It’s arguably safe to say that most people think of—or hope for, at least—the best possible scenario when planning to propose to someone. However, unfortunately, the answer is not always a straight-up yes.

When this redditor proposed to his girlfriend, she didn’t say “yes”; nor did she say “no”. Her answer was “where’s the real ring?”, as she expected her partner to pop the question with a different diamond ring. Scroll down to find the full story below.

Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist and the author of ‘The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage’, Dr. Susan Heitler, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions regarding getting engaged.

Proposing to someone can be both exciting and scary

Image credits: Abdurrahim Israfilov (not the actual image)

This woman refused to accept her boyfriend’s proposal unless he offered her a different diamond ring

Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual image)

Image credits: Individual-Tree4665

Starting the marriage with an ultimatum might not be a good sign

There are as many opinions on the dos and don’ts in regards to proposing as there are people. That’s why, while some don’t care that much about the kind of ring they are presented with, others might be upset or hurt by their partner not meeting their expectations.

In the OP’s case, his girlfriend saw him not proposing with the ring she hoped for as a lack of commitment, which is not necessarily the case. “To the contrary, a commitment to do what is against his values and what is meaningful to him could indicate a commitment to being controlled by the other person,” clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler suggested, discussing the topic with Bored Panda.

“The symbolism of a diamond from ashes or a family heirloom often differs for different people,” Dr. Heitler continued. “When two people see these with different meanings, or with different levels of intensity of feelings, that’s normal. At the same time, ‘You have to do it my way,’ is a bad sign for the future of the potential marriage.”

The expert also pointed out that a successful marriage requires having certain skills, and she advised trying to acquire those skills before sealing the deal. “Learn to talk and to listen in ways that sustain cooperation and love,” she suggested. “Learn to resolve your differences in a win-win way. Learn to step back when you feel angry instead of stepping forward to talk and act in anger—these skills make all the difference between a marriage that stays loving and a marriage that becomes troubling.”

Many people spend thousands of dollars on an engagement ring

According to Dr. Heitler, the single most significant choice in many people’s lives is who they choose as a life partner. “Also, the biggest change in a person’s life is from single to married,” she added. “Engagement symbolizes both.”

The significance of engagement and marriage might be why some people have this idea that a bigger financial commitment—meaning, a more expensive ring—equals a stronger commitment to their partner or a longer duration of a marriage. However, not only is it not necessarily the case, some studies suggest otherwise – spending more on an engagement ring might lead to a higher rate of divorce.

Said research, based on a survey of more than 3,000 US adults who’ve ever been married, found that men who have spent somewhere between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring had a higher divorce rate (of roughly 1.3 times) than those who allotted a budget of $500 to $2,000, NBC News reports.

“Wedding industry advertising has fueled the norm that spending large amounts on the engagement ring and wedding is an indication of commitment or is helpful for a marriage to be successful,” one of the co-authors of the study, associate professor and director of undergraduate studies in the department of economics at Emory University, Hugo M. Mialon, was cited saying. “In either case, the general message is that wedding spending and marriage duration are positively correlated,” when in reality, they arguably are not.

Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual image)

The interest in engagement rings for men seems to be growing

Whether or not they believe that the price they pay for the ring will determine the length of the relationship, many men choose to spend thousands of dollars on an engagement ring—something nice for their beloved significant other. However, the trend in regards to who gets to wear an engagement ring seems to be shifting.

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While it’s typically the woman who wears a symbol of the couple’s love on her finger until they get married, there seems to be a growing demand for engagement rings for men. BBC reports that the jewelry industry is still adapting to the change, as, according to the managing director of London-based online diamond retailer 77 Diamonds, Tobias Kormind, such a demand was close to zero just seven years ago. “It’s still not a core product,” Kormind told BBC, “but it definitely seems to be growing.”

According to the BBC, it’s not only engagement rings for men that seem to be gaining popularity, but men’s jewelry in general. For instance, comprising roughly 7% of all sales in 2021, men’s jewelry at a New York-based jeweler, Eternate, now adds up to close to 15%, while the manufacturer of lab-grown diamond jewelry, Grown Brilliance, reports men’s sales growing at double the rate compared to the lines for women.

It’s unclear whether or not the OP was planning on wearing the special ring himself; however, he was not willing to part with the diamond that contained his mother’s ashes, and the online community didn’t seem to think that that made him a jerk. Not only that, some found it odd that his fiancée wanted to wear such a ring on her finger every day.

Image credits: Sina Rezakhani (not the actual image)

The OP provided more details in the comments

Fellow netizens didn’t think he was a jerk in the situation

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