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If you have kids, you know the decision to embark on the parenting journey is like getting on one wild rollercoaster ride. But despite the sleep deprivation, financial burdens, and the search for that non-existent work-life balance you're so desperate to find, no one will ever question your choice. There are many reasons for people to want to bring little bundles of joy into this world, after all. But as shared by people in various 'Ask Reddit' threads, there are also plenty of valid reasons not to.
A Pew Research Center study found that more adults (around 44% of people ages 18 to 49) report they’re unlikely or "not too likely" to have children — ever. But even though they consciously choose to forego parenthood altogether, the pressure to have kids is still huge. Childfree people often face a fair share of stigma and hear the accusatory murmurs that they're missing out. But are they, really?
In a bid to find out why so many opt for a childfree life, several Redditors delved deeper into the subject. They sparked discussions online that quickly turned into very interesting reads. We’ve gone through their threads and gathered some of the most illuminating answers to share with you all, so check them out right below. Keep reading to also find our interview with Erin Spurling, founder of Curiously Childfree. Then, upvote the ones you agree with and be sure to share your own thoughts with us in the comments.
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#1
In order of justification;
1. I don’t want to.
2. I can’t afford to.
3. There’s already quite a lot of us already.
4. Global climate change, political instability, and a very uncertain future.
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#2
Because I genuinely would not be happy with kids. I strongly believe that all kids deserve to be wanted, but not all people deserve to be parents.
Even though increasingly more people pass on the whole kid thing, there’s still a fair share of stigma in society surrounding this decision. Especially from people who see little ones as a crucial part of having a fulfilled family. They often find it hard to accept that not everyone is meant to have children, often making insensitive comments and insisting that childfree people will certainly someday change their minds. But just as some people have zero doubts about becoming moms and dads one day, others know parenthood just isn’t for them.
To learn more about the pressures people without kids face, we reached out to Erin Spurling, a writer, editor, and founder of Curiously Childfree. She set up this safe space to build a supportive community where she can leave a mark, advocate for change, help people feel heard and connect with each other.
"Everybody has their own reasons for choosing to be childfree," she told Bored Panda. "But based on myself and other childfree people (men and women) I have met, the recurring reasons seem to be simply no desire or pull towards parenthood and enjoying their life as it is; environmental concerns, health issues, and having experienced an unpleasant upbringing themselves."
#4
I think having children isn't something you do because you don't have a reason not to. I would have children if I had a really good reason to, and I don't. It's an important, life changing decision that involves an innocent person being brought into the world. I don't think I should do that just because might as well.
#5
They’re expensive, loud, time consuming, and don’t smell good.
Plus I don’t feel like putting my body through a year of physical hell just to follow it up with 18 years of putting my goals and career to the side to make sure it doesn’t stick a fork in a socket or swallow a bee.
#6
Firstly, the world's a s***show.
Second, there are enough kids in the world that need homes. If I wanted kids, I’d foster or adopt.
Third, I grew up being bullied a LOT. Oddly, I used to get along with the parents of my bullies. It made me realise that, while how someone’s brought up can affect who they are, yes, a lot of people are shitty despite their parents. Also it made me realise how often kids lie about who they are to their parents, taking on personas to appease them to their face while being horrible to others behind their backs. I don’t want to bring another horrible person into the world.
Not a universal experience, but it’s mine.
But also, again, the world’s a s***show.
Erin pointed out that many more elements go into making this choice, "and often it is a combination of multiple reasons." The above-mentioned survey by Pew Research Center confirms this. It found there is no sole driving force behind Americans giving up on childbearing in droves. Less than half (43%) of respondents alluded to medical and financial factors behind their decision, as well as having no partner, their or their partner’s age, and the general state of the world right now.
Interestingly, 56% of people said they do not want to have children because… they simply do not want to have children. The majority provided no particular reason behind their choice, something that would not have been socially acceptable a few decades ago. After all, in previous generations parenthood, especially for women, was a default path everyone had to take. But thankfully, more people now see it as an option that allows them to lead their lives the way they prefer.
#7
I never understood why so many want children. Life is a huge adventure without children . With children it’s a job for twenty years .
Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago
I like that BP's idea of a "huge adventure" is the gentleman in the swimming shorts. Mrrrowr, BP.
𝕜𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟ᴛʜᴇ𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕕 2 years ago
And don't forget the backpack. He's got places to be!
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Vinita Talaulikar 2 years ago (edited)
It is not a job of twenty years but lifetime. Some parents worry lifetime if that child is having addictions, some major illness, child not settled in a job or career, abandoned education and sponging on the parents for basic necessities. And to pass on DNA with health issues...
KWhiskers 2 years ago
Exactly what I was going to say! Every good parent will spend a lifetime (hopefully their own) worrying about how their child is faring. Everyone has ups and downs throughout life whether it's physical, mental, emotional, financial, whatever. It's like anyone in your life you care about, but with the added dynamic of being their parent and all that entails.
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Mbfsc63 2 years ago
Why so.manyndown votes????? People who don't want kids should be applauded for having the intestinal fortitude to be honest. If only the breeders cod be as honest........
B. Dahl 2 years ago (edited)
Because people who have kids are envious now of those who chose not to because they have free time and extra money and can make plans to do fun things with other adults.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago (edited)
This is one of our main reasons for not having kids. We have too much fun together, exploring! I'd rather have the experiences we've had -- seeing the greatest works of art and architecture, living in historic places, going to concerts, eating at some of the best restaurants in the world, exploring countries and learning about the world -- than kids, any day!
alwaysMispelled 2 years ago
I don't even feel like most people "want" kids, it's more that they consider it a thing they have to do/expect to do, not a choice that they can make for themselves.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Exactly. Even just considering "Wait. I don't HAVE to have kids!" for the first time was a mindblowing realization. We gotta question those assumptions hard.
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Yayheterogeneity 2 years ago
But one of the best ones for some of us. It's everyone for their own choices.
Jan Medina 2 years ago
It's a lifetime job. You have to be willing to watch your heart walk around outside your body for the rest of your life. You may want to consider a vasectomy.
Shauna Voigt 2 years ago
It's a lifetime job. I don't quit being a parent because my kids become adults.
Hubert Martin 2 years ago
Yeah, raising someone who doesn't understand why they were born and thus views the world as their personal playground. I never understood why childless couples didn't view their actions as longterm suicide? This world is too big for one lifetime. Go ahead, visit 200 countries. You'll never be anywhere.
Sarah McBride 2 years ago
Well, we just got finished taking our 3 and 6 year old on a flight to go adventure in some cool places. We all had a blast and it's so satisfying to see their wide eyes and amazement and to see how much they learn.
Moxxidude 2 years ago
Parenting isn’t a job if you do it correctly. Yes mistakes will be made, yes there will be tough times but watching the growth, maturity and life experience that evolves before your very eyes is mind-blowing. And if you do it right, your kid might experience some of that too.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
I'd rather have the mind-blowing growth and experience that came from my education, travel, and taking care of my mental health. I don't need to bring kids into the world in order to grow.
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Felisae Moon 2 years ago
Well, I would rather decide that having children is a bad idea before having children.
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#8
I have zero desire or instinct to be a mom.
Life is enough work without kids. With kids looks straight up awful. I don't know any parents that make having kids look attractive.
#9
Why not?
This is just like asking why someone doesn't want a dog. They dont want to.
There’s still a lot of resistance, however. "I think the stigma stems from many people still being raised in cultures where life is expected to follow a particular pattern e.g. education > job > house purchase > marriage > children > retirement > grandchildren," Erin said.
"Likewise, there is still an attitude of a life, particularly a woman’s life, having little meaning or worth without children in it. Fulfillment can take on many forms though, and purpose can come from so many aspects of life, not just children," she added.
#10
I refuse to f**k up a child as badly as my parents f****d me up, and I don't think I could cope with being responsible for an infant or a toddler. Also, my genes aren't worth passing on.
#12
Having kids isn’t for everyone. We need to get rid of this idea that ‘having kids is the norm’ or ‘what adults do like get a job, buy a house and have a family.’
I don’t feel that we’re on earth to tick boxes. It’s about living what is true for our own evolution as a human being, a spirit in incarnation. So whatever that may look like, wether it’s having a family of 6 children (me being one of such off-spring) or if it’s buying a clapped out old farm and turning it into a dog rescue place then do that.
The good news is that a turn regarding these attitudes in society is becoming more evident, and Erin herself has noticed a slow but steady change during her lifetime. "When I first voiced that I didn’t want to have children, there was a lot of very harsh judgment, right up to five or six years ago. But in the last few years, that certainly hasn’t seemed quite so harsh. There is still a long way to go but hopefully, in time, it will become more accepted as more people start to view children as a choice rather than an obligation or expectancy."
#13
I have no desire to raise a child, or care for one, or be responsible for one. I am lazy, I can take care of myself just fine, but the extra work to raise a child for something I don't want isn't worth it. I want financial freedom, freedom to make spontaneous decisions, children wouldn't allow for that
#14
Pregnancy seems difficult, birth seems even harder and if that weren’t enough kids are expensive as s**t. Last reason is that I don’t want children to be in this f****d up world
#15
I am physically disabled with a genetic circulation condition. I don't want to pass my condition onto others, and the physical aspects of raising children would be too much strain on me.
Foregoing parenthood is a measured and thought-out decision, regardless of what society tells you. "I always say that for me, the initial choice was more of a gut instinct, I’ve just never had any desire to be a parent," Erin revealed. "But as I’ve got older and experienced more of life, many other factors have come into play to solidify that decision. I’m more self-aware and know my personal limitations; I would want to be able to provide certain things without strain financially; the current environmental crisis; and not having a local support network — all our family and friends are quite spread out."
#16
Too much responsibility.
I much rather be a fun uncle/older cousin than a parent
#17
Have you seen the state of the world lately? Global warming, peak oil is happening, water shortage, micro plastics are in our food and body. In short have you seen Mad Max? I don’t want to subject a new person to any of those never mind all of them.
Edit: also a good amount of animals are going extinct, imagine having to explain what a rhinoceros or an elephant is when your kid sees one in a movie or something. Imagine having a child and by the time they’re 21 a lot of fish have been overfished to near extinction. The world sucks.
#18
How much time ya got?
I've spent most of my life living for other people's dreams. I finally have some financial independence and the ability to pursue my own ideas. Why would I give that up to serve another person for two decades?
The world does not need more people. The carbon footprint of bringing a human into this world is enormous.
Kids are f*****g expensive. I can't afford to do it right.
I deal with depression and frankly don't know that I would be an excellent parent. I don't like to do things if I don't think I can excel at them, especially not something as serious as raising another human. My folks f****d me up because despite being amazing people they had no clue how to be parents. I don't want to do the same.
My partner and I are perfectly happy with two dogs and a cat.
I don't like most people because they are generally selfish, shortsighted, and shitty. Kids are just this to the maximum. I fear I would dislike my kids on top of resenting them.
Having kids is extremely narcissistic. It's a desire to see yourself remade and perpetuate your impact on the world beyond your death. To do so despite what it costs the world is ultimately selfish.
The world doesn't need more humans.
Humans are a cancer on the natural world.
The World. Doesn't. Need. More. Humans.
I reiterate this last bit because the drive to reproduce manifests everywhere in human culture. Religion, mother-worship, &c. It's so deep in us that I feel like people need to hear it multiple times to actually understand: the world does not need more humans.
The creator of Curiously Childfree noted people’s reluctance or inability to wrap their heads around this decision partly stems from the culture that still places enormous emphasis on fixed life patterns, and children bringing meaning to life. "But on top of that, I think some people’s desire to become a parent is so strong, that they can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t want to do it."
"It's often suggested that those who choose to not have children are selfish but I don’t think that’s true," Erin continued. "Most of us consider whether we would be good parents and/or could provide the life we believe the child deserves, and if we can’t, then we don’t become parents. We are considering the implications for that unborn child, who may not get everything they need from us, for whatever reason/s."
#19
Expensive, plus being a teacher I have seen enough and don't want to come home to dealing with more kids.
#20
The question is always "why don't people want to have children?" when it should be "why do they want it?"
Not wanting children doesn't change anyone's life, while having them is a huge responsibility and most people don't even think it through. Are you ready to put another human being first for at least 18 years? Are you ready to work HARD to make sure the child will grow up healthy, happy and adjusted? Because it's a lot of work, and every child has different needs. What if your child is different than you expected, are you ready to completely love them , to change your approach to parenthood to make sure it works with them?
It's like getting a dog: if you are getting one, you need to think about it first, do you have the space, the time, etc? Why is it different with kids? People who want children should ask themselves if they actually want to do the work or if they only want kids because society says they should.
#21
Many reasons:
- i like being alone
- i value more than anything my personal/lonely time
- i don't want or need to significantly change my life. It took me 35 years to feel confortable
- i'm not close to finish travelling the world whenever i want
- i'm not rich and don't want to spent my extra money on raising a child
- i find a dog more cute than a baby or a child
- i don't like noise and scream
- i don't think it's necessary to repopulate this world
- i don't feel the need to have someone with my blood
- i don't feel the need to pass on a legacy as i don't have anything particular
- i don't feel the urgency to have someone taking care of me when i'll be old and honestly i find it a little bit selfish
- i seriously lack of self confidence and i don't want to raise a slobby shy child
- i feel pretty childish in my head and need "to go back" to that spirit.
Apart from the social stigma that inevitably comes when one decides to opt out of parenthood, there’s also the pressure from friends and family members who consistently ask to reconsider. According to Erin, lots of parents have hopes of having grandchildren one day, so the pressure can often come from them. Moreover, having kids is emphasized within certain cultures and religions too, so that becomes an added strain. "Once siblings and friends start having them, then questions often begin," she said.
"I’m due to get married next month, and although my fiancé and I have always been very open with family and friends about not wanting to have children, I am still fully expecting questions to start after the wedding, on the assumption that being married might change our minds."
#22
Because I love being alone, I love silence, I love being relaxed, I love having time for myself, I love spoiling myself, I love that nobody’s life depends on me. I’d rather have a dog than a child. Dogs are better than humans.
#24
To start with, they're super expensive, and my husband and I can barely pay our bills each month. Secondly, US maternity and paternity leave is a joke, not to mention our s**t medical/insurance situation and Republicans trying to make it illegal to terminate ectopic pregnancies (or any pregnancy). Thirdly, climate change and rejection of any effort to curb it doesn't exactly inspire me to produce a kid. Fourthly, the rise of Nazism, conspiracy theorists (Q and antivaxxers, for instance), white supremacy, and nationalists who seem to live for violence does not inspire confidence in a rosy future. Fifthly, I'm not eager to deal with another person's bodily fluids on the regular.
Needless to say, it can be very annoying when others continually ask personal questions instead of minding their own business and respecting our choices. Erin explained that these behaviors can create a sense that people (family or not) think we don’t know our own minds. "[This] is very frustrating, especially as nobody would question us if we did want to have them, despite the huge, life-altering implications of having a child. Very few people ask those who want to be parents, whether they are completely sure — it’s just accepted and celebrated."
#27
Many people would tell me that I'm still too young to know, but here are some reasons:
1. I am really afraid of vomit. Morning sickness and puking children sounds like something outta a horror movie to me.
2. The process of birth is super painful and absolutely terrifying.
3. I don't want to ruin my body after birth. I see how unhappy my mom is with her body (after three kids) and that makes me so sad and discourages me from wanting kids.
4. Sleepless nights
5. My dream career is super busy and highly demanding. If I ever suceed in that field, I don't know if I will have time for kids.
6. I've seen how bratty some kids are. No thanks.
7. Kids are very f*****g expensive to take care for. I've seen so many people who are financially not in the place to have more than one kids. Somehow they have multiple kids and are struggling so much.
8. Kids crying p**s me off beyond belief. Like, to the point, that I wanna smack them in the face and yell "SHUT UP!" That's not something a mom should think.
9. Seeing bratty kids get owned gives me seratonin.
I am well aware that this mindset could change, and I have absolutely nothing against people who decide to have kids, but so far I am worrying about school and my future and kids terrify me. I may consider adopting an older kid in the future when I'm the right age, graduated everything I need (if I do) and have some kind of stable career.
If you wanna have kids - have kids, but I'm not exited for upcomming questions from my relatives when I'm older: "When will you give us grandchildren? Are you still single? When will you have kids?" Ugh.
P. S. I'm also bisexual female, so, more life choices for my relatives to judge me on :)
If you feel like you have to defend your "selfish" childfree lifestyle and struggle with countless comments and questions from others, Erin had a few pieces of advice to share. "Be safe in the knowledge that nobody knows you like you do. Friends and family might want you to have children but only you know what is truly right for you. Acknowledge that you might regret it, because you might, in the same way you could regret literally any decision you make in life — none of us can predict the future."
"You have to make a decision based on what you know and feel right now, and fear of missing out or someone else’s opinion are never good enough reasons to have a child. Also, don’t feel that you always have to justify your choice (I used to feel like this) — 'I don’t want to have children' is a complete sentence. It doesn’t have to be, 'I don’t want children because of X, Y and Z,'" Erin concluded.
#28
Known since middle school.
Didn't have a cheery upbringing. Lot of friends growing up didn't either. I spent a lot of my childhood being mad about my circumstances in life, and the circumstances of others and fighting (sometimes literally) for them. I got to see how others were raised. I got to see all the little broken ways they developed. I hated it. Life was too precious and too great to risk it crashing down due to someone "trying their best" when their best just flat out isn't enough for a kid. I feared I'd never be able to do that. For me or anyone. It made me very avoidant of relationships too. I was everybody's friend, nobody's best friend. Attachments made me anxious. They still do. Cause after all, I'm as broken as all the people I tried to protect and fix.
That's why I don't want kids. That's why I never want to raise kids. I know perfect shouldn't be the enemy of good, but I feel like even good isn't achievable in this world, by me. Not now, and likely never. My failings shouldn't be the failings of my offspring, much as my parents' failings shaped the failings I have today still.
#29
I don't want to destroy my body and be treated as an incubator and lose my identity as a person. Pregnancy seems to give all of society the right to judge and demand behaviour of women with no inclination to actually help them. I have a friend whose organs fall out if her bowel movement is too hard and the surgery to fix it is "elective".
The horror birthing stories I've had to listen to has been enough to validate my decision.
#30
Self-awareness. I am the one to end the family curse of anger, violence, betrayal and gaslighting. I am not going to put my future children in that situation. Also, cancer, diabetes and bad cholesterol run in the family.
I am good with my pets. Cats and dogs. I love them and they give me the love I need in my life to function in this world and actually live a peaceful and purposeful life. I have friends who can't and do not want children as well so I am in the right crowd and dont feel like I am missing out on something.
#31
We're overpopulated and destroying this world. There are plenty of children who already exist and who are suffering. Things like jobs are limited, if I bring a child into the world as I'm in a fairly good economic position, I'd like to give that child everything I can, that child would have an almost guaranteed place in a good university and would only make things harder for the ones who already have it worse. That child would become part of the problem (and you could say "ok, but you can teach that child about inequality, etc." but that child has no reason to be interested on the topic or to listen to me).
Children don't need to be born. As they don't exist, they need nothing. Bringing them into the world would make them have needs. Needs bring suffering, suffering is part of existing, as dying or seeing the ones you love die also is.
I can't guarantee that my children would be born healthy, or would remain healthy during their lives. Many things can happen over which you've got no control, and you won't always be able to solve their problems. Your child can be raped, your child can rape someone else, etc.
I understand that my children could be people with very different interests from mine or have a totally different personality. We could not get along, I could cause trauma to them, etc. I've got no reason to think I'd be a particularly good parent, and I think most people suck at parenting.
I also think that we humans have a tendency to be unhappy, to focus on what's missing. I don't think I know many happy people, so it seems unlikely to me that they would be happy as adults anyway.
Then comes money, giving birth, sleepless nights, etc, etc.
#32
I want to spend my *entire* life doing things for myself and focusing on my own happiness. I have career goals that would be hindered by childcare. The expenses of children are not worth it. I also have a genetic movement disorder that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Most importantly, I would resent motherhood. It wouldn't be fair on the child. Kids deserve to feel wanted, and I wouldn't be able to provide that.
#34
Have you looked out the window lately? Why would I actively help someone's life be miserable?
#35
I just don’t want f*****g kids man.. nothing about them seems pleasant. Loud, ignorant, “my mommy says I can eat chips like that”, beating up my stuff, “watch me” and then do some dumb a*s s**t. Nah man, kids aren’t for me.
Runs into a wall and screams uncontrollably, they’re f*****g expensive, have to share every f*****g thing because they don’t understand boundaries, having to teach them what a boundary is, being seen as a bad parent because my kid is crying, being seen as a bad parent because my kid gets what he wants, can’t have quiet time, parental problems, child support, disappointing them in the future, having to think not only for yourself but for them too, running around doing things because you have too, not being able to just walk away, no spontaneous plans allowed, can’t sleep, s**t diapers and s**t toys that cost 100+ and either breaks or they don’t care enough to play with them, school funding, can’t invest, can’t have your favourite food because they’ll beg and cry if you don’t give ‘em any, formula is expensive asf. Please do I need to go on?
#37
Well for starters I don’t like kids. I don’t like sticky hands. I don’t like messes. I don’t like having to assure there’s no monsters under the bed or explain why it’s important to wash your hands. I don’t want to have to do any of that.
Second, it’s just a financial nightmare, especially currently. I can’t even afford to buy a house, I sure as f**k can’t afford to provide for a tiny human! Hell, I can barely afford to provide for myself.
Third, my mom has rheumatoid arthritis. I have been her caregiver since I was a teenager. My dad worked late hours to provide for us. He died of cancer when I was 21. Since then it’s been me looking after her, while getting through school and pursuing my own life goals. I gave up my adolescence being someone’s caretaker. I don’t want to give up my middle age to the same thing.
Fourth, look at the planet. Not the people, not the governments, not the war, not any of that mess. Look. At. The Planet. Rising temperatures, dwindling resources, increasingly volatile weather patterns. This generation is the last one to enjoy a world that is anything like the one of our past. Future generations have a mess of environmental issues to contend with, and I don’t wish it on anyone.
I would feel horribly guilty bringing a child into this world knowing the nightmare of environmental fuckery that’s going to be just reaching its stride when I check out.
Finally, and most importantly, I don’t want to dedicate my life to raising someone else! I want financial and physical freedom. I don’t want to have to find a babysitter, or hire a nanny, or pay for school! I want to be able to go on a weekend getaway on a whim. I like being able to buy myself a goodie or treat here and there without worrying about paying for junior’s daycare. Most important of all, I want to be able to come home and do whatever the hell I want to do, not help a kid with homework, and bedtime, and all that stuff.
#38
I can tell my partner I love her more than anyone else in the world and actually mean it.
#39
People say it changes your life. My life is awesome and I don't want it changing. I'm 40, never married and me and my girlfriend do what we want, when we want.
Why would we give this up to change shitty nappies, halve the amount of hours we sleep, lose our social life and spend all our money on kids? Mental.
#41
They s**t themselves. They drink too much milk and puke cottage cheese. Annoying most of the time. Can't talk right for like 2-3 years, then they don't make sense for the next 15-20. Expensive as f**k. There is a chance they hate you and kill you in your sleep.
I'd rather be an uncle and call it a day.
#42
Im an older sister to many, I feel like ive already been a mother, i want to enjoy life, not cater to someone else’s needs. Im sure it will change but right now I’m very uninterested in birthing a tiny human and having to raise it
#43
My sister had a baby with her boyfriend while she was still living at home and I wanted to kill myself from the baby’s constant crying at every hour of the day. No way in hell I would purposely put myself through that again. People with more than one kid are psychos.
#44
People who do want children, have you ever had to be near a child for more than an hour.
#46
They're expensive and I want to live my life without having to worry about them constantly.
#49
I can't imagine how gross it must be to be pregnant and to plop a child out..
I hate my body the way it is - why should I make it worse?
The responsibility for myself is way too much.
And I really love alone time.
I am happy about all the time I get when my bf is not at home.
I like to be free and spontaneous. Go to festivals and stuff like that.
With a child I would have 10-20 years no privacy and all my schedules have to be around the child...
I hate children. I don't like when they look at me and especially when they wanna talk to me. I always try to ignore them and hope their parent gets them soon.
I love my grandma but when her neighbor hat a baby and was often at my grandma I stopped visiting her because I would not want to see a child...
How could one financiate that? One has to slow down work, the career takes a massive step back and you need to buy so much stuff for it. Let alone a bigger flat and vacations are only possible in holidays and no one can pay for that.
And it is bad for the environment and the world.
#50
pros:
-cute
-see how your partner and you mix
-naming it
-dressing it up
cons:
-money drain
-stress faucet
-climate change
-overpopulation
-pressure to not f***k over the kid
-sharing
-consideration
-giving birth (i could go on a whole rant about that but let’s not)
-potential strain on relationship with s/o
-some people shouldn’t be allowed to be parents, i am one of those people
-daily expenses/upkeep
-special expenses (christmas, birthday, etc)
-too much responsibility
-forced to grow up/be mature/a role model
-screaming
-crying
-fluids from child (spit up, vomit, feces, urine, blood, etc)
-potential problems with health and to be responsible/parent them
-children being brats
-birds and bees talk
-stubborn, horrible, insufferable children defying you
-being cucked by your own horrid creation (possibility your son becomes a misogynistic, racist incel or frat bro, possibility your daughter is too naïve and stupidly thinks it’s a good idea to get groomed)
-maid them/clean after them
-listen to things you don’t want to listen to
-loud, noisy
-rowdy
basically if i had to raise myself, i wouldn’t.
What do you think ?
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 2 years ago
I’m afraid to have kids since roe v wade was overturned. I would like to have kids, but what if something happened during pregnancy and I needed an abortion. It’s jsut terrifying and I never want to get preggo. But I would adopt.
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
I'm 59 and never had children. My sister is 57 and also child free. I think our bad experiences in our family of origin had a lot to do with our separate choices for no children. Both of our parents were abusive in different ways. I always thought that if I ever wanted kids I would adopt, because there are so many children already in the world who need families. But I never felt like I had my own life together enough to bring that child into it. I just didn't want to pass on the damage. Now that we are seeing how bad the world is doing, just on a physical level with all the environmental collapse, I am even more relieved that I never had a child.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
52, and same. I think a lot of us Gen X-ers went through so much as latchkey kids, and the first generation to have divorced parents/remarried parents as the norm, that a bunch of us just looked at our parents and went "Nope."
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ThatBiBookLover 2 years ago
Depression, suicidal thoughts, ADHD so I can’t be fully there for my kid, always thought I wanted kids till I had a sister 9 years younger than me… I cannot do this. So many reasons.
JMil 2 years ago (edited)
This is a great and very honest thread. I really appreciate it. One thing that I appreciate about the posters and their self-awareness and honesty is that (AND I DO NOT MEAN THIS DISPARAGINGLY!) some people should not have kids. And that is totally cool and great. I support it.
Pax32 2 years ago
For me, other than echoing the time, responsibilities, bad genes, economic factors, and I don't think I make a good parent. Another factor for me to remain childless is the large barriers that comes with being a male. For example, there's places still doesn't have baby changing table in male washrooms, or the assumption that I would do disgusting things, meanwhile I'm just cleaning and changing my kid's diaper. As well, there's places that doesn't have parental leave rights for fathers. Like they do for mothers. On top of that, I'm also gay. Which add more negative assumptions and barriers for me to have a child to take care of. Even if I wanted one by adoption with the money and a clean criminal record.
KWhiskers 2 years ago
I don't know why anyone downvoted you. Those factors are all real, and I hadn't even thought of a couple of them (like the changing table or thinking you were doing disgusting things). Plus it's important to mention the difficulties unique to each group. Adoption is a good option if you want kids, but if you're on the fence extra obstacles may push you away from it.
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MoMcB 2 years ago
My daughter is 28, and doesn't want children. Absolutely her choice. Last week, we were at a family wedding and her aunts were badgering her about getting married and starting a family. She's pretty shy, so it ended with gobby Mum telling them to mind their own. WTAF?
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Well done, you! I always loved it when my MIL would shut that s**t down HARD.
Load More Replies... 𝕜𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟ᴛʜᴇ𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕕 2 years ago
I had always said I wanted to have kids because I thought I SHOULD have kids. So many people say things like, "when you have your own kids.." so I assumed it was something I didn't have much of a choice in. When I met my fiancee seven years ago things got intense between us very quick. When it came time to have the "kids" talk, he explained to me that he was dead set on not having kids. I said okay, because I didn't want to talk about it at that time and I thought, "let's just see what happens." Somewhere along the way I realized that I didn't ever want kids. I thought they were a given. I always knew I'd be miserable and broke but all my life I've had people tell me "you'd manage", or "well I had three jobs when I was raising my kids, you'd just have to do what you have to do to support them." That doesn't sound like something I want to be a part of. Especially considering I might traumatized a child by being resentful to them.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
As soon as I realized "Oh. Wait. I don't HAVE to have kids," my entire world changed for the better. Too many of us do it without thought because we are afraid of missing out on something we think we "have" to do.
Load More Replies... Kharyss 2 years ago
Way too many justifications here. The only one that’s really important is “Because I don’t want them”. Why should anybody have to justify whether they decide to procreate or not? It’s a personal decision; usually not taken lightly. Most importantly, it’s no one else’s business.
Leekun 2 years ago
I didn't have a bad childhood, I wasn't abused. My parents are so loving. I still don't want kids. I get tense whenever Im around one and imagining having to put up with that for so many years gives me anxiety. I am autistic and children screaming is the worst. I also have OCD so diapers and the stuff belonging to that area is a big no no. Also the world is going to pieces. Why would I want to bring a kid up in this world when there is no telling when the world's gonna end? (I brought up the happy childhood thing because I wanted to prove that even happy children can turn childfree. Not a dig at abused kids. Abuse sucks)
Aunt Riarch 2 years ago (edited)
You're not the only one. My parents are pretty amazing, I wish everyone could have parents like mine. But I've never felt the urge myself. So I didn't.
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Inclusion2020 2 years ago
I refuse to have kids of my own bc of 2 reasons. First, there’s plenty of kids who need a safe home and loving family. My own traumatic upbringing continues to deeply affect me. Why not save a person from that. Secondly, my family has a history of addiction and mental illness. I needed PHP level intervention to learn to live with my issues and traumas. I’m not bringing a child into this world with with the chance that they could get my fathers or even my own genes.
kit kat 2 years ago
Sounds like a good idea for you to avoid having a family
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Rich2010 2 years ago
It's funny how parents will say that parenting brings a lot of joy and that it's so fulfilling when all I'm witnessing is the misery that comes along with it. "It's different when they're your own kids".... I can't believe people are actually naive enough to fall for this. I listened to enough parents vent to me to know that this is NOT the case. It's all a trap. They want people to think that parenting is so great because if everyone else around them was in the same boat as them then they wouldn't be reminded of what could've been if they didn't make the choice to reproduce.
Lonely Tentacle 2 years ago
What's sad is that so many people in this list talked with humility and respect towards kids and how they wouldn't want to be bad parents to kids, and you just know they would be good parents, while the world is full of people who had kids for the wrong reasons and/or are the worst parents, actively harming their kids... :(
Lee 2 years ago (edited)
I just plain do not like kids. They are loud and annoying. I have my father's very short temper, though I do control it better than he does. I have never put a hole in the floor by throwing a chair, but I do say things I don't mean a lot. I would never want a kid to look back on it all and say "I'm not sad I was born, but Mom should have NEVER had me" like I do about my dad often. Better to just not tempt fate. I know everyone SAYS it's different when it's your own, but I'm sorry, do you REALLY want to test that? Best case, they are absolutely right and it all worked out amazingly. But the worst case isn't worth trying for the best IMO.
Hanna Johansson 2 years ago
Love this. I don't think I wanna have a baby ever. I want me to always be my biggest priority.
Upper Enchilada 2 years ago
I would like to share my gratitude to those altruistic enough to give up any possible aspirations of having a child so as not to add to the overpopulation. Your contribution, in this planet of 8 billion, will make all the difference. It’s very generous and thoughtful.
Artisan of the Realm 2 years ago
All the above have sighted great valid reasons not to procreate, but really the TOP reason is the uncomfortable and horrific fact of world overpopulation. Why does world overpopulation matter one might ask? 1. At 8 billion people, we are over-consuming, over-polluting, and over developing/destroying the natural resources of the planet that IS NOT SUSTAINABLE on any level. 2. 50 billions animals are slaughtered every year for human consumption, and if that's hot enough, we practically wipe out almost every species to extinction in the wild. 3. Yes, there is a direct link to Climate Change and world overpopulation, that's also a fact. 4. More than 70 percent of the world's population lives under poverty level, less than a dollar a day. 5. Homo Sapiens, aka "Humans" are the single most destructive, greedy, and dangerous species to ever inhabit this planet in its entire history. It is not an absurd assumption to equate humans as the ultimate virus cancer of the planet.
JMil 2 years ago (edited)
Agreed. This is very high on my cons list of having a child. I did note earlier in the thread, having one child does decrease the population in the long-term (assuming we don't become near immortal). This is one reason it is extremely likely I'm one-and-done. Love my daughter immensely, and we have given much consideration to a second, but this is a major reason why it is not likely to happen. (Edit: when my daughter is older we may foster)
Load More Replies... Max M 2 years ago
I never liked kids. They are aholes, ask to much, annoying and evil because their parent are aholes.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
wow you have obviously never met any decent ones. I've found that if you talk to them as if they were people and see what they're interested in, they actually chill out. But maybe that's becasue I am not in your country and don't see the same bad behaviour that you do.
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Jodee Rebecca Davey 2 years ago
I Don't Want Kids Because I Can Barely Take Care of Myself Much Less Any Kids
Kyrsten Torrey 2 years ago
I can barely take care of myself as it is. I don't even want pets and I'm an animal lover! Kids have just never interested me, and even though I'm an aunt, my neices still don't interest me even being 8 and 9.
Pandaroo 2 years ago
Still, I like that these conversations are becoming part of public discourse. In my teens and 20s ppl were like wtf why don't you want bayyybeeees! You'll regret it! But because of this new discourse my life isn't being questioned anymore.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
This is a big deal. I mean, until I was in my 20s, I didn't understand that you really COULD choose to not have kids, esp if you were married. My mom and grandma never even questioned it in the first place. There were no other options. We need to keep talking about it!
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Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
I have bipolar 1 disorder, and much of my life has involved dealing with a mental health crisis. I have experienced bone-crushing depression, and hugely destructive bouts of mania. My mom had bipolar disorder. My maternal grandmother had bipolar disorder. My maternal great-grandmother had bipolar disorder. And literally everyone in my family tree, going back generations, has been addicted to alcohol. The cycle ends with me.
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
I didn't play with dollars and flat out told my mom I didn't want kids when I was 6-7. Im in my early 40s now and have never had a single regret about not having children. Most of my friends are child free and none of them have had regrets. Of my friends who have children, I know of two separate couples that greatly regret having children. I have one friend couple that are childless and (despite being able to provide a stable family two parent home, steady reliable income, beautiful home in a great school district etc) they are stuck in the disgusting loop of trying to adopt in the USA. All of these forced birth people that are so hard set on anti abortion c**p seem to be completely blind when it comes to their "there are plenty of people who want to adopt" talking point. 400,000 or so kids in the foster care system says that either there aren't enough people willing to adopt or that the process is such a mess that those who are willing to do so can't. Sorry for my rant.
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
Going to add that yes I do have plenty of friends that have kids and love them. One of my best friends has 5. There is no one better option. Some people love kids, some people don't. It's not a barometer of good vs bad. Also, child free and childless are separate things and I wish more people understood that. Also, can we stop asking "do you have kids?" "When will you have kids?" Type questions. They can be incredibly hurtful for those who can't have children and at the very least it's kind of gross to ask new acquaintances about their sex lives right off the bat.
Load More Replies... Microwave Chef 2 years ago
People don't need a reason to not want kids. It's nobody else's business, live and let live. ✌🏽
Iam Knucks 2 years ago
I've seen those list pop up a couple times now and it always seems to boil down to "I don't want them". Fair f*****g enough. Glad people who don't want kids are not having kids.
Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago
I've never understood having kids to make the world a better place. Like, what are you doing right now to make it a better place? How did it get to be a bad place in the first place? (Spoilers: humans) Why is it the burden of the next generation to fix our mistakes? I'm sure some of us were supposed to fix the mistakes of our parents. How's that working out? These aren't just rhetorical questions. I honestly would like to know.
Ladytron 2 years ago
Being a mom was never something I really dreamt about. Honestly I think I could have been childfree without feeling something was missing. That said, I have 3 kids and found great joy in parenthood overall. They don't really feel like "kids" to me, they are family members. I guess in the same way pet owners don't really feel they have "pets". When people say "oh but kids are loud and messy and hard to deal with" I can't really relate to my kids. Not that they are not those things (they can absolutely be) just that I don't lump them up like that so it feels off when people do. They are family members with different traits. I guess that's what parenthood does to you... so, I don't think it's as black and white as either you are a "parent" type of person or a "child free" type of person. I'm sure I would have been able to have a meaningful life either way - just different.
Ladytron 2 years ago
The major thing that bothers me about being parents is how visible gender inequality is once a couple starts having kids though. THAT scares me and it shouldn't be like that. Even in countries that have come a long way statistics show that that equality drops A LOT after kids and the couple takes on more traditional roles. Parenthood hurts women more than men. I wish it wasn't like that.
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Fearhunter 2 years ago
I suffer from chronically depression and I fear that this could be difficult for own children. I'm not saying that people with mental illness don't have to be parents but me for myself are damn afraid what my depressions could do with my children like they could be feeling that I don't love them or something. Of course it's an illness but that's something even many adults can't understand emotionally and feel not beloved in some phases. Even if they know it better. And this for a little child... I would suck as mom.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
For all these reasons and more. I wouldn't have my job if I had kids. I work two weeks on a boat, two weeks off. Very few of my crew mates have kids and right now it's my two weeks off, I get to spend those two weeks doing anything I want, and nobody can question me. I like my free time, I like my money, my peace and quiet, my fragile balance of my mental health which takes work to keep balanced. It's hard work taking care of myself, let alone another completely dependent human. Furthermore, I have no plans to live past 80 at most due to our declining planet, economy, political climate, social climate, etc, why would I subject another generation to it. And lastly.... I DON'T WANT KIDS! POINT BLANK!
Janet C 2 years ago
I knew at 16 I never wanted kids. I had never played with baby dolls and hated the one and only time I babysat. Everyone told me I'd change my mind. I'm now 66 and have zero regrets. I had an active and fulfilling career and retired at 62. Moved to Spain with my husband and we now live a dream life in a small mountain village an hour south of Valencia. We travel all over Europe, regularly attend all the local festivals, concerts, and events we want, and go out to eat whenever we feel like it. I wouldn't change a thing. And kids would have prevented all of this.
Daria Z 2 years ago
First of all, I cannot afford having a child. Then there's the whole mess my country (Russia) has got itself into, and I'm not sure it's the place where I'd want my children to live. To top it off, I'm not even sure I'd be a good parent. Depression and anxiety leave me little energy to barely manage my current life, and any child deserves so much more than I'm able to give.
Hannah 2 years ago
Honestly, I'm just scared I'd kill them. I'm one of the clumsiest, most forgetful, most easily distracted people i know. I don't want to drop my baby, or forget them in a hot car, or lose them at a grocery store and get them kidnapped or something. What if I forgot to feed them? Or I take a tumble down the stairs with them and leave the paralyzed or something?? Nooo thank you. No siree. I'm not risking that on an innocent life. I don't even have a pet. I can't even remember to take care of virtual pets, why would I risk it on a live one?
JMil 2 years ago
Good reasoning and I am not pressuring/suggesting at all you should have a kid, just noting an interesting phenomenon, for me, anyway. I'm laid back, but when my daughter was in a more "fragile" phase, I would enter a state of hyper-alert level 100 when with her.
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colorfultragedy 2 years ago
Having bipolar disorder and tourette's would definitely make it difficult to carry, birth, and care for a child already, but I take care of my three younger siblings and doing it, realizing my mother basically has to do the same, and realizing how hard that must be has made me confident that I'll just get a couple cats.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
You have to have "Something" in you to make you want to have a child. That's the same "Something" you'll draw strength from while raising the child. So if you don't actively want to be a parent, it's much harder to be a good one.
Helen Waight 2 years ago
I’m phobic of pregnancy, have had one termination when my iud failed, am on a number of medications that would be very harmful to a fetus, am physically disabled, and have absolutely no maternal urges whatsoever. Been happily married to a childfree man for nearly 20 years this month! To me parenting is like raising animals I’m phobic of: hey great for you if you’re into it but I am never doing it.
Daffodil 2 years ago
I absolutely love kids, but I don't want to have kids because of a few reasons. 1) I don't wanna be responsible for a kid under 4/5. I couldn't deal with it if my infant did something dangerous and got hurt, even if I tried preventing it, and quite frankly i value my sleep too much. Plus I'd have trouble entertaining the kid, and I don't wanna raise a kid who refuses to do anything except play on a phone. Which brings me to my second thing: 2) Right now my sister and I are babysitting a lot. (I'm 10 years older than my brother, my sisters a year younger than me. I don't wanna say exact ages but you can get a pretty close range, considering we're all minors) My parents have been slacking so much on the parenting lately, that he has almost no manners, only plays on his phone, and when he's not allowed to have it refuses to do anything else and complains until he's allowed to have it, and he doesn't listen to anyone except my dad.
Daffodil 2 years ago
3) I don't want to undergo the drastic changes to my physical and mental health. I'm also scared of needles (under an umbrella phobia I have, it's pretty rare I think and I haven't found a name for it online, but it's the phobia of anything I consider foreign in my body, which could range from a baby, to a needle, to a tampon, to a liquid-gel pill). And I don't wanna go through the process of giving birth. 4) I like money.
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Marley Nachi 2 years ago
I enjoy getting to live my life how I want it after growing up with a tough childhood. I'm living the childhood I want as an adult. I'm not a doom-ist and see this future world as a catastrophy. I just want to be me and have the choice to make up my own mind on how I want to live. I like children, and choose to be the cool auntie instead of 'mummy'
Bernd Herbert 2 years ago
Not a reason, merely an observation: I was many times in a situation where I thought: Manü, if I had kids now, I couldn’t do this right now, or with jükids, this situation wouldn’t be as good, or even worse. Never ever had I the opposite: „You know what would be better now? Having a kid!“ So, that’s that
Suz66 2 years ago
I tried to get pregnant with my ex. We were married for 24 years. I could never conceive (endometriosis diagnosed later.) I'm grateful now after that marriage crashed and burned. My health turned sideways while still young (I was 29.) I now caregive for my mother with dementia so God had other plans. I wouldn't be able to with young kids. I'm not patient with kids now. I would never have gotten any much needed quiet time (a rarity as a caregiver anyway.) I can't imagine adding kids to my life.
jpaul 2 years ago
lot of good points into the point of views. the 'fu..ed up world', and 'chains' come up often. sometimes i tend to think like that too. why complicating your life when you're perfectly happy with your actual life. But in the same time when i cross the face of a cute little girl in the streets it's hard not to want one. I mean they're so freakin' cute. Plus a family is very important. especially into our actual weirdo world. You can hardly find something more strong, stable, and emotionnally positive than a family nowadays
Y D 2 years ago
Kids are hilarious. Don't need them in my house or touching my stuff and I'm totally cool seeing them quarterly. Only response I've ever given to someone harranguing me about not having kids that silenced the speaker: Have you met yours? HARD PASS. When someone feels the need to comment on your life decisions, strike hard enough that they will not risk broaching the subject again.
SCP 4666 2 years ago (edited)
Actually I wouldn`t mind having one or two kids. But like many commenters said, they`re loud, expensive, take up all of your time etc. Plus, you know...overpopulation, climate change etc. And I´m too afraid that my kid(s) will be affected by one of the hundreds of genetic misshaps lurking in our DNA. ( Dont get me wrong, if thats the case then so be it but as a parent you usually wish for a healthy child, right?) So I`m really uncertain here. Should I habe kids or not? Hmmm, decisions, decisions...
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
In one of the Red Dwarf Season 1 episodes there's a scene where Lister thinks he's going to die. He laments that he wanted to have a family "and loads of practise at the things you gotta do in order to get a family". Well, I'm the exact opposite of all that. Don't want kids, don't want a partner, don't want to have sex. Ever. If I weren't aro ace and *did* want kids... well, I'm far too broke to adopt.
foofoofloofy 2 years ago
Children scare me, honestly. I have issues being in the same room with them, let alone actually HAVING one. I'm still young, and my opinion may change with time (but I don't think so).
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
It is remarkable how culturally determined this is. In my experience (Africa), people from Mediterranean backgrounds (meaning traditional, religious people), and African-africans, do not understand this at all. So I think that the idea of "not having" kids is a distinclty white western thing (maybe Chinese as well since they had that 1-child policy). I think the arguments from selfishness (it is inconvenient), or the arguments from environmental decay and overpopulation are legitimate. BUT, and here's the rub... the ONLY people with the economic power, voting power, and intellectual influence, to UNDO the damage to the earth... are precisely the same who won't have kids. Meaning once yall are extinct... the pro-children group will inherit the earth. And make humanity extinct by breeding to extinction.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
the rank changes according to votes, so you need to quote the original.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
I hope you're supporting access to safe and legal abortion, then.
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Liam Walsh 2 years ago
Do you write 'another pro kid post on BP' every time? There are plenty of them. Room for both. Don't like, don't read. Click on the menu 'parenting' and have at it.
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Chris Jones 2 years ago
Pick your audience better. This is a place where people are commenting on their reasons not to. If you want success stories pick a parenting post. They exist after all. No one is saying don't, they are saying why THEY didn't.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Honey, my parents SHOULDN'T'VE had kids, and if I wasn't here, I wouldn't know the difference. Our own family life gives us a pretty solid indication of what life with kids would be like, in fact.
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Hyrule26 2 years ago
Actually, we are currently overpopulated. Check your facts darling.
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RandomFrog(He/They️️) 2 years ago
I’m afraid to have kids since roe v wade was overturned. I would like to have kids, but what if something happened during pregnancy and I needed an abortion. It’s jsut terrifying and I never want to get preggo. But I would adopt.
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
I'm 59 and never had children. My sister is 57 and also child free. I think our bad experiences in our family of origin had a lot to do with our separate choices for no children. Both of our parents were abusive in different ways. I always thought that if I ever wanted kids I would adopt, because there are so many children already in the world who need families. But I never felt like I had my own life together enough to bring that child into it. I just didn't want to pass on the damage. Now that we are seeing how bad the world is doing, just on a physical level with all the environmental collapse, I am even more relieved that I never had a child.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
52, and same. I think a lot of us Gen X-ers went through so much as latchkey kids, and the first generation to have divorced parents/remarried parents as the norm, that a bunch of us just looked at our parents and went "Nope."
Load More Replies... ThatBiBookLover 2 years ago
Depression, suicidal thoughts, ADHD so I can’t be fully there for my kid, always thought I wanted kids till I had a sister 9 years younger than me… I cannot do this. So many reasons.
JMil 2 years ago (edited)
This is a great and very honest thread. I really appreciate it. One thing that I appreciate about the posters and their self-awareness and honesty is that (AND I DO NOT MEAN THIS DISPARAGINGLY!) some people should not have kids. And that is totally cool and great. I support it.
Pax32 2 years ago
For me, other than echoing the time, responsibilities, bad genes, economic factors, and I don't think I make a good parent. Another factor for me to remain childless is the large barriers that comes with being a male. For example, there's places still doesn't have baby changing table in male washrooms, or the assumption that I would do disgusting things, meanwhile I'm just cleaning and changing my kid's diaper. As well, there's places that doesn't have parental leave rights for fathers. Like they do for mothers. On top of that, I'm also gay. Which add more negative assumptions and barriers for me to have a child to take care of. Even if I wanted one by adoption with the money and a clean criminal record.
KWhiskers 2 years ago
I don't know why anyone downvoted you. Those factors are all real, and I hadn't even thought of a couple of them (like the changing table or thinking you were doing disgusting things). Plus it's important to mention the difficulties unique to each group. Adoption is a good option if you want kids, but if you're on the fence extra obstacles may push you away from it.
Load More Replies... MoMcB 2 years ago
My daughter is 28, and doesn't want children. Absolutely her choice. Last week, we were at a family wedding and her aunts were badgering her about getting married and starting a family. She's pretty shy, so it ended with gobby Mum telling them to mind their own. WTAF?
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Well done, you! I always loved it when my MIL would shut that s**t down HARD.
Load More Replies... 𝕜𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟ᴛʜᴇ𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕕 2 years ago
I had always said I wanted to have kids because I thought I SHOULD have kids. So many people say things like, "when you have your own kids.." so I assumed it was something I didn't have much of a choice in. When I met my fiancee seven years ago things got intense between us very quick. When it came time to have the "kids" talk, he explained to me that he was dead set on not having kids. I said okay, because I didn't want to talk about it at that time and I thought, "let's just see what happens." Somewhere along the way I realized that I didn't ever want kids. I thought they were a given. I always knew I'd be miserable and broke but all my life I've had people tell me "you'd manage", or "well I had three jobs when I was raising my kids, you'd just have to do what you have to do to support them." That doesn't sound like something I want to be a part of. Especially considering I might traumatized a child by being resentful to them.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
As soon as I realized "Oh. Wait. I don't HAVE to have kids," my entire world changed for the better. Too many of us do it without thought because we are afraid of missing out on something we think we "have" to do.
Load More Replies... Kharyss 2 years ago
Way too many justifications here. The only one that’s really important is “Because I don’t want them”. Why should anybody have to justify whether they decide to procreate or not? It’s a personal decision; usually not taken lightly. Most importantly, it’s no one else’s business.
Leekun 2 years ago
I didn't have a bad childhood, I wasn't abused. My parents are so loving. I still don't want kids. I get tense whenever Im around one and imagining having to put up with that for so many years gives me anxiety. I am autistic and children screaming is the worst. I also have OCD so diapers and the stuff belonging to that area is a big no no. Also the world is going to pieces. Why would I want to bring a kid up in this world when there is no telling when the world's gonna end? (I brought up the happy childhood thing because I wanted to prove that even happy children can turn childfree. Not a dig at abused kids. Abuse sucks)
Aunt Riarch 2 years ago (edited)
You're not the only one. My parents are pretty amazing, I wish everyone could have parents like mine. But I've never felt the urge myself. So I didn't.
Load More Replies... Inclusion2020 2 years ago
I refuse to have kids of my own bc of 2 reasons. First, there’s plenty of kids who need a safe home and loving family. My own traumatic upbringing continues to deeply affect me. Why not save a person from that. Secondly, my family has a history of addiction and mental illness. I needed PHP level intervention to learn to live with my issues and traumas. I’m not bringing a child into this world with with the chance that they could get my fathers or even my own genes.
kit kat 2 years ago
Sounds like a good idea for you to avoid having a family
Load More Replies... Rich2010 2 years ago
It's funny how parents will say that parenting brings a lot of joy and that it's so fulfilling when all I'm witnessing is the misery that comes along with it. "It's different when they're your own kids".... I can't believe people are actually naive enough to fall for this. I listened to enough parents vent to me to know that this is NOT the case. It's all a trap. They want people to think that parenting is so great because if everyone else around them was in the same boat as them then they wouldn't be reminded of what could've been if they didn't make the choice to reproduce.
Lonely Tentacle 2 years ago
What's sad is that so many people in this list talked with humility and respect towards kids and how they wouldn't want to be bad parents to kids, and you just know they would be good parents, while the world is full of people who had kids for the wrong reasons and/or are the worst parents, actively harming their kids... :(
Lee 2 years ago (edited)
I just plain do not like kids. They are loud and annoying. I have my father's very short temper, though I do control it better than he does. I have never put a hole in the floor by throwing a chair, but I do say things I don't mean a lot. I would never want a kid to look back on it all and say "I'm not sad I was born, but Mom should have NEVER had me" like I do about my dad often. Better to just not tempt fate. I know everyone SAYS it's different when it's your own, but I'm sorry, do you REALLY want to test that? Best case, they are absolutely right and it all worked out amazingly. But the worst case isn't worth trying for the best IMO.
Hanna Johansson 2 years ago
Love this. I don't think I wanna have a baby ever. I want me to always be my biggest priority.
Upper Enchilada 2 years ago
I would like to share my gratitude to those altruistic enough to give up any possible aspirations of having a child so as not to add to the overpopulation. Your contribution, in this planet of 8 billion, will make all the difference. It’s very generous and thoughtful.
Artisan of the Realm 2 years ago
All the above have sighted great valid reasons not to procreate, but really the TOP reason is the uncomfortable and horrific fact of world overpopulation. Why does world overpopulation matter one might ask? 1. At 8 billion people, we are over-consuming, over-polluting, and over developing/destroying the natural resources of the planet that IS NOT SUSTAINABLE on any level. 2. 50 billions animals are slaughtered every year for human consumption, and if that's hot enough, we practically wipe out almost every species to extinction in the wild. 3. Yes, there is a direct link to Climate Change and world overpopulation, that's also a fact. 4. More than 70 percent of the world's population lives under poverty level, less than a dollar a day. 5. Homo Sapiens, aka "Humans" are the single most destructive, greedy, and dangerous species to ever inhabit this planet in its entire history. It is not an absurd assumption to equate humans as the ultimate virus cancer of the planet.
JMil 2 years ago (edited)
Agreed. This is very high on my cons list of having a child. I did note earlier in the thread, having one child does decrease the population in the long-term (assuming we don't become near immortal). This is one reason it is extremely likely I'm one-and-done. Love my daughter immensely, and we have given much consideration to a second, but this is a major reason why it is not likely to happen. (Edit: when my daughter is older we may foster)
Load More Replies... Max M 2 years ago
I never liked kids. They are aholes, ask to much, annoying and evil because their parent are aholes.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
wow you have obviously never met any decent ones. I've found that if you talk to them as if they were people and see what they're interested in, they actually chill out. But maybe that's becasue I am not in your country and don't see the same bad behaviour that you do.
Load More Replies... Jodee Rebecca Davey 2 years ago
I Don't Want Kids Because I Can Barely Take Care of Myself Much Less Any Kids
Kyrsten Torrey 2 years ago
I can barely take care of myself as it is. I don't even want pets and I'm an animal lover! Kids have just never interested me, and even though I'm an aunt, my neices still don't interest me even being 8 and 9.
Pandaroo 2 years ago
Still, I like that these conversations are becoming part of public discourse. In my teens and 20s ppl were like wtf why don't you want bayyybeeees! You'll regret it! But because of this new discourse my life isn't being questioned anymore.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
This is a big deal. I mean, until I was in my 20s, I didn't understand that you really COULD choose to not have kids, esp if you were married. My mom and grandma never even questioned it in the first place. There were no other options. We need to keep talking about it!
Load More Replies... Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
I have bipolar 1 disorder, and much of my life has involved dealing with a mental health crisis. I have experienced bone-crushing depression, and hugely destructive bouts of mania. My mom had bipolar disorder. My maternal grandmother had bipolar disorder. My maternal great-grandmother had bipolar disorder. And literally everyone in my family tree, going back generations, has been addicted to alcohol. The cycle ends with me.
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
I didn't play with dollars and flat out told my mom I didn't want kids when I was 6-7. Im in my early 40s now and have never had a single regret about not having children. Most of my friends are child free and none of them have had regrets. Of my friends who have children, I know of two separate couples that greatly regret having children. I have one friend couple that are childless and (despite being able to provide a stable family two parent home, steady reliable income, beautiful home in a great school district etc) they are stuck in the disgusting loop of trying to adopt in the USA. All of these forced birth people that are so hard set on anti abortion c**p seem to be completely blind when it comes to their "there are plenty of people who want to adopt" talking point. 400,000 or so kids in the foster care system says that either there aren't enough people willing to adopt or that the process is such a mess that those who are willing to do so can't. Sorry for my rant.
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
Going to add that yes I do have plenty of friends that have kids and love them. One of my best friends has 5. There is no one better option. Some people love kids, some people don't. It's not a barometer of good vs bad. Also, child free and childless are separate things and I wish more people understood that. Also, can we stop asking "do you have kids?" "When will you have kids?" Type questions. They can be incredibly hurtful for those who can't have children and at the very least it's kind of gross to ask new acquaintances about their sex lives right off the bat.
Load More Replies... Microwave Chef 2 years ago
People don't need a reason to not want kids. It's nobody else's business, live and let live. ✌🏽
Iam Knucks 2 years ago
I've seen those list pop up a couple times now and it always seems to boil down to "I don't want them". Fair f*****g enough. Glad people who don't want kids are not having kids.
Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago
I've never understood having kids to make the world a better place. Like, what are you doing right now to make it a better place? How did it get to be a bad place in the first place? (Spoilers: humans) Why is it the burden of the next generation to fix our mistakes? I'm sure some of us were supposed to fix the mistakes of our parents. How's that working out? These aren't just rhetorical questions. I honestly would like to know.
Ladytron 2 years ago
Being a mom was never something I really dreamt about. Honestly I think I could have been childfree without feeling something was missing. That said, I have 3 kids and found great joy in parenthood overall. They don't really feel like "kids" to me, they are family members. I guess in the same way pet owners don't really feel they have "pets". When people say "oh but kids are loud and messy and hard to deal with" I can't really relate to my kids. Not that they are not those things (they can absolutely be) just that I don't lump them up like that so it feels off when people do. They are family members with different traits. I guess that's what parenthood does to you... so, I don't think it's as black and white as either you are a "parent" type of person or a "child free" type of person. I'm sure I would have been able to have a meaningful life either way - just different.
Ladytron 2 years ago
The major thing that bothers me about being parents is how visible gender inequality is once a couple starts having kids though. THAT scares me and it shouldn't be like that. Even in countries that have come a long way statistics show that that equality drops A LOT after kids and the couple takes on more traditional roles. Parenthood hurts women more than men. I wish it wasn't like that.
Load More Replies... Fearhunter 2 years ago
I suffer from chronically depression and I fear that this could be difficult for own children. I'm not saying that people with mental illness don't have to be parents but me for myself are damn afraid what my depressions could do with my children like they could be feeling that I don't love them or something. Of course it's an illness but that's something even many adults can't understand emotionally and feel not beloved in some phases. Even if they know it better. And this for a little child... I would suck as mom.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
For all these reasons and more. I wouldn't have my job if I had kids. I work two weeks on a boat, two weeks off. Very few of my crew mates have kids and right now it's my two weeks off, I get to spend those two weeks doing anything I want, and nobody can question me. I like my free time, I like my money, my peace and quiet, my fragile balance of my mental health which takes work to keep balanced. It's hard work taking care of myself, let alone another completely dependent human. Furthermore, I have no plans to live past 80 at most due to our declining planet, economy, political climate, social climate, etc, why would I subject another generation to it. And lastly.... I DON'T WANT KIDS! POINT BLANK!
Janet C 2 years ago
I knew at 16 I never wanted kids. I had never played with baby dolls and hated the one and only time I babysat. Everyone told me I'd change my mind. I'm now 66 and have zero regrets. I had an active and fulfilling career and retired at 62. Moved to Spain with my husband and we now live a dream life in a small mountain village an hour south of Valencia. We travel all over Europe, regularly attend all the local festivals, concerts, and events we want, and go out to eat whenever we feel like it. I wouldn't change a thing. And kids would have prevented all of this.
Daria Z 2 years ago
First of all, I cannot afford having a child. Then there's the whole mess my country (Russia) has got itself into, and I'm not sure it's the place where I'd want my children to live. To top it off, I'm not even sure I'd be a good parent. Depression and anxiety leave me little energy to barely manage my current life, and any child deserves so much more than I'm able to give.
Hannah 2 years ago
Honestly, I'm just scared I'd kill them. I'm one of the clumsiest, most forgetful, most easily distracted people i know. I don't want to drop my baby, or forget them in a hot car, or lose them at a grocery store and get them kidnapped or something. What if I forgot to feed them? Or I take a tumble down the stairs with them and leave the paralyzed or something?? Nooo thank you. No siree. I'm not risking that on an innocent life. I don't even have a pet. I can't even remember to take care of virtual pets, why would I risk it on a live one?
JMil 2 years ago
Good reasoning and I am not pressuring/suggesting at all you should have a kid, just noting an interesting phenomenon, for me, anyway. I'm laid back, but when my daughter was in a more "fragile" phase, I would enter a state of hyper-alert level 100 when with her.
Load More Replies... colorfultragedy 2 years ago
Having bipolar disorder and tourette's would definitely make it difficult to carry, birth, and care for a child already, but I take care of my three younger siblings and doing it, realizing my mother basically has to do the same, and realizing how hard that must be has made me confident that I'll just get a couple cats.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
You have to have "Something" in you to make you want to have a child. That's the same "Something" you'll draw strength from while raising the child. So if you don't actively want to be a parent, it's much harder to be a good one.
Helen Waight 2 years ago
I’m phobic of pregnancy, have had one termination when my iud failed, am on a number of medications that would be very harmful to a fetus, am physically disabled, and have absolutely no maternal urges whatsoever. Been happily married to a childfree man for nearly 20 years this month! To me parenting is like raising animals I’m phobic of: hey great for you if you’re into it but I am never doing it.
Daffodil 2 years ago
I absolutely love kids, but I don't want to have kids because of a few reasons. 1) I don't wanna be responsible for a kid under 4/5. I couldn't deal with it if my infant did something dangerous and got hurt, even if I tried preventing it, and quite frankly i value my sleep too much. Plus I'd have trouble entertaining the kid, and I don't wanna raise a kid who refuses to do anything except play on a phone. Which brings me to my second thing: 2) Right now my sister and I are babysitting a lot. (I'm 10 years older than my brother, my sisters a year younger than me. I don't wanna say exact ages but you can get a pretty close range, considering we're all minors) My parents have been slacking so much on the parenting lately, that he has almost no manners, only plays on his phone, and when he's not allowed to have it refuses to do anything else and complains until he's allowed to have it, and he doesn't listen to anyone except my dad.
Daffodil 2 years ago
3) I don't want to undergo the drastic changes to my physical and mental health. I'm also scared of needles (under an umbrella phobia I have, it's pretty rare I think and I haven't found a name for it online, but it's the phobia of anything I consider foreign in my body, which could range from a baby, to a needle, to a tampon, to a liquid-gel pill). And I don't wanna go through the process of giving birth. 4) I like money.
Load More Replies... Marley Nachi 2 years ago
I enjoy getting to live my life how I want it after growing up with a tough childhood. I'm living the childhood I want as an adult. I'm not a doom-ist and see this future world as a catastrophy. I just want to be me and have the choice to make up my own mind on how I want to live. I like children, and choose to be the cool auntie instead of 'mummy'
Bernd Herbert 2 years ago
Not a reason, merely an observation: I was many times in a situation where I thought: Manü, if I had kids now, I couldn’t do this right now, or with jükids, this situation wouldn’t be as good, or even worse. Never ever had I the opposite: „You know what would be better now? Having a kid!“ So, that’s that
Suz66 2 years ago
I tried to get pregnant with my ex. We were married for 24 years. I could never conceive (endometriosis diagnosed later.) I'm grateful now after that marriage crashed and burned. My health turned sideways while still young (I was 29.) I now caregive for my mother with dementia so God had other plans. I wouldn't be able to with young kids. I'm not patient with kids now. I would never have gotten any much needed quiet time (a rarity as a caregiver anyway.) I can't imagine adding kids to my life.
jpaul 2 years ago
lot of good points into the point of views. the 'fu..ed up world', and 'chains' come up often. sometimes i tend to think like that too. why complicating your life when you're perfectly happy with your actual life. But in the same time when i cross the face of a cute little girl in the streets it's hard not to want one. I mean they're so freakin' cute. Plus a family is very important. especially into our actual weirdo world. You can hardly find something more strong, stable, and emotionnally positive than a family nowadays
Y D 2 years ago
Kids are hilarious. Don't need them in my house or touching my stuff and I'm totally cool seeing them quarterly. Only response I've ever given to someone harranguing me about not having kids that silenced the speaker: Have you met yours? HARD PASS. When someone feels the need to comment on your life decisions, strike hard enough that they will not risk broaching the subject again.
SCP 4666 2 years ago (edited)
Actually I wouldn`t mind having one or two kids. But like many commenters said, they`re loud, expensive, take up all of your time etc. Plus, you know...overpopulation, climate change etc. And I´m too afraid that my kid(s) will be affected by one of the hundreds of genetic misshaps lurking in our DNA. ( Dont get me wrong, if thats the case then so be it but as a parent you usually wish for a healthy child, right?) So I`m really uncertain here. Should I habe kids or not? Hmmm, decisions, decisions...
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
In one of the Red Dwarf Season 1 episodes there's a scene where Lister thinks he's going to die. He laments that he wanted to have a family "and loads of practise at the things you gotta do in order to get a family". Well, I'm the exact opposite of all that. Don't want kids, don't want a partner, don't want to have sex. Ever. If I weren't aro ace and *did* want kids... well, I'm far too broke to adopt.
foofoofloofy 2 years ago
Children scare me, honestly. I have issues being in the same room with them, let alone actually HAVING one. I'm still young, and my opinion may change with time (but I don't think so).
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
It is remarkable how culturally determined this is. In my experience (Africa), people from Mediterranean backgrounds (meaning traditional, religious people), and African-africans, do not understand this at all. So I think that the idea of "not having" kids is a distinclty white western thing (maybe Chinese as well since they had that 1-child policy). I think the arguments from selfishness (it is inconvenient), or the arguments from environmental decay and overpopulation are legitimate. BUT, and here's the rub... the ONLY people with the economic power, voting power, and intellectual influence, to UNDO the damage to the earth... are precisely the same who won't have kids. Meaning once yall are extinct... the pro-children group will inherit the earth. And make humanity extinct by breeding to extinction.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
the rank changes according to votes, so you need to quote the original.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
I hope you're supporting access to safe and legal abortion, then.
Load More Replies... Liam Walsh 2 years ago
Do you write 'another pro kid post on BP' every time? There are plenty of them. Room for both. Don't like, don't read. Click on the menu 'parenting' and have at it.
Load More Replies... Chris Jones 2 years ago
Pick your audience better. This is a place where people are commenting on their reasons not to. If you want success stories pick a parenting post. They exist after all. No one is saying don't, they are saying why THEY didn't.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Honey, my parents SHOULDN'T'VE had kids, and if I wasn't here, I wouldn't know the difference. Our own family life gives us a pretty solid indication of what life with kids would be like, in fact.
Load More Replies... Hyrule26 2 years ago
Actually, we are currently overpopulated. Check your facts darling.
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