Valentine’s Day is approaching, pandas, and it’s about time to start thinking about how you’re going to make your significant other feel special. A heartfelt card, chocolates, a dozen roses or a romantic evening out on the town? As long as you both feel loved and appreciated, the day was a success. 

But if your partner is asking you to put in more effort, and you respond by pulling a cruel prank on them, you might be single next Valentine’s Day… Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on Reddit, detailing how one woman reached the final straw in her marriage, as well as a conversation with Dr. Lee Baucom of Save The Marriage. 

Everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated by their partner

Image credits: Andres Molina (not the actual photo)

So when this woman’s husband spent energy on pranking her instead of spoiling her, she knew their marriage was over

Image credits: Specialist-Ask-1719

Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual photo)

The next day, the wife shared an update on the situation

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Specialist-Ask-1719

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

“The husband was not pulling a prank, as much as trying to shame his wife”

Many people believe that once they’ve found their person and married them, the hard part is over. The two of you have committed to one another for the rest of your lives, and now it’s just smooth sailing! But in reality, we should never stop making our partner feel special. We should be affectionate and loving and work on wooing them forever, even if we’ve been married for 40 years. It’s important to keep that spark alive! According to a recent study of census data from the United States, about 74% of married people are actually happy in their relationships. And over a quarter of spouses admit that they compare their relationships to other married couples. 

To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to therapist and creator of Save The Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom. The expert shared with Bored Panda that it can be appropriate for couples to play pranks on each other, but it’s important that they both actually like pranks and enjoy that type of humor. “Many people do not like that,” Dr. Baucom noted. “I have had experiences with couples where one was playing pranks — for their own amusement — that was damaging and hurtful for the other’s self-esteem.”

“This happens when a prank humiliates or shames the person. In this situation, that is the case,” he shared. “The husband was not pulling a prank, as much as trying to shame his wife. Whenever someone shames someone else, it assumes some level of superiority. If I can shame you, then I have power. Which seems to be the recurring problem in this relationship. I suspect the husband feels insecure and inferior to his wife, and is pulling the prank to prove power.”

Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)

“Deny a spouse’s request for connection, and you deny growth in the relationship”

When it comes to making requests for a spouse to put more effort into the relationship, Dr. Baucom says this usually starts better as a conversation about how both are feeling about the current state and if they desire any changes. “An honest discussion from that perspective is usually about how each can improve the relationship, and how both can work together to build the relationship they both want,” the therapist explained.

Dr. Baucom also provided some insight into why the husband may have gone the route of pulling this prank. “While I don’t have any way of knowing his thoughts, I am going to guess that the wife’s request triggered his insecurities on his capacity as a husband, and perhaps as a man,” the expert shared. “Which is why I think he resorted to a ‘prank’ that was really his way of shaming. He was trying to indirectly and unfairly make a point, in a way that was demeaning and dismissive, all at the same time. He demeaned his wife’s contributions in the household, while at the same time, dismissing her request for more connection and attention.”

“Every relationship lives and dies by the connection the couple builds,” Dr. Baucom added. “Being responsive to requests for connection is very telling to the health of a relationship. Deny a spouse’s request for connection, and you deny growth in the relationship. But more than that, turning a request for connection against the spouse, and you diminish the trust in the relationship and the trust in you to give what is requested. To me, this was not a prank. It was a shaming action from the own feelings of inferiority in the husband.”

Image credits: Emilio Garcia (not the actual photo)

Women initiate two thirds of divorces in the United States

In the United States, women initiate two thirds of divorces. And while there may be many factors contributing to this number, one common reason women file for divorce is because they’re tired of having to juggle many responsibilities while their partners refuse to help out. Even when wives earn just as much as their husbands, they still spend more time on housework and caregiving, while their husbands enjoy more leisure time, the Pew Research Center has found.  

In the past, we didn’t see as many women filing for divorce because they were more likely to be reliant on their husbands financially. They might have tolerated abuse, infidelity, neglect or simply unhappy marriages because they felt they had no other options. But thankfully, today, women are feeling more and more empowered to put their feet down when they’re not being treated fairly. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to file for divorce following the “prank” that her husband pulled on her? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another article from Bored Panda discussing similar themes, look no further than right here. 

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

Readers applauded the wife for her decision and called out her husband for his behavior

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