Planning is an essential part of a relationship. When a couple has a roadmap, making decisions becomes much easier since they can clearly see what aligns with their shared vision for the future and what doesn’t. However, that’s often easier said than done.

A pregnant woman on the Am I the A***ole? subreddit asked whether she made a mistake by refusing to move into a house that her boyfriend had bought—the core of the problem lies in the fact that she had explicitly told him she didn’t want to get one yet but he made the decision despite it. Her story serves as a cautionary reminder of what happens when partners fail to communicate.

After this woman became unexpectedly pregnant, she decided to keep the child

Image credits: Downtowngal (not the actual photo)

But the next surprise in her life was simply too much for her

Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Hot-Story6936

The couple has gotten themselves into a really uncomfortable corner

Every now and then, couples face decisions about child care, career changes, job loss, financial hardships, relocation, and moving in together on a wonky timeline, forcing all kinds of big conversations.

But it’s possible to come out of these situations feeling more connected and in sync. According to therapist Irina Firstein, “What happens normally is that people are listening, but really they can’t wait for the other person to stop moving their lips so they can start talking.”

“That habit doesn’t just hurt your partner, it’s going to increase conflict if you aren’t actually taking in what your partner is saying,” the therapist said. And this seems to be exactly what happened to the author of this Reddit post.

Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)

It sounds like they should get some perspective and look at things from each other’s point of view

“You should not be waiting for small breaks in your partner’s words to try to get your point in; that’s likely an unproductive dialogue on both sides. Wait an extra second or two longer than you normally would after your partner stops talking and see if they’re actually done. It will force you to listen better and it will make them feel heard, which is often one of the most important parts of conflict resolution—the fact that your partner cares to hear what your concerns are.”

Instead of thinking about what was best for him, the Redditor’s boyfriend probably should’ve focused more on what was best for them as a couple.

Firstein highlighted trying to reframe some of the difficult albeit necessary sacrifices that partners are going to have to make. The person who feels like they’re giving something up or who might feel that they “lost” something can easily become resentful.

To avoid this, the therapist tells her clients, “Feel good that you actually are the strong one, you actually are the strong one in the relationship because you can tolerate things better than the other person even when not having your way.” Plus, not every life decision is going to be permanent, either.

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Maybe if the man would’ve waited a bit, giving time for himself and his girlfriend to settle into their new role as parents, she would’ve felt more comfortable about getting a new place together, too.

Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

Most people who read the story said the woman did nothing wrong

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But some thought that everyone involved made mistakes that led to the unpleasant situation

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