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Someone Asks “People Who Don’t Ever Want To Have Kids, Why?” And People Deliver 30 Honest Replies
Family life in the Western parts of the world is changing: cohabitation is rising and childbearing is plummeting. More and more people are now opting for voluntary childlessness, a conscious decision to not have children despite the pervasive societal expectations, which are especially hard on women.
But despite the outdated views of a fulfilled family that sees kids as a crucial part of its equation, a life without children is the new normal. So when a redditor who goes by Foxscream posted the question “People who don’t ever want to have kids, why?” people had a lot to say about this topic.
The thread offers a fresh and much-needed perspective on what makes people not want to have children, and it’s a very important read for anyone who’s still skeptical about being childfree by choice.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I'm lazy. I like my free time. I like money (well, the little I have!). I like sleep. I've also just never had the instinct in me to want kids. I feel complete without them.
Plus it's scary enough worrying about my own future, let alone the future of miniature humans I am responsible for bringing into the world. Rather give it a miss.
Laura 4 years ago
Did I write this while sleeping? 😂. I hate when people say "it's different with your own kids" or "you would be a great mum". Nooo, motherhood is not for me and it would make me deeply unhappy. People need to deal with the fact that we are women, not walking wombs. We don't dry and die if we don't "fulfill" our "purpose". I have lots of better things to do, like learn archery😊
Lucas 4 years ago
I know two mothers who genuinely love their children but both would choose not to have children if they could go back. I do believe that most people don't regret it but parents need to stop thinking that because they found it amazing others automatically will. That or they can't bear seeing their choices somehow diminished because others do not want the same. Neds to be more tolerance in so many aspects of life.
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Honu 4 years ago (edited)
Over the years, I learned to just boil it down to the "I've just never had the instinct in me to want kids." That biological clock thing people talk about? Yeah. That just never went off. Everything else is gravy. I have more money to spend on myself. I can sleep in like a rock star on the weekends. I don't have to worry about anyone else's future or do the insane juggling act so many other grown ups have to do to find balance in their lives. It's fabulous. However, if I did have that deep desire that most people have that makes them need to have children to be fulfilled, it's not like I could just tamp that down hard and make it go away because it's rather inconvenient. I simply don't have it to begin with. None of the benefits I enjoy through being childfree are reasons I didn't have children. I'm not opening up a debate with people about pros and cons because none of that was at all a factor in this choice. I don't have kids because I don't want kids.
D. Pitbull 4 years ago
Being raised by a mother who made it **very clear** to me that she didn't want kids, didn't like kids and told me directly "Don't ever have children - it is the worst thing you can do" - and yes, this was consistent up until my BROTHER had a kid (because my brother is the golden child-the best-the pinnacle of all that is wonderful-so proud-a boy)... so no it wasn't 'just when she was mad about something'. I can attest that if you honestly don't want them... don't have them. Yes, my GAWD it's possible to not want to have children of your own... don't have them anyway then abuse the f**k out of them because you're mad they were born.
Auntriarch 4 years ago
The reason I don't have children is because I have the best parents a child could hope for, and what I learned from that is, what every child deserves is to be wanted. No more, no less.
Hollysmom 4 years ago
I agree completely. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want to be responsible for bringing another human into this f'd up world.
Theoretical Empiricist 4 years ago
I decided when I was 12. I didn't find kids interesting, even then.
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#2
In psych class we learned about a study where they separated monkeys from their mothers at birth. The monkeys grew to be anxious and twitchy. When those monkeys had their own kids, the mothers didn't know how to care for them. I was raised horribly so I don't know how to raise someone well. My parents had children even though their parents abused them. My grandparents' parents probably also abused them. I'm just cutting off the cycle.
tiari 4 years ago (edited)
I am so damn happy my mom broke the cycle of abuse. No idea how she did it, but she did amazing. I would understand it perfectly if she decided against having kids (except of course I would not exist). I am not sure I would have had the courage if I were in her place. And I honestly think my aunt/her sister never should have had kids. My cousins think so too btw.
D. Pitbull 4 years ago
Thank you for breaking the cycle. This is one of the (many) reasons I don't want children of my own. I have absolutely zero good role models and zero good connotations with "being a parent". My mom *specifically* said (yep, I heard her directly while she was yellin' at my dad) "We had it so hard growing up, why shouldn't she suffer too?". She was consciously encouraging mistreatment. It was justified in her mind, somehow.
Black fox 4 years ago
I'm so sorry you had to live with an abusive mom. Sending you a virtual hug from an internet stranger. I wish you an happy life despite beginning in an hard place and having this taking a toll on you mental, physical and emotional well-being.
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Ozacoter 4 years ago
Even if they had a nice mother primates need a lot of learning and experience to be a good one. In the first place I worked they had a female orangutan that didnt know how to be a mum so the staff needed to raise her baby by hand. Then they adooted a second female with experience so she would have a baby and teach the second one who to act as a mum. Apes in particular learn a lot from their group.
Purple Panda 4 years ago (edited)
I 100% respect this person's decision but please don't reduce yourself to the ability of a lab monkey. As someone who was also raised like crap, I plan to break the cycle by raising my kids with love. You are not destined to repeat your parents mistakes if you are actively working against repeating them. I just want to put this out there so that someone else with a crappy upbringing that wants a family doesn't feel doomed lol. This is like saying if you had a good upbringing then you are going to raise your kids well, it's not necessarily true.
MyCatsTheRealPanda 4 years ago
Yes! It can be done and I feel bad for people who want children but are scared to have them because of abusive childhoods.
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Cher Mc 4 years ago
Yeah, the researcher torturing those monkeys, cause if his own grief and anger. Literally the cycle of abuse.
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denzoren 4 years ago
I'm always afraid of what if I mess up with my kids. What if I make the same mistakes.
Carrie de Luka 4 years ago (edited)
Read Philip Larkins poem - This Be The Verse. It's pretty accurate! Mistakes will get made. What matters is how you handle them. My father didn't think you should apologise to children - he was truly wrong about that! If you make a mistake apologise, explain, move on and try to do better. Your children will learn great lessons from that. The fact that you worry, that it matters to you, speaks volumes! 👍
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Rannveig Ess 4 years ago
Same here, exactly. My mom used to bug me about having kids until I told her the above, which was the truth. She took it hard but she knew it was the truth. I was assured by people that it's "different when you have them" and somehow, this Love and Brilliant ability to be Supermom kicks in. Like you just have a kid or two, and see how it goes, at their expense. I'd tell people there are plenty of kids who are abused, ignored, abandoned and worse. So no, it doesn't magically work that way. People quiet down if you explain it like this, and say, "I never thought of it that way, I guess you have a point". Then I wonder why people who have kids and IMHO aren't the best parents didn't think of this simple stuff before they had them.
T Hausomapi 4 years ago
I didn't have abusive parents, I had selfish think of only themselves parents. You don't have to take a bath or brush your teeth. Who cares if your room is clean. I had to teach myself all the use thongs. This is why I didn't have children. Raising myself was enough.
Since childfree life has become a much-discussed topic these days, Bored Panda reached out to three amazing childfree women, Colombia-based Isabel, Kristen from the US, and LeNora from Canada, who run the project Childfree Girls, a podcast and web series for the childfree community.
When asked if more people are opting for a childfree life, the Childfree Girls said that even though global fertility rates have been falling in the past few years, it would be hard to state that more and more people are opting for a childfree life.
“We believe that what has been happening is that more people are openly talking about their choice to not become parents, so it might give the impression that more people are choosing to not have kids. The childfree choice is not a new choice, but it is certainly a lot easier to express it nowadays than it was a few decades ago, let alone a few centuries ago,” they explained.
#3
My life is complete without children. Plus, I'd rather just stick to cats.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
With me it's my pet rats. I guess you gotta have something to love and fuss over and worry about, even if it's not kids!
Zoe's Mom 4 years ago
For me, it's my dog and her pack. I have a 'dog-park' family that I got to know when I adopted Zoe and took her to the park. It's been 4 years and we are still going strong. My mother wasn't the worst but not the best either and I was afraid of being like her. My younger sister turned out like her. Plus, I didn't want to put my life on hold for 18-25 years. Plus, Plus, I don't think I could have traveled to the places I've gone if I have had kids.
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Id row 4 years ago
I could write a large volume about how cats are better than kids, lol. I'll definitely stick with cats.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Medical bills are lower, no need to set up a college fund, no elaborate birthday parties, no PTA meetings, no tantrums in the middle of a grocery store...
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zovjraar me 4 years ago
i adore my cats and i do call them my babies. i know having pets and having kids are two different things. i'm a great cat mom, but i don't think i'd be a good person mom. i like that i only have to interact with my cats for maybe a total of 2 hours spread throughout the day.
#4
For me its the myriad of mental disorders i have, i dont want to pass that on to another human being, much less my own child
Ember 4 years ago
Living with Bipolar Disorder has been a constant struggle and I knew that I could never put anyone through the same. I knew that I’d rather not have biological children at all than have to watch them go through the same daily nightmares.
Lola 4 years ago
You are very thoughtful. Shame more people aren’t like you. It takes a lot of good heart and courage to make that decision.
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Kate Anderson 4 years ago
It's not necessarily a worry of passing it down. I have major depression anxiety & narcolepsy. I know how much energy a baby/toddler has and I worry that I'll burn out and not be able to be the best me for them. My depression is completely under control. I'm the happiest most depressed person you'll ever meet. But it's the "bad" days that worry me. Its not that I'm not emotionally unavailable.. I'm too emotional to function the way I perceive the way I want to be.
Kate Anderson 4 years ago
Plus. With adoption you kinda have a better control on the age range of the child. Could just adopt teens 😃 skip the draining toddler years 🤣
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MagicalUnicorn 4 years ago
i can relate to it, i'm afraid kid would inherit all my health issues
RandomBeing 4 years ago
I mean u could adopt. Thats my plan anyway (seems irresponsible to have biological kids when there are already plenty in existence).
Load More Replies... Kai Scadden 4 years ago
Both my parents passed Depression,ADHD,And anger issues onto me and my dad has PTSD thankfully I found this out through my mom instead of through my dad having like a flashback or something
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Same here. I have many health problems and many are likely to be inheritable. The only responsible thing is to nit have biological kids. I am disabled because of my illneses and in constant pain. It would be child abuse to force my kids to live like this. You can still adopt if you want them. Or use egg/sperm donnors.
Ben Moss 4 years ago
I feel this. I have crippling depression and anxiety and not only would that make me an awful parent, the idea that I could pass this to another human being terrifies me. My mother has it, her father had it (both good parents despite the mental illness) but I have it REALLY bad and I’m choosing to have this curse die with me.
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
Yep. My dad was bipolar, miserable, and took his own life when I was a baby. I’m bipolar, too, and spent a few decades struggling to find some modicum of equilibrium. Not only would I not have had the energy or time or presence of mind to properly raise and care for a child, but then I might also have saddled them with this awful burden. Just because of the way that my brain is made and regularly malfunctions, the great majority of my fifty years have been downright awful. Let’s cut that s**t out of the gene pool! And cut, I did. Snip! Snip!
There are many reasons behind choosing a childfree life, and they’re all specific to each person, the authors of Childfree Girls told us. They continued: “These include lack of a support system, lack of a permanent romantic partner, environmental concerns, medical issues, lack of financial stability, exposure to danger or risk (in war zones, for example), personal beliefs, among many others.” Moreover, “Some people just don’t want to be parents, period.” Essentially, “All reasons are valid reasons,” they explained.
#5
I have two boys, and I love them, but boy do I wish I hadn't had them. Whether it be political, climatic, or economical, their future doesn't look too bright, and my whole life is now dedicated to making sure I can be around and financially available to help them in a cutthroat world.
Michelle Cunningham 4 years ago
Thank you for your honesty, I think a lot of parents feel the same way but are afraid to say it. It doesn't mean you don't love your children, it just means you are human. Kids are such a huge, overwhelming responsibility.
Purple Panda 4 years ago (edited)
"I wish I hadn't had them", of all the things to wish for, maybe just wish you had the financial ability to support them instead. Or even, I wish they will soon learn the abilities they needed to stand up in this word. I think when you become a parent, in one way or another (emotionally at least) you are always going to have to be there for them (to some degree), it's what parents sign up for.
Monday 4 years ago
This one resonates with me particularly well. I'm nearly 30 and still partially financially dependent on my parents [mainly just for a place to live, I cannot afford rent] despite having a decent job because of how screwed our economy is. How the hell am I meant to provide for a child if I can't even provide for myself. Seems better to just focus my energy on ensuring my much younger siblings don't end up like this.
Kate Anderson 4 years ago
Exactly. The older generation is roasting on the younger generations, except the older generation ruined it for the rest of us. I'm super salty about this. When they bought their first home, how many financial crisis's had they already gone through? I'm on my third. Also how much was the house they bought? 30k? Same house now? 200k. I was making 40-50k/yr and couldn't afford to save for a house while living out on my own. Had to move back to be able to save money. And then ppl make fun of me for not being able to go out on my own. If just LIVING somewhere gives me this much anxiety. Why would I bring another into such world? I'd rather adopt. Have no desire for my own kids. But want to adopt so so badly. I LOVE being an aunt though 😃😃 but I have the opportunity to give them back and go back to my own life.
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Treessimontrees 4 years ago
I'm not sure what type of parent would say that!
Load More Replies... RandomBeing 4 years ago
I'm planning on adopting/foster. There just really isn't any reason for me to have biological kids. I can love them the same biological or not.
Sagtiya Sieelan 4 years ago
I totally agree. I hv 3 girls & feel terrible for the terrible future for them on this earth. Just look at the situation of the earth now. Whats gonna happen when I'm not around to care for them anymore.
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
It's not like it's been a secret. You'd have to have living in total isolation to not know the world is going to shits. And you still chose to have children?
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Amber Womack 4 years ago
I feel this so deep in my heart. My own children (8 &15 for God sake!) Are scared for their own future because the state of the world, because I don't lie to them about what is happening in it... I feel this so deep in my heart.
Amber Womack 4 years ago
Honestly Sorry not sorry. You are brave for saying it.
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Vicky Zar 4 years ago
I am afraid for my children too. With how the world is currently treated and reacting to said treatment, I just hope there will still be a decent world to life on when they are at my age. I have a very vivid imagination and I keep thinking about scenarios worthy of hollywood.
#6
Freedom. My husband and I would probably be pretty good parents and we’re in a good spot financially, but we feel complete with each other. We have fun together and want to spend the rest of our lives without the responsibility and stress of kids.
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
That's a stupid comment. She doesn't want kids. She doesn't want ANY kids. That's all she needs to say.
Load More Replies...There are many misconceptions about people who choose not to have kids in this society. So when asked how childfree people deal with societal pressure, Childfree Girls said that people cope in different ways for any number of reasons, and childfree folk are not the exception. “Unfortunately, we live in a pronatalist world, so many of us do feel pressured to have kids a lot of the time.”
“There isn’t one specific way to deal with societal pressure, and some people have a better grasp on this than others. In general terms, we believe that when childfree people are totally accepting of their own choice and have a healthy amount of self-love and self-confidence, it comes naturally to not be too adversely affected by the criticism (blatant or subtle) that might come from family, friends, co-workers, news articles, TV shows, movies, magazines, etc.”
#7
I just have no desire. I don’t hate kids, I love my Nieces and Nephews and have a great time being an influential part of their life. However, that means that I also see how difficult and stressful it is to raise kids. I understand that people really love it and it’s worth it to them, but that’s just not me.
Otter 4 years ago
Practical reasons aside, I've never for one moment of my life wanted to have any. That's an unassailable reason in itself.
F-Dup 4 years ago
Exactly. There really doesn’t need to be any discussion beyond that point.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
That's my reason too. Kids are fine and often adorable; I just have no interest in raising one and never have.
D. Pitbull 4 years ago
Exactly this - this is the biggest reason. I have zero drive to have children. I don't see happy families and get this twinge of "Oh, I wish I had that" - I have no idea what that feels like (to have a happy supportive family) and I'm old enough to realize that what I'm seeing isn't the whole picture anyhow. I have no primal urge to procreate.
H Edwards 4 years ago
People assume that I don't like kids because I don't have or want any of my own, but that's very far from the truth. I love kids, I get on great with them and I always enjoy spending time with my friends' kids and my nephews. Then sometimes when people do see me getting on great with them, they assume that I must be sad and regret not having my own, which is also very far from the truth!
Lav Oravaf 4 years ago
I completely agree. Never, not one single second since I was a child, I ever wanted or dreamed to have kids. No reason, I just never felt like it, never had the ticking womb thing, never had the calling. Love my nieces and nephews, always happy to see them, but very happy to go home and leave them with their parents.
Birgit M 4 years ago
My thoughts exactly! The feeling of wanting to be a mother just didn‘t show up. Simple as that. I‘m happy with being the crazy aunt to my two nephews.
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Jo Falkinder 4 years ago
💯 this... Not wanting kids doesn't mean you don't like them, want to spend time with them or be part of their lives. You're just happy to hand them back afterwards 👍
K E REILLY 4 years ago
Honestly this question annoys me. I always ask why they wanted to have kids... they always have the same basic answer (its wonderful blah blah blah ) which to me says nothing.. they never actually say a legit reason that isn't written on a bumper sticker
Lav Oravaf 4 years ago
I hear ya, but many do have kids due to social pressure, particularly from their family or spouses. Or simply life, particularly those who are now in their 50s and older, that was the way, you grow up, find a job and form a family. then you have also places in Europe (not sure out of EU) where you get quite good money and other advantages just for producing children. Parents mostly use the answer "it's wonderful" because "I F hate it" is frowned upon ;) hehe
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#8
Have you seen the world out there? I mean several generations have already looked at serious looming problems and said, "but the children are our future! They'll fix it!"
Within my lifetime I've seen climate change go from "global warming" and very mild changes to once-in-a-century environmental events happening every year.
The boomers kept saying that one day the younger generations will be in charge and they'd deal with it then, but even now the boomers are a massive proportion of the voting population with it only being 3 years since Millenials have outnumbered them.
It's time to stop making more people until we can fix the problems we're causing.
Chich 4 years ago
Gotta get out and vote! Seems like older folks do and younger folks don't. You got the numbers, us them.
Monday 4 years ago
Depends on where the Gen X vote lies though. If Gen X sides with Millennials and the older Zoomers we're golden, but if Gen X sides with Boomers they hold majority in most countries.
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Frankenfrog 4 years ago
Having children today is purely egotistical. You'd have to be a special kind of sociopath to have them when you know what the future looks like.
Denny Cwiek 4 years ago
My father, 60 something years ago, was fond of saying, "The world is going to hell in a handbasket!" Wonder what he'd say now.
Stannous Flouride 4 years ago
One of the reasons I enjoy BP so much is characterized by the comments below. Even though they disagree the people are not making it personal. The arguments are well-reasoned and presented in a civilized tone.
According to Childfree Girls, some people might decide not to engage at all and let it slide. “Others see these moments as opportunities to have a conversation with others about how parenthood is a choice” they said and added that “The important thing to remember is that we do not owe an explanation, nor do we need to justify our choice to anyone.”
It's also important to note that childfree people get called “selfish” a lot, and this is a huge misconception. “We believe that understanding that we are not selfish, but self-aware, is the first step to deal with societal pressure,” the authors of Childfree Girls said. “There is nothing inherently selfish about choosing not to reproduce. There is, however, something incredibly selfish about demanding others reproduce in order to satisfy one's own ideas or beliefs about who should be creating more people.”
#9
I find them very annoying
Daphne Williams 4 years ago
I find adults very annoying. A kid has never sucker-punched me and then stole by bag, sexually harassed me on the way to the library, or tried to pass laws to remove my fundamental rights.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
And they still manage to be more annoying than adults! Even with all of that working against adults! That’s how you know kids are awful.
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blueeyes629 4 years ago
Everyone is annoying. Kids, teens, adults, old people. Everyone. And while I respect people opinions on having kids or not having kids I don't get all this hate. It's really ridiculous.
Jess Thompson 4 years ago
THANK YOU!!! And sorry, but f*****g boring too, no?? Like, the repetition, “again again”, the noise…kill me pls. When I babysit for ONE NIGHT for my best friend’s daughter I leave the next day thanking God I get to leave.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Fùcking BOOOORRRRIIINNNG! Imagine just sitting around watching preschool cartoons and having to teach basic shít. A total snooze fest.
Load More Replies... #10
Oh SO many reasons. Where to begin.
I am a woman, which means 100% of the physical aspects of pregnancy (extreme nausea, discomfort, pain, hormone imbalances, etc) and then labor which is widely recognized as one of the single most painful things the body can go through. Then once the baby is born you feed it with your boobs, and in many cases are the main caretaker, emotional support, time manager, cook, maid, and breadwinner for that human. I simply do not want to do ANY of that. For me personally, pregnancy and birth is the equivalent of body horror like the Saw movies, or most aptly, Alien!
I grew up in a very culty evangelical church in the midst of Mormon Utah. So EVERYONE around has super conservative traditional values and woman’s sole purpose in life is to squeeze out kids. Not to have hopes and aspirations, careers, or anything like that. If you’re a woman where I’m from, you have to make your dream around having kids. You are only a womb and you must be owned by a man.
I have a sensory processing disorder that makes me get very overwhelmed pretty easily. Kids are noisy and messy and stinky and fragile. And while I like kids, en masse they are REALLY hard for me to be around.
Nothing about being a parent whatsoever appeals to me. I simply don’t want to do any of that. I absolutely love being able to go anywhere and do anything on a whim and I love my alone time.
I have more than my share of physical and mental disorders I would never wish on another human.
There are millions of orphans in the world - what about ME and my genes is so special that I have to create an entire new human from scratch? The world doesn’t need more people. I’m curious actually many people find making their own babies more important giving a home to child in need? (Not trying to be a dick or accusatory - genuinely curious. I know couples who’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments when that money could’ve just as easily gone to adopting a child.)
FOR THE RECORD: this is solely my opinion. I don’t expect anyone to feel the same and I’m happy for people who love kids and want to have their own.
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
I wanted to adopt but then my health went awry and it wouldn't be fair, let alone likely that I would have been given the go ahead.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Sorry about your health, sweet that you wanted to adopt. You ok now?
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Mariza 4 years ago
Oh my!!! I wholeheartedly and totally agree with everything you've said in this post. There are SO many kids who need living homes just waiting to be adopted. Where's their advocate now fertility treatment is so accessible? On top.. for me.. I just don't like children. But that's me.
Monday 4 years ago
Not liking children seems like a pretty good reason to not have children.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 4 years ago
I totally get this. The idea of birthing and a screaming baby scares the heck out of me. Also, I'd much rather adopt an adolescent or teenager than have a baby.
Kate Anderson 4 years ago
YES EXACTLY! Thought of having a baby overwhelm you? Start at a different age with adoption! I am so negative when thinking of having my own kids. But I can't wait to adopt. And I kinda want to adopt all the older teens who think that they weren't good enough. Bc I want them to have a family no matter what age they finally got that family. I have so much unconditional love to give. So much life experience. I'd rather focus on the already living then create another. My IUD was the best gift I ever got myself 🤣😜🤣
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Ursula 4 years ago
I could have written this, except I didn't grow up in a very religious setting, but it was expected of me to have them and my family was always surprised when I told them on several occasions that I'm not having any. I was never interested, I wasn't playing with dolls, it just seemed so extremely boring to me. I was curious, I wanted to see the world and travel, experience all the places and see the animals that I saw in documentaries and encyclopedias. I started saying this even during my childhood and they always told me I'd change my mind. I didn't :) I have a career, a husband and we travel a lot, do tons of sports and do all the interesting things we want to, whenever we want to and we enjoy it. We'll get a dog once we'll be too old for extreme sports.
Little Phoenix 4 years ago
This! I don't see why people need to spread their seed & genes when there are so many orphaned children in need of a home and family.
Purple Panda Rae'n 4 years ago
Whoop! There it is! I concur COMPLETELY! *W/ about everything you...have typed (here)!
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
International adoption is extremely difficult and expensive, and many countries have policies dramatically limiting or banning it. Rescuing the millions of orphans worldwide is nowhere near as simple as presented here.
Elise Deegan 4 years ago
Everyone always says JUST ADOPT and it is so not that simple! And COVID made it a millions times worse.
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Darth Kittius 4 years ago
I'm raised Mormon, and I'll admit that the culture of the church pushes for having a family and raising children. I want to have children but not for a long while, and there are a lot of young families in the church. I'm lucky enough that my family has never pushed having children right after getting married, and my mom has even suggested waiting a while to get married so I can have my own life experiences first.
At this point, the Childfree Girls believe that there will be more people who choose not to have children. “We’re already seeing this choice being more prevalent in people from Gen Z, who are, in general, a lot more vocal about the things that they want, what they don’t want, and what they believe in.”
“Younger generations display a growing concern for environmental, social, economic, and political issues, some of which could be alleviated or resolved by a decrease in human population. For example, in the past few years, several reports from international organizations about the reduction of the carbon footprint have been published.”
“One of these studies’ main conclusion was that the greatest impact in fighting climate change is to have one fewer child, which in some countries translates to having none (Environmental Research Letters, 2017).”
#11
I dont even know if I will have a future myself. It feels selfish to bring a child into this world at this current state.
denzoren 4 years ago
I always feel like this. When I look at the current state of things...is it really worth it? Would they have a good life?
CbusResident 4 years ago
See the Steven Pinker and Hans Rosling Ted Talks, and you will see that we live in the least concerning time in world history. Yes, there are problems but there always were, and the problems are less terrible now by far.
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
You haven't read the new climate reports, obviously. Being wilfully naive isn't going to help you.
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Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
The world has never been perfect for raising children/. The choice is really more personal than that and that is fine.
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
My dear, you believe this only because you believe that your actions vis a vis procreation do not affect other people. You could not be more incorrect. And *this* is what makes you a poor global citizen. Now you know what the smart people say about you behind your back. And you heard it from a stranger.
Load More Replies... Brian Stanton 3 years ago
Watch Idiocracy, thoughtful people stop having kids while thoughtless continue on
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago (edited)
For most of human history half of children born didn’t survive until adulthood. Children born in the world “at this current state” will have better lives than 99.99% of humans who have lived.
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
They won't live better lives. There just exists better medicine if they fall ill. Those are two different things.
Load More Replies... #12
I don’t see the point. There are enough kids on the planet, and I don’t think I’m so precious that I need to replicate my genes. Honestly, I’ve never met anyone who is.
renee brack 4 years ago
Touché. Succinct and accurate. People replicate their own DNA as if it's important or necessary. It's not.
David carro 4 years ago (edited)
I think the only living creature on earth that should not follow the cicly of life, is the human. At this point, having kids is like having to go to paris. Some people do no like travelling, some other cannot afford it and some other simply do not want to start the adventure.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
Nobody needs to have children. I have however met plenty of people who are good parents, and who I’m happy to see have children.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
It is a very natural need for some and if we have the skills, it is as satisfying as any other project in life.
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
My god, take your damn meds. You are INSUFFERABLE
Load More Replies...However, more than believing that childfree life is the future, Childfree Girls hope that in the future, people take more time to really reflect on the choice to become a parent. It’s important to realize that “bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility and it takes a big commitment to raise happy and loved human beings. To introduce and rear a new human being because of pressure, and not out of a genuine, conscious desire, is tragic for everyone involved,” they said.
#13
I was parentified as child to my 4 younger siblings. When I see a child now, I act nice but cannot wait to get away from it.
A child crying/screaming immediatly puts me in a angry/foul mood for the rest of the day.
I had my share of caring for kids, and have next to nothing positive come out of it...
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
When shopping my partner and I regularly see toddlers having meltdowns and high-five each other for opting out of that. Occasionally my partner mutters 'Another advert for durex...'
Load More Replies... Anthony Mann 4 years ago
The same thing happened to someone I know. They depended on their oldest child a lot to care for the younger one, and the older child felt "they'd had their children", and never had one of their own - a conscious decision. They really regretted how they depended on the older child as a caregiver. My wife and I are very conscious of not making the same mistake with our oldest children.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
That face alone is just 🤢 Nobody wants to look at something like that every day, ew.
#14
So I'm super late to the party (as usual) but maybe one person will see this. I grew up with an abusive father. Sadly, I see myself acting like him way too much. I really hate it. I know that when I raise my voice at my mum she thinks I'm just like my father. If I ever get kids I'd mess them up. I'll be just as bad of a parent as he was and I don't want to be someone who brings this kid into the world just to end up f**king them up.
Assaj Ventress 4 years ago
You are very brave and very insightful and I commend you for such a wise decision- you can’t change how your father treated you but you’re taking responsibility anyway and I have so much respect
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago (edited)
Exactly my thoughts! I remember that how i felt helpless then - and now, when I´m an adult, I feel compulsion to control inferior beeings - like cats, and when they don´t do what I want, I feel rage and I want to hurt them. I know that this is result of my childhood. I wouldn't want a child to experience this and I'm smart enough to realize that.
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
The term "herding cats" literally means trying to control that which will will not be controlled".
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De Gueb 4 years ago
In my case it was my mother. Sometimes I have lunch with friends and their families. I'm in my 50s so most friends have kids from 12 to 25. We sit at the table an eat, it so nice, so strange to me nobody's arguing, no one is shouting or putting anybody down. My mum always made sure to put my father down when we had friends’ round, make him look stupid. If she didn’t have dad to pick on it would be me or my sisters. I ran away a 16, after that I studied away and never really went back. In the school months was away and in the summer hols I would get a job and rent a room. My Mum died last year, I feel like I let myself down because I assisted her when she was no longer able to look after herself, I always said I would neve help her. The first thing my sister sad when I told her mother had died was, “why did she never love us”
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
Its not that she didn't love you. She didn't love herself and couldn't come to terms with that.
Load More Replies... StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Loving your children enough not to have them in the first place is a thing.
Deborah B 4 years ago
Good on you for having the self awareness to recognise your problems. I would suggest that you try therapy - not to make you 'fit' to be a parent, or to make you want to be a parent, but for your own benefit, and to help mitigate the damage you may be doing to yourself and those around you. You deserve to heal.
Jess Thompson 4 years ago
You are already one step ahead because you’re aware of your behaviour.
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
"When I raise my voice at my mum"...that's a clear indicator of an abusive habit. If you want to cut it out for yourself, maybe start there. It takes conscious effort to deprogram ourselves from some of our undesirable childhood experiences. But you can do it if you try.
#15
I’d love to if I could be a father. Motherhood asks you to sacrifice everything from your body to identity to even your life for your child (my mom almost died in childbirth). I love my body, my financial freedom, my career, my relationship, and the cleanliness and silence of my home. I refuse to give any of that up for a child I know I would resent for upheaving my life.
I firmly believe that unless you have daydreams about having children and know you ABSOLUTELY want to have them, do NOT have them. They are not something you can feel ambivalent about. They are the ultimate lifestyle change and anyone saying otherwise is lying.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
You are committing at least 18 years of your life to a project without having a testrun, no way of turning back if you do not like what you've made, and betting on "clicking" with randomly generated individual, whom you have to share a home with. It will drain a large amount of resources and cost a lot of your time. To me that is simply too much gambling based on too little information that I want to commit to such a big responsibility. Thank whoever invented protection, so we are no longer forced into parenthood like people were for millenia.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
Oh yeah, it's amazing how much my sister's life has clearly changed since she had her son. All those things she suddenly can't do any more, and then there's all the new responsibilities. I can tell she doesn't regret it, but it definitely is a big deal.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Hard truths right there. Women's lives change dramatically after the birth of a child. Men's lives really do not, and society is perfectly okay with this. Make sure any man you end up breeding with is the kind to carry his own weight, appreciates and respects what you do in the home, and takes responsibility for half of the household labor, otherwise you'll end up raising him, too.
Jess Thompson 4 years ago (edited)
OMG, I kind of feel like this too! Even if society allowed motherhood to be more appealing, like I remember thinking dads were the fun parent 🙄 f*****g stupid, it’s because dads are grossly over congratulated for basic human decency towards their offspring whereas for moms it’s like, “it’s her job”. F**k off, world. I wanted to be a biological boy not because of gender dysmorphia, but because I was aware even at a young age that it was more fun, easy and limitless. Man leaves his family he’s an asshole at worst. If a woman does she’s an evil c**t that can’t possibly love her children because “what kind of mother would leave her own children?” Single mom? Unfortunate. Single dad? Hero, a good catch. Ew society, just ew. Do better pls.
Night Owl 4 years ago (edited)
True. It's simply not fair. A woman should only get pregnant and bring a child to the world if she wants to and if she's ready and willing to sacrifice so much for it. And even besides the physical aspects, thanks to the society it's a huge change for the woman and almost no change for the man :(
Manny_Flawz 4 years ago
No matter how much you want to have kids, you MUST evaluate yourself honestly first. Maybe you have friends/relatives with kids, which might help. I have watched friend's/relatives kids, and while I got along great with them for the few hours we were together, I learned enough to know that I could not do this full time.Be TOTALLY honest with yourself. Don't do something you will regret for the rest of your life.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
Just so you know, you don't have to sacrifice all for a child. There is help avaiaalble and a good support system allows you to continue to work toward your personal goals. But that doesn't mean everyone should have kids. If someone puts a baby in my arms, I become mellow and content. I feel joy so having kids was for me. If that causes stress and insecurity, then you know that you would be better off without kids. Our levels of maternal instinct vary greatly.
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
Help is available? Where? How would that help just show up when I needed it? Vague unsupported statements like this (and you can't possibly support this) do not further the discussion.
Load More Replies... #16
Lack of desire to become a parent or have kids.
You know how some people want kids so bad, they suffer mentally and emotionally from not having them or knowing they can't have them? How people say they feel hormonal, wanting kids real bad, they can't control it? Their ovaries are exploding? Baby fever? Or any other colloquialism about wanting to have a baby real soon?
Never had that. People kept telling me that as I'd grow older, would reach my 30s, find my soulmate, my friends start having children, etc., I would start to have that feeling. I went through all these milestones and I still EDIT don't have that desire for kids.
And I don't think it's necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it.
De Gueb 4 years ago
This was the problem with my ex, she wanted Kids so badly it drove her crazy when she couldn't get pregnant. We tried very hard the traditional way, then with insemination and I.V. Ruined me financially and the broke the relationship. She couldn't accept that it, specially because in her family the woman, her sisters, aunts, cousins are like factories, they pop 'em out like hot bread!! She became emotionally abusive towards me, sometimes violent....I know she tried on her own after we broke up but she never got pregnant. Now I'm single in my early 50's I'm so grateful we never had a child, I meet so many single mothers with "forked up" relationships and children, growing up with bad blood everywhere, so sad.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
There is allready way more people on this planet than there is capacity for. Why not leave the task of further overpopulating of the world to those who actually enjoys it, instead of forcing someone to add to the problem against their will? What we need is fewer humans, not more, so if you do not want to don't have children don't do it it will benefit the planet as well.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Actually we have enough planetary resources they are just inequitably distributed.
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Aroha 4 years ago (edited)
I am 38 and still have never felt this. Not even for a second. When a colleague brings their baby to work, all the other women ooh and aah over them. Many have asked me don't I want one and every time the answer is NO without any hesitation.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
"And I don't think it's necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it." I'll go further. I think it's criminal to have kids if one does not have the desire for it.
Honu 4 years ago
I could've written this one. When I was a kid and on into my 20s, I just assumed I'd have kids someday. At that point, I didn't have that innate drive to have them, but most people do. I had no reason to assume I'd be different. I figured that desire would surface eventually. The biological clock would go off. As I went through my 20s and hit 30, I came to the realization that I just don't have that and there was no sign of that changing. I felt perfectly fine about the idea of never having kids. There was a little bit of fear at that point, because I soon fell in love and then married a man who also did not want kids. Really, really didn't want kids. I was worried that maybe I'd just been a late bloomer in that regard and would wake up one day with surprise baby rabies. Fortunately, that never happened.
Lisa Miller 3 years ago
Hahahah, “baby rabies”! Love it, and I’m stealing it! My friend and I used to tell people we couldn’t have kids because we had a condition called “MIDS” (which stands for Maternal Instinct Deficiency Syndrome, but it doesn’t apply to fur babies)
Load More Replies... Frankenfrog 4 years ago
Breeders will tell you that you're wrong because they want you to suffer like they do
David carro 4 years ago
My guess is instinct. As animals, we need to reproduce. It is on our genes, somehow. But we also have logical thinking, the hability to abstract thought. Some do have stronger the instinct. Some other can choose a different path overcoming the instinct with the idea they took a better decision.
Bored Panda also spoke with Zoë Noble, the creator of We Are Childfree, which is a storytelling platform celebrating childfree women and gender-diverse people. It helps to explore the experiences of childfree people and dispel the myths the world holds about them.
“Personally, I never felt the need to have children, but if I was born earlier, or elsewhere, I might not have had a choice in the matter,” Zoë said and added that: “Whatever people decide to do, it's important that they make a conscious choice that's right for them and the planet.”
#17
Kids? In this economy?
No, I’ll just settle for my cat.
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
Both are expensive!! Though children considerably more so.
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Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
Not sure the economy is any worse than any other economy. Don't need to rationalize if you feel no need for children.
Question everything 4 years ago
Where the wages doubled, the house prices quadrupled. Everything costs more. Rich people can afford multiple children, the average folk can afford one or none. The economy is much worse than it was even 20 years ago.
Load More Replies... CbusResident 4 years ago (edited)
So no one should've had kids during The Great Depression then? All of those grandparents or great grandparents of many of us born between November 1929 and WW II, it would've been better had they simply never existed? B/c back then unemployment reached 25% of the US population. The unemployment during the worst parts of The Great Recession from '07-'14 was never close to 25%, so The Great Depression was much darker than The Great Recession. But yet again, we see how goofy it sounds to say that no one should've been born then. Not having kids b/c of what you read in the news is utter, total nonsense.
Cat Witdabigdog 4 years ago
The words you are seeking are "financial insecurity" and yeah, its a great reason to not procreate.
Load More Replies... #18
Children make me uncomfortable. With very few exceptions I find them creepy and weird and not at all attractive or emotionally appealing. Babies are generally hideous to me. They do not make me want to care for them, they make me want to get away from them as quickly as possible. I’d rather have someone hand me a tarantula.
I believe having children is a privilege not a right. Parents should have to prove they deserve that privilege instead of deciding hey now I should have a baby. You have to have a driving license and insurance to have a car. You should have to have a baby license and insurance to have a baby. It should be difficult.
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago (edited)
I've always felt children should be seen as a gift. Right feels the wrong word, especially when there are people who simply cannot. It's like saying we all have a right to sight when there are blind people. Human rights state it like this: "Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution. Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses. The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State". Family is the right. Access to health care and support to endeavour for a child, yes.
Leodavinci 4 years ago
I really wish people would stop referring to a family as a unit. It is not... nor is a family the "fundamental unit" of society. An individual person is a fundamental unit of a society.
Load More Replies... Jon Steensen 4 years ago
If you want to adobt a child you have to jump through all kinds of hoops in order to prove that you can raise a child in a healthy way. It is were lengthy process. However if you want a child the natural way, just go ahead. It is a bit odd that a seventeen year old girl who gets drunk and ends up with an unplanned pregnency can have a child so easily, when there are plenty of children all over the planet who could use a proper home and plenty of more qualified people who would like to provide one.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
What's really funny is when people view giving birth as an achievement. If you choose to stay pregnant you can't really do anything else. Whereas becoming a doctor, for example, is not celebrated as much, yet takes a huge amount of work and commitment. People should congratulate parents when the kid becomes a positive member of society.
Load More Replies... Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
I’d love to focus on that first half. My god do I agree. They’re absolutely creepy and so gross and off putting. Like how most people are creeped out by poop, that’s how I feel about kids. Their faces are nasty and their hands are absolutely creepy like worms or bugs. Vom.
Not-so-MadMax 4 years ago
I more than once discussed this very thing with my childless friends. Baby-licenses, we need them.
Momma Jess 4 years ago
I've said for years humans should have to go through an application process in order to breed. (Side note, my application would never be passed, not would I ever apply)
Load More Replies... CbusResident 4 years ago
This would make so much sense: 'Hey, man and woman in a relationship, you want to have a kid? Well before you can go to the bedroom and do the deed, legally speaking, you're required to visit the government office that administers procreation licensing where they decide whether you can.' Gee, I wonder why society has no such arrangements?
SloeLoris 4 years ago
I agreed with this right up until the frankly insane idea that "having children is a privilege not a right". What possible logical, ethical or legal basis could that have? Who dispenses that privilege?
Momma Jess 4 years ago
In all fairness not every male in the wild animal kingdom earns the right to mate. Not trying to start an argument my friend, just wanted to point that out.
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When asked if she thinks that more and more people are choosing not to have children, Zoë said that it may be true, “but the main cause of falling birth rates are parents choosing to have fewer children.” Moreover, “Both choices are being influenced by financial insecurity, climate anxiety, greater access to contraception and, for women, to other opportunities in their life,” she added.
#19
I want to do what I want, when I want.
Janus Preez 4 years ago
Until you're old and need someone to help you to do the things you want, when you want
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
Not breeding will save you a lot of money to spend on premium care.
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#20
Whew, so many reasons.
I like my life how it is right now. Sleeping in, taking spontaneous trips, spending my money on myself. Having a kid means your entire life changes, and I don't want my life to change.
I don't want the responsibility. See #1.
I think that global warming and other factors mean the world won't be nice for too much longer; I don't want to force someone to live through that.
I don't like children for extended periods of time - I like kids and find them sweet and funny, but they are exhausting over long periods.
This is petty, but as a woman, I don't want the body changes that come with having a baby.
Kumar Shantanu Khare 4 years ago
Not like the world is a really nice place right now and it's only gonna get worse from now on
KT 4 years ago
The last one is a total myth. Just because you have a kid doesn't mean your body changes. Had kids and I didn't even look like id been pregnant 6 days post partum
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
You were lucky. Everyone I know who has had babies has been physically changed by the experience, from cesarean scars to vaginal tearing, to simply not being able to lose the weight. I do not like those odds.
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And when it comes to dealing with societal pressure that so many childfree people unfortunately still experience, Zoë said finding like-minded people who support your decision is the way to cope with it.
“If you move to a big, progressive city like I did, you can find others who are living, or at least accepting of, alternative lifestyles—there are plenty of childfree people in Berlin! For other people who don't have supportive folk around them, there are more and more online communities—like mine!”
Moreover, “When you can openly and honestly discuss your feelings and decisions, in a judgement-free context, it's much easier to stand firm in your choices and love authentically,” she said.
#21
As someone who wants to become an elementary school teacher, people are often shocked to find out I don't want children. But the reason is simple: they cost a LOT of money, they take op a lot of free time and space and I have terrible genes.
Sara Diogo 4 years ago
Teachers are one of the jobs with more childfree people. We know the annoying things about kids from everyday before having them.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
Hahaha, we are some of the few who DO get a test run.
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Mishimoqua 4 years ago
I'm a teacher and the best part of my job is that at the end of the day, all my students go home. Don't get me wrong, I have a blast with them, but it is nice to come to a quiet home with my cats.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
Omg, yes! I love children : every job I have ever done has focused on looking after them, teaching them, taking them on awesome adventures.... Yet when people find out I don't want my own ones, and don't like babies, they are always so shocked. There is a huge difference between babies and kids over 10,and you can like one and not the other! Although if you don't like kids over 10,maybe don't have a baby.
Hlon 4 years ago
I’m also an elementary school teacher, as is my husband. I have seen many educator parents struggle with giving their time, energy, and attention to BOTH students and their kids. “I’m either doing a great job as a teacher, or a great job as a mom.” It sounds exhausting and I doubt I would be able to stay in education if I had my own kids.
Paul Reynolds 3 years ago
I've been an elementary teacher for over 35 years. My students are my "kids." :)
Barb Flowers 3 years ago
I have so many genetic problems. Why would I want to reproduce such imperfection?
#22
It’s expensive and I don’t wanna pass on my genes in particular.
denzoren 4 years ago
Yep, my genes are not ideal...other than probably having good eyesight...that's about it. Lol
Arthur Waite 4 years ago
You can put it in your will to donate your corneas after you finish using them. My mother did, and she was 84 when she donated - still perfectly ok.
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Paul Reynolds 3 years ago
Very true for me. I have no desire to have another "me" in this world...
“I think the future will see more people having fewer kids or none at all. Younger generations don't have the resources to support large families, and are more aware of the impact of that choice. And we're slowly making progress towards gender equality, with lots of (but not all) women now able to choose what they do with their lives.”
#23
I personally don't want to put my body thru the trauma of growing and birthing a child/children, I can barely emotionally handle myself a lot of the time and don't want to risk passing on any of my mental illnesses to someone who didn't ask to be born, and they're overall a huge financial burden and with the pandemic having destroyed my personal finances, I will never be in a financial position to feel comfortable raising a child.
Anna McHugh 4 years ago
A good, honest, realistic self-appraisal from someone who takes care of themselves and sees things straight - good on you!
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
I have read enough horror stories about pregnancy and childbirth that I am reluctant to produce offspring.
#24
I and my wife are both financially decent off, mentally and physically healthy and could probably pull off kids without a problem as such.
We just don’t want to. We value our collective freedom to do what we want, whenever we want to — to travel, to hike up a mountain, to go surfing, et cetera — too much.
And no, we don’t get lonely, we have plenty of friends and we have our dogs that tag along for all activites :)
DINK life is pretty sweet.
So Zoë believes that it's inevitable that the childfree choice is becoming more popular, as people don't feel like they have access to, or are compelled towards, the traditional one-size-fits-all lifestyle of the heteronormative nuclear family. “Hopefully projects like mine can encourage people to embrace this change as a net good for the planet, instead of lashing out from a conservative, reactionary place. More people making conscious choices in their own interests can only be a good thing!”
#25
Complete lack of a support system. You know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child?” Well we have no village anymore. Unless you happen to live nearby family, no one is around to help, you’re on your own. (You know those harried mothers in supermarkets who have screaming wailing children and they just look so exhausted and done with life? I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to feel that way, ever) Money. I can barely support/ensure a future for myself, let alone a whole new human being with needs like diapers, medical visits, food, toys, etc. At 37 I’ve just started to be able to actually enjoy my life so throwing it all away because every cent needs to be spent on a kid is a recipe for mental health disaster. Lack of body autonomy. As soon as that test is positive, your body is no longer your own. You are no longer a person, you are an incubator for “precious new life.” Doctor visits where you’re just out there for the world to see, people poking and prodding your “most secret” areas until they’re less of a secret and more of a billboard….then after you have the baby, the physical toll of giving more of yourself to feed it. I just can’t fathom that severe of a loss of self. No sleep, constant exhaustion. I’m wiped enough working 8-5, doing a workout, cooking dinner and cleaning up after and all the other tasks of being an adult in a home, adding the additional lack of sleep and tasks of constantly keeping a child alive? I see it in peoples drawn faces and eye bags. Why would you want to invite that on yourself. (Also see lack of support system) Kids destroy things. They make messes. I just was able to eke out a life for myself in a house and actually buy some new things and make it feel like I’m finally an adult…..for kids to ruin the couch I saved for or the tv I saved for would just be too much. Those are symbols of my hard work and accomplishments and you just destroyed it you little s—t, lol Also I’m just scared of all the medical stuff. The things that can go wrong, the pain, the changes to your body, the pain, the recovery process (with or without anyone to help you), the pain…..
renee brack 4 years ago
Touché, succinct, accurate, well said. It was like reading my own thoughts, feelings and life events. Especially about the couch. Or as I like to think of it - my living room throne where I can sit or recline while I wave my magic wand at the tv and transport myself to magical places with people I can change for others with another wave of my wand. Bliss.
Llewella 4 years ago
This is something that a lot of people just don't understand. My husband and I are teenage parents, and yes it wasn't planned. I love my kids but I really am kind of jealous of all parents who have help from their family and friends. Our fathers weren't in the picture, our moms worked fulltime (my mom 80 hours a week). Our siblings were younger and still in school. Our friends didn't like that they couldn't hang out at hour home (we were the only ones with a place of our own) constantly anymore. So we had no help, and it was hard!
Lisa Bond 4 years ago
I am childless. I've had some regrets about that decision. But this post reminded me of my mother. She had 6 of us with no support system. Dad died when the youngest was 15. She would often say I can't have anything nice because of you kids. (I tell my dogs that) when she died I had to have Shel Silverstien's book The Giving Tree. She gave her all! Everything! So we would be well & able to care for ourselves. Complete self sacrifice.
A_fangirling_Demigod_witch 3 years ago
the lack of body autonomy part is something i always think about but can never pu intoaa phrase correctly.
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
I'm sorry, but you choosing to breed is not anyone else's responsibility. Stop whining.
#26
My wife and I have tons of health issues, mental and physical, including chronic depression, crohns, epilepsy, etc.
The world is just a nasty place and there's no reason to bring a child into it anymore
Money and freedom to travel.
Kids are loud, gross, expensive and annoying and I like to sleep in and go anywhere and do anything on a dime.
Kay blue 4 years ago
I had my daughter before I was diagnosed with Crohn's, I spent her entire childhood worrying that she would also get it. If I had been diagnosed earlier, I wouldn't have chosen to pass on my seriously messed up genes. I would die for my daughter and couldn't imagine life without her, but that is because I have her.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
Crohn’s varies a lot in severity. My brother has had it since five, and at 17 he is healthy and fine other than doing tube feed and methotrexate to prevent flare ups. It runs in my family but the people in my family are not that severely effected and live good lives, so it hasn’t been something that’s made any of us second guess plans to have children.
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LesAnimaux 4 years ago
I have a neurological disorder that I inherited and will make my life hell in a couple of years. I struggle mentally from being raised in a family who emotionally neglected me, I'm dealing with too much to be able to raise a child, not to mention I might pass on that debilitating disease. No thank you.
Dori 4 years ago
I have epilepsy, fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, and a few other things. I was lucky enough to be diagnosed with some of these young enough to decide having kids was a bad idea. I didn't want my partner and my child to have to take care of me. That's no way for a child to live. I'll probably die younger than I would have without these conditions. Not good genes to pass on either.
Don't Look 4 years ago
My oldest sister had epilepsy, too much iron, a drug problem (which stemmed likely from her actual physical problems) and 3 children with her 2nd husband (a drug addict). Both parents are gone now and not one of their children is quite right.
ISAAC HARVEY 4 years ago (edited)
I have epilepsy too. I know all too well how much a prescription can mess with a person, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I should also mention that I have childhood brain cancer, which is a story that started back in August 2013. It, too, has its own side effects. It indirectly led to my epilepsy diagnosis in May 2020.
#27
I love my niece and nephew too but after an entire day with them i really, really need some peace and quiet. If its your own kids, you dont get that. So i imagine that but 24/7 and i dont understand how people do it.
Daphne Williams 4 years ago
I have three kids and I desperately need some peace and quiet XD. We do it by letting go of some of our sanity, permanently.
lazy panda 4 years ago
I have 6 nephews and 1 niece all under the age of 14 (5 of those kids are from one set of parents). I LOVE being an aunt, but after a few days with a crap ton of kids running around and terrorizing my home, it's really damn nice to give them back.
Paul Reynolds 3 years ago
I have 7 wonderful nieces and nephews. They're not my offspring, and I'm good with that.
Vivian Orr 4 years ago
I’ve been a licensed child care giver for 27 years. People always ask me how can u do this. And I always tell them as much as I enjoy being with the kids and teaching them at the end of the day I give them back. I get to sleep and do what I want in the later part of the day. I have my weekends free and a day or two off with proper notice given to the parents. Some people just aren’t made to have kids. And I applaud those of u posting for being honest and admitting this. I’ve know parents over the years that don’t need to have the kids they drop off to me to care for. It’s sad. And sometimes dangerous. Don’t ever ever let someone guilt u into having a child u don’t want. Please.
#28
It's easier and cheaper being an aunt. Chase a toddler around a splash pad so that I can enjoy it too- nice. Same toddler is cranky- give it back to the parents. I might treat it to ice cream now and then but I don't have to worry about future school expenses. Etc, etc.
#29
That whole thing about your friends start having kids and it will make you want one. Funny thing was people around me having kids was the exact reason my 50/50 went to I don't want them. I can tolerate kids for short spans of time like I'll babysit but at the end of the day I don't have to deal with the stressful part of having kids( sickness, tantrums, money, etc.)
Rall 4 years ago
I always wanted to have a cat. Then last year I babysit my sister's cat for two weeks - that was eye opening, I cant't stand to be bothered by a cat 24/7, how tf everyone expect me to take care for a human? All I hear is "when you find the right person, when you get a little older, you will change your mind" No, I won't, I'm 39 and with right person.
#30
I can barely go through my period without painkillers, I'll never manage to give birth. Also, I don't like kids, they're annoying.
A_fangirling_Demigod_witch 3 years ago
they ARE annoying. 4-6 year olds are okay, but babies...ugh
#31
I wouldn't make a good parent because of my hot temper.
I'm impatient and not good with people.
#32
Because I believe that children deserve parents that will love them, always put them first, spend quality time with them and make sacrifices so that their children can have the best opportunities. But at the same time have the strength to set boundaries and discipline them in a healthy way so that they grow into good human beings.
Also because I don't currently have a partner or much financial stability in my life at this stage and I don't want to be a single parent or bring a child into the world if I'm not in a position to provide for them.
And I don't trust myself to be unselfish enough to be everything that I believe a child deserves. I sometimes catch myself thinking that children might be nice; but until I'm sure of myself, financially stable and in a steady relationship a child is unlikely to be in the picture.
Kirsti-Tina Thompson 4 years ago
Am very similar to OP. All of the above and I don't think it will change in time for my biological clock.
#33
I don’t want to give birth and go through all that.. Adoption is a long process and a lot of money that I don’t have. Kids are expensive
#34
I could write you a book. Some of my reasons have changed over the years but the reasons were always valid. First was tokophobia. I still suffer from tokophobia but I've worked hard over the years to get better (because I didn't want it to affect my relationships with friends and their children). I've come a long way but it's still there. Then it was money. Then it was just the realisation it wouldn't make me happy because I think I'd be resentful about putting a child's needs and desires before my own...and they deserve that. But then I got ill. I now live with disability and chronic pain. Having just watched my best friend struggle with even a healthy pregnancy...i think a pregnancy would leave me with irreversible damage and pain. I would be unable to care for a baby afterwards. I would severely struggle as I am right now due to chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I wouldn't be surprised if I became wheelchair bound. That sort of hammers home my previous reasons. Control over my body is leeching away as it is. I struggle to support myself. I would be miserable, and as my body and independence eroded away I would resent that poor child who didn't ask to be born. It's not meant for me.
What do you think ?
Ozacoter 4 years ago
It is very important that society starts realising that many people, specially women, doesnt want children and that their choice is as valid as any. I have severe health problems and was denied a hysterectomy by 3 gynecologists "because younwill change your mind". First I was 30, I am not a child. Second I need it for medical reasons, would you say the same to an apendicits patient?. The last gyn convinced me to have a less effective surgery without telling me that afterwards pregnancy would be extremely dangerous for me (26% mortality, x3 chances of ectopic pregnancy...). Even with that he refused to sterilise me "because you will change your mind". He actively endangered my health to save a minimal chance of me having a healthy baby. Obviously the hospital board did nothing against him. I am just a dumb woman afterall only good as a walking uterus. My health is less important than my hypothetical children.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
This happened in Belgium, a fairly advanced and feminist country. I cannot imagine how terrible it is for women in other more conservative countries.
Load More Replies...
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I have 3 children, well adults now, and I love them with all my heart. I dont regret it at all. That being said, i dont understand trying to justify why you dont want kids. It's a choice that you make for yourself. You know you better than anyone. It shouldn't matter to others. It's not their lives. If you have kids just to be in the "norm" , then you're miserable and in turn so will your kids.
Mette Stenersen 4 years ago
Do we really need a reason to not have kids? Well, I don't like kids, never have, never will.
Jo Choto 4 years ago
Not having kids should be the default. I think it's far more important for people to consider why they DO want kids and to contemplate if it's a good idea, if they are suited for it, if they are ready for the sacrifices, and if they are willing to have the job for life (because amazingly, parenting responsibilities don't just magically stop when your kid turns 18).
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
I've seen some really good reasons for not having children, but I've also seen very sad reasons for not having children. "Not being able to afford children" is something you expect as a reason for someone living in a dangerous backward area, without access to healthcare, proper education or decent food, not in a "developed" society.
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
There are no bad reasons not to have children. WTF
Load More Replies...
Aliquid A 4 years ago
If you don't want kids, then don't have kids. No need to give a reason. Having a kid you don't want is bad for you and even worse for the kid. --- But at the same time, make sure you support people you know who do have kids, and support those children so they grow up to be effective members of society... because when you are old those kids will be adults running your community, and the quality of your community depends on them.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
For me, it's simple. I have just never had the desire to. It's hard for some people to understand such a simple answer, they usually want a more in depth one but for me there isn't one. Don't want them, never have, never will. That's it.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I did not have children simply because I would not be a good mother. I thoroughly like other peoples kids. I think if more of us would realize this and not reproduce we would have less child abuse which is done mostly by parents. I find this completely abhorrent. People who don't want kids for any reason should have the intelligence not to go with the flow because you socially should have kids.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
It is very important that society starts realising that many people, specially women, doesnt want children and that their choice is as valid as any. I have severe health problems and was denied a hysterectomy by 3 gynecologists "because younwill change your mind". First I was 30, I am not a child. Second I need it for medical reasons, would you say the same to an apendicits patient?. The last gyn convinced me to have a less effective surgery without telling me that afterwards pregnancy would be extremely dangerous for me (26% mortality, x3 chances of ectopic pregnancy...). Even with that he refused to sterilise me "because you will change your mind". He actively endangered my health to save a minimal chance of me having a healthy baby. Obviously the hospital board did nothing against him. I am just a dumb woman afterall only good as a walking uterus. My health is less important than my hypothetical children.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
This happened in Belgium, a fairly advanced and feminist country. I cannot imagine how terrible it is for women in other more conservative countries.
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I have 3 children, well adults now, and I love them with all my heart. I dont regret it at all. That being said, i dont understand trying to justify why you dont want kids. It's a choice that you make for yourself. You know you better than anyone. It shouldn't matter to others. It's not their lives. If you have kids just to be in the "norm" , then you're miserable and in turn so will your kids.
Mette Stenersen 4 years ago
Do we really need a reason to not have kids? Well, I don't like kids, never have, never will.
Jo Choto 4 years ago
Not having kids should be the default. I think it's far more important for people to consider why they DO want kids and to contemplate if it's a good idea, if they are suited for it, if they are ready for the sacrifices, and if they are willing to have the job for life (because amazingly, parenting responsibilities don't just magically stop when your kid turns 18).
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
I've seen some really good reasons for not having children, but I've also seen very sad reasons for not having children. "Not being able to afford children" is something you expect as a reason for someone living in a dangerous backward area, without access to healthcare, proper education or decent food, not in a "developed" society.
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
There are no bad reasons not to have children. WTF
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 4 years ago
If you don't want kids, then don't have kids. No need to give a reason. Having a kid you don't want is bad for you and even worse for the kid. --- But at the same time, make sure you support people you know who do have kids, and support those children so they grow up to be effective members of society... because when you are old those kids will be adults running your community, and the quality of your community depends on them.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
For me, it's simple. I have just never had the desire to. It's hard for some people to understand such a simple answer, they usually want a more in depth one but for me there isn't one. Don't want them, never have, never will. That's it.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I did not have children simply because I would not be a good mother. I thoroughly like other peoples kids. I think if more of us would realize this and not reproduce we would have less child abuse which is done mostly by parents. I find this completely abhorrent. People who don't want kids for any reason should have the intelligence not to go with the flow because you socially should have kids.
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