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Wife Gives Hubby Thoughtful Present After Accident, He Doesn’t Like It And Asks For Cash Instead
It’s not unusual to receive a gift you don’t want and might never use. In fact, 75% of Americans say they receive up to seven gifts a year that they will never use. But what if the gift is really well thought out and meant for one of your hobbies? Is it ungrateful to refuse it?
This wife thought so. When she gifted her husband, an avid biker, a $500 bike radar and camera, he was less than happy with his birthday present. But, when she returned the gift and got her money back, the husband demanded she gift him the $500. She refused, and, thus, the drama began.
To keep her husband safe from future accidents, this wife gifted him a bike radar
Image credits: engin akyurt / unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, he wasn’t happy with the present and said he would rather have the $500 the gift was worth
Image credits: David Dvořáček / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zealousideal-Mix6580
The person receiving a gift should be able to do with it what they want
Usually, when a person doesn’t like a gift they’ve received, they lie about it, and you’ve probably done it too. According to one poll, 62% of Americans say they have lied about liking a gift. The people who usually gave unwanted gifts were grandmothers, children, and grandfathers.
Most people expect good gifts from their partners. They’re supposed to know us better than anyone, after all. And there’s nothing wrong when the price of the gift reflects that. Event Source recommends spending around $100-$200 for a birthday gift to a long-term partner. So, even if $500 can seem quite a lot for a birthday gift, we have to keep in mind that the OP’s gift was very personal and purposeful.
Many commenters speculated why the husband didn’t want the gift when it was seemingly so useful. Some thought that maybe he still had some unresolved emotional trauma about the accident and saw this gesture as insensitive. Others implied that his asking for the money back was more suspicious.
Whatever the reason, gifts generally come with the “no backsies” rule. In a recent interview for Bored Panda, financial therapist Nathan Astle, LMFT, CFT – I™ explained that the point of gifts is for the receiver to decide what to do with them.
“If you are giving a gift and have a specific request with it, that needs to be made explicit at the time of giving the gift,” Astle said. “But, in the end, that’s the whole point of gifts is that it is up to the other person how it will be used.”
If the giftee has a vision in mind of what the receiver should do with the gift, they should communicate their wishes early on. In this case, perhaps the husband himself should’ve returned the gift and kept the money. At the end of the day, as Astle told us, “we can’t control what others do when we give a gift.”
Some people might enjoy gifts that don’t break the bank more
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
When the husband said that he didn’t want anything, perhaps he meant that it would have been better to get nothing than an unwanted gift? Sometimes, when we’re buying gifts, whether they’re for one’s birthday, anniversary, or even Christmas, we wrongly assume that the more expensive, the better.
Yet there is a more eco-friendly and sustainable way to give presents. Here are a few suggestions on what gifts to give your loved ones from Good On You.
Instead of gifting items and objects, opt for experiences – workshops, classes, or even time spent together. Pottery, woodwork, and jewelry-making classes are just a few options to choose from. For people who like more luxury experiences, you can consider massages, spas, or even a float tank.
Other non-item gifts can be donations to charities. A great idea is to donate in the name of the other person to an organization or a cause they support. Some people prefer homemade gifts over any kind of other. It’s personal, crafted with love, attention and care. Depending on what talent you have, a sweater, a poem, or delicious cookies can be great gifts.
The same is true about second-hand items. There are three upsides to buying used stuff: it’s original, it doesn’t break the bank and it reduces waste. Second-hand shops are treasure troves for unique, one-of-a-kind items, so you’re bound to find something for everyone.
“He said he ‘didn’t need anything,'” people pointed out how the husband had no right to demand the money
However, some thought both parties were at fault: the husband for not explaining, and the wife for being so bitter
And some called out the OP as rude for taking back a gift, even in cash form
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What do you think ?
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 days ago
Probably gonna get downvoted for this, but every single 'serious' cyclist I've ever known was an insufferable, stuck up arsehole - looks like he's just living up to the same stereotype.
Susie Elle 3 days ago
Somehow I get the feeling that the husband doesn't want this Garmin device because it'll make him look uncool on his bike.
Load More Replies...
Debbie 3 days ago
It's rude to ask for cash if you don't want the gift. You either want the gift or not. He didn't, so it's back to the original plan. "Thanks hon for your thoughtfullness about keeping me safe for my own safety and your peace of mind, but I'm good. I really meant it that I didn't need anything, so you can return it and maybe we can spend it together as a family on a day out". Sometimes someone can be surprised when they say they don't NEED anything. A gift is not about giving someone something he needs. We don't need art, we don't need music, we don't need a new perfume to survive. A gift is about the thought behind it, about giving someone something they might enjoy. Giving a gift has two sides: The giver and receiver. Both should think about the other - the giver about what that person would like/want/appreciate. The receiver about why that gift was chosen, and the effort that went into it.
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 days ago (edited)
I love what you said and agree. I think that the idea of getting someone a gift because you wanted to get them a gift, and the receiver either really liking it or maybe not (but it doesn't matter cuz it's the thought that counts), went out when gift registry for every event became so commonplace. Now many adults (who should have learned to be gracious gift receivers) act like a spoiled 5-year-old at Christmas if they didn't get their favorite toy from santa...
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 3 days ago
If you dont wan't a gift and return it to the giver, that's fine. If you want the money, you should have accepted the gift, waited a day and then return it yourself and get the money. Instead, this rather blunt knife in the drawer rejected the gift outright, insulted his wife and children and on top of all that asked her to return it and give him the money. This is one big man-baby.
Corvus 3 days ago (edited)
Reminder: You can't return a gift without a receipt. If the wife kept it, he would have to get it from her, which would have resulted in a similar situation. ("Why, do you intende to return it or something?!?")
Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe 3 days ago
People just don't understand the concept of gift giving - it isn't an obligation. Once the gift is given, the recipient can do with as they see fit. Husband refused to accept the gift, so he's done. No replacement, no cash, no nothing. He would have been wiser to accept the gift and returned it for himself so he could use the cash for something else. He didn't. Too bad for him.
weatherwitch 2 days ago
This is insane! He's back training for a triathlon After being lucky to be Alive after that horrific accident. Now this affected him massively but it also affected his wife and wee children horrendously too. The kids then about six almost lost their dad and saw him in an horrendous state then very long physical and mental recovery which will have greatly affected them. He should be thinking here about His children, not himself. He didn't want anything, fair enough, however they chose to get something for daddy to keep daddy safe. After seeing that, any kid would be so happy at that. This is a gift about the entire family. A gift with extreme thought and love. I suppose he's too good now back to his triathlon training to possibly need safety equipment... He handled this Very badly. My initial thoughts were that he was struggling still and wasn't letting on, but training for a triathlon takes dedication and determination. This gadget could save his life...or prove whose car killed him...
Kira Okah 3 days ago
I admit that I am curious as to why it was rejected, because there doesn't seem to be anything here about asking him why. Not calling anyone an a-hole or not, because I am not touching the money part, but what if he thought that it meant that his family were blaming him for the accident?
Sunny Day 2 days ago
Cynical view - hubby isn't riding 20m frequently. He had a mudlife crisis after nearly dying and he is having an affair and spends that time with girlfriend. He's afraid the device has a locater included.
BewilderedBanana 3 days ago
Grown-äss adults acting like 5 year olds. When you give someone a gift, if it's not something they chose or asked for, you have no control (and neither should you have) over their reaction. They might like it, they might hate it or they might be completely indifferent. But if someone specifically says they want/need nothing, then there's a very high possibility that, whatever you get them, will be met with indifference. Once you gift something, it's the other person's to do as they please with it - keep it, enjoy it or exchange it, it's their choice. Maybe he could have acted happier in front of the kids, but then what happens when the gift is returned and you have to explain to them that he didn't like it after all? If your partner says they don't want anything for their bday, just get them something small, a token of affection like a cake or take them out to dinner/movie... don't buy them something you think they will like and expect them to like it
never-wake-up (fae/faer) 2 days ago
I feel like it's enrained into you since you're a kid that even if you don't like a gift you have to say thank you and act grateful about it. He could have returned it on his own a few days later or conveniently forgot to put it on his bike and sold it on ebay or something a few months later as he doesn't use it a lot or something. Tons of way he could have handled this more graciously The people saying he said he didn't want a gift seem to overlook that he wants the 500€ for himself instead, so imo he actually doesn't not want anything and possibly just says it as a way to present himself a certain way. My step-father does the same thing, saying he doesn't want anything for christmas/his birthday but he kicks up a fuss if we don't actually get him anything. Wouldn't be surprised if it's the same kind of situation here.
Fellfromthemoon 3 days ago
The bike doesn't necessarily have enough space or sufficiently thick/thin parts for mounting the camera and radar; the expensive system makes it a primary target for theft; moreover, possibly disturbs the husband during the ride. Like if someone has barely enough space for a seventeen-inch completely flat screen but receives a 34-inch curved one.
CK 3 days ago
It would have been his gift and his money if he accepted it and returned it. Instead, he rejected it.
Corvus 3 days ago
Technicallty, he didn't reject the gift, he just asked for a substitue, which is perfectly legit.
Load More Replies...
Judy Takács 1 day ago
I understand wife wanting to give him safety technology after the accident…I might do the same, my husband had a bad bike accident and I'd love to buy him a thing that could prevent another one. I understand husband not wanting to use *this* particular kind of safety technology…My husband is "latest gadget" guy and I'm "I've done it for years without it" gal. I understand his saying, don't waste the money, just return it. What I don't get is "gimme the $500" You're married! All the money belongs to both of you! So, *give* it to him because you love him and he may be going through his own type of post accident psychological journey. Then talk to him about THAT, not the $500. Its very much besides the point.
Matthew Barabas 2 days ago
he specifically said he didnt want anything. you went and got him something anyway. YTA.
Reta Murphy 2 days ago
Male bike riders are a PITA but what do you expect from someone who sits and smashes their gonads and thinks it is fun. Sorry he rejected gift he doesn't get the money.
Deborah B 2 days ago
He's definately an a*****e, but he may also have taken the gift as an insult. It's kind of backhanded to give him expensive high-tech road safety equipment after an accident. He may be taking it as her saying that the accident was his fault, and he needs this additional traffic-awareness kit so he doesn't do it again. It may be the high-tech equivalent of giving him a red bike flag and training wheels.
Schmebulock 2 days ago
YTA for being a slave to the husband. If he didn't want the gift give him the receipt and let him return it, jam it up his butt, or whatever else he wants to do with it.
Ace 3 days ago
I don't understand married couples who would 'give' each other money as a present, so I think it's weird for him to demand it. If he wanted to buy something with it then he could have just asked for whatever as a gift instead, bit no. I confess that, as a cyclist, I would not be interested in such a device, just added weight, stuff to remove if I leave the bike parked up, stuff I'd need to charge up all the time, but that's just me and I most certainly would feel bad at not wanting to use it, so would at least make the effort for a while.
Corvus 3 days ago
I'm inclined to say YTA because 1) The wife didn't even try to find out the reason for the rejection of the gift - what if he has PTSD from that accident; 2) making gifts is about showing appreciation, not getting gratitude or some kind of reward for doing it; 3) giving and receiving gifts does not carry the obligation of gratitude - sometimes people don't like the gift you got them and that's okay, it happens to everyone; 4) she makes a lot of assumptions, mostly about him being ungrateful (maybe he is, but just doesn't want that particular item), and about him being ready to get on the bike again (maybe he really isn't but is just faking it).
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 days ago
Probably gonna get downvoted for this, but every single 'serious' cyclist I've ever known was an insufferable, stuck up arsehole - looks like he's just living up to the same stereotype.
Susie Elle 3 days ago
Somehow I get the feeling that the husband doesn't want this Garmin device because it'll make him look uncool on his bike.
Load More Replies... Debbie 3 days ago
It's rude to ask for cash if you don't want the gift. You either want the gift or not. He didn't, so it's back to the original plan. "Thanks hon for your thoughtfullness about keeping me safe for my own safety and your peace of mind, but I'm good. I really meant it that I didn't need anything, so you can return it and maybe we can spend it together as a family on a day out". Sometimes someone can be surprised when they say they don't NEED anything. A gift is not about giving someone something he needs. We don't need art, we don't need music, we don't need a new perfume to survive. A gift is about the thought behind it, about giving someone something they might enjoy. Giving a gift has two sides: The giver and receiver. Both should think about the other - the giver about what that person would like/want/appreciate. The receiver about why that gift was chosen, and the effort that went into it.
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 days ago (edited)
I love what you said and agree. I think that the idea of getting someone a gift because you wanted to get them a gift, and the receiver either really liking it or maybe not (but it doesn't matter cuz it's the thought that counts), went out when gift registry for every event became so commonplace. Now many adults (who should have learned to be gracious gift receivers) act like a spoiled 5-year-old at Christmas if they didn't get their favorite toy from santa...
Load More Replies... Alexandra 3 days ago
If you dont wan't a gift and return it to the giver, that's fine. If you want the money, you should have accepted the gift, waited a day and then return it yourself and get the money. Instead, this rather blunt knife in the drawer rejected the gift outright, insulted his wife and children and on top of all that asked her to return it and give him the money. This is one big man-baby.
Corvus 3 days ago (edited)
Reminder: You can't return a gift without a receipt. If the wife kept it, he would have to get it from her, which would have resulted in a similar situation. ("Why, do you intende to return it or something?!?")
Load More Replies... ThisIsMe 3 days ago
People just don't understand the concept of gift giving - it isn't an obligation. Once the gift is given, the recipient can do with as they see fit. Husband refused to accept the gift, so he's done. No replacement, no cash, no nothing. He would have been wiser to accept the gift and returned it for himself so he could use the cash for something else. He didn't. Too bad for him.
weatherwitch 2 days ago
This is insane! He's back training for a triathlon After being lucky to be Alive after that horrific accident. Now this affected him massively but it also affected his wife and wee children horrendously too. The kids then about six almost lost their dad and saw him in an horrendous state then very long physical and mental recovery which will have greatly affected them. He should be thinking here about His children, not himself. He didn't want anything, fair enough, however they chose to get something for daddy to keep daddy safe. After seeing that, any kid would be so happy at that. This is a gift about the entire family. A gift with extreme thought and love. I suppose he's too good now back to his triathlon training to possibly need safety equipment... He handled this Very badly. My initial thoughts were that he was struggling still and wasn't letting on, but training for a triathlon takes dedication and determination. This gadget could save his life...or prove whose car killed him...
Kira Okah 3 days ago
I admit that I am curious as to why it was rejected, because there doesn't seem to be anything here about asking him why. Not calling anyone an a-hole or not, because I am not touching the money part, but what if he thought that it meant that his family were blaming him for the accident?
Sunny Day 2 days ago
Cynical view - hubby isn't riding 20m frequently. He had a mudlife crisis after nearly dying and he is having an affair and spends that time with girlfriend. He's afraid the device has a locater included.
BewilderedBanana 3 days ago
Grown-äss adults acting like 5 year olds. When you give someone a gift, if it's not something they chose or asked for, you have no control (and neither should you have) over their reaction. They might like it, they might hate it or they might be completely indifferent. But if someone specifically says they want/need nothing, then there's a very high possibility that, whatever you get them, will be met with indifference. Once you gift something, it's the other person's to do as they please with it - keep it, enjoy it or exchange it, it's their choice. Maybe he could have acted happier in front of the kids, but then what happens when the gift is returned and you have to explain to them that he didn't like it after all? If your partner says they don't want anything for their bday, just get them something small, a token of affection like a cake or take them out to dinner/movie... don't buy them something you think they will like and expect them to like it
never-wake-up (fae/faer) 2 days ago
I feel like it's enrained into you since you're a kid that even if you don't like a gift you have to say thank you and act grateful about it. He could have returned it on his own a few days later or conveniently forgot to put it on his bike and sold it on ebay or something a few months later as he doesn't use it a lot or something. Tons of way he could have handled this more graciously The people saying he said he didn't want a gift seem to overlook that he wants the 500€ for himself instead, so imo he actually doesn't not want anything and possibly just says it as a way to present himself a certain way. My step-father does the same thing, saying he doesn't want anything for christmas/his birthday but he kicks up a fuss if we don't actually get him anything. Wouldn't be surprised if it's the same kind of situation here.
Fellfromthemoon 3 days ago
The bike doesn't necessarily have enough space or sufficiently thick/thin parts for mounting the camera and radar; the expensive system makes it a primary target for theft; moreover, possibly disturbs the husband during the ride. Like if someone has barely enough space for a seventeen-inch completely flat screen but receives a 34-inch curved one.
CK 3 days ago
It would have been his gift and his money if he accepted it and returned it. Instead, he rejected it.
Corvus 3 days ago
Technicallty, he didn't reject the gift, he just asked for a substitue, which is perfectly legit.
Load More Replies... Judy Takács 1 day ago
I understand wife wanting to give him safety technology after the accident…I might do the same, my husband had a bad bike accident and I'd love to buy him a thing that could prevent another one. I understand husband not wanting to use *this* particular kind of safety technology…My husband is "latest gadget" guy and I'm "I've done it for years without it" gal. I understand his saying, don't waste the money, just return it. What I don't get is "gimme the $500" You're married! All the money belongs to both of you! So, *give* it to him because you love him and he may be going through his own type of post accident psychological journey. Then talk to him about THAT, not the $500. Its very much besides the point.
Matthew Barabas 2 days ago
he specifically said he didnt want anything. you went and got him something anyway. YTA.
Reta Murphy 2 days ago
Male bike riders are a PITA but what do you expect from someone who sits and smashes their gonads and thinks it is fun. Sorry he rejected gift he doesn't get the money.
Deborah B 2 days ago
He's definately an a*****e, but he may also have taken the gift as an insult. It's kind of backhanded to give him expensive high-tech road safety equipment after an accident. He may be taking it as her saying that the accident was his fault, and he needs this additional traffic-awareness kit so he doesn't do it again. It may be the high-tech equivalent of giving him a red bike flag and training wheels.
Schmebulock 2 days ago
YTA for being a slave to the husband. If he didn't want the gift give him the receipt and let him return it, jam it up his butt, or whatever else he wants to do with it.
Ace 3 days ago
I don't understand married couples who would 'give' each other money as a present, so I think it's weird for him to demand it. If he wanted to buy something with it then he could have just asked for whatever as a gift instead, bit no. I confess that, as a cyclist, I would not be interested in such a device, just added weight, stuff to remove if I leave the bike parked up, stuff I'd need to charge up all the time, but that's just me and I most certainly would feel bad at not wanting to use it, so would at least make the effort for a while.
Corvus 3 days ago
I'm inclined to say YTA because 1) The wife didn't even try to find out the reason for the rejection of the gift - what if he has PTSD from that accident; 2) making gifts is about showing appreciation, not getting gratitude or some kind of reward for doing it; 3) giving and receiving gifts does not carry the obligation of gratitude - sometimes people don't like the gift you got them and that's okay, it happens to everyone; 4) she makes a lot of assumptions, mostly about him being ungrateful (maybe he is, but just doesn't want that particular item), and about him being ready to get on the bike again (maybe he really isn't but is just faking it).
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