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“Am I The Jerk For Watching And Not Doing Anything While My Wife Was Being Kicked Out Of My Company?”
“Am I The Jerk For Watching And Not Doing Anything While My Wife Was Being Kicked Out Of My Company?”
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“Am I The Jerk For Watching And Not Doing Anything While My Wife Was Being Kicked Out Of My Company?”

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Whether we have personal experience with it or not, we all know that being in a controlling relationship is a nightmare. Unfortunately, despite the fact that nearly 40% of women have experienced coercive control from a partner, some still feel entitled to track their partner’s every move and look for reasons to pick fights. 3 weeks ago, Reddit user throwa37736 shared the story of how his wife barged into his place of work and ended up having to be removed by security for being disruptive. Below, you can read the full story, as well as some of the responses from other readers, and decide how you feel about the situation. Let us know what you think in the comments, and then if you’re looking for another Bored Panda piece featuring relationship red flags, look no further than right here.

RELATED:

    3 weeks ago, one husband shared on Reddit how his wife barged into a meeting at his office just to yell at him for turning his phone off

    Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Vanessa Garcia (not the actual photo)

    The wife caused such a scene that security had to escort her out of the building

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    Each couple has their own way of handling disputes; some people immediately address issues head-on, while others want to take time to process before deciding how to handle a conflict. Whether you and your partner stay calm or become emotionally charged in arguments, it’s important to understand that there is a time and a place for those conversations. Usually, fighting in public makes a situation worse, as it may add layers of embarrassment, humiliation and resentment. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow, “There is a fine line between disagreements in public — which can be healthy — and arguments or fights in public, which can ruin a relationship. The key is keeping the disagreement from escalating into the argument and keeping an argument from escalating into a fight.”

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    In the case of this particular story, the wife didn’t even allow her husband the opportunity to have a productive conversation. The way she handled this situation was toxic, as she violated a boundary and refused to wait to have a calm conversation when he got home. And this hostile confrontation is a huge sign that this wife does not know how to maintain a healthy relationship. According to Sabrina Romanoff, a therapist in New York City, “In a healthy relationship, partners have honest and non-hostile communication. While they may not be eye-to-eye on everything, they view disagreements as information about their partner, not a fight to be won.”

    Sadly, people often assume that men are the only ones who exhibit toxic behavior and signs of abuse in relationships, but that’s not the case at all. Women are equally as capable of being manipulative and controlling in relationships. For a relationship to be functioning healthily, both parties must agree to treat one another with respect, understanding and trust, things that were clearly lacking here. We’re glad that the husband did not end up losing his job, but hopefully this eye-opening incident was a turning point for him. Let us know how you feel about this situation down below and how you would respond if you were in the husband’s shoes.

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    Readers have unanimously told the husband that he did nothing wrong and warned him about the signs of abuse

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    Adelaide May Ross

    Adelaide May Ross

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    Read less »
    Adelaide May Ross

    Adelaide May Ross

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Author, Community member

    Read more »

    Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

    Read less »

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Author, Community member

    Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

    What do you think ?
    SillyPandaBunny
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should definitely stay with her mom. Do not let her back in the home. She’s abusive and you should file a restraining order.

    SCP-3998
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Swap the gender roles, and you would have already called the cops and had a restraining order set against any dude who did shït like this. NTA and wife is abusive with zero respect for your boundaries. Run or get therapy.

    MiriPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Abuse. Divorce. Also weird, I never worked in an office that didn't have keycards and /or reception. No one from outside could have barged into a meeting room.

    Marco Conti
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In smaller companies is not that unusual. At least it wasn;t in the early 2K when I still worked corporate. Also in some companies if a spouse shows up, everyone assumes they are there for a good reason, not yell at their employee.

    Load More Replies...
    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First off, this person is being abused. Secondly, if he doesn't start documenting everything, I have no doubt that she will turn this around on him and say that he is abusing her. Thirdly, most people turn their phone off at work so that they don't disturb anyone. And the most important thing, what in the world is wrong with this woman? You don't go into your spouse's place of work and have a tantrum and then be surprised you got thrown out. That's ridiculous. He needs to go to the police and get a restraining order right now and then start divorce proceedings.

    Phyzzi
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, you don't travel to someone's work, get in, find them in a meeting because you "just lost your temper". This isn't someone yelling because they finally got too frustrated, this is someone who had to make a long and calculated trip while not showing enough anger to be apprehended before barging in to a meeting that I doubt was happening next to an external door. The good news is that it sounds like the company is not victim (blaming and would likely be supportive or at least not punitive) if the employee came forward asking for help.

    Load More Replies...
    Inclusion2020
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He thinks being screamed at for not doing a few dishes or filling up the gas tank is normal. So sad. It’s not normal. The wife is abusive whether it’s due to mental health issues or not. Hope a resolution is found for this man. He should not have to continue living like this.

    John Baker
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For some reason, men seem to marry women who remind them of their mothers. Perhaps he thinks it's normal because his mother was the same way.

    Load More Replies...
    StayClassy
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "You embarassed me!" No, honey, you embarassed you.

    The Last Silent Tiger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agree, but moreover, there was no understanding that she embarrassed him multiple times previously.

    Load More Replies...
    Jennifer Dibble
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once called my husband's work and made him cancel a meeting he had personally scheduled... because my water had just broke and I needed him to drive me to the hospital to give birth. That is the one time in 19 years I've ever demanded his work drag him out of something for me. Well, I didn't even demand. I just said, "this is so-and-so's wife. My water just broke. I need someone to find him and tell him." Even in that situation, I want about to demand anything. If I can wait 10 minutes in that case while my husband calls me back, this crazy woman can definitely wait until her husband gets home to air her complaints.

    Louise B
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This illustrates the double standards at play in society. Many people just can't understand that men can suffer physical, emotional and financial abuse. The Depp/Heard trial is another example. Depp won his case, but the newspapers in the UK have totally disregarded this fact, and continue to demonise him. It's insulting to the jury - they saw all the evidence and reached their verdict.

    Iifa A.
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Red Flag! Please seek out professional help, record everything she does, protect yourself and your assets. Hire a lawyer, make sure to inform all relationships you have that she might be coming in like a ball of fire. Make sure you handle this. This is a behaviour where the "I love you, you're my wife" the best action is to divorce and let her go. Maybe get her professional help in a facility. Please seek help, if she blames you now imagine what she will tell if she doesn't get access to your work, you might just as well become accused of abuse and violence yourself!!!! Divorce is a minimum response after these repeated actions, if love is still blinding - record everything, or you might just as well soon be labelled wife beated, abuser. Everytime I hear about women or men behaving like this, I want to adopt and give you all a safe place. You deserve better in life than putting yourself in line of fire to protect someone who is meant to support and celebrate you with love and respect.

    Marnie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not a red flag. That's just the actual thing that a red flag might warn you in advance about. This along is divorceable offense, not a red flag.

    Load More Replies...
    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    donna peluda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Therapy!!! if it were a man he'd be in jail. I had the same problem with an ex. I worked as a doorman at a club, and she would come in and if she saw me talking with other girls, part of my job, she would attack them. Police said the same sh**, talk to her, she jealous because she loves you. After several episodes of rage and violence I tried to leave, she pulled a kitchen knife on me. I still have a cut on my finger from disarming her. She reported me for battery and guess what, they came to my house and handcuffed me and took me down the station. The fact was I had been working from 10 pm till 5 am in one club and then in a after hour till 11 am and been speaking with plain clothes police at the afterhours (they came a lot) got me out of trouble. That and the fact that I had to fingers bandaged up. Even then they said that even though the rent was in my name she had the right to stay. In the end I had to leave because things got worse and for my own sanity and the risk of losing it.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    SillyPandaBunny
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should definitely stay with her mom. Do not let her back in the home. She’s abusive and you should file a restraining order.

    SCP-3998
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Swap the gender roles, and you would have already called the cops and had a restraining order set against any dude who did shït like this. NTA and wife is abusive with zero respect for your boundaries. Run or get therapy.

    MiriPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Abuse. Divorce. Also weird, I never worked in an office that didn't have keycards and /or reception. No one from outside could have barged into a meeting room.

    Marco Conti
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In smaller companies is not that unusual. At least it wasn;t in the early 2K when I still worked corporate. Also in some companies if a spouse shows up, everyone assumes they are there for a good reason, not yell at their employee.

    Load More Replies...
    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First off, this person is being abused. Secondly, if he doesn't start documenting everything, I have no doubt that she will turn this around on him and say that he is abusing her. Thirdly, most people turn their phone off at work so that they don't disturb anyone. And the most important thing, what in the world is wrong with this woman? You don't go into your spouse's place of work and have a tantrum and then be surprised you got thrown out. That's ridiculous. He needs to go to the police and get a restraining order right now and then start divorce proceedings.

    Phyzzi
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, you don't travel to someone's work, get in, find them in a meeting because you "just lost your temper". This isn't someone yelling because they finally got too frustrated, this is someone who had to make a long and calculated trip while not showing enough anger to be apprehended before barging in to a meeting that I doubt was happening next to an external door. The good news is that it sounds like the company is not victim (blaming and would likely be supportive or at least not punitive) if the employee came forward asking for help.

    Load More Replies...
    Inclusion2020
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He thinks being screamed at for not doing a few dishes or filling up the gas tank is normal. So sad. It’s not normal. The wife is abusive whether it’s due to mental health issues or not. Hope a resolution is found for this man. He should not have to continue living like this.

    John Baker
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For some reason, men seem to marry women who remind them of their mothers. Perhaps he thinks it's normal because his mother was the same way.

    Load More Replies...
    StayClassy
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "You embarassed me!" No, honey, you embarassed you.

    The Last Silent Tiger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agree, but moreover, there was no understanding that she embarrassed him multiple times previously.

    Load More Replies...
    Jennifer Dibble
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once called my husband's work and made him cancel a meeting he had personally scheduled... because my water had just broke and I needed him to drive me to the hospital to give birth. That is the one time in 19 years I've ever demanded his work drag him out of something for me. Well, I didn't even demand. I just said, "this is so-and-so's wife. My water just broke. I need someone to find him and tell him." Even in that situation, I want about to demand anything. If I can wait 10 minutes in that case while my husband calls me back, this crazy woman can definitely wait until her husband gets home to air her complaints.

    Louise B
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This illustrates the double standards at play in society. Many people just can't understand that men can suffer physical, emotional and financial abuse. The Depp/Heard trial is another example. Depp won his case, but the newspapers in the UK have totally disregarded this fact, and continue to demonise him. It's insulting to the jury - they saw all the evidence and reached their verdict.

    Iifa A.
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Red Flag! Please seek out professional help, record everything she does, protect yourself and your assets. Hire a lawyer, make sure to inform all relationships you have that she might be coming in like a ball of fire. Make sure you handle this. This is a behaviour where the "I love you, you're my wife" the best action is to divorce and let her go. Maybe get her professional help in a facility. Please seek help, if she blames you now imagine what she will tell if she doesn't get access to your work, you might just as well become accused of abuse and violence yourself!!!! Divorce is a minimum response after these repeated actions, if love is still blinding - record everything, or you might just as well soon be labelled wife beated, abuser. Everytime I hear about women or men behaving like this, I want to adopt and give you all a safe place. You deserve better in life than putting yourself in line of fire to protect someone who is meant to support and celebrate you with love and respect.

    Marnie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not a red flag. That's just the actual thing that a red flag might warn you in advance about. This along is divorceable offense, not a red flag.

    Load More Replies...
    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    donna peluda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Therapy!!! if it were a man he'd be in jail. I had the same problem with an ex. I worked as a doorman at a club, and she would come in and if she saw me talking with other girls, part of my job, she would attack them. Police said the same sh**, talk to her, she jealous because she loves you. After several episodes of rage and violence I tried to leave, she pulled a kitchen knife on me. I still have a cut on my finger from disarming her. She reported me for battery and guess what, they came to my house and handcuffed me and took me down the station. The fact was I had been working from 10 pm till 5 am in one club and then in a after hour till 11 am and been speaking with plain clothes police at the afterhours (they came a lot) got me out of trouble. That and the fact that I had to fingers bandaged up. Even then they said that even though the rent was in my name she had the right to stay. In the end I had to leave because things got worse and for my own sanity and the risk of losing it.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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