This man doesn't want a person, he wants a dumb maid he can have sex with and who'll raise his children without complaining. Wanting a traditional marriage is not the same as disrespecting someone's academic achievements simply because you won't be putting it into practise. Honey, you're a smart woman and he can't handle that. He's scared you'll wisen up and leave his condescending a*s, but he KNOWS you're one of those women who doubts their own judgment at every turn because 'am I being unreasonable?'. "Am I being too harsh about these harmless jokes?" You're not being harsh enough! He's bullying you because he's scared you'll realize you don't need him in your life. There's heaps of men out there who are religious, want a traditional marriage but then WITHOUT the shaming and bullying.

That's some passive aggressive religious incel/tradwife BS (think I've used all the relevant buzzwords)

You've nearly finished your degree and he repeatedly tells wants you to ditch it? He's panicking. He's telling you that he so insecure, he *needs* you to not have that fancy girlboss degree. This man will tell your daughters to not bother him with what they did at school or what they need for school, and to go make him and their brother a snack now, like a proper little girl. Girl, RUN NOW!

Religion. Again.

If she drops out of the biomedical field to be a tradwife she will never get back into it. Things move so quickly that her degree will be worthless in a couple of years without a job. I fell into the same trap for broadly similar reasons...

I'm guessing (just guessing mind you) that these people are Jehova witnesses. This story sounds so familiar with what I've seen happening with JW including the across-the-border marriage and the distinct roles of man and woman. I can almost guarantee she'll give in to what he decides. More's the pity, such a waste of talent.

He should be happy and proud that his fiancée is following her path. The fact she's willing to give it up to be a sahm after the wedding is a huge sacrifice on her part. He doesn't appear to recognise any of that and that's a huge red flag. Enough of one to end the relationship, at least for me.

First husband, who I divorced, used to tell me I was "educated beyond my intelligence" whatever that even meant. I kept asking him what that meant and he didn't ever explain. One day he said it, and I said, no, I'm educated beyond YOUR intelligence. I was going for and got my Master's. He only had some college. Men who say this are very intimidated and insecure. Truly secure people never have to knock others down to feel good about themselves. And, by the way, I was very happy with now-late second husband. He had a PhD, and was one of the kindest people I ever knew. He constantly encouraged everyone around him.

This situation highlights the importance of mutual respect and open communication in relationships. It’s crucial for both partners to support each other’s goals and aspirations. If one partner consistently dismisses the other’s ambitions, it can lead to deeper issues that may require serious reflection on the relationship's future. Have those discussions early to ensure alignment on values and goals! https://ventsmagazine.com/2024/09/25/elizabeth-fraley-leads-kinderready-to-unleash-real-time-tracking-analytics-to-enhance-childrens-development-and-parental-engagement/

Why can't she see that he's looking to trap her? He's setting her up to have zero future unless he finds it, which means he can abuse her in all ways, and she'll be on the streets if she leaves him

He is telling you who he is. He is telling you who he is right now, before you are married. Believe him.

You are too young, go see the world, be a girl boss, have fun, meet new guys.

I’m not buying this. She’s Dutch, studying bio sciences and she’s religious? There are reli people living here in NL but not many of them embark on biochemical science of all studies. And then to claim she wouldn’t mind being a trad wife? Not happening. If it is real, fine, be treated like a wet wipe by your Danish dude (with NL probably one of the most equal societies there are). As a side note: her English doesn’t seem good enough for a Dutch person in academia.

This HAS to be rage bait!

I know someone who has a similar degree as what you're studying for (and she wnt on for a doctorate as well) and I know how much work this takes. And you want to be a "moederkloek" with a degree? Just for when things get rough? What will your degree be worth, 10 years from now? Ever thought about that? Maybe good enough for lab work. Get your smart head out of that relationship and your church and get real. Jezuschristusnogaantoe.

Biomedical science degrees do NOT secure $100,000 to start. Ask me how I know 😭😭😭

He has no pride or admiration for your accomplishments, your only value is in how you serve him. Run.

TRADITIONAL gender roles? You mean women working just like men, but usually in different trades? That was the reality for the last few millenia. Or you seriously believe that half of the adult population did nothing but a couple of chores per day? Paid household helps (maids), (wet) nurses, makers and sellers of textile goods, pastry bakers, egg and dairy producers were either mostly for women or non-gendered jobs. Although women entered tertiary education in the nineteenth century, a female mathematician in the fourth century worked at the Academy (Hypatia). In medieval Europe, a few women (mostly nuns) entered the universities. Don't pretend that the 70-year-old PROPAGANDA has ever been the reality.

Run girl. He is a total a*****e, and after spending enough years as a SAHM you won't be able to find a job in your field anyway, because it is a a very innovative field. If you are really planning to stay at home, your degree is indeed a waste of money. Specially in such a field. But doing that is so stupid my head hurst just from thinking about it. You want to be dependant on a person who doesnt respect you? really? you want to make your children dependent on a person who doesn't respect you? Ugh

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Having a backup plan isn’t just in case of divorce. What is he’s injured and can’t work? What if after you have four kids he gets hit by a truck and does? The backup plan is the intelligent thing to do and she knows it.

Respect yourself. Complete your degree. Believe in yourself. Don't worry about the future, just make sure you're equipped to deal with it on your own if needs be. So many red flags are being highlighted to you here about the man you intend to marry. Listen to your inner voice and think about you and what you want. Don't compromise your goals and abilities for ANYONE. Good luck xxxx

Wow! He's so dismissive of you...Is he related to JD Vance?

Meh, I honestly call bs, despite OP's insistance that it's "totally real". IF this is real, these two must be the last people in Netherlands and Denmark with these cultural views. Literally no one there is like this. People just don't live out their religion the way some countries do. It's difficult to explain. It's just not a thing. POV: I married someone from Denmark and we lived and worked there for several years. I speak the language. My in-laws live in Copenhagen. I have friends, co-workers and relatives there.

Huge red flag. Right now it's him saying her education and degree is a waste, that she would do better to just cook and clean for him. But she's studying for a biomedical degree!! that's top tier, OP! Carpentry is good, but it's not top tier. This fellow is definitely trying to drag you down to his level with his condescending negative comments. And once people start acting like this, they don't stop, they get worse. So unless you want to spend your whole life being told you're nothing but a dumb housewife, you need to put a stop to this now! Tell bf that you agree with him, that it's wasteful for you to get your degree and then become SAHW. So you've decided that you're putting the wedding on hold. That you are going to finish your studies, get your degree, and get a job in your field. After spending 2-3 years working in your field, the two of you can reassess whether you should marry and or whether you should do the SAHW thing. Then watch the explosion!

I'm from Denmark. Your man, have to be loaded whit money, if he is gonna be the only whit a income to support the whole family. Ore your gonna be a broke a*s family. Normally both parents work in dk. If the want the normal life whiteout struggling financially. SAHW is only possible if you're man got big cash, ore you have to downgrade on every aspect in live. You can get money from the state, but it is hard to get around whit that sum of money, and it's not a nice live. And often you have to work anyway, just not a work of your choice. Oh and you can not get money from the state because you will not be a Danish citizens.

He'll be (although he already is) a chauvinistic t**t even more so when you're married! He's jealous that you'll outdo him academically and will look like a loser amongst friends and family. He's a f*****g joke and this is the Amuse Bouche of your life! By the time you realise how horrendous and he's putting down everything good you've ever done, he'll have you feeling like you're worthless and no-one will ever want you!! Please leave this man!!! He's awful to you and imagine if you have a little girl that believes in the shite he's spouting? He's going to crush you bit by bit. I can't believe you're with a man who talks like this about women! He's not nice at all!!!

Sounds like they should absolutely do a traditional marriage where one partner stays at home. But it's a waste of time for him to finish that carpentry degree because obviously her earning potential makes him the one who should be staying home.

You'll need the degree when divorce inevitably come. He clearly doesn't respect you as you are, but for what you can give him only.

I'd have dumped this guy long before now but OP is obviously going to overlook the misogyny and marry him anyway. Her degree won't be worth anything if she doesn't work in her field. In 5 years, no one will hire her if she hasn't used that degree.

Ragebait

good god woman, RUN

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. This woman needs to run for the hills.

So many red flags

Rage bait.