Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
95
Woman Gets Pushed Out Of Friend Group, Left Speechless When Wedding Invite Arrives
Interview With ExpertBreaking up with a friend can be just as painful as ending a relationship with a partner. Sometimes even more so. And the healing process doesn’t happen overnight. When you lose a bunch of besties at the same time, the shock and sadness can be overwhelming.
A woman has shared how she got booted from her girls’ group, thanks to the mean “ring leader.” To make matters worse, the woman’s BFF didn’t stand up for her. But instead, proceeded to exclude her from birthday celebrations and get-togethers to avoid any awkwardness. The woman was completely taken aback when she recently received a wedding invitation from the same ex-friend that previously wanted nothing to do with her. She’s not quite sure what to do and has turned to the internet for advice. Bored Panda reached out to etiquette expert and author Rosalinda Randall for her take on the matter.
RELATED:
Receiving an invitation to a wedding is usually something to celebrate
Image credits: micheile henderson (not the actual image)
But when it comes from someone you’re no longer on speaking terms with, things can get weird
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: garetsvisual (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)
Image credits: Thr0wwitallaway
Why the woman should RSVP to the wedding, according to an expert
Avoiding to RSVP will only make you crazy, says Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall when we tell her about the woman’s predicament. She adds that it’s natural for her wonder why she and her boyfriends were invited to Kat’s wedding. “If you can’t accept it as a possible apology or a peace offering, then ask her,” suggested Randall.
“Hearsay about you being a bridesmaid is just that,” cautions Randall. “That friend should have kept it to herself for several reasons… She could have misheard. Kat could have been joking or casually tossing out names. Kat could change her mind about asking you. She took away Kat’s moment to make amends with you.”
Randall tells us that it’s inconsiderate not to RSVP, especially to an event where a body count is required. “As you decide which box to check, think about Kat and her day, not how awkward it’ll be for you,” she said. “Do you want to be there for her?”
She says if the woman does decide to attend, she should invite Kat for lunch or coffee ahead of the big day. This will help to avoid any possible awkwardness at the wedding. “You can express how surprised and happy you were to receive the invitation,” she added. “Then let her respond. The conversation could lead to releasing resentment and healing wounds.”
However, Randall says if the get-together doesn’t feel genuine. Or Kat’s responses are dismissive when it comes to what happened between the friends, the woman will instinctively know which box to check on the RSVP. “Send a nice card,” suggests Randall.
The Etiquette Expert says it can be weird to send a wedding invite to someone you haven’t spoken to in ages. She believes you should always ask yourself a few questions before doing this… Is this your way of extending a sign of friendship? Is it your way of apologizing or expressing regret for what happened? Is she just another gift-giver? Are you too nervous to make the first move?
“Prior to sending the invitation, Kat could have found a way to contact her to share the news about the wedding,” Randall told to Bored Panda. “Expressing how sorry she was about what happened between them but would like to have her present at the wedding.”
People shared their views in the comments, with some going as far as telling her to throw the invite in the trash
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Nils Skirnir 8 months ago
Are these people nine years old? Wtf celebrates bdays 3 times in a year. Jeez. Don’t go to f-ing wedding and get decent friends
BlackestDawn 8 months ago
I could understand celebrating twice (especially if it's a major milestones), once for immediate family and second mainly for extended family and/or friends. Three times I see no good reason for.
Load More Replies...
Lisa T 8 months ago
Sometimes things happen in life and you realise your best friend doesn’t value the relationship as much as you do. They do something hurtful and you part ways. Then over time you miss them so much you decide to forgive them and reconnect. You might reconnect, but I’ll tell you now - that friendship will NEVER be what it once was. You will be excited to meet up in person but once you do that, you’ll realise that it’s awkward and deep down there’s still resentment and hurt.
Ashlie Benson 8 months ago
I'd like to note, she did the same thing to her so called closest friend. She didn't invite her to parties because she wanted to avoid drama.
Load More Replies...
Royal Stray 7 months ago
Or maybe the friend got tired of the group after finally realizing that they were rude to her future husband, or that it was being lead by a wannabe high-school mean girl who refused to dumb her ab*sive and disgusting bf who has been s*xually harassing other girls in the group. It's not OP's responsibility to be the one to forgive. But idk I kinda get if OP didn't want to suggest inviting any of her friends to the parties her bf threw I can kind of see why the person who was apparently her best friend would feel a bit petty and not invite her either to "avoid the drama" same reason OP had for not inviting her.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 8 months ago
I got a phone call from a female college friend whom I'd lost contact with after graduation even though we lived in the same city. She said she was getting married the next weekend and I could come "if I wanted to". It was, I discovered, a huge fancy wedding, the kind where the invitations went out months before. So why was I being given a completely unenthusiastic invitation at the last moment? I said I wasn't sure I could make it, and she was so pleased at hearing it that I said "Oh, wait - yes I'm free next weekend. See you there." She was not thrilled. When I arrived at the wedding, I quickly found out why I was invited. The bride's college roommate was coming into town to attend but knew no one at the wedding. I was invited, at the friend's request, to have someone she knew to talk to at the reception. The bride was furious to see me, but the friend and I didn't care much about that. We left the reception right after the dinner and had a quite pleasant evening together
Wang Zhuang 8 months ago
You would think Kat would have reached out to OP and spoke to her personally if she really wants her to be a bridesmaid
Kate Johnson 8 months ago
I'm sure the invite wasn't sent registered mail, so there's no way for her to know if you received it. I'd just file 13 it
Barry Reinitz 8 months ago
I had an ex friend from 30 yrs ago who betrayed me and caused me hurt email me like we had talked yesterday saying hi and i should call to catch up. I replied why would i ever want to catch up with you? Sent and blocked
WonderWoman 8 months ago (edited)
As the saying goes: With friends like these who needs enemies. What is wrong with OP that she is even contemplating going to the wedding of this witch? Does she really think that any of them have changed? Are people that desperate for friends they subject themselves to the abuse of others? D**n, being alone is better than dealing with a*****e people.
Mad McQueen 8 months ago
The only reason you are invited is to give a gift. That’s all she wants. She’s not gonna block any drama or have you be part of the wedding party. She wants you and your bf to show up an eat a s**t meal an give her money. That’s it. Keep them blocked.
marcelo D. 8 months ago
not only a gift. she was made a bridemaid, because that implies free labor. Something would have happened and she would end up being kicked out of the wedding days before it, after she did her work and payed whatever the bride demanded
Load More Replies...
sweet emotion 8 months ago
OP needs to move forward, make friends with adults, and learn to be an adult friend to them as well. The immature fair-weather friends of her past have already shown that they don't value her. Just check the "will not attend" on the reply card and put the past where it belongs.
Charles McChristy 8 months ago
Seriously, if they couldn't even bother to get your name right on the invite you have your answer.
Ruth Watry 8 months ago
Since she misspelled her name, I would send the invite back and say (misspelled name) does not live at this address.
Rosalinda Oropeza Randall 8 months ago
Sometimes, it's time to let certain relationships go. As @sweetemotion stated, perhaps it's time for more "adult" [mature] relationships. Wish them well and wave bye-bye.
Mel in Georgia 8 months ago
A good friend moved to a different town and became involved in a friend group like this, which was super fun at first but it turned into a nightmare. The toxic "leader" decided to turn every member of the group into against my friend over a minor incident and she was effectively blackballed. It devastated her. Then some members of that group realized how toxic the leader was and eventually rallied behind my friend. She felt vindicated and I was so happy for her. Kinda related? I hope friends of our toxic leader in the U.S. finally realize how effed up all of this is and stand up and rally against him in support of his victims.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
They made their beds !, game over I like the bad mood option one suggested , return to sender end off ligit nothing lol ie the reply starts in f n ends in f ! Your group for what ever reason turned toxic n life lovely is way to short for s**t like that I,m 60 , n I now keep myself to myself ,I can’t handle toxic c**p like your ex mates were , you tried they dumped you , so this invite to me is like wtf NO !! you can be polite n rsvp no ! n keep em all blocked move on it makes a polite point or again you can do a return to sender ll Same result but you are better than them x blessed be
Barry Reinitz 8 months ago
She excluded tbem and no matter the reason they didnt do anything she didnt do. If they all hated the bf at least one of them should have been on her side. I dont think she is being honest with herself. Saying she was justified but they werent smacks of hubris
Motivated sloth 8 months ago
I was on her side completely until I read one of her comments. She seems completely unwilling to acknowledge any awkwardness she has caused. Very self righteous. Maybe they should have included more about the boyfriends parties so her excuse makes more sense but in the end, she excluded everyone first.
Trent Wisler 8 months ago
Seems hypocritical of OP to not invite her friends to her parties because it would cause drama with Elle. Then she gets upset for the friend leaving her out to avoid drama with Elle. OP made their choice they Blocked their friend. Doing that meant she didn’t want to hear any explanation or apology. However, if she truly never wanted to hear from the friend again, she would have torn up the invite without opening it.
Renegade 8 months ago
They weren't here parties. They were her new boyfriend's parties.
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 8 months ago
Are these people nine years old? Wtf celebrates bdays 3 times in a year. Jeez. Don’t go to f-ing wedding and get decent friends
BlackestDawn 8 months ago
I could understand celebrating twice (especially if it's a major milestones), once for immediate family and second mainly for extended family and/or friends. Three times I see no good reason for.
Load More Replies... Lisa T 8 months ago
Sometimes things happen in life and you realise your best friend doesn’t value the relationship as much as you do. They do something hurtful and you part ways. Then over time you miss them so much you decide to forgive them and reconnect. You might reconnect, but I’ll tell you now - that friendship will NEVER be what it once was. You will be excited to meet up in person but once you do that, you’ll realise that it’s awkward and deep down there’s still resentment and hurt.
Ashlie Benson 8 months ago
I'd like to note, she did the same thing to her so called closest friend. She didn't invite her to parties because she wanted to avoid drama.
Load More Replies... Royal Stray 7 months ago
Or maybe the friend got tired of the group after finally realizing that they were rude to her future husband, or that it was being lead by a wannabe high-school mean girl who refused to dumb her ab*sive and disgusting bf who has been s*xually harassing other girls in the group. It's not OP's responsibility to be the one to forgive. But idk I kinda get if OP didn't want to suggest inviting any of her friends to the parties her bf threw I can kind of see why the person who was apparently her best friend would feel a bit petty and not invite her either to "avoid the drama" same reason OP had for not inviting her.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 8 months ago
I got a phone call from a female college friend whom I'd lost contact with after graduation even though we lived in the same city. She said she was getting married the next weekend and I could come "if I wanted to". It was, I discovered, a huge fancy wedding, the kind where the invitations went out months before. So why was I being given a completely unenthusiastic invitation at the last moment? I said I wasn't sure I could make it, and she was so pleased at hearing it that I said "Oh, wait - yes I'm free next weekend. See you there." She was not thrilled. When I arrived at the wedding, I quickly found out why I was invited. The bride's college roommate was coming into town to attend but knew no one at the wedding. I was invited, at the friend's request, to have someone she knew to talk to at the reception. The bride was furious to see me, but the friend and I didn't care much about that. We left the reception right after the dinner and had a quite pleasant evening together
Wang Zhuang 8 months ago
You would think Kat would have reached out to OP and spoke to her personally if she really wants her to be a bridesmaid
Kate Johnson 8 months ago
I'm sure the invite wasn't sent registered mail, so there's no way for her to know if you received it. I'd just file 13 it
Barry Reinitz 8 months ago
I had an ex friend from 30 yrs ago who betrayed me and caused me hurt email me like we had talked yesterday saying hi and i should call to catch up. I replied why would i ever want to catch up with you? Sent and blocked
WonderWoman 8 months ago (edited)
As the saying goes: With friends like these who needs enemies. What is wrong with OP that she is even contemplating going to the wedding of this witch? Does she really think that any of them have changed? Are people that desperate for friends they subject themselves to the abuse of others? D**n, being alone is better than dealing with a*****e people.
Mad McQueen 8 months ago
The only reason you are invited is to give a gift. That’s all she wants. She’s not gonna block any drama or have you be part of the wedding party. She wants you and your bf to show up an eat a s**t meal an give her money. That’s it. Keep them blocked.
marcelo D. 8 months ago
not only a gift. she was made a bridemaid, because that implies free labor. Something would have happened and she would end up being kicked out of the wedding days before it, after she did her work and payed whatever the bride demanded
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 8 months ago
OP needs to move forward, make friends with adults, and learn to be an adult friend to them as well. The immature fair-weather friends of her past have already shown that they don't value her. Just check the "will not attend" on the reply card and put the past where it belongs.
Charles McChristy 8 months ago
Seriously, if they couldn't even bother to get your name right on the invite you have your answer.
Ruth Watry 8 months ago
Since she misspelled her name, I would send the invite back and say (misspelled name) does not live at this address.
Rosalinda Oropeza Randall 8 months ago
Sometimes, it's time to let certain relationships go. As @sweetemotion stated, perhaps it's time for more "adult" [mature] relationships. Wish them well and wave bye-bye.
Mel in Georgia 8 months ago
A good friend moved to a different town and became involved in a friend group like this, which was super fun at first but it turned into a nightmare. The toxic "leader" decided to turn every member of the group into against my friend over a minor incident and she was effectively blackballed. It devastated her. Then some members of that group realized how toxic the leader was and eventually rallied behind my friend. She felt vindicated and I was so happy for her. Kinda related? I hope friends of our toxic leader in the U.S. finally realize how effed up all of this is and stand up and rally against him in support of his victims.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
They made their beds !, game over I like the bad mood option one suggested , return to sender end off ligit nothing lol ie the reply starts in f n ends in f ! Your group for what ever reason turned toxic n life lovely is way to short for s**t like that I,m 60 , n I now keep myself to myself ,I can’t handle toxic c**p like your ex mates were , you tried they dumped you , so this invite to me is like wtf NO !! you can be polite n rsvp no ! n keep em all blocked move on it makes a polite point or again you can do a return to sender ll Same result but you are better than them x blessed be
Barry Reinitz 8 months ago
She excluded tbem and no matter the reason they didnt do anything she didnt do. If they all hated the bf at least one of them should have been on her side. I dont think she is being honest with herself. Saying she was justified but they werent smacks of hubris
Motivated sloth 8 months ago
I was on her side completely until I read one of her comments. She seems completely unwilling to acknowledge any awkwardness she has caused. Very self righteous. Maybe they should have included more about the boyfriends parties so her excuse makes more sense but in the end, she excluded everyone first.
Trent Wisler 8 months ago
Seems hypocritical of OP to not invite her friends to her parties because it would cause drama with Elle. Then she gets upset for the friend leaving her out to avoid drama with Elle. OP made their choice they Blocked their friend. Doing that meant she didn’t want to hear any explanation or apology. However, if she truly never wanted to hear from the friend again, she would have torn up the invite without opening it.
Renegade 8 months ago
They weren't here parties. They were her new boyfriend's parties.
Load More Replies... You May Like People Share The Moments When They Realized Their Friend Is Not Their Friend Anymore Racist Lady Has Her Eyes On Friend's Unborn Baby, Throws A Hissy Fit As He Asks Sis To Adopt It In-Laws Make Bride Sign Prenup To ‘Protect Son,’ Life Plays Uno Reverse As She's The Rich One
Justinas Keturka
Monika Pašukonytė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Related on Bored Panda
34
41