I sympathize, but agree that the dad should take a little more hands on (as he admits). Say "I'm taking the boys out today" and go do something fun. Phrase it as a "mom gets a self care day" or whatever. She won't be on board to start with, she's been left in charge for 4 years. But the combination of therapy, preschool, and dad jumping in may get this turned around.

Notwithstanding my doubts about a child of 4 making a comment about what skills he was supposed to be learning and the OP actively preventing the mother from discussing this with the child's teacher (not suss at all), if the kid genuinely does not know how to play, then it's just as much the fault of the father as the mother. Has the father not ever played with his kid at all? Taken the kid to the park, built a fort with pillows, made pancakes together or done literally any of the things he is accusing his wife of not doing?

My eldest sister does this to her daughter. When my niece is around the rest of the family they make a concerted effort to get her to play because she spends all her time at home being controlled, manipulated, and "educated" to death. My sister thinks she's doing her a favour and being mom of the year, but what she really wants is to treat my niece like a clone and she's just trying to mold her into new improved version of herself. It's incredibly frustrating because my sister will even intercept gifts and if she doesn't think they're educational enough she'll simply give them away to charity. My brother-in-law has had many conversations and is finally getting through to her, but it's slow work. Luckily whenever he has a day/weekend off he does daddy/daughter days and gets her having real fun. For myself I'm preparing for their eventual war when she becomes a teenager. I live across the country, but I've been laying the groundwork for her to come stay for a summer or two with me and just have a blast when she's older. Let your kids have fun ffs!

I like to bring my children to playgrounds they can be kids and have fun playing with other kids. Or give them a small trolley they can push when shopping.

Well done, Dad to get behind it!

Working in restaurants, these types of parents drive me INSANE! It could be very evident that I'm getting my àss beat cuz we're so busy, the table will say they're ready to order, and then mom will start talking to the 2yo, "Okay, what do you want to eat...?" as she starts listing all the options. "Okay, what side do you want....?" It's a fukcing 2yo, give him chicken strips like be usually has and let me move on!!! Or when it comes time to pay, they'll give their card to the littlest child to practice paying (cuz EVERY 2yo needs to know how to use a credit card, right?!?!) , and then that kid proceeds to run around the table with the card while I stand there trying to get these fukcheads to pay their bill. All the while, completely oblivious to the world around them that they are forcing delays on cuz they want their 2yo to learn age-inappropriate skills. 😡

Surprise surprise not having fun or getting to enjoy things is actually incredibly harmful

Kids learn more from playing, exploring and experiencing than actual lessons. The more fun you have the more you remember later. You can teach about fruits, or you can let your kids taste a lemon for themselves, fun for all. If you want to warn them from danger tell them a fairy tale. If you want to teach them about gravity, actually let them ride a ride! They'll feel it. That said, I feel for mom as well. I bet she means well and wants to give her kids a head start in life... I can't imagine she isn't stressed out herself from all this teaching and never enjoying watching her kids just play. I hope they can all get the help they need. And OP... Just play with your kids... Dads play differently than moms, kids need the "dad kind" of play. Chase 'em, be a "monster", wrestle with them. All that kind of fun stuff.

Im so glad he understood how demented and selfish this behavior is. They need bith family counciling and she desperately needs therapy

Here's my idea, as a child once ,a parent and a grand parent. Why don't you start acting like a man instead of a little girl letting his mommy tell you what to do. You are supposed to be the man. Tell her what your going to do and that's that. You grow up.

I was lightly YTA with the dad because just because HE personally finds how she was teaching the kids annoying, as long as the kids were having fun and/or okay with it then I don't really seen an issue. But he clarified that they were, in fact, NOT having fun so it's NTA. The thing is you could turn everything into a learning/skill based game by just picking one thing to teach them instead of literally everything.

Mom sounds like one of those highly competitive "tiger mothers" who want their children to excel. She may reconsider her approach if a professional in child development has a heart-to-heart with her. Teaching your kids is great, but they should never feel that everything they do is some kind of test.

He is a weak parent. He can just take his kids and go on the Ferris wheel or other fun activities and not do everything his wife says.

This is how I imagine "tiger moms" to be. Poor kids. Kudos to OP for not just blaming their wife but also accepting guilt of their own

Most young animals ‘play’ to learn, they pretend to hunt, pretend to fight, pretend to hide, they watch their siblings and their parents and emulate what they see and experience. Playing helps the brain to learn and connect itself together, it grows social and cognitive skills. There’s a reason why we naturally want to and enjoy playing, it works.

Gone seems to be the days when children were left to learn and problem solve by themselves. Within reason, of course.

Correlation isn't always causality. The kid might be neurodivergent and would exhibit those behaviors in the face of any parenting. While the Mom is over the top, I think it's fair to say that women face far greater social scrutiny and judgment for their kids than men do, and sometimes that can affect parenting. If my kids wanted to walk to school in the winter without a coat (10 minute walk) I'd shrug and consider it a good lesson for them. My wife wouldn't hear of it, I think in part because she knew other Moms and teachers would judge her.

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The dad seems like a waste of space. He could be a lot more hands on and give his wife a break. She’s doing her best. If he actually engaged with his own kids he could provide more balance to their upbringing instead of leaving it all up to her and bitching about it.