Unfortunately, not all engaged couples make it to the finish line. The sad reality is that some relationships and weddings fall apart. The question remains, though, what should the guests do with the gifts? Do they cancel the orders or do they still go ahead as though nothing happened?
Redditor u/Relative_Attempt6316 went viral after she turned to the AITA online community for their thoughts on whether she behaved like a jerk. She shared how she canceled the gift she had found for her sister-in-law after her wedding fell apart. However, the would-be bride still felt entitled to it. Read on for the full story.
Generally, if the engaged couple breaks up, they ought to return any wedding gifts they’d received
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One wedding guest shared how upset the would-be bride was after she canceled her present
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Relative_Attempt6316
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Gifts won’t mend a broken heart. There are other ways to help the couple
The author’s story made a big splash on the internet. It went viral on Reddit, garnering 14k upvotes and 1.5k comments. Most readers were very supportive of u/Relative_Attempt6316. They thought she did nothing wrong and urged her not to feel guilty about canceling the gift.
It’s only logical that if there’s no wedding, then there’s no need for any wedding gifts. If the Big Day gets canceled, it’s perfectly fine to cancel the gift orders, too. Meanwhile, if the happy couple already received any gifts from their supportive guests, returning them would be the right thing to do.
Many gifts are quite expensive. It would be bizarre to keep them if the relationship didn’t work out while the guests didn’t get the chance to celebrate the union.
Understandably, the engaged couple is probably distraught if they break up right before the wedding. But, to be completely fair, this doesn’t entitle them to keep their wedding presents. Not only is it kind of unethical, but it’s also going to ruin a lot of their relationships if they go through with it.
If the broken-up couple’s family and friends want to boost their mood, there are other ways to do it. They could, for example, spend quality time together. They could watch some uplifting movies or TV shows for a good cry or laugh. They could make some wholesome homemade food to pick up their spirits. They could do all the fun things they love to do.
Moving on after a bad break-up is extremely hard. But the secret is time and support from your loved ones, not more material possessions. A $700 gift is a bandaid. Sure, it’ll make you feel good for a moment… until you realize that there’s still a gaping emotional hole in you that needs to be dealt with.
New stuff is a distraction. That money is better invested in experiences or, if we’re completely honest, therapy to help heal and move on from the failed relationship.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
There’s a lot of communication and bookkeeping that needs to be done if you cancel the wedding
Author and etiquette expert Lizzie Post told HuffPost that if you decide to call off the wedding, the first thing you should do is contact the people hosting the event or helping you plan it. Do that either in person or via phone, but do that ASAP.
“None of these people should be finding out over email, or by Facebook or text message. That’s just not okay in this situation,” the expert points out.
The next step would be to tell everyone else linked to the wedding about the cancellation. That means all the guests. The most important ones, like the folks who you wanted to do the readings and toasts, should definitely get a personal phone call from the couple.
Your trusted relatives or friends can handle informing the vendors, caterers, and photographers. Meanwhile, let all the other guests know that the wedding is a no-go ASAP, whether via phone, email, message, or sending out physical cards (if there’s still time). The sooner you get things sorted, the better. After all, your guests are booking flights and hotels, and buying new clothes and gifts.
“Call who you can and email who you know would be okay getting an email. Your main objective is to let the rest of your guest list know as soon as possible before they lose deposits and drop money,” Post explains.
The next step is sending back all of the gifts the couple already received, along with a note. If you have the time, you can always return the gifts to the stores yourself, and then credit your guests’ accounts, so it’s less of a headache for them.
However, if the wedding isn’t canceled but postponed, The Knot says that it’s all right to keep your registry of gifts up.
“It can feel like one more defeat to take your registry down. You may be surprised at the number of loved ones that want to send you a little token of love and well-wishes off your registry during this time,” notes Alyssa Longobucco, the Senior Style and Planning Editor at The Knot.
In the meantime, if you’ve already received any cash gifts, you don’t need to give those back, if the wedding will still happen at a later date. That said, the couple should be flexible if their guests ask for it back: they might urgently need it now that the situation has changed.
The internet seemed to have a clear position in this situation. Many readers were on the guest’s side
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"Since I know your family is going through a difficult time right now, I will do the kind thing and pretend you never said to this to me. Also, here is a funny picture of the dog!"
This is exactly the correct response! You obviously know your etiquette, Joey, and that humor can help smooth over unpleasant things. Way to go! 🫸🏻
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What does the SIL not understand about the principle behind a wedding gift? No wedding, no gift. It's that easy. Maybe draw them a picture or diagram?
SIL sounds greedy and self entitled. Nobody deserves a wedding gift if the wedding has been canceled.
"Since I know your family is going through a difficult time right now, I will do the kind thing and pretend you never said to this to me. Also, here is a funny picture of the dog!"
This is exactly the correct response! You obviously know your etiquette, Joey, and that humor can help smooth over unpleasant things. Way to go! 🫸🏻
Load More Replies... What does the SIL not understand about the principle behind a wedding gift? No wedding, no gift. It's that easy. Maybe draw them a picture or diagram?
SIL sounds greedy and self entitled. Nobody deserves a wedding gift if the wedding has been canceled.
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