you don’t have to answered if you don’t want to, this is my first question so i don’t really know how this works, sorry if this is offensive in any way.

#1

A gal in her mid twenties was cutting my hair and we were visiting but she kept ignoring me half the time when I would say something. So in frustration I said “gosh, what are you, deaf? Then she proceeded to show me her hearing aides in the top drawer at her station. She was a newish friend and fortunately had a good sense of humor about it. I had no clue. She was young and beautiful and seemed to really listen to you when you spoke. I realized why she listened and looked at you when you spoke was to watch you lips as well as catch what sound she could.

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#2

When i was a kid, my brother asked me why “Oranges are called oranges but apples aren’t called reds?” and i said “Because Mars is round but Mars Bars are rectangle.” I thought i was so smart. Now i’m just concerned with my little brother’s mental health…

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#4

My mouth and my brain don't always agree with each other, so I tend to say the one thing while meaning something completely different. I once asked my son to put the dishes in the toilet. In my head I said "can you put your clothes in the basket?"

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#5

"Do I have hypochondria?"

"yes"

"AM I GOING TO BE OKAY!!"

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#6

I had a crush on a graduating senior I knew and I asked for one last photo with him. I looked at my bff who was with me and said “can you take it? My film has no camera”. My bff and I still laugh about it today.

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#7

“I don’t need instructions”

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#8

On an outdoors students festival, watching some people carrying a sign around the area: "Who the f**k is Tom Bola???"

In my defense, it was written like two words...

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#9

Not something I said but something I believed. Dumb me.

'If I study and work hard I will have a good happy life with a nice job'.

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#10

“COVID probably won’t last long.” Boy was I wrong.

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#11

I was changing the light bulbs in my car when the vice principal walked past and asked what I was doing. I said, changing the headlights as one was burnt out. She started to giggle and say, “That is why I have a husband.” I looked her dead in the face and said “That is why I know how to read a book.” My mouth can get me in trouble some times. I do have a partner who could change the lights but his hands are way too big as it is a compact car. I do most of my own maintenance on my cars because I do not like to feel like I am being taken advantage of. Felt like an idiot afterwards for saying that to my boss.

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#12

"Bite me" when asked if I would apologise to someone for calling them a rectal spelunker. Cost me the chance to meet my childhood idol in Manchester

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#13

OrAnGeS aRe SpIcY hAvE yOu EvEr SeEn A cRaB

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