Had a lady come to the ER about 3 times for dizziness and poor balance. Alcohol level about .230 or so each time but she refused to admit she had been drinking. Her husband went to bat for her, how she’d been sober for nine months. Neither would admit that she relapsed despite ample opportunity to come clean and not lose face. They stuck to the story that her body must be endogenously producing ethanol, because they read about it online. They demanded she be admitted for more tests.

I told them how great an idea that was. I told them how as an inpatient unable to get outside food and drink, we could keep her overnight and simply recheck her alcohol level in the morning. If her body was producing its own alcohol, of course it would go up. If she had been drinking surreptitiously and not have access to booze in the hospital, of course it would go down. Her husband thought that was a brilliant idea and I watched her face completely sink. Checkmate liar.

stillinbutout , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Lost Panda

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Based off the husband's reaction, I think he might have truly believed she was not drinking, not going to bat for her.

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Am doctor. But this is a Med school story.
During ER rotation i guy came in with a banana up his butt. It went in too far and he needed medical attention.
Swore up and down that he tripped, fell on the stairs and accidentally sat on the banana.
After we fished the banana out my attending at the time came over said to me “just before he accidentally fell onto the banana, a condom magically got in the way”.

-Opinionated- , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Cecilia Herrera

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At least he had the sense to wear a condom. No telling how powerful banana sperm can be. /s (sarcastic comment.)

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Performed an urgent biopsy on a woman who came to the ER for breast pain. She had an obvious cancer that was what we call a fungating mass which is basically an ulcerating tumor literally growing through the skin. It was large, occupying most of her breast.

Despite this mass (and pungent odor that it produced) she was adamant that there wasn’t anything concerning and she had only come to the ER due to pain. She ‘knew’ this couldn’t be cancer because she had been told so by a holistic practitioner. She almost refused to be have a biopsy performed.

Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt.

Live-AtTheTroubadour , Arina Krasnikova / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Nikole

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Holistic practitioner should have been sued, but I’m sure there was some contract he had her sign saying she realized it wasn’t medical advice or treatment. Perhaps snake oil might have worked though.

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The number of virgins that I have diagnosed with STIs and/or pregnancy is astounding.

cacapoopoopeepeshire , Polina Zimmerman / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Stannous Flouride

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Miraculous!

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NAD but my dad's friend shot himself through the hand with a stolen gun and panicked so he put a stick in the hole and went to ER. The doctor said it must have been a very fast stick to cauterize the wound on its way in.

samit2heck , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sara Frazer

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Hmmm....if you accidentally shoot your hand with a gun (actually, if you do so purposefully, too) that's a good sign you should not have a firearm 👍 ETA I'm in an American city with a very high gun-related crime rate, most of us wish no one had firearms 🫠

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Not a doctor... But my wife is in healthcare. It's weird when trans people won't tell their healthcare providers their actual sex. Like this isn't about pronouns, it's about knowing how to help you and give you the proper and effective doses of d***s. Like come on.

anon , Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Helena

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I can understand the reticence to disclose. But actual sex is disparaging. Think of it as letting your doc know which parts are factory originals and which are custom upgrades.

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I have a slightly related story, the patient did admit to me but had been lying to other doctors for years.

I was seeing a patient for follow up after a heart attack. This was the patients third heart attack and he had problems from blockages in all his arteries. He had already had a few strokes, stents in his legs, previous bypass from his first heart attack.

I felt a bit bad for the guy, from the medication list he brought in he was on really good medication which should be preventing these things. He had been on them for years and they had been updated and increased over that time. All of which he had records of and could explain. Seemed like a really engaged patient.

Right at the end of the consultation he just out of the blue goes, "I'm going to level with you doc, I don't take any of my pills, I don't think they help, I just tell everyone I take them, I've never taken them". So for years doctors have been increasing his pills and he had never been taking any of them. I just said "How's that working out for you".

yougivemeSVT , Kevin Bidwell / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Wonderful

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I have to take a lot of medication for various reasons and sometimes I'll be looking at the lil pile of pills as I'm about to take them and I get the urge to just dump them in the trash and go about my day like I took them. Then reality hits .37 seconds later and tells me to take my meds and stop being ridiculous. I guess it's like the urge to drive off a bridge or steer into traffic that some ppl get randomly.

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Before 9/11, I rotated through a Navy ID Clinic at a large medical center. A sailor popped HIV+ and told me that he must have contracted it by backing up onto a door knob while naked in the head on ship. Part of the work up was swabbing urethra, a**s, and throat. The sailor tested positive for GC on all three sites.
He denied any human sexual activity in 2/3 of those orifices, leading one to believe he abused that poor door knob in a ferocious manner.

AMostSoberFellow , Charlotte May / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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ManBlob

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They should install automatic sliding doors everywhere to prevent door knobs from molesting people.

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I worked for an abortion provider in the late 90s/early 2000s. I heard lots of crazy stories, but my favorite is this girl, maybe around 17, came in for a procedure. She was with her mom, and they both kept insisting to us that she was a virgin, even though the ultrasound let us know, she was about eight weeks pregnant. Finally, the girl says something like “Oh! I think I know what happened. One time when we were making out, he came on my leg. There was a fan in the room and the fan must have just blown it it inside of me!”.

NoWayRae , Darina Belonogova / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Stannous Flouride

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How Mary explained it to Joseph but with palm fronds.

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Not a doctor, but a nurse. When you come in to the hospital wanting to detox, and I ask you how much you drink, please stop lying to me. Withdrawal from alcohol is NASTY but I can make it a little more bearable. If it’s 2 bottles of vodka a day, TELL ME so I can medicate you accordingly. You’ll thank me later when you aren’t having a seizure.

anon , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Mayblater

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So much shame surrounding addiction. The stigma is so harmful and it needs to change.its easier to ask for help when there is empathy surrounding it instead of disdain. Obviously to medical personnel, it is not relevant but people live outside of hospitals and doctors’ offices. The hospital take on these things exists in a vacuum. Sometimes medical professionals even let that disdain show. We must make this better in our lifetimes.

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Woman came into the OB ER in labor. We asked her if she has had any prenatal checks and she says she went to all of them. Asked her if she did an ultrasound and she said yes but left the results at home. We proceeded with vaginal delivery since the baby was already crowning (head already at the opening of the vaginal canal) and once the baby was out, we proceeded with caring for the baby and preparing for the placenta to come out. I put my fingers inside and felt… a foot near the opening. Turns out she was having twins, and the 2nd one was breech (feet as the presenting part). Good thing we managed to deliver the 2nd one vaginally and there were no complications, but soon we found out that the mother lied about having any prenatal checks and ultrasound done. She didn’t even know she was having twins.

darcydidwhat , Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sara Frazer

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Man reading this reminds me that pregnancy sounds like such a fúcking nightmare 😅 and I say that as someone who birthed a child at 19 as a result of SA. And it was a relatively good pregnancy, and I raised my child for the first 5 years, but I still see them often and am involved in their interests. Not their fault they were born, and I'd never wish upon anyone the childhood I had. I'm a very mentally ill person. But it's been so long and I still feel the horror. All these pregnancy/birth stories give me heebie-jeebies. Don't have kids young/ at all/ if you're not in a good place/ if you're not 200% sure, y'all!!!

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I’m a hospital dietitian. One time I had a patient who always has very high blood sugar and needed tons of insulin to make it go down. This was a daily thing and several specialists even came in to consult to try to figure out why this person wasn’t responding to meds! After a few days a nurse caught the patient EATING CANDY from a bag they had stashed somewhere in the room. This m**********r laid in bed for days eating candy and said NOTHING while all of us were trying to control his glucose! 🤫😂.

ThymeLordess , Darya Grey_Owl / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Green Tree

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My mom in the hospital for diverticulitis so bad that she's gone septic and portions of her colon have to be removed. The doctors are all telling her she has to stop eating red meat. She literally argues with them and sends my brother out to get her cheeseburgers. Nuts!

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A person came in with issues with her v*gina; soreness, discomfort and discharge. During examination it turned out there was a small rolled up photograph of Cliff Richard stuck inside. She denied any knowledge of it and acted shocked, and even said “how could I m*sturbate with a photo?” completely unprompted. Kind of a pertinent question really haha. Still not sure of the thought process there.

Leptisci , ABC Television / wikimedia Report

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Tucker Cahooter

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She should have said she slipped and fell on it, just like the guys say happened with bananas etc

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One of my first on-call shifts as an Anesthesiology resident..a patient came to the OR in the middle of the night for incision and drainage of an abscess in his jaw. The case itself was uneventful but as we’re removing the endotracheal tube, he coughed up a fair amount of blood..not unexpected given the nature of the operation. Some of this blood managed to bypass my facial protective equipment and ended up in my eye (yes, it was disgusting).

In the recovery unit, I asked him all the relevant questions regarding IV d**g use, unprotected sexual activity, and transmissible infections. His response to all of those was, of course, a resounding NO. His bloodwork, however, told a different story when the results came back positive for Hepatitis C.

Suffice it to say, getting “Morgan Lensed” in the emergency department at 4am near the tail end of a 24hr call shift was the closest thing to Chinese waterboarding that I’ve ever had to endure. (For those of you who are wondering, I luckily did not contract Hep C after this incident.).

WhoDaSlon , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Feathered Dinosaur

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What a nightmare. I only pricked myself with a needle I had just used on a patient once, and she was an elderly lady without any blood borne diseases

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Nurse here. Had parents bring their 3 year old son to the emergency department for one month of abdominal pain that kept getting worse. I ask all the routine questions for this complaint, lots of questions about his poop....is it bloody? Diarrhea? Mucous? When was his last bowel movement? Any changes in the stool? They deny any other concerning symptoms but abdominal pain.

We do bloodwork, ultrasound, X-ray. Everything comes back completely normal but the kid is intermittently screaming in pain, curled in a ball.

Over the next 5 hours I continue to repeat the same questions, I asked repeatedly if there was anything else going on that they could think of....nope.

The kid just doesn’t seem well but we have no reason to keep him, we decide to watch him a little longer, let him eat. The kid eats a bunch, a PBJ, apple juice, crackers, popsicle, no pain so we decide to send them home.

I bring in the discharge paperwork and I’m about to start going over instructions and they dad goes “You know.....for the past 3 months he’s had A LOT of worms in his poop”

WORMS. F*****g worms. You spent 6+ hours denying worms. I literally just turned around and walked out of the room without saying a word. I was laughing almost to the point of tears. Could not wait to tell my resident. Deworming medications, a s**t load of wasted time, and they were on their way.

Itchy_Apple_3978 , Phil Nguyen / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sara Frazer

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"a shítload" 💀

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When I was an optician, we had a patient come in that was having trouble with dry eyes. That's okay, it happens. We asked several times if she wore contacts and she swore up and down she didn't (she got contacts from us, which is how we knew), so we went through as normal. Doctor took her back and what do you know, she's wearing contacts. Even after he took them out himself and showed her, she refused to acknowledge those were hers.


As she left she asked for a new contact rx.

kaybet , Ksenia Chernaya / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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David Morgan

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"These AREN'T your contacts? Oh s**t, I've just pulled your corneas off. You are going to go blind unless you have IMMEDIATE corrective surgery...unless there's any information you want to share that could help prevent it? No? OK then. Medic!"

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That they were never pregnant.

Had a case in residency where a woman came in with her family, swore her water broke at home, and she was going into labor. The nurse couldn't find heart times so low key freaking out, call for a bedside US to confirm an intrauterine demise (still birth) . Well, put the ultrasound probe on and there's no baby. Family all at the bedside asking, what's going on? And this lady still wouldn't say anything. We were all looking at each other in this silent stand off...

We just said, sorry there's no baby. And the family was all sorts of confused, what do you mean no baby? Like the baby is dead? She didn't say anything so we left the room and discharged her. Pretty sure we checked and she had a negative pregnancy test too.

tallychem , Vidal Balielo Jr. / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sara Frazer

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I-... I wonder what was the full story here, was this one of those women who just, fakes a pregnancy, for..what..??! Pity? Attention? Admiration? Gifts? Financial matters? To try and baby-trap someone? So, so odd.... people are weird, man

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Patient with specific eczema that to us looks clearly fillers related, swore to her life she had never had fillers done... Awkward silence when the pathologist could see the material they use in fillers under the microscope..

medicinexmed , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Kyra Heiker

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Well then, you have some foreign material here in your face so let's just cut it open and dig that out of there.

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My wife does obstetrics. She's had people deny they were sexually active when she can show them an ultrasound of a 15-week foetus.

AmigaBob , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Nikole

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Conservatives?

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This one is sad, from my old roommate.

Girl had a very large lump on her breast that she didn't tell the doctors about. She actually went to the hospital for migraines, saying they were getting increasingly bad. When they found the lump, they asked why she didn't say she had that.

She said she knew it was going to k*ll her eventually, but she just wanted to get rid of the migraines because they giving her a lot of pain in her last months.

amusedLocust4 , Keira Burton / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Louisa johnson

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Oh wow this one is really sad.

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I was a patient in the ER. Woman in the bed next to me could not understand why she was in the ER. The nurse finally said, "You're here because you broke into someone's car and OD'ed. The owner of the car saved your life" I heard the patient then exclaim "I was just really tired and needed a place to nap!"

Youasking , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sara Frazer

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😐 well, good on the owner of the vehicle helping this person, I hope all their future vehicles are left alone and wish them the goodest karma!

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There was a guy who came in for a broken bone who failed to tell the people caring for him that there was a Gatorade bottle stuck on his p*nis.

mom-whitebread , Erik Mclean / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Rahul Pawa

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I'm imagining he first got the bottle stuck. He knew he needed to go to the ER but wanted a better reason to say so he broke his arm on purpose. 🤣

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My wife is an ER doc and has hundreds of stories about people lying about things that are very obviously not true. Countless stories of people swearing they don't do d***s even though she's looking at their blood test results. Or criminals who were bitten by police dogs who were doing nothing wrong and can't understand why the dog would have bitten them.

But my favorite was the guy with a Frank's hot sauce bottle stuck up his butt. It was full of hot sauce. He told her that he had gotten out of the shower and was cutting across the kitchen to go get a towel. He slipped, knocked the bottle off the counter and landed on it. She said, "OK. Now tell me again what happened." She asked him to tell her the story four times and he stuck to it.

I guess their new slogan could be "I put that s**t IN everything."

mcdray2 , Jacob Evans / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Donna Peluda

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A lot of guy getting things stuck up the tunnel of darkness. Censor that BP

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Respiratory here- 50% of people won't admit they smoke. I can smell it on their clothes.

Fun_Organization3857 , Fandy Much / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Leoninus Fate

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or they live with heavy smokers.... just cause they have smoke on them doesn't mean they themselves do it

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One thing I noticed a LOT when I worked in allergy was patients lying about taking allergy pills.

First off, if you take an allergy pill before an appointment that's scheduled for allergen testing, CANCEL the appointment. We're testing up to 113 things at once. It takes a long time to set up, and you have to sit for the next 20 minutes and watch for a reaction. It's a colossal waste of time for everyone involved.

You can try and lie all you want, but we know. You think I'm going to set all that s**t up and not have a control? At least one of the sticks is a histamine. YOU WILL react to it. Unless you've taken an allergy pill. No reaction, the test is invalid.

And don't even think about pulling that s**t with your kids. You think I liked setting up all this, listening to the kid scream while they try and fight you off, then cry for the next 20 minutes, only for NOTHING.

It was probably an accident, and sometimes s**t happens. Don't keep the appointment, and if for some reason you do, don't lie about something as mundane as a zyrtec.

TheNonCredibleHulk , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Donna Peluda

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We have a yearly check at work..Blood Urine etc. This year I forgot and had breakfast. Had to cancel

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Had a guy come in complaining that he got something in his eyes while at work. Sat him down. Got the microscope. Looked and s**t was moving on the lashed. He had crabs of the eyelashes. Nasty. Told him to be more careful about what he was eating. Workman’s Comp denied. Lol.

anon , Vlad Maksudov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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ॐBoyGanesh

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“A case of eyelash lice is usually caused by ‘extended contact’ with someone who has pubic lice.” We can, at least, assume he’s not a selfish lover!

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Not me but my sister is a radiographer. Years ago when she was a student they had someone who came in with an apple stuck up his a**e. His story was that he was locked out of the house and while trying to break in through the kitchen window, he’d slipped and fell on the fruit bowl. It’s my absolute favourite story.

sarahc13289 , Darina Belonogova / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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E.V.

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A lot of men walking around naked and falling on fruits lol.

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Adimission H&P. Do you smoke? No. Did you smoke? Yes. When did you quit? When I came to the hospital.

osteopathetic1 , Sergei Bezborodov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Corvus

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"I am not addicted to (substance), I can quit any time... in fact, just yesterday I quit 15 times in a row!"

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Nurse, not doctor. Men still constantly lie about their height to us when we're trying to fill out their charts. Even to the male doctors and nurses! I'm pretty tall, so I can tell immediately when the person who's saying they're 5'11 is actually 5'8.

anon , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Leoninus Fate

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lol at this im proud of my hight at 7'4 but my husband is about 4'9 and he trys to say its a 5'0

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Woman in gynaecology who suddenly presented with chlamydia. Had been married to her husband for 15 years and never slept with anyone else. On tracing, Husband also tested positive and was plainly evasive. The woman asked where she could have gotten it from, and when told it was an STI proceeded to completely deny that her husband could have given it to her, even though he also needed to be treated and was uncomfortable whenever the source of the infection was brought up. Denial was easier than facing up to the fact he cheated. She proceeded through follow ups afterwards blanking whenever it was mentioned that she had had chlamydia.

EirianErisdar , Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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ConstantlyJon

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gotta tell that husband to stop snuggling with koalas I guess.

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Dentist here, I can tell you don't brush or floss just admit it, not gonna change my treatment plan.

guocamole , Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Rahul Pawa

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If you can tell, why ask?

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Med student here, once in Psych appointments I saw patient say (several times) he hadn't touched alcohol for years after a drinking problem, but then we checked the system and he was admited in the ER two weeks prior with alcohol in his blood... but he kept saying it was impossible!

ConstantAd8558 , Andrew Patrick Photo / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Nikole

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This just in: alcoholics and addicts lie! (Source: me)

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Patient came in saying they thought they had a UTI and wanted to be tested. I said okay please provide a urine sample.

They came back out with a urine cup filled with clear liquid. Like... completely clear. Not pale pale yellow, like crystal clear. Like clearly water.

I said - is this water or urine? They just shrugged.

I said, can you please go back in and bring back urine instead?

And they came back with urine. And they had a UTI, and we gave them antibiotics.

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Júlia Fortes

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if you wanted to be tested, why you lie to the doctors??? is not like the doctor asked for the test, or someone is forcing you. The patient came by themselve, without pressure, and then lied?

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Other than all the random things that end up in rectums accidentally?

Drunk electrician with the longest drill bit I've ever seen sticking through both legs and impaling his s*****m in between like a really gross kabob. He was so drunk he thought he broke his hip, denied owning any drill bits or for that matter having been drinking.

ListenFun694 , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sara Frazer

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0_0 my brain doesn't like the image that itself conjured up

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There was one case in ER, where girl (15) was brought with barely consciousness and repeatedly vomiting episodes and on asking parents gave history of vomiting and fever.

So ultimately case was listed has dehydration.

But on further history by medical students they admitted of girl drinking pesticides by mistake.

After that immediately treatment but weird thing was the parents were very chill and were discussing freely how her brother gave her wrong bottle for cough and drank it (they were laughing on same)

Sometimes people think poisoning thing very lightly and they don't give you perfect history and they blame on medical stuff when there is any issue.

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ॐBoyGanesh

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Not perfect English, but a hell of a lot better than I could do in a second language.

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NAD, but I was present at the hospital when the patient lied to the doctor and nurse. After the ER visit, I was admitted to the hospital just in time for lunch. There was an elderly lady in the room with me. She finished her lunch and seeing that I hadn't touched mine, she asked if she could eat mine too. A few hours later, a nurse came into the room to check the lady's blood sugar, which was, of course, off the charts. She had received insulin before her meal (and before I arrived so I didn't know about the diabetes), but it didn't cover both meals. The nurse called the doctor because she couldn't understand how her sugar suddenly spiked. The lady persistently denied eating two meals.

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Júlia Fortes

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i dont get it, you go to the hospital to get a treatment but them refuse to help the one that is giving you treatment. Why you just dont go home?

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I was once in A&E having IV hydration after a bout of food poisoning had left me unable to keep any fluids down for a few days. In the bed opposite mine was a portly, middle-aged chap in a flamboyant dinner jacket admitted with chest pains. He'd been at a dinner party and was upset the hosts had insisted on bringing him to hospital before serving dessert. Well he was adamant he'd been fit as a fiddle up until that point, couldn't *possibly* be heart trouble. Until the nurse points out that his notes state he'd had a pacemaker fitted in the late '90s and a coronary bypass in the mid '00s. Well, apart from *that*, he'd never had any trouble! I had to hold my laughter in for fear of s******g myself with the food poisoning.

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eric p

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They must have been serving something delicious for dessert!

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I'm an x-ray tech. I x-rayed a guy's foot that was clearly infected. He told me a very long and elaborate story about surfing in Mexico and scraping his foot against a rock that caused the infection. I believed his story at first. Then he tells me that he was treating the infected foot by wrapping it in Swiffer wet pads and turpentine.. He made other odd statements.

Anyway, after I finished his x-ray I saw in his chart that he shoots up h*roin in his foot and that was the reason for the infection.

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Kylie

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Addicts.

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Not a doctor but well over 20 years ago my uncle lit a bottle rocket, when it didn't go off he stood over it til it hit him in the eye. He went to the hospital and INSISTED he hit himself with a hammer because he couldn't admit how stupid he really was, as if they could tell the difference from a massive burn and an impact wound? Wild what people will lie about.

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Weasel Wise

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Ego over health. 🤦🏾‍♀️

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One lady came in with a bowel obstruction saying that the only previous surgery she had had was some bowel removal from a previous obstruction. Her abdomen was COVERED in surgical scars but she was insistent that that was the only surgery she’d ever had. Read her notes and came back and got her to admit she’d had her gallbladder, appendix, ovaries AND uterus removed. She was missing basically half of her abdominal contents but refused to admit it?? Patients are weird sometimes.

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eric p

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It sounds like she had a very unfortunate past. It's probably really uncomfortable to relive those experiences

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Patients who deny smoking inside their hospital room. Like your room smells like cigarettes and you have a cup full of burnt cigarette butts … but sure ok. I’m that dumb.

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Feathered Dinosaur

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In Germany smoke detectors would be set off, the firefighters would come and the hospital wing would be evacuated. So they usually drag themselves outside and smoke right in front of the entrance. Often taking their oxygen tanks with them...

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I had to tell a patient we had to amputate his foot because he had gangrene. The patient wouldn’t even entertain the idea he had a problem. He’d only talk about a BMW he planned to buy. Every time I’d steer the conversation back to his foot, he’d talk about this BMW as if he hadn’t heard a word.

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David Morgan

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Guess he's only buying an automatic then.

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From a friends 30 years in ER, the one that sticks with me is:

the gentleman who needed help removing the inner tube of a ballpoint pen (the tube with the ink) from his p*nis. Gentleman swore black and blue that he’d slipped and ‘stabbed’ himself by accident. The tone in my friends voice when she said “and to think we all believed him the first time!”.

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Stannous Flouride

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Black and blue ink at least.

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Not doctor but work in vet hospital, in a state where weed is legal. People still never wanna admit they have weed in the house and there's always absolutely no way their dog could have gotten into weed- trust me when I say nobody is judging you! At most we poke fun at your dog for being schtoney baloney. Some people get so horrified when the techs ask if there's weed in the house as if they're being accused of lighting up a joint and letting the family dog take a hit lmao.

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Sara Frazer

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No judgement for anyone who uses certain substances, but if you're going to use/store those substances, make sure they're out of the way of innocents. I live in a state where weed has been legal since the beginning (second state to legalize it). But there are MANY horror stories where children accidentally consumed these thc- infused candies, because careless people left them out....(And obviously not only in WA; most were other states)

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A lot of older male patients "forget" they have a penile prosthesis with pump until it shows up on their imaging.

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David L

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@ Nicole. And it's men who have had prostate cancer (largest killer of men) have pump prothesis due to the damage caused by the surgery to save their lives. Go and educate yourself!

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Not a doc, but I do medical massage and it’s always baffling when people don’t give me very major parts of their health history. I’ve made a habit of asking CRIMPHH questions even after reading through paperwork because people just don’t list really important information.

The one that started it all: one of my patients had a pretty clean health history on paper, nothing listed under surgeries, medications, or cardiovascular issues. Get the massage started, asking follow up questions as I go, and suddenly he remembers that he’s on blood thinners and he’s had a pace maker put in about 2 years ago. Cool, cool. Continue working… oh yeah, and he also had a hip replacement and arthritis in the left knee.

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Bartlet for World Domination

Bartlet for World Domination

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CRIMPHH had both Google and Bing stumped, but according to Copilot: CRIMPHH is an acronym used in medical anamnesis to help structure patient history taking. It stands for: Complaints: What are the patient's main complaints? Review of systems: A systematic review of different body systems. Immunizations: Information about the patient's immunization history. Medications: Current medications the patient is taking. Past medical history: Previous medical conditions and treatments. Hospitalizations: Any past hospital stays. Habits: Lifestyle habits such as smoking, alcohol consumption, and exercise. This structure helps healthcare professionals gather comprehensive information about a patient's health.

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Maybe not that weird but when I was an intern, I had a patient who was admitted because he had a cucumber stuck up his r****m. When I was taking his medical history (I did not ask about the cucumber at all, just general questions about his past medical history), he was overly adamant that he didn't know how the cucumber got there and that it must've been his friends playing some bad prank on him. He said he woke up in the shower and it was there. He then asked me for advice on whether he should sue his friends and have them arrested.

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Stannous Flouride

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Censoring medical terminology now?

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I'm a dentist. And I often encounter patients who clearly did not brush their teeth in ages coming with stains and tar tar. And then telling me that they don't know how they got it. And that they've been brushing their teeth all the time.
Or sometimes patients who smoke. You can clearly tell from some signs that they smoke. And they even smell of cigarettes but they won't admit it at all. I find it weird. Who are you trying to fool man. I just pretend to agree with them because I obviously can't pressure them into admitting something they don't want to. I'm a Dentist not a detective 😔.

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Jostanquecla

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Not so sure about this one. I've had dentists ask me if I'm bulimic or if I take d***s. I tell them no but that I do smoke and I'm pretty sure they don't believe me. Not much I can do if they don't believe me.

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That she wasn’t injecting her stool in her picc line…she was…and it happened more than once.

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KnightOOwl

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Eww, why would anyone do that?

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My dermatologist told me once that a woman came into his office saying she had a suspicious mole between her breasts.

She wouldn't remove her bra so he could look at it because it was "embarrassing."

Evidently, it was not the first time she had said something so ridiculous.

He was fed up with her by then and dropped her as a patient.

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Deborah B

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Did he ask her if she would like a nurse in the room during the exam. Or offer her a drape? Not every woman is comfortable with nudity, even with a doctor.

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