Yikes. That kid is going to have it rough because she was born to two people who really shouldn't have had kids in the first place. I'm definitely on the ESH train. Honestly, if she would have given her up for adoption if her husband had died, she may as well take that same course now because he clearly does not want to be a father any more than she wants to be a mother.

Men do the same s**t all the time, they refuse to use BC and this asshat coerced her int o having a baby, then has the gall to get mad cuz he has to take responsibility??? F that noise. She did the right thing.

I think the mother is just extremely honest about not being able to be the primary parent for the child with her health issues. She does not sound like an ah to me, she sounds mature and like she knows of her limitations and wants the best for her daughter. "What good will I be for her in 8-10 years when I can't work anymore" this hit hard

Society rarely knocks a man for walking out the door in a divorce and leaving the kids behind. This is the same thing with the roles reversed. She told him upfront that she would never be a single mother and she is sticking to it. Men walk out every single day and society doesn't even give them a side eye, they are accepted in polite society. Single moms though, they are the bad guys. That neither parent want full custody of this child is very sad and she would probably do better in a different home.

And this is why every person thinking of having a child should fully understand and accept that pregnancy can cause life changing and ending complications, and that they might well end us as a single parent in the future. If they aren't fully able to accept and embrace both potential futures, they shouldn't be having children. End of.

Janelle Collard

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I feel sorry for OP + the baby. The ex just wants to be single so he can start over. A**h***e.

Calling b******t on the "I would never abandon her" stuff. The father becomes irrational and starts seeming violent so she kisses the baby on the head and leaves her in a potentially dangerous situation? I've been in that situation, worrying about a baby being in danger from someone who's a threat. Constantly checking and freaking out, doing your best to ensure the baby's safe while being trapped in a horror show. No no no no no. These are BAD people and that kid is not safe. F**k that guy and f**k her too. Self centered and abusive parents should be prosecuted, but instead they commit crimes and get off the hook over and over

Find an adoptive family for Ramona asap. Dad is violent and Mom can't be a single mother. Don't subject her to years of fighting over who has to take her. There are good parents out there, go through a reputable agency and find her a safe and loving home.

NTA for not wanting full custody of the daughter. She signed up for co-parenting a child, not single motherhood because ex-husband can't be bothered (and probably won't even pay child support). YTA for leaving the daughter with Alex once it became clear he was trying to shove her off onto OP. Forcing a baby onto a 'borderline violent' man who wants to get rid of her... there's no excuse. You don't have to take her yourself, but you need to find someone else (adoption), because Alex is an unfit parent.

Why do women n always have to bear the brunt of men unwilling to take care of their children? This whole story has 2 victims: the child, for obvious reasons and the mother because despite her limited capacity to do so, her ex-husbands callous attitude towards his child will force her into making decisions that are bad for her and the child. He agreed on having a child and he should take responsibility. Obviously leaving the child with him will result, inevitably, in harm to the child. So, make him pay not only for child maintenance, but also for the added help the mother needs in order to care for her child full-time. Also, it's not as if the mother doesn't want to take care of her child: she wants her father to take care of the child as well. Is that such a strange thing to ask?

Funny how if a woman wants shared custody, it's "abandoning" the child. Everyone screams about how the kid is totally unwanted and mom isn't willing to do 50/50. Apparantly we're still stuck on "kids are the moms job"

OFFS, just give the kid up for adoption if neither of you is interested in being a primary parent. He's definately an a*****e, pushing for a kid, then dumping his wife when pregnancy destroys her health, and thinking he can leave his disabled wife as sole parent of a baby, then dumping the baby on him mum. But she's an a*****e too, walking out and leaving the baby with the man who was becoming violent. Yeah, you told him up front you didn't plan to ever be a single parent, but as we all say to the deadbeat dads, the kid is here, it's your responsibility, and you should be taking 50% custody. If neither of you is willing to take 50% custody, let alone more, then place the baby for adoption.

Mothers always seem to get vilified for putting their own goals first. I don't think I have ever seen a man criticized for choosing his career as the top priority. Even today, in 2024, ,stay-at-home-fathers often get the gimlet eye. Double standard per usual. I don't think OP is wrong and she's well rid of her immature husband.

Husband is a complete jerk because life isn't all hunky dorie because of her having major medical problems that almost killed her. He doesn't want her or the be baby after pushing for kids. She doesn't want any custody at all because of her problems and would have put her up for adoption if he had died even if she wasn't sick They need to do a private adoption for this baby since neither of them want her.. I can't imagine not wanting my kids.

NTA What a sad situation & OP has been so rational in facing her limitations, despite the harsh criticism. Imagine the s***storm that's going to rain down on her if they do give up this little girl for adoption. Given his behavior, the father doesn't deserve to have joint custody, much less sole custody. What's his problem anyway? He had some romanticized idea of parenthood, gave OP assurances abt his participation in parenting so she agreed to have achild. She had a very difficult & dangerous pregnancy &, post partum, came close to dieing. So, Dad becomes angry at her - did he think she was faking all this? Furthermore, he had to do the things he had assured OP he would do: be a parent. And that made him angry too. It was hard. It wasn't all rainbows & unicorns - it was work (glad he got to see what moms go through). So now he wants out - OP has health issues & babies need so much of your time & attention - not what he signed up for. And he doesn't really want custody, even shared -

Don't have kids if you don't really want to. It just won't end well.

First YTA is contradictory, because if the husband is an AH too (as they admit), it should be ESH.

This child is young enough to be adopted quickly! She will not sit in foster care. They should finally do the best for their child and give her to a family that is longing to have her. The mother isn't doing her child right by trying to force the "father" to be a father. Obviously she isn't healthy mentally or physically either. They are both TA's unless they let her go.

All these YTA commenters have NO idea what it's like to be a single parent with physical disabilities. You think it's hard with a body that works? And with a co-parent? Try doing it with a body that's completely unreliable and no co-parent to spell you off or work at it WITH you. This woman seems to understand her own limitations and how harmful her situation would be to both her child and herself, if she were to take on disabled single-parenthood. I respect her for putting her child first, even though it's difficult. But I also agree with those who say to put the child up for adoption, and don't let that man raise her either.

You know what give her up for adoption, it's no good throwing around who the AH is in this - your daughter deserves more and in her best interest it would not be good to stay with either of you, hope everything works out for her, best of luck. I could not have any more children after my son and would happily adopt.

Poor little girl. They both suck. Dad is the worse of the two in my opinion. He wanted the child. He either has someone waiting on him, or he's looking forward to being free and single.

That kid is F'd

If there is still love from her parents then some kind of sharing the parental responsibilities is the correct move. Adoption is not some magical solution. Ask any adoptee. The dad here is a gd pos for acting this way when the mom almost DIED as a direct result of the pregnancy. He's a giant man baby who should be grateful he didn't become a single father widower.

I wish they'd teach kids when they're young that babies are not band-aids. They will not fix anything that's broken. What would this woman have done if the father died? "I said I'll never be a single mother, you better get your zombie a$$ up over here to take care of your child." She should have known better and he has no business having custody of a child for any length of time. Shame on both of them for having this child when they're both unfit.

Love is not only a feeling, it’s a set of actions that have a positive impact. This mom doesn’t love her child and neither does the dad. That poor baby needs a loving home not the toxic waste these two will heap onto her. Shame on both of these disgusting people.

What? Now No! You're both AHs & this little girl ought to be put up for adoption so she'll actually have a decent family. You both are missing the responsibility chip. Get yourselves sterilized ASAP... How awful

Op can say all she wants and profess her undying love, but if I were Ramona I will never believe one word she utters for as long as I live. Op should just remember, one day you'll be old and weak and I hope Ramona will shower you with the same kind of care you have shown her.

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Wow op your a piece of work lady when you choose to have kids you do it UNCONDITIONALLY, I’m a line mum now have been for 13 yrs due to divorce n he has nothing to do with them at all I’ve no back up no family but I’m damned if I’d have given up my kids for anyone ! That poor poor child having parents like you loads have issues after birth they don’t give up their kids cos of it loads get divorced again don’t give up their kids kids please please get sterilised! You do not deserve kids your I love her with all my heart yup so much you don’t want her pure evil sorry but I tell it as it is and you are some kind of wrong