the burn was on me....i was telling my nine year old niece how her grandfather said that if you want to look good, then hang out with ugly people. with out missing a beat she said 'so who did you make look good'.

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Lisa Onitnelot

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Pineapple

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1 year ago

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then the gta wasted screen apears

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My mom was going on about me living in sin (living together before marriage) and I told her that I was born as a bastard so she didn't really have room to talk. We actually have a great relationship but my aunt was surprised by this exchange.

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actaeon cross

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A Bobcat From Philly

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1 year ago (edited)

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My Mom called me a "son of a b***h." And I told her to "think about what you just said." When it hit her, she was a bit pissed! LOL! (Mom & I got on awesomely!)

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My ex-husband cheated on me alot while we married. Once we were divorced I started dating. Of course, it's takes a few tries to find the right one. He made a remark about me dating. I said, "Unlike you, I didn't date until I married."

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Display_Name

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Display_Name (Submission author)

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1 year ago

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I'm a little exhausted. The line was "Unlike you, I didn't date while I was married."

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Idiot manager at a factory I used to work at:
" there's no I in team"
" But there is U in C*nt!!!"

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K- THULU

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Average Chicago Sports fan

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1 year ago

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DAMN. The manager needs some ice for their burn. However this will probably get you fired but still that’s absolutely savage.

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The classic”Fck you”

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DP(READ BIO UPDATED AGAIN)

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DP 2(DP The Magical Unicorn) (Submission author)

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1 year ago

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I say this cuz I don’t actually remember my sickest burn.

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f*****g w***e! To which I replied, even pro*****tes have a level below which they will not go, like you and I wouldn't let you even if you paid. However, it led to a situation where a friendly unknown man defended me so that I didn't get beaten up.

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LillieMean

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To some boys giving me s**t:
“Huh? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over me not caring.”

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and_a_touch_of_the_’tism

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Animal lover xoxo

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1 year ago

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I love this

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For the entitled ones: "I just got word from NASA. It's official, the world doesn't revolve around you"...

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David Furritus

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A Bobcat From Philly

A Bobcat From Philly

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1 year ago (edited)

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You assume the world revolves around you, which is total b******t. We all know the world revolves around the sun... which of course, shines out of my a*s.

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I was in class with other kids with learning disabilities. There was a bratty kid that would refuse to do anything and argued with the teachers nonstop.

One day I had finished all my work at home and had nothing to do, so I was allowed to play my Nintendo DS at my desk. He starts yelling, "why does she get to mess around with whatever she wants and I have to do f***ING math!!!!". So I, the quietest kid in class, stood up and said, "I have the decency to do all my work before class instead of failing in life. What's your excuse?". The whole room cheered including the teachers. He shut up the rest of class.

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Sarcastic and Proud

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Background: A student in my band class had been acting up, and the teacher was lecturing him about it. It went like this:

Teacher: Is that behavior [talking during class and derailing the whole section] expected, or unexpected?

Student: Unexpected.

Teacher: And is it unexpected or expected if you misbehave?

Me, whispering to my friend: For him? Expected.

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QueerAxolotls

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crowspectre (he/they)

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1 year ago

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Honestly giving me vibes

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Are we counting the sick burns that we dished out four hours after the initial argument, whilst ruminating into the small hours of the morning? Cos I've got some epic ones of those!

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The_Nicest_Misanthrope

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16-year-old me and my boyfriend at the time, driving him to our work:

Him: “I don’t know. I just wish you’d play more hard to get.”
Me: (stopping the car) “How’s this for hard to get. Get the f out of my car.”

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ExistentialSoup

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I once told my friend that a goldfish with alzheimers has better memory than her (after she forgot about a big assignment that was due the next day)

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Stardust she/her

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Average Chicago Sports fan

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1 year ago

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OUCH. That’s freaking savage though.

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Not me but one of my friends. This is in 10th grade.
We were in first period health class and we are doing presentations on the food groups from MyPlate and this very brilliant but rather annoying and also kinda a jerk who was embarrassed for his receding hairline. Let’s call him Albert. Albert says he has to do his presentation on vegetables and usually my friend is quiet and soft spoken but out of the blue and says and I quote “So you’re writing about you” and suddenly the whole class erupts in laughter and I say OHHHHHH and then Albert has his smug smile wiped off his face and doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes or so. I high five my friend complimenting him on the roast. Best first PERIOD EVER.

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Average Chicago sports fan

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This one kid kept saying “F U” to me. So after a little while I got tired of it and said “You wish.” :)
If they were a close friend, I would have said “Okay.” Just to see the look of horror on their face

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Unnamed Hooman

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Mickysixxx

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1 year ago

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I'm a fan of "You suck!" "Only if you ask nicely" lol

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OH I already posted one but I have a REALLY good one!

There was this one teacher that nobody liked. Not one person. She would yell and scream and even gaslight.
One afternoon, she pulled together the class and said “We are like one big family.” I turned to my friend and whispered “A family with mommy issues…”

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Unnamed Hooman

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reverse

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jordan (pineapple he/she)

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crowspectre (he/they)

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1 year ago

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Uno reverse card ftw

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Nothing too intense as I was a quiet kid. But in eighth grade one of the boys was bragging about winning Kahoot or something so I said “Shut up (boy’s name)”.

The class went a bit wild because I never actually spoke up against anyone before.
Unfortunately he and his friends gave me a harder time after, but the look on his face was kinda worth it :>

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Mysteria

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Ashen Brooks (They/Them)

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1 year ago

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this happened this year because I have Social Anxiety Disorder, a guy was being hella annoying and i said "can you just sit down (name)" and everyone was like "OOOOOOOOOOO"

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we were playing UNO last year in 6th grade and these guys were being a******s and one said "f*g" and I put down a reverse card. I kept that card, and whenever someone called me a f*g I would pull out the card. Even though that word shouldnt be used as an insult, it was still funny

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Robby (Ze/Zir)

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1. There’s this dude in my grade who’s known for saying some real out of pocket s**t. He approached me and asked how many pimples I had. I said “less than you.” It was kind of mean in hindsight and I feel bad but he took it well so

2. In my speech and debate class, I happened to overhear a conversation in which someone referred to Walmart as another kid’s home. Without missing a beat, I said “yeah, [kid] does look like they live in a walmart.” Jaws hit the floor.

3. In my math class, a dude held out a piece of string and a pair of solar eclipse glasses and asked which one I wanted. I said “both; it’s not like you could use them to measure your d**k.”

The latter two are also mean but those kids and I make fun of each other so much so

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Louieeeeee

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Some random dude that got rejected: "I'm going F*** your mom" or "well I F*** your mom last night"

Me: "That's statistically unlikely, but if makes you feel better to believe that go ahead."

I'm not gonna fight or have my husband fight over some fake a** pride. If dude wants to fantasize about my 72 year old mom, well power to him.

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Cthulhu Kitty

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A comedian once called me wanting me to run one of his social media humor pages and then suddenly changed the conversation into surprise unsolicited phone sex.

He suddenly starts moaning into the phone telling me to talk dirty to him so I responded with:

"Aim for the back of your throat."

He laughed and told me I was awful at this and was making this hard for him and I was like "Good. Stay soft. Byeeee!"

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Sarah E Cofer

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When I was younger, I asked someone to burn me. Their burn was so pathetic I don’t remember it. Now this person happens to have hair that they kind of neglect and is always a bit greasy, so I tell them, “Your hair is so greasy, it makes Snape look like somebody from a shampoo commercial!”

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Froggie

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My friends ex girlfriend (I never liked her and never hid the fact I didn't like her) came up to me at the bowling club and goes "Hey Mick, guess what?" Me "what" her "I had a baby! I bet you can't guess who the father is?" I go "ummm my mate?" She goes "Haha no of course not, it's the courtesy bus drivers" straight away I come back with "Didn't you have the gold coin donation?" Hahahahaha she left me be after that

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Mickysixxx

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