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MIL Fumes After Realizing DIL Won’t Cater To Her Unannounced Visit On Vacation
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MIL Fumes After Realizing DIL Won’t Cater To Her Unannounced Visit On Vacation

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As adults, many of us know how precious it is to carve out time for some much-needed peace and quiet.

That’s exactly what this Redditor’s wife was looking forward to during a short vacation they had planned at a cozy cabin. But things didn’t quite go as expected when her mother-in-law showed up unannounced, hoping to have a spontaneous “girl’s day.”

The wife, however, wasn’t in the mood to play along, which stirred up some unexpected family drama.

The woman hoped to spend her vacation enjoying some peace and quiet

Image credits: takemewu31 / Envato (not the actual photo)

But things didn’t quite go as planned when her mother-in-law showed up unannounced, eager to have a spontaneous “girl’s day”

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Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Wrong_Basket_6811

How to build stronger boundaries and improve your relationship with in-laws

When we marry someone, we hope that getting along with their family will be part of the package. After all, in-laws often become a big part of our lives. But having a smooth, stress-free relationship with them can be harder than it sounds. In fact, research shows that 75% of couples deal with issues involving their in-laws, and this Reddit story is no exception.

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What makes disagreements with in-laws especially tricky is the fear of hurting both our spouse and their parents in the process. But smoothing out those rough edges is possible, and licensed marriage and family therapist Sylvia Beligotti from the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin has some valuable advice.

Her first tip is simple: follow the golden rule. Treat your in-laws how you’d want to be treated, and consider what you’d expect if the roles were reversed. “Adjust your perspective and be willing to give and take,” Beligotti says. “Negotiate by trying to find areas of overlap in everybody’s wants when there is conflict.”

Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)

It’s also important not to feel like you’re in competition with your in-laws for your spouse’s attention. “The love that your spouse has for their parents and the love they have for you is very different,” explains Beligotti. “If it does feel like a competitive atmosphere, address that quickly.”

If unannounced visits from your in-laws are a problem, try scheduling regular visits in advance. “Surprise visits from your in-laws can ruin romantic nights, disrupt important conversations, or create the expectation that their needs take priority over your relationship. Instead, create a regular pattern of meeting at a scheduled time,” suggests Beligotti.

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Finally, try finding some common interests. There are likely a few things you both enjoy, and taking part in them together can show your in-laws you care, while also giving you the chance to have some fun.

And when it comes to setting boundaries, do so with goodwill, not with control or resentment. It’s perfectly okay to put them in place when needed without feeling guilty.

In the replies, the husband explained he had only invited his dad, not his mom

Some commenters praised the husband for defending his wife and admired her for sticking to her own plans

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A few users felt that everyone, except the wife, handled the situation poorly

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However, many blamed the husband for inviting anyone at all, knowing his wife wanted a peaceful getaway

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Oleksandra Kyryliuk

Oleksandra Kyryliuk

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Kyiv-born, Vilnius-dwelling writer with a suitcase full of curiosity. My Master's in International Communication fuels my love for exploring different stories. Whether I'm putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), you might catch me out and about with my film camera, cycling around, or on a quest for the perfect coffee spot. Occasionally seen trying to find inner peace on the yoga mat.

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Oleksandra Kyryliuk

Oleksandra Kyryliuk

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Kyiv-born, Vilnius-dwelling writer with a suitcase full of curiosity. My Master's in International Communication fuels my love for exploring different stories. Whether I'm putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), you might catch me out and about with my film camera, cycling around, or on a quest for the perfect coffee spot. Occasionally seen trying to find inner peace on the yoga mat.

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Read less »

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

What is your opinion on the mother-in-law arriving unannounced?
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TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To mum, "If you ever turn up univited again, you will be ignored again" or "If you ever turn up univited again, the doors will remain locked". I did that. We live on virtually the exact opposite side of London to the in laws (this did not happen by accident). Came out of my bedroom one birthday morning to see husband ushering his parents in through the front door. Noped out of that and turned right back into my bedroom. None of them expected it as I was (back in my youth) really ultra nice and considerate. Took a stand - not on my birthday. Don't you dare try pushing me around and dressing up something I explicitly don't want to do as a "treat" for me. They had to take the long journey back unsatisfied and (hear me out on this) *never did it again*

Kyra Heiker
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People who show up unannounced and uninvited are not guests. The fact that daughter-in-law took the meal that her mother-in-law made and left and ate in peace just cracks me up. Good for her!

Bernd Herbert
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does it even mean "Entertain the mom"? Is she a child who wants to play?

Skogsrået
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think they mean being a host, offering drink/food and sitting with her chatting cause the mom doesn't understand that people read books for fun an relaxation and she herself finds it boring.

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TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To mum, "If you ever turn up univited again, you will be ignored again" or "If you ever turn up univited again, the doors will remain locked". I did that. We live on virtually the exact opposite side of London to the in laws (this did not happen by accident). Came out of my bedroom one birthday morning to see husband ushering his parents in through the front door. Noped out of that and turned right back into my bedroom. None of them expected it as I was (back in my youth) really ultra nice and considerate. Took a stand - not on my birthday. Don't you dare try pushing me around and dressing up something I explicitly don't want to do as a "treat" for me. They had to take the long journey back unsatisfied and (hear me out on this) *never did it again*

Kyra Heiker
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People who show up unannounced and uninvited are not guests. The fact that daughter-in-law took the meal that her mother-in-law made and left and ate in peace just cracks me up. Good for her!

Bernd Herbert
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does it even mean "Entertain the mom"? Is she a child who wants to play?

Skogsrået
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think they mean being a host, offering drink/food and sitting with her chatting cause the mom doesn't understand that people read books for fun an relaxation and she herself finds it boring.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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