The mother should stop wasting time with the sister and move on to working with a Christian adoption agency to get the kids placed and transitioned to the idea of "mommy is going to die and you're going to go live with a new mommy and daddy"

I wanna know about sister’s friends. Where do they get off? I don’t understand the logic as a friend. Who would be like, “It’s best to ship them off to a country they haven’t been to with a person they don’t know and a language they don’t understand directly after their mom dies”, rather than saying “It’s best if I take them myself, as your friend”. If that’s not a valid option as someone who knows them, why would it be a valid option for someone who’s never met them? Just stupid.

This is a tough one but I understand. I took in 2 of my 5 nephews after I turned in my sister to CPS. The other 3 were older and on their own. I'm glad I did it as she got herself together but honestly, I hated it. I was so glad when they were able to go back to her. I too, never wanted kids.

NTA, It's a life changing decision that could destroy her marriage, that's not fair on her. She has chosen not to have children and guilt tripping her into taking them will just cause resentment towards the kids. Yes of course it is extremely sad for those children but she is no more responsible for them like anyone else.

If you ignore that they are siblings, as OP says, they are practically strangers. I don't think I'd ask strangers to take my children if I was dying. But seeing as she won't or can't ask her friends.... that says a lot about her. I feel sorry for the kids. I'm glad I'm not in OP's shoes. It's a tough decision.

Why don't all her friends who are calling and leaving nasty messages adopt them then? If they are such good friends of her sister they should be the ones to step up and help out. Just because you are blood doesn't mean it automatically has to be you to take them in

So the friends will leave nasty voicemails but won't volunteer to adopt the kids?

Perfectly understandable. I am pretty much estranged from my siblings and would certainly not take in any kids they had as, apart from being blood relatives, there is no connection or obligation whatsoever - let alone strict conditions being laid down. Better she looks to her supposedly “Christian” friends for support. There’s never been a more BS phrase than blood being thicker than water.

I’m severely disabled but I would take the kids. I couldn’t bear it not knowing what would happen to them. The fathers and/or the ex should be the one to step up but if not I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m not calling her an AH but I just can’t imagine feeling the way she does.

It's really easy for people to call her TA when it's not their lives that would be ruined. People who choose to be CF do it for a reason. The sister should have made arrangements with people who would take her kids instead of dumping them on a sister she doesn't even know we'll enough to know that she has mental health issues. It's a wildly unfair situation for everyone involved, mostly the kids, but it's not her problem

I don't blame you, I believe that when she stopped talking to you she lost the right to ask anything of you. Some people never look further down the road than tomorrow. I, personally, don't want children and never have. I would take my sisters kids, but we're close. It's different... You're completely in your right to say no.

I have adopted two of my sister's children and it has been and continues to be rough terrain to tread. I never married and have been doing it alone. If I could go back in time and had another chance to choose, I would still do it. My boys are my life. However, I never understand when others feel they can pressure anyone else into having kids, or taking other's kids. I think that if a person wants to, no matter how adverse the situation, it can work out. If the person doesn't want to or can't -no matter what the reason, it is a good enough reason to not do it.

This is heartbreaking. I took on 2 children from my family and do not regret it, but it was hard. I barely knew them. They had a very difficult life and was much different than my own children. I had to teach them respect, manner, rules, consequences, etc. It was really hard but we survived. OP had to make a decision and is definitely NTA. I do hope the children can stay together in a loving home.

Sweet Jebus, some of these comments. The self-righteousness is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Raising kids is a huge responsibility and a huge expense, not to mention it's often a thankless job. It isn't something anyone has the right to force onto someone who doesn't want it. And I'm betting that at least half of these nimrods going on about how "the OP is the @sshole and I'd take the kids" would do no such thing if it actually came down to it. Any takers?

NTA and she should not have to explain her mental illness to anyone as a reason why. That is not something she should be required to do for people to honor her choice!

What a terrible situation. I would take my sister's child if needed but she has one and we are close. If it were one of my half siblings I didn't grow up with, I wouldn't. Someone who knows the mother more would be a better fit, but not many people are going to take in three kids.

This is hearbreaking but completely understandable. The OP refuses to turn her life completely upside down and start living the life of somebody else, the kind of life she's never wanted. We only have one life each, and hers would effectively be over as she knows it, and not hers anymore. I can't imagine somebody sweeping in and telling me that from now on I'm gonna lose agency over the way my own life is going. I'm getting anxious just thinking about it.

Definitely NOT the a*****e. I would *only* want to leave my children to someone who thoroughly enjoys being around children. A LOT. And that person could be *anyone*. I don't care whether it's a sister, a cousin, a friend or the nice woman at the dry cleaners down the street. What the hell does DNA have to do with ANY of this? What are we doing here -- preserving a royal bloodline? Here's a hypothetical: What if, instead, this dying woman DID find a loving home perfect for her children and the arrangements were all in place. But then suddenly the children's aunt came along and demanded that the children be given to her and claimed that being a biological relative gave her the RIGHT to the children? Even if that aunt had always wanted children she has no right to take them. Nor does she have a duty to take them. WTF, folks.

I honestly was on the fence on this one. I was taken in by my aunt and uncle and being with family or friends is so much healthier for kids then the very broken foster system some people suggested. That being said, she mentioned mental illness and not knowing the kids. It could be just as much a risk having her raise them as a foster parent (don't know as I've not been in the system). So she might have made the right choice for those kids. Unsure.