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“AITA For Leaving In The Middle Of Lunch Because I Didn’t Want To Continue The Conversation?”
If your child has any developmental challenges, such as speech delays, be prepared for criticism of your parenting from the most unexpected people. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about – my two older daughters also had speech delays. And it was actually damn frustrating to hear unfair criticism from relatives who weren’t even close to knowing all the details.
The user u/thronedownandout, the author of today’s story, also faced something similar when her own mother criticized her for the fact that her three-year-old son isn’t that talkative for his age. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves in reading the tale.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a 3-year-old son whom she loves very much, and she does her best to raise him properly
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The only problem here is that the boy isn’t that talkative and usually prefers to communicate with gestures
Image credits: thronedownandout
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The mom is aware of all the possible problems here and is actively searching for a speech therapist
Image credits: thronedownandout
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, her own mother thinks that she is wrong for letting the kid communicate how he wants
Image credits: thronedownandout
Recently, at a family gathering, the grandma started criticizing the author again – and she ended up just leaving
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 24 years old. She’s a single mom to her 3-year-old son ‘Cass,’ and she’s happily raising him. The boy is very smart and, according to his mom, the only thing that bothers her is that for his age, Cass is not very willing to talk. No, he understands everything, he knows a lot of words, but he prefers to communicate with gestures.
The author believes that this is not a problem, and their pediatrician also agrees with her, but she is still looking for a speech therapist, and in the meantime, she is studying sign language with Cass. In turn, the author’s mother has long been ready to sound the alarm about this, and always tries to literally force her grandson to communicate with speech, even if it’s uncomfortable for him.
Another drama on this matter broke out recently during a family lunch, where the author’s stepdad, her stepbrother and his family (in particular, his son, a year older than Cass) were also present.
While ordering food, another boy told the waiter what he wanted, while Cass pointed at the menu. The OP’s mom and stepdad again began loudly comparing the communication skills of their two grandkids – not in Cass’s favor – and this angered our heroine.
She simply paid for her order and, taking the food with her, left with her son. And when her mom later called her and criticized her for her “disrespectful behavior,” she objected that if anyone was disrespectful in this situation, it was the mother and her husband themselves, discussing the little kids in their presence.
Another quarrel followed, during which the mom told the original poster that she was doing her son a disservice by allowing him to communicate in a way that was only comfortable for him. So the author decided to ask people online for advice on how right she was doing in general, and in this case in particular.
Image credits: Markus Spiske / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Experts say that on average, by the age of three, a child should already be able to speak in short sentences, and relatives and family members should easily understand most of what they say. The opposite situation, however, is not necessarily related to speech delay – however, any diagnosis and identification of the causes of the current situation is the sole responsibility of a doctor.
“In any case, it is necessary to develop speech skills for a child – because this is the basic level of communication,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “At the same time, reluctance to speak may indicate certain issues – for example, selective mutism. But this, in any case, should only be recorded by a doctor.”
“Be that as it may, the very fact that this mother says that she is looking for a speech therapist indicates that she’s trying to resolve this issue for her child. At the same time, despite the grandmother’s concern being quite understandable, her methods actually raise questions. For example, comparing two children directly in their presence is, to put it mildly, unpedagogical.”
“So in this particular situation, the mother did the right thing by cutting off discussions about her child that were unpleasant to her and probably to him. The rest is details. I hope that she will be able to find a good speech therapist who will help her son and that everything will be fine with them. The most important thing is that she has a sincere desire to take care of her child,” Irina concludes.
People in the comments also gave the original poster their full support, although some commenters urged the mom to pay close attention to this issue. In any case, as the commenters believe, the relatives had no right to behave as described. “You’re already a better mom than you had,” someone wrote in the comments. And what do you, our dear readers, also think about this described situation?
Most commenters supported the author but also urged her to find a speech therapist for her son as soon as possible
Poll Question
Do you agree with the mom's approach of allowing Cass to communicate through gestures and sign language?
Yes, it's important to let him communicate how he's comfortable
No, he should be encouraged to speak more
I'm not sure, it's a complicated situation
It depends on the advice of a professional
How sad OP's parents are AHs + refuse to learn about selective mutism. 😒 Op's a great mom, sticking up for her son + talking to his doctor.
My son didn't speak till he was 5 he is autistic. I now can't get him to shut up but I wouldn't change it. It tuck years of SLT and communication cards to get him speaking
Load More Replies...And … what? Everything is wildly different about how kids speak two years later? Is this article now irrelevant because all the info in it is wrong? What’s your issue? Use your words to explain it.
Patience. My son was the same, didn't want to talk until he could speak perfectly in complete sentences, sometime between three and four years old. Many people suggested we get a speach therapist, but I knew he was doing ok and didn't push it. He was alwasy a straight A student in school, very smart.
I was like this also. I just listened and took everything in until I felt I could put everything together in a sentence. I'm not on the spectrum. It just took me longer to get started. And then once I started school my teachers #1 comment about me was always that I talked too much!
Good for OP. Though I was a bit disappointed. I was hoping the story was about someone just randomly getting up and leaving which I'm sure we all have thought about doing at some point. No explanation just stand up and walk away. That would be epic.
This child will clam up even further because of the rudicule and it is likely to make his communication even worse with anyone other than his mother. I worked with multiple children over the years who either could not, or would not speak. Her family are setting a dangerous boundary and are going to end up no contact.
My nephew didn’t speak much until he was about 4 and used a bit of sign language too. They had him in speech therapy for a while but he started speaking more and caught up. No learning disability and not on the spectrum - just took his time and communicated in his own way for a while. All grown up and in college now.
Well, I've learned something. My initial thought was that if he can speak well, then OP should gently encourage him to use his voice when asking for things but after reading the NTA's and comments here it seems that could do more damage than good! To clarify, I completely disagree with OPs parents interfering, not just in public but full stop, especially in the way they did.
OP is doing an amazing job as a mother and the fact that Cass trust her is something that is built through love. It's amazing that OP came out as such an amazing mother if we take her AH mother's attitude. Keep doing what works for you and Cass
My very verbose and intelligent brother just pointed and grunted until he was almost 4. The pediatrician told my mother that he would talk when he was ready. I was a non stop chatterbox, and as his older sister, did all the talking for him according to mom. When he was fed up with that, he did his own talking. Why the push and the rush?
This p*sses me off to no end. I was mostly non-verbal until I was 5. Sounds like this kid is dealing with a lot with not having a father around. I had similar circumstances.
The grandparents opinion is just THAT - theirs, and an opinion. It's not an order from on high that MUST be obeyed. NTA for leaving them to it and walking out.
Kid doesn't need a speech therapist, he needs a mother with a backbone to make him do what he is capable of doing. Quit making little problems into "my child has autism". He has a discipline problem because, if he's capable to talk plainly and rationally and make his own choices, then mom needs to do her job as a parent and MAKE him do it.
I was very shy as a child. Put me in front of people I don't regularly see or a big group, and you would barely get a peep out of me, especially men. To be fair, though, it was the late '70's, a hairier time.
OP's son CAN speak and also knows ASL which makes him twice as smart as his AH grandparents. Just because he chooses not to use his words when around them doesn't mean there is something wrong with him. It means he hears a different drummer when communicating. He is actually bilingual at age 3, he is able to communicate. Unfortunately, his grandparents don't have a clue how intelligent this little guy is.
This really pisses me off. My DIL has a nephew who is non verbal. All of his cousins are learning sign language to include him. I'm related by marriage and I'm learning his language too because I look after them all sometimes. It really isn't hard to be accepting.
My half-brother didn't make so much as a peep until he was about 3. Nor did he know how to crawl "properly" although he could sort of drag himself from A to B. Then he found his voice and we were literally bribing him to shut up. Cass will get there.
How many years are you going to wait? “Like I said, I've spoken to his pediatrician. I'm currently looking for speech therapists, and I've been thinking about getting him assessed for a while now, I'll just have to bring it up to the doctor.“
As an autistic person, I feel such joy at the fact that this kid (on the spectrum or just selective mutism) has such a supportive mom. This is what it takes to help us grow up *not* feeling like we're broken. It's so s****y for this family to talk about him like he's not even there... :(
My stranger-on-the-internet opinion leans towards being on the spectrum. Whatever's behind it, whether it be extreme shyness or autism or anything - pressuring a kid to do something he clearly does not want to do, and not just because he's being stubborn or whatever, will have the opposite effect
Yo BP, what do you think a 50-year-old looks like? 'cause Not The Actual Picture over there is at least a generation older than that.
I think letting him sign so much is a bad idea. What if he chooses that over speaking? Not many people know sign so it could cause a lot of problems in the future. Also, I'm not much of a talker. Mom told me when I was that little I wouldn't talk much either. Still don't talk much unless I have something to say.
How sad OP's parents are AHs + refuse to learn about selective mutism. 😒 Op's a great mom, sticking up for her son + talking to his doctor.
My son didn't speak till he was 5 he is autistic. I now can't get him to shut up but I wouldn't change it. It tuck years of SLT and communication cards to get him speaking
Load More Replies...And … what? Everything is wildly different about how kids speak two years later? Is this article now irrelevant because all the info in it is wrong? What’s your issue? Use your words to explain it.
Patience. My son was the same, didn't want to talk until he could speak perfectly in complete sentences, sometime between three and four years old. Many people suggested we get a speach therapist, but I knew he was doing ok and didn't push it. He was alwasy a straight A student in school, very smart.
I was like this also. I just listened and took everything in until I felt I could put everything together in a sentence. I'm not on the spectrum. It just took me longer to get started. And then once I started school my teachers #1 comment about me was always that I talked too much!
Good for OP. Though I was a bit disappointed. I was hoping the story was about someone just randomly getting up and leaving which I'm sure we all have thought about doing at some point. No explanation just stand up and walk away. That would be epic.
This child will clam up even further because of the rudicule and it is likely to make his communication even worse with anyone other than his mother. I worked with multiple children over the years who either could not, or would not speak. Her family are setting a dangerous boundary and are going to end up no contact.
My nephew didn’t speak much until he was about 4 and used a bit of sign language too. They had him in speech therapy for a while but he started speaking more and caught up. No learning disability and not on the spectrum - just took his time and communicated in his own way for a while. All grown up and in college now.
Well, I've learned something. My initial thought was that if he can speak well, then OP should gently encourage him to use his voice when asking for things but after reading the NTA's and comments here it seems that could do more damage than good! To clarify, I completely disagree with OPs parents interfering, not just in public but full stop, especially in the way they did.
OP is doing an amazing job as a mother and the fact that Cass trust her is something that is built through love. It's amazing that OP came out as such an amazing mother if we take her AH mother's attitude. Keep doing what works for you and Cass
My very verbose and intelligent brother just pointed and grunted until he was almost 4. The pediatrician told my mother that he would talk when he was ready. I was a non stop chatterbox, and as his older sister, did all the talking for him according to mom. When he was fed up with that, he did his own talking. Why the push and the rush?
This p*sses me off to no end. I was mostly non-verbal until I was 5. Sounds like this kid is dealing with a lot with not having a father around. I had similar circumstances.
The grandparents opinion is just THAT - theirs, and an opinion. It's not an order from on high that MUST be obeyed. NTA for leaving them to it and walking out.
Kid doesn't need a speech therapist, he needs a mother with a backbone to make him do what he is capable of doing. Quit making little problems into "my child has autism". He has a discipline problem because, if he's capable to talk plainly and rationally and make his own choices, then mom needs to do her job as a parent and MAKE him do it.
I was very shy as a child. Put me in front of people I don't regularly see or a big group, and you would barely get a peep out of me, especially men. To be fair, though, it was the late '70's, a hairier time.
OP's son CAN speak and also knows ASL which makes him twice as smart as his AH grandparents. Just because he chooses not to use his words when around them doesn't mean there is something wrong with him. It means he hears a different drummer when communicating. He is actually bilingual at age 3, he is able to communicate. Unfortunately, his grandparents don't have a clue how intelligent this little guy is.
This really pisses me off. My DIL has a nephew who is non verbal. All of his cousins are learning sign language to include him. I'm related by marriage and I'm learning his language too because I look after them all sometimes. It really isn't hard to be accepting.
My half-brother didn't make so much as a peep until he was about 3. Nor did he know how to crawl "properly" although he could sort of drag himself from A to B. Then he found his voice and we were literally bribing him to shut up. Cass will get there.
How many years are you going to wait? “Like I said, I've spoken to his pediatrician. I'm currently looking for speech therapists, and I've been thinking about getting him assessed for a while now, I'll just have to bring it up to the doctor.“
As an autistic person, I feel such joy at the fact that this kid (on the spectrum or just selective mutism) has such a supportive mom. This is what it takes to help us grow up *not* feeling like we're broken. It's so s****y for this family to talk about him like he's not even there... :(
My stranger-on-the-internet opinion leans towards being on the spectrum. Whatever's behind it, whether it be extreme shyness or autism or anything - pressuring a kid to do something he clearly does not want to do, and not just because he's being stubborn or whatever, will have the opposite effect
Yo BP, what do you think a 50-year-old looks like? 'cause Not The Actual Picture over there is at least a generation older than that.
I think letting him sign so much is a bad idea. What if he chooses that over speaking? Not many people know sign so it could cause a lot of problems in the future. Also, I'm not much of a talker. Mom told me when I was that little I wouldn't talk much either. Still don't talk much unless I have something to say.
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