We all have them.

I was sitting in class a few days ago when one of my friends turned and asked the teacher a question. She didn't respond. She sat frozen, staring at her computer, hand hovering over her mouth. "I'm sorry, I just..." she took a deep breath in and looked at the round blank faces of her student. "I just found out that there was a school shooting." The whole class went somehow more silent that it had already been in the loudest way possible. An invisible hush was weaving through the desks and cold fingers of horror were gripping our arms raising goosebumps. "What?" a weak ensemble of half hidden shock arose from our mouths. It felt suddenly very cold. I felt suddenly very alone. "Is there... is there anyone who doesn't want to hear about this?" The teacher said with a look of seriousness and cracked hearts on her face. She scanned the room for what felt like hours. No trembling hands rose in the air. No one spoke up. She turned slowly back to her desk. "Two killed, an adult woman and a teenage girl. Several injured. The shooter was killed in fire exchange with police..." Then something caught in her throat. "I can't even say this part..." We sat still like statues. "It occurred at a visual and performing arts school." My stomach tightened. I attend a visual and performing arts school. I could feel the lumps in the throats of everyone in the class. The teacher. The people across the country who were finding out about it. The injured. The families of the dead. I could feel all pain condensed into a swelling throat as I squeezed my eyes shut. Nothing more. No one dared to speak. They turned back to their textbooks, but I couldn't. "May I use the restroom?" I asked in the steadiest voice I had in me.

I walked down the hallway towards the bathrooms. As I did, I passed the door that led to the front doors of the school. I stood there, still, and looked at it. I'm not safe anymore, I thought. No one is. This happened- it came out of nowhere. No warning. Just a Monday. It could happen right now. Someone could bust through that quaint wooden barrier and put my school in the news. I was sick down to my heart. Children like me everywhere just aren't safe. And that realization hit me like a bullet.