Not be my mother. My mom is mild bipolar. LOVES my brother, I, girl, was an afterthought. My mother would tell me she hated me, didn't want me, wished she never had me. Then in the next breath, ask me why I don't love her. Gee I wonder. She was not there emotionally, even if she was there physically.

Always strive to be like my father. The man is a f*****g saint. He worked 60 hrs a week, still made it to ALL sport, club, and extracurricular activities. He fixed everything around the house and cars. My brother had no interest in learning, I did. My dad and I have the kind of relationship that most dad's have with their sons.

He stayed with my mom for the wrong reason, for our sake. Not his best decision, his heart was in the right place. No blame to him, I will gut you.

I had a s***ty example and a great example. I strive for the great example. I stumble sometimes, that's parenting. Biggest advice, listen to your kids, talk to them about what works and what doesn't, adjust as needed. Set
firm boundaries, but be flexible, if need be. Remember s**t happens, take a deep breath, and tackle the monster under the bed.

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D20 Games

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Piggie8

Piggie8

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Don't blame it on being bi polar, blame it on your mom not wanting to be accountable. People cannot help being bi polar. It's worth how they try to be is what matters. Your mom could also actually have borderline personality disorder, which is from trauma.

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not to try to push the kids to do something, i am a picky eater, when my dad told me that i was going to sit at the table until i ate the vegetables, guess what i did, stayed until 8:00 (dinner started at 7;00) until my dad gave up and told me to go to bed.

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21points

ᔑᓵᒷ 𝙹⎓ ᓭ!¡ᔑ↸ᒷᓭ

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Chich

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Was made to stare at a bowl of tomato soup for hours as a kid. Years later, my father was ill and refusing to eat. I told him he wasn't leaving the table until he ate his dinner. Saw the humour in it.

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My parents never taught me anything - no help with school, no parent to kid talks, no basic life skills. They're the exact kind of people scams and conspiracy theories are aimed at. They still send me fake news e-mails to this day. Neither of them had even graduated highschool and they never had any interest in educating me, but loved to ground me if I didn't get good grades. Everything I know, I learned from books, the internet, or by trial and error. Thank god I used to be a gifted, curious kid who loved to read. That combined with the amount of neglect, though, quickly resulted in a gifted kid burnout, teenage depression and now I'm a financially incompetent adult with undiagnosed ADHD.
My sister never had any interest in education and now she's over 20, constantly asking me how to bank transfer, or how to write an adress on an envelope etc. I'm childfree by choice for many reasons, but if I ever had kids, I'd make sure to not repeat this mistake.

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Dutchman Callypso

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Mary Rose Kent

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This is so very sad!

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I try my best to make sure my kids are first. I spent my childhood (and still struggle with this) thinking everyone had more important things to do then be with me. As an adult I understand my parents needing to pay bills and why they worked hard but it hurt when I was a kid.

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Belladonna.dreams

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Random Anon

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What sadder is being the kid that understood and that understanding being taken as a given by the parents. Having been left to my devices, I know what that is like. It was a different world back then. But seeing that in this day and age sometimes make me want to give these people a good telling off.

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If your kid CLEARLY has depression make them get help.

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19points

Leedle_Leedle_lee

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Mary Rose Kent

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Or perhaps be sure to help them find someone they can talk to confidentially if they’re still living at home.

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Beat them. Neglect them. Make them feel like a burden. Make them think that they ruined my life. That's a terrible way for a child to grow up and it stays with them for life.

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BusLady

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Mary Rose Kent

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Yep

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Don’t abuse your kids.

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18points

Black Karen

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Pretending to have not enough money and force your children to go by with the cheapest or without something they really need or love just because you want to spend and indulge yourself instead (without them realizing it).
And then gloat that they maybe can buy it for themselfes when they are grown ups and have enough money.

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17points

MagentaBlu

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Adam C

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My plan is while my daughter is still young and don't understand clothes, just try to save as much as possible so she may get clothes she "like" when she's a teenager.

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I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother who lacks empathy. I learned from about aged 11 that I was pretty much on my own with anything I was struggling with, even illness. As a mother, I choose to be always available to my kids, empathetic and make sure that they know they are NEVER alone with anything.

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14points

JillyMack

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Terry Butler

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I love your commitment. You're exactly right. No child should feel or be alone to handle the struggles of life growing up. ♥️

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I always thought getting spanked for hitting someone was a little hard to figure out.
We don't whack hit people whack.

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13points

Rule 303

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Mindy Haun

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That's a weird one. For me another one was, "I'll give you something not cry about." Basically getting spanked, crying because it hurts and getting spanked even harder because I cried. Was I supposed to not cry?

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Never trust your teenager
Teenage girls are truly a different breed. I appeared to be a sweet innocent young lady in my teenage years. In reality, I was a manipulative, sneaky pothead that in all honesty barely made it out of those years alive. I swore to myself I’d never be so naive with my children.

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Erin Johnson

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MagentaBlu

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Not every parent is really that naive... sometimes parenting is having to watch without so much intervention, how their teenagers make all kind of mistakes and take bad decitions, because they have to experiment and learn on their own what kind of behaviour , as long as it is legal, is worth to be strengthen and feels right, and what kind of behaviour is not going to work in real life. Adolescence is precisely the time to be wrong and make all kinds of mistakes. Parents obviously have to be aware, (not behaving also like middle aged teens) and most teenagers never realize that until they become real adults, and perhaps, parents on their own.

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LITREALLY everything ! I wont ever tell my kid what to wear.. i wont ever tell my kid they r kinda ugly... I wont ever make jokes about my kid's insecurities or insterests.... I would always support my kid's interests ( only if they aren't wrong ) .... I will always support them with their passion and hobbies... I will never force anything on them ! I don't want my kids to ever feel like " OMG , Mom will be so mad at me"... I want them to feel like " OMG , I need to tell this to mom ASAP "

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12points

Official_Blink️

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Cat Girl

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Wdym by “wrong”

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I was one of seven children and academically cleverer than the others, my parents took no interest in my school work, never attended a parent/teacher evening, my father would get annoyed because I had homework, none of my brothers or sisters ever did have any. When I wanted to stay on at school, my father told me that I would never have new shoes or clothes if I stayed on. I managed half an extra term, by then I was wearing shoes with holes in the soles. I left school and got a job, my mother told me I was to give her half my wages. I saved money to buy new clothes and shoes only to find my mother and sister, both three sizes larger than me wearing my new clothes. I left home when I was 17, best thing I did. Don’t get me wrong I loved my parents but they wanted me to do everything their way and wouldn’t accept that I wanted to do more than leave school at 15, meet someone get married and have a couple of kids.

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Wendy Heath

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Stephanie Goadsby

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In that situation especially, it's perfectly okay to not love them. The fact that you justified loving them is worrying. For how they behaved, was not love. Please seek help in accepting that truth as you will be better served for it when it comes to truely loving yourself and others.

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Your kid is should not be your therapist. Don't involve your kid in your problems or expect them to listen about your issues, because that's not their job, that's yours.

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12points

Lena Warren

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They do not have an expiration date on when they are welcome to continue living at home. My husband left home at 15 and myself at 17. My kids are welcome to stay with me until they properly get their lives started.

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Amberleigh Mysts

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Let your kids make their own decisions. My mom said that the only reason I could get a tattoo is if I got mom in white ink. I plan on getting a tattoo. Not of mom. Also, pain isn’t a competition. If you have hard stuff going on, still listen to your kids and don’t dismiss them. And don’t say “well when I was a kid it was blah blah blah”

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NotATaco

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Linda Lee

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2 years ago

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You think you got it bad? I walked 10 miles to school, uphill, both ways, in the snow, barefoot! /s

2

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Tell them everything and ask them to lie. There are somethings that kids shouldn’t know about. Asking them to lie to a family member or authority figure will either teach the child it is okay to do or give the child extreme anxiety because they know it is the wrong.

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Artist FKA Ramsey

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Not to take off in a hurry on your bike when late for kinder-garten with two toddlers....especially when the one in the front is brandishing a toy-sword....gives a whole new meaning to «bite the dust»

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9points

Jette Wang Wahnon

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The main thing I learned was: Intending to be a good parent and studying parenting and doing what you think of as good parenting... doesn't make you a good parent. And that's one of the many reasons I don't have kids of my own.

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Otter

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Shout, cajole, tease, scare. My parents did not understand that they were supposed to model preferred behaviour, that they were supposed to cultivate sound mental health and self esteem in their children. They tried to use negativity to force the behaviour they wanted. I hear my neighbour downstairs doing the same to her child daily. Having spent my life working with youth I know that patience, nurture, empathy and continued education are paramount in raising healthy children into well adjusted adults. And you never, ever yell at a child. People who allow themselves to get excited like that lose control, say vile and frightening things, and can intimidate and progress to physical violence.

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Lullabybecca

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Praise one child more than the other.
I remember being younger (like 10) and my grandmother, who lived with us and helped raise us, saw a project on the kitchen table. She thought it was my sister's and praised her for such a good job. But then she found out it was actually mine, all she said was "oh". I asked her why she said that and she responded with "you always get good grades, not your sister", made me become an underachievier, what was the point right? So now I have 3 kids of my own and I make sure to recognize their hard work every time, even if it's the 4th A that year they received. I never make them feel like they didn't work hard for the grade the received.

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9points

Amanda Doy

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Let your kids be who they are, accept and support them.

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Stargate

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Never leave your child with someone when they weren't expecting this just so you can go party.

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7points

Celia McReynolds Tinsley

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So many things.
1. Do not hit your kids - If you as a grown up hit another adult, you'd be charged with assault. But somehow grown ups think that it's OK to hit a child that cannot defend itself. My siblings and I were battered and have some pretty severe issues because of it.
2. Do not shame your children over what they eat. Mum had major food issues, so if she saw us eating something remotely unhealthy were were shamed, this led to us eating in secret.
3. Celebrate the successes and failures.

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7points

oldandexhausted79

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In the family I grew up in, emotions were devalued. Unless you were happy or angry, it was not OK to express feelings - and it was CERTAINLY not OK to talk about feeling sad, being frustrated, doubting yourself, having fears, or any other "negative" feelings.

My wife and I worked hard, both together and individually, to be more emotionally aware and available, partially in preparation for becoming parents. It was often difficult, sometimes embarrassing, and frequently awkward. But it has been worth it.

Today we have a 19-year-old daughter who actually talks to us about her feelings - when we encourage her to do so. She's not always forthcoming, and sometimes we have to drag things out of her. But she WILL talk to us, and even tells us things we we won't like sometimes. All because we are emotionally available and have worked on our emotional vocabulary and communications.

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LakeMonster

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Yelling/lecturing them. I stopped listening 10 seconds in when I was yelled at or lectured. I see my all of my kids eyes glazing over about 10 seconds in to getting a lecture from their dad. I just don't do it bc I know they're not listening and probably cursing at you in their head. (That's what I used to do). Instead, I talk it out with them for as long as they can focus (usually a minute or two above their age. My six year old can sit for 8 minutes talking through it). It teaches them that they can talk to me about anything without getting a lecture, and healthy communication where we really listen to each other.

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7points

Christina T

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My mom would punish me for talking back by making me eat something healthy for dinner that I hated. Her logic was "if I don't like what's coming out of your mouth, you won't like what goes in." To this day I still associate healthy food with being punished.

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6points

LynnCaster

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Give your kids names which will lead to bullying or other issues. I (boy) was "blessed" with a name which (where I grew up) was mostly a girl's name, which caused no end of embarrasment and confusion. Wish I'd legally changed it as soon as I could now... (Of course it's impossible to know whether a particular name might suddenly become problematic in the future - "Karen" comes to mind - but there's not a lot anyone can do about that).

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5points

oktopus

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KellyO

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as a Kelly, i agree wholeheartedly.

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I learned not to not say “thank you”. My sons do so much for me and I always make it a point to say thank you and how much I appreciate them even if they don’t think I do. Grew up with a “you owe me this, why would I thank you” mom.

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Rubyjune45

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To not not hug your child. I was not hugged or told I was loved. I always make a point to hug my children when allowed, and to tell and show them that I love them.

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5points

The Mom

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I've always loved with my mother only. My dad only came at weekends. I was a very quiet person in school and my mom was like my best friend. She still is. I was one of the best students in my class when I was young. As I grew older I shifted to above average. Each time I was terrified to bring home my marks. I've wondered about just not going home many days. I hated my mom during those times. She made me feel worthless for scoring 89 out of 100. Now she is a lot better even though I still feel my marks hold more weight with my parents than me as a person.

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4points

Artsy Bookworm

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Linda Lee

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2 years ago

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I once read a note written to the parents from their teen daughter saying she was pregnant and running off to another country to be with her boyfriend who sold drugs all over the world, on and on. The last paragraph said that none of that was true but she was afraid to tell them she failed some math test in school. All about prospective.

0

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To always try to give comfort to them. Like when they are scared at night, when they just have a bad day or when they even don't know whats wrong. I have spend so many nights and times alone and being so scared to go to my parents. They weren't bad parents, just busy with their own lifes I guess. Also I will never make my son feel like he is to much or different from other childeren even with his diagnoses and that he is good as he is. I want them to trust me and that they know that I will always be there for them when they need me. I miss that with my parents.

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4points

Gabrielle Daylano

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thee1nonlykRiS

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I never realized such thing as generational curses until I'm my 30's. I have 3 kids & I find myself wanting to be different in ways I needed them to be growing up. Like u mine weren't bad parents at all we are very close too! I just want to be everything I wish I had growing up & my babies to never feel the need to question anything.

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Another thing my parents taught me is to NEVER drink alcohol. My mom was drunk while crossing the street and was hit by a car. She has a permanent brain injury and lives in this mansion called "The Howard House". after her accident, she was in the hospital for 3 months and lived with us for two years before moving to The Howard House. My dad was drinking during that time and my brother and I weren't very well supervised. I would often sneak on the computer at night while my dad was depressed and couldn't bring himself to stop me. If I knew what had been happening with him, I would have never taken advantage of him like that. I would steal food and he would give me almost anything I asked for. We started running out of money because my dad was unemployed and my mom couldn't get a job. My uncle Jim was an alcoholic and was occasionally homeless. He fell down and crashed his car a lot. died from cirrhosis, and my dad got even more depressed. In the summer of 2018, I moved in with my aunt and uncle, and my mom went to The Howard House. Due to my dad's record of reckless driving, he was unable to drive my brother and me for two years. He has a job now and is doing very well, except now he has type 1 diabetes. I am doing well, too, and so is my mother.

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Sooploosh MacSchnibble

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ObsidianAce_

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Drinking safely is ok, but to this extent absolutely not. My dad was addicted and lost custody, and one day at his apartment (it was my day with him, he was divorced without full custody) he started having hallucinations because he cut all alcohol very suddenly, after drinking exorbitant amounts almost every day for years. After that, alcohol automatically meant danger for me. I was 8. Shortly after that event, and my mom had explained what happened, I was at my grandparents’ house and my popop had a glass of the same run my dad always drank. I freaked out, called my mom in a panic because I thought he would start hallucinating too. Thankfully my mom worked to break down this association, and it only makes me a little nervous when I smell alcohol on someone’s breath.

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Well, my parents gave birth to me, which clearly taught me not to have kids 😂

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3points

Inflatablelover

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When I was 16 months old my father shook and yelled at me for something I did hours earlier and had already gotten in trouble for. My mom left him, then found out she had cancer. Well while she's in the hospital in isolation, I'm staying with my uncle and his wife and my 2 cousins. My uncle asked my mom to sign over temporary custody so he could get me insurance and take me to doctors appointments, well my mom didn't like that AT ALL. Well that time passes, move on to I'm maybe 8 my mom tells me that my aunt and uncle had locked me in a room, and that I was too much to handle. Basically lying to me, making me think my uncle was the horrible person. So I grew up never trusting or liking my uncle. Of course my mom told me all these stories of him being a s**t person. Well over time my mother would leave me home alone for her to go to the bars to meet a man. Date him for like 2 weeks and let him move in...yeah the keepers she attracted...and she dated a rapist, her only, a meth head, a drunk, and married someone who was our old neighbor and had been friends with his GF at the time. He had a gambling problem and just as soon as they got married he tried to be my 'dad' and tell me what to do. I was 15 and had been raising and taking care of myself and my mother since I was 10, so I wasn't having that, well mother of the year tried to step in and actually be a parent, well as soon as I hit 17 I moved out. True I moved to another toxic situation, and a whole lot of b******t, but I still have issues with my mother being a narcissist, lier, mentally underdeveloped, never thinking about what she says, hurtful and just all around s**t parent. I have made sure I protected my children. I left their abusive father when my baby girl was 18 months and have been with the same Wonderful man since then, she's 9. And I made sure to never fight with their father in front of them, talk bad about him, or do anything that could hurt them. I make sure they go to therapy just as it is worth it for everyone to go, no matter what. And I actually have a relationship with my uncle who is an amazing guy who I really wish I had spent more time with as a kid. Hell I know if I had been raised by them, my life and my future would have been 10×'s better. But all I know now is I'm going to protect and take care of my kids without putting my issues and heath problems on them.

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Lydia Owen the Bi-tch

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Have a favorite and spoil them. My brother was obviously the favorite, and was tremendously spoiled. Grew up, never had a job, steals from my elderly parents and treats them like s**t. I hate him. He’s a piece of garbage. He’s almost 40, spoiled and entitled, unemployed, and he just sucks.

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Aubrie Allen

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KimB

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Or stop at one kid then you can spoil them without guilt :)

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I learned how difficult it is to raise difficult children. In fact, the 4 of us heard "Wait 'til you have kids of your own!" so much and we were so naughty, none of us have any kids. Youngest is now 56.

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marianne eliza

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Be a parent not a friend. My mom was my best friend, I was able to tell her everything I did (tried drugs, drank alcohol, had sex) without fear of punishment or even being lectured. She had a very miserable, strict upbringing with no freedom. Wanting to make her kids happy, we had no rules. I lost my virginity young, started drinking at 14, was allowed to move in with my boyfriend at 16 and by 22 I was an addict/alcoholic. I'm not blaming her for my choices at all, I've been clean and sober for almost 3 years now (thank God) but I can't help but wonder how differently things could have gone if she told me "no" once in my life.

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3points

Mary Dewitt

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I learned a pretty painful lesson from my own father about how not to treat your kid. Be there for them, appreciate them for what they are and don't just walk out on them because you're selfish.

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2points

Peej Maybe

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Money doesn't buy love or forgiveness. You actually have to take the time to listen and respect

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Rhea

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When I was learning to walk, I'd stand on my tip-toes and sometimes dragged my feet. My mom thought it was adorable and never stopped me. I'm 14 and still do it to this day occasionally.

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Sooploosh MacSchnibble

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First thing I'll say is I don't have kids, but I've taken away two major things from them.
One: my parents wanted "normal" children, I learned very early on that meant don't cause problems, don't act out, don't show big emotions, don't express yourself. As an adult, I have no idea how to express myself properly, I react to things the wrong way and my emotions are hard to control, all because as a kid I was told to "cut that out" anytime I wasn't quiet. Let your kids be kids, let them find their personality, let them show you who they are.
Two: I'm well aware I was an accident, my mom didn't know my dad very well before marrying him and only kept me because my grandparents wanted grand babies and my dad wanted kids. Don't get married just because there's a child involved, we not only can feel the resentment you have towards us for forcing you off path, but we see two people who shouldn't have been together be miserable for life, watch their interactions and assume this is how relationships are. It's hard to break a pattern you didn't know existed. You set the exame, remember that.

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LynzCatastrophe

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Not to talk about "family secrets" in front of kids. My family talked about the biological fathers of 3 of my cousins that were not the fathers raising them. This was done often in front of me, (I must have been invisible). It was so openly talked about in front of me that I did not realize they were secrets and just assumed everyone knew. Apparently I was wrong. Years later I was talking to my cousins and I asked them about it. Everybody was shocked. A few of my Aunts were furious, cousins were upset and everybody wanted to know how I knew about it. They all denied talking about it in front of me, which was kind of stupid because how else would I have know. You would think that I would have learned with the first cousin but no I did with all 3. I was very young and it never seemed like a big deal to me but it was definitely a huge deal to everyone else involved.

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Jeanine Gustafson

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Don’t hit them, or use any kind of physical punishment.
The physical & emotional abuse I suffered growing up scarred me for life.

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Christine M Quigley

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Be patient, never discipline while angry, remember that as they grow up your parenting method needs to change, and never ever brush off a mental health issue or tell them you think it's for attention.

Also don't make yourself a pinnacle of parenting, and always admit your mistakes and make changes.

And never ever tell your child "I prefer people your skin color/figure, etc. I literally am suspicious about being sexually harassed because of that comment my dad made as well as others.

(You can definitely say "you look like your mother/father did when they were younger/when I met them.)

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2points

Mochi

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Mochi (Submission author)

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And give them space

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Don’t deny them dinner. Growing up in Scandinavia, life was harsh.

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2points

MikiTheUnregisteredZoologist

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Double standard same rules for boy or girl or what ever gender you may identify as but growing up my brother who was younger got to stay out late and go and do as he pleases because he was a boy and could not get pregnant but I was under lock and key because I could possibly get pregnant as a teen. I don’t und
We stand the logic he could have gotten a girl pregnant and he would have been 100% his fault and responsible but because he wouldn’t have to walk around with the prof under his shirt he got to do whatever and I got locked away it was horrible. But my kids get equal treatment across the board. And if I don’t have enough for all no one gets one lol.

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Shawna Hammond

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Dacă nu pierdeam, câștigam

Dacă nu pierdeam, câștigam

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2 years ago

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It's not the same. If a boy gets a girl pregnant, he can leave her. He can only be forced into fatherhood if the girl/ her parents sue and win child support. I don't know about other places, but here, the amount of money a father has to pay depends on his income and wealth. Even then, he has to pay little money compared to what a mother or an involved father(with the same income) would spend on their kid. He doesn't have to be pregnant, give birth or do childcare if he doesn't want to. That means he can continue studying and working on a career, even if he doesn't leave the mother. A girl will have to put the child first, for at least a few years, or fu.ck up her body for months if she decides on abortion/adoption

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i don't beat my kids with a 2" wide belt until blood droplets appear on their thighs. i don't hit my kids at all - never did.

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WoodenLion

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Take your child’s side over the step parent. Stand hook for your child

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Patti

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Patti (Submission author)

Patti

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2 years ago

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Stand up for your child

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