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Husband Devastated As Wife’s Choices Endanger Family, Questions If Divorce Is His Only Way Out
Interview With Expert
Parenting is already a rollercoaster, but imagine if the person who’s supposed to co-pilot decided to just jump off mid-ride.
That’s the reality of today’s Original Poster (OP) who is watching his wife spiraling deeper into mental health struggles, neglecting their children, their home, and even her own well-being. And now, it’s not just affecting their marriage, it’s hurting their kids.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
There are many difficult decisions to make in life, and one of them might include walking away from a person you love for your safety
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s wife struggles with poor mental health, which has affected her role as a wife and parent
Image credits: redbull4455
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She had offered his niece an illegal substance and also shared inappropriate content with her which got CPS involved
Image credits: redbull4455
Image credits: somemeans / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, CPS did nothing, and their kids are continually being affected by his wife’s actions
Image credits: redbull4455
After a conversation with his wife, she shut him down immediately, and now he’s ready to serve divorce papers
The OP explained that his wife struggled with borderline personality disorder, anxiety, and depression, and that over the past few years she had gotten worse. She had now distanced herself from family responsibilities, could barely hold a job, ignored household tasks, and, most painfully, was uninterested in their children. Instead, she finds solace in illegal substances and talking to random men on Snapchat.
However the breaking point came when she crossed a serious line after she offered this illegal substance to his niece who is a minor and shared inappropriate content with her. Despite admitting everything to Child Protection Services, there were no real consequences.
The OP also recounted that their kids had expressed wishes of their mother being more active in their lives. Despite all the pain, he still sees his wife as someone who is sick, not cruel. He added that she has finally started therapy, which gives him a sliver of hope.
But after years of failed conversations and ignored attempts to make her see the damage she’s causing, he also wonders if it’s worth trying. With divorce papers ready and a lawyer on standby, he’s at a crossroads. Should he give her one final ultimatum, or accept that nothing will change and file for divorce?
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To gain insight into how mental health disorders like BPD and depression affect parenting, Bored Panda reached out to psychologist and certified NLP specialist Irina Matveeva, who explained that these conditions can create significant challenges for parents. She highlighted that BPD, which involves mood swings, impulsivity, and unstable relationships, can prevent parents from offering consistent emotional support.
She added that this creates an environment where children may feel insecure and confused. Depression, she noted, causes emotional withdrawal and lack of energy, often leading to neglect of parental duties and emotional unavailability.
We followed up by asking how a partner can handle this situation when it becomes overwhelming. “It’s crucial to set or reconsider boundaries,” Matveeva explained, emphasizing that if helping a partner is only worsening the situation, it’s time to reassess the role you’re playing.
“No one is obligated to sacrifice their mental health for another’s,” she continued, advising that professional intervention is often the healthiest solution for both parties involved.
Matveeva also discussed the long-term effects on children when a parent’s mental health struggles lead to neglect. She shared that children may adopt unhealthy behavior patterns, like becoming caretakers or normalizing toxic relationships, which can have lasting emotional consequences. “It’s easier to raise healthy children than to fix broken adults,” she stressed.
Netizens emphasized that the OP’s priority must be the children’s well-being. Many said that keeping them in such a harmful environment will cause serious emotional damage. The consensus is that while the wife’s mental health struggles are serious, they do not excuse her neglectful and dangerous behavior. Others also urged immediate action, with many pushing for divorce and legal protections.
What would you do in this situation? If you were in his shoes, would you try one last conversation or file for divorce immediately? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that the wife’s actions were doing serious damage, and applauded the author for prioritizing his kids
Poll Question
What is your initial reaction to the husband's dilemma in the article?
Sympathy for the husband
Frustration with the wife's actions
Concern for the children
Uncertainty about the situation
What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 5 days ago
Where could OP live hat he can't get custody because of his gender? He's the stable parent, I don't know a judge that wouldn't give full custody to the non-we ed providing parent who sticks around and holds down a job. Sounds like rage bait.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 days ago
The US can be an effed-up place, especially as you go further east :( Where I live (California) you can absolutely get sole custody as a male parent. Cali is, for the most part, a very chill state in regards to that kind of stuff overall (you can even still get an abortion here! for WHATEVER reason!) but some of the midwest/mideast/"central" states are absolutely awful. OP might not mean that he can't literally legally get sole custody of his children, but that the courts in his state are heavily skewed towards the "mothers are the best parent" and "children need their mothers" attitude, even when the mother is an add!ct, a criminal, etc. It's not ragebait, it's a real attitude in some of the more mideastern/central states.
Load More Replies...
Lyoness 5 days ago (edited)
To clarify BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar (BPAD) - when a family member was diagnosed there was a lot of confusion over which was which. OP is talking about BPD, but says a Dr said it could be bipolar or MDD. It's interesting because there's some big differences. "Bipolar is a mood disorder where someone experiences extreme changes in mood, energy and activity that are more intense than just feeling a bit sad or happy. Usually lots of symptoms happen at the same time and last many days or weeks. BPD is a personality disorder that mostly affects how someone relates to other people and how they manage their emotions. It involves intense and unstable emotions, difficulties in maintaining relationships and a fear of abandonment. The mood changes that people with BPD typically experience are intense and short-lived (several times a day), whereas the mood changes in bipolar typically last a number of days or often weeks in between periods of stability." Edit re link. Link below.
Do-nut touch da donut 4 days ago
Ah, tyvm for the clarification and the info
Load More Replies...
Veronica Jean 3 days ago
Oh man. This is so tough. My best friend experienced something similar. He was the child though, dealing with a mom with all the same symptoms. The unfortunate reality is, there's little to no support in the USA at least for those with serious mental disorders if they are not willing to go to therapy and if there is not a large amount of disposable income. Even with meds, our experience did not get better. Social workers couldn't help, in fact my friends brother was a social worker who owned his own business and quit the industry because of how appalled he was in how little could be done. It is ..awful, but my friend is permanently scarred by what his mom put him through. Protect the kids and do what you have to, you can't save her and you will drown with her if you try. I HATE saying that but....I watched it. And it's awful.
FreeTheUnicorn 5 days ago
Where could OP live hat he can't get custody because of his gender? He's the stable parent, I don't know a judge that wouldn't give full custody to the non-we ed providing parent who sticks around and holds down a job. Sounds like rage bait.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 days ago
The US can be an effed-up place, especially as you go further east :( Where I live (California) you can absolutely get sole custody as a male parent. Cali is, for the most part, a very chill state in regards to that kind of stuff overall (you can even still get an abortion here! for WHATEVER reason!) but some of the midwest/mideast/"central" states are absolutely awful. OP might not mean that he can't literally legally get sole custody of his children, but that the courts in his state are heavily skewed towards the "mothers are the best parent" and "children need their mothers" attitude, even when the mother is an add!ct, a criminal, etc. It's not ragebait, it's a real attitude in some of the more mideastern/central states.
Load More Replies... Lyoness 5 days ago (edited)
To clarify BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar (BPAD) - when a family member was diagnosed there was a lot of confusion over which was which. OP is talking about BPD, but says a Dr said it could be bipolar or MDD. It's interesting because there's some big differences. "Bipolar is a mood disorder where someone experiences extreme changes in mood, energy and activity that are more intense than just feeling a bit sad or happy. Usually lots of symptoms happen at the same time and last many days or weeks. BPD is a personality disorder that mostly affects how someone relates to other people and how they manage their emotions. It involves intense and unstable emotions, difficulties in maintaining relationships and a fear of abandonment. The mood changes that people with BPD typically experience are intense and short-lived (several times a day), whereas the mood changes in bipolar typically last a number of days or often weeks in between periods of stability." Edit re link. Link below.
Do-nut touch da donut 4 days ago
Ah, tyvm for the clarification and the info
Load More Replies... Veronica Jean 3 days ago
Oh man. This is so tough. My best friend experienced something similar. He was the child though, dealing with a mom with all the same symptoms. The unfortunate reality is, there's little to no support in the USA at least for those with serious mental disorders if they are not willing to go to therapy and if there is not a large amount of disposable income. Even with meds, our experience did not get better. Social workers couldn't help, in fact my friends brother was a social worker who owned his own business and quit the industry because of how appalled he was in how little could be done. It is ..awful, but my friend is permanently scarred by what his mom put him through. Protect the kids and do what you have to, you can't save her and you will drown with her if you try. I HATE saying that but....I watched it. And it's awful.
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