So well written - sheer poo-etry! I came close to floating an air biscuit I was laughing so hard.

As humorous as this is written, there’s a fundamental f*****g problem with a grown-a*s man who can’t cook, can’t use a stove, can’t evaluate the structural integrity of a refrigerator shelf & can’t eat basic or semi-nutritious food for a few weeks. This level of incompetence is beyond unattractive & offputting. It’s gross & ugly. I wonder what outstanding qualities he has that negates his inability to feed himself anything other that disgusting foodstuff.

The thing about trusting a fart had me laughing hysterically. My dad has a creed his Pops taught him: Never waste an erection and never trust a fart. He's just come back from a vacation with his male friend and went on and on about how his friend believed the same thing. And it really has me wondering what happened on the trip and if there's something my mum ought to know.

Best laugh I've had on BP in a while. 😂😅😂

Oh. My. God. 🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for the hearty laugh this morning. Made my day! 🤣🤣🤣

I cried from laughing too much.

Bioweaponized Incompetence! ☣️

This story is amazing! 🤣

Left to my own devices, I will eat nothing but Mexican food, but from the actual Mexican restaurant run by an actual Mexican-American family (best Tamales in the Midwest, also Elote)

Turns out one woman actually DID choose bear, and I'm grateful because I've not read anything so funny since the Amazon reviews for sugar free haribo gummies.

My poll choice, “Build him a doghouse in the back yard and not let him into the house proper until he’s grown,” isn’t available. Oh, how I wish this woman would make (at least!) one post a week because I wanna read (and laugh at!) ‘em all. The one good thing he did was to marry a lady with a sense of humor who can write. 👍🏻

I think the wife is hilarious, the way she writes this whole episode. She should become a author for real!

I am ROFLing so hard right now. I just recovered from food poisoning myself. I hope my back door holds up as I laugh uncontrolably.

Oh that was hysterical! Please let us know when you release your first book! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😂🤣

I have no words! As a guy who LOVES to cook, and I do it quite well (coming from friends and family) I damned near $hit MYSELF laughing over this, sad as it is. Get this boy a few cookbooks and some classes!

Lady are you sure you married a human man and not some raccoons in a trench coat pretending to be a guy?

I would like to point out, for future reference, that one doesn't eat/swallow honeycomb, you chew it like you would gum, then spit it out once it loses its flavor, lol

I bet they have so much fun in their relationship. If he'd been incompetent at everything then I'd think it was weaponised but it's one thing and I can't cook either although I'm not a complete moron at it

"Trusted a fart" is my new favorite phrase.

Omg I laughed so hard at this. Really made me feel better.

Even though it's hilarious, that's one of the most dedicated examples of weaponised incompetence I've ever heard. He's just determined to prove she can't leave him to fend for himself. Like breaking a shelf? Yeah I'd do that. And then I'd fix it before it becomes a burden on my partner. Broke stove? Okay. Then I'd do my best to fix it. Tripped breakers? Okay. Then I'd search for the reset. Sounds like the consequences were even more than he expected so he bucked up and took some responsibility, and she also held her ground more than he expected so he fixed his own c**p. I was worried when she kept saying "now I have to..." about broken things.

This has to be THE FUNNIEST story I've EVER heard!!!! LMFAO!!! Lady, you should be a writer because I can actually smell the smells and see both of your faces as this progresses. OH, AND THE DOG??!!! LOL LOL LOL! It HAD TO BE BAD because most dogs try to sniff at you but yours begged to leave with you!!!!! I'll never forget this story! Thank you!

Sorry OP but this was hilarious!

My deceased ex was positively deadly with his farts. I woke up one night thinking the house was on fire. 3 story house. Went down to the basement and checked. By the time I got back up to the master bedroom, I realized it was his farting causing the smell. He found that hysterical. RIP, Harold!

Poison him !

Okay, this is really about next level weaponized incompetence and way too much weed. OP's husband needs to man up and learn to act like an adult or he suffered serious brain damage as a child. Oh yeah, and seriously cut back on smoking weed.

I haven't read something this funny in a long time. Thanks, OP! You made MY day!

From snorting with suppressed giggles to outright laughing very loudly by the time we got to the part where he fell asleep on the toilet legs went numb and he fell ripping the towel rack off the wall and laughing some more .. what a wonderful memorable day and a half(?) and more, for that very patient wife. Keep him, he sounds like a good bloke all the same. Leave him with some frozen meals... on second thoughts don't he might microwave them to exploding point I vote for a daily delivery of one meal per day. and lots of frozen sliced bread he can defrost in the toaster and spread what he wants, from honey, cheese slices, peanut butter, ham, pickles tinned fish (ew) mayo a plethora of tasty nutritious toppings, yes, even good old Aussie VEGEMITE .. that will work..and I still laugh although it is midnight and all is was very still. was I heard? I hope so, laughter can be contagious.

I don't think I've laughed out lout in a long time from a Reddit story! But this was pure poetry!!

That's the best laugh I've had in ages! I'm saving this to show my grandson on Friday

So, he broke the stove, the fridge, and the towel rack. HOW did he not also break the toilet?