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MIL Fumes After Realizing DIL Won’t Cater To Her Unannounced Visit On Vacation
As adults, many of us know how precious it is to carve out time for some much-needed peace and quiet.
That’s exactly what this Redditor’s wife was looking forward to during a short vacation they had planned at a cozy cabin. But things didn’t quite go as expected when her mother-in-law showed up unannounced, hoping to have a spontaneous “girl’s day.”
The wife, however, wasn’t in the mood to play along, which stirred up some unexpected family drama.
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The woman hoped to spend her vacation enjoying some peace and quiet
Image credits: takemewu31 / Envato (not the actual photo)
But things didn’t quite go as planned when her mother-in-law showed up unannounced, eager to have a spontaneous “girl’s day”
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wrong_Basket_6811
How to build stronger boundaries and improve your relationship with in-laws
When we marry someone, we hope that getting along with their family will be part of the package. After all, in-laws often become a big part of our lives. But having a smooth, stress-free relationship with them can be harder than it sounds. In fact, research shows that 75% of couples deal with issues involving their in-laws, and this Reddit story is no exception.
What makes disagreements with in-laws especially tricky is the fear of hurting both our spouse and their parents in the process. But smoothing out those rough edges is possible, and licensed marriage and family therapist Sylvia Beligotti from the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin has some valuable advice.
Her first tip is simple: follow the golden rule. Treat your in-laws how you’d want to be treated, and consider what you’d expect if the roles were reversed. “Adjust your perspective and be willing to give and take,” Beligotti says. “Negotiate by trying to find areas of overlap in everybody’s wants when there is conflict.”
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It’s also important not to feel like you’re in competition with your in-laws for your spouse’s attention. “The love that your spouse has for their parents and the love they have for you is very different,” explains Beligotti. “If it does feel like a competitive atmosphere, address that quickly.”
If unannounced visits from your in-laws are a problem, try scheduling regular visits in advance. “Surprise visits from your in-laws can ruin romantic nights, disrupt important conversations, or create the expectation that their needs take priority over your relationship. Instead, create a regular pattern of meeting at a scheduled time,” suggests Beligotti.
Finally, try finding some common interests. There are likely a few things you both enjoy, and taking part in them together can show your in-laws you care, while also giving you the chance to have some fun.
And when it comes to setting boundaries, do so with goodwill, not with control or resentment. It’s perfectly okay to put them in place when needed without feeling guilty.
In the replies, the husband explained he had only invited his dad, not his mom
Some commenters praised the husband for defending his wife and admired her for sticking to her own plans
A few users felt that everyone, except the wife, handled the situation poorly
However, many blamed the husband for inviting anyone at all, knowing his wife wanted a peaceful getaway
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What do you think ?
TribbleThinking 1 month ago (edited)
To mum, "If you ever turn up univited again, you will be ignored again" or "If you ever turn up univited again, the doors will remain locked". I did that. We live on virtually the exact opposite side of London to the in laws (this did not happen by accident). Came out of my bedroom one birthday morning to see husband ushering his parents in through the front door. Noped out of that and turned right back into my bedroom. None of them expected it as I was (back in my youth) really ultra nice and considerate. Took a stand - not on my birthday. Don't you dare try pushing me around and dressing up something I explicitly don't want to do as a "treat" for me. They had to take the long journey back unsatisfied and (hear me out on this) *never did it again*
Kyra Heiker 1 month ago
People who show up unannounced and uninvited are not guests. The fact that daughter-in-law took the meal that her mother-in-law made and left and ate in peace just cracks me up. Good for her!
Bernd Herbert 1 month ago
What does it even mean "Entertain the mom"? Is she a child who wants to play?
Skogsrået 1 month ago (edited)
I think they mean being a host, offering drink/food and sitting with her chatting cause the mom doesn't understand that people read books for fun an relaxation and she herself finds it boring.
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TribbleThinking 1 month ago (edited)
To mum, "If you ever turn up univited again, you will be ignored again" or "If you ever turn up univited again, the doors will remain locked". I did that. We live on virtually the exact opposite side of London to the in laws (this did not happen by accident). Came out of my bedroom one birthday morning to see husband ushering his parents in through the front door. Noped out of that and turned right back into my bedroom. None of them expected it as I was (back in my youth) really ultra nice and considerate. Took a stand - not on my birthday. Don't you dare try pushing me around and dressing up something I explicitly don't want to do as a "treat" for me. They had to take the long journey back unsatisfied and (hear me out on this) *never did it again*
Kyra Heiker 1 month ago
People who show up unannounced and uninvited are not guests. The fact that daughter-in-law took the meal that her mother-in-law made and left and ate in peace just cracks me up. Good for her!
Bernd Herbert 1 month ago
What does it even mean "Entertain the mom"? Is she a child who wants to play?
Skogsrået 1 month ago (edited)
I think they mean being a host, offering drink/food and sitting with her chatting cause the mom doesn't understand that people read books for fun an relaxation and she herself finds it boring.
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