Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
159
Hysterectomy Sparks Family Drama, Leaving Woman Defending Her Health Over Sister’s Wishes
Mother and Reddit user Maleficent-Feeling22 has had very painful and long periods ever since they started. So once she and her partner had the number of children they had dreamed of, the woman decided to get a hysterectomy.
However, not all family members liked the idea. Her sister and brother-in-law, who have been struggling to get pregnant, asked her to become a surrogate instead. In fact, they were so adamant that they began emotionally blackmailing her.
RELATED:
This woman’s periods have always been brutal, so she told her family she planned to remove her uterus
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But her sister and brother-in-law were very against the idea
Image credits: Анна Хазова / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Maleficent-Feeling22
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Roughly one in ten women experience extreme period pain
Period pain can start in the early teens and persist until menopause. Most women experience some degree of discomfort during menstruation, especially on the first day. For 40%, this discomfort is accompanied by premenstrual symptoms such as bloating, tender breasts, a swollen stomach, lack of concentration, mood swings, clumsiness, and tiredness.
However, for 5% to 15% of women, period pain is severe enough to disrupt their lives. Experts aren’t entirely sure why some women have more painful periods than others, but they believe it may be due to higher levels of prostaglandins—compounds in the body made from fats that have hormone-like effects.
You may be more likely to have painful periods if:
- You got your first menstrual period before age 12;
- You’re younger than 20;
- Your periods are heavy or last longer than seven days;
- You smoke cigarettes;
- Your biological parent also has dysmenorrhea.
If you do, you might feel:
- Aching, throbbing pain in your abdomen (which, at times, can be severe);
- The feeling of pressure in your abdomen;
- Pain in your hips, lower back, and inner thighs;
- Other symptoms like nausea, dizziness, and headaches.
In most cases, the pain begins 24 to 48 hours before your period and subsides within 48 hours of its onset. So, the Redditor’s decision to have a hysterectomy is understandable. Her sister’s insistence for her to become a surrogate, however, is not.
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
An attempt to take away someone’s agency in such a decision is deeply disrespectful
Dr. Rebecca Steinfeld, a campaigner and researcher focusing on reproductive rights, civil partnerships, and genital cutting, acknowledges that surrogacy is a polarizing issue.
“For some, it embodies true altruism—a woman realizing the dreams of others by birthing their baby, with all the medical risks, and physical and emotional toll, that can come with pregnancy, birth, and, ultimately, handing over a baby,” she said.
“But that is not the whole … story. For others, surrogacy is inherently exploitative and unethical. They say it makes children commodities, and disadvantaged women ‘breeders.’ Some even compare surrogacy to p**********n and argue ‘womb rental’ be the term used.”
According to the doctor, there are several serious issues at stake in this debate even if we put aside local legal nuance.
“These include potential power imbalances between surrogate mothers and intended parents, the risks of pregnancy and birth taken on by the surrogate mother, and human rights concerns that may crop up during a surrogate mother’s antenatal, intrapartum and/or postnatal care,” Steinfeld explained. “It is crucial to acknowledge and reflect on these difficult areas in any discussion of surrogacy.”
Even though a sister carrying a baby for her sibling might be considered an exception, Steinfeld believes there may be other power imbalances in these arrangements, and various inequalities may still exist between the parties.
All pregnancies, the doctor said, carry physical and mental health risks to pregnant women, ranging from trivial to very severe, and risks for the surrogate may be even higher. “The surrogate may have many appointments, drug treatments, invasive procedures, and timed embryo transfer. More importantly, she is at a significantly increased risk of developing pre-eclampsia. If it is a twin pregnancy, she is at increased risk of every complication barring postmaturity,” Steinfeld added.
How can you pressure someone to undergo all of this against their will?
The majority of those who read the woman’s story said she had every right to refuse
But a few expressed a different opinion
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Trillian 1 week ago
The way some people think they can just make use of a woman's body makes me speechless. Adopt a kid. A pregnancy is no walk in the park.
Tabitha 1 week ago
Adopt. Foster first, then adopt. Freeze some eggs (sister’s or OP’s, the DNA from that side of the child’s family will be passed on) and use a surrogate who is not OP with her medical issues. It’s not like sister and BIL have no other options, it’s more like the other options cost a lot more than putting a family member through 9+ months of living hell (9+ because the fertilized eggs need to be implanted and “take” first before the gestation can even start—-a process that itself can be very fraught).
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 1 week ago
"Well yes, you might die, but we'd rather have a child than a sister". What a jerk BIL.
Bernd Herbert 1 week ago
Never ever let you pressure to do anything with your body! F**k those YTAs
Starfish63 1 week ago
I take it the BIL and those calling OP an AH have not experienced the pain of heavy periods or endometriosis/PCOS, etc.? If BIL wants a mini-me so bad he can damn well have it himself. As for the person calling OP an AH and saying she hates her sister - Talk about giving of incel vibes.
Nikole 6 days ago
And even if she didn’t have any of those issues, no one should expect her or anyone to be a surrogate!
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 1 week ago
OP didn't rob anyone of anything. Nature is unfair and brutal, but that's how it is sometimes, so sister and BIL need to accept that and look at their options through that lens. I'm glad the mom and husband have her back though.
Kristen Sharp 1 week ago
To the complete A*****e Wunderkid_0519, what are you? You're one of those "your body, my choice" morons aren't you? You need a good swift kick to the head! My monster in law was asking when my now ex and I were going to have kids and my answer was "I can't. I had a car accident that scrambled my insides and if by chance I DID get pregnant, we'd both die somewhere along the lines. Her answer was "but it's a risk every woman takes!" So I said, "you want a kid so bad lady, go and f*****g have one!" I honestly didn't want any anyway and at 48, I'm glad I didn't.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
Right below the belt. With a Louisville Slugger.
Load More Replies...
StumblingThroughLife 1 week ago
3 YTAers - who are probably the vile BiL, incognito. NTA big time. Her body, her choice, and the BiL (& YTAers, if not him) needs to back off.
Beth Wheeler 1 week ago
Her doctor's have wanted her to get a hysterectomy for a long time. Her sister knows what she has been going through with her cycles since she was 9. I can understand the sister wanting a baby but asking her was wrong and I think it was the BIL pressuring her to ask, he then gets pissed off when she says no. Her medical problems are none of his business but maybe he should be told in all of the horrible details to hopefully shut him up. She needs the hysterectomy and should do it as planned with her C-section.
Libstak 1 week ago (edited)
She is having her 3rd caesarian birth, that is more than enough for any woman to deal with and removing her uterus asap will prevent that scarring from adding to future menstrual complications when her periods are already excruciating. BIL had no right to say a word and sister may have been unable to stop herself having bad feelings in the short term but she seems like she would understand long term why it is no feasible. I agree with the commentor who says BIL is treating her like she is some brood mare and that is coloured by his mysoginistic perception of women in general, what an a.s.s.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 week ago
Your body, my choice is not any less evil when it's your sister making the choices.
Kristin 1 week ago
Wow this is exactly why I had a hysterectomy done so early. I wasn't asked to be a surrogate but the painful periods she suffers from, I did as well. I started my periods early as well and man they were painful to the point of not being able to work. I'd bleed for almost the whole month. I was lucky to get a full week not bleeding. I then got pregnant with my daughter at 20 and delivered at 21. I was in labor for 2 days and finally delivered naturally. I felt something wrong a couple hours after delivery and then all went black. I ended up hemorrhaging badly and got 3 blood transfusions and the Dr had to perform a emergency hysterectomy. I was devastated as I wanted one more baby so my daughter wasn't an only child but I got depressed cause I felt it wasn't my decision for the hysterectomy but dr had to, to save my life. He stated if I was to get pregnant again I was at a very high chance of neither me or baby surviving.
tee-lena 1 week ago
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were not able to have more, since they were wanted. I am very glad, however, that you survived. Hugs if needed
Load More Replies... 
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
OP needs to go NC with anybody who thinks she needs to do this for her sis. Block phone numbers, cut off all contact, etc.
Surly Scot 1 week ago
Always go looking for your comments. Some nice logic and reason among the idiocy and hatred.
Load More Replies... Jostanquecla 1 week ago
This is disgusting. My sister has one healthy baby and I, after four years of trying, have not been able to have a successful pregnancy. I would never even consider asking her to risk her health or comfort just so that I can have a child.
Abraxas59 1 week ago (edited)
Ok yta trolls get over yourself u must all be men! I really feel for you op I’ve been there and in fact before I had kids I was booked in for a hysterectomy but I was offered a mirina coil while I waited in that time I met a new man who unlike my controlling husband was nt so at 34 I had the coil taken out and had my two kids at 35-39 had coil put back in again removed at 43 to try for another which I sadly lost and I never went back with the coil and I started the menopause at 50 also I had to go on the pill at 16;cos I hadn’t even started my monthly’s but I know the pain totally cos mine once started where a living hell NTA your kids need a healthy happy mum and if your bother in-law can’t see that then he’s a nasty piece of work who should never ever be a father and your sis should look at him in a different light to now Blessed be op and and I hope the birth n op goes well xx
Nils Skirnir 1 week ago
Frightening what women have to go through. Especially regarding childbirth. I know I’ll never understand the push to have children
Biljana Malesevic 1 week ago
Well duh, this one is obvious. It's her body, no one else can "own" it or claim it in any way or for any reason.
brandyy17 1 week ago
if the OP is having serious medical issues where she is in massive pain bc of a period she is absolutely in the right to decline. she doesnt want to b in pain anymore its perfectly reasonable. i can see her sister understands this but its the bil thats the issue here. he doesnt understand the situation and thinks she can just do it no problem.
Sara Shamsabadi 1 week ago
wow that couple sounds completely unhinged. There are young children suffering who need families, if they want to be parents so badly then they'd adopt. Otherwise they are being selfish
sweet emotion 1 week ago
Maybe I'm more private than most people but while I support OP's decision, I do not understand why she even discussed her medical decision with anyone but her husband. She has a c-section planned for the birth of her child, and that is all anyone needed to know prior to the delivery. IF at some later date the sister asked about surrogacy, then OP would tell her it can't happen.
Robin Roper 6 days ago
Does BIL think having a baby is like having a mole removed. He is delusional.
Ginger ninja 1 week ago
If OP already suspects BIL considers this “his baby” then she needs to be prepared for sis and BIL to try and take the baby away because the entitlement here from them both is insane
Shaggy 1 week ago
WTF, He thinks the baby, in your body, conceived with your husband, should be his this time?? WTF, no really WTF?? And they are calling you selfish?? Hide the kid after birth.. This dude seems like he might just rationalize kidnaping the child and leaving the damn country. WTF??
Nikki Angulo 5 days ago
Hy, BP, tell me you just and pasted a batch of comments without proofreading, without telling me you cut and pasted a batch of comments! Seriously?
Ozymandias 6 days ago (edited)
For all the YTA's: her body, her choice. She's in f**king pain whenever her time of the month arrives, she has endured it for YEARS, and y'all expect her to f**king put herself in pain AGAIN so her brother-in-law (who sounds like a "her body, my choice" kind of guy) and her sister WHO KNOWS FIRSTHAND WHAT OP GOES THROUGH, to have a baby. What the f**k?
jennifer brinkman 6 days ago
Extremely selfish to ask a woman to risk her LIFE for ungrateful people that think women are baby machines!! F*ck them all!!
Julie Schraeder 6 days ago
Maybe sis can donate some eggs if that is the problem, but frankly it is enough that she doesn't want to be a surrogate. Having medical issues makes it more understandable but not wanting to do it is enough.
Milady Blue 6 days ago
If sis and BIL wants a baby so badly, then OP can donate her uterus to them post hysterectomy and they can put up with the misery OP is currently dealing with.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
What would life be like without the YTAERS? Boring, I suspect, but much more saner.
Trillian 1 week ago
The way some people think they can just make use of a woman's body makes me speechless. Adopt a kid. A pregnancy is no walk in the park.
Tabitha 1 week ago
Adopt. Foster first, then adopt. Freeze some eggs (sister’s or OP’s, the DNA from that side of the child’s family will be passed on) and use a surrogate who is not OP with her medical issues. It’s not like sister and BIL have no other options, it’s more like the other options cost a lot more than putting a family member through 9+ months of living hell (9+ because the fertilized eggs need to be implanted and “take” first before the gestation can even start—-a process that itself can be very fraught).
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 week ago
"Well yes, you might die, but we'd rather have a child than a sister". What a jerk BIL.
Bernd Herbert 1 week ago
Never ever let you pressure to do anything with your body! F**k those YTAs
Starfish63 1 week ago
I take it the BIL and those calling OP an AH have not experienced the pain of heavy periods or endometriosis/PCOS, etc.? If BIL wants a mini-me so bad he can damn well have it himself. As for the person calling OP an AH and saying she hates her sister - Talk about giving of incel vibes.
Nikole 6 days ago
And even if she didn’t have any of those issues, no one should expect her or anyone to be a surrogate!
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 1 week ago
OP didn't rob anyone of anything. Nature is unfair and brutal, but that's how it is sometimes, so sister and BIL need to accept that and look at their options through that lens. I'm glad the mom and husband have her back though.
Kristen Sharp 1 week ago
To the complete A*****e Wunderkid_0519, what are you? You're one of those "your body, my choice" morons aren't you? You need a good swift kick to the head! My monster in law was asking when my now ex and I were going to have kids and my answer was "I can't. I had a car accident that scrambled my insides and if by chance I DID get pregnant, we'd both die somewhere along the lines. Her answer was "but it's a risk every woman takes!" So I said, "you want a kid so bad lady, go and f*****g have one!" I honestly didn't want any anyway and at 48, I'm glad I didn't.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
Right below the belt. With a Louisville Slugger.
Load More Replies... StumblingThroughLife 1 week ago
3 YTAers - who are probably the vile BiL, incognito. NTA big time. Her body, her choice, and the BiL (& YTAers, if not him) needs to back off.
Beth Wheeler 1 week ago
Her doctor's have wanted her to get a hysterectomy for a long time. Her sister knows what she has been going through with her cycles since she was 9. I can understand the sister wanting a baby but asking her was wrong and I think it was the BIL pressuring her to ask, he then gets pissed off when she says no. Her medical problems are none of his business but maybe he should be told in all of the horrible details to hopefully shut him up. She needs the hysterectomy and should do it as planned with her C-section.
Libstak 1 week ago (edited)
She is having her 3rd caesarian birth, that is more than enough for any woman to deal with and removing her uterus asap will prevent that scarring from adding to future menstrual complications when her periods are already excruciating. BIL had no right to say a word and sister may have been unable to stop herself having bad feelings in the short term but she seems like she would understand long term why it is no feasible. I agree with the commentor who says BIL is treating her like she is some brood mare and that is coloured by his mysoginistic perception of women in general, what an a.s.s.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 week ago
Your body, my choice is not any less evil when it's your sister making the choices.
Kristin 1 week ago
Wow this is exactly why I had a hysterectomy done so early. I wasn't asked to be a surrogate but the painful periods she suffers from, I did as well. I started my periods early as well and man they were painful to the point of not being able to work. I'd bleed for almost the whole month. I was lucky to get a full week not bleeding. I then got pregnant with my daughter at 20 and delivered at 21. I was in labor for 2 days and finally delivered naturally. I felt something wrong a couple hours after delivery and then all went black. I ended up hemorrhaging badly and got 3 blood transfusions and the Dr had to perform a emergency hysterectomy. I was devastated as I wanted one more baby so my daughter wasn't an only child but I got depressed cause I felt it wasn't my decision for the hysterectomy but dr had to, to save my life. He stated if I was to get pregnant again I was at a very high chance of neither me or baby surviving.
tee-lena 1 week ago
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were not able to have more, since they were wanted. I am very glad, however, that you survived. Hugs if needed
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 1 week ago
OP needs to go NC with anybody who thinks she needs to do this for her sis. Block phone numbers, cut off all contact, etc.
Surly Scot 1 week ago
Always go looking for your comments. Some nice logic and reason among the idiocy and hatred.
Load More Replies... Jostanquecla 1 week ago
This is disgusting. My sister has one healthy baby and I, after four years of trying, have not been able to have a successful pregnancy. I would never even consider asking her to risk her health or comfort just so that I can have a child.
Abraxas59 1 week ago (edited)
Ok yta trolls get over yourself u must all be men! I really feel for you op I’ve been there and in fact before I had kids I was booked in for a hysterectomy but I was offered a mirina coil while I waited in that time I met a new man who unlike my controlling husband was nt so at 34 I had the coil taken out and had my two kids at 35-39 had coil put back in again removed at 43 to try for another which I sadly lost and I never went back with the coil and I started the menopause at 50 also I had to go on the pill at 16;cos I hadn’t even started my monthly’s but I know the pain totally cos mine once started where a living hell NTA your kids need a healthy happy mum and if your bother in-law can’t see that then he’s a nasty piece of work who should never ever be a father and your sis should look at him in a different light to now Blessed be op and and I hope the birth n op goes well xx
Nils Skirnir 1 week ago
Frightening what women have to go through. Especially regarding childbirth. I know I’ll never understand the push to have children
Biljana Malesevic 1 week ago
Well duh, this one is obvious. It's her body, no one else can "own" it or claim it in any way or for any reason.
brandyy17 1 week ago
if the OP is having serious medical issues where she is in massive pain bc of a period she is absolutely in the right to decline. she doesnt want to b in pain anymore its perfectly reasonable. i can see her sister understands this but its the bil thats the issue here. he doesnt understand the situation and thinks she can just do it no problem.
Sara Shamsabadi 1 week ago
wow that couple sounds completely unhinged. There are young children suffering who need families, if they want to be parents so badly then they'd adopt. Otherwise they are being selfish
sweet emotion 1 week ago
Maybe I'm more private than most people but while I support OP's decision, I do not understand why she even discussed her medical decision with anyone but her husband. She has a c-section planned for the birth of her child, and that is all anyone needed to know prior to the delivery. IF at some later date the sister asked about surrogacy, then OP would tell her it can't happen.
Robin Roper 6 days ago
Does BIL think having a baby is like having a mole removed. He is delusional.
Ginger ninja 1 week ago
If OP already suspects BIL considers this “his baby” then she needs to be prepared for sis and BIL to try and take the baby away because the entitlement here from them both is insane
Shaggy 1 week ago
WTF, He thinks the baby, in your body, conceived with your husband, should be his this time?? WTF, no really WTF?? And they are calling you selfish?? Hide the kid after birth.. This dude seems like he might just rationalize kidnaping the child and leaving the damn country. WTF??
Nikki Angulo 5 days ago
Hy, BP, tell me you just and pasted a batch of comments without proofreading, without telling me you cut and pasted a batch of comments! Seriously?
Ozymandias 6 days ago (edited)
For all the YTA's: her body, her choice. She's in f**king pain whenever her time of the month arrives, she has endured it for YEARS, and y'all expect her to f**king put herself in pain AGAIN so her brother-in-law (who sounds like a "her body, my choice" kind of guy) and her sister WHO KNOWS FIRSTHAND WHAT OP GOES THROUGH, to have a baby. What the f**k?
jennifer brinkman 6 days ago
Extremely selfish to ask a woman to risk her LIFE for ungrateful people that think women are baby machines!! F*ck them all!!
Julie Schraeder 6 days ago
Maybe sis can donate some eggs if that is the problem, but frankly it is enough that she doesn't want to be a surrogate. Having medical issues makes it more understandable but not wanting to do it is enough.
Milady Blue 6 days ago
If sis and BIL wants a baby so badly, then OP can donate her uterus to them post hysterectomy and they can put up with the misery OP is currently dealing with.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
What would life be like without the YTAERS? Boring, I suspect, but much more saner.
You May Like Woman Asks If She’d Be Wrong Not To Attend A Baby Shower If There’s No Proof Of Baby’s Existence Teen Ignores Sister’s Warning About Babysitting, Makes A Mistake That Lands Her And Toddler In ER Woman Fakes Emergency To Test BF’s Commitment, Ends Up Regretting It
Gabija Palšytė
Ieva Pečiulytė
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
33
62