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30 Of The Weirdest Things Parents Have Told Their Kids, According To The Parents Themselves

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Parenting is an unexpected journey. Sometimes you just can't know the situation or conversation you're gonna get into with your little kid. And they can be really amusing, too. In an attempt to document all of the weird stuff she herself says to her son, one mother started a blog called WTF Parenting Quotes.

It all started with one phrase. "One day, while driving, I was tuning in and out of his chatter in the backseat, when I heard, ‘It’s simple, Mama. All you need is a dead body, a pocketknife, and an ostrich.’ It’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard," the mom behind the project wrote. "I eventually found out he was trying to explain how to do a human-ostrich brain transplant, and heard myself explaining why it wouldn’t work. Definitely the most wtf thing I’ve ever heard myself say." Since then, she's trying to be as aware of their exchanges as possible.

As time went by, other parents fell in love with WTF Parenting Quotes and wanted to be a part of it as well. They started submitting snippets of their own conversations with their children and the project into something bigger.

More info: tumblr

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#1

‘Having Superman printed pajamas will not enable you to fly, my son. Please sleep on the bottom bunk.’

'Stop licking the eggs and put them back in the fridge.’

After scolding then-3-year old for heading outside in his pajamas to play ('You don’t go outside in your pajamas, young man!’), I found him stark naked on his tricyle, serenely pedalling up and down the driveway. 'Me got no jamas on mummy!’ he proudly told me.

- Ed. Note: I love this. Kid definitely is a future lawyer.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

143points

Lilli Stanard 5 years ago

"me got no jamas on mummy"

41points

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#2

"No, your teeth are not asleep. Go brush them."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

139points

Orillion 5 years ago

At least the kid tried :p

38points

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#3

I asked my 10 year old son what he wanted on pizza one night. He replied, “well, Mom, I’m not a virgin.“ I stopped cold and said, “what?” He said, “ I want meat, I’m not a virgin.” “Oh, you’re not a vegetarian.“ as I exhaled.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

136points

Ma Jonalyn Montero 5 years ago

Whoah! Son, we gotta talk.

38points

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#4

"No, hippies are not baby hippos. Yes, I’m sure."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

135points

Bill 5 years ago

Some grow up to become hippos

32points

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#5

"Grandpa is not a race car.
Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy.
You may not “drive Grandpa.”"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

134points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Why are you spoiling Grandpa's day?

100points

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#6

"No, do NOT lick the cat."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

131points

glowworm2 5 years ago

"But the cat licked me first. It would be impolite not to lick her back."

86points

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#7

"I don’t think you’re old enough to be having a mid-life crisis."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

119points

Kristof De Smet 5 years ago

Kids growing up so fast!

35points

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#8

"Go ahead. Walk to Australia. Let me know how that goes."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

119points

Kathy Baylis 5 years ago

I used to get that when I said I was going to the backyard to dig a hole to China.

36points

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#9

"No no no no. No ‘pants off dance off’ at the wedding."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

116points

Angel Llamas 5 years ago

Boring wedding then.

64points

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#10

"I don’t think the cat sneaks out at night and rides your skateboard."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

116points

Danieletc 5 years ago

Just the way the cat wants you to think.

57points

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#11

"That’s good that you love the neighbor’s cat, but no, you can’t marry him."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

114points

Parmeisan 5 years ago

@Bill - It doesn't matter how progressive we get, there's a line and it's not arbitrary. You will never, ever be able to marry someone or something that cannot consent. Your line, on the other hand - "anyone I don't approve of" - just isn't going to stick.

32points

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#12

"How can you not know why your tongue is blue? Your tongue was with you all day today, wasn’t it?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

112points

Night Owl 5 years ago

S(he) turned into a giraffe

19points

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#13

"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in ‘stealth mode.’"

Ruined my ninja’s self esteem today.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

111points

Kristof De Smet 5 years ago

MO-OOM!

29points

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#14

Submission: “I am sorry the baby keeps biting you but perhaps if you stop putting your fingers in her mouth she will stop biting you.”

….Charlie? Is that you??

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

107points

Jeff Diamond 5 years ago

I've said this, too.

16points

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#15

"But how did your underwear get stuck in the bathroom window in the first place?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

105points

glowworm2 5 years ago

Was the kid still attached to them at the time?

46points

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#16

"You are not an M&M. Put your clothes back on."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

103points

Alexandria Rejon 5 years ago

This ones my favorite

22points

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#17

"You can growl at me all you want, but you still have to tie your shoes."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

97points

Kjorn 5 years ago

dog can be so mean sometime

29points

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#18

"I am about 99.9% sure you are not getting a chainsaw for Christmas."

Don’t lose all hope. That leaves a .1 chance you are.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

96points

Bill 5 years ago

But I am. Firewood doesn't cut itself.

19points

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#19

"No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

95points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

To be honest I know some people that deserve having thrown alligators at them. And crocodiles too.

76points

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#20

"I am not going to get in a car crash just to cure your hiccups. That is crazy talk."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

93points

glowworm2 5 years ago (edited)

Great idea, but I don't think it's going to work if they're aware of it to begin with.

17points

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#21

"Why are you carrying the cat into the bathroom?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

89points

Daune Jaimes Diaz Premium 5 years ago

At 3 I found my son and our cat Taco in bathroom. Well, Taco was calmly sitting inside the toilet while Leo bathed him. Never thought I'd have to tell my kid 'I dont care if the cat likes it, do not give him a bath in the toilet "

113points

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#22

"Why is there an axe on the floor?"

Darn Vikings never pick up after themselves.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

89points

glowworm2 5 years ago

Hagar the Horrible can vouch for that.

32points

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#23

"No no no, the police do not need your help ‘investigating.’ Get back here!!"

All kinds of trouble at the park tonight.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

88points

glowworm2 5 years ago

I really want to know the backstory for this one!

37points

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#24

NO! Don’t pull that pin!!
Yelled at my almost 2yr old as he approached a gas station fire extinguisher with a devious look in his eye.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

88points

Bill 5 years ago

Never take him to the grenade range

48points

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#25

Whose underwear is on your head? (It wasn’t his, and it wasn’t clean and his brother was hiding and giggling)

It wasn’t clean. IT WASN’T CLEAN. brb, vomiting.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

87points

Kjorn 5 years ago

at least it's not an older brother crushy socks

20points

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#26

"I’m sure Grandpa could go to England and not kill anyone."

Grandpa is an Irishman, in case you couldn’t tell.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

86points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

Welllll,the Irish are a proud people and just a teeny weeny little bit belligerent...

14points

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#27

"Put the guns down and brush your teeth."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

81points

A B C 5 years ago

Every odd hillbilly house in the US's midwest, every evening?

22points

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#28

Anonymous asked: No, Gatorade in your eyes will not make you see things faster

That lightning bolt sure confuses things!

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

81points

Flower Crown Faun 5 years ago

Tsk tsk tsk, when will kids these days learn? The lightning bolt means you can shoot electricity out of your eyes, not see faster!

25points

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#29

"They’re called ‘discharge papers’ not 'dementor papers.’"

He was reading Harry Potter while waiting for his x Rays and got confused.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

78points

Bananabelle 5 years ago

YES!! You taught your child well. (I'm totally calling them 'dementor papers' from now on.)

39points

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#30

“Stop eating your soup with your fingers!” (To my 10 year old)

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

77points

Kristof De Smet 5 years ago

Some substantial soup there!

27points

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#31

"Why is the cat pink?"

Submission from my sister. My nephews’ responses were apparently along the lines of ‘We have a cat?’

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

31points

Bill 5 years ago

The kid is acting "Presidential"

10points

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#32

"Macchu Picchu is not a Pokemon."

“Macchu Picchu I choose you!”

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

31points

Orillion 5 years ago

Not yet...

5points

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#33

"No you’re not a jockey and you can’t ride the baby."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

29points

Danieletc 5 years ago

The baby is the jockey.

9points

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#34

"Just sign the sympathy card as yourself, not as Gandalf."

… And ‘Boba Fett’ is also not appropriate.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

29points

Bill 5 years ago

Make a Wish gets celebritiy endorsements all the time, why not?

3points

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#35

"How did your hat get over the fence if you didn’t throw it? No, hats don’t fly."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

29points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Yes they do with strong winds.

11points

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#36

"No, no one is going to autograph your teeth."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

29points

Orillion 5 years ago

That would be impressive though.

6points

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#37

"The cat is not hypnotizing the dog."

It’s improbable, but not impossible.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

28points

desert29rat 5 years ago

Don't tell the cat that.

6points

#38

"‘Slap Grandpa’ doesn’t sound like a very nice game."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

28points

Laci 5 years ago

HA! I'm sorry - that's hilarious

6points

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#39

"You can’t put me in timeout, I’m your mother."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

28points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Even mothers need some timeout occasionally.

12points

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#40

"Yes, I agree, [the neighbor’s cat] ‘isn’t very sexy.’ Wait… what do you think that word means? No… It doesn’t mean ‘a person you go on dates with.’"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

28points

Danieletc 5 years ago

Lordy, talk about low-hanging fruit... the kid clearly likes... the neighbor's pussy.

0points

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#41

"No, I don’t know what your Father’s Day card to Daddy says. Maybe next time don’t pick out one that’s in Spanish."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

28points

Night Owl 5 years ago

Perfect opportunity to try to teach them how to use a dictionary (or at least Google translate or a similar site)

11points

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#42

"No, Grandpa does not have any friends named ‘Vomity.’"

…. That I know of?

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

27points

Madeline Young 5 years ago

ew

2points

#43

"Something I actually said tonight:
No, no… Don’t wash your face with the frog."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

27points

desert29rat 5 years ago

The frog wouldn't care for it.

5points

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#44

"Look, it’s one thing if it happens accidentally, but we’re not going to deliberately shoot milk out of our noses at the dinner table."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

27points

#45

"Yes you *were* eating dirt. I can still see it around your mouth. No you are *not* a worm."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

27points

My O My 5 years ago (edited)

100grams of dirt are healthy - just not at once

2points

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#46

"Because Mommy’s not a professional art thief, that’s why."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

27points

Kjorn 5 years ago

she just suck at it

7points

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#47

"There will be no fish catching with your toes."

I just heard my husband say this. I’m afraid to go downstairs.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

26points

Karasu 5 years ago

No noodling, eh?

1point

#48

"Why are there leprechaun body parts in your folder?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

26points

Blakkur Sverrir 5 years ago

Leprechaun tried to be smart. Had to teach him a lesson

2points

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#49

“No, honey, we can’t clean giraffes with cupcakes.” – I don’t even know what the context of this was

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

26points

Danieletc 5 years ago

Turns out strudels are better for cleaning giraffes.

12points

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#50

"I don’t ‘smell like Europe.’ What does that even mean?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

26points

Night Owl 5 years ago

It's a nice smell. Not perfect, but nice

10points

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#51

"Why is the dog wearing Yoda ears?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

25points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Because the cat wouldn't wear them.

22points

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#52

"No, you have to wear pants on the golf course."

Shipping this kid to a nudist colony in 5… 4… 3…

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

25points

XxKarmaxX 5 years ago

lmao

3points

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#53

"Yes, you do look like Tony Stark but I still want you to wash your face."

Chocolate ice cream goatee = easy costume.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

25points

Silverfish_13 5 years ago

At least he has been well educated

3points

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#54

"Look, I know you love pickles, but… with a cookie? …At the same time?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

25points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Coming from a parent eating Brussels Sprouts that must sound a bit odd to a kid.

5points

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#55

"I babysit often and this is one of my favorites: “please stop stabbing your corn, and telling it to die!”"

Another anonymous submission. Keep ‘em coming!

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

25points

#56

"Please do not take your socks and shoes off in the restaurant. No. No, no. The waiter does not want to see your toes."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

25points

Rebecah Ozuna 5 years ago

Doesn't parents educate anymore? Your child shouldn't be the boss of you.

1point

#57

"No I will not dye my hair green for the wedding."

Mohawks are also out.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

A B C 5 years ago

Pfff, that's gonna be one heck of a lame wedding.

9points

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#58

"When did you memorize all these insurance commercials??"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

During all the long hours you left me sitting on the couch watching TV.

6points

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#59

"Do not throw gorillas at me. Please."

Another submission from my sister.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

glowworm2 5 years ago

What kind of gorillas are we talking about here? Stuffed ones, plastic ones or live ones?

1point

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#60

Anonymous asked: I say this almost daily to my daughter-"Stop licking the television Spongebob doesn't like it"

… I bet Patrick does.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

Rebecah Ozuna 5 years ago

She'll stop when she gets a static shock.

0points

#61

"You’re probably right, you shouldn’t time travel on an empty stomach."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

Orillion 5 years ago

Safety first!

6points

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#62

"You’re in trouble because you told passport control ‘Sorry my picture doesn’t match my face.’"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

#63

"No, you can’t send your cousin to an orphanage."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

24points

Lsai Aeon 5 years ago

My uncle wanted to take my dad back to the hospital in exchange for the "Little colored baby" cuz it didn't squaller as much - this was the early 1940s

9points

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#64

"You smell like meat."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

23points

Hard 2 Guess 5 years ago

Didn't know Lady Gaga had a kid.

4points

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#65

"Please stop saying ‘Redrum’. It’s super creepy."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

23points

Danieletc 5 years ago

But they want to play with you for ever.... and ever.... and ever.

7points

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#66

"Poking me in the eyeball will not keep them warm."

Anonymous submission. Also, ouch.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

23points

#67

"Well, next time, don’t hide important things just to give yourself ‘a challenge.’"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

23points

Taran Wyd 5 years ago

I lose things chronically. When anyone asks me how I lost "x" again I am now going to say that I hid it to "give myself a challenge."

6points

#68

"Please don’t tell people [great grandma] ‘was too old to live.’"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

23points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Just rephrase it to "She was so old, she should have been dead a long time ago."

3points

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#69

"Is firing a nerf gun one of the steps of getting ready for bed?"

Spoiler: the answer is no.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

22points

Bill 5 years ago

It could be

2points

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#70

"No, we don’t tase people at the park."

Amazing, how versatile a stick can be.

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Final score:

22points

#71

"No, you can’t stay at home alone with the dog. The dog is not an appropriate baby-sitter."

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Final score:

22points

Kjorn 5 years ago

Brian Griffin is

6points

#72

"Stop cannibalizing your mother, child!!"

Submission from my friend, whose baby likes to eat her face.

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Final score:

22points

Hard 2 Guess 5 years ago

Pretty much all babies do that. They just wanna nibble on stuff.

5points

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#73

"No, there will be no pocket knives at occupational therapy."

This sounds worse than it was. He was just really hoping they’d teach him how to open one. …. Maybe that’s not better, now that I think of it.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

22points

I'm A Lazy Panda 5 years ago

Well, it is a life skill after all! But if one of my kiddos brought that to a therapy session they'd just be in for a lot of activities revolving around safety awareness and decision making skills lol.

2points

#74

"No, I do not have a mouse in my nose."

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Final score:

22points

Jenn Unicorn Popping 5 years ago

time for a nosehair trimmer...

3points

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#75

"Why are you putting M&Ms down your pants??"

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Final score:

22points

Night Owl 5 years ago

Some questions are best left unanswered

10points

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#76

“No, honey, your brain is in your head, not your leg."

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Final score:

22points

AzKhaleesi 5 years ago

Well if it's a boy...... (just kidding couldn't resist don't hate on me)

8points

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#77

"I’m pretty sure you’re not a hobbit."

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Final score:

22points

Orillion 5 years ago

Are you sure? How much does the kid eat?

7points

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#78

30 Of The Weirdest Things Parents Have Told Their Kids, According To The Parents Themselves I don’t think the insurance company will take this. Thanks, though.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

22points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

Don´t be too sure....short and to the point

4points

#79

"Oh my god, please don’t ever shout that you’re not wearing underwear ever again. Especially in the library."

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Final score:

22points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Funny when she's 4, not so when she's 18.

0points

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#80

is that spaghetti in your pocket?

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Final score:

22points

Star McSnatch 5 years ago

Spaghetti on the go? Idk.

1point

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#81

"OK, A) the cat does not have a ‘death list’ and B), if he did, I would not be number one."

Everyone knows the dog gets that spot.

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Final score:

21points

Orillion 5 years ago

You might be number two though.

3points

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#82

"No, your imaginary friends did not make the mess in the attic."

Great. Now I’m living in a Family Circus strip.

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Final score:

21points

Lsai Aeon 5 years ago

Sure they did, they just had help, a LOT of help

3points

#83

"Haircuts aren’t evil, and you’re getting one."

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Final score:

21points

Wyndmere 5 years ago

Hold still! I can only even the sides out just a few times before I’ll have to shave your head to even it up.

1point

#84

"Crutches don’t have ‘gears’ so how can you lose one??"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

21points

Orillion 5 years ago

Wait, what? How did that excuse go?

5points

#85

"Please, please, try not to say anything inappropriate to my boss today."

Unofficial ‘Take Your Kid To Work Day’ can have severe consequences.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

21points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Especially if you have been saying inappropriate things about your boss at home.

11points

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#86

"No, I don’t think any chickens are going to come flying down the chimney."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

21points

Wyndmere 5 years ago

More fun than Santa Clause. Somebody should make use of the chimney in the summertime.

1point

#87

"Did you tell [grandma] that she’s ‘odd’? That’s not nice."

… not to mention a little hypocritical.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

21points

Orillion 5 years ago

Pot, meet Kettle.

2points

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#88

"You’re eating that pizza crust from off the bathroom floor, aren’t you?"

She was supposed to throw it in the garbage, smh

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

20points

#89

"We are not buying a bazooka at Target."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

20points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Adding another disappointment to a kid's life.

9points

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#90

"No, you may not paint the dog orange."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

20points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

But yellow would be fine...

7points

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

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#91

Got these two one right after the other:

(1): I just caught myself telling my 4 year old that “anything that involves putting things in your knickers is probably a bad idea” Oh dear, but still, it’s a good rule for life!
and
(2): No, your underwear is not a ‘great place’ to keep toothpicks! I’d like to have grand kids some day—-said to my 3 year old son.

Two is a coincidence, three is a pattern. We’re almost at pattern status for things in underpants. …. Yay?

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

20points

Wyndmere 5 years ago

Yay? Why is that a ‘yay’?

1point

#92

"Repeat after me: Paintbrushes. Are. Not. Bookmarks."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

20points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

That. Is. Not. True.

5points

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#93

"You may not bring your sword to the water park."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

19points

Wyndmere 5 years ago (edited)

Deflating floaties is what today’s Viking marauders live for. Get the swords!!

2points

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#94

“Stop sitting on that damn cheese!”

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

19points

Laci 5 years ago

was he trying to cut the cheese?

4points

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"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#95

"I don’t think the cat wants you to read to him right now."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

19points

Lsai Aeon 5 years ago

*hands over several stuffed animals* "Here, read to them, they like stories"

2points

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#96

frankiemtl asked: Don't lick your friends. Put down the machete. Don't put chicken in your purse. Don't put that mustache on the fridge.

These are all terrific! (But I’m a little frightened of the machete.)

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

18points

Wyndmere 5 years ago

I hope it was a rubber machete.

1point

#97

"No, I can’t brainwash you."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

18points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

You were too rough when you tried to get the chewing-gum out of his hair.

1point

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#98

"We already own flyswatters, why do you want one for your birthday?"

At least I stopped myself from saying ‘What the f kind of present is that?’

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

18points

Danieletc 5 years ago

Give it. It's cheaper than Barbies, Lego's, or whatever they give these new small craziod monkeys theses days....

7points

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#99

"Yes, Elvis is dead. Yes, I’m sure."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

17points

A B C 5 years ago

What if someone's seen him in Morocco, hanging out with Princess Diana?

5points

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#100

"No, no one cloned our dog."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

17points

Wyndmere 5 years ago

Dogs of the same breed look more like each other than siblings do, except for twins. Why is that?

1point

#101

"Why is everyone at camp afraid of you? What did you do?"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

17points

Lsai Aeon 5 years ago

Nofin

2points

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#102

"Please use the doors when entering and exiting my car."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

Madzdad the bard 5 years ago

Don't laugh. I got in trouble several times to entering my mom's car like the General Lee. Trying to slide across the hood didn't go over too well either.

3points

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#103

"No, you can’t put a curse on people."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

Danieletc 5 years ago

Rule of thumb, not law.

3points

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#104

"Dead people can’t parachute."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

Jenica Thomas 5 years ago

well...

5points

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#105

"No, we’re not having ‘elephant food’ for dinner. Nope, not even if you’re in the mood for it."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

So you're not into the vegan lifestyle?

1point

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#106

When she was 5
Bean, please don’t lick the ceiling.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

A B C 5 years ago

How does a 5-yo get to the ceiling? Sounds like either a big kid or a small house...

5points

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#107

"You’re supposed to be brushing your teeth, not lying on the floor naked."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

Aidyn06 5 years ago

hey, kids get distracted easily

5points

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#108

"No, see, our brains stop working when we die. And if you take an ostrich’s brain out, the ostrich will die."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

16points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

So how come tangerine turd is still walking and talking? Explain that.

13points

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#109

"All right I’m tired of hearing about poop and pooping."

Regretting the mad libs purchase 5 minutes in.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

Pretty Pangolin 5 years ago

Oh, we would laugh ourselves into hysterics doing Mad Libs. There's a good memory. One was, what happens when you get cold...you get 'llama pimples'!

2points

#110

"No, I would not love a ‘pukeachu’ for Christmas."

It’s the thought that counts and all but wtf are you thinking that makes you think I would love a puking Pikachu??

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

Use your imagination...there is a little guy who would dearly love to receive one.

2points

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#111

"Aren’t all rocks uncomfortable?"

Weirdest mad lib ever…

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

#112

No thanks, son. Mommy prefers her ice cream without dirty socks.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

Mademoiselle Mirage 5 years ago

What a picky eater!

1point

#113

"Stop sucking your sister’s thumb! It’s just weird. Said to my 6 and 4 year old
— rawchaellee"

…. yikes.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

#114

terrorsister asked: I have some quotes for you if you like. "No im not getting fat ther is yoour little sister or brother growing in my belly" "What do you mean by :"why did you ate it?" "No i dont eat kids no matter what your dad said"

I do like!

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

#115

"No, you don’t actually have ‘cheetah powers.’"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

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#116

"No one has ever ‘exploded from hunger.’ I doubt you will either."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

15points

Katherine Boag 5 years ago

IMploded!

4points

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#117

"Subway is a sometimes food"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

14points

#118

"You can’t brush your teeth with socks on your hands."

I mean, you can try, but you’re not going to be very successful.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

14points

Orillion 5 years ago

Sounds like a challenge to me.

3points

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#119

"Don’t use your mittens to pick up dog poop."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

14points

Madzdad the bard 5 years ago

Better than picking it up without mittens!

1point

#120

"Do you really think I can’t see you hiding your crayons under the couch??"

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

14points

#121

"You can’t spit food all over other peoples’ tables. Or ours, now that I think about it."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

13points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

Remember ..Charity begins at home.

2points

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#122

"No, I am not controlled by an alien mothership."

…. Not that they’d let me tell you if I were.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

12points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

Keep him/her in suspense

2points

#123

"No, you can’t ride the dog."

Our schnoodle is about 30 pounds, and clearly not a horse.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

12points

Madzdad the bard 5 years ago

"Nobody told me that riding the dog was frowned upon in this establishment!" I loved that Fidelity baby commercial.

1point

#124

"You can’t write ‘The Boss’ after your name on tests."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

12points

Wyndmere 5 years ago

Ah, childhood dreams.

1point

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#125

"Pizza is a very odd weakness."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

12points

Danieletc 5 years ago

Au Contriarie. Good Pizza is a step to greater Glory, Flavor, and Ultimate Happiness.

4points

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#126

"Being in a hot tub too long won’t actually make you shrink."

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

12points

Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago

but an ice-cold shower will..

2points

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#127

“Sweetheart, those rocks aren’t that thirsty.” - to a very serious three-year-old throwing increasingly larger rocks into puddles.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

11points

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#128

"There are some things you should not put ketchup on."

… A PB&J, for example.

wtfparentingquotes Report

Final score:

11points

earringnut 5 years ago

Am I the only one who want a subreddit of just the cat comments?

4points

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anonymous

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

What do you think ?

AzKhaleesi 5 years ago

I remember one time my brain just didn't think before it spoke. My son had a birthday party one year I think he was like 12 at the time. He had a friend over I had only met once in passing. Sweetest boy ever. Said sweet boy had a fake eye that I didn't know about. So I heard my son tell him as I walked into the room they were playing video games in to check on the handful of boys. He said "Show her!" I was thinking it was something on the game. Sweet Boy took out his eye and in my brain panic I looked at my Son and said "What the f**k did you do?" All the kids cracked up. Then I laughed because obviously nothing had happened....that day. Then like a curious kid I sat down and asked him all kinds of questions. He was such a sweet boy. (he moved a year later so they can't hang out anymore.)

10points

Rhyme 5 years ago

Why???

1point

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Steve Cruz 5 years ago

When my friend complained of muscle aches after moving day, her very bright 9-y/o said the extra exertion brought on the muscle aches because of a build-up of GALACTIC ACID. (Give that kid ice cream, stat!)

7points

Kjorn 5 years ago

i already say to my kid: Stop licking the garbage can!

6points

Night Owl 5 years ago

Eww. But I bet it's a real workout for his/her immune system

6points

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Patricia Rix 5 years ago

My friend overheard this in a stadium washroom: "I know you dirtied your pants...but WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?"

4points

UnicornHuman 5 years ago

oh my...

1point

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Willajune B 4 years ago

My parents have to tell me and my friend WaffleIron to stop screaming "YOU PUT THE PEEPS IN THE CHILLI POT AND ADD THE M&M'S." There are more lyrics but that would take to long and I need to get to the next article.

0points

Tamera Gardner 5 years ago

Exchange between my daughter-in-law and my 4 year old grandson: “Did you throw your underwear into the neighbor’s yard?” “Yep!”

0points

Just saying 5 years ago

My all time great was 'stop hitting your brother with that vuvuzela'.

0points

Avital Pilpel 5 years ago

Boy, did I misread that last word.

0points

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AzKhaleesi 5 years ago

I remember one time my brain just didn't think before it spoke. My son had a birthday party one year I think he was like 12 at the time. He had a friend over I had only met once in passing. Sweetest boy ever. Said sweet boy had a fake eye that I didn't know about. So I heard my son tell him as I walked into the room they were playing video games in to check on the handful of boys. He said "Show her!" I was thinking it was something on the game. Sweet Boy took out his eye and in my brain panic I looked at my Son and said "What the f**k did you do?" All the kids cracked up. Then I laughed because obviously nothing had happened....that day. Then like a curious kid I sat down and asked him all kinds of questions. He was such a sweet boy. (he moved a year later so they can't hang out anymore.)

10points

Rhyme 5 years ago

Why???

1point

Load More Replies...

Steve Cruz 5 years ago

When my friend complained of muscle aches after moving day, her very bright 9-y/o said the extra exertion brought on the muscle aches because of a build-up of GALACTIC ACID. (Give that kid ice cream, stat!)

7points

Kjorn 5 years ago

i already say to my kid: Stop licking the garbage can!

6points

Night Owl 5 years ago

Eww. But I bet it's a real workout for his/her immune system

6points

Load More Replies...

Patricia Rix 5 years ago

My friend overheard this in a stadium washroom: "I know you dirtied your pants...but WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?"

4points

UnicornHuman 5 years ago

oh my...

1point

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Willajune B 4 years ago

My parents have to tell me and my friend WaffleIron to stop screaming "YOU PUT THE PEEPS IN THE CHILLI POT AND ADD THE M&M'S." There are more lyrics but that would take to long and I need to get to the next article.

0points

Tamera Gardner 5 years ago

Exchange between my daughter-in-law and my 4 year old grandson: “Did you throw your underwear into the neighbor’s yard?” “Yep!”

0points

Just saying 5 years ago

My all time great was 'stop hitting your brother with that vuvuzela'.

0points

Avital Pilpel 5 years ago

Boy, did I misread that last word.

0points

Load More Replies...

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