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30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh I went to the coffee shop the other day, and the lady behind the counter asked me what I wanted. I said "Give me your mildest roast".

She looked at me for a moment and said "You have the most average ears".

TonySPhillips , Jenn Turner Report

Final score:

186points

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

SO GOOD!!!!

23points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What do you call a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? ‎

I don't know either, but they're awake all night wondering if there is a dog

give_me_two , Tony Alter Report

Final score:

172points

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Lord Mysticlaw 2 years ago

The answer to "is there a dog" should ALWAYS be "yes"

41points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh God spoke to John and said, "Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life."

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

Grond21 , Neil Drumm Report

Final score:

171points

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Kate Wooding 2 years ago

to be fair... toast.

36points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh I keep confusing the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza", and now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

MoltenVoid , Tom Chapman Report

Final score:

165points

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Buren 2 years ago

At least you get your jacuzzi with yakuza

23points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Don't know if that will translate into English lol

Do you have anything to drink? - I have water. -Do you have anything harder? -Ice

AlfieBilly , Arthur Quicho Report

Final score:

156points

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Destiney Haddox 2 years ago

It translates perfectly for me. We say "hard" or "harder" when we're talking about alcohol so I got it right away. 👍

56points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

GBBanditt , matt Report

Final score:

142points

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Sky Render 2 years ago

Two fish swam into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

70points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "what's a steering wheel doing in your pants?" And the pirate says "It's driving me nuts!"

sh4w5h4nk , Ryan Ruppe Report

Final score:

138points

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Terilee Bruyere 2 years ago

I heard that in a piratey (ish?) accent XD

32points

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Do you know what is the opposite of lady fingers?

mentos

Muhammad_Ali_00 , Nelo Hotsuma Report

Final score:

130points

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Terilee Bruyere 2 years ago

I'm a bit ashamed at how long it took me to get this one.

39points

#10

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh i told my girlfriend she draws her eyebrows on too high. she looked surprised.

mspote , bigredpenguin Report

Final score:

128points

POST

Vicky Z 2 years ago

Comments about my appearance is where i draw a line

40points

#11

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh A man walks into a zoo.

There's only one dog in it.

It's a shih tzu.

harperhobbit , angela n. Report

Final score:

117points

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R Carson 2 years ago

Sure is.

16points

#12

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

ColeslawProd , Steven Miller Report

Final score:

113points

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Mazer 2 years ago

Midvale School for the Gifted!! For those unfamiliar, there was a really popular comic artist named Gary Larson. He created comics about many things and called it The Far Side. JUST GOOGLE Midvale School for the Gifted I miss his work and that of the creator of Calvin and Hobbes

1point

AshleySchaefferWoo , marc falardeau Report

#13

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Final score:

105points

POST

𝖊𝖆 2 years ago

Ah I love anti-jokes! “What’s green and has wheels?” - “grass, I lied about the wheels”

48points

Medical_Spy , Donna Nicholson Arnott Report

#14

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh My favorite joke of all time in the history of forever.

What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener.

Final score:

102points

POST

Softball05 2 years ago

Very punny

7points

#15

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh My ex-wife still misses me

But her aim is getting better

JirenDeGray , Gareth Williams Report

Final score:

100points

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RandomX123 2 years ago

"You see it's funny because marriage is terrible" - Grunkle Stan

58points

#16

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh I dont trust Elevators.

I am taking steps to avoid them.

Nimar_Jenkins , felizfeliz Report

Final score:

92points

POST

Ranax 2 years ago

Yes, elevators do often let you down.

51points

#17

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Why did the old man fall down into the well? Cuz he couldn't see that well.

Abdul_Exhaust , Steve Baker Report

Final score:

92points

POST

Dylan Bess 2 years ago

Well well well

29points

#18

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back.

A stick.

RightZeros , richie graham Report

Final score:

88points

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BananaJo 2 years ago

I mean if you have a dog…

19points

SemifuncationalKoala , allen watkin Report

#19

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Final score:

83points

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wickbits 2 years ago

I learned this joke from a 4 year old and I tell it every chance I get.

4points

#20

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What happened when Batman and Robin got run over by a steamroller?

They became Flatman and Ribbon.

MisterBigDude , allen watkin Report

Final score:

83points

POST

Iván Galarraga 2 years ago

57b1e1d7e3...f-jpeg.jpg

13points

#21

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What’s the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? The Rolling Stones say “Hey you, get off of my cloud” and a Scotsman says “Hey Mcloud, get off of my ewe.”

haynesholiday , Kevin Gessner Report

Final score:

72points

POST

R Carson 2 years ago

eeeewww

20points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#22

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh A priest, a nun, a rabbi, a doctor, and a lawyer all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, what is this, a joke?"

HawaiianShirtsOR , Joe Goldberg Report

Final score:

71points

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John Smith 2 years ago

A priest, a nun, a rabbit, a doctor, and a lawyer all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what you doing here", the rabbit replies, "I think I am a typo"

80points

#23

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Where did the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

omglookawhale , Audrey Report

Final score:

70points

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Karynne Williams 2 years ago

This has been one of my all time favorite jokes since I was a kid. Right up there what is green and sings? Elvis Parsley!

30points

#24

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh Prints.

Urbloodmyblade , Gage Skidmore Report

Final score:

64points

POST

Antz Online 2 years ago

Lol, I loved that show

16points

#25

What do you call a fish with eight eyes? Fiiiiiiiish

Seagrove Report

Final score:

63points

POST

Sky Render 2 years ago

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!

33points

#26

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and poorly dressed one on a bicycle?

Attire (a tire)

BosstownCs , Dmitry Djouce Report

Final score:

61points

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Les Izmore 2 years ago

Attire and attire

6points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#27

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Why do ducks have feathers? To hide their buttquacks

Oldbayisthes**t , steve p2008 Report

Final score:

61points

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iffypedia 2 years ago

love it

8points

MonkeyChoker80 , bigdrumthump.com Report

#28

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Two drums and cymbals fell off a cliff.

Bah dum tish!

Final score:

60points

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Auntriarch 2 years ago

Snort-laugh!

9points

#29

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Why do sharks swim in saltwater?

Pepperwater makes them sneeze.

jnizzforizz , Andrew Kuchling Report

Final score:

59points

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ZAPanda 2 years ago

What do you call it when you put too much salt on your food? Assault.

14points

#30

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? Dam.

Hamlindigo_Blue , Emil . Report

Final score:

52points

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Mary Rose Kent 2 years ago

Dam’s response: There’s something fishy going on behind my back.

21points

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#31

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Why did the man at the can crushing factory quit?

Because it was soda pressing!

Lysander-The-Spear , jon jordan Report

Final score:

26points

POST

𝔻𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕦𝕔𝕜 2 years ago

It sure would crush your spirits as well!

7points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

#32

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Where does a bee go to use the bathroom?

To the BP station.

kendalltristan , Axel Rouvin Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Pezor Zass 2 years ago

wow, i literally haven't heard that joke in 40 years

6points

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#33

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What's a cowboys favorite car? Many people say it's a bronco, but it's actually an Audi, pardner

Kandraa , crash71100 Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Russell Ellwardt 2 years ago

LOL - that photo was taken in my city, according to the number plate on the car.

8points

BluntyMcbluntblunt Report

#34

How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meet Patty

Final score:

22points

POST

Scagsy 2 years ago

Took my naked girlfriend to a fancy dress party once. 'What have you come as?' inquired the host. 'A tortoise', I replied, 'This is Michelle'.

5points

#35

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes Sean Connery.

StudsMulecock , lisaclarke Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Timmy Pillinger 2 years ago

Push: Sean Connerys cat

4points

#36

what kind of flowers grow under your nose?

Tulips

its_juliahh Report

Final score:

18points

POST

స్టీఫెన్ ఆండ్రూ 2 years ago

This requires mispronunciation of the name of the flower.

6points

boobookittyfu*k28 , Real Buried Treasure Report

#37

I sold my soul to the devil for a sandwich and a bag of crisps.

It was a pact lunch.

paigezero Report

Final score:

13points

POST

#38

30 People In This Online Group Reveal Their Best Jokes That Hardly Ever Fail To Make Others Laugh What kind of overalls do Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim Denim Denim

Final score:

9points

POST

My O My 2 years ago

I need help with this one

9points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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Konstancija is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She has a bachelor’s degree in Translation and Interpreting and a master’s degree in Future Media and Journalism. She is very interested in sustainable fashion and is a perfect companion to go to second-hand shops and antiques for nearly anything: clothes, books or furniture. Her interests also include photography, literature and hiking.

Read less »

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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What do you think ?

POST

Chicken Nugget 2 years ago

What's green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table. What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper. What else is black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it. What's the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear. Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Not Sally.

11points

Zaza 2 years ago

What is an elephant in a tree? One less on the ground. What is 2 elephants in a tree? One extra in the tree. What is 6 elephants in a tree? Very strong tree

7points

Chich 2 years ago

Just finsihed writing my book on penquins. Took a long time. Think I might use paper next time.

10points

Piet Puk 2 years ago

What's brown an sticky? A stick.

8points

Zaza 2 years ago

What's blue and not heavy? Light blue

11points

Iggy 2 years ago

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? It depends. Does the light bulb really want to change?

6points

Chich 2 years ago

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Its an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

5points

SeaMonster 2 years ago

what do you call a pair of tights that's too big? looses. what do you call someone who knows everything about food? omnomnomniscient. what do you use to impale and grill a french philosophe? a monteskewer.

5points

Peppermallow 2 years ago

You shouldn’t eat candles. They have a waxative effect

5points

Iggy 2 years ago

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear? Anything you like. He can't hear you.

5points

Bobert Robertson 2 years ago

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

4points

Gary Watson 2 years ago

Why are giraffes necks so long? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies

4points

John Smith 2 years ago

nah it is because they have smelly feet.

2points

Iggy 2 years ago

How do you know there's an elephant in your bed? There's an E on his pyjamas.

3points

OhForSmegSake 2 years ago

How do you know there's an elephant under your bed? Your nose touches the ceiling.

2points

Higgleton 2 years ago

What's Beethoven's favourite fruit? BA-NAH-NAH-NAH!

2points

memyselfandI 2 years ago

What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet? Supplies!

1point

Joann Casey 2 years ago

Q) How do you get two whales in a Mini A) on the M4 - (to Wales the country, on the M4 motorway)

1point

mcborge1 2 years ago (edited)

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic bank robber.. He gave the teller a note that read Hold it mothersticker this is a f**k up!

1point

Iggy 2 years ago

A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!". It was a crow bar.

1point

zak 2 years ago

What kind of witch lives at the beach? A sandwich.

1point

Zaza 2 years ago

Noooooooo! It's the end of the unshortened list, no link to click for more jokes :(

1point

Stein-Inge Kummeneje 2 years ago

How come almost every single american/english joke is some sort of pun or wordplay? It's not the case in other countries, and it's annoying, cause it makes them untranslatable.

0points

Kathleen Pearlman 2 years ago

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. Ouch!

0points

Abby Parker 2 years ago (edited)

What is the largest bird of prey? A nun!

0points

Sky Render 2 years ago

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

0points

ilikeplants 2 years ago

Did you know that, on average, people sleep with 3 coverings on them at night? But that's just a blanket statement.

0points

Agnes Jekyll 2 years ago

LOVE IT!!

0points

TomCat 2 years ago

My favorite joke that I made up and the first person I told it to was my boss, at the time. Knock knock Who's there? Eff (but the real word) Eff who? Eff you!

0points

Iggy 2 years ago

Please try remember it, Zaza! I really want to hear it!

0points

Jayne Kyra 2 years ago

I am SO going to try some (especially the wordplay ones) on my students!

0points

Daniel Atkins 2 years ago

Knock Knock, Who's there? Control Freak now this is the part where you say control freak who.

0points

Poultry Geist 2 years ago

What’s worse than ants in your pants ? ?? Uncles !

0points

ZAPanda 2 years ago

ooooooooooooo ding ding nsfw joke

0points

POST

Chicken Nugget 2 years ago

11points

Zaza 2 years ago

What is an elephant in a tree? One less on the ground. What is 2 elephants in a tree? One extra in the tree. What is 6 elephants in a tree? Very strong tree

7points

Chich 2 years ago

Just finsihed writing my book on penquins. Took a long time. Think I might use paper next time.

10points

Piet Puk 2 years ago

What's brown an sticky? A stick.

8points

Zaza 2 years ago

What's blue and not heavy? Light blue

11points

Iggy 2 years ago

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? It depends. Does the light bulb really want to change?

6points

Chich 2 years ago

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Its an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

5points

SeaMonster 2 years ago

5points

Peppermallow 2 years ago

You shouldn’t eat candles. They have a waxative effect

5points

Iggy 2 years ago

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear? Anything you like. He can't hear you.

5points

Bobert Robertson 2 years ago

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

4points

Gary Watson 2 years ago

Why are giraffes necks so long? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies

4points

John Smith 2 years ago

nah it is because they have smelly feet.

2points

Iggy 2 years ago

How do you know there's an elephant in your bed? There's an E on his pyjamas.

3points

OhForSmegSake 2 years ago

How do you know there's an elephant under your bed? Your nose touches the ceiling.

2points

Higgleton 2 years ago

What's Beethoven's favourite fruit? BA-NAH-NAH-NAH!

2points

memyselfandI 2 years ago

What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet? Supplies!

1point

Joann Casey 2 years ago

Q) How do you get two whales in a Mini A) on the M4 - (to Wales the country, on the M4 motorway)

1point

mcborge1 2 years ago (edited)

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic bank robber.. He gave the teller a note that read Hold it mothersticker this is a f**k up!

1point

Iggy 2 years ago

A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!". It was a crow bar.

1point

zak 2 years ago

What kind of witch lives at the beach? A sandwich.

1point

Zaza 2 years ago

Noooooooo! It's the end of the unshortened list, no link to click for more jokes :(

1point

Stein-Inge Kummeneje 2 years ago

How come almost every single american/english joke is some sort of pun or wordplay? It's not the case in other countries, and it's annoying, cause it makes them untranslatable.

0points

Kathleen Pearlman 2 years ago

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. Ouch!

0points

Abby Parker 2 years ago (edited)

What is the largest bird of prey? A nun!

0points

Sky Render 2 years ago

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

0points

ilikeplants 2 years ago

Did you know that, on average, people sleep with 3 coverings on them at night? But that's just a blanket statement.

0points

Agnes Jekyll 2 years ago

LOVE IT!!

0points

TomCat 2 years ago

My favorite joke that I made up and the first person I told it to was my boss, at the time. Knock knock Who's there? Eff (but the real word) Eff who? Eff you!

0points

Iggy 2 years ago

Please try remember it, Zaza! I really want to hear it!

0points

Jayne Kyra 2 years ago

I am SO going to try some (especially the wordplay ones) on my students!

0points

Daniel Atkins 2 years ago

Knock Knock, Who's there? Control Freak now this is the part where you say control freak who.

0points

Poultry Geist 2 years ago

What’s worse than ants in your pants ? ?? Uncles !

0points

ZAPanda 2 years ago

ooooooooooooo ding ding nsfw joke

0points