While the amount of time and effort a couple puts into planning their wedding can differ, the decision to tie the knot in today’s Western society is made together. Or so Reddit user u/UnexpectedlyMarried thought.

Recently, her long-time boyfriend threw them a surprise wedding and she was the last to know. As the ceremony fell on her with all of its unexpected weight, the woman felt overwhelmed and told her partner that she could not attend it.

The man, however, took this as a personal insult, and after a huge family drama erupted, the woman made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ explaining the situation in more detail and asking for its members’ opinion on the way she handled it all.

Continue scrolling to check out what they said and don’t miss the conversation we had with Lisa Burton, aka The Bridal Consultant, who has two decades worth of experience in planning weddings abroad.

This woman was hoping to marry her long-time boyfriend

Image credits: Tamara Bellis (not the actual photo)

But when he threw them a surprise wedding, the sudden nature of the ceremony was too much for her to handle

Image credits: Al Elmes (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Sandy Millar (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Dmitry Schemelev (not the actual photo)

As her story went viral, the woman shared its latest developments

Image credits: Unexpectedlymarried

No amount of time couples spend planning their wedding is truly the same

Image credits: Photos by Lanty (not the actual photo)

Some lovebirds elope after just a few weeks of preparing, while others spend years getting their big day just right. But, on average, it often takes about one year to lay it all out. This period is usually enough to give couples enough time to book a venue, hire necessary vendors, find the proper attire, and more.

While a surprise wedding offers the feeling of spontaneity, it still involves a fair share of planning for the person who is organizing it. However, if the timing and conditions are right, it can be lots of fun.

“A surprise wedding can be an incredibly romantic gesture, it has the obvious advantage that you 100% get to do things your own way,” Lisa Burton, the founder and head wedding planner of The Bridal Consultant told Bored Panda. “It immediately removes potential interference from family members or guests trying to have their say in your wedding day arrangements. You can keep the day as intimate as you like, even involving just you and your partner, so also completely stress-free!”

“The downsides are you need to be confident your partner will be happy to go along with the surprise,” Burton added. “Can you be sure they don’t want to be involved in the wedding planning, or possibly marrying without any family involvement or attending?”

“Surprise weddings by their nature will be smaller in guest numbers, as guests can’t plan around work holidays or commitments, etc. If you want to be sure of guest attendance, then you have to find a way to tell guests in advance and be confident they won’t ‘let slip’ about the plans to the bride. So yes, a few elements of risk, but then that’s part of the fun.”

Surprise weddings do happen, but it’s usually the guests who are kept in the dark, not a member of the couple

Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)

Burton said that her team at The Bridal Consultant “almost” planned a surprise wedding a few years ago.

“I say almost because the groom wanted to have a legal wedding which was impossible without the bride giving legal notice and signing some legal documents in the lead-up to the wedding,” she explained. “Once he’d considered all the logistics and practicalities, the groom decided to tell her; however, he waited until 3 months before (when the legal work began) and luckily, I’m pleased to say she was happy!”

It takes dedication and energy to re-establish the sense of safety you need for a relationship to thrive and continue to grow. But even though recovering from a break in trust is difficult, it’s up to the author of the post and her partner to figure it all out. Who knows, maybe they can still build a happy marriage.

Most people said she did absolutely nothing wrong

But some thought nobody was to blame

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