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Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered
For some people, Christmas is the biggest, most festive and happiest time of the year because they get to spend some time with their families that they can’t see more often. And even though most often the word family has a positive connotation, causing warm feelings, not everyone shares the same experience.
So the holiday season for them causes more anxiety and stress than happiness. But when you become an adult, you can choose to not go back to the place where you felt unwanted, were abused or not understood.
It’s not a sin to dislike your family or relatives and not want to see them on holidays when doing something else would bring you more joy. That actually happens not as rarely as you would think. Reddit user JustBo-Lieve asked “What’s your ‘that’s why I don’t go home for the holidays’ story?” and people shared what bothered them so much about their families that they don’t want to see them ever again.
More info: Reddit
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#1
My parents are super religious and only want me to come home if I stop "choosing" to be gay, so I spend the holidays with my girlfriend's family instead.
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
Proper response: I stop being gay if you stop being the religious twats that you are.
RELATED:
#2
Not my family, but my wife's side of the family. I refuse to attend any of their holiday get-togethers. She's from a small town in Western Missouri named Boonville and I lived in the Saint Louis area most of my life. I guess me being a Saint Louis city slicker was just too much for her family. As my wife was introducing me to her extended family I hear someone say "look at him all dressed up nice and fancy, I bet you're one of those city folk who voted for that n word Obama." I just looked at my wife like "please get me out of this hillbilly hell..." I've never gone back. Yeeeeeehaaawwww!
Suzanne Clark 3 years ago
Well, you brought in yourself, I'll bet you were wearing pants and had on shoes ;-) Shame on you!
Toast Of Saint Louis 3 years ago
I live in Saint Louis and yes Boonville is exactly like that. I see why tornados go through that place on a regular basis. I'm not surprised, never was.
Carlotta Müller 3 years ago
How the heck can she still talk to them? They are racist as hell! Such people are not to be shown to anybody. I hope SHE is not as racist as them.
Christy Smith 3 years ago
I like when lower or middle class income ppl are Republicans, it cracks me up, it's like they're too uneducated and / or ignorant to know what voting a Republican into any political office actually means for them.
Lady Goldberry 2 years ago
Same with British Tory voters...haven't a pot to piss in, but are convinced that the Eton educated, rich as Croesus, upper class twits of the year have the interests of the common people at heart...'but Brexit!' they bleat, 'Brexit!'
Load More Replies...
Sean Glynn 3 years ago
I live in Springfield. It's better than Booneville. That's about all that can be said about it. It should be their motto. "Springfield: better than Booneville"
Ralph Watkins 2 years ago
It's why my dad's side of the family has been estranged from us for decades. They are super religious, been arrested for embezzlement & theft, & constantly throw around racial, religious, & ethnic slurs. Back in the 60s my folks were visiting from PA down in FL. They wouldn't stop using the N word. They made sure to use it even more when my dad told them to STFU. They drove back home Christmas Eve. My dad looked at the character of person, nothing else.
Black Karen 3 years ago
Well its a red flag she even brought him there. Id question the relationship if she didnt happen to mention how racist jer family was prior to bringing him there.
Elizabeth Sundby 3 years ago
"there's a hiccup bagger in the turnup seller!" "well hornswavle my haversack!" dipper and mable pines, gravity falls
#3
The last time I saw my extended family - aunt, cousins, etc. - for the holidays was during college. They told me I was going to burn in hell for dating a Jew, and the men were screaming the N-word at the TV while watching football.
I went to hang out with my baby cousins, who were in middle and high school, and one of them told me that she learned in their school's sex ed that white people can only get AIDS if they have sex with people of other races.
Once my grandfather passed away I cut contact with all my extended family.
#4
Being verbally abused while I was digging a grave for my dog on Thanksgiving morning was the last straw I'm pretty sure.
#5
Both parents have psychological issues. I spent my childhood taking care of the family. Now that I'm an adult and moved away it's time to take care for myself.
#7
My parents would routinely give me "gifts" like chocolate or some random thing I don't need like a picture frame. Then they'd go "oh you're too fat to eat it, you don't want that chocolate right?" Then they'd regift my "gift" to their friend's kids. My sister who was in middle school at the time got an iPad and a year later, a MacBook.
Yea, I'd rather not go home to a place that constantly belittles me. I make sure I get my sister a good present but beyond that I'm gone.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Toxic people are the worst. Glad you're not in that situation anymore.
#8
My wife's family is all deceased. The only one left alive on my side is my mother. Whenever we see her, she decides it's time to meddle like hell in our marriage. Last Christmas, after she left, we went to a marriage counselor because things got so bad. Counselor said we are both more than fine and to limit contact with nightmare mother/mother-in-law. We no longer see/hear from her anymore.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
As bad as this sounds, sometimes you gotta cut toxic people out of your life
#9
Cos I want to enjoy the holidays, not spend the entire time listening to the passive aggressivness of my extended family.
#10
I realised the comments of my extended family resulted in the eating disorder I had in high school.
Despite knowing I was sick due to being hospitalised, when I started eating a healthy amount again they would pick on me and tell me ‘it will all catch up to my figure one day’.
#11
My grandmother, who never liked me much to begin with because I didn't play hockey, decided to tell my wife, to her face, that she should pass away.
If I ever look in that old b**ch's direction again it will be to spit on her.
#12
My husband's family is just far better at making reliable plans than my family so they usually win out. I can't travel all the way across the country to try and see my sister and brother when they refuse to nail down plans more than a day or two in advance. "Oh you're coming into town. Cool, text us when you get here and we'll try and meet up" the. When I arrive they forgot they had some other obligation half the time. F**ker, you're almost 50 years old. Buy a F**king calendar.
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
It's not that her family is bad at planning, it's that they really don't give a s**t about her.
#13
Last trip home found out my mother had been indoctrinated into an islamic based sect (read cult) who's all knowledgeable and benevolent leader advised (forbid) her not to associate with her agnostic child and grandchild. So yahh anyway lots of free time and excess cash this December which is nice.
#14
My family is a bucket of crabs. I couldn't get away on my own and had to get outside help. My siblings tried getting out and I watched them get pulled down into the black hole of Suck, over and over. As far as I can tell, even the ones living on their own are still hauled back into the bucket on a regular basis.
I can engage with them from a distance; if I get too close, they will try to re-infect me with their stupid, petty, needy, passive-aggressive squalor.
My parents are not bad people, just incompetent at a lot of important life skills. They are mediocre as parents (obvious favoritism, inconsistent rule enforcement), bad with money, and irresponsible in lots of small ways that left me with all sorts of weird baggage.
#15
My aunt tried to exorcise me at a wedding.
Not the - go on a treadmill fat a** kind of exercise
The- I think she has a demon inside of her let's try and get the demon out with fire and prayer kind.
#16
My parents are divorced, as a kid I was lugged back and forth between the two. If I spent Thanksgiving at one parent's home then I had to spend Christmas at the other. As an adult I don't like to pick sides, so I chose neither and had come to blame the long distance, exams, and now that I'm out of university, I have a full time job as my scape goat. I love both of them, but I would rather spend my time alone than worry about hurting one or the other's feelings.
#17
Super religious parents, brother is a once pastor, now atheist in a poly marriage. Not worth the drama.
#18
My dad is a conservative armchair anthropologist so he will study me with notebook in hand like Margaret Mead observing the Samoans. I've learned never to watch Rachel Maddow in his house, otherwise he'll break out the 8mm and provide annoying 'and now we find the liberal in its natural habitat' voice-over narration.
#19
Because the first thing my dear relatives have to say is either do I have gifts for them or why did I put on so much weight. Can't I eat my pudding in peace?!?
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
If they pick on you over your weight, p**s on 'em. Go ahead and scream, "You want me to be f*****g anorexic?"
#20
I don't really have a home to go back to. My dad passed away when I was eleven, my mom when I was fourteen. I was living on my own before I'd even turned sixteen.
There's my grandparents who took me in for a year until I got my own place, but they're both 85+ and have countless other grandchildren and great-grandchildren, so it sometimes feels like I'm just another grain of sand in the desert.
#21
Simply put, my family is full of grudges and alcohol. Holidays are supposed to be full of good feelings but every time one comes around someone mysteriously pulls up drama from 1992 and just ruins everything. So I'm just going to work.
#22
Jesus. My parents are Opus Dei, the intolerance to other ideas is why I left home at 17. That level of "Jesus" is too much to take on anything other than the phone. I will call, I wont visit.
#23
For some reason my brother and his wife and super unfriendly towards us and my extended family including my parents.
Just for example my parents drove 8 hours to come see them and they ended up sitting in their hotel room all weekend because he would never make plans or would cancel at the last second. Note my parents supported him financially well into his 30's.
So basically every family function consists of my folks coddling to my brother and having him either blow them off or showing up briefly and being a complete a** the whole time.
Plus I have a psycho aunt who attacks me at every moment she gets. I think my family has a lot of mental problems....
#24
Family is mostly passed away (I'm in my 20's). No parents no brothers/sisters/uncles/aunts that live in the area. No reason to visit my hometown other than my in-laws live there. Going back gives me panic attacks.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
Very understandable, we live in the same town as most of my husbands family that never gave an f about him growing up, all the people that did care for him passed on, this this time of year does bring more heartache then happiness to some
#25
Not as interesting as others, but it's just about the location. I moved to San Diego from Indiana about 3 years ago. I hate Indiana. Last time I was there, it was flat as hell (don't expect that to have changed), cold, dreary, and boring as f**k.
I coined a term for the way I felt; Sudden Onset Seasonal Affective Disorder: SO SAD.
#26
Moved 1000 miles away from hometown to go to college. Mom told me before I even graduated from high school that I'd better make some friends my first semester, because a round trip flight at thanksgiving wasn't in the budget.
It's not bad. I went home with my roommate last year, and this year I'm staying with my boyfriend. I'm involved with the Macy's parade, so that keeps me busy too. I think if I really wanted to my mom would find a way to fly me back, but I don't mind waiting a few weeks till winter break starts.
Beentheredonethat 3 years ago
I guess she never looked at the price of a plane ticket during thanksgiving.
#27
We've had the holidays by ourselves for around 11 years. My husband, two young adult children and I. All the grandparents have passed on. We used to get together with my husband's brother and his family, but after he divorced, it was too hard to set up plans, since the kids were with their mother some of the time. Everyone is adult now and it's even harder to arrange, since some are now married or involved and have other places to be.
"Home" is now us. My kids miss their cousins. They've missed them for over 10 years and now it's just a happy memory. I hope some day we'll be able to change it, but I don't know how, exactly, to do that.
Angela Lee 3 years ago
We had the same issue. Lots of cousins all over the place. We remedied that by having a huge family reunion every year. It wasn't Christmas but that's not the primary goal. We got to spend time and catch up with our aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The date/holiday didn't matter as much as just being together.
#28
My father and my step brother's like getting into fist fights every holiday. Oh I also tend to get yelled at a lot but I'm not sure if that has changed seeing I moved over 300 miles away after getting married. I refuse to go home for Christmas even though my husband has tried to convince me. Would much rather go too this state lol
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
Hope the husband stopped trying to convince her. It's not right when you try to make your SO do things that you know she really doesn't want to do.
#29
Because they come to my home? Am I doing this right?
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Glad you all get together for the holidays. Hopefully it's a good gathering.
#30
Because everyone is now spread out over a massive state that gets insanely cold during the holidays. They can come see me where it's still 70 this time of year.
That or they can wait till I visit in the summer.
What do you think ?
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Sometimes it's best to be home for Christmas. People can be so hurtful, mean, and toxic. Merry Christmas and hugs and love to all
Eds 3 years ago (edited)
Child of divorce here. Raised by my mother. After my dad's mom passed, my aunt on that side made it pretty clear that I wasn't wanted at the bi-annual Christmas party. I don't know why. All the cousins have moved away from our home town. So every other year my aunt would host a Christmas party and all the cousins would come. I called one year to check on the Christmas party plans for that year, as I was in town and I heard her whisper to her husband something to the effect of I wasn't wanted at the party. I ended the call and essentially cut off all contact. I have enough people that do love me and want me around that I've no need to force that relationship.
Stephanie IV 3 years ago
Well done! Their behavior reflects very badly on them. Good you’re out.
Load More Replies...
Bex 3 years ago
Last year (2020) was the first year my parents (mid-70's) didn't host the traditional Xmas for me (single, early 30's, no kids) and my sister (married, late 40's, no kids) because of Covid. It was the best Xmas I've ever had. I went to see them the day after, and the 3 of us just exchanged gifts and had lunch at the house, very low key and mostly no different from any other weekend day. Normally my sister, BIL, and I go there on Xmas Eve, sleep over, and do a big Xmas, bc my sister loves it. The rest of us hate Xmas for a variety of personal reasons. There are so many people that are alone or without extended family by choice that I really wish we could have that "normal" and stop glamorizing the "perfect Xmas" and the "cheery, happy, holiday" that tv wants us to believe is real.
Mary G 3 years ago
Dad remarried when I was 12, she had two kids from previous marriage. They went on to have three more. Long n short, I was packed off to second rate boarding school, her kids went to an exclusive boarding school. Now they're all married, kids the works. Meet one of the kids once, dad won't invite me or my hubby for Christmas because I had a divorce... HELLO!! He divorced my mum and married a divorcee... hypocrite
Dre Mosley 3 years ago (edited)
My family overall is fine, but I do have this one aunt who is a fountain of negativity(she bitches nonstop) and entitlement. She's a 69 year old woman who has never grown up or had to be responsible for anything. Nothing is ever her fault, it's your problem, not hers, and she's always the one who was wronged. Today is Christmas and I dread knowing that I'm expected to swing by for a visit. I can only take the woman in small doses. If I could get away without seeing her today, I would.
jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)
here's one that didn't show up in the lists above... a friend just told me he had been "un-invited" from the big get-together at his sisters'... I asked why, and he said this behavior of getting rid of people was increasingly common with his sister. I asked him if alzheimer's ran loose in that family. "Yes, it does", he said, "her husband died of it a few years ago & his dad several years before that." My take on it was that this was sad evidence of the early-early stages of pre-alzheimer's. The symptoms are unexplained psychological changes, abruptly getting rid of old relationships of family & friends, bad business decisions, and other bizarre behaviors.... "hmm, yes, he said, check, check, check, on all of the above". My reply was "sorry, friend, but your sis is in big trouble. Alz for someone her age runs its course fairly rapidly. Don't over-react & take it mean or ugly, she really doesn't know what she is doing, or what is going on. I know this is sad. I'm sorry. Let me know if I can help in any way" And yes, she needs to go to a shrink for diagnosis & treatment if this is what's going on.
Paula Glasscoe 3 years ago
Ummmm, Alzheimer’s may run in families but her husband’s family isn’t blood related to HER - or are they?!
Load More Replies...
BORKADYMUSIC 3 years ago
My entire family doesn’t accept me for who I am, they’re toxic and love love love to guilt trip and my extended family gets very amped about politics, my uncle is blatantly homophobic and transphobic and I’m panromantic and agender, so he thinks I’m the worst of the worst, my cousins are altogether b*tches except my one male cousin and I can always just text him. And that’s just my mom’s side of the family. My dad’s is full of drug and alcohol abuse and they’re altogether dysfunctional. My mom’s asked how in the world my aunt and uncle are still married and my younger cousin is probably gonna move out and never look back, same as me. My grandparents are ALL split up and constantly fight, my grandmothers are passive aggressive with each other and I’ve never met my grandpa on my dad’s side. Because drugs. He got a DUI charge recently and I overheard my dad screaming at him over the phone about it. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get all that out.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
My parents died when I was a teenager. My moms family is too large for christmas get togethers, they all do it with their own families. My dads family doesn't talk to me. My step-dads family, any time I show up for a holiday or anything, it is wicked awkward. He remarried, and our strained relationship became weird and strained and my aunts/uncle/grandparents on that side never know what to do with me. i'm already a nervous, socially anxious person, I avoid it so I don't have to feel horrendous going back knowing i'm not wanted. So I sit alone knowing I'm not wanted. But I have the pets that like me and projects to keep me busy. So that's nice.
buttonpusher 3 years ago
When I was a kid Christmas was a huge thing in my family, on my dad's side. Long over with now because of inheritance. Surprise, surprise.
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago (edited)
Because ever since she became a mother, my sister has been a nightmare. We had fantastic Christmases growing up and now she wants the same for her child. I'd be more understanding about this if she'd actually do it herself instead of demanding that the rest of the family put in the effort while all she does is complain when older family members decide they don't want to stress themselves out by traveling during the holidays. I married a man who was raised as a jehovahs witness and while he doesn't practice, Christmas is just another day to him and its been hard to explain why he doesn't participate. This year is the last year, we've already decided to go on vacation next Christmas. I'll help my physically disabled mother with what she needs but during the actual day I plan to be far away.
David Woollands 3 years ago
Home is where you want to be and feel safe. Some people should really learn to say no and stop worrying about upsetting others!!
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
Toxic abusive violent family who pretend they're not violent ;) throwing food at me and trying to throw hot potato water at me will keep me away
Yort 3 years ago
I’ve never understood the appeal of going home for Christmas when the family is so large. It’s exhausting being around family all day. I get stressed enough when it’s just my mom and sister, I don’t know why people genuinely want to be around their 4 siblings, siblings’ wives, mom, dad, grandma, 20 nieces and nephews, indoors, at Christmas, all at once.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Sometimes it's best to be home for Christmas. People can be so hurtful, mean, and toxic. Merry Christmas and hugs and love to all
Eds 3 years ago (edited)
Child of divorce here. Raised by my mother. After my dad's mom passed, my aunt on that side made it pretty clear that I wasn't wanted at the bi-annual Christmas party. I don't know why. All the cousins have moved away from our home town. So every other year my aunt would host a Christmas party and all the cousins would come. I called one year to check on the Christmas party plans for that year, as I was in town and I heard her whisper to her husband something to the effect of I wasn't wanted at the party. I ended the call and essentially cut off all contact. I have enough people that do love me and want me around that I've no need to force that relationship.
Stephanie IV 3 years ago
Well done! Their behavior reflects very badly on them. Good you’re out.
Load More Replies... Bex 3 years ago
Last year (2020) was the first year my parents (mid-70's) didn't host the traditional Xmas for me (single, early 30's, no kids) and my sister (married, late 40's, no kids) because of Covid. It was the best Xmas I've ever had. I went to see them the day after, and the 3 of us just exchanged gifts and had lunch at the house, very low key and mostly no different from any other weekend day. Normally my sister, BIL, and I go there on Xmas Eve, sleep over, and do a big Xmas, bc my sister loves it. The rest of us hate Xmas for a variety of personal reasons. There are so many people that are alone or without extended family by choice that I really wish we could have that "normal" and stop glamorizing the "perfect Xmas" and the "cheery, happy, holiday" that tv wants us to believe is real.
Mary G 3 years ago
Dad remarried when I was 12, she had two kids from previous marriage. They went on to have three more. Long n short, I was packed off to second rate boarding school, her kids went to an exclusive boarding school. Now they're all married, kids the works. Meet one of the kids once, dad won't invite me or my hubby for Christmas because I had a divorce... HELLO!! He divorced my mum and married a divorcee... hypocrite
Dre Mosley 3 years ago (edited)
My family overall is fine, but I do have this one aunt who is a fountain of negativity(she bitches nonstop) and entitlement. She's a 69 year old woman who has never grown up or had to be responsible for anything. Nothing is ever her fault, it's your problem, not hers, and she's always the one who was wronged. Today is Christmas and I dread knowing that I'm expected to swing by for a visit. I can only take the woman in small doses. If I could get away without seeing her today, I would.
jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)
here's one that didn't show up in the lists above... a friend just told me he had been "un-invited" from the big get-together at his sisters'... I asked why, and he said this behavior of getting rid of people was increasingly common with his sister. I asked him if alzheimer's ran loose in that family. "Yes, it does", he said, "her husband died of it a few years ago & his dad several years before that." My take on it was that this was sad evidence of the early-early stages of pre-alzheimer's. The symptoms are unexplained psychological changes, abruptly getting rid of old relationships of family & friends, bad business decisions, and other bizarre behaviors.... "hmm, yes, he said, check, check, check, on all of the above". My reply was "sorry, friend, but your sis is in big trouble. Alz for someone her age runs its course fairly rapidly. Don't over-react & take it mean or ugly, she really doesn't know what she is doing, or what is going on. I know this is sad. I'm sorry. Let me know if I can help in any way" And yes, she needs to go to a shrink for diagnosis & treatment if this is what's going on.
Paula Glasscoe 3 years ago
Ummmm, Alzheimer’s may run in families but her husband’s family isn’t blood related to HER - or are they?!
Load More Replies... BORKADYMUSIC 3 years ago
My entire family doesn’t accept me for who I am, they’re toxic and love love love to guilt trip and my extended family gets very amped about politics, my uncle is blatantly homophobic and transphobic and I’m panromantic and agender, so he thinks I’m the worst of the worst, my cousins are altogether b*tches except my one male cousin and I can always just text him. And that’s just my mom’s side of the family. My dad’s is full of drug and alcohol abuse and they’re altogether dysfunctional. My mom’s asked how in the world my aunt and uncle are still married and my younger cousin is probably gonna move out and never look back, same as me. My grandparents are ALL split up and constantly fight, my grandmothers are passive aggressive with each other and I’ve never met my grandpa on my dad’s side. Because drugs. He got a DUI charge recently and I overheard my dad screaming at him over the phone about it. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get all that out.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
My parents died when I was a teenager. My moms family is too large for christmas get togethers, they all do it with their own families. My dads family doesn't talk to me. My step-dads family, any time I show up for a holiday or anything, it is wicked awkward. He remarried, and our strained relationship became weird and strained and my aunts/uncle/grandparents on that side never know what to do with me. i'm already a nervous, socially anxious person, I avoid it so I don't have to feel horrendous going back knowing i'm not wanted. So I sit alone knowing I'm not wanted. But I have the pets that like me and projects to keep me busy. So that's nice.
buttonpusher 3 years ago
When I was a kid Christmas was a huge thing in my family, on my dad's side. Long over with now because of inheritance. Surprise, surprise.
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago (edited)
Because ever since she became a mother, my sister has been a nightmare. We had fantastic Christmases growing up and now she wants the same for her child. I'd be more understanding about this if she'd actually do it herself instead of demanding that the rest of the family put in the effort while all she does is complain when older family members decide they don't want to stress themselves out by traveling during the holidays. I married a man who was raised as a jehovahs witness and while he doesn't practice, Christmas is just another day to him and its been hard to explain why he doesn't participate. This year is the last year, we've already decided to go on vacation next Christmas. I'll help my physically disabled mother with what she needs but during the actual day I plan to be far away.
David Woollands 3 years ago
Home is where you want to be and feel safe. Some people should really learn to say no and stop worrying about upsetting others!!
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
Toxic abusive violent family who pretend they're not violent ;) throwing food at me and trying to throw hot potato water at me will keep me away
Yort 3 years ago
I’ve never understood the appeal of going home for Christmas when the family is so large. It’s exhausting being around family all day. I get stressed enough when it’s just my mom and sister, I don’t know why people genuinely want to be around their 4 siblings, siblings’ wives, mom, dad, grandma, 20 nieces and nephews, indoors, at Christmas, all at once.
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