Absolutely warranted reaction. As a cold coffee drinker I mostly feel bad for the loss of a third cup of coffee in this situation. Also now I really want cold coffee.

Oh gods I HATE passive parents who just stand around saying "I don't know why they don't listen.." DO SOMETHING! Find out, take them to a therapist, counselor, doctor, LEARN HOW TO PARENT. She's 12, FAR old enough to know better.

A splash of cold drink won't hurt her. Anna and her lackadaisical mother definitely deserved a wake up call.

NTA and WHY????? Would you ever invite Demon spawn and mother, and your brother to anything ever again?? Seriously just because you are related, to your brother, there is no law saying that you have to be subjected to such a horrible child. And sorry, according to child psychologists by 11 years old the behavior issues, good or bad are set in stone. This is the base attitude that this person will become as she grows older. Maybe not with a fly swatter, but disrespectful, rude, entitled and an all around unappealing person. Good job Spawn's mother. You created a monster because you couldn't be bothered to do the hard work when she was younger. I would be sure to have zero to do with that entire family unit going forward and be clear as to why. Calling YOU a C#@! Seriously???? I'd have returned with, " I'd rather be a C@#! Than a horrible mother."

Not only NTA, but if I had been there I would have applauded. Brother and GF would never be invited again.

ESH. Anna's an a*****e who gets it from her mother. Brother is an a*****e for taking zero responsibility at all. And OP's wife is an a*****e for spilling so much goddamn good coffee! It's the worst part of the whole story! Throw the first cup at her so you can drink the rest. /s

My Grandmother used a cold cup of water to stop temper tantrums at her house. All it took was one time. It shocks the system out of the tantrum. I will probably get down voted for this comment, but it was a harmless technique. No, she didn't water board anyone. Just one small tea cup.

I would have asked the mother to either control their kid or to take their kid and leave as soon as the kid started knocking over things. Any kid over the age of 5 should know that it is unacceptable to behave in this manner. I think that the fact that the OP does not have kids may be why they were that patient.

'Bad' behaviour is a learned behaviour. She wants attention. But her mother (backed up by boyfriend) need to show that you get attention (and praise) for being good, and punished for being an a**e.

3 coffees?? Multiple times warned the kid ánd the parents? And the stupid hitting didn't stop? NTA (but I also feel sorry for Anna, maybe she is jealous on her little brothers? Is it possible they get more love and attention from the parents than the daughter? )

Oh boo hoo. OP's bro and GF are so-o-o-o-o offended that an adult won't put up with a child's s****y behavior. Oh, the HORROR! I'll bet it's the first time someone struck back at the little demon-in-training. They should consider it a friendly warning, as well as a clue that non-parenting results in rotten kids. If those two don't rein Anna in NOW, the next visit they receive could be from a police officer saying, "We are sorry to inform you......"

Wow! At 12 she knows better, just a brat. Your wife's reaction was a mild one to be honest. If someone hit me in the face or anywhere else with some nasty flyswatter & dumped over my cold coffee, they'd be lucky to just come out of it wet...Your brother's a fool if he sticks with her, eventually he will also be responsible & accountable for that girl's actions. YIKES!

I've been in a similar situation and my instinct was to go after the AH parent. I literally told the parent to get their kid or I was going to beat them (the parent, not the kid) and told the kid if they kept trying me then they can watch mommy get dog walked. They left. Kid actually behaves around me now, still a jerk, but gives me hugs every time they see me and shows me respect.

I think she handled it better than me. I personally would have taken the swatter from the demon spawn & gave her mother a swat! Lol

Warranted reaction and this could absolutely be a sign of poor parenting, but she sounds a bit like a kid with untreated ADHD I used to know, so it might be worth having her checked out by a psychiatrist, I don't think it's ODD since she's not acting out or defying her mom on purpose, she also isn't blaming anyone else for her behavior and simply doesn't seem to care since she can get away with it. On another note the mom and kid are lucky OP is so patient. The kid risks getting punched in the face if she does this to random people with worse self-control than OP

Glad they’re banned from the camp. Those kind of parents absolutely make me sick.

Husband should have stepped up and made a stronger effort before his wife got smacked in the forehead. Don't let her be the "bad guy" to his brother's bad decision.

This shouldn't even be up for debate. Wife had every right to dump the coffee on a kid, who at 12 years old, knew damn well what she was doing. Problem is her parents. I would be mortified if my child started behaving that way and began antagonizing the HOST. F*ck parents like that.

‘…your demon spawn…’ 🤣🤣🤣

I think that since her brothers are well behaved the girl most likely has some problems that should be looked into, she ought to be evaluated by a specialist.

Would have been more epic for your wife to say either she chucked the coffee because there was a fly in it an oops. Or that there was a fly on the kiddo an tried to drown it. I'm surprised your wife didn't chuck the coffee on the mom too. Hope your bro wises up an leaves her before he Loses his family because of her.

I have a hard time condoning this action against a child, but I can certainly understand it also. I would like to hope that maybe in the future, cut off outings with people that have kids like this, BEFORE it gets to this point. But now that it's all said and done, I would say apologize for the action, but make your reason VERY clear and state, and stick to, not spending any time with them if the child will b there. And if they show up with her, they will b leaving and any potential funds paid, will NOT be refunded as they will know.

I'm surprised OP's wife had the restraint to not grab the swatter & smack the spoiled little witch right back in the face.

Another example of what happens when you don’t set boundaries for children. They ”learn” behaviour from the parents acting as much as from them not acting. The worst thing is the mother saying ”I don’t know why she does that”. It reveals a lot about her. Maybe she was brought up the same way. I’m wondering if the daughter might have a real problem, a psychiatric one.

Honestly I would have taken all fly shatters. But I probably would have grabbed it the second time she hit me and told her mom if she does it again I'm going use the fly swatted on her a$s.

Oh, you don't like how I disciplined your child? Then don't make me have to discipline your child.

As much as I agree with the OP that the parents should have done stuff to correct Anna, I'm still wondering how can she be acting so horribly when her younger brothers are well-behaved... could there be some past trauma or smth?

Heather should have dumped the coffee on girlfriend.

Not an ahole.

My son tried something like this when he was ten. He considered it "playing". He changed his mind when my bil snatched it, swatted him, and then asked if he still thought it was fun. My husband and I told him that he asked for it, as he had been asked to stop by everyone. He learned a lesson that day. He wasn't hurt btw, there would have been a fight if he had been.

if the brat's behavior doesnt improve eventually shes going to p**s of someone who wont have problems with teaching her manners the painful way

I can see why OPs wife did that, but honestly 2 wrongs don't make a right. This child obviously has issues and there doesn't seem to be any attempt to address those. She's out of place, that's obvious, she's in that strange place of no longer being a young child or an adult. Doesn't excuse her behavior but it seems like no one cares. As for the correct reaction to her behavior I'm not sure but throwing coffee- cold or hot, was not a suitable adult reaction

Oh, man. If I had done that ONE time, I'd have gotten in to so much trouble, especially at someone else's place. I knew manners from the time I started understanding what they were. Both my parents and grandparents made sure I behaved myself. I'd have been sent out in one of those canoes for the rest of the day and ignored!

Looks like they both fûcked around and found out

What the GF doesn't realize is that there are adults out there who can't stand kids. At. All. If sweet (?!) little Anna ever pulls the flyswatter number or something similar with one of THEM, she could easily end up having her face permanently rearranged. Or worse. FAR worse. If nothing else, if the behavior is allowed to continue, by the time her mother get around to doing something about it, the law and CPS may have had to step in. It'll cost a lot of money to clean up the mess, AND get her daughter back.

The mother should’ve removed herself and her daughter from that situation after it became obvious the kid was not actually killing any flies and was just being a brat. Unacceptable behaviour

I definitely don't think the brother is to blame. If he stepped in the mother and 12 yr old would likely turn on him. The mother is to blame and a lazy useless mother at that. Kid is acting out because of her indifference. I feel sorry for the wife and although don't necessarily agree with throwing coffee over the girl (I probably would have done worse) it's a great reflex! Good on her. Feel sorry for the 2 little boys who are probably neglected because they don't act out.

The worst kid is always someone else's kid.

Coffee should have punched the 12 year old in the face.

Poor Anna. Her mother has three kids that she started having at 18. Anna is so desperate for her Mother's attention and look what happens. People are vilifying her for her destructive behavior. Can't anyone else see what pain this little girl is in? She has to fight for mother's attention against two siblings, countless boyfriends, boy friends FAMILIES, I mean this is sickening. That poor girl.