My dad died at 37 after 12 years of marriage to my mum. She married my stepdad just over a year later. He died after 36 years with her. She loved him way more than she loved my dad. I don’t understand it but I accept it. I loved them both but differently. OP’s wife lost her first husband only a few months into their marriage when everything was new and she didn’t have time for the relationship to change into something other than that. It’s an idealistic memory and the reality of years together with responsibilities and children didn’t happen for them. It’s a few months frozen in time. I think if OP talks to her she will realise this and feel terrible that he is upset.

I lost my husband after 28 years. I could love again, but Philip will always be part of me. Who ever marries me would know that and accept that, as I would accept his late wife if he has one. A second marriage is different.

Look, we need to do away with the idea of 'love of my life' and 'soulmate'. You will meet so many people that you can love in so many ways. You don't have to let go of your lost love, but to act like it's a competition by using those words when you've married someone else is hurtful. Clearly you have more than one love of your life if you're married again, or at least should since the whole idea is to spend your life together and build a new future.

Early death makes people idolize the deceased. Think Marilyn Monroe, JFK or James Dean.

One of the things I've come to accept with age is that I'll never be "the one" in my relationships, as there's always been someone before who left an imprint, dead of alive. What l don't tolerate is the constant idealisation, or making the ex a recurrent topic of conversation. If l have to hear constant complaints about her or frequent references to her physical appearance l'm out. And that has happened with very alive exes. I'd be more understanding with a widower, especially if like the example, it was a one time drunken confession. Grief is love that never ended.

My husband was quite awful and abusive and when he died, I had a different problem - I was happy he set me free. People don't get that. It turns out they are afraid of widows and now I see why. For me, he had to die so I could remember the positive things about him. I'm so happy now. Would love maturely now. But my rule is not to talk about the past. I want to create future together, not live in the past. OP did it to himself having had drunk session with their past. I would not.

He's ridiculous. He's the number one in her life since 'the other guy' is DEAD! Of course her love for him will never cease. They never fell apart, and since he's dead, they never will. If you're dating a widow/widower, you have to be realistic. No one will ever replace the dead one. It's a very narcissistic and entitled idea to think that as soon as they see how great you are, their love for the dead person will cease to exist. And that's not only normal, it's perfectly fine. That person is dead. Unless you actively create a ridiculous situation by asking them to chose between you and a dead person, you don't have to compete with them ever, BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD! They're not you rival. Don't try to compete with them, since you will always lose, because it shows you don't respect your partner and the fact that they have their own, separate mind and personality independent from your existence. And that doesn't cease to exist just because you're there.

the issue doesnt exist. theres nothing bad done to warrent any judgement.

When I read the title, I thought her confession would be that none of the kids are his. Instead, someone decides to end their marriage instead of discussing his hurt feelings and trying counselling over something his wife doesn't remember saying. Some commenters in the follow-up suggested it was a fake story - and I don't blame them. I certainly hope it's fake, because he's about to blow up his family's life. Imagine telling the judge that you're divorcing your spouse because they got a teary-eyed flashback while rip-roaring drunk.

Statements made under the influence of alcohol should not be taken too seriously. Alcohol brings out false emotions.

I do not understand the reaction. Unless you marry your first partner, they have a past. If they are good people they loved their past partners, that doesn't mean they don't love you. OP has 3 kids, does he love them all in the same way? No, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love them fiercely or that he's a bad father. Wife is faithful, loving and they have an "amazing" family and relationship. If OP dies, does he think she stops loving him? This is unrealistic infantile BS to consider divorce because she loves her first husband. If you marry a good person, you can never be the only one they love, focus on being the one they are actively committed to, supporting and adoring. Guy needs a reality check.

Maybe you shouldn't look to the Internet for advice on your sob story. Maybe you and the wife with 3 kids shouldn't be getting blackout drunk. Maybe Bored Panda should look for more positive stories

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Get out now. Divorce. If she still wants him, see how she copes without you as well.