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79
“You Can’t Blame ‘Feminism’ On This One”: Woman Shocked Lonely Friend Rejected Her
Building up the courage to ask someone out is never easy. Fear of rejection might be holding you back, as well as the risk of permanently altering your relationship with that person. If it doesn’t work out, will you feel awkward every time the two of you have to work on a project together or hang out with mutual friends?
One woman followed the internet’s advice and decided that the risk was worth the reward when asking out her best friend. But she found herself frustrated and confused when he wasn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Below, you’ll find the full story that she recently detailed on Reddit, as well as some of the replies readers shared.
RELATED:
This woman recently realized how lonely many Gen Z men are
Image credits: katchanatsarin/Envato (not the actual photo)
But when she took a risk by asking out her best friend, things didn’t go as she expected
Image credits: benzoix/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Present-Elephant-575
Later, the woman responded to several readers and shared more details about her situation
It’s natural for people to have preferences when it comes to dating
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
When you’ve been in a committed relationship for years, it’s easy to forget how challenging dating can be. Finding someone who you’re attracted to that matches your energy and wants the same things in life can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. And dating has been particularly difficult for the younger generations.
According to the BBC, three quarters of Gen Z are single. And Financial Times reports that a whopping 90% of Zoomers are fed up with dating apps. But many of these young adults are hesitant to make the first move.
A survey from OKCupid found that Gen Zers are 18% more likely than Millennials to wait for one of their matches to ask them out. Millennials also don’t waste any time getting out on dates, as they’re 20% more likely than the younger generation to ask someone out within 1 to 2 days of matching.
But there can be many factors at play when it comes to what’s holding Gen Z back from dating. And in this particular story, having a specific “type” might be part of what’s keeping this man from getting a girlfriend.
Licensed clinical psychologist Betsy Chung, PsyD, explained to Women’s Health that a “type” is a “a group of traits or characteristics that [someone] might typically be drawn to in terms of selecting a romantic partner.”
As far as where these preferences come from, Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton, says that our types are caused by external factors including a person’s environment, their culture, the media and the people around them.
But strictly sticking to your “type” isn’t always the best way to find love
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
So your type is often based on the beauty standards of wherever you’re from. It’s also possible that you’ll think your type is what you’re surrounded by because those kinds of people are available to you. But if you had the opportunity to seek elsewhere and think outside the box, you might be even more attracted to someone else.
And there’s nothing inherently wrong with having a “type.” We all have preferences when dating, and it’s natural to want to find a partner that enjoys the same hobbies as you, also lives an active lifestyle or listens to the same genre of music. But Suwinyattichaiporn warns that it’s not always healthy to rigidly stick to dating within your type.
You might enter new relationships because they remind you of an old one, which can make them seem comfortable at first. But you have to remember that those previous relationships didn’t work out for a reason. And it might actually be better to open yourself up to new dating opportunities that can allow you to build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Finally, another factor at play in this story is rejection. The author understandably felt upset about being turned down, but rejection is a natural part of dating that we all experience. After being rejected, CNBC recommends taking a beat to reflect and try to look at the situation honestly. Clearly, the two of you weren’t meant to be. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your character or your physical appearance.
Be kind to yourself when dealing with rejection, and resist the urge to compare yourself to anyone else. And remember to surround yourself with people who love and support you. Having people in your corner who you love spending time with is what you need; a romantic relationship isn’t a necessity.
Readers had mixed opinions, as some agreed that the man has unrealistic expectations and others noted that he’s allowed to have preferences
Poll Question
How do you perceive the idea of having 'out of your league' expectations in dating?
It's unrealistic and unhelpful.
Everyone's entitled to their preferences.
It can lead to loneliness.
Sometimes aspirations motivate self-improvement.
Sets you up for disappointment.
A societal construct, not real.
Can hinder finding genuine connections.
It's a personal belief that varies by individual.
Focusing on mutual compatibility is better.
Everyone's 'league' changes over time.
What do you think ?
ToGo 1 month ago (edited)
A lot of people in the replies (of the post, EDIT: and here on BP, it seems) are missing her point, I see. OP isn't saying "He should be grateful and take what he can get", she's saying she realised that he's not miserable and lonely, he's pining after 'hot' women and moaning because he can't have them - despite never trying. She's saying this so-called epidemic is brought on by themselves - I believe that's true for most. This guy OP is talking about has got himself fixated on a very specific type of woman, one that puts on a show for her followers, a fantasy - unattainable - if he was so sad and lonely and looking for a genuine connection, would he not give one date a try? At the very least would he not be happy to know that he is fancyable and in turn be polite in turning her down? Rather than mocking her and telling their mutual friends. I hope she dumps him as a friend, he doesn't sound like a nice person. EDIT: To clarify, I wondered if the guy could've seen potential in OP seeing as they're already friends but even if they weren't to date the guy shouldn't have mocked her. I don't think people should feel forced to date anyone ever. Didn't think that was what folk were going to squeeze out of what I said.
SirWriteALot 1 month ago
You can only judge the guy OP is talking about by what the OP is telling us about him. His reasons etc. are all interpretation of this girl who got a "no".
Je souhaite 1 month ago
Not that different from women swooning over Orlando Bloom everyone has unrealistic fantasy partners that they would like to have
ToGo 1 month ago
It's different in the sense that people can communicate with and send gifts/donations to the streamers. It gives a sense of false hope, allows the fantasy to appear somewhat attainable. Let's folk think a romance is even slightly possible when it isn't. People, generally speaking, know they won't ever communicate with Orlando Bloom.
jessica r 1 month ago
I'm tired of the "Ohhh we poor men would DIE for a woman to take initiative, we would date a TREE if it'd ask us out" narrative. It's simply b******t. No one, man or woman, is obliged to date someone. But STOP pretending women never get rejected.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
I didn't know that was a narrative. I wouldn't date a tree if it asked me out. I would probably ask my doctor to change my medication. But seriously though, I don't think anybody owes anybody else a relationship. This is true for men and women. Does this dude have unreasonable expectations? Maybe. I find the whole concept of leagues a bit dehumanizing. But at 5'9" and 160lbs, she's in much better shape than the average American. And yes, the language she uses makes me think she's American. In the US the average height for men is 5'10", so dude is probably just insecure about his height. Also, a 25 year old virgin who COMPLAINS about being a virgin is a whole host of red flags in my opinion. But I don't think the issue is that he rejected her. It was his behavior afterward. Mocking her to their mutual friends is just cruel. She's a young, educated woman, in great shape, and she can do a lot better than this choad.
Captive 1 month ago
Does he have to accept you because he is single and Virgin? No. You got rejected and that hurts, so what. We all went through that. He doesn't want you and he doesn't have to, deal with it. No need to bring in feminism or whatever
Bernd Herbert 1 month ago
Yeah, I found the whole notion of "he didn't want yo date me, so he can't be that desperate" pretty weird. And quite appalling!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
His "type" is Pokimane? LOL. "My type is an e-girl streamer whose entire personality is curated and fake, designed to get the maximum number of viewers. She has a team of staff members who work on her appearance, wardrobe, hair, and makeup. Every single thing she says and does is designed to market her as a literal product on stream." I don't have an inherent issue with Pokimane (she's not Amouranth, at least) but when someone says their "type" is Pokimane (or any other streamer)... that's not a "type". That's a fantasy. That's not a real person. They're playing a character onscreen, just like any other actress.
Earonn - 1 month ago
Don't forget, this comes from the rejected girl that is upset that a guy who is single and doesn't like it dares to refuse her! I don't doubt that he at some point said he liked Pokimane's look - and 80% of us straight ladies swoon over Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hiddleston.
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Sarah Jan Kelly 1 month ago
But most would never tell a man we were rejecting him because he doesn’t look like a celebrity.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
Reading comprehension has absolutely bonkered in my lifetime. "I don't doubt that he AT SOME POINT said he liked P's look". Implying that it was NOT said when OP claimed it was, during the rejection, but her just being hurt over the rejection and lashing out. Your response to that is "ya but women wouldn't do that". You do see how badly you suck as a person for that one, yes??
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
No, I understand that, but still, at least Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are real people. Saying your "type" is Pokimane is akin to saying "my type is Loki" or "my type is Dr. Strange" - those are characters, just as Pokimane's online persona is a character. Perhaps you're right and OP lied entirely about her guy friend saying "my type is more like Pokimane" - but in that case, it's OP who is delusional rather than the guy friend. The concepts of my original comment still stand, in that case XD
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
TBF, I would happily be in a Loki/Dr Strange sandwich. I'm wondering if she meant manga rather than pokemon because there are females out there who are rocking that look. Ok, most are rocking, some need more practice.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Kat - Pokimane, not Pokemon :) Pokimane is a streamer. Her real name is Imane Anys. I used to watch a lot of OfflineTV (the streamer "group" that Pokimane is a part of) back in like 2018-2019.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
LOL! This kid wants to fk a Pikachu, but not his girlfriend! Hahahahaha
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
You don't think Cumberbatch or Hiddleston are characters, with scripted approaches to every single word they have ever uttered on camera? If everyone around you is delusional, maybe they are in the true reality and you are the deluded one.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Uh, they're actors who play characters. They "sell" their acting talents, that's how they make money. Pokimane is a streamer whose entire online presence IS what she sells. It's a curated persona. Hiddleston and Cumberbatch may have certain ways they behave in all of their interviews, etc., but it is their acting skills they sell, not a falsified front/persona that is presented every time they're not actually playing a character onscreen. Though, on that note, I've heard that no one knows what Tom Hardy's "real" accent sounds like...
Secret Squirrel 1 month ago
"thanks but you aren't my type" is just about the kindest way to reject an advance in a clear way. OP needs to learn to respect no. You're never entitled to date someone, even if you think it's a good idea. Consent takes all parties. And she started from a place of looking down on her friend, everyone deserves better than someone who thinks you can't do any better.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
It sounds like he was trying to let her down easy. You're not my type is a firm no, but not an insult (depending on how you say it). She won't ask again, but doesn't necessarily destroy a friendship. Chemistry is important, just because someone wants a girl friend, doesn't mean any girl is a good choice. He may well have unrealistic standards, but that's ok. Some people wait for their perfect match, and are happier doing that than dating. If you're lonely, there are plenty of other options rather than dating. And if you're not in good place to date, don't. OP sounds like a piece of work and her friends dodged a bullet.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
ESH - her for not realising that if you have known a guy for months and you are both still single, you're in the friend zone. Him for his borderline incel reaction. Time to realise this friendship just ran it's course because he didn't need to be cruel about it.
Hidalgo 1 month ago
Great point. A ‘no thanks’ or ‘not right now’ would have been fine. No need to dickweed out
Load More Replies... Secret Squirrel 1 month ago
Not right now leaves thinga ambiguous, she might keep pursuing him in the future. And sadly no without a reason is often not good enough. Look how she is still arguing even with a solid reason! if it's a no, not my type is really the best way. They both sound like they've spent far too much time in incel spaces.
Susie Elle 1 month ago
I wish we would drop the x/10 scale thing, like, what is that even all about? Some people just want a partner to strut around, which is why some men are only after influencer-type women (and some women looking for the typical 6-foot whatever guy). These people are after validation, not partnership. If they moan about loneliness, they're actually moaning about not getting their validation from people who aren't interested in them, regardless of who looks better than whom (or, who is a 10/10 and who a 6/10 - who even decides this??). Leave them be in their moaning. They have an obsession with outward appearance because that's all they have to offer, and even there they're lacking. I do want to add that; just because someone is lonely, doesn't mean they don't get tot have preferences. "Don't moan you're lonely if you reject my advances" - this doesn't hold up.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
You were doing alright pretending to send a message, and then your random rage popped out... These imaginary people are after validation, are obsessed with outward appearance, AND they're ugly? Maybe, just maybe, some men only go after women they are attracted to? Sure, they might have unrealistic standards of attraction, but why is that our problem? Just let people like that live with rejection. Instead of going out of our way to insult imaginary strangers
David 1 month ago
People like that are people who dont want an actual relationship, they want their fantasy, and they get angry at why they are incels who cant find love. These are the people that keep OF girls flush with cash. His friends sound that same
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Really hard to tell which one you're describing in the first sentence, but either way, I agree.
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Romy Rösli 1 month ago
OP is the female version of a nice guy and incel. The guy may have unrealistic expectations, but he is not at all obligated to date just any woman asking him out. At one point in my life I (female) was single for several years. I am only average looking and sometimes a bit awkward so I would not be asked out on dates very often. Still I didn’t date just any guy. I needed to feel at least some attraction and connection.
Lyoness 1 month ago
I agree with OP's view that her friend is focused on the unattainable without doing anything about it, that's definitely an issue. However, she needs to be mindful of the "I did everything right and he still said no" mindset. No one is obligated to go out with you because you did something nice for them. He said no, and no is a complete answer, just as it would be if the sexes were reversed. It's sad she was rejected but he isn't attracted to her. His mocking her wasn't ok, but she needs to accept it isn't going to happen and move on.
Yo Fako 1 month ago
I hope op doesn't take the rejection as indicative of all or even most men. My wife has always been heavier than me (and I'm not small) and she has never worn makeup except on our wedding day. I've never cared. She's hot af and has a whip smart, badass personality and I wouldn't trade her for anything. It's terrible that he and his friends made fun of her, but they're ultimately full of ish
JD 1 month ago
One of the Collective Illustions we have as a society is this idea that you must be model-perfect for love. It persists as an illusion because we don't talk about it. I never expected anyone I dated to be model perfect. In fact, some of those hotties are sad, body fascists. Even the ones who seem to be 10/10 have a bag of things they hate about themselves. A lot of attractive people are also very neurotic because of it. Not everyone is attracted by looks, or looks a lone. For me, looks might get my attention, but if that's all you have, you won't keep it. My husband is cute, but he's also very very smart and funny. I discovered during dating that I can't be with someone who doesn't laugh at my jokes or doesn't play along with them. It's torture.
DC and S 1 month ago (edited)
It's easy. She shot her shot. It didn't work. No one owes anyone a relationship, or even a date. It DOESN'T MATTER that he complains of being lonely or has unrealistic expectations. That's HIS prerogative and his problem. Harping on him for it is sh*tty and no different than his friends harping on the thought of dating her; both are being judgemental where no judgement is needed. It's okay to be hurt and upset. But you pick up the pieces and move forward because you know that relationships take two people and not everyone out there is going to want to be your other person... No matter how lonely they may be.
Pferdchen 1 month ago
As if things aren't bad enough already, it's going to get even worse when guys start falling in love with their A.I. chatbots "whose" sole purpose is to keep them engaged with a platform and collect as much personal information about them is possible. As if guys getting obsessive about their parasocial relationships with celebrities, porn stars, onlyfans "models" and influencers isn't bad enough. I'm a late term boomer (b. 1960) who was a VERY early adopter of online technology (think dial-up FidoNet, CompuServe and Earthlink), but I've come to believe that, socially, the Internet is a pox on humanity. Yes, there are a lot of good things about being online, but there is a lot that is absolutely toxic to humanity and society.
Je souhaite 1 month ago
LOL where have you been ever heard of Realdoll.com? you can have the perfect robot woman or man for the right price
Load More Replies... Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
The internet is little more than two cups and a string so we can talk from the other room. The toxicity problem is from humans. Get rid of those things, internet would be perfect.
Miki 1 month ago
Not delving into a personality reasons, why would anyone rejected a girl just because she is 175cm tall?
Lyoness 1 month ago
Some people call it "short man syndrome" (for hetero men). It's an inherent fear that their masculinity is at risk if they date a taller woman.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Perhaps the person is shorter than her, and does not want to date someone taller than they are. Or perhaps they have a preference for shorter girls (say 5'2" or so.) I'm not saying any of these are good reasons, but they're things I've heard before. Some men seem to want a "tiny, petite" girl who is short, or perhaps the man is on the shorter side himself and feels intimidated by/jealous of a taller girl.
Miki 1 month ago (edited)
Yea I know. Just.. It's so stupid! It's only height. Maybe I can't see it because I am a bit over 1.9m, so I am almost always taller, but I dated a girl that was around 2.2m, and I can't say it was any problem to me. It's such a... Incel move.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
I agree - I'm 5'5"/1.65m (about as average as possible for a female of my race) and my ex is 5'9" - not a lot taller than me, in all honesty. I dated him from age 18 to age 42, so I didn't even realize (until more recently) that a lot of people have issues with a partner's/prospective partner's height, whether they think they're too short or too tall or have insecurities about their own height. I guess there are women who won't date a man who is under 2m tall. It never seemed like an important aspect to me, but I know it can be an important thing for others, and that's okay, as long as they don't hurt people intentionally with their preferences.
Earonn - 1 month ago
Sorry, this sounds like the "put niceness in and sex falls out" version for this girl. " I did what was told" and STILL he rejected me! How very dare he! He said he was lonely, so he has to take me!" He dodged a bullet, the same way any woman who rejects a 'nice guy' does
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
What was the point he entirely missed? That he should be happy for a nice girl because he's a virgin? That the girl is allowed to expect him to want her because he's a virgin? What point did he miss entirely? Because I'm thinking you made it up.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Pokimane is a female online streamer. Her real name is Imane Anys. She used to play computer games on stream, but now she mostly does "just chatting" streams where she talks to her viewers or talks to one of her friends/housemates on stream.
Sven Grammersdorf 1 month ago
"Pokimaine" ? "Cuffing season" ? I don't understand anything Gen Z says
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Pokimane is a 28-year-old streamer. She used to stream herself playing games back in the day, but nowadays she mostly streams her talking/chatting with other people. Her real name is Imane Anys. I have no idea what "cuffing season" is, and I'm honestly afraid to Google it XD
Aline 1 month ago
Maybe he really is holding out for an unrealistic woman, but maybe he doesn't want to share what he's really into because OP is a creep with boundary issues who think she can bully her way into a relationship. Friend probably sees she'd be a controlling AH who wants to make him feel grateful she'd even consider him. That's abuser logic 101 and I am glad he didn't fall for it, whatever his reasons.
Orange Panda 1 month ago
He didn't need to take it to their mutual friends and make fun of her for it. She was respectful and private, he could have been as well.
Load More Replies... Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
Maybe he's been trying to drop some "go away and leave me alone" hints for awhile and they aren't getting through, so he is just going the bully approach. Maybe he's just a d**k.
G A 1 month ago (edited)
He fancies POKEMON? That's a bit weird-was she going to wear a yellow felt costume?
Miki 1 month ago (edited)
"pokimane". I had to Google it too. It's a girl streamer.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Pokimane is a 28-year-old streamer. She used to stream herself playing games back in the day, but nowadays she mostly streams her talking/chatting with other people. Her real name is Imane Anys.
ToGo 1 month ago (edited)
A lot of people in the replies (of the post, EDIT: and here on BP, it seems) are missing her point, I see. OP isn't saying "He should be grateful and take what he can get", she's saying she realised that he's not miserable and lonely, he's pining after 'hot' women and moaning because he can't have them - despite never trying. She's saying this so-called epidemic is brought on by themselves - I believe that's true for most. This guy OP is talking about has got himself fixated on a very specific type of woman, one that puts on a show for her followers, a fantasy - unattainable - if he was so sad and lonely and looking for a genuine connection, would he not give one date a try? At the very least would he not be happy to know that he is fancyable and in turn be polite in turning her down? Rather than mocking her and telling their mutual friends. I hope she dumps him as a friend, he doesn't sound like a nice person. EDIT: To clarify, I wondered if the guy could've seen potential in OP seeing as they're already friends but even if they weren't to date the guy shouldn't have mocked her. I don't think people should feel forced to date anyone ever. Didn't think that was what folk were going to squeeze out of what I said.
SirWriteALot 1 month ago
You can only judge the guy OP is talking about by what the OP is telling us about him. His reasons etc. are all interpretation of this girl who got a "no".
Je souhaite 1 month ago
Not that different from women swooning over Orlando Bloom everyone has unrealistic fantasy partners that they would like to have
ToGo 1 month ago
It's different in the sense that people can communicate with and send gifts/donations to the streamers. It gives a sense of false hope, allows the fantasy to appear somewhat attainable. Let's folk think a romance is even slightly possible when it isn't. People, generally speaking, know they won't ever communicate with Orlando Bloom.
jessica r 1 month ago
I'm tired of the "Ohhh we poor men would DIE for a woman to take initiative, we would date a TREE if it'd ask us out" narrative. It's simply b******t. No one, man or woman, is obliged to date someone. But STOP pretending women never get rejected.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
I didn't know that was a narrative. I wouldn't date a tree if it asked me out. I would probably ask my doctor to change my medication. But seriously though, I don't think anybody owes anybody else a relationship. This is true for men and women. Does this dude have unreasonable expectations? Maybe. I find the whole concept of leagues a bit dehumanizing. But at 5'9" and 160lbs, she's in much better shape than the average American. And yes, the language she uses makes me think she's American. In the US the average height for men is 5'10", so dude is probably just insecure about his height. Also, a 25 year old virgin who COMPLAINS about being a virgin is a whole host of red flags in my opinion. But I don't think the issue is that he rejected her. It was his behavior afterward. Mocking her to their mutual friends is just cruel. She's a young, educated woman, in great shape, and she can do a lot better than this choad.
Captive 1 month ago
Does he have to accept you because he is single and Virgin? No. You got rejected and that hurts, so what. We all went through that. He doesn't want you and he doesn't have to, deal with it. No need to bring in feminism or whatever
Bernd Herbert 1 month ago
Yeah, I found the whole notion of "he didn't want yo date me, so he can't be that desperate" pretty weird. And quite appalling!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
His "type" is Pokimane? LOL. "My type is an e-girl streamer whose entire personality is curated and fake, designed to get the maximum number of viewers. She has a team of staff members who work on her appearance, wardrobe, hair, and makeup. Every single thing she says and does is designed to market her as a literal product on stream." I don't have an inherent issue with Pokimane (she's not Amouranth, at least) but when someone says their "type" is Pokimane (or any other streamer)... that's not a "type". That's a fantasy. That's not a real person. They're playing a character onscreen, just like any other actress.
Earonn - 1 month ago
Don't forget, this comes from the rejected girl that is upset that a guy who is single and doesn't like it dares to refuse her! I don't doubt that he at some point said he liked Pokimane's look - and 80% of us straight ladies swoon over Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hiddleston.
Load More Replies... Sarah Jan Kelly 1 month ago
But most would never tell a man we were rejecting him because he doesn’t look like a celebrity.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
Reading comprehension has absolutely bonkered in my lifetime. "I don't doubt that he AT SOME POINT said he liked P's look". Implying that it was NOT said when OP claimed it was, during the rejection, but her just being hurt over the rejection and lashing out. Your response to that is "ya but women wouldn't do that". You do see how badly you suck as a person for that one, yes??
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
No, I understand that, but still, at least Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are real people. Saying your "type" is Pokimane is akin to saying "my type is Loki" or "my type is Dr. Strange" - those are characters, just as Pokimane's online persona is a character. Perhaps you're right and OP lied entirely about her guy friend saying "my type is more like Pokimane" - but in that case, it's OP who is delusional rather than the guy friend. The concepts of my original comment still stand, in that case XD
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
TBF, I would happily be in a Loki/Dr Strange sandwich. I'm wondering if she meant manga rather than pokemon because there are females out there who are rocking that look. Ok, most are rocking, some need more practice.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Kat - Pokimane, not Pokemon :) Pokimane is a streamer. Her real name is Imane Anys. I used to watch a lot of OfflineTV (the streamer "group" that Pokimane is a part of) back in like 2018-2019.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
LOL! This kid wants to fk a Pikachu, but not his girlfriend! Hahahahaha
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
You don't think Cumberbatch or Hiddleston are characters, with scripted approaches to every single word they have ever uttered on camera? If everyone around you is delusional, maybe they are in the true reality and you are the deluded one.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Uh, they're actors who play characters. They "sell" their acting talents, that's how they make money. Pokimane is a streamer whose entire online presence IS what she sells. It's a curated persona. Hiddleston and Cumberbatch may have certain ways they behave in all of their interviews, etc., but it is their acting skills they sell, not a falsified front/persona that is presented every time they're not actually playing a character onscreen. Though, on that note, I've heard that no one knows what Tom Hardy's "real" accent sounds like...
Secret Squirrel 1 month ago
"thanks but you aren't my type" is just about the kindest way to reject an advance in a clear way. OP needs to learn to respect no. You're never entitled to date someone, even if you think it's a good idea. Consent takes all parties. And she started from a place of looking down on her friend, everyone deserves better than someone who thinks you can't do any better.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
It sounds like he was trying to let her down easy. You're not my type is a firm no, but not an insult (depending on how you say it). She won't ask again, but doesn't necessarily destroy a friendship. Chemistry is important, just because someone wants a girl friend, doesn't mean any girl is a good choice. He may well have unrealistic standards, but that's ok. Some people wait for their perfect match, and are happier doing that than dating. If you're lonely, there are plenty of other options rather than dating. And if you're not in good place to date, don't. OP sounds like a piece of work and her friends dodged a bullet.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
ESH - her for not realising that if you have known a guy for months and you are both still single, you're in the friend zone. Him for his borderline incel reaction. Time to realise this friendship just ran it's course because he didn't need to be cruel about it.
Hidalgo 1 month ago
Great point. A ‘no thanks’ or ‘not right now’ would have been fine. No need to dickweed out
Load More Replies... Secret Squirrel 1 month ago
Not right now leaves thinga ambiguous, she might keep pursuing him in the future. And sadly no without a reason is often not good enough. Look how she is still arguing even with a solid reason! if it's a no, not my type is really the best way. They both sound like they've spent far too much time in incel spaces.
Susie Elle 1 month ago
I wish we would drop the x/10 scale thing, like, what is that even all about? Some people just want a partner to strut around, which is why some men are only after influencer-type women (and some women looking for the typical 6-foot whatever guy). These people are after validation, not partnership. If they moan about loneliness, they're actually moaning about not getting their validation from people who aren't interested in them, regardless of who looks better than whom (or, who is a 10/10 and who a 6/10 - who even decides this??). Leave them be in their moaning. They have an obsession with outward appearance because that's all they have to offer, and even there they're lacking. I do want to add that; just because someone is lonely, doesn't mean they don't get tot have preferences. "Don't moan you're lonely if you reject my advances" - this doesn't hold up.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
You were doing alright pretending to send a message, and then your random rage popped out... These imaginary people are after validation, are obsessed with outward appearance, AND they're ugly? Maybe, just maybe, some men only go after women they are attracted to? Sure, they might have unrealistic standards of attraction, but why is that our problem? Just let people like that live with rejection. Instead of going out of our way to insult imaginary strangers
David 1 month ago
People like that are people who dont want an actual relationship, they want their fantasy, and they get angry at why they are incels who cant find love. These are the people that keep OF girls flush with cash. His friends sound that same
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Really hard to tell which one you're describing in the first sentence, but either way, I agree.
Load More Replies... Romy Rösli 1 month ago
OP is the female version of a nice guy and incel. The guy may have unrealistic expectations, but he is not at all obligated to date just any woman asking him out. At one point in my life I (female) was single for several years. I am only average looking and sometimes a bit awkward so I would not be asked out on dates very often. Still I didn’t date just any guy. I needed to feel at least some attraction and connection.
Lyoness 1 month ago
I agree with OP's view that her friend is focused on the unattainable without doing anything about it, that's definitely an issue. However, she needs to be mindful of the "I did everything right and he still said no" mindset. No one is obligated to go out with you because you did something nice for them. He said no, and no is a complete answer, just as it would be if the sexes were reversed. It's sad she was rejected but he isn't attracted to her. His mocking her wasn't ok, but she needs to accept it isn't going to happen and move on.
Yo Fako 1 month ago
I hope op doesn't take the rejection as indicative of all or even most men. My wife has always been heavier than me (and I'm not small) and she has never worn makeup except on our wedding day. I've never cared. She's hot af and has a whip smart, badass personality and I wouldn't trade her for anything. It's terrible that he and his friends made fun of her, but they're ultimately full of ish
JD 1 month ago
One of the Collective Illustions we have as a society is this idea that you must be model-perfect for love. It persists as an illusion because we don't talk about it. I never expected anyone I dated to be model perfect. In fact, some of those hotties are sad, body fascists. Even the ones who seem to be 10/10 have a bag of things they hate about themselves. A lot of attractive people are also very neurotic because of it. Not everyone is attracted by looks, or looks a lone. For me, looks might get my attention, but if that's all you have, you won't keep it. My husband is cute, but he's also very very smart and funny. I discovered during dating that I can't be with someone who doesn't laugh at my jokes or doesn't play along with them. It's torture.
DC and S 1 month ago (edited)
It's easy. She shot her shot. It didn't work. No one owes anyone a relationship, or even a date. It DOESN'T MATTER that he complains of being lonely or has unrealistic expectations. That's HIS prerogative and his problem. Harping on him for it is sh*tty and no different than his friends harping on the thought of dating her; both are being judgemental where no judgement is needed. It's okay to be hurt and upset. But you pick up the pieces and move forward because you know that relationships take two people and not everyone out there is going to want to be your other person... No matter how lonely they may be.
Pferdchen 1 month ago
As if things aren't bad enough already, it's going to get even worse when guys start falling in love with their A.I. chatbots "whose" sole purpose is to keep them engaged with a platform and collect as much personal information about them is possible. As if guys getting obsessive about their parasocial relationships with celebrities, porn stars, onlyfans "models" and influencers isn't bad enough. I'm a late term boomer (b. 1960) who was a VERY early adopter of online technology (think dial-up FidoNet, CompuServe and Earthlink), but I've come to believe that, socially, the Internet is a pox on humanity. Yes, there are a lot of good things about being online, but there is a lot that is absolutely toxic to humanity and society.
Je souhaite 1 month ago
LOL where have you been ever heard of Realdoll.com? you can have the perfect robot woman or man for the right price
Load More Replies... Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
The internet is little more than two cups and a string so we can talk from the other room. The toxicity problem is from humans. Get rid of those things, internet would be perfect.
Miki 1 month ago
Not delving into a personality reasons, why would anyone rejected a girl just because she is 175cm tall?
Lyoness 1 month ago
Some people call it "short man syndrome" (for hetero men). It's an inherent fear that their masculinity is at risk if they date a taller woman.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Perhaps the person is shorter than her, and does not want to date someone taller than they are. Or perhaps they have a preference for shorter girls (say 5'2" or so.) I'm not saying any of these are good reasons, but they're things I've heard before. Some men seem to want a "tiny, petite" girl who is short, or perhaps the man is on the shorter side himself and feels intimidated by/jealous of a taller girl.
Miki 1 month ago (edited)
Yea I know. Just.. It's so stupid! It's only height. Maybe I can't see it because I am a bit over 1.9m, so I am almost always taller, but I dated a girl that was around 2.2m, and I can't say it was any problem to me. It's such a... Incel move.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
I agree - I'm 5'5"/1.65m (about as average as possible for a female of my race) and my ex is 5'9" - not a lot taller than me, in all honesty. I dated him from age 18 to age 42, so I didn't even realize (until more recently) that a lot of people have issues with a partner's/prospective partner's height, whether they think they're too short or too tall or have insecurities about their own height. I guess there are women who won't date a man who is under 2m tall. It never seemed like an important aspect to me, but I know it can be an important thing for others, and that's okay, as long as they don't hurt people intentionally with their preferences.
Earonn - 1 month ago
Sorry, this sounds like the "put niceness in and sex falls out" version for this girl. " I did what was told" and STILL he rejected me! How very dare he! He said he was lonely, so he has to take me!" He dodged a bullet, the same way any woman who rejects a 'nice guy' does
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
What was the point he entirely missed? That he should be happy for a nice girl because he's a virgin? That the girl is allowed to expect him to want her because he's a virgin? What point did he miss entirely? Because I'm thinking you made it up.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Pokimane is a female online streamer. Her real name is Imane Anys. She used to play computer games on stream, but now she mostly does "just chatting" streams where she talks to her viewers or talks to one of her friends/housemates on stream.
Sven Grammersdorf 1 month ago
"Pokimaine" ? "Cuffing season" ? I don't understand anything Gen Z says
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Pokimane is a 28-year-old streamer. She used to stream herself playing games back in the day, but nowadays she mostly streams her talking/chatting with other people. Her real name is Imane Anys. I have no idea what "cuffing season" is, and I'm honestly afraid to Google it XD
Aline 1 month ago
Maybe he really is holding out for an unrealistic woman, but maybe he doesn't want to share what he's really into because OP is a creep with boundary issues who think she can bully her way into a relationship. Friend probably sees she'd be a controlling AH who wants to make him feel grateful she'd even consider him. That's abuser logic 101 and I am glad he didn't fall for it, whatever his reasons.
Orange Panda 1 month ago
He didn't need to take it to their mutual friends and make fun of her for it. She was respectful and private, he could have been as well.
Load More Replies... Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
Maybe he's been trying to drop some "go away and leave me alone" hints for awhile and they aren't getting through, so he is just going the bully approach. Maybe he's just a d**k.
G A 1 month ago (edited)
He fancies POKEMON? That's a bit weird-was she going to wear a yellow felt costume?
Miki 1 month ago (edited)
"pokimane". I had to Google it too. It's a girl streamer.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Pokimane is a 28-year-old streamer. She used to stream herself playing games back in the day, but nowadays she mostly streams her talking/chatting with other people. Her real name is Imane Anys.
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