It's concerning that SIL doesn't want ANYBODY enjoying OP's heart-felt lunches. Seems pretty controlling. I don't know how cool I'd be about someone like that watching my kid.

I don't think the sister-in-law really understands what the term bourgeoisie actually means. I'd say if you're going to be that unreasonable and ungrateful, time to cut you off free lunches altogether but, if you're getting free childcare out of the deal, maybe just suck it up. Find a way more obvious method to extraordinarily clearly Mark which package is for her so there's no mix-up, and just make hers super simple. There's more going on here than offense taken at a seaweed shaped heart on top of your lunch.

Why is everybody focused on lunches instead on SIL? She is a low-income woman with an injury who managed to get a job despite of it. She probably can't afford to lose her job which makes her a perfect target for bullying and that's most likely what's going on. She's just trying to avoid bullies at work.

Why tf are people staring at her lunch? If she has a problem with it, why doesn't she look at it and fix it herself? This seems like the least problematic problem one could have.

I want these lunches!

I showed my husband this post and now calling each other's food 'bourgeois' has become our new inside joke

I don't think she should even bother making lunch for the SIL. But if she continues, I would go even more over the top. Get those wind-up butterflies that fly up when you open the box, or one of those springy snakes that jumps out. If she gets mad again, the next lunch comes with a glitter bomb!

I am glad that the OP is considering her SIL's other behaviors. Whatever is going on, it is worth checking out. There's something wrong at work that her lunches are an issue. Hope she can find out what's going on with good conversation.

Do not bring her any more food. Let her eat her junk food or whatever she thinks is not "bourgeois"

I can't imagine whining about free food because it looks too fancy.

I think you are missing the issue here. Your SIL noted fellow workers are giving her a problem re fancy lunches. This is a hostile work environment. SIL is being bullied & ridiculed at the very least. Work place culture is tricky especially when there are a bunch of queen bees who mgt won't reign in. It sounds like it is a petty vicious place to work. HR/mgt have not intervened so far so unless there is a lawsuit for abuse/lack of protection for a disabled person (your SIL's diminished capacity as a wage earner due to injury)....it won't change. Her self esteem is certainly impacted by your notes here. Help her get another job & report abuse to HR/mgt. Get an attorney involved. Support her. This really isn't about you. Your SIL is desperately trying to survive in a bad work environment w/little to no options. She isn't handling it well. She hasn't thought of rearranging your food or taking something else for lunch/eating yours for dinner. That's how beaten down she is.

Yehhh noo my spidy senses are tingling. There is something more to the SIL. There is something there. She is not in a good mental place due to her accident or new work place (embarrased / bullied). Those are the two post obvious things.

I hope OP can have a private, personal conversation with SIL. It's not about the lunches. Not really. I see a lot of love in this family. Communication is key. I think SIL is hurting about some things, and the lunches somehow got entangled. I suspect she's a little embarrassed, and may even feel "shown up" a bit, on top of possibly bigger issues. A heart to heart talk is in order. I am glad you have so much love in your soul and in your family❤🙏

No soup for you!

I get the feeling that Sis is a little jealous of the happy family since she's now in a position of having a lower-paying job, no husband, no child, etc, and feels her face is being rubbed in it. Understandable in a way, however, she should be self-aware enough to know she is hurting her relationship with her sister by trying to pretend they are not as happy and fulfilled as they are.

I think OP's SIL may ge getting bullied at her work, over her lunches. Yes, very primary school like almost playground stuff, but some adults don't like someone getting something better, bigger, more thoughtful, than they get so they resort to bullying. Time for a heart to heart. It's not you, it's more than likely something happening at work. This " bourgeois" thing is just so ridiculous, I mean who would call it this?! Do they even know what it means? NTA.

Todays Menu: Take It or Leave It!

Knowing that this type of response is out of character for the SIL, would make me want to figure out the why behind it. I think the SIL was out of bounds to ask the wife to stop making sandwiches for her husband and SIL, and I think the husband should have backed up his wife first. But there's clearly something else going on, It seems like everyone should be working together to try to be understanding for every side.

This is weird.

Joe

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Why waste your time trying to make everyone happy and that includes your SIL co-workers. Make lunch for your husband and youself. She's a grown woman. She has a job. She can buy her own lunch that fits the profile of the people she works with.

are those coworkers adults? So childish to make fun of someone over a fancy lunch.

This is so a non-issue. Buying a different lunchbox/lunch bag is not hard or expensive if she still loves her careless stupid husband.

Start making the plain meals(or maybe even sandwich and soup in a thermos for a bit) just to get her talking. There may be a spectacular Karen/Bully or more than one where she works, her attitude may have much more to do with them rather than you or the meals. She may be trying to shield herself from them or on the other hand she may just desperately be trying to fit into a sandwich or salad kind of work place and while well intended and undoubtedly delicious, your special lunches may mark her as an outsider in her own eyes when all she wants to do is fit in

Did the YTA folks saying she should not make the lunches like this not read anything she said??? She did stop! Or are they really calling it a simple request to change how she makes her/husband's lunches???? You don't get to demand anything especially in the way she has when someone makes you lunch like that. The person who says I won't talk to you until you do as I say isn't TA? Unbelievable. Also..... Who's judging someone for a heart shape in a lunch???? Even if they are EFF them! If that were the case she needs to take it up with HR and actually handle the bullying. That or remove the things she doesn't want there. I need an update and her husband should have her back 100%.

I'm having a hard time believing this, can't believe someone would be that ungrateful.Ok so everyone is focused on the OP fixing lunch or not, the husband giving wrong box (which makes no sense btw). However the real concern is why is her grown coworkers shaming her lunch?! Why she doesn't tell them my sister doing something nice for me mind your business get out my lunch. This work not elementary school. To stop talking to your sister because of it is nuts definitely more to it. Make your own then!!

One is handling the other's food.

I would like to see an update on this to hear what kind of issues the SIL has with the fancy lunches. I would be so happy for someone to make meals for me.

is her name Karla?

So, it's two lunches, then ... or OP is kinda a doormat. Seriously, what is wrong with that? I've done that with stuff I was to eat alone, just for the fun of it. You're doing something nice for her, and whatever is wrong with her to oppose it, even to the point of accepting lunches, yet not talking to you ... what sort of doormat are you? The cleaners ruined my Rolling-Stones-Doormat with bleach, it looks really shiddy now, would you like to reside, flatly so, in front of my door, OP? I might even be hungry at times.

Also. Bourgeois does not mean what she thinks it means.. It's usually used as I insult by the muckety mucks about the lower (middle) class... If you're gonny be a b***h about something at least use the proper words. If she's getting all fancy lunches made, with all fancy decorations on, that's fancy, not middle class.

Why wasnt the link to the reddit post included?

Crab bucket mentality of the low class workers

NTA.. need to compliment that You are a dream wife for any man..

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Stop making her lunch and find another source of child care. She is a controlling narcissistic AH. She's using bullying, gaslighting c**p by getting your husband involved. This whole "I won't talk to you until you give into my demands" is a load of BS. Fine, don't want to listen to your s**t anyhow. Silence is golden.