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Woman Lashes Out At SIL For Not Canceling Her Wedding Anniversary Plans To Watch Her Kids
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Woman Lashes Out At SIL For Not Canceling Her Wedding Anniversary Plans To Watch Her Kids

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There is a feeling of “helper’s high” when we do selfless acts that benefit others. The downside, however, is that some people can take advantage of that kindness. 

A woman was in this predicament when she agreed to help babysit her sister-in-law’s children regularly. But the one time she refused, she was chastised for supposedly being selfish and uncaring. 

After a full-blown family drama ensued, the author felt guilty. She turned to the AITA subreddit to ask whether she was wrong to say no.

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    Some people take advantage of the kindness of others, even with family

    Image credits:cottonbro studio (Not the actual photo)

    A woman agreed to help regularly babysit the children of her newly single sister-in-law

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    Image credits:Prostock-studio (Not the actual photo)

    But when she refused one time, she was called out for being “selfish”

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    Image credits: MarsupialThrowRA

    There is such a thing as too much helpfulness, and it can backfire

    Too much of a good thing can lead to undesirable consequences. Sure, there are known research-based benefits of being helpful, such as strengthened immune system activity, improved spiritual health, and stress relief. 

    However, it could also give the impression that you are a pushover. That could be highly detrimental, especially in a business setting. 

    As organizational psychologist Dr. Nicole Lipkin noted in an article for Forbes, leaders can fall into an “empathy trap.” When this happens, feelings may overpower objectivity, which could lead to giving in too much to an employee’s wants. 

    Dr. Lipkin shared a hypothetical example of a staff member who may use reasons like financial burdens from student loans to negotiate a salary. This is similar to what the author shared in her story, where the sister-in-law cried to her, saying she had “no one else” to help her. 

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    Image credits:Lina Kivaka (Not the actual photo)

    It is up to you to prevent people from taking advantage

    While the author didn’t mention it in her story, some of her behavior could have caused her sister-in-law to act the way she did. At this point, damage control is her best option to prevent such instances from happening again. 

    Setting boundaries is step one. In an article for Inc., leadership coach and speaker Marcel Schwantes reminds us that saying no to someone without being harsh is possible. You have the right to decline if it interferes with your beliefs, passions, or, in the author’s case, personal schedule. 

    Part of setting boundaries is rejecting any form of manipulation, whether passive-aggressive behavior or guilt-tripping. 

    “Undesired submission to harmful and manipulative behavior serves only to reinforce and condone those actions,” Schwantes wrote. 

    The woman had the right to say no after regularly doing the same favors in the past. She shouldn’t feel bad, even with her mother-in-law’s interference. 

    What do you think? Was there a better course of action for the author? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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    Image credits:cottonbro studio (Not the actual photo)

    The woman provided more information in the comments

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    But most of the people were on her side

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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    Melissa anderson
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For those trying to manipulate her into babysitting, they are the true AHs. They can shut up and babysit the kids themselves. No one willing to step up? Then the mom can step up and take care of her own kids. After all, she’s the one who decided to have them.

    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She doesn't talk to you any more? Fantastic. Problem solved. Enjoy your incredible number of newly freed days each year!

    Load More Comments
    Melissa anderson
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For those trying to manipulate her into babysitting, they are the true AHs. They can shut up and babysit the kids themselves. No one willing to step up? Then the mom can step up and take care of her own kids. After all, she’s the one who decided to have them.

    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She doesn't talk to you any more? Fantastic. Problem solved. Enjoy your incredible number of newly freed days each year!

    Load More Comments
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