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30 ‘White Knight’ Behaviors Men Still Do Without Realizing How Toxic They Really Are
Contrary to what dating apps and social media might lead you to believe, chivalry is not dead. My partner always opens doors for me, carries the heavier bag of groceries and makes sure that I have a blanket as soon as I express how cold our apartment is. But as nice as those behaviors are, we both know that it’s not necessary for men to treat women differently. In fact, it can often become toxic.
Women on Reddit have recently been discussing “white knight” behaviors from men that they’re sick and tired of, so we’ve gathered some of their thoughts down below. It’s wonderful to open up doors and help women out when they’re transporting heavy items, but those actions are pointless if you become condescending in the name of politeness. Enjoy reading through this list, and be sure to upvote the habits you can’t stand either!
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#1
I’m a widow. Men have thrown themselves at me like they were going to be the one to f**k the loneliness away. Married. Dating. Single. Old. Young. Every walk of life. My boss too. When they asked, “Do you miss sex?” I always wanted to answer, “Nope. I saved my husband’s penis. It sits on my nightstand in a glass box with a label on it that reads, ‘Break glass in case of emergency.’”
#2
When people try to put words in my mouth like "what I think she meant was". No, no, no, I f*****g said what I said, all questions can be directed to me.
#3
Offering to help you and not backing off regardless of what you say. My cousin is very beautiful and often has guys offering help left and right in an effort to get in her good graces - except they keep offering when she says no. And keep offering. And keep pushing. It's basically a thinly veiled "let me get close to you", and they won't take no for an answer. It's extremely disrespectful
#4
Any time a man is speaking for or “defending” a woman and he gets extremely possessive. And you can tell that he’s more offended because she’s HIS, and it’s therefore disrespectful to HIM, than he is concerned about her feelings. “That’s MY f*****g WIFE,” “don’t talk about MY wife that way,” “keep my wife’s name out your f*****g mouth!” (This is basically the quintessential example of this behavior in pop culture tbh).
I think a lot of women are actually attracted to this on the surface, but it bugs me deeply now that I’ve realized how it really serves the man.
In contrast, I had a really s****y conversation with my dad recently where it got heated and he was questioning my professional decisions. My dad’s a contrarian and loves to lecture, so if I say “I’m doing this,” his first reaction is “no no, that’s wrong” — even if he would say it’s right under other circumstances. Drives me batty. My husband sat back and let me stand my ground until I was getting basically bulldozed. He finally “stepped in,” because my dad tends to respond better to men (eye roll)…. but what he said was “Hey. She’s doing an amazing job, and her performance isn’t up for debate. You may not agree, but it isn’t your career or your life. We’re both extremely happy with how she handled the situation.” It just… felt different. I didn’t need him to go all “That’s MY wife, back off” macho macho mode. I felt like a teammate, not a possession.
Insomniac 7 months ago
My dad can be awesome, but he can also be quite mean. I was having trouble with a man I liked recently in that I felt he was being disrespectful and somewhat emotionally abusive, and Dad was like "no, you stop speaking to him. He does not get to treat MY daughter that way." I said "what, that privilege is just for you?" Dad did not like that.
#5
Having the mentality of "Men, its our job to protect women."
Why? Who are you "protecting" us from... oh.. other men? Maybe place your focus on calling out those men when you see toxic/dangerous behaviors and normalize holding your own kind accountable. Stop making it about "protecting women."
#6
Taking tools away from me while I'm using them because they are "thinking of my safety". Like, no, it's not safe to try and take my ax out of my hands mid-swing.
#7
When a guy is explaining something, and I say “I know.” Could be directions, telling me about a show, a fact, current event, whatever. But if I said that I know already, them saying “Ok, but…” and continuing as if I had said nothing.
#8
Men I don't know calling me "honey," "sweetheart," or any variation of that. Happens less now that I'm older, thank god.
#9
Men who do the bare minimum and act like they should be praised for it like it’s so annoying. like congrats for respecting my boundaries i guess??
Anyone-for-tea? 7 months ago
Yes, like “I emptied the dishwasher for you, love” No you didn’t, they’re shared responsibilities and things you need for the household to run smoothly.
#10
When they try to mansplain me how to do my job.
Weasel Wise 7 months ago
Dude...dude...this! No joke, I had a coworker try to mansplain to me about how to put steak knives away just two weeks ago. No fùcking joke, how to put knives into a container. I've been doing this job almost as long as this dude has been alive. I gave him a crooked look as he started to "explain" and, gladly, caught on quick by saying, "Yeah. Okay. I'm going to stop speaking now." Blows my frigging mind that he thought, for even a split second, that I could use his absolutely idiotic waste of breath.
Wendy Miller 7 months ago
I absolutely hate this. I process listing agreements at work. Been doing it for 14 years. After processing (which includes providing a listing number, creating a folder, adding it to our database, etc.) I let the listing agent know that all of these things are done. I literally had one of our guys send me a new listing and tell me what to do with it (as mentioned above). Um excuse me, I've been doing this longer than you've been at our company. But he's also someone who doesn't value you if you are in a position perceived as "less than". Those types are the worst.
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Chrissy Dee 7 months ago
I once had a man try to correct me when I told him my new job title. My title contains a common acronym which is slightly similar to a different acronym in our field. The exchange was written, so there was no possible mishearing involved. His immediate reaction was "Lol, you mean XYZ" And I simply replied "No, it's ZYX. I know my own job title."
RabidChild 7 months ago (edited)
Oh yeah. No matter what project you're working on, even though you are not seeking advice, a man has to tell you how you'll "want" to do a thing, i.e., "Now, when you're gonna (do project) you're gonna want to (step 1 of project) before you go on to (step 2 of project). Then you're gonna want to (step 3 of project)..."
Aminah Khan 2 months ago
Or anything else, actually. That call for my parent-toddler voice, "Really? Then you can wear big-boy pants now!"
Insomniac 7 months ago (edited)
1/3 I could be caustic and say, "oh, really, what a smart boy you are for figuring that out!" That's my usual response to mansplaining. But... let's dig deeper. The serious side of the concept of mansplaining has been lost, according to Rebecca Solnit, who introduced the concept in 2008. That's where, she says, the harm begins, and I agree with her. Mansplaining is one part of a much bigger societal problem - who gets listened to and believed. Children, elders, disabled, and yes, often women, are treated like incompetent witnesses to their own lives. I am a multiple SA survivor and a DV survivor. I once had to discuss a workplace SA with a bureaucrat who insisted I call it an "interpersonal conflict," as if it was nothing more than an argument rather than a coworker forcing part of his body into my body. My employer refused to take it seriously because I was "too fat for him to find attractive," as my assailant said.
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#11
Speaking on my behalf because I didn't answer right away. Like I don't care if you've known me my whole life you don't under any circumstances speak for me. I have a voice.
veryvenasaur 7 months ago
THIS THIS THIS. After getting my wisdom teeth out I physically could not speak but the doctor still looked at me while talking about the post operative care. Yes obviously they were also talking to my mom and dad because you know anesthesia and stuff but the gesture was there.
#12
Idk if this counts but my mom once interviewed a guy who was applying to work for her company and he said something like “I just want to say, I have no issue whatsoever working for a woman.”
#13
I'm 5'2" and have never been over 127lbs. I like physically demanding jobs because it makes things go by faster and helps my depression. I constantly get asked if I need help with something heavy. Once had a dude watch me lift a 70lb box onto a conveyor belt and the clap when I got it up there. I gave him a dirty look and he stopped coming near me, so I count that as a win.
Definitely a Human 7 months ago
That's almost 32kgs. Way above the legal safe limit in Australia. Maybe you're getting offered help because you're a legal liability?
#15
When someone interrupts/stops telling a story to apologise for the profanities being used in front of me.
StrangeOne 7 months ago
My bf does this at times. I don't mind it so much, considering he knows I swear occasionally and doesn't take issue with it. I think he's calmed down with the apologies a bit over the years. I've had guys completely cut me out of their life and tell me they don't respect me once they hear me curse. That is demeaning.
#16
People, especially strangers telling me how young I look or how skinny I am as if it’s a compliment.
#17
When I’m outside a hotel loading my stuff up and they walk up and start grabbing my stuff to “help,” me. Nah, that’s how s**t gets stolen and guys then they you owe them something. Or what happened when I was 12 I was out for a walk and guy in a utility van offered me a ride because it was too cold I declined multiple times and he kept saying he was trying to be nice 🙄like why would I wanna get in your dirty as van with you being a stranger
#18
Random adult men who just happen to be in the same public space that believe they are “being nice” and have a right to get to know me. Being cordial is fine, but pushing hard for information is creepy. Especially when they start topics like, “are you still in school or are you working toward a degree?” Dude, I’m almost 30 but thanks for admitting you were attempting to target someone you thought was significantly younger and naive… it’s not a compliment when they don’t know me!!!
#19
If I'm holding a door already for everyone to get in and a man has to make it awkward by trying to be gentlemanly and hold the door for me.
You're causing a traffic jam then making it awkward holding the door also so now I gotta do a weird shimmy under your arm or go around you somehow to go inside. I hate it.
And for what? Because you think it's emasculating for a woman being nice holding a door?
You're not actually being nice to me either, you're taking away a choice I made to do an action and saying no, no, you can't do that woman.
Stephen Morgan 7 months ago
I’m 59 and was raised to hold the door for women, children, the elderly and anyone who may have their hands full. Only once in my life was I called out by a women for my “sexist” behavior, but sorry stranger, my mother’s opinion matters more than yours.
#20
Men who refuse to swear or use curse words around women because they think we're too fragile and easily offended to handle it.
#21
A friend of mine really likes to help/defend female friends that are more feminine/delicate looking when they're drunk or being picked at by others, but then picks at/bullies the ones who are more independent/direct. It's the selectiveness that makes me uncomfortable.
Insomniac 7 months ago
I'm a multiple SA survivor. People don't necessarily believe me because I'm tall and overweight, so either they shouldn't be attracted or I should be able to fight them off. Firstly, predators often choose someone who is likely to have low self-esteem. It's not about attraction. Secondly, PTSD responses suck, and they are very real. If you freeze, you freeze, and you cannot make yourself fight back. Predators know that. Your friend has a predatory nature he hides behind some shallow white knighting.
#23
Not sure if this counts but those cringy "POV" TikToks where a guy acts out an imaginary scenario where he saves a girl from being harrased/assaulted. They just love imagining that a woman is being hurt just so that they can be a hero. And there's always epic movie type music playing in the background.
Anna Ekberg 7 months ago
Never even heard of this b4, sounds kinda pathetic and cringey but then again i don't have Tiktok and not planning on getting it either.
#24
Assuming I'm incapable of doing "mans" work.
Being my "friend" just to hop on the first chance to try to sleep with me. Then get salty when they get denied.
Insomniac 7 months ago
Sometimes you go into a friendship thinking that it's a friendship, but you start feeling more. That doesn't make you a bad person, so long as you respect the no and don't get mean about it. Even if you need to leave the friendship after romantic rejection for your own peace of mind, you're still not a bad person. People don't differentiate between jerks who "put the nice coins in hoping the sex will come out" and people who genuinely fall in unrequited love and have to walk away.
#25
Babying pregnant women because they "need protection", including from themselves.
When I was pregnant, one of my coworkers told on me to my husband (we work at the same company) because he thought the box I was carrying was too heavy for a pregnant woman to be carrying. 🙄
My husband laughed in his face because obviously I know my own limits.
#26
Dude tried to take ny bag and my arm while walking across an icy parking lot. He kept messing up my balance and finally I was like 'I. GOT. IT.' But he also called me 'Sunshine' at work even though I'm a middle aged, college educated woman. He wasn't flirting, just being a gross misogynist.
Pittsburgh rare 7 months ago
If l was called sunshine, considering my resting b***h face, l'd burst out laughing
#27
People insisting on carrying things for me. I worked in a warehouse for years and can’t count how many times I got told that the lifting should be left for the ‘men’.. I was usually the only employee on shift and if I left all the lifting for them men then I just wouldn’t be employed 🤷🏻♀️
#28
Trying to tell you your relationship is bad because they're rather you were single. I've met several guys who compare people's partners to how they _imagine_ they themselves would behave in the relationship, and whaddya know, the other guys always come up wanting when compared to their personal mythology. And then it heads into "he's not good enough for you", and from there into "why do women only date a******s?"
Insomniac 7 months ago
I am unrequitedly in love at the moment. I'm working to get over him, but I've wanted to be with him my entire adult life (we've both had numerous relationships with other people), and I've been an adult longer than I've been a child. Now, I didn't tell him until recently, so that's my bad. But it's not going to happen, and I'm accepting that. But it's going to take me some time. And I have three different guys telling me to just start hating him and calling him evil. I've told all three of them I'm not interested in a relationship with them. I need to be on my own. But that goes in one ear and out the other. All three of them apparently have a magic d**k that will cure my ills.
#29
Ugh I have a story for this one
I used to work in a brothel, I did quite well and didn’t mind the work at the time. One day a very rich (now ex) friend offered me money completely unprompted. I thought maybe he wanted sexual favours but he claimed that wasn’t it. I declined stating that I don’t take money I haven’t earned then few months later he offered me a job.
He claimed he’d pay me whatever I ask to be on call 24/7 as his personal assistant (he ran multiple businesses)
i was about to start working as an escort for an agency making upwards of $500 an hour, I would have barely had to work but he swooped in with this incredible offer of training me in his field and flying me around the world I thought I may as well take the opportunity.
Seeing as I was about to make so much money I set my price pretty high but then s**t got weird.
He offered me a personal assistant job, but instead of filing paperwork and organising meetings as he promised I spent each day cleaning his apartment and tending to his increasingly ridiculous requests (drive 14 hours to pick something up, organise mtg cards, fix an aircon etc)
THEN he decided he’d rather only pay me half of what he promised for the 2 months of work I did and that’s when I quit, there was no contract or anything so had to cut my losses.
I chalk this up to a white knight complex because on multiple occasions he tried to “help” me financially and tried to give me an out of the s3x industry neither of which I wanted or asked for and it actually ended up screwing me over I couldn’t afford rent or food for the month after and lost the chance to be with the agency.
#30
Men I don’t know being gentlemanly (hmm) and letting me walk up the stairs in front of them when I’m wearing a short skirt or shorts. This usually happens with repairmen in my house.
What do you think ?
Andy Pandy 7 months ago
A lot of these are just examples of why men just can't do anything right according to some women.
MR 7 months ago
Nah, the majority are examples of men being misogynistic a-holes, but none of it is white knight behavior. There's more to white knight behavior than "trying to be 'helpful'"
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Scott Wilkins 7 months ago
And the moral of the story is: avoid all other people and keep to yourself. I'm ok with that.
Hester 7 months ago (edited)
You're right... it's all about assuming women are lesser and can't decide for herself what she needs or can do. Which is why the title uses inverted commas around White Knight.
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Andy Pandy 7 months ago
A lot of these are just examples of why men just can't do anything right according to some women.
MR 7 months ago
Nah, the majority are examples of men being misogynistic a-holes, but none of it is white knight behavior. There's more to white knight behavior than "trying to be 'helpful'"
Load More Replies... Scott Wilkins 7 months ago
And the moral of the story is: avoid all other people and keep to yourself. I'm ok with that.
Hester 7 months ago (edited)
You're right... it's all about assuming women are lesser and can't decide for herself what she needs or can do. Which is why the title uses inverted commas around White Knight.
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