Racism is not okay, even in joke form. Unfortunately, not everyone gets that and thinks it’s just harmless fun, even though it’s directed at someone specific. Case in point, redditor Kaiizooku shared a story about how her sister kept being racist to her boyfriend of Korean descent and thought it was no big deal. Well, the woman banned her sister from her and her partner Jae’s wedding. However, such a huge decision obviously had a ripple effect on her family and now she’s feeling conflicted. So she turned to the r/AITA subreddit and asked for their verdict on whether she was in the right or completely out of line. You’ll find Kaiizooku’s full story below, dear Pandas.

In an exclusive interview with Bored Panda, redditor Kaiizooku told us all about what has happened ever since her post on Reddit and shared her real name, Amelia Castro-Jeong. The wonderful news is that she and her partner finally got married on April 19, so a very huge congratulations to the couple from our team. “We are planning to have a baby. We’re only going to start once the pandemic is gone or at least gone enough so we can start a family in a healthy environment. I am very excited,” she opened up.

Meanwhile, half-Asian British stand-up comedian and comedy writer Ariane Sherine spoke to Bored Panda about jokes, racism, and the link between the two. “Humor defuses a situation, so if you claim ‘oh, it’s only a joke, I didn’t mean it’ then it often acts as a kind of mitigating factor. But of course, racist jokes are harmful and offensive.” You’ll find Bored Panda’s interview with both Amelia and Ariane below, so be sure to read on.

Amelia shared how she and her sister fell out after she couldn’t stop making racist jokes about her boyfriend who is of Asian descent

Image credits: James Bold (not the actual photo)

The redditor posted an update to the story

Image credits: kaiizooku

Amelia told Bored Panda that emotionally it was very difficult at first when she finally told her sister that she wouldn’t be coming to the wedding at all. “I was conflicted between feeling relieved and happy for my Love and at the same time I was angry and a bit saddened by the fact that with this action, my relationship with my sister would forever be tainted,” she said.

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According to Amelia, despite everything that her sister did, she also had good memories of her and had to “suppress any thoughts that told me I was horrible.” She’s not ready to forgive or even see her sister until she comes forward and apologizes to her husband. She also doesn’t plan to forgive her sister until her husband accepts the apology. “If he doesn’t, I don’t. So in short, I feel like a huge burden has been removed from us and our relationship feels even more healthy, so I feel amazing.”

The original poster of the story, Amelia, shared that her family is mixed Caucasian and Hispanic. “I have some Hispanic characteristics but my sister and parents don’t,” she said, pointing out that they mostly only encountered white people growing up. “The whole time, if my sister ‘jokingly’ said racist stuff, it was only towards people we saw on TV, and my parents weren’t offended, laughed with her. So I think that’s why she thought it was a normal thing to say, and that it was actually very funny, harmless. She was conditioned in thinking she was in the right. But I still think she knew deep down that what she was doing was wrong, just never wanted to address it.”

Amelia and the love of her life actually decided to advance the wedding day and changed the location (“for safety measures”) after her post and the discussion it created on Reddit. “We had a small but very charming wedding outside, in a lovely forest, with all his family (who are all very nice and extremely kind people) and some of mine (mostly friends, grandparents, and cousins),” she shared with Bored Panda.

The couple advanced the day of the wedding and are now happily married!

Image credits: Jai Kumar (not the actual photo)

Amelia’s mother didn’t show up at the wedding either

However, Amelia’s mother didn’t show up at the wedding. “She told me a day before the wedding that she still believed I was too harsh with my sister and felt bad that she couldn’t come. So I told her not to come either. Only my dad went, who is way more open-minded. I was upset my mother couldn’t be here but it didn’t matter, my dad was amazing with my in-laws and I had a wonderful father-daughter dance. My Love was happy all along, we had a wonderful time, a delicious meal and a fun night! I feel like a dream came true.”

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The newlyweds couldn’t go on their honeymoon yet because of the continued global pandemic. “We’re saving our money for later and enjoying the first married days, just the both of us, in our home. I couldn’t be happier!”

Jokes that incite hatred aren’t jokes

London-based comedian Ariane said that one example of comedy being racist and harmful is looking at the output of the late British comic Bernard Manning. He “used to say, ‘I’m not racist, I make jokes about everyone,’ but if your jokes incite racial hatred, they aren’t jokes,” Ariane told Bored Panda.

The British comedian opened up to us that she personally hasn’t had to deal with racist jokes. However, she has had to deal with a lot of hurtful jokes because she’s plus-sized. “But that’s not in the same league as the above.”

According to Ariane, if you’ve got a good comeback to a racist joke, you should “go for it,” however, you should also keep yourself safe. “Don’t square up to thugs and put yourself in danger.”

Here’s how the r/AITA community reacted to the redditor’s tale

Violence and racism against Asian Americans have been on the rise since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic last year. One of the most harrowing examples of this was the March 16th shootings in Atlanta that left eight people dead, including six women of Asian American descent. Meanwhile, PBS reports that Asian American businesses are “reeling” from hate and violence across the United States, as they’re being blamed for the coronavirus pandemic.

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And here’s what some other people have been saying about the entire situation online

Overwhelmingly, the AITA community said that redditor Kaiizooku did the right thing, even if the situation’s a sensitive one. However, there’s no excuse for what the redditor’s sister kept saying. Repeatedly. Despite being told it’s hurtful and that she needs to stop.

The redditor mentioned in an update that one of the reasons why she confronted her sister was that she didn’t want any racist comments about her children in the future. She also plans to be more assertive in the future.

After reading through the AITA community’s responses, Kaiizooku officially decided that her sister is “definitely not going” to her and Jae’s wedding.

“As well as our married life, as long as she doesn’t apologize and set things right, she’s not allowed near my family. My Love is happy and relieved with that decision too, which is the most important part for me,” she wrote in an update that despite her previously close relationship with her sister, she won’t budge until she apologizes and promises to change.

“I’ve also talked to my parents, as recommended, and told them that if they believed she was innocent or had the same point of [view] as her, they weren’t welcome as well. They told me they don’t, so I’m allowing them but keeping an open eye, just in case, since I’m still mad at them for siding with her in the first place,” she wrote on Reddit.

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