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30 People Share How They Realized Their Partner Is ‘The One’ And How They Got Rid Of Second Thoughts
Relationships are tricky. Getting from Tinder to making it past the first date and then continuing into official relationship territory is a feat in itself. One that requires a lot of faith and courage, too. But if you do make it that far... how do you know if your partner is really The One? And not just a cybercriminal who took the red pill and is now on a quest to save Zion and mankind, but someone you are willing to spend the rest of your life with?
Reddit user MankersonReddit asked married women to share the moment they knew they wanted to tie the knot with their husbands, and thankfully, it got plenty of responses! Heck, even some men chipped in as well. The sweet, funny, and romantic comments paint a pretty vivid picture, showing that some people are just better suited to each other and that finding them really is worth all the hassle. Continue scrolling and check out the wholesome replies for yourself.
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#1
Two weeks after my (now) husband made the decision to quit his job and move across the country for me, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I tried to send him back home because I knew it would be ugly and I didn't want to put him through that. But he wouldn't go. Instead he said, 'I came here because I love you...and because I love you, I'm going to stay.
He slept in my hospital room with me after my mastectomies, learned how to give me my shots, took a night job so he could be there for my chemo appointments, and asked me to marry him when I had just a quarter inch of hair. And even when my cancer came back two years ago, he stayed. He keeps building a life with me even though neither of us knows if it will come apart at any time
Abigail Brenner, M.D., a board-certified psychiatrist in practice for more than 30 years, says people should identify the essential qualities of a good relationship even before deciding whether their partner is the one. "Trust is an absolute," Brenner writes. "We learn trust from our past relationships. If we're lucky, these have been largely positive and we feel safe with those we rely on. Trust implies reliability, stability, and consistency. Being trustworthy implies openness and a willingness to be forthcoming. Things are as they are and there is no hidden agenda or deception."
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#2
About two months into dating, we'd gotten to the point where we would just visit each other's apartments randomly. He comes over to visit, but unfortunately, I was stuck on the toilet with a UTI. Honestly, I felt like I had to pee all day and just could not leave the bathroom.
I embarrassingly explained this to him through the bathroom door and he says, "No problem, hold on a minute." He slowly opens the door with his eyes closed, a stool in one hand and his laptop in another. He sets his laptop on the sink opposite me and the stool into my shower, which was divided from the toilet by a closet (so we could both see the laptop, but not each other.)
Then he sat down and we watched Happy Feet together while I was on the toilet the whole time.
I nearly cried.
The next quality the psychiatrist highlights is commitment—a promise to another to fully and intimately share ourselves and our life. To put it simply, it is a promise to commit our full attention, time, and energy, and should be reserved for only those who have proven that they are capable of sticking around for the long haul and are ready, willing, and able to share themselves with us as well.
Next, there's respect. "Although respect is about looking back at, reflecting what has happened, its meaning is somewhat different for an intimate relationship," Brenner says. "It's about the mutual mirroring of emotions, feelings, and beliefs. Respect says, 'What I see in you I hold as important as what I see in myself.'"
#3
After a year of terrible blind date attempts by well-meaning and misguided friends, I was sitting in front of my future wife after just knowing her a few hours. "Now why can't I find a girl like this?" I asked myself while I fell in love with her poofy curly hair. "Smart, funny, not full of herself?" "Oh f*ck, I just did!" We were married a year and some change later, had a kid, and were married 25 years before she passed away. Not a day goes by where I don't miss her curly hair. I'm still finding it everywhere, and she's been gone for over 2 years now.
A good relationship also needs communication. When we can freely transmit our emotions, feelings, and beliefs, we feel safe to fully express ourselves. We know there's virtually no judgment, criticism, withholding, and anger.
This means we can be who we are. "I'm sure you're all familiar with relationships where one partner dominates, seems to need more attention, and will manipulate to get what they need. When you're with the right one, you're comfortable to be yourself. You're equal partners. While always trying to be respectful, you don’t have to walk on eggshells, to worry about your actions, or watch your words for fear that it will offend your partner," Brenner explains. "While you and your partner may not always agree, you’re not concerned about being judged, criticized, or shamed. You can disagree and argue respectfully but you both ultimately decide to work on conflicts to arrive at a constructive solution."
#4
Not my story, my mom's. She had a breast cancer scare (back in the 70's or 80's) and her boyfriend (my dad) said "So chop 'em off, I'll still be here."
Sharing the same or similar values is also a plus. If you both value similar principles and ideas about life and are on the same page about what you want to accomplish during your life together, you can spend time exploring what you both enjoy. If that is the case, chances are you share similar goals and a vision for the future, too.
However, Brenner points out that just like everything, relationships change. "The right one understands this and is willing to put in the work to keep the relationship satisfying. This is really the only way to handle life's challenges together. At the same time, while you're taking care of real business, it's important to laugh together, even when things are very rough," she says. So when two people know they are the one to each other, the next step is to prove it every day. Or, at the very least, try to.
#5
Everytime I am extremely happy or upset, I can only think of my husband to share it with! It gets hilarious when we have a fight and I turn around to him and say, "I want to talk to my best friend about the argument I just had with my husband."
#6
When I saw him be kind to a homeless man. He knew his name, and the man knew his
#7
We dated in high school, 16 years old, and were locked at the pelvis for two years. We both openly said it was true love and planned to marry and were mocked for it and told it's just puppy love and bla bla bla. Two weeks after graduating his parents announce they are bankrupt and destitute and leaving the state to live on his uncles land and rebuild their lives, he wasn't 18 yet so they took him with. Before he left he reaffirmed that what we had was true love and he wasn't giving up. He'd be 18 soon and promised me he'd be back as soon as possible.
Over the next six months I was miserable in missing him. I dealt with my family telling me he was never coming back, that it wasn't true love and why would he come back for trailer trash (whole other story, maybe another time). I also dealt with his "friends" trying to hit on me and my friends trying to set me up with other people. At first I was resolute in that he would return, we talked often and he reassured me, but after a few months I began to waiver. The entire I felt incomplete as a person, like I wasn't all myself without him and at almost exactly six months I was desperate and about out of hope. I was drafting a letter telling him I couldn't take it anymore and that I "released him" and if he ever came back we'd give it another shot and so on, when he literally knocks on my front door.
It's two days before Christmas and its pouring. He's standing in my doorway openly weeping and smiling and we're immediately in each others arms and I feel like I'M the one who is finally home. Turns out he sold his guitar (his baby) and anything else that was worth anything, took all that money and the money he had saved working since he left the state and bought a bus ticket. He spent 40 hours on a greyhound and hour in a cab to get to me because he couldn't stand to be apart.
He had 650 bucks to his name, was essentially homeless, unemployed, he had turned his back on his family, sacrificed everything but the clothes on his back, just for the chance to be with me. That's when I knew. It wasn't even a "He's the one" moment. Its so sappy and cliche but I am literally incomplete without him, I knew nothing would ever come between us ever again and yes we were 18 and stupid and naive and no it wasn't all rainbows and lollipops. But we married at 21, 15 years ago, 20 years together and frankly when its right, its right.
#8
When she falls asleep before me and I am having trouble falling asleep, I hold her hand. I feel better almost immediately. We've been with each other 17 years. Tuesday was our anniversary
#9
We had been dating for like a week. He was house sitting and taking care of two very expensive dogs and I accidentally let them loose in the middle of the night. I was freaking out sure they were gone for good but he was like "no problem I'll go find them". Two hours later he came back with them and wasnt even mad. He always handles emergencies like this. 30 years later he is still a very happy and chill guy
#10
When we sat down together on a park bench and I fell asleep on his shoulder. I usually can't fall asleep anywhere but my own bed, and that's when I realized I'd never been that comfortable with anyone before.
#11
My mom at the time, was a seperated mother of three (and me and my brother are twins, compounding the idiocy of male toddlers) and she had a rough time finding a guy who wanted to stick around and be a good dad.
She finally worked up the question of "Do you want to be in our stupid, crazy, chaotic family?"
My dad's response was " Well, someone has to teach your boys how to spit...."
They've been together for 21-ish years now. Married since 1999 (my stepdad had to pay for the whole divorce, he really wanted to marry my mom).
Little did she know, that dumb sense of humor would only get worse. And me and my brother are like little parrots of my dad. She deals with it all the time.
#12
My wife was my proctologist first. I remember going in for my first appointment and was just immediately embarrassed. I thought she was beautiful and she was about to look at my misbehaving anal area. I immediately got anxious and told her I had to rebook the appointment and was red as a beet.
She smiled and said no problem and I left. The itchiness and pain was too much so I went to a pharmacy and got some creams and then went home. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I rebooked the appointment and went and paid the fee but told her I just wanted to ask her out for dinner. She said yes and I got a new proctologist. 16 years married now.
#13
After our first date, he dropped me off at my apartment and gave me an awkward kiss in which he missed half of my face because the flowers and leftovers I was holding were in the way. Well, after I walked up my three flights of stairs, I got a call. It was him, asking if I could come back down for a 'redo kiss' because that kiss didn't accurately represent how good he thought the date had gone.
He then met me at the door and gave my a proper kiss, and I floated back up those stairs. I knew then that he was the one because he was as awkward as I am
#14
My dad died a month ago at a routine hospital visit, and we had just signed the DNR when my husband walked into the waiting room and immediately took my mom into his arms. That's when I realized it isn't just me he loves and cares for then, a couple of weeks ago, I thought of something I wanted to tell my dad, and I had the sudden, soul-crushing realization that I couldn't. I started crying, and my husband came in to hold me, asked what was wrong, and when I told him that I wanted to tell my dad something and couldn't, he simply and tenderly asked, 'What was it?' These weren't the moments I knew he was the one, these were the moments I was reminded why he's still the one
Malinda Petersen 3 years ago
My hubs understands when I start to cry, missing my dad, while decorating the christmas tree. My dad has been gone 22 yrs. But hubs still gets it.
#15
A week after our first date, I got knocked over in a bike accident and ended up at the hospital with a broken neck and a fractured spine. While visiting me in the hospital, he wasn't allowed anywhere near my head, so since he couldn't reach my hand, he held my foot the whole time instead
#16
We'd been living apart for several months so that I could go to medical school while he searched for a job in my new area. On a particularly intense day at school, a miserably rainy sleety day to boot, I went to take out the litter from our two cats...and the bag broke spilling litter and ossified cat dung all over the floor. I'm normally a very rational, calm person, but after the day I had, and the last few months alone, I couldn't hold back the tears. I kept crying and crying until the only thing I could think to do was call my boyfriend.
So I called him crying, for the first and only time.
"What's wrong?" were the first words out of his mouth.
I don't remember what I said, but it was something along the lines of "I CAN'T RAISE THESE TWO CATS ALOOOONE" followed by sobbing and probably a few blubbered renditions of "I NEED YOU. HERE. PLEASE."
His words were calm and matter-of-fact: "Then I'll move down. I'll give my notice tomorrow at work. I can be out of the apartment in 4 weeks."
Just those three simple sentences, and I went from feeling the most alone I'd felt in my whole life, to feeling totally secure and safe, like everything was going to be okay.
He did move down 4 weeks later. We were engaged that spring, then married by Christmas. I will be with this wonderful man until the day I die.
#17
I can answer for my wife. She is sober now for 9 years. When we started dating I told her I wouldn't drink while we were dating... then we got engaged... and now married. I still don't drink and I don't plan on doing it until I die. I've never had a drinking problem and I never needed sobriety but I made a promise and I intend to keep it!
#18
I knew I wanted to be with him forever when I saw him playing with his children. They had come over for their weekend with him, and he said, 'I swear I'm not ignoring you, but I missed them...'
Then he got down on the ground and played action figures, he 'understood' the 2-year-old's babbles, and he even let the 6-year-old take the lead on telling stories. That's when I realized he wasn't just a father, he was a daddy. And I knew I wanted him to be the daddy to my children, too
Bobert Robertson 3 years ago
I misread that last line as "And I knew I wanted him to be my daddy too"
#19
When I accidentally farted horribly loud, and he lifted his leg and let out a 'courtesy fart' so I wouldn't feel bad
Bobert Robertson 3 years ago
Lol the best part of this is the it's credited to "bootyMcSqueak" hahaha
#20
He took me to an outdoor concert when we hadn't been dating long. It was a hot day and I was dehydrated so I passed out. He picked me up and carried me through the crowd to the first aid tent. I woke up while he was carrying me and realised that I had fallen in love with a superhero who would always be there to protect me. 5 years later he's emigrated to another country for me and we're happily married
#21
He had a cork on a string tied up in a doorway as a toy for his cat. It was a very cute cat that would wait outside the house for him to return from work and would follow him down the road to the shops. That cat really loved him and they are good judges of character. I figured someone who treated his cat right would treat me right. 20 years on (and on cat no3) and I have been proved right every day.
Plus he snogged like a king on our first date !
Aria Whitaker 3 years ago
So, this clueless American is assuming that “snogging” means to “make out”, correct? lol
#22
Absolutely nothing. He's himself with me. I am myself with him. We are in heaven together because we work well together. I look at him and my woes melt away. He gives me peace
#23
One of the things that reaffirmed my choice that my husband is the right partner for me was that once, we were having some sort of epic argument about something totally stupid that stemmed from some annoying crossed wire communication issue or something. We had reached a lull in the fight but were still unresolved and both still upset about it, I'd been crying and I started coughing a lot. He offered to go get me a glass of water. The fact that he was willing to do something to help me, even when he was mad at me, made me totally lose my sh*t for an entirely different reason. Showing me that even when he was upset with me, he still cared for me--that just totally blew me away.
#24
He looked at me so often. And he smiled whenever I looked at him
#25
He wasn't really a cat person, and is severely allergic to cats.
After he moved in, he never once asked me to get rid of the cat. His allergist even asked him, "Can you get rid of the cat?" He said no.
After a couple of years of shots, and daily suffering, he's developed a tolerance. They adore each other now.
Also the way he's sweet, thoughtful and affectionate in general. It wasn't one defining moment so much as a comfortable feeling in my gut
#26
Husband here, just asked my wife so i can share with you.
"I already knew i loved you, but when you got up at 3AM to ride your bike for 40KM to comfort me when i had a panic attack during a sleep over... that was the moment i didn't wnat to let go".
That was 10 years ago btw!
#27
When he used to call and ask, 'Can I come be where you are?
#28
Not married, but engaged.
Just before I met my fiance I went through a "slut phase" as many people call it. In a span of a month I had slept with two other guys, and then my fiance. On June 14 he took me to the ER for kidney stones, and we found out I was pregnant. There was a chance the baby wasn't his. He didn't ridicule me. He sat by my side through it all. Laying in bed a few nights later he told me "I don't care if I'm the father or not, this is my child and I will raise it as my child".
Sadly, a few weeks later I miscarried. I had been bleeding and cramping for three days before I went to the doctor alone. It was a Tuesday, a very busy day for him at work. I called him when I was half way home (the doctor was an hour away) and told him the news. I was barely holding it together. I was about 3p minutes from home, and it would take him an hour to get there. He beat me home and was waiting on me when I pulled in the drive. He didn't say anything. He let me process it and then, about thirty minutes later while we were sitting on the couch, says "This isn't your fault. We will get through it together."
Just the way he acted through all of that, given we had only been together nine weeks, made me realize that the love was there and that I need not let him go.
Here we are, engaged since October and expecting our first child together this summer. We both have kids from previous relationships. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
Melissa Boatman Linebaugh 3 years ago
All I have to say is sleeping with 3 men in a month doesn’t make you a slut. Sleeping with 30 men doesn’t make a woman a slut. (And I have only slept with 9 so not trying to justify my actions). I just think it’s time we got over sex/shaming women. (I may change my mind when my 13 year-old daughter starts dating!) 😂
#29
He went on a three-day road trip with a friend and I was in abject misery the entire time. I distinctly remember wandering into my kitchen, opening the fridge for the thousandth time that day, and just staring into it thinking, "Wtf is wrong with me? Ohhhhmygod I love him." He got back from his trip at around 1:00 am, called me, and immediately got right back in his car and drove to my house. I confessed my realization, he said, "It's about time!" and we've been together ever since. That was August '99 and we married in October '01.
#30
We had gotten into a huge fight, and I stormed out and drove off. Well, as I was driving, I thought about people I could vent to about what happened and how I felt, and as I went through my list, I realized that the person I wanted to talk to the most was my best friend...him
What do you think ?
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. It is good to learn how to be happy on your own. If it is meant to be then a partner will show up in your future - and if not you will still be perfectly able to manage life on your own!
Load More Replies... LottieH 3 years ago
The day I told him I loved him for the first time, he replied 'sorry but I don't love you yet, but i can feel myself falling in love with you' meant more to me than a meaningless automatic I love you too response. I fell more in love with him for his honesty. Then when he told me he loved me a few months later, I knew he meant it. Been together 16 years, married for nearly 10. I owe him everything, he changed my life for the better.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Knew my hubby was the one when he came to meet the parents, and the family cats and dogs immediately went to him and he petted them all. Still together a few decades later, and, yes, cats and dogs still go to him and he still pets them all!
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. It is good to learn how to be happy on your own. If it is meant to be then a partner will show up in your future - and if not you will still be perfectly able to manage life on your own!
Load More Replies... LottieH 3 years ago
The day I told him I loved him for the first time, he replied 'sorry but I don't love you yet, but i can feel myself falling in love with you' meant more to me than a meaningless automatic I love you too response. I fell more in love with him for his honesty. Then when he told me he loved me a few months later, I knew he meant it. Been together 16 years, married for nearly 10. I owe him everything, he changed my life for the better.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Knew my hubby was the one when he came to meet the parents, and the family cats and dogs immediately went to him and he petted them all. Still together a few decades later, and, yes, cats and dogs still go to him and he still pets them all!
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