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222
Parents Go No-Contact With Grandma After She Rats Out Their “Night Shift” Arrangement To CPS
Interview With ExpertWhen there’s a bigger age gap between siblings, parents might feel tempted to transfer some of their duties to the older children. While this can teach them responsibility and the importance of helping out in a family, not all people think it’s fair to give kids adult obligations at a young age.
Like this grandma, who, after seeing her teenage granddaughter staying up all night to take care of her baby siblings, called CPS to solve the issue. However, after doing so, she started doubting whether she had stirred up too much drama in her granddaughter’s life.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with licensed therapist Kelly McCullough, LCSW, from La Jolla Therapy Center, who kindly agreed to chat with us about giving responsibilities to older siblings.
RELATED:
When parents feel tired or overwhelmed, they might feel tempted to ask for help from their older children
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envato (not the actual photo)
This grandma was totally appaled when her daughter used teenage child as babysitter and even called CPS on her
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: [deleted]
It’s not neccessarily bad to ask older siblings to babysit younger ones
Licensed therapist Kelly McCullough, LCSW, from La Jolla Therapy Center, says that it’s not neccessarily bad to ask older siblings to babysit younger ones. But this has to depend on the chronological age and developmental needs of the siblings.
By assigning older kids childcare, parents can foster a sense of responsibility and self-competence just by giving them the opportunity to perform a job. “Older siblings can improve their sense of self-esteem if they feel they are contributing in an important way to the family,” McCullough said.
However, this can also come with quite a few risks. “Some risks may be incurred if the younger sibling’s developmental needs outweigh the older sibling’s capacity for caregiving; for example, if a younger sibling has difficult behaviors to manage (like aggression, throwing, or biting), it may put an unfair burden on the older child to manage these independently without adult support,” McCullough noted.
That’s why it’s important to make sure that sibling is ready and old enough to take care of younger children. It might not be about a specific age, but more about the maturity level of the sibling—parents should be able to evaluate that without much trouble. If a child shows patience and enthusiasm to help out with siblings, that’s a good sign they’re ready to take on the responsibility. In case they are disinterested and easily become irritated or frustrated with a younger sibling’s behavior, they might not be mature enough for the task.
But parents also shouldn’t forget that free time is important for young people
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / pexels (not the actual photo)
Another important thing for parents to remember is not to overwhelm the older child with childcare responsibilities since they probably have a lot on their plate already, like school, homework, extracurricular activities, and perhaps even a part-time job. It’s crucial that they have some free time for themselves as well.
To keep a healthy balance, McCullough suggests following a “hire slow, fire fast” method. “In parenting terms, this means slowly offering and then increasing babysitting responsibilities in a graduated fashion. Maybe start with 15 minutes of babysitting while the parent is still home and increasing both the duration of time and the amount of responsibilities in an intentional manner. Check in with the older child frequently to see how they are feeling and how it is going.”
The truth is that babysitting is a demanding job, and not all children might be up to it. Alternatively, there are plenty of other chores kids can do that teach the same lesson but don’t involve childcare. 20 minutes of vacuuming, washing dishes, or folding laundry can also teach them responsibility and award them with a sense of accomplishment and competence without overwhelming them.
Parents shouldn’t forget that free time is important for young people. According to research, not having enough leisure time can halt children from reaching their optimal mental health. In general, parents should keep a balance of trying to instill a sense of discipline and responsibility and also allowing for some free time.
Some readers praised grandma for calling CPS
While others had completely different opinions
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What do you think ?
Vinnie 9 months ago
"My granddaughter mentioned she’s thinking about getting pregnant or married so she can move out" - I suspect that she's been helping to raise her siblings for quite a while and doesn't see an end to it.
Nimitz 9 months ago
F*****g HEROINE! Grandmother of the f*****g year! Perpetually pregnant Mom did the standard thing and expects the oldest child to do the child rearing rather than learn how to use a f*****g c****m. Get that teenager out of that place so she can learn she has more worth than her ability to raise children.
StumblingThroughLife 9 months ago (edited)
I hear/read so many of these type of posts, and am gutted for the kids that it's such a big thing. Parentification (forced babysitting of siblings) is vile. If you can't cope with more than 1 child, or can't afford childcare/babysitters/nannies, why have more? Contraception is out there! These parents are AHs and are using their oldest to take over parental duties using 'responsibility' lies. Let kids be kids for the short time they have, fgs.
Susan Schlee 9 months ago
There's a difference between, "Could you watch the younger kids while I go to the store?" verses "I'm too lazy to parent the children I made, so the oldest kid has to get up with them at night, plus cook, clean, and supervise them during the day." Notice these parents are always at Olympic athlete levels of screwing and making kids!
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Jack Sonol 9 months ago
Parentification is when a child takes on adult responsibilities for their parent or sibling, disrupting their healthy development and attachment. It is abuse. The YTAs are exceptionally delusional on this one, literally defending child abuse.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
I don’t even read them now lol I see the YTA n scroll past cos they are all lunatics 😂
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Btsquestrian 9 months ago
As someone who was parentified starting when I was ten years old, I fully support the grandmother's decision to contact Child Protective Services.
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
If I were OP, I'd do everything to get the granddaughter out of that house. Talk about the "Duggerazation" of a family!
Ruth Watry 9 months ago
Tell granddaughter that it is ok to fall asleep during class. When the school asks why she is falling asleep (or not doing homework, or failing exams), tell her to tell them that she parents make her get up with the babies, so she is not able to sleep and too tired to do homework. If it happens enough, many schools will get involved.
Sarah 9 months ago
No idea what planet those people criticising granny are on. Maybe they are doing similar and trying to convince themselves they are in the right. Granny was correct
Michelle Randazzo 9 months ago
Think your granddaughter needs to leave the Neverending nest,and move in with you. Abd be a teen instead of an under paid nanny. All because mom likes to sleep.
Littlemiss 9 months ago
I've known a lot of these parents. The mom isn't sleeping, she's resting up for the next baby making sessions. The 11 year old will be next on the list to care for her siblings and baby number 6.
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Deborah B 9 months ago
Being up half the night caring for babies is going to be affecting school performance for the 16 year old. It could be the difference between getting into college/trade school or missing her grades, or between getting her diploma, and leaving without qualifications. Helping supervise younger siblings during the day is normal, but feeding, changing, getting up in the night, should all be the responsibility of the actual parents.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
Help make a plan for your granddaughter! Plenty of ways to get out with a little support that don't involve pimping yourself out. If she can't move in with grandma, help her study for APs if she's in the US and go early to college. Other countries are even better for this, where the pyramid scheme of academia is configured in a different way. Help her to become an emancipated minor. It's really just paperwork and a plan. Don't encourage bad decisions by not helping her see other options.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
11mths then a new born to wow she basically got pregnant within weeks of having the 11mth old one that’s downright stupid ! n using the poor 16 yr old as a maid at night is disgraceful ! maybe keep her dam legs shut what’s the betting no 6 appears in 9 mths to ! op you very much are NTA thank you for caring n as others have said plz take the eldest to live with you so she can have a life xx
Susan Schlee 9 months ago
C**p like this is why shows like the Duggers and Teen Mom should have never been allowed to air. They glorify multiplying beyond what the parents are capable of taking care of and making it normal to be a parent to kids when you're still a kid yourself.
Mark Childers 9 months ago
Why do people insist on having such large families? How do they take vacations? No one will babysit. Then they end up takng all of the kids everywhere they go and make them everyone else's problems. I recently had to take my cat to the vet. There was a family with eight children in the lobby, and all of the kids were running around and screaming. Needless to say, it was a lot of extra stress on my cat and me for no reason. One person could have taken their pet in while everyone else stayed home. And I get really tired of people claiming all of these stories are fake. If you don't believe it, move on.
patricia patricia 9 months ago
An 11 month old and a newborn? Don't those two a******s know how to use a c****m?
MisterE 9 months ago
Hope this is not a true story. If it is, who sides with the lady that makes her 16 the 3rd shift parent and wants to get married or pregnant to escape. And FFS, a newborn and an 11 month old. Keep it in your flippin pants!!! With this amount of kids, thats unacceptable. What the hell was the big wait after the first kid (parent #3)???
Xenia Harley 9 months ago
I am a little suspicious of the fact that Grandma has 7 daughters and 28 grandkids! Are they some kind of religious sect? The oldest at 16 wants to get pregnant, married so she can move out? Is anyone else seeing a lot of red flags?
Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
The granddaughter needs to move in with a family that doesn't believe in having litters instead of children.
GirlFriday 9 months ago
I am the youngest of 13 children so I didn't have any younger siblings, but my parents never had my brothers watch me for more than a few minutes (can you watch your sister while I run downstairs and change the laundry over) until I was old enough to fend for myself - like when I was about 8 and it was an hour after school. My aunt, on the other hand, had five children and her oldest raised the other four. Her and my mother used to fight about my cousin, at 11 years old, getting up for midnight feedings.
Emily Skrobiszewski 9 months ago
We had this happen with my cousin's kids making their younger siblings babysit while they partied. It's just so not right in any way shape or form. Those are your babies, take care of your child and let those siblings and older children live their lives. I'm not saying don't ask them to help out in a pinch, but don't just assume or designated. That is not their child!!!!!
Earthquake903 9 months ago
As a child, from the age of 9 I took over most of the household chores and began looking after my younger sister a few years after that. It did not go well. Take your granddaughter and help her out.
Rita Wilson 9 months ago
Ask the Dugger girls how they liked having younger siblings assigned for them to basically raise
Rita Wilson 9 months ago
Ask the Duggar girls how they felt having several younger siblings to take care of
Veronica Dunn Sloan 9 months ago
If the mother is so tired then she needs to get her tubes burned and stop having babies. It is NOT a 16 year old to take care of her siblings. Grandmother get her out of there by any means necessary. Please get her out
tori Ohno 9 months ago (edited)
Soft YTA. Sending those kids into the foster system isn't the way to go. Good intentions, but bad e x e c u t i o n of those intentions. Just offer to take the girl in, if they say no (of course they will) you take it to family court. Tell them ahead of time that they'll lose because parentification is considered abuse. Hopefully they'll back down and hand her over. But, they'll go after the next kid in line. Keep an eye on them.
Debbie 9 months ago
This,Cps is a drastic measure and you don't want these kids ending up in foster care, you want the parents to parent. So offer the 16yo a place in your home so the parents have to parent.
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Olga Hernandez 9 months ago
I feel for that 16 yr old girl. I was one myself that had the obligation to take care of my younger siblings because my mom was a single mother and worked at night. Believe me it was NOT fun! My mom couldn’t afford a babysitter and needed to work but it was still a big responsibility and overwhelming for me.
Claire Ferguson 9 months ago
My older children are 19 and 16, younger children are 6 and 3 months. The older boys help a little with the baby but would never expect them to get up with him in the middle of the night, that mine or their dad's job, they have school and college in the morning.
Leslie Agans Bilotta 9 months ago
Teaching your daughter “responsibility” is ONE thing-folding laundry, etc. it’s not HER job to take over when YOU wanted more kids! Get your lazy a*s out of bed! You have taught her the opposite. She’s looking for HER WAY OUT! She is 16 and A LOT on her plate! Grades, college forms, a PT job for her OWN MONEY- not yours! Teens need their sleep! Big time. Yes. She SHOULD move to her grandmoms. Every one of your kids will eventually move in! 1by1 ! You want babies? Take care of them!
Emily Ly 9 months ago
A 16 year old wants to get pregnant just so she can leave home. Thats not okay. At all. When I read the title I was expecting something like expecting the 16 year old to babysit occasionally for date nights or when they occasionally had to work late. But to essentially make her do all night time care for babies that aren't hers is insane.
Serah Loeffel Roberts 9 months ago
My friend was eldest of nine children. His mom then decided to move bedbound grandma in and made it clear he had to look after the younger kids. He was 17 years old. He decided enlisting in the Navy and serving a tour in Vietnam was preferable to his home situation. Now he is unmarried and childless because of being parentified at an early age.
RM Ker 9 months ago
The mother in this scenario was being a*****e. I was an Early Start teacher for 16 years, saw terrible abuse happening to infants & toddlers & not one time did CPS respond to a report. I also haven't seen a family with more than 4 kids where significant neglect wasn't happening. Putting a 16 yo in charge of an infant endangered them both. The teen is being deprived of sleep so the selfish parents don't have to be. They are showing a severe disregard for her health and education. They are also putting that infant in danger with a sleep deprived, resentful teen. Parents who have this many kids think these are good solutions because they lack the empathy to understand how wrong it is to have that many kids to begin with. If the grandma talked to the mother first, she could have remained in the children's lives. When you see a child's life endangered, file a CPS report and callI police. Grandma should try to get custody of the teen, but the parents could do this to the next oldest child.
Vicki Mathison 9 months ago
Its ABUSE no arguments. This has been proven to be damaging to child that are made to be a parent to a sibling. stop having >3 kids
MaKayla Roberts 9 months ago
Im not sure what state you are in but I'm pretty sure by law she is old enough to be emancipated and choose where and with whom she wants to live. Go to your granddaughter either by having lunch with her at the school or something and ask her if you willing to put her up till she gets on her own feet although I would hope you would allow her to stay with you till after graduation at least... anyways ask her if she would be interested in staying with you so she can focus on school and her life and future. Please don't give up on helping her. I feel like if you could have handled the situation more delicately you would have although I'm going off of what info you have given.... I don't know how often you have been going over to help your daughter but until you can help better the situation. I recommend trying to make amends as best as you can for your granddaughters sake atleast until you can get her out of there and go help as often as you can to alleviate the situation for them all.
Molly Harris 9 months ago (edited)
These people need to learn what birth control is. All of them. The grandmother should've, the mother DEFINITELY shouldve( and 11 month old AND a newborn??),and the 16 year old. Ridiculous.
Lululoohoo 9 months ago
i don't agree with going to CPS right off the bat, but I agree with the scentiment. That child should NOT be waking up for the "night shift" that's bull. The parents are lazy & need a reality check
Jenn Green 9 months ago
I think a 16 yo does benefit from responsibility around the house or getting a part time job, but expecting this young girl to care for her siblings on the night shift is extremely irresponsible of these parents. She should be sleeping as well so she can function during the day at school. It's obvious it's overwhelming this young girl because she is contemplating getting married or having her own child, as a means to move away and get out of these responsibilities. As the grandmother, I would talk to her and support her. Yes inviting her to visit several nights a week or maybe even having her move in could be a solution. This young girl needs to know someone has her back. Maybe trying to have a conversation with your grand daughter and her parents could be an option. If they are not willing, maybe a family counselor could help? At 16, the law allows a child of this age, to see a counselor with the parents knowledge or permission. Then at some point, there could be a family session.
Annie McCoppin 9 months ago
I agree that what the mother is putting on her 16 yo is wrong. CPS can be very intense and traumatic, though. It's hard to get them back out of your life and it will always be on record and can be used against you in the future. It's a very permanent stain. CPS was extreme.
Jake Hayes 9 months ago
Not enough info to decide. 1, get off your highhorse and help your daughter 2, talk to grandaughter, have her talk to mom about her feelings and stuff. YMA [you major a....] for calling in CPS, possibly tearing apart family, "Making a mountain out of a molehill". You ...... lucky daughter still talks to you
Pittsburgh rare 9 months ago
Lol, the YTAs with "sHe'S ExHaUsTeD, ShE juST hAd a BaBY". You know how she wouldn't be exhausted? Not having so many babies. You push 'em, you parents raise them.
Sue Kelley 9 months ago
Granddaughter doesn’t like taking care of little sibs st night so she thinking about getting PREGNANT? She does realize she’d have 24/7 responsibilities then? I’m not saying the parents are right at all but calling CPS was a d**k move, grandma. If older siblings having sone responsibility for younger ones was an actionable offense, those 19 kids and counting people would have had regular dates with a social worker rather than cluttering up the tv for all those years. CPS is over worked and understaffed and unfortunately there’s a lack of supervision and consistent management that means some people get yanked into court because their 14 year old got mad she couldn’t date a 25 year old and made something for CPS, or a parent (gasp) let their kid play in the front yard alone while other get a pass until their kid ends up in the hospital or the morgue. And just like APS once you get involved they have a tendency to keep popping in for “checks”. Do you just hate your daughter?
Allison Miller 9 months ago
I believe in older siblings helping but only during normal operating hours. Night shift belongs to Mom and Dad. Grandma should have awakened the parents not CPS.
StrangeOne 9 months ago (edited)
I kind of wonder why, if the grandma heard the baby crying, she didn't go tend to the baby for the mother, instead of going to make herself a cup of tea. I guess she's from that era of "letting the baby cry back to sleep"? She even gets all pouty about the idea of sleeping on the couch. She doesn't like driving in the rain? She practically invited herself to stay the night, by no choice of the family. I do agree the 16 year old should not be the one on "night shift duty". I was a teen mom, so of course I was the one having to get up every time my baby cried, and i remember how hard that was and the pain of sleep deprivation. Teenagers need their sleep more than even they know. But calling CPS? Nah. Now her kids are at risk of the trauma of being split up and placed in the foster system, where her babies are not going to be given any emotional and physical affection. I say ESH, except the grandkids.
Captaindolly_767 1 week ago
There was an episode of Supernanny where the two older sisters were completely responsible for all the household chores and taking care of their young siblings even though the parents were fully capable of taking over when they got home from work. The two daughters did it all and both of them were in online school and were failing because their siblings demanded their attention. They even put their siblings to bed every night. One thing I noticed is that one of the sisters was stick thin and was pale and had dark circles under her eyes. When Jo was going over how things were going to be from then on this sister passed out. Of course no ambulance came but the mother did take her to the family doctor who said she was exhausted and needed to rest. One thing that made me angry on top of all of this was how the dad treated the oldest children like c**p. Nothing they did was good enough. Honestly I would not be surprised if everything went back to the old way after Jo left.
Jenna T 4 weeks ago (edited)
NTA for objecting to the situation, but it wasn't a good idea to run tattling to CPS. Not all social workers are reasonable people who do their jobs in good faith. They might have drawn one who decided to take ALL the kids because "there are two babies who'll be super-easy to adopt out and we get extra funding for that. And no, grandma can't have them - she's too old."
Jenna T 4 weeks ago
NTA for objecting to this behavior, but it was wrong to go straight for tattling to CPS. That plan could have backfired spectacularly - what if the social worker had decided to take ALL the kids because "she has two babies that'll be easy to adopt and we need the extra funding"?
Rebecca Joan 1 month ago
She definitely overreacted, and probably should’ve discussed it a little bit more. But obviously CPS didn’t find that there was anything wrong with it so she should’ve just minded her own business.
TCW Sam Vimes 2 months ago
Parentification is a***e, and giving a 16yo responsibility to care for a NEWBORN is insanity
Shaena N. Spencer 2 months ago
Absolutely disgusting! I NEVER asked my teen to help out during the night maybe a lil during the day but night is my job as a parent! Mom n Dad are in bed too much all them d**n kids they can't (obviously) take care of. Wonder when the next one is coming....poor kid she should leave. Go to Grandma's house and I bet court will let the teen decide. At 16 they have a day. Daughter is a horrible parent.
Katisha Day 9 months ago (edited)
Holy c**p this is wild. Has anyone ever heard "It takes a village to raise a child!" My husband and I have 6 children 19-4 yo. I had 5 sisters growing up and we where poor my older sister had alot to do with my up bringing I did not understand it then but I do now and so does she and she wouldn't change the fact that she did do so much that should be on the parent. My older daughters help with my young kids. We are a family and it takes all of us helping each other and one day when my daughters have babies and small children I will be there to help them, my younger children will be there to help them because we are family and it's the circle of life. Now this mom just had a baby she might have had her tubs tied so she don't have anymore planned or unplanned pregnancy's but it is very painful. I do not necessarily think it's the teenagers place to take on night duty but Idk their family's dynamics but I'm praying for them as a whole.
El Noriega 9 months ago
As the oldest sibling who cared for all her parents and younger sibling don't let her get stuck in that they had them there should care for them
lazy dragon 9 months ago
Im glad i live in a state where grandparents don’t have rights ! She was interfering where she had no right.
Joe Smith 9 months ago
CPS is next level terrible. You don't call CPS for things like this. Asking your teenager to help out with the other kids is not illegal or immoral. No one was in danger or being abused, so to level a threat of havbing the state snatch your grandkids from YOUR OWN CHILDREN is about as bad as it gets in my book. There are so many other options to explore before you go doing dirty rat things like that. I'd never talk to my mom again if she did that to me. It's a vindictive thing to do. It's mean spirited. CPS is for dangerous situations, not inconvenient ones. The people that agree with this person have clearly lived lives that did not include CPS. If you've ever dealt with them or know someone who has, you know what I mean. That is next level petiness and just terrible behavior. We live in a society where we think "its all about me" and pretend like they don't have to do things that inconvenience them just because "individualism." Grandma is obfuscating the truth here, im sure.
Kayla Reeves 9 months ago
I agree that the 16 y/o shouldn't be having to do late shifts taking care of babies, but I 100 percent do not agree with calling CPS. Not unless there was wayyy more going on. I would never speak to my mother/ mil again
Alicia Merino 9 months ago
A 16 year old should NOT take the.night shift.for her parents.choice to have another baby. She should be.focusing on school, future, etc....
Ervin Conn 9 months ago
Some people need to learn that it is a v****a not a clown car. Family reunions must look like Mets stadium with a rival game going on. Grandaughter wants to continue the trend? Starting at 16?
Misty Almasi 9 months ago
If a family member ever called CPS on me they would never speak to me or my children again. There is no forgiveness for this. I worked as a CPS investigator. One false allegation can ruin careers and tear families apart.
Sarah Jan Kelly 9 months ago
To preface I’m NOT defending the parents. 16 year old should be focused on sleep and school, not raising the baby her parents chose to have. That said, I’m not the biggest fan of grandmother’s attempt to address the issue. CPS isn’t equipped to handle something like this. They straight up said they couldn’t do anything, and they can barely handle situations well when there’s much clearer physical abuse and severe neglect. If grandmother really wanted to improve things she would have been better off trying to talk to her daughter first, offering to let 16 year old stay with her, or even just helping with the baby to give the kid a break. (No it’s not RIGHT that grandmother would need to do that, but being effective is sometimes more important than being right.) P.s. I know adults are responsible for their own decisions and it’s not always the fault of bad parenting, but if I were the grandmother I would be questioning how I raised a daughter who would become such a bad mom.
The Goo King 9 months ago
Pretty sure this is fake, but if not, they appear to be trying to singlehandedly reverse the population declines in the western hemisphere.
Nitka Tsar 9 months ago
Contemplating having a baby to escape the responsibility for another baby is a bit weird. I don‘t know, but something seams odd. The 16 year old sounds a bit like she tries to manipulate grandma. But, of course, I don‘t know all the angles and I do have a vivid imagination, so
Michael 9 months ago
My thoughts on the article. If i can got through basic training for the national guard to be a soldier at 16. A girl can watch a baby her baby sibling. You netizens are just created new ways to abuse people. Victims and honestly it is really crazy. This whole your not an adult until your 18. It is just plan stupid. Drop the age of everything and start holding teen accountable like they were adults. They are not children anymore. Stop giving them a second decade of treating them like they are.
Carol Grimes 9 months ago
Total betrayal to your daughter in her moat vulnerable time of need. You said you were there to help and then made her life a living he'll. If you were concerned about your grandchildren, you should have gotten a lot more info before involving CPS. You don't live there and you don't know how often mom and dad are asking her to help like this, but you were out of line jumping to conclusions and I would go no contact if I had this happen to me.
Carol Grimes 9 months ago
To call cps after this one instance without really any sufficient evidence that this isn't a once in a while thing, is an absolute betrayal to your daughter. The woman has 5 kids and just gave birth a week prior? And then you go over to "help", and instead open a can of worms with cps and you only WONDER if you went too far? I would have felt so betrayed by my mother and I would have gone no contact. It's great you want to help protect your granddaughter, but you definitely should have felt the situation out better first if you thought your daughters behavior was so abusive or neglectful, you needed to involve CPS.
Luiza NP 9 months ago
Grandma MASSIVELY overreacted. It is THE FIRST WEEK of a newborn and there is another baby (11m) in the house. Nowhere was said that it would be a permanent arrangement. Should have talked to the parents, offered to help before doing something só drastic and risky .
Pittsburgh rare 9 months ago
Or they could just... not popping babies one right after another. She woke up to a baby crying but the parents didn't? Wow
Load More Replies... R Ray 9 months ago
YTA. Mind the business that pays you lady. Your daughter was correct, those are HER children. You get the boot and good riddance.
R N L Wash Club & Supreme Detailing 9 months ago
Being a family means everyone pitches in and cares for each other. Taking care of each other is learned. Calling helping with your family parentification or abuse is not normal or ok. Calling parents breeders, telling teenagers to leave their family for being asked to help, when I'm sure when she's in her mom's situation her family and siblings will be there for her. It was a gross overreaction from the grandmother. Grandma tearing up a family and taking the 16 year old away from her parents and siblings to end up alone with no support or place in her family... which in this life she will need is disgusting. I had several friends go live with grandparents as teenagers and they turned out horrible. People want to run to weaker adults to take more control, especially teenagers. It's not good for them. Not good results. Put in effort. A 16 year old is almost considered an adult in our society, her mother is right to prepare her or show her how life of an adult woman can be and help her
8g2pcwy2z7 9 months ago
If that were my mother I would never speak to her again. She needs to mind her own business. These people saying taking the 16 year old girl that would be up to her and I am sure she would never go.
Vinnie 9 months ago
"My granddaughter mentioned she’s thinking about getting pregnant or married so she can move out" - I suspect that she's been helping to raise her siblings for quite a while and doesn't see an end to it.
Nimitz 9 months ago
F*****g HEROINE! Grandmother of the f*****g year! Perpetually pregnant Mom did the standard thing and expects the oldest child to do the child rearing rather than learn how to use a f*****g c****m. Get that teenager out of that place so she can learn she has more worth than her ability to raise children.
StumblingThroughLife 9 months ago (edited)
I hear/read so many of these type of posts, and am gutted for the kids that it's such a big thing. Parentification (forced babysitting of siblings) is vile. If you can't cope with more than 1 child, or can't afford childcare/babysitters/nannies, why have more? Contraception is out there! These parents are AHs and are using their oldest to take over parental duties using 'responsibility' lies. Let kids be kids for the short time they have, fgs.
Susan Schlee 9 months ago
There's a difference between, "Could you watch the younger kids while I go to the store?" verses "I'm too lazy to parent the children I made, so the oldest kid has to get up with them at night, plus cook, clean, and supervise them during the day." Notice these parents are always at Olympic athlete levels of screwing and making kids!
Load More Replies... Jack Sonol 9 months ago
Parentification is when a child takes on adult responsibilities for their parent or sibling, disrupting their healthy development and attachment. It is abuse. The YTAs are exceptionally delusional on this one, literally defending child abuse.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
I don’t even read them now lol I see the YTA n scroll past cos they are all lunatics 😂
Load More Replies... Btsquestrian 9 months ago
As someone who was parentified starting when I was ten years old, I fully support the grandmother's decision to contact Child Protective Services.
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
If I were OP, I'd do everything to get the granddaughter out of that house. Talk about the "Duggerazation" of a family!
Ruth Watry 9 months ago
Tell granddaughter that it is ok to fall asleep during class. When the school asks why she is falling asleep (or not doing homework, or failing exams), tell her to tell them that she parents make her get up with the babies, so she is not able to sleep and too tired to do homework. If it happens enough, many schools will get involved.
Sarah 9 months ago
No idea what planet those people criticising granny are on. Maybe they are doing similar and trying to convince themselves they are in the right. Granny was correct
Michelle Randazzo 9 months ago
Think your granddaughter needs to leave the Neverending nest,and move in with you. Abd be a teen instead of an under paid nanny. All because mom likes to sleep.
Littlemiss 9 months ago
I've known a lot of these parents. The mom isn't sleeping, she's resting up for the next baby making sessions. The 11 year old will be next on the list to care for her siblings and baby number 6.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 9 months ago
Being up half the night caring for babies is going to be affecting school performance for the 16 year old. It could be the difference between getting into college/trade school or missing her grades, or between getting her diploma, and leaving without qualifications. Helping supervise younger siblings during the day is normal, but feeding, changing, getting up in the night, should all be the responsibility of the actual parents.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
Help make a plan for your granddaughter! Plenty of ways to get out with a little support that don't involve pimping yourself out. If she can't move in with grandma, help her study for APs if she's in the US and go early to college. Other countries are even better for this, where the pyramid scheme of academia is configured in a different way. Help her to become an emancipated minor. It's really just paperwork and a plan. Don't encourage bad decisions by not helping her see other options.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
11mths then a new born to wow she basically got pregnant within weeks of having the 11mth old one that’s downright stupid ! n using the poor 16 yr old as a maid at night is disgraceful ! maybe keep her dam legs shut what’s the betting no 6 appears in 9 mths to ! op you very much are NTA thank you for caring n as others have said plz take the eldest to live with you so she can have a life xx
Susan Schlee 9 months ago
C**p like this is why shows like the Duggers and Teen Mom should have never been allowed to air. They glorify multiplying beyond what the parents are capable of taking care of and making it normal to be a parent to kids when you're still a kid yourself.
Mark Childers 9 months ago
Why do people insist on having such large families? How do they take vacations? No one will babysit. Then they end up takng all of the kids everywhere they go and make them everyone else's problems. I recently had to take my cat to the vet. There was a family with eight children in the lobby, and all of the kids were running around and screaming. Needless to say, it was a lot of extra stress on my cat and me for no reason. One person could have taken their pet in while everyone else stayed home. And I get really tired of people claiming all of these stories are fake. If you don't believe it, move on.
patricia patricia 9 months ago
An 11 month old and a newborn? Don't those two a******s know how to use a c****m?
MisterE 9 months ago
Hope this is not a true story. If it is, who sides with the lady that makes her 16 the 3rd shift parent and wants to get married or pregnant to escape. And FFS, a newborn and an 11 month old. Keep it in your flippin pants!!! With this amount of kids, thats unacceptable. What the hell was the big wait after the first kid (parent #3)???
Xenia Harley 9 months ago
I am a little suspicious of the fact that Grandma has 7 daughters and 28 grandkids! Are they some kind of religious sect? The oldest at 16 wants to get pregnant, married so she can move out? Is anyone else seeing a lot of red flags?
Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
The granddaughter needs to move in with a family that doesn't believe in having litters instead of children.
GirlFriday 9 months ago
I am the youngest of 13 children so I didn't have any younger siblings, but my parents never had my brothers watch me for more than a few minutes (can you watch your sister while I run downstairs and change the laundry over) until I was old enough to fend for myself - like when I was about 8 and it was an hour after school. My aunt, on the other hand, had five children and her oldest raised the other four. Her and my mother used to fight about my cousin, at 11 years old, getting up for midnight feedings.
Emily Skrobiszewski 9 months ago
We had this happen with my cousin's kids making their younger siblings babysit while they partied. It's just so not right in any way shape or form. Those are your babies, take care of your child and let those siblings and older children live their lives. I'm not saying don't ask them to help out in a pinch, but don't just assume or designated. That is not their child!!!!!
Earthquake903 9 months ago
As a child, from the age of 9 I took over most of the household chores and began looking after my younger sister a few years after that. It did not go well. Take your granddaughter and help her out.
Rita Wilson 9 months ago
Ask the Dugger girls how they liked having younger siblings assigned for them to basically raise
Rita Wilson 9 months ago
Ask the Duggar girls how they felt having several younger siblings to take care of
Veronica Dunn Sloan 9 months ago
If the mother is so tired then she needs to get her tubes burned and stop having babies. It is NOT a 16 year old to take care of her siblings. Grandmother get her out of there by any means necessary. Please get her out
tori Ohno 9 months ago (edited)
Soft YTA. Sending those kids into the foster system isn't the way to go. Good intentions, but bad e x e c u t i o n of those intentions. Just offer to take the girl in, if they say no (of course they will) you take it to family court. Tell them ahead of time that they'll lose because parentification is considered abuse. Hopefully they'll back down and hand her over. But, they'll go after the next kid in line. Keep an eye on them.
Debbie 9 months ago
This,Cps is a drastic measure and you don't want these kids ending up in foster care, you want the parents to parent. So offer the 16yo a place in your home so the parents have to parent.
Load More Replies... Olga Hernandez 9 months ago
I feel for that 16 yr old girl. I was one myself that had the obligation to take care of my younger siblings because my mom was a single mother and worked at night. Believe me it was NOT fun! My mom couldn’t afford a babysitter and needed to work but it was still a big responsibility and overwhelming for me.
Claire Ferguson 9 months ago
My older children are 19 and 16, younger children are 6 and 3 months. The older boys help a little with the baby but would never expect them to get up with him in the middle of the night, that mine or their dad's job, they have school and college in the morning.
Leslie Agans Bilotta 9 months ago
Teaching your daughter “responsibility” is ONE thing-folding laundry, etc. it’s not HER job to take over when YOU wanted more kids! Get your lazy a*s out of bed! You have taught her the opposite. She’s looking for HER WAY OUT! She is 16 and A LOT on her plate! Grades, college forms, a PT job for her OWN MONEY- not yours! Teens need their sleep! Big time. Yes. She SHOULD move to her grandmoms. Every one of your kids will eventually move in! 1by1 ! You want babies? Take care of them!
Emily Ly 9 months ago
A 16 year old wants to get pregnant just so she can leave home. Thats not okay. At all. When I read the title I was expecting something like expecting the 16 year old to babysit occasionally for date nights or when they occasionally had to work late. But to essentially make her do all night time care for babies that aren't hers is insane.
Serah Loeffel Roberts 9 months ago
My friend was eldest of nine children. His mom then decided to move bedbound grandma in and made it clear he had to look after the younger kids. He was 17 years old. He decided enlisting in the Navy and serving a tour in Vietnam was preferable to his home situation. Now he is unmarried and childless because of being parentified at an early age.
RM Ker 9 months ago
The mother in this scenario was being a*****e. I was an Early Start teacher for 16 years, saw terrible abuse happening to infants & toddlers & not one time did CPS respond to a report. I also haven't seen a family with more than 4 kids where significant neglect wasn't happening. Putting a 16 yo in charge of an infant endangered them both. The teen is being deprived of sleep so the selfish parents don't have to be. They are showing a severe disregard for her health and education. They are also putting that infant in danger with a sleep deprived, resentful teen. Parents who have this many kids think these are good solutions because they lack the empathy to understand how wrong it is to have that many kids to begin with. If the grandma talked to the mother first, she could have remained in the children's lives. When you see a child's life endangered, file a CPS report and callI police. Grandma should try to get custody of the teen, but the parents could do this to the next oldest child.
Vicki Mathison 9 months ago
Its ABUSE no arguments. This has been proven to be damaging to child that are made to be a parent to a sibling. stop having >3 kids
MaKayla Roberts 9 months ago
Im not sure what state you are in but I'm pretty sure by law she is old enough to be emancipated and choose where and with whom she wants to live. Go to your granddaughter either by having lunch with her at the school or something and ask her if you willing to put her up till she gets on her own feet although I would hope you would allow her to stay with you till after graduation at least... anyways ask her if she would be interested in staying with you so she can focus on school and her life and future. Please don't give up on helping her. I feel like if you could have handled the situation more delicately you would have although I'm going off of what info you have given.... I don't know how often you have been going over to help your daughter but until you can help better the situation. I recommend trying to make amends as best as you can for your granddaughters sake atleast until you can get her out of there and go help as often as you can to alleviate the situation for them all.
Molly Harris 9 months ago (edited)
These people need to learn what birth control is. All of them. The grandmother should've, the mother DEFINITELY shouldve( and 11 month old AND a newborn??),and the 16 year old. Ridiculous.
Lululoohoo 9 months ago
i don't agree with going to CPS right off the bat, but I agree with the scentiment. That child should NOT be waking up for the "night shift" that's bull. The parents are lazy & need a reality check
Jenn Green 9 months ago
I think a 16 yo does benefit from responsibility around the house or getting a part time job, but expecting this young girl to care for her siblings on the night shift is extremely irresponsible of these parents. She should be sleeping as well so she can function during the day at school. It's obvious it's overwhelming this young girl because she is contemplating getting married or having her own child, as a means to move away and get out of these responsibilities. As the grandmother, I would talk to her and support her. Yes inviting her to visit several nights a week or maybe even having her move in could be a solution. This young girl needs to know someone has her back. Maybe trying to have a conversation with your grand daughter and her parents could be an option. If they are not willing, maybe a family counselor could help? At 16, the law allows a child of this age, to see a counselor with the parents knowledge or permission. Then at some point, there could be a family session.
Annie McCoppin 9 months ago
I agree that what the mother is putting on her 16 yo is wrong. CPS can be very intense and traumatic, though. It's hard to get them back out of your life and it will always be on record and can be used against you in the future. It's a very permanent stain. CPS was extreme.
Jake Hayes 9 months ago
Not enough info to decide. 1, get off your highhorse and help your daughter 2, talk to grandaughter, have her talk to mom about her feelings and stuff. YMA [you major a....] for calling in CPS, possibly tearing apart family, "Making a mountain out of a molehill". You ...... lucky daughter still talks to you
Pittsburgh rare 9 months ago
Lol, the YTAs with "sHe'S ExHaUsTeD, ShE juST hAd a BaBY". You know how she wouldn't be exhausted? Not having so many babies. You push 'em, you parents raise them.
Sue Kelley 9 months ago
Granddaughter doesn’t like taking care of little sibs st night so she thinking about getting PREGNANT? She does realize she’d have 24/7 responsibilities then? I’m not saying the parents are right at all but calling CPS was a d**k move, grandma. If older siblings having sone responsibility for younger ones was an actionable offense, those 19 kids and counting people would have had regular dates with a social worker rather than cluttering up the tv for all those years. CPS is over worked and understaffed and unfortunately there’s a lack of supervision and consistent management that means some people get yanked into court because their 14 year old got mad she couldn’t date a 25 year old and made something for CPS, or a parent (gasp) let their kid play in the front yard alone while other get a pass until their kid ends up in the hospital or the morgue. And just like APS once you get involved they have a tendency to keep popping in for “checks”. Do you just hate your daughter?
Allison Miller 9 months ago
I believe in older siblings helping but only during normal operating hours. Night shift belongs to Mom and Dad. Grandma should have awakened the parents not CPS.
StrangeOne 9 months ago (edited)
I kind of wonder why, if the grandma heard the baby crying, she didn't go tend to the baby for the mother, instead of going to make herself a cup of tea. I guess she's from that era of "letting the baby cry back to sleep"? She even gets all pouty about the idea of sleeping on the couch. She doesn't like driving in the rain? She practically invited herself to stay the night, by no choice of the family. I do agree the 16 year old should not be the one on "night shift duty". I was a teen mom, so of course I was the one having to get up every time my baby cried, and i remember how hard that was and the pain of sleep deprivation. Teenagers need their sleep more than even they know. But calling CPS? Nah. Now her kids are at risk of the trauma of being split up and placed in the foster system, where her babies are not going to be given any emotional and physical affection. I say ESH, except the grandkids.
Captaindolly_767 1 week ago
There was an episode of Supernanny where the two older sisters were completely responsible for all the household chores and taking care of their young siblings even though the parents were fully capable of taking over when they got home from work. The two daughters did it all and both of them were in online school and were failing because their siblings demanded their attention. They even put their siblings to bed every night. One thing I noticed is that one of the sisters was stick thin and was pale and had dark circles under her eyes. When Jo was going over how things were going to be from then on this sister passed out. Of course no ambulance came but the mother did take her to the family doctor who said she was exhausted and needed to rest. One thing that made me angry on top of all of this was how the dad treated the oldest children like c**p. Nothing they did was good enough. Honestly I would not be surprised if everything went back to the old way after Jo left.
Jenna T 4 weeks ago (edited)
NTA for objecting to the situation, but it wasn't a good idea to run tattling to CPS. Not all social workers are reasonable people who do their jobs in good faith. They might have drawn one who decided to take ALL the kids because "there are two babies who'll be super-easy to adopt out and we get extra funding for that. And no, grandma can't have them - she's too old."
Jenna T 4 weeks ago
NTA for objecting to this behavior, but it was wrong to go straight for tattling to CPS. That plan could have backfired spectacularly - what if the social worker had decided to take ALL the kids because "she has two babies that'll be easy to adopt and we need the extra funding"?
Rebecca Joan 1 month ago
She definitely overreacted, and probably should’ve discussed it a little bit more. But obviously CPS didn’t find that there was anything wrong with it so she should’ve just minded her own business.
TCW Sam Vimes 2 months ago
Parentification is a***e, and giving a 16yo responsibility to care for a NEWBORN is insanity
Shaena N. Spencer 2 months ago
Absolutely disgusting! I NEVER asked my teen to help out during the night maybe a lil during the day but night is my job as a parent! Mom n Dad are in bed too much all them d**n kids they can't (obviously) take care of. Wonder when the next one is coming....poor kid she should leave. Go to Grandma's house and I bet court will let the teen decide. At 16 they have a day. Daughter is a horrible parent.
Katisha Day 9 months ago (edited)
Holy c**p this is wild. Has anyone ever heard "It takes a village to raise a child!" My husband and I have 6 children 19-4 yo. I had 5 sisters growing up and we where poor my older sister had alot to do with my up bringing I did not understand it then but I do now and so does she and she wouldn't change the fact that she did do so much that should be on the parent. My older daughters help with my young kids. We are a family and it takes all of us helping each other and one day when my daughters have babies and small children I will be there to help them, my younger children will be there to help them because we are family and it's the circle of life. Now this mom just had a baby she might have had her tubs tied so she don't have anymore planned or unplanned pregnancy's but it is very painful. I do not necessarily think it's the teenagers place to take on night duty but Idk their family's dynamics but I'm praying for them as a whole.
El Noriega 9 months ago
As the oldest sibling who cared for all her parents and younger sibling don't let her get stuck in that they had them there should care for them
lazy dragon 9 months ago
Im glad i live in a state where grandparents don’t have rights ! She was interfering where she had no right.
Joe Smith 9 months ago
CPS is next level terrible. You don't call CPS for things like this. Asking your teenager to help out with the other kids is not illegal or immoral. No one was in danger or being abused, so to level a threat of havbing the state snatch your grandkids from YOUR OWN CHILDREN is about as bad as it gets in my book. There are so many other options to explore before you go doing dirty rat things like that. I'd never talk to my mom again if she did that to me. It's a vindictive thing to do. It's mean spirited. CPS is for dangerous situations, not inconvenient ones. The people that agree with this person have clearly lived lives that did not include CPS. If you've ever dealt with them or know someone who has, you know what I mean. That is next level petiness and just terrible behavior. We live in a society where we think "its all about me" and pretend like they don't have to do things that inconvenience them just because "individualism." Grandma is obfuscating the truth here, im sure.
Kayla Reeves 9 months ago
I agree that the 16 y/o shouldn't be having to do late shifts taking care of babies, but I 100 percent do not agree with calling CPS. Not unless there was wayyy more going on. I would never speak to my mother/ mil again
Alicia Merino 9 months ago
A 16 year old should NOT take the.night shift.for her parents.choice to have another baby. She should be.focusing on school, future, etc....
Ervin Conn 9 months ago
Some people need to learn that it is a v****a not a clown car. Family reunions must look like Mets stadium with a rival game going on. Grandaughter wants to continue the trend? Starting at 16?
Misty Almasi 9 months ago
If a family member ever called CPS on me they would never speak to me or my children again. There is no forgiveness for this. I worked as a CPS investigator. One false allegation can ruin careers and tear families apart.
Sarah Jan Kelly 9 months ago
To preface I’m NOT defending the parents. 16 year old should be focused on sleep and school, not raising the baby her parents chose to have. That said, I’m not the biggest fan of grandmother’s attempt to address the issue. CPS isn’t equipped to handle something like this. They straight up said they couldn’t do anything, and they can barely handle situations well when there’s much clearer physical abuse and severe neglect. If grandmother really wanted to improve things she would have been better off trying to talk to her daughter first, offering to let 16 year old stay with her, or even just helping with the baby to give the kid a break. (No it’s not RIGHT that grandmother would need to do that, but being effective is sometimes more important than being right.) P.s. I know adults are responsible for their own decisions and it’s not always the fault of bad parenting, but if I were the grandmother I would be questioning how I raised a daughter who would become such a bad mom.
The Goo King 9 months ago
Pretty sure this is fake, but if not, they appear to be trying to singlehandedly reverse the population declines in the western hemisphere.
Nitka Tsar 9 months ago
Contemplating having a baby to escape the responsibility for another baby is a bit weird. I don‘t know, but something seams odd. The 16 year old sounds a bit like she tries to manipulate grandma. But, of course, I don‘t know all the angles and I do have a vivid imagination, so
Michael 9 months ago
My thoughts on the article. If i can got through basic training for the national guard to be a soldier at 16. A girl can watch a baby her baby sibling. You netizens are just created new ways to abuse people. Victims and honestly it is really crazy. This whole your not an adult until your 18. It is just plan stupid. Drop the age of everything and start holding teen accountable like they were adults. They are not children anymore. Stop giving them a second decade of treating them like they are.
Carol Grimes 9 months ago
Total betrayal to your daughter in her moat vulnerable time of need. You said you were there to help and then made her life a living he'll. If you were concerned about your grandchildren, you should have gotten a lot more info before involving CPS. You don't live there and you don't know how often mom and dad are asking her to help like this, but you were out of line jumping to conclusions and I would go no contact if I had this happen to me.
Carol Grimes 9 months ago
To call cps after this one instance without really any sufficient evidence that this isn't a once in a while thing, is an absolute betrayal to your daughter. The woman has 5 kids and just gave birth a week prior? And then you go over to "help", and instead open a can of worms with cps and you only WONDER if you went too far? I would have felt so betrayed by my mother and I would have gone no contact. It's great you want to help protect your granddaughter, but you definitely should have felt the situation out better first if you thought your daughters behavior was so abusive or neglectful, you needed to involve CPS.
Luiza NP 9 months ago
Grandma MASSIVELY overreacted. It is THE FIRST WEEK of a newborn and there is another baby (11m) in the house. Nowhere was said that it would be a permanent arrangement. Should have talked to the parents, offered to help before doing something só drastic and risky .
Pittsburgh rare 9 months ago
Or they could just... not popping babies one right after another. She woke up to a baby crying but the parents didn't? Wow
Load More Replies... R Ray 9 months ago
YTA. Mind the business that pays you lady. Your daughter was correct, those are HER children. You get the boot and good riddance.
R N L Wash Club & Supreme Detailing 9 months ago
Being a family means everyone pitches in and cares for each other. Taking care of each other is learned. Calling helping with your family parentification or abuse is not normal or ok. Calling parents breeders, telling teenagers to leave their family for being asked to help, when I'm sure when she's in her mom's situation her family and siblings will be there for her. It was a gross overreaction from the grandmother. Grandma tearing up a family and taking the 16 year old away from her parents and siblings to end up alone with no support or place in her family... which in this life she will need is disgusting. I had several friends go live with grandparents as teenagers and they turned out horrible. People want to run to weaker adults to take more control, especially teenagers. It's not good for them. Not good results. Put in effort. A 16 year old is almost considered an adult in our society, her mother is right to prepare her or show her how life of an adult woman can be and help her
8g2pcwy2z7 9 months ago
If that were my mother I would never speak to her again. She needs to mind her own business. These people saying taking the 16 year old girl that would be up to her and I am sure she would never go.
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