Dude still participates in the first kid's life via child support, that's far from being a deadbeat dad really. He wasn't ready, other party refused to abort/adopt out, he still paid child support, end of discussion.

A woman can have abortion, even if her boyfriend is oppose. The same way, a man can revoke his parent's rights. Each one in the couple can head in different direction, it's normal. It's not normal to force someone else decision on other.

Has the definition of "deadbeat" in terms of parenting changed? He pays child support and has a trust/college fund for a child he did not want! Deadbeats do nothing but provide some DNA! I don't understand the YTA folks.

NTA, those women are just incredibly immature. It obviously wasn't an ideal situation, but he'd made his position clear from the start, and didn't try to get out of his responsibility and readily paid child support etc. It is absolutely possible for him to now be a good father with his wife at a point that he's ready to be. It'd be much worse if he was begrudgingly involved with the child so they grew up feeling resented. Honestly he sounds like a pretty good man to me.

Callie chose to have the baby because she thought it would tie Tim to her. Makes me wonder if the pregnancy was actually unplanned. And - if Callie had decided she wasn't ready to be a parent, she had the option of abortion. End of discussion. But guys don't have a "get out of jail free card". They have no rights in deciding IF they want to be a parent, once a pregnancy is confirmed. But they get badmouthed for not transforming into a perfect parent at the whim of the child's mother. I can definitely understand not wanting to be a parent, and if I got pregnant I'd have gotten an abortion. So I feel sorry for guys like Tim who got stuck in a situation that was not his choice.

Truly, our comments about whether or not the bio dad was a good dad or not is just our own feelings on the matter. Our feelings don't count at all in the grand scheme of this couple. Personally, from her update, it sounds like they and the other couple are doing a wonderful thing for the 12-year-old. She gets the benefits of having money in the bank, plus she gets adopted by a man who loves her. If she's not suffering from not knowing her bio dad, then why should the Reddit community at large complain?

Just because someone renounces their child immediately doesn’t mean they can’t later on be a good parent. I think OP’s husband was very up front about his wishes with the kid, and all the hope in the world from the kid’s mom isn’t gonna change his feelings. It is like he gave her up for adoption and he still provided his ex with child support. There is no reason for him to feel anything for the child just because his sperm conceived her. It’s be like every woman who used a sperm donor expecting the donor to be involved in the kids life.

I don't buy any of it, this sounds like a Creative Writing Assignment with a mandatory "And they all lived happily ever after!" ending after the scripted 'twists'. Call the clean-up crew, there are cow pies everywhere!

What amazes me is the fact there is an agreement between the mother and bio father that included child support, therefore he is NOT a deadbeat father. And the acknowledgement that he would not be involved in this child's life. At this point, I would think it would negatively disrupt a 12 year old girl's life to suddenly have a stranger thrust at her and told it's her bio father. People need to respect the decisions made by the girl's parents. AND BU*T OUT, it's NOT their business.

Other mom is toxic AF. She desperately needs psychological help.

It's not being a deadbeat, when you are crystal clear from the start, that you do not want the child. The selfish parent is the mother raising a child without a father, dissing the dad, and taking his money. That child has to go through life knowing it wasn't wanted. I'm a woman. If I got pregnant, and the dad didn't want the child, and I couldn't financially be solely responsible for that child, I wouldn't have it. That's setting that child up for a life of heartache. If you're not ready (which he wasn't) you shouldn't be a parent, regardless of gender. How many children have horrible upbringings because they weren't planned but the parents still raised them in an unloving, irresponsible environment?

I'm glad things landed well

So because a man didn't want to be a father too early he's suddenly not allowed to be a father at all? Because that's the vibe I get from some of the comments.

It is not amazing that while you are fighting here, 4 adults are really figure out how to resolve the problem. Please people dont be Jane, not because life has not being working for you means you can judge and screwed others. Tim and his ex girlfriend figure out at that time one wasn't not ready the other want a baby. He is a good father, and the girl has a father so stop to create a sad story like he abandoned his daughter, he doesn't care about her and the girl is lonely and in questionable situations.

The woman wanted to keep the pregnancy and did. Sounds like these two need a new friend group.

Not saying this is what happened, but it wouldn't been crazy to think that Callie saw the relationship fading but was still in love with Tim, so she got pregnant hoping it would get him to stay with her. I'm glad she met Sal and that Ellie seems to have a loving family, not a mother that resents her. Jane needs some therapy to get over her miscarriage.

And this is why we keep our nose out of other people's business, Jane. Tim fulfilled his financial responsibilities, which means he's not a deadbeat. He stayed consistent in his refusal to be part of the child's life, which is far better for her than for him to be an unenthusiastic participant. The child has an excellent father in Sal, and Callie obviously has no desire to have Tim pop in and call himself Daddy. Everyone was fine except for Jane, who needed to stir up drama for.... entertainment? Whatever. Jane, MYOB.

Thanks for sharing valuable content. https://www.dailyjotting.com

This comment has been deleted.

I know a positive ending but sorta YTA to the lady for going off about being a good father among others well aware of the situation. It was being tone deaf even tho the bio mom was fine. A little weird. But yay, happy mature ending.

Your Husband's the A*****e. Why is the onus ALWAYS on women to prevent pregnancy? If he didn't want a child He should have used protection, any type of protection at all times. He didn't and he got someone pregnant.