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27
Woman Starts Feeling Suspicious About Her BF And His Family, Finds Out She Was Right
Moving in together entails loads of fun, but there’s quite a bit of the less romantic stuff that needs to be taken care of, too, like chores, rent, and bills.
Ideally, all should be shared between partners—whether equally or in a way that works for both—but that’s not always the case. For this netizen, for instance, it was rent that wasn’t exactly shared. As a matter of fact, she was the only one paying, which she found out when she learned that her boyfriend was pocketing her rent money. Scroll down to find the full story below.
RELATED:
Talking about money might not be easy, but it’s important for the well-being of the relationship
Image credits: Dimaberlin / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This woman started questioning her relationship after she learned that the rent wasn’t shared equally, as she thought it was
Image credits: Impactphotography / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Most couples move in together after dating for six to eleven months
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
At a certain point in the relationship, the partners jumping from home to home to visit each other simply becomes too much of a hassle. At said point, half of their belongings are at their partner’s home anyway, so why not have it all in one place and move in together?
While it’s usually part of the natural progression of a relationship, moving in together is a step couples take at different stages. For some, a couple months of dating is enough. Others prefer to have their own space for a year or two, sometimes more, and there’s no right or wrong when it comes to this.
According to The Knot, one in every four couples moves in together before they hit the six-month milestone. Roughly a third do after spending six to eleven months together.
Talking about the perfect time for couples to move in together, dating and relationship expert Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, told The Knot that it ranges from couple to couple. “There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to the length of time a couple should be together before cohabitating,” she said. “Each relationship has a different momentum. So, for example, in three to six months, you may have couples who see each other multiple times per week and have already integrated one another into their lives, and for others, they may have only gone on a few dates.”
Before moving in together, it’s important to have a money talk with your partner
Image credits: karlyukav / freepik (not the actual photo)
Moving in together usually entails (or at least it should) not only unpacking at the new place but having an in-depth talk about the new arrangement, too. Who pays the rent? Is it shared? Who cooks? Who cleans? Who’s responsible for the groceries? There are many things that need to be discussed for the well-being of both the residents and their relationship.
Many of the things that require discussion involve money. After all, rent, bills, and groceries are not free. So it’s crucial to sit down and have a money conversation with your partner—ideally, on a regular basis, but definitely one before moving in together—as awkward as it might be.
A survey from 2025 found that the main reason some people find it difficult to talk about money with their partner is fear of getting into an argument. According to the data, such arguments usually arise over what the partners consider a “necessity” each month, how much money should be spent on “non-essentials,” and how much should be set aside for saving.
The aforementioned survey found that more than four in five respondents believe that having a similar philosophy about money to that of your partner is key for a healthy relationship. That’s likely one of the reasons why the OP said she was “an open book” and wished that she and her boyfriend were more open with each other about finances. For her, learning that her partner wasn’t paying rent and was pocketing her money was a blow not because of the money but because of the lack of honesty, which even made her reevaluate her entire relationship. Fellow netizens were seemingly split into camps over this; they shared their two cents in the comments.
Some netizens believed that the boyfriend was in the wrong for doing what he did
Others, however, didn’t see the problem in the situation
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What do you think ?
BrownEyedPanda 8 months ago
OP is getting screwed over by her bf and his family. She's working two jobs and literally paying for her deadbeat roommate's carefree lifestyle. This is better known as financial abuse, which will not get better with time, only worse. I hope she has the foresight to cut her losses and get out of this web. The longer she waits, the more difficult that mob will make it for OP to escape. Here's hoping she doesn't get babytrapped.
ॐBoyGanesh 8 months ago
While I don’t disagree with most of what you’ve said, she claims that $800 is dirt cheap for her area. What would she be paying if she up & left? In this case, it’s not financial abuse. She’s getting a deal. The issue is they weren’t forthcoming which is another way of being dishonest which means he’s not trustworthy or will always choose his father over his partner.
Load More Replies...
Trillian 8 months ago (edited)
Technically there is nothing wrong. The parents own the house. They are free to waive the rent for their son but not his gf. Also they are free to give him money to support him (although big side-eye since he is 30 years old already). And it makes no difference if she paid the father and he transferred it to his son or if she paid the bf directly. BUT ... the fact that he is okay with her working her butt off while he dawdles around gives me the ick. They have been a couple for 5 years and living together, not casually dating.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
It may be worse. She says that the parents are renting, but I'm trying to work out if it's just a little typo in the middle of relating the whole situation, and if the parents actually own the property, or if they're renting it from someone else.
Load More Replies...
Anyone-for-tea? 8 months ago
I don’t see how you could get over that and move forwards. The breach of trust is what feels icky to me. Fine your parents want to help you out, but don’t lie about it.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago (edited)
The dishonesty is one big issue. The second big issue is that she's unknowingly with not a normal decent fellow, but a leeching layabout who has free rent and 1 - either requires $800 "pocket money" per month and is happy for her to provide it or 2- (less likely) has built up savings of 5x12x$800 and hasn't told her or 3- is in such massive debt that 5x12x$800 still hasn't dug him out of it *and* he hasn't told her about it.
Fellfromthemoon 8 months ago
Downvote me, but the biggest issue in my opinion is the fact that BF lives on the back of his parents and roommate. When the parents will eventually get out of the picture (their pension will not be large enough to maintain one and a half household, or even worse,) the roommate is going to be expected to step up. Witholding this information from the roommate (OP) is the meanest part of the story. By pretending that BF pays his share of the rent and lives on his salary, he deceived OP about his financial situation and goals. As everybody always mentions, agreement on the financial basis is one of the most important foundations of a committed relationship.
lenka 8 months ago
Dishonesty is the first issue. The second is that the loser of boyfriend is happy to watch his girlfriend of 5 years work two jobs to support herself and pay of HIS credit card debt, while he gets handouts from mummy and daddy. If this is the inequality he considers appropriate at the beginning of their relationship, imagine how horrendous her life would be if they have kids.
Sarah Belt 8 months ago
I always find these situations a little grey and weird. My instincts say that if the parents & bf truly thought there was nothing wrong this with arrangement, they would have not kept it hidden. I've been in a similar situation with platonic roommates, but since I still received the services I was paying for, I just moved on, literally and figuratively. The lack of communication does not bode well for OP's relationship, though.
Paul C 8 months ago
I think the key information is that the parents told their son to keep it between them. They knew it was morally dodgy (to say the least), so didn't want anyone to know, especially the girlfriend, who is funding her boyfriend's savings. In a relationship you can't have secrets like that.
ToGo 8 months ago
I think too many people are missing the point. As it stands it's BF + parents vs OP. BF and OP should be the team. She's been left in the dark, she's thinking her partner is in a different financial place than he actually is (ie being looked after by his parents) and it leaves her on unsteady footing considering, sadly, how important finances are. Last, but definitely not least, she's been lied to.
Tabitha 8 months ago
First and foremost it IS HER MONEY she’s working a full time job plus apart time job to make and paying in rent, ffs! So yeah, she has every right to know what’s being done with it, and every right to be angry when she’s being scammed. If daddy wanted to give sonny $800 a month, he could’ve credited the rent amount by $800 instead, so each of their split is only $400, and NOT charge her $800 then daddy just hands HER cash right to sonny boy. Time for her to call her own family to let them know she’s getting TF OUT of there, and needs to lawyer up to get back all the rent money she was scammed out of.
Gwyn 8 months ago (edited)
If there was morning wrong with the arrangement then why did they hide it from her? They know it's not right even if it's technically their right to do it this way. The boyfriend could have offered to pay half and save her $400 if he really saw her as an equal partner. I would question whether the parents are really involved in this or if they told him they won't charge rent and he just kept taking her money for himself. Either way this guy is not marriage material and shows just how little he cares about her. Time to go!
Ai 8 months ago
If dad would really wanted to support his son - financially and in his relationship he would gather rent as always from both of them, set it aside and give it to them in the future, eg. as a wedding gift or if they decide to buy a house together. The way he chooses to do it at the momen he just ensures his son is spoiled and teaches him how not to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
DC 8 months ago
So ... if he had told her, right at the beginning of this arrangement with his Dad, there wouldn't be a problem. Maybe she'd have demanded to split the saving? She'd be entitled to do so, at the very least. But, she could have agreed to the way things were handled, too - which wouldn't be better, but much worse below te better-looking surface, as she would, with being ok with this and stating to be so, have invited them to further abuse her. But, even if we consider it all ok and justified, even then, he still hid this from her, deliberately took away a chance to choose where she'd have had every right to refuse. There's no openness and no honesty in this relationship, and any grounds to build trust upon have been shattered. Leave them. You can't leave HIM, it's always THEM. But, FFS, leave!
tori Ohno 8 months ago (edited)
If his daddy is paying the rent, she doesn't owe 800 a month, and neither does he. He can just use his 800 a month to pay off his debt. But instead, he keeps his 800 and pockets her 800 as well, and daddy is still paying all of the rent. He's basically stealing 800 a month from her Why didn't the dummy dump him? These people are cons and thieves. Birds of a feather my girl. Get out before everyone thinks you're a crook too.
Scusa 8 months ago
If you were in an equal partnership you would be aware of this situation. The $800 per month would be in an account the parents set up for the two of you for a down payment on a house or a myriad of other things. You have been together for 5 years and clearly, his parents take no mind if you. It’s pretty simple - this will never change. Every single day you stay with this man, is a day you are not finding the one who will cherish you. Be Brave.
Ann Tiques 8 months ago
Are we sure the parents didn’t say the couple could live there rent free and then the boyfriend lied and charged her?
Ann Tiques 8 months ago
Sounds a little like code for “Don’t ask my dad about this.”
Load More Replies...
Nizumi 8 months ago
Nope - that big a lie and how him and both his parents were the perpetrators of it and kept it hidden for so long - all deal breakers. OP has said paying $800 rent isn't the issue. The issue is the LIE. A decent partner says, "Thank mom and dad. Hey Partner - my parents are covering my share of the rent, so now we only have to pay $800 instead of $1600. Sweet!" And proceed to pay $400 each. THAT's a partnership.
zxj7rfyqqw 8 months ago
It’s not about the money, it’s about the dishonesty. That family and your boyfriend don’t see you as a ‘partner’ or an equal. I’d be leaving. Because what else is he going to do and then cover up? I wouldn’t trust him and therefore could not be with him.
Darthest Starfish 8 months ago
This is a somewhat similar situation that my sister is in, who is currently getting divorced. Her soon to be ex's dad owns the home they rent, for well below market value. She was upset that he gets to stay in the house post separation, since she has always been a SAHM. But this isn't their property, and they don't actually have a rental agreement or lease. I had to explain to her that no judge in America has the authority to force her soon to be ex FIL to rent her this place for way below reasonable value. She is paying rent to her BFs dad, what and how he spends that money on is truly none of her business. She is free to leave and pay higher rent elsewhere and not remain in the relationship. It's truly as simple as that.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
I agree it's similar in the pragmatic details of the financial arrangement. The key difference the details have been significantly misrepresented to the OP, who then was unable to make fully informed decisions.
Load More Replies...
Orysha 8 months ago
Thats theft. Op should run, sue them and burn the ranch with those Pos inside.
RiceRiceBaby 929 8 months ago
30 years old and still receiving hand outs from mommy and daddy. He won't change because he is a LOSER!
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Two options here - suck it up as you will be paying rent regardless of where you live; leave and pay rent to an honest landlord.
Donna Peluda 8 months ago
I remember the exact opposite of this a while back on BP. Girl profiting from BF and not telling him and the comments where opposite.
ॐBoyGanesh 8 months ago
EXACTLY!!! I was just searching for that post. Everyone said since she owned the house they lived in (inherited from grandmother) he was responsible for contributing cost for his housing & she was entitled to not disclose the outright ownership. Likewise, she was charging him below market value as is with this post. I firmly believe in taking care of each other financially so paying what one can afford and given OP of this post said it was “dirt cheap” she’s really getting a deal. The issue is non-disclosure & maybe a 30yo having parents pay his way.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 8 months ago
I’m definitely an outlier here, but when I let my bf at the time (22 years ago; husband now) move in, I told him up front what rent would be for him. In San Francisco, where it’s expensive, he paid $2200 for an efficiency studio. I was charging him half my monthly cost (insurance, maintenance, etc. & yearly tax ~$30K) of $1850 to share a 5-bed/4-bath with me. He knew I owned. He didn’t know if I had a mortgage or not. It was none of his business. When he started med school, I didn’t charge him a cent for anything. When we married, we acquired joint property. I became a part time SAHD so he paid 80% expenses. Until we merged, his *personal* finances were none of my business nor mine his. OP would have been paying much more had she not had the opportunity provided by the father. Not saying they didn’t withhold info nor that it’s OK for a 30yo to live off daddy, but this stitch is a good thing for her and, apparently, him. Address the not disclosing, not the sweet arrangement.
Janelle Collard 7 months ago
OP's paying $800 per month to date her boyfriend. Nah! Time to bail out of that relationship.
Jaya 8 months ago (edited)
It's just a way for his parents to gift him money without having to deal with taxes. If her rent is transferred to them and they transfer money to him as a gift, they probably have to pay taxes over the rent, and he might even have to pay taxes over the money they gift him. This is just a construction (that may or may not be legal) to evade tax. So the only thing the boyfriend didn't do, is tell her his parents gift him a lot of money and that he isn't sharing it with her.
BrownEyedPanda 8 months ago
OP is getting screwed over by her bf and his family. She's working two jobs and literally paying for her deadbeat roommate's carefree lifestyle. This is better known as financial abuse, which will not get better with time, only worse. I hope she has the foresight to cut her losses and get out of this web. The longer she waits, the more difficult that mob will make it for OP to escape. Here's hoping she doesn't get babytrapped.
ॐBoyGanesh 8 months ago
While I don’t disagree with most of what you’ve said, she claims that $800 is dirt cheap for her area. What would she be paying if she up & left? In this case, it’s not financial abuse. She’s getting a deal. The issue is they weren’t forthcoming which is another way of being dishonest which means he’s not trustworthy or will always choose his father over his partner.
Load More Replies... Trillian 8 months ago (edited)
Technically there is nothing wrong. The parents own the house. They are free to waive the rent for their son but not his gf. Also they are free to give him money to support him (although big side-eye since he is 30 years old already). And it makes no difference if she paid the father and he transferred it to his son or if she paid the bf directly. BUT ... the fact that he is okay with her working her butt off while he dawdles around gives me the ick. They have been a couple for 5 years and living together, not casually dating.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
It may be worse. She says that the parents are renting, but I'm trying to work out if it's just a little typo in the middle of relating the whole situation, and if the parents actually own the property, or if they're renting it from someone else.
Load More Replies... Anyone-for-tea? 8 months ago
I don’t see how you could get over that and move forwards. The breach of trust is what feels icky to me. Fine your parents want to help you out, but don’t lie about it.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago (edited)
The dishonesty is one big issue. The second big issue is that she's unknowingly with not a normal decent fellow, but a leeching layabout who has free rent and 1 - either requires $800 "pocket money" per month and is happy for her to provide it or 2- (less likely) has built up savings of 5x12x$800 and hasn't told her or 3- is in such massive debt that 5x12x$800 still hasn't dug him out of it *and* he hasn't told her about it.
Fellfromthemoon 8 months ago
Downvote me, but the biggest issue in my opinion is the fact that BF lives on the back of his parents and roommate. When the parents will eventually get out of the picture (their pension will not be large enough to maintain one and a half household, or even worse,) the roommate is going to be expected to step up. Witholding this information from the roommate (OP) is the meanest part of the story. By pretending that BF pays his share of the rent and lives on his salary, he deceived OP about his financial situation and goals. As everybody always mentions, agreement on the financial basis is one of the most important foundations of a committed relationship.
lenka 8 months ago
Dishonesty is the first issue. The second is that the loser of boyfriend is happy to watch his girlfriend of 5 years work two jobs to support herself and pay of HIS credit card debt, while he gets handouts from mummy and daddy. If this is the inequality he considers appropriate at the beginning of their relationship, imagine how horrendous her life would be if they have kids.
Sarah Belt 8 months ago
I always find these situations a little grey and weird. My instincts say that if the parents & bf truly thought there was nothing wrong this with arrangement, they would have not kept it hidden. I've been in a similar situation with platonic roommates, but since I still received the services I was paying for, I just moved on, literally and figuratively. The lack of communication does not bode well for OP's relationship, though.
Paul C 8 months ago
I think the key information is that the parents told their son to keep it between them. They knew it was morally dodgy (to say the least), so didn't want anyone to know, especially the girlfriend, who is funding her boyfriend's savings. In a relationship you can't have secrets like that.
ToGo 8 months ago
I think too many people are missing the point. As it stands it's BF + parents vs OP. BF and OP should be the team. She's been left in the dark, she's thinking her partner is in a different financial place than he actually is (ie being looked after by his parents) and it leaves her on unsteady footing considering, sadly, how important finances are. Last, but definitely not least, she's been lied to.
Tabitha 8 months ago
First and foremost it IS HER MONEY she’s working a full time job plus apart time job to make and paying in rent, ffs! So yeah, she has every right to know what’s being done with it, and every right to be angry when she’s being scammed. If daddy wanted to give sonny $800 a month, he could’ve credited the rent amount by $800 instead, so each of their split is only $400, and NOT charge her $800 then daddy just hands HER cash right to sonny boy. Time for her to call her own family to let them know she’s getting TF OUT of there, and needs to lawyer up to get back all the rent money she was scammed out of.
Gwyn 8 months ago (edited)
If there was morning wrong with the arrangement then why did they hide it from her? They know it's not right even if it's technically their right to do it this way. The boyfriend could have offered to pay half and save her $400 if he really saw her as an equal partner. I would question whether the parents are really involved in this or if they told him they won't charge rent and he just kept taking her money for himself. Either way this guy is not marriage material and shows just how little he cares about her. Time to go!
Ai 8 months ago
If dad would really wanted to support his son - financially and in his relationship he would gather rent as always from both of them, set it aside and give it to them in the future, eg. as a wedding gift or if they decide to buy a house together. The way he chooses to do it at the momen he just ensures his son is spoiled and teaches him how not to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
DC 8 months ago
So ... if he had told her, right at the beginning of this arrangement with his Dad, there wouldn't be a problem. Maybe she'd have demanded to split the saving? She'd be entitled to do so, at the very least. But, she could have agreed to the way things were handled, too - which wouldn't be better, but much worse below te better-looking surface, as she would, with being ok with this and stating to be so, have invited them to further abuse her. But, even if we consider it all ok and justified, even then, he still hid this from her, deliberately took away a chance to choose where she'd have had every right to refuse. There's no openness and no honesty in this relationship, and any grounds to build trust upon have been shattered. Leave them. You can't leave HIM, it's always THEM. But, FFS, leave!
tori Ohno 8 months ago (edited)
If his daddy is paying the rent, she doesn't owe 800 a month, and neither does he. He can just use his 800 a month to pay off his debt. But instead, he keeps his 800 and pockets her 800 as well, and daddy is still paying all of the rent. He's basically stealing 800 a month from her Why didn't the dummy dump him? These people are cons and thieves. Birds of a feather my girl. Get out before everyone thinks you're a crook too.
Scusa 8 months ago
If you were in an equal partnership you would be aware of this situation. The $800 per month would be in an account the parents set up for the two of you for a down payment on a house or a myriad of other things. You have been together for 5 years and clearly, his parents take no mind if you. It’s pretty simple - this will never change. Every single day you stay with this man, is a day you are not finding the one who will cherish you. Be Brave.
Ann Tiques 8 months ago
Are we sure the parents didn’t say the couple could live there rent free and then the boyfriend lied and charged her?
Ann Tiques 8 months ago
Sounds a little like code for “Don’t ask my dad about this.”
Load More Replies... Nizumi 8 months ago
Nope - that big a lie and how him and both his parents were the perpetrators of it and kept it hidden for so long - all deal breakers. OP has said paying $800 rent isn't the issue. The issue is the LIE. A decent partner says, "Thank mom and dad. Hey Partner - my parents are covering my share of the rent, so now we only have to pay $800 instead of $1600. Sweet!" And proceed to pay $400 each. THAT's a partnership.
zxj7rfyqqw 8 months ago
It’s not about the money, it’s about the dishonesty. That family and your boyfriend don’t see you as a ‘partner’ or an equal. I’d be leaving. Because what else is he going to do and then cover up? I wouldn’t trust him and therefore could not be with him.
Darthest Starfish 8 months ago
This is a somewhat similar situation that my sister is in, who is currently getting divorced. Her soon to be ex's dad owns the home they rent, for well below market value. She was upset that he gets to stay in the house post separation, since she has always been a SAHM. But this isn't their property, and they don't actually have a rental agreement or lease. I had to explain to her that no judge in America has the authority to force her soon to be ex FIL to rent her this place for way below reasonable value. She is paying rent to her BFs dad, what and how he spends that money on is truly none of her business. She is free to leave and pay higher rent elsewhere and not remain in the relationship. It's truly as simple as that.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
I agree it's similar in the pragmatic details of the financial arrangement. The key difference the details have been significantly misrepresented to the OP, who then was unable to make fully informed decisions.
Load More Replies... Orysha 8 months ago
Thats theft. Op should run, sue them and burn the ranch with those Pos inside.
RiceRiceBaby 929 8 months ago
30 years old and still receiving hand outs from mommy and daddy. He won't change because he is a LOSER!
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Two options here - suck it up as you will be paying rent regardless of where you live; leave and pay rent to an honest landlord.
Donna Peluda 8 months ago
I remember the exact opposite of this a while back on BP. Girl profiting from BF and not telling him and the comments where opposite.
ॐBoyGanesh 8 months ago
EXACTLY!!! I was just searching for that post. Everyone said since she owned the house they lived in (inherited from grandmother) he was responsible for contributing cost for his housing & she was entitled to not disclose the outright ownership. Likewise, she was charging him below market value as is with this post. I firmly believe in taking care of each other financially so paying what one can afford and given OP of this post said it was “dirt cheap” she’s really getting a deal. The issue is non-disclosure & maybe a 30yo having parents pay his way.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 8 months ago
I’m definitely an outlier here, but when I let my bf at the time (22 years ago; husband now) move in, I told him up front what rent would be for him. In San Francisco, where it’s expensive, he paid $2200 for an efficiency studio. I was charging him half my monthly cost (insurance, maintenance, etc. & yearly tax ~$30K) of $1850 to share a 5-bed/4-bath with me. He knew I owned. He didn’t know if I had a mortgage or not. It was none of his business. When he started med school, I didn’t charge him a cent for anything. When we married, we acquired joint property. I became a part time SAHD so he paid 80% expenses. Until we merged, his *personal* finances were none of my business nor mine his. OP would have been paying much more had she not had the opportunity provided by the father. Not saying they didn’t withhold info nor that it’s OK for a 30yo to live off daddy, but this stitch is a good thing for her and, apparently, him. Address the not disclosing, not the sweet arrangement.
Janelle Collard 7 months ago
OP's paying $800 per month to date her boyfriend. Nah! Time to bail out of that relationship.
Jaya 8 months ago (edited)
It's just a way for his parents to gift him money without having to deal with taxes. If her rent is transferred to them and they transfer money to him as a gift, they probably have to pay taxes over the rent, and he might even have to pay taxes over the money they gift him. This is just a construction (that may or may not be legal) to evade tax. So the only thing the boyfriend didn't do, is tell her his parents gift him a lot of money and that he isn't sharing it with her.
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