Nope. Divorce.

This story is 4 years old

OP want it both ways. At one hand, the house, kids & wife on the other hand, the dog event is unforgivable. Getting a dog would just make things worse. She'll hate it, He will never be at rest when not at home. ...... a choices has to be made: Either forgive and move on, OR get out and leave.

Time to rehome wife back to parents. Would not be able to trust them again because of their shared values or lack of

What the wife did was awful and treacherous. That said, I want to address that even a 'not aggressive' dog can come after a baby. Be cautious.

I think a Stay-at-home Mother of 3 kids under 5 is too busy to deal with a dog. It would be different if the original dog had been able to grow up with the kids and learn how to deal with them. But even a Golden Retriever could snap if she was being mauled by 2 or 3 little kids at the same time. Do not do that to her, the kids, or the dog. If the marriage survives, the kids could get a dog when the youngest is 5 or older. If the marriage does not survive, you need to get your life together and the kids stable before adding a dog to the mix. I think you should try couples counseling. She may have had issues with the dog and you did not listen when she told you.

I'd have moved out that same day. Why woul d anyone stay married to such a cruel selfish woman.

The "we get a dog or else" ultimatum is a non starter. It seems to me the wife must have known the dog for a long time, the whole time they were dating and engaged. Who knows when she started thinking up this scheme. She could have made her case for why the dog had to go, and given the husband some input on where. The malice and duplicity aren't things you come back from. Starting over alone is tough, but people do it every day, and it's the right thing to do here

I can’t suggest you invite the father in law over and punch each or them in the mouth a couple of times - that would be wrong- but if it happened I’d probably be fine with that.

I would have to leave. I would never ever be able to be around her again much less trust the cow. My dog is my baby and we're a package deal. Her knowing how he felt about the fur baby, watching him mourn and showing no remorse in the slightest. Nope. I would have to get out of there before I chose violence.

i would be getting DNA test done on those kids. if she lied about the dog she might be lying about the kids too. leave her asap with the kids if they are yours. if shes a SAHM then she needs to get a job. get her away from the kids as much as possible before one of them turns up 'missing'. if shes willing to abuse an animal chances are she'll abuse the kids

NTA that dog wasn’t just your property by law it sounds like they were a genuine help in any tough times you had

So, pregnant women developing a sudden and urgent negative avoidance of animals is a very well known and documented thing. Happens a lot. It's a hormone driven instinctual thing that is extremely difficult to counter because so many brain and pregnancy chemicals are in the driving seat, reinforcing it. It tends to chill out....once the kid is out of infancy. That's a really, reaaaally long time for her to be super uncomfortable and paranoid in her own home. New pet allergies are also a fun thing pregnant people get, which may not go away. Waiting it out and speaking with a therapist about the new fears and methods to handle them can help (though not with allergies). But, and this is a HUGE but, the issue often switches from her wanting to get rid of the dog/ cat she was previously perfectly fine with, which hubby sees as a betrayal....to her viewing her spouse as a bad partner who has chosen an animal over both her and their newborn. So he is therefore unworthy of having either and cannot be trusted to meet either's emotional, physical, or basic safety needs.

"All I can affort is a studio appartment"... well then it will be a studio appartment for you then. A dog is a member of the family, not a toy you can discard if you don't like it. The woman knew he had that dog, and yet she chose to become pregnant without dealing with that "issue" first? Plain stupidity. She has shown that she can't be trusted, and that she will hurt him and lie about it to get it her way. That relationship is dead, and now he has to do the best he can with the cards he is dealt. Don't stay in a dead relationship for the sake of the children, having two happy parents who lives apart is better than having couple of parents who lives togheter but is incompatible and can't stand each other. ...and then get a dog. They are more honest and faithful than most humans.

Even if I couldn't "leave", I would make sure my wife knew that I no longer trusted her word or her parents word on anything and would need regular verification that she was telling the truth. I would remind her that "now I KNOW" about your penchant for lying to get your way and I won't be forgetting it. I would also make sure my children knew what she did, because I wouldn't want them to trust her too much. Who knows what she will do in the future??

I will not take sides on this arguement, but just because the dog was trained doesn't mean the baby was.

If my husband got rid of my cat- he’d be gone. My cat is my baby. I’d pick my cat over my husband

I can't believe anybody would vote YTA on this. What she did was a huge betrayal. I would file for divorce and live in an attic if I had to.

Seems like all the ESH and YTA comments are focused on him wanting to bring another dog into the situation, possibly endangering the dog. Personally, it sounds to me like he’s using the new dog as a weapon. He didn’t get another dog for 5 years because “the kids take a lot of energy and time.” Now he finds out the truth and suddenly he’s insisting on getting a new dog. Do the kids suddenly need less time and energy? No? Then he doesn’t care about the well-being of the animal. He doesn’t want a pet to love, he wants a weapon to use against his wife. What do you want to bet he’d get another “aggressive” breed, just for spite? This marriage needs a divorce, not a dog.

Oh you horrible c***.

Leave the b***h!!!!

Her actions were malicious. However I note he uses inverted commas to state "aggressive breed" as though he does not agree with the legal classification. Those dogs in particular, ANY dogs can turn and tear a child or adult apart. A crying baby is known to be a trigger. Surely his beloved dog was microchipped like All responsible owners do? Or is the law in many countries. Why didn't a shelter contact him if the dog had been turned in but found to be chipped. O I get the impression he likely was more irresponsible than he realised and the dog because of his inability to train it properly, became a risk to the newborn coming. She's the SAHM mum in her own property. I bet she'd be responsible for the dog and the following three children too... What she did was horrible, but if he thinks the dog would have been euthanized because of its breed, does he Really think it was safe around wee bairns??

For those curious, the ESH and YTA comments came out of two specific things that turned up in review of the post. First, when referring to their own flesh and blood, IE their child, they simply said 'the baby'. There was little to any care for their baby, or its potential safety due to a known aggressive breed of dog. When speaking of the dog in question though, OP said "my BABY" painting a picture both in the comments, and the post that the dog was more important to them than their own child. The second thing which came out, is the dog was a pitbull, and it was implied that due to its aggressive nature, the dog was destroyed by the pound. It was also implied that this action was taken due to city regulations that limit conditions in which such a breed may be owned. Multiple cities have outrignt bans on ownership of the animals, and will automatically euthanize them if the animals are surrendered or seized.