There are certain times in our lives when we want to celebrate with all of our loved ones nearby. Graduating from university, getting married, having a baby, or moving into our dream house might be a few of these exciting milestones. And while it’s not always possible to be around for each and every occasion our friends and family members celebrate, it’s still nice to receive an invitation, right?

Well, according to one woman on TikTok, it can actually be more offensive to receive an invitation than nothing at all, when it comes from someone who hasn’t made enough effort to maintain the friendship. Below, you’ll find a video that Lanette, or HotMessLanette on TikTok, recently shared detailing why she refuses to attend certain people’s milestone celebrations. 

Her video has left viewers split, so you’ll also find some of the responses people have shared, as well as an interview between Bored Panda and Lanette, so you can decide for yourself how close a friend has to be to deserve your presence (and presents) at their major events. Then, if you’re interested in reading another article featuring drama surrounding the decision of whether or not to attend a loved one’s important event, look no further than right here.

This TikToker has gone viral after sharing that she refuses to attend people’s milestones unless they regularly put effort into maintaining their friendship

Image credits: hotmesslanette_xo

Image credits: hotmesslanette

Image credits: hotmesslanette

Image credits: hotmesslanette

Image credits: hotmesslanette

You can hear Lanette’s full explanation right here

@hotmesslanette soooo ya. #fyp #family #christmas ♬ original sound – lanette.👑

To learn more about what inspired this video in the first place, we reached out to Lanette on Instagram, and she was kind enough to have a chat with us. “I shared the video because in years past, I’ve had this happen,” she told Bored Panda. “People I don’t speak to regularly or see outside of a work setting or social gathering for someone else have invited me, and I thought it was weird. I don’t know you that well, why would you want me to be a part of something that big when we don’t ever grab coffee, dinner or catch up?”

We were also curious how Lanette decides which events are worth attending. “I’ll attend important milestones for people who I speak to more than 3 times a year. (Sense the sarcasm),” she added with a laugh. “Or people that I know and we’re both busy, but still find the time to catch up, whether it be on the phone, lunch, dinner, coffee etc.,” Lanette continued. “The people who actually genuinely care to be a part of your life will make a genuine effort to talk to you outside of an invite to a major milestone.”

Lanette also wanted to clear the air about some of the rumors circulating around this video. “There’s a lot of things out there saying I have to talk to someone daily in order to attend. That’s a blatant lie,” she shared with a laugh. “I just expect a level of reciprocity when it comes to the effort being put into a friendship.”

“I know there are exceptions to all circumstances. I understand people are busy, and life is hectic,” Lanette told Bored Panda. “I know and understand people live far from each other, etc. But the fact is, you make time for things and people that matter. If they want too, they will.”

Many viewers agreed that only close friends should be invited to these occasions

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When it comes to who to invite to your big milestones, it’s completely up to you. It is an invitation after all, not a requirement. If someone wants to turn it down, they certainly can. But everyone has a slightly different opinion on who is obligated to receive an invite to an important event. According to Lindsey Nickel, owner and event planner at Lovely Day Events, “If you haven’t laid eyes on a person in 12 to 18 months—or at least had a nice, long phone conversation if they live far away—then you probably shouldn’t invite them.” 

However, it’s your big day. So if someone is important to you, there’s no timeline on the last time you must have spoken to them. Shoot them an invite anyway! One bride-to-be expressed on A Practical Wedding that she was unsure if it would be strange to invite old friends to her wedding, but she noted, “They are people that have brought great joy in my life and frankly, I’d just love to party with them on the big day.” Readers overwhelmingly assured her that she can invite whoever she likes and encouraged her to reach out to them.

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One of the points some people who agreed with Lanette’s video mentioned is that people tend to send out more invites to events that require bringing a gift to attend. And while that may be true, it’s also extremely expensive to throw huge celebrations, so the gifts might not be on the forefront of these hosts’ minds. Of course, no one will ever know your own friendships as well as you do, so it’s your choice whether or not to attend. But I would guess that most wedding, baby shower and housewarming party invites come from a good place. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this video in the comments below, pandas. Do you go out of your way to celebrate the milestones of old friends or people who you don’t see regularly? Feel free to share your opinions, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring drama surrounding whether or not to attend a wedding, you can find that story right here.  

However, others pointed out that we don’t all have time to keep in touch constantly, but that doesn’t have to minimize the value of a friendship

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