He is a misogynistic pig. First he claims her value is tarnished when she dated other men while they were single "having a break". But it was "different" for him to see other women...because he is a man. He insulted her and the women he dated in one dung filled sentence because having are pee pee makes him "special". The puzzle issue was him breaking her down even further because her interests and hobbies have no value, because he said so, therefore he is right. If she hadn't left, he would have exulted in breaking his wife down to where she belongs, under his rotting thumbs. Dump the human refuse, he is pond scum.

He found her attractive but didn't love her, I see that a lot

My ex did the same to me. I had a little collection of German porcellan Christmas decorations, I'd buy myself a new one each year and really enjoyed arranging them together with our children. I loved them. He thought they were "stupid" and a "waste of space". They may have only been objects but his attitude was one of the reasons for the divorce. I have no regrets over my decision.

So he gets to call her hobbies "care home activities" but it is a problem that she won't join in his hobbies. And sleeping with other people "tarnishes" her worth but not his. Yeah, right. Good riddance.

Sad that OP doesn't see that her husband is an abuser. People seem to think that you need to have bruises and broken bones to have suffered from abuse. This asshat has been mentally and emotionally abusing OP. While her scars aren't visible for the world to see, she has them.

i'm tryna figure out why so many people think the puzzle of her and a friend is of her and the guy she slept with. nothing in there says that. it says it's a gift from a friend who moved away, somebody she graduated with. how y'all getting this was the f**k buddy outta that? y'all should be boxers with THAT long-a*s reach...

I'm curious if the puzzle was picture of the same "friend" she supposedly "cheated" with while on their break.

In this case, it was puzzles. But, if it was puzzles, cooking, skiing, whatever, it was something that was important to her, so even if he's not into it, he should at the very, very least respect that it is important to her. Not disrespect, downplay and insult it on a regular basis. This is a big red flag that the person (her in this case) is not respected as a person. Many years ago, an ex gf (ended up not being very long term, but still) was really into reality shows...I really, really do not like reality shows. But, because I liked her and respected her as a person and her intelligence and that she was her own person with her own likes, I would watch them with her all the time. If it was up to me, would I ever watch one on my own or have I since our relationship? Hell no! But, did I have fun enjoying something she loved with her and making her happy? Hell yes! But again, I respected her and am not a self centered Ahole, so there was that.

I'd be really interested to hear his side of the story to see how he would rationalise his thought processes. Easy NTA though.

He refused to take an interest in something important to you (the puzzles) but expected you to take an interest in his hobbies (going out and socializing). He threw out something that was expensive, irreplaceable and sentimental to you. What he did was intentionally hurtful and no one who loves you would do something like that. He’s selfish and immature. And everyone telling you that you’re making too big of a deal out of it needs to shut their mouths- others do not get to decide how important something is to you.

Sometimes it takes one ( as some would describe minute) off-the-cuff action to have an epiphany, and I feel it's these moments that speak the loudest.

A fair amount of their relationship as described reminds me of me and my ex, which makes me all the more grateful that he is not in my life anymore. As for OP, she is defnitely NTA - that was a custom-made (!) puzzle with clear sentimental value to her, and he just threw it out. Good riddance to him, hope she'll find happiness from here on out!

He had every right to declined participating in her hobby. My boyfriend and I share many hobbies, but also we have our own hobbies separate from one another. However, we do NOT disrespect the other person's hobby just because it's not something we personally enjoy. He loves horror movies (the gorier the better) and they make me physically ill. Yet, as long as he respectfully leaves out the worst of the details, I happily listen to him when he's excited about one he just saw. OP's (ex)husband is an abusive manipulator. He will only get worse if she doesn't get out of there.

What a piece of c**p human. It's really sad when you realize a person you knew for so long didn't actually value you as a person but as an accessory. It's also sad that some people in her life don't get why she put so much value on these puzzles. That's something that gives her an escape,something she enjoys doing and collecting,she doesn't need to give any explanation as to why. I think any normal person would be upset to find out your spouse who is supposed to be your number 1 fan and supporter,just threw away stuff you cherished. She should throw him out to the trash where he belongs and find someone who appreciates her for who she is.

Friends? With someone who denigrated her and then threw away her prized posessions? Nope, nope and nope.

It's not about the puzzle, it's about the disregard and disrespect. Glad she left, fck that guy.

You can label anything as "just a X". It's irrelevant what that object is, what matters is what that thing is to someone else. Anyone that tells you that something you think is important isn't, is an a*****e.

Boy does he sound insensitive and tone deaf... This isn't only about a puzzle, that is just the symptom, not the root of the problem. If that was the case, time might heal that wound. The real problems is that he either doesn't understand how she works at all, alternatively he just don't care about how he is hurting her with his choice of wording/message. If it is the first option that is the case, it might be fixable, if they figure out how to communicate properly, which will most likely require a therapist, as they have clearly demonstrated that they cannot figure this out on their own. If it is the second option, that he delibrately wanted to hurt her by destroying something that is of value to her, she is right in packing her stuff and running away.

Considering nothing else, I have around $1000 dollars in puzzles on my shelves, many no longer in print. If someone threw away my collection, I'd be taking them to court for the money to replace it. And divorcing them, never talking to them again, etc.

For everyone in the back: yeah, sometimes in a relationship you are really pissed and annoyed. But you never, ever, are ugly mean to each other. Sure, everyone fights but throwing a puzzle in the trash is just bullying and very mean..

It wasn't just the special puzzle he threw away, he threw away the whole collection! If it was a custom puzzle maybe her friend could have it made again, but a lot of puzzle companies discontinue old designs. She likely won't be able to recover a good portion of her collection. Really high quality puzzles can easily cost $20-40 these days. She must have spent many years and a lot of money collecting puzzles, only to have him toss it all out overnight. I've also loved puzzles since a kid and this would crush me. How cruel and vindictive, has he even apologized? How is this a 35 year old man? That's a child's response. Also, the "pretty face" part does not make up for him calling her "a waste." There's resentment behind those words. I'm glad she's divorcing him. I hope everyone in her life telling her she is wrong takes a hard look at themselves and ask why they are defending a misogynistic man child who is clearly not a good partner for OP.

I'm not surprised it took one seemingly small act to cause her reaction because there was a lot more going on. She says he's not abusive but from what she has said it's been 6 years of snide comments, blaming her for sleeping with someone while on a break while he did it too, valuing her only for her face... all these do add up to low level abuse that is corrosive long term. Ok we are only hearing one side of the story but as her mother didn't try and talk her into going back suggests others could see things going wrong in the marriage for a long time. Glad she's out and I hope she can find something or someone that make her happier

ten bucks says when he left the house he went to another woman.

The real problem here is that people like this stuff. They seek it out, and gobble it up, and luxuriate in the second-hand feelings of victimization.

OP'S soon-to-be ex is beyond misogynistic, he's an abusive narcissist. He actually believes that his wife is something you own, like a piece of jewelry or a charm bracelet. Except that he doesn't treat his wife with even that much respect. He is nothing but a piece of trash that needs to be hauled away ASAP. I hope OP strips him down to his pubic hair in court.