Money, or more specifically mind-bogglingly large sums of money, can have a weird effect on your friends and partner. If you ever win the lottery, you’ll probably realize incredibly quickly who you can trust, who’s greedier than you expected, and how you’re suddenly the star of the show. Or, rather, your freshly-fattened wallet is.

One redditor shared just how much drama came into her life after she won one of the top lottery prizes. She was hoping to invest the money, as well as to use it to set her family members up with proper places to live. Her boyfriend of 7 months, however, had other plans. You see, he wanted a new car. A Tesla, in fact. And he began pressuring his girlfriend and spilling the beans about her winnings to everyone in their social circle.

The situation escalated to the point that the woman began doubting that she was right to refuse her boyfriend’s request. So she turned to the AITA online community to hear their advice on the situation. Check out the full story below, and let us know what you would’ve done in the OP’s shoes, dear Pandas.

Bored Panda reached out to financial expert Sam Dogen for a few insights about stealth wealth, keeping secrets, and how to diplomatically rebuff requests for money and favors. Sam is the founder of the popular Financial Samurai blog and is the author of ‘Buy This, Not That: How to Spend Your Way to Wealth and Freedom.’ You’ll find his comments as you read on.

Winning the lottery is as much a blessing as it is a curse. Your loved ones might start treating you differently

Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual photo)

A woman turned to the internet for a verdict, wondering if she was wrong to rebuff her boyfriend of 7 months’ aggressive demands for a new car

Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

Credits: AirAway2713

Subtlety and patience, unfortunately, aren’t as stylish as gossip and impulse. If you want to keep a secret, like something related to your wealth, keep in mind that you increase the risk of it getting out into the public with every single person you tell. The spicier the secret, the harder it is to keep. But it’s also the perfect test to see if your loved ones will choose loyalty to you over their own egos… though this can put a wrench in your plans to practice stealth wealth… permanently.

Stealth wealth is a fantastic concept that’s going to prove incredibly useful when you end up being rich beyond your wildest dreams (hey, we believe in you, Pandas; you’ve got this). It’s all about being smart and subtle with your wealth. Instead of loudly proclaiming to the world that Scrooge McDuck has competition, you avoid buying the loudest, blingiest, and brightest toys.

You opt for a quieter lifestyle. For instance, you might choose to live in a smaller house than a McMansion. You opt for a reliable vehicle that’ll last you decades, instead of splurging on a sportscar. You don’t buy private jets, helicopters, or yachts. You choose to wear quality but simple-looking clothes instead of loud designer pieces that practically scream ‘Look At Me, I’m Richer Than You’ll Ever Be!’

In short, stealth wealth means building generational wealth, instead of showing off. You still live a very nice life—you take care of your health, your kids get the very best education and opportunities, you give back to your community—but you don’t flex your financial muscles in public. You don’t need the validation. And you’d rather avoid the begging for cash that comes with being in the middle of a golden spotlight.

ADVERTISEMENT

Don’t want to see ads?

Financial expert Sam told Bored Panda very matter of fact that it’s “impossible” to practice stealth wealth “once the cat is out of the bag.” There’s really no putting the genie back in the bottle once someone spills the beans about your newfound wealth.

“Everybody will do their own mental calculations of how much you can spend, how nice of a car or house you can buy, and what type of fancy vacations you can take. Your acquaintances and non-closest friends will start to resent you if you don’t treat them to nice meals and pay for things,” Sam, from Financial Samurai, told Bored Panda.

“If your partner shares your secret of winning the lottery when you explicitly asked not to, you can no longer trust them with other big secrets. Given a healthy relationship is based on trust, a lot of work will be required to heal the betrayal. It may be best to start over and find a new partner, someone who doesn’t know your wealth status. The truly wealthy learn how to convince people they are middle class in order to blend in.”

Meanwhile, Sam gave some spot-on advice on how to subtly let your friends and relatives know that you won’t be giving in to their continuous requests for financial support. “You can simply say your money is earmarked towards specific charitable institutions you care about. Once you’re done giving to these causes according to plan, then you can consider friend and relative requests.” It’s something to keep in mind when you come into some money. You can still be generous, but you don’t have to play to everyone else’s (different) expectations.

“Lending money to friends and family often creates weird dynamics. Instead of lending money, it’s better to just give money to friends and family without expectations. If you’ve won the lottery, you might as well make as many lottery winners as possible with your closest relationships,” Sam, the founder of Financial Samurai, said.

One of the most painful lessons that you’re likely to learn once you gain wealth, power, and influence, is that pretty much everyone wants a piece of the pie. They might want your money, attention, or social connections. And it becomes difficult to figure out if someone’s your friend because of who you are or because of what you have.

ADVERTISEMENT

Don’t want to see ads?

Generally speaking, the key to knowing if someone’s in it for the money is to see how much they reciprocate, whether emotionally or financially. If it’s a one-way street where you’re expected to foot the bill every single time, odds are that you’re being used. The friendship or relationship isn’t real and it might be time to move on.

When it comes to spilling secrets, however, things get murkier. It’s a total breach of trust. Especially if someone’s gossiping about you far and wide in order to pressure you into, say, buying them a sports car.

As we’ve covered on Bored Panda previously, rebuilding trust in a romantic relationship is truly a challenge. The bigger the offense, the more time and effort it’ll take to rebuild the sense of trust you had before. Though everyone has slightly different boundaries as to what constitutes a breach of trust that is unforgivable.

What would you do if you won the lottery, dear Pandas? How would you ensure the financial stability of your loved ones? Would you keep your new treasure hoard a secret or boast to everyone you know about your luck? What would you do if someone went around sharing the news about your sudden rush of good luck? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Internet users from around the globe had some spot-on advice for the woman, warning her

ADVERTISEMENT

Don’t want to see ads?

Games

View all games

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!