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109
People Are Ready To Shred This Woman For Not Liking Her Engagement Ring, Until They See The Photo
An engagement ring is a massive deal for many. While it may symbolize love and/or status, it’s a shiny little keepsake that every woman would want to keep for the rest of their life.
But is it the same case for an unattractive piece of jewelry? A woman encountered this problem when she received what she described as a “horrendous” and “impractical” ring from her fiancé.
It saddened her so much that it drove her to tears as the couple realized a few new things about themselves. Read through the entire story and see how it plays out.
RELATED:
A couple was nearly in shambles because of an unattractive engagement ring
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman described the heart-shaped piece of jewelry as “huge” and “gaudy”
She shared a photo of it that confirmed her words
Image credits: anon
The author provided an update, saying she did speak to her husband and resolved the issue
Image credits: anon
Healthy communication is a safeguard against resentment
Image credits: Ray Shrewsberry / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author’s biggest hurdle is communicating harsh sentiments to her husband without hurting him. At the same time, she avoids misinterpretation that may make her come off as shallow.
Healthy communication is essential in every relationship. It deepens intimacy and, as licensed therapist Dr. Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC, points out, prevents resentment and unhealthy conflict.
In her article for Choosing Therapy, Dr. Gulotta explained how proper communication and openness may avert feelings of disconnect and lack of intimacy, which often leads to resentment and relationship burnout.
At the same time, it can prevent unnecessary escalations of emotions and to avoid someone from blowing things out of proportion.
“Avoidance or withdrawal can also occur when a person thinks their partner is unwilling to start or continue an interaction,” Dr. Gulotta wrote.
Part of achieving healthy communication in a romantic relationship is having the occasional difficult conversation. However, many people avoid its abrasive nature, and understandably so.
According to Maryland-based psychologist Dr. Helene Brenner, expressing what you want isn’t wrong. What matters most is when to say it.
In an article for her website, Dr. Brenner emphasized the importance of dialogue and hearing what your partner has to say. Saying what you want then happens as a respectful response, not an “angry dismissal.”
“If your goal is for them to hear what you feel, it’s a lot more likely to happen if they feel like you appreciate why it isn’t so simple,” Dr. Brenner wrote.
Dr. Brenner also suggests lowering the “threat level” by showing empathy, especially toward someone defensive. As she notes, the person is likely avoiding the truth, especially if they are in the wrong. They will likely respond more positively if you make them feel safe and do not condemn them.
Fortunately, the couple talked things through despite sharing a few tears. The woman expressed her feelings without insulting her husband, who owned up to his mistake. They handled the situation maturely without causing tension.
The author replied to some comments as readers gave their honest reactions
Poll Question
How would you approach discussing an engagement ring you're unhappy with?
Talk openly about my feelings
Suggest picking a new one together
Focus on practical concerns about the ring
Avoid the topic to spare feelings
What do you think ?
Lousha 1 week ago
I'm from a country where engagement rings traditionally don't exist (of course, nowadays all is fair, some people even celebrate Halloween now which has zero ties to our country...), proposals involve no ring whatsoever, taking the knee, any of that. The guy (again, traditionally) just asks you, and if you say yes, soon the two of you would go and choose your wedding bands, which are usually simple gold bands, no stones, nothing flashy. You are wearing those on one hand during engagement, then on the other after the wedding. Simple, no fuss, no speanding ridiculous money on diamonds and the like, and no competition about who has the largest/shiniest etc ring.
Lousha 1 week ago
It's also worth mentioning that lots of men (without wanting to generalize too much) really, truly can't "see" jewelry. They can look at your ring collection of a hundred rings with a very uniform style and all they'll see is a bunch of things that go on fingers. Even if they do their very-very best, they just won't be able to see the similarities and nuances. If I ever wanted to be married and an engagement ring to be part of the "deal" , I would make sure to tell the guy very early on that I don't ever want a surprise engagement ring. It just sets you both up to exatly this scenario, where everyone is hurt over nothing.
Load More Replies...
Princess Possum 1 week ago
My late father was a wonderful dad and husband, but God bless him, he had the absolute worst taste in jewelry for my mom. Eventually my sister and I convinced him to let us pick it out, or for him to go to my mom's favorite jewelry store where they knew her well and could give him a couple of options to choose from. I'll never forget the Christmas with the thickest, gaudiest 1980s gold chain ever.
Ms.GB 1 week ago
They also don't usually wear rings before getting married. Some do I suppose but not having worn a ring OPs fiancee probably couldn't look at that ring and see what a pain in the butt it would be. Also like you said if you aren't into jewelry or don't wear it you aren't going to know about different materials or styles. If he wanted it to be a surprise he should've brought another woman in like a sister or OPs friend. That would've been a better idea than going in blind.
Ms.GB 1 week ago
I like that, I think OP would've been ok with that. I'm not picky and I don't think engagement rings should cost an arm and a leg but they should be able to last. Tbh I wouldn't want to wear a ring that large everyday, bands are a great option. I also like that this couple was able to have an honest conversation and come up with a solution. I'm sure they'll both look back and laugh about it someday.
Stannous Flouride 1 week ago
I am amused by how much the American version of Halloween has infected other countries. It's a mix of several disparate pagan festivals that were hijacked by Xians and relabeled as "All Hallows Eve." What we have is a fairly recent development here, mostly driven by commercial interests. I've been in several different countries where I've seen their take on it and my favorite is the Japanese. So, where are you from and how do your compatriots celebrate it?
Lousha 1 week ago
I'm Hungarian. Those celebrating here do an exact copy of what you see in American movies.
Stannous Flouride 1 week ago
Köszönöm. Budapest azóta is azon a helyek listáján szerepel, ahová szeretnék eljutni, amióta a középiskolában képviseltem Magyarországot az Egyesült Nemzetek Modelljén. 72 évesen attól tartok, nem lesz lehetőségem rá.
Crystalwitch60 1 week ago
As a white witch I hate Halloween in its form now it’s kids begging for sweets with menace so so wrong n yup it’s actually a Wiccan / pagan thing as you rightly said a night where the vile tween life n death is very very thin , We can talk to the other side , makes me laugh in a way that they burned us at the stake in Salem for being witches (even this I’m in uk I am a decendent of the Salem witches ) then they steal our all hallows eve talk about adding insult to injury !!
Stannous Flouride 1 week ago
Me too. And, btw- you can click on the 3 dots to the right of your name if you want to edit your comment and change the typo from 'vile' to 'veil.' By the Goddess Blessed Be.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 week ago (edited)
This was nearly a decade ago?! I would at least want an update! Edit, dear reader, 6 years ago she replied on a different post talking about “my husband” and saying she was soon to be a FTM, full time mum? So hopefully everything worked out well for them 🤞
emily_harvey116 1 week ago
STOP CENSORING non-swear words (or ALL words). If someone can't read the word "crappy" without being offended, they need to find a rock to crawl under.
Seedy Vine 1 week ago
If BP can't stop censoring us perhaps we could all go on a comment strike. Might look like fewer clicks and so forth to their advertisers, who they're censoring us for in the first place.
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 1 week ago
LOL, you're both delusional. It's an AI program, not an actual person. And they don't care if you comment or not. That's ridiculous.
roddy 1 week ago
This looks like something a toddler would pick out or something you'd find in a cracker jack box. He even admits he went out of his way to get something unlike the rings she likes to wear. Because he finds them dull and boring. No thought to what she might like, given that she's the one who will have to wear it.
Lyone Fein 1 week ago
TBH, I have never understood why people waste so much money on engagement rings (and big weddings too) when they can use those thousands of dollars towards a down payment on a house. Or to start a college fund for their eventual children.
Joe Reaves 1 week ago
I saw this on reddit recently and the first comment totally summed it up. They said you read through the post and are sure you know what the ring is like and then you see the pic and are like ... woah, that's way worse. The setting makes it look like something off of one of those little stalls in malls designed to catch the eye of teenagers.
UKDeek 1 week ago
I think this is a perfect example of "know your audience", and that goes for both people. Some people have something specific in mind, some people want something flash and expensive, others want something less expensive but unique. If you intend to spend the rest of your life with someone, then you need to at least get to know a little bit about them, or is that an old fashioned way of thinking?
weatherwitch 1 week ago
Amber is full of insects and things and nothing says romance more than an engagement ring with an amber stone full of dead things 🙄😔 Now I have had an amber ring I've worn every day for over two decades without any issue. Washing up, sanding, painting, no issues so I've no experience of it being damaged or what the OP said. I Love Amber 🧡 This ring design however looks like one of those one quid mood rings. I cannot believe that someone took beautiful amber and created *that* from it. It's bad. I'm really glad it's been resolved for them Both, that was awful.
Daman dan 1 week ago (edited)
My wife's ring is a 3/4ct solitaire in a white gold, cathedral-style setting. I thought classic and elegant. She finds it bulky and says it's always catching on things and just not her style (she really isn't a diamond person). She stopped wearing it when our child was born to prevent hurting him. After that she wore it for a few years afterwards, then just stopped. In hindsight, it made for a nice romantic moment, but we should have just exchanged it for something she liked. It really isn't a big deal! FWIW, her uncle is a jewelsmith and we are planning to have him do something with it
MotherofGuineaPigs 1 week ago
My late husband gave me a cut glass engagement ring. I didn't care. Later he got me a ring with my favorite stone - dark red garnet. We weren't together for stuff (he had terminal cancer) we loved each other more than that. I wish more people were lucky like that.
Alro 1 week ago
Love doesn't come from the ring, that's a lot of problems for at best a piece of metal, at worst an socially imposed symbol. When traditions make people cry, maybe it's better to look at the tradition than the people
J. Maxx 1 week ago
By his reaction and what he said, he did put thought and feelings into choosing the ring. She could have done like my Mom and plenty of other mature women have done throughout time, picked out another ring down the road. No, instead she made him feel like s**t about it before the wedding. She's a s******d.
Peter Bear 1 week ago
Do you want to marry the man, or the ring? If you're really in love, then why does it matter if he proposed with a perfect ring, an ugly ring, or a cereal box prize? This man proposed, because he clearly loves this woman. His heart was in the right place even if his decision was poor. Yes, OK, fair; he didn't listen to her request. But to be this angry about it? It's just a thing. An object. An item. What it *represents* is the point.
Sarah Jan Kelly 1 week ago
Yes and it represents him not paying attention to what she might actually like wearing, and not taking the time to research whether the material he chose would hold up to regular wear. Buying something that will fall apart isn’t great symbolism.
Lyoness 1 week ago
My partner proposed with an antique ring they'd spent months looking for. It's filigreed with a small diamond, feminine and pretty, and I HATE it. It's not my style, it's nothing I'd have chosen, but you know what? I wear it every single day because I love them, I love what it means and I know it makes them happy. I have never and will never tell them I don't like it. Their feelings and our marriage are way more important than a piece of jewelry. She hates her gaudy ring? Fine, so go pick out your wedding bands together and when you get married, put the ugly heart ring on your other hand. It'll wear out in a few years, then you can buy what you like. Come on people, it's just jewelry.
Purple tiger 1 week ago
Call me old fashioned or just old. An engagement ring is a beautiful gift and I’d just wear it. I don’t care how ugly it is.
Sergio Bicerra 1 week ago
I agree with you that is a thoughtful gift and should be praised but seems op's fiancee (now husband) didn't thought it well. Overall, you can blame him of bad taste but not blame him for being a bad partner, just a dummy.
MC293856 1 week ago
Red flag dude!! Don't marry her!! She is a materialistic c**t. Get out now!!
Toggaph de Dratersi 1 week ago
I learned early on that unless you are a straight male Human you should never, ever, buy clothes, jewelry, furniture, nor art. Fortunately I have a gay friend to rely on in those instances.
antoinette maldari 1 week ago
Are you TOO straight not to have some likes and dislikes in what YOU wear or surround YOURSELF with? Or, are you TOO straight to not know what your PARTNER, the person you fell in love with, likes or dislikes?
Janissary35680 1 week ago (edited)
Don't trust us guys to buy jewelry unless we've got a pierced ear. A pierced ear means we know how to pick out jewelry. /s 😄
JB 1 week ago
Dude, it’s a fugly ring! She loved her guy to bits but there’s literally no getting passed how ugly that ring is.
Load More Replies... Java Addict 1 week ago
Oh my God, shut up. No one cares that you're a witch, stop clogging the comments with this garbage.
Load More Replies... JB 1 week ago
There’s no need to be like this. Yes, I know Crystal is 60, has two grown kids, one 20 the other 23 and she’s a white witch. She’s just commenting. Reaching out the way many of us do. If it hurts your brain to read her comments, then don’t! You have the super power to just scroll on by.
Lousha 1 week ago
I'm from a country where engagement rings traditionally don't exist (of course, nowadays all is fair, some people even celebrate Halloween now which has zero ties to our country...), proposals involve no ring whatsoever, taking the knee, any of that. The guy (again, traditionally) just asks you, and if you say yes, soon the two of you would go and choose your wedding bands, which are usually simple gold bands, no stones, nothing flashy. You are wearing those on one hand during engagement, then on the other after the wedding. Simple, no fuss, no speanding ridiculous money on diamonds and the like, and no competition about who has the largest/shiniest etc ring.
Lousha 1 week ago
It's also worth mentioning that lots of men (without wanting to generalize too much) really, truly can't "see" jewelry. They can look at your ring collection of a hundred rings with a very uniform style and all they'll see is a bunch of things that go on fingers. Even if they do their very-very best, they just won't be able to see the similarities and nuances. If I ever wanted to be married and an engagement ring to be part of the "deal" , I would make sure to tell the guy very early on that I don't ever want a surprise engagement ring. It just sets you both up to exatly this scenario, where everyone is hurt over nothing.
Load More Replies... Princess Possum 1 week ago
My late father was a wonderful dad and husband, but God bless him, he had the absolute worst taste in jewelry for my mom. Eventually my sister and I convinced him to let us pick it out, or for him to go to my mom's favorite jewelry store where they knew her well and could give him a couple of options to choose from. I'll never forget the Christmas with the thickest, gaudiest 1980s gold chain ever.
Ms.GB 1 week ago
They also don't usually wear rings before getting married. Some do I suppose but not having worn a ring OPs fiancee probably couldn't look at that ring and see what a pain in the butt it would be. Also like you said if you aren't into jewelry or don't wear it you aren't going to know about different materials or styles. If he wanted it to be a surprise he should've brought another woman in like a sister or OPs friend. That would've been a better idea than going in blind.
Ms.GB 1 week ago
I like that, I think OP would've been ok with that. I'm not picky and I don't think engagement rings should cost an arm and a leg but they should be able to last. Tbh I wouldn't want to wear a ring that large everyday, bands are a great option. I also like that this couple was able to have an honest conversation and come up with a solution. I'm sure they'll both look back and laugh about it someday.
Stannous Flouride 1 week ago
I am amused by how much the American version of Halloween has infected other countries. It's a mix of several disparate pagan festivals that were hijacked by Xians and relabeled as "All Hallows Eve." What we have is a fairly recent development here, mostly driven by commercial interests. I've been in several different countries where I've seen their take on it and my favorite is the Japanese. So, where are you from and how do your compatriots celebrate it?
Lousha 1 week ago
I'm Hungarian. Those celebrating here do an exact copy of what you see in American movies.
Stannous Flouride 1 week ago
Köszönöm. Budapest azóta is azon a helyek listáján szerepel, ahová szeretnék eljutni, amióta a középiskolában képviseltem Magyarországot az Egyesült Nemzetek Modelljén. 72 évesen attól tartok, nem lesz lehetőségem rá.
Crystalwitch60 1 week ago
As a white witch I hate Halloween in its form now it’s kids begging for sweets with menace so so wrong n yup it’s actually a Wiccan / pagan thing as you rightly said a night where the vile tween life n death is very very thin , We can talk to the other side , makes me laugh in a way that they burned us at the stake in Salem for being witches (even this I’m in uk I am a decendent of the Salem witches ) then they steal our all hallows eve talk about adding insult to injury !!
Stannous Flouride 1 week ago
Me too. And, btw- you can click on the 3 dots to the right of your name if you want to edit your comment and change the typo from 'vile' to 'veil.' By the Goddess Blessed Be.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 week ago (edited)
This was nearly a decade ago?! I would at least want an update! Edit, dear reader, 6 years ago she replied on a different post talking about “my husband” and saying she was soon to be a FTM, full time mum? So hopefully everything worked out well for them 🤞
emily_harvey116 1 week ago
STOP CENSORING non-swear words (or ALL words). If someone can't read the word "crappy" without being offended, they need to find a rock to crawl under.
Seedy Vine 1 week ago
If BP can't stop censoring us perhaps we could all go on a comment strike. Might look like fewer clicks and so forth to their advertisers, who they're censoring us for in the first place.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 1 week ago
LOL, you're both delusional. It's an AI program, not an actual person. And they don't care if you comment or not. That's ridiculous.
roddy 1 week ago
This looks like something a toddler would pick out or something you'd find in a cracker jack box. He even admits he went out of his way to get something unlike the rings she likes to wear. Because he finds them dull and boring. No thought to what she might like, given that she's the one who will have to wear it.
Lyone Fein 1 week ago
TBH, I have never understood why people waste so much money on engagement rings (and big weddings too) when they can use those thousands of dollars towards a down payment on a house. Or to start a college fund for their eventual children.
Joe Reaves 1 week ago
I saw this on reddit recently and the first comment totally summed it up. They said you read through the post and are sure you know what the ring is like and then you see the pic and are like ... woah, that's way worse. The setting makes it look like something off of one of those little stalls in malls designed to catch the eye of teenagers.
UKDeek 1 week ago
I think this is a perfect example of "know your audience", and that goes for both people. Some people have something specific in mind, some people want something flash and expensive, others want something less expensive but unique. If you intend to spend the rest of your life with someone, then you need to at least get to know a little bit about them, or is that an old fashioned way of thinking?
weatherwitch 1 week ago
Amber is full of insects and things and nothing says romance more than an engagement ring with an amber stone full of dead things 🙄😔 Now I have had an amber ring I've worn every day for over two decades without any issue. Washing up, sanding, painting, no issues so I've no experience of it being damaged or what the OP said. I Love Amber 🧡 This ring design however looks like one of those one quid mood rings. I cannot believe that someone took beautiful amber and created *that* from it. It's bad. I'm really glad it's been resolved for them Both, that was awful.
Daman dan 1 week ago (edited)
My wife's ring is a 3/4ct solitaire in a white gold, cathedral-style setting. I thought classic and elegant. She finds it bulky and says it's always catching on things and just not her style (she really isn't a diamond person). She stopped wearing it when our child was born to prevent hurting him. After that she wore it for a few years afterwards, then just stopped. In hindsight, it made for a nice romantic moment, but we should have just exchanged it for something she liked. It really isn't a big deal! FWIW, her uncle is a jewelsmith and we are planning to have him do something with it
MotherofGuineaPigs 1 week ago
My late husband gave me a cut glass engagement ring. I didn't care. Later he got me a ring with my favorite stone - dark red garnet. We weren't together for stuff (he had terminal cancer) we loved each other more than that. I wish more people were lucky like that.
Alro 1 week ago
Love doesn't come from the ring, that's a lot of problems for at best a piece of metal, at worst an socially imposed symbol. When traditions make people cry, maybe it's better to look at the tradition than the people
J. Maxx 1 week ago
By his reaction and what he said, he did put thought and feelings into choosing the ring. She could have done like my Mom and plenty of other mature women have done throughout time, picked out another ring down the road. No, instead she made him feel like s**t about it before the wedding. She's a s******d.
Peter Bear 1 week ago
Do you want to marry the man, or the ring? If you're really in love, then why does it matter if he proposed with a perfect ring, an ugly ring, or a cereal box prize? This man proposed, because he clearly loves this woman. His heart was in the right place even if his decision was poor. Yes, OK, fair; he didn't listen to her request. But to be this angry about it? It's just a thing. An object. An item. What it *represents* is the point.
Sarah Jan Kelly 1 week ago
Yes and it represents him not paying attention to what she might actually like wearing, and not taking the time to research whether the material he chose would hold up to regular wear. Buying something that will fall apart isn’t great symbolism.
Lyoness 1 week ago
My partner proposed with an antique ring they'd spent months looking for. It's filigreed with a small diamond, feminine and pretty, and I HATE it. It's not my style, it's nothing I'd have chosen, but you know what? I wear it every single day because I love them, I love what it means and I know it makes them happy. I have never and will never tell them I don't like it. Their feelings and our marriage are way more important than a piece of jewelry. She hates her gaudy ring? Fine, so go pick out your wedding bands together and when you get married, put the ugly heart ring on your other hand. It'll wear out in a few years, then you can buy what you like. Come on people, it's just jewelry.
Purple tiger 1 week ago
Call me old fashioned or just old. An engagement ring is a beautiful gift and I’d just wear it. I don’t care how ugly it is.
Sergio Bicerra 1 week ago
I agree with you that is a thoughtful gift and should be praised but seems op's fiancee (now husband) didn't thought it well. Overall, you can blame him of bad taste but not blame him for being a bad partner, just a dummy.
MC293856 1 week ago
Red flag dude!! Don't marry her!! She is a materialistic c**t. Get out now!!
Toggaph de Dratersi 1 week ago
I learned early on that unless you are a straight male Human you should never, ever, buy clothes, jewelry, furniture, nor art. Fortunately I have a gay friend to rely on in those instances.
antoinette maldari 1 week ago
Are you TOO straight not to have some likes and dislikes in what YOU wear or surround YOURSELF with? Or, are you TOO straight to not know what your PARTNER, the person you fell in love with, likes or dislikes?
Janissary35680 1 week ago (edited)
Don't trust us guys to buy jewelry unless we've got a pierced ear. A pierced ear means we know how to pick out jewelry. /s 😄
JB 1 week ago
Dude, it’s a fugly ring! She loved her guy to bits but there’s literally no getting passed how ugly that ring is.
Load More Replies... Java Addict 1 week ago
Oh my God, shut up. No one cares that you're a witch, stop clogging the comments with this garbage.
Load More Replies... JB 1 week ago
There’s no need to be like this. Yes, I know Crystal is 60, has two grown kids, one 20 the other 23 and she’s a white witch. She’s just commenting. Reaching out the way many of us do. If it hurts your brain to read her comments, then don’t! You have the super power to just scroll on by.
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