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“Like A Bullet Has Pierced My Heart”: Man Considers Divorce After Wife’s Drunken Confession
Love is a tricky thing. One moment you’re feeling goosebumps, the other you’re near blackout drunk admitting you will not love anyone more than your late husband… to your current husband.
This story popped up on Reddit recently because the current husband is now debating whether divorce is the only option. It’s not, but the question had to be asked considering the issue won’t be going away any time soon and feelings were hurt.
RELATED:
They say love and alcohol don’t mix well together, and someone eventually draws the short straw at the end of it
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
So was the case with this guy after getting properly drenched in spirits with the missus and her admitting to never having gotten over her late ex
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: InternalPanics
And so the question was passed on to folks online, discussing if divorce was truly the only way
Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The story is pretty short and straightforward: a couple of 10 years (and 3 kids) got super drunk and talked emotions for a bit until the Mrs. admitted she will never love anyone more than she did her late husband from roughly 15 years ago.
Because she was blackout drunk, she doesn’t remember a thing. But that seemed to have sobered the guy up in a moment. And he can’t shake it off now. He’s considering divorce.
Folks online weren’t as quick to suggest that idea just yet, but netizens prompted for seeking out therapy first. While he has the right to feel upset, it’s not a cause to call it quits after a decade together. Speaking is the way to go.
Needless to say, getting over the loss of a partner or spouse is difficult beyond belief
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The pain that loss entails is hardly compared to any other. Some might not find the energy, or even purpose, to go through it. But there are ways to go about it that might help.
The key things to focus on in that situation is: to allow yourself to grieve as long as needed and in your way; speak about it, be open with expressing your emotions and find a support group; and remember that grief is energy-intensive, and it might drain you, so treat yourself, take a break, and then celebrate the person you loved in between.
There is always a chance, however, of that person coming to idealize the partner. Death has that effect on people—even more so when it’s unexpected and abrupt. While nobody can truly replace someone, going through the same grief process discussed above will help.
It becomes a game of coping with grief and finding comfort through sharing the pain and receiving support from friends and family, accepting what has happened and accepting what is now happening.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Share your takes and stories in the comment section below! And if you need more drama, there’s plenty of it around these parts.
Folks were sympathetic and elaborated that the guy had every right to feel upset—therapy, however, was in their minds the better option
Even some widowers pitched their two cents in, sharing stories
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What do you think ?
Chez2202 1 year ago
My dad died at 37 after 12 years of marriage to my mum. She married my stepdad just over a year later. He died after 36 years with her. She loved him way more than she loved my dad. I don’t understand it but I accept it. I loved them both but differently. OP’s wife lost her first husband only a few months into their marriage when everything was new and she didn’t have time for the relationship to change into something other than that. It’s an idealistic memory and the reality of years together with responsibilities and children didn’t happen for them. It’s a few months frozen in time. I think if OP talks to her she will realise this and feel terrible that he is upset.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
We all tend to idealize those that we love after they die. Once someone passes all you really focus on are the happy memories you aren't living with them day to day having common quarrels or noticing annoying habits etc. It's understandable to me how someone would put a past relationship like that up on a pedestal but those feelings aren't based in reality.
Load More Replies...
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
No-one will ever win in comparison to first-love or a ghost - sounds like her first husband was both. So she has childlike bittersweet feelings, she built a life and a family with you. Also, WTF - straight to divorce?
Tabitha 1 year ago
They were both very young when he died. She probably has some lingering unresolved grief, as well as the idealization of a young husband who died before the “honeymoon period” of their marriage was over and the real work of marriage began. It doesn’t mean she totally rejects OP in favor of a ghost. OP needs to learn a lot about empathy.
Load More Replies...
Knitting Panda 1 year ago
I lost my husband after 28 years. I could love again, but Philip will always be part of me. Who ever marries me would know that and accept that, as I would accept his late wife if he has one. A second marriage is different.
Chez2202 1 year ago
I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you can find someone else to love and who will love you x
Load More Replies...
similarly 1 year ago
1. Drunk people are not reliable. They may overstate things, oversimplify, etc. They may outright lie, or say things they BELIEVE when they're drunk ... but which aren't reality. Trust me: drunk people say stupid stuff without thinking. 2. When a person marries a widow or widower, they have to understand that person will always love their spouse. Allow them to have pictures, allow them to celebrate their spouse's birthday and their anniversary. Let them cry on the anniversary of their death. When you marry a widow or widower, their former spouse also becomes a part of your life. If you're not willing to accept that, don't marry a widow or widower. Love isn't finite. When you love someone, and they die, you can still love someone else with all your heart, and you don't have to stop loving your spouse, or love them less. The heart isn't a glass of love that you're sharing around. I wouldn't mention it. Forget about it.
Jesha 1 year ago
Look, we need to do away with the idea of 'love of my life' and 'soulmate'. You will meet so many people that you can love in so many ways. You don't have to let go of your lost love, but to act like it's a competition by using those words when you've married someone else is hurtful. Clearly you have more than one love of your life if you're married again, or at least should since the whole idea is to spend your life together and build a new future.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Especially if it is someone you loved very much. And you never stop loving that person. Your hurt feelings are of value--but don't take it personally. Sit her down and have a discussion --if she doesn't remember what she said while drunk she may not know she hurt you. Therapy after, it won't hurt. Good luck my man. 🤗
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
One of the things I've come to accept with age is that I'll never be "the one" in my relationships, as there's always been someone before who left an imprint, dead of alive. What l don't tolerate is the constant idealisation, or making the ex a recurrent topic of conversation. If l have to hear constant complaints about her or frequent references to her physical appearance l'm out. And that has happened with very alive exes. I'd be more understanding with a widower, especially if like the example, it was a one time drunken confession. Grief is love that never ended.
Bewitched One 1 year ago
My dad died when I was 7. I'm 30. 23 years ago. My mom has been with my step dad for 15 or more years. She told him she would always love my dad more than anyone, as he was her soul mate. My step dad lost his girlfriend of many years just before he and my mom got together. He completely understands. That's what they bonded over. They both understand each other's pain. This shouldn't be a marriage/deal breaker, but maybe therapy for both of you or even just communicating to each other could help you both understand each others feelings better. I'm not expert, but there's always room in the heart to love more than one person. She may not have meant she actually loves him "most", but maybe just differently?
Chez2202 1 year ago
My dad died at 37 after 12 years of marriage to my mum. She married my stepdad just over a year later. He died after 36 years with her. She loved him way more than she loved my dad. I don’t understand it but I accept it. I loved them both but differently. OP’s wife lost her first husband only a few months into their marriage when everything was new and she didn’t have time for the relationship to change into something other than that. It’s an idealistic memory and the reality of years together with responsibilities and children didn’t happen for them. It’s a few months frozen in time. I think if OP talks to her she will realise this and feel terrible that he is upset.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
We all tend to idealize those that we love after they die. Once someone passes all you really focus on are the happy memories you aren't living with them day to day having common quarrels or noticing annoying habits etc. It's understandable to me how someone would put a past relationship like that up on a pedestal but those feelings aren't based in reality.
Load More Replies... Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
No-one will ever win in comparison to first-love or a ghost - sounds like her first husband was both. So she has childlike bittersweet feelings, she built a life and a family with you. Also, WTF - straight to divorce?
Tabitha 1 year ago
They were both very young when he died. She probably has some lingering unresolved grief, as well as the idealization of a young husband who died before the “honeymoon period” of their marriage was over and the real work of marriage began. It doesn’t mean she totally rejects OP in favor of a ghost. OP needs to learn a lot about empathy.
Load More Replies... Knitting Panda 1 year ago
I lost my husband after 28 years. I could love again, but Philip will always be part of me. Who ever marries me would know that and accept that, as I would accept his late wife if he has one. A second marriage is different.
Chez2202 1 year ago
I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you can find someone else to love and who will love you x
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago
1. Drunk people are not reliable. They may overstate things, oversimplify, etc. They may outright lie, or say things they BELIEVE when they're drunk ... but which aren't reality. Trust me: drunk people say stupid stuff without thinking. 2. When a person marries a widow or widower, they have to understand that person will always love their spouse. Allow them to have pictures, allow them to celebrate their spouse's birthday and their anniversary. Let them cry on the anniversary of their death. When you marry a widow or widower, their former spouse also becomes a part of your life. If you're not willing to accept that, don't marry a widow or widower. Love isn't finite. When you love someone, and they die, you can still love someone else with all your heart, and you don't have to stop loving your spouse, or love them less. The heart isn't a glass of love that you're sharing around. I wouldn't mention it. Forget about it.
Jesha 1 year ago
Look, we need to do away with the idea of 'love of my life' and 'soulmate'. You will meet so many people that you can love in so many ways. You don't have to let go of your lost love, but to act like it's a competition by using those words when you've married someone else is hurtful. Clearly you have more than one love of your life if you're married again, or at least should since the whole idea is to spend your life together and build a new future.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Especially if it is someone you loved very much. And you never stop loving that person. Your hurt feelings are of value--but don't take it personally. Sit her down and have a discussion --if she doesn't remember what she said while drunk she may not know she hurt you. Therapy after, it won't hurt. Good luck my man. 🤗
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
One of the things I've come to accept with age is that I'll never be "the one" in my relationships, as there's always been someone before who left an imprint, dead of alive. What l don't tolerate is the constant idealisation, or making the ex a recurrent topic of conversation. If l have to hear constant complaints about her or frequent references to her physical appearance l'm out. And that has happened with very alive exes. I'd be more understanding with a widower, especially if like the example, it was a one time drunken confession. Grief is love that never ended.
Bewitched One 1 year ago
My dad died when I was 7. I'm 30. 23 years ago. My mom has been with my step dad for 15 or more years. She told him she would always love my dad more than anyone, as he was her soul mate. My step dad lost his girlfriend of many years just before he and my mom got together. He completely understands. That's what they bonded over. They both understand each other's pain. This shouldn't be a marriage/deal breaker, but maybe therapy for both of you or even just communicating to each other could help you both understand each others feelings better. I'm not expert, but there's always room in the heart to love more than one person. She may not have meant she actually loves him "most", but maybe just differently?
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