My take is that OP and husband have a bigger and nicer house than any of the in-laws, so they think they’re rich and can afford help to clean up after unruly guests, and new furniture when kids and dogs and ill-mannered adults ruin it. Just my opinion here, but it seems that the in-laws plan to take every advantage possible of OP and husband they can think of. Good on them for putting their foot down right away.

I go to my mums house for dinner and end up doing half the cooking, same at my brothers house, and we always help each other tidy up etc - it's called being a family ?

Time to go on vacation (far, far away) the next time a family gathering is planned.

I want to know, who hosted the previous family get togethers? Is this the first time they have gotten together as a family?

Dear lady, you are kind to ask whether you are at fault here. You are most definitely not. Your guests do not know how to be guests; they probably think that because they are family they can get away with behaviour they display at their own homes. No: a guest is on time, is well-behaved, doesn't destroy the furniture, helps out when he/she sees help is needed, doesn't scream and, if children are around and stop children from behaving like vandals. They think pitching in defeats the purpose of someone else hosting: that should tell you enough about their attitude. Don't host them anymore. Alternatively, invite them together with your family: that would make for an interesting dynamic!

Rude and disrespectful guests...

Coming from a family where shoes on in the house, and dogs on the furniture wasn't frowned upon I find some of their complaints a bit much. But some of them are absolutely valid, and even the ones I don't like (like the no shoes/dogs ones) are still *their house, their rules* so I'd expect to follow them. It is a bit weird that the hubby is surprised by the behaviour, but then again it's possible he just has a short memory and doesn't remember running around like a wild animal when he was a little kid too.

Oh. So that's what hosting is like? Where do I sign down?

Your house isn't a daycare or restaurant or hotel. Your guests didn't use manners. The parents of the kids knowing your didn't have kids didn't bring something for them to do (next time say it's an adult party and to get a sitter or don't come) and let them run amok in your home. Placing bins around for trash is common but people leaving trash everywhere is gross. Bringing a pet to someone's home and letting it go wherever is gross. I mean not bathroom but in general on furniture is gross. It takes up a seat and honestly shouldn't have been brought along. Taking shoes off should be told at the door or on the invite over and having other footwear for guests or just dealing with the shoes might have to happen. (Some people don't wear nice socks or have house slippers to bring.) but in general the family that came sounds so entitled that I'd stand my ground too over having them back unless it was an outdoor summer bbq where they could be monitored not to trash your home.

Our family has several get-togethers every year, at one sibling's house or another. There are about 30 of us when we're all together. None of us would DREAM of making one person responsible for costs or cleaning, and we'd never allow our pets or children to be so disruptive. That family's got issues.

Ahhh the moment you learn your family is trash.

My brother was always kind of a weirdo, but he took both me and my wife by complete surprice when we invited him over shortly after moving in together (she had met him before that and kinda laughed off his weirdness). When we sat down to eat, he immediately grapped the pork meat tray and loaded about 95 % of it onto his plate, then grabbed the sauce bowl and litterally poured 3 quarters of the content over the meat and started eating. my wife and I could have 1 slice of thin pork and the veggies and a sliver of sauce to contend with. So I took none and went to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich instead so that my wife could at least have the semblence of a meal she had cooked so lovingly for all of us. Then he acted his usual weird manner for the rest of the night, and upon leaving turned and pointed to a sign on his jacket, saying "I'm a man." My wife lost it then and there and said "Pretty pathetic that you have to say it out loud for people to know." We never invited him again.

They brought a dog and let the dog on the furniture! These people are horrible and I'd never allow them in my house again. I host every family get together, I have the larger house and the skills to pull it off, but if my family had been that family, there would have been 1 hosting.

This is cracking me. MIL thinks it’s like hazing. Oh, you have to do your time. Let your house get damaged. Let your things get destroyed. Spend a lot of money; use a lot of time. Nobody will thank you. But “we’re faaaamileee” Like the stories older people tell of crappy workplaces: “you have to work off the clock to get ahead.” “you have to let your boss talk to you that way.” “you have to give up X, Y and Z. no, the eff I don’t.

My parents used to host a lot of holidays every time. At some point as I got older, I noticed we stopped entirely or only spent the times with other family if they hosted (which was very rare). Many holidays became everyone meeting at restaurants that were still open and sharing a meal. Now I understand: my parents would put a lot of work and effort into decorating, cleaning, and setting up the main dishes. The adult cousins' contribution: one side of mashed potatoes. I remember feeling hurt as kid when I realized our family was getting together less and less but as an adult with my own house and starting to host my own events, I can tell exactly where they were coming from. Holidays should be enjoyed by everyone, not just the guests.

This wouldn't work for these people but in general why wait for someone to offer help? You can make a big announcement about needing help in the clean up and see who steps up. You might be surprised who was feeling awkward or how many people are in a food coma that they just wasn't thinking.