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“Fell Onto The Banana”: 50 Times Patients Tried To Fool Doctors With Ridiculous Lies
Interview With Expert
Going to the doctor can be frightening, intimidating and sometimes even embarrassing. You’re already ill or injured, and now you have to describe in great detail the symptoms you've been experiencing or how you ended up breaking a bone while filming a TikTok. So some of us decide that it’s best to simply conceal information from our doctors. In fact, one survey found that 23% of patients have lied during a medical visit.
But there’s really no point in trying to hide the truth, because doctors always know. Medical professionals on Reddit have been recalling the strangest tales that patients have told them, so we’ve gathered the most amusing ones below. Keep reading to find a conversation with Kevin Pho, MD, and remember to always be honest with yourself and your doctor!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Had a lady come to the ER about 3 times for dizziness and poor balance. Alcohol level about .230 or so each time but she refused to admit she had been drinking. Her husband went to bat for her, how she’d been sober for nine months. Neither would admit that she relapsed despite ample opportunity to come clean and not lose face. They stuck to the story that her body must be endogenously producing ethanol, because they read about it online. They demanded she be admitted for more tests.
I told them how great an idea that was. I told them how as an inpatient unable to get outside food and drink, we could keep her overnight and simply recheck her alcohol level in the morning. If her body was producing its own alcohol, of course it would go up. If she had been drinking surreptitiously and not have access to booze in the hospital, of course it would go down. Her husband thought that was a brilliant idea and I watched her face completely sink. Checkmate liar.
Lost Panda 3 weeks ago
Based off the husband's reaction, I think he might have truly believed she was not drinking, not going to bat for her.
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#2
Am doctor. But this is a Med school story.
During ER rotation i guy came in with a banana up his butt. It went in too far and he needed medical attention.
Swore up and down that he tripped, fell on the stairs and accidentally sat on the banana.
After we fished the banana out my attending at the time came over said to me “just before he accidentally fell onto the banana, a condom magically got in the way”.
Cecilia Herrera 3 weeks ago
At least he had the sense to wear a condom. No telling how powerful banana sperm can be. /s (sarcastic comment.)
#3
Performed an urgent biopsy on a woman who came to the ER for breast pain. She had an obvious cancer that was what we call a fungating mass which is basically an ulcerating tumor literally growing through the skin. It was large, occupying most of her breast.
Despite this mass (and pungent odor that it produced) she was adamant that there wasn’t anything concerning and she had only come to the ER due to pain. She ‘knew’ this couldn’t be cancer because she had been told so by a holistic practitioner. She almost refused to be have a biopsy performed.
Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt.
To learn more about the lies that patients tend to tell medical professionals, we got in touch with Kevin Pho, MD, creator of KevinMD and host of The Podcast by KevinMD. Dr. Pho was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss similar experiences that he's had.
"Patients do sometimes hold back or aren’t fully open about certain aspects of their health," he shared. "In my experience, this can happen for a variety of reasons—some people feel embarrassed, worry about judgment, or are concerned about how sharing everything might affect how they're perceived by their doctor."
#4
The number of virgins that I have diagnosed with STIs and/or pregnancy is astounding.
#5
Not a doctor... But my wife is in healthcare. It's weird when trans people won't tell their healthcare providers their actual sex. Like this isn't about pronouns, it's about knowing how to help you and give you the proper and effective doses of d***s. Like come on.
#6
NAD but my dad's friend shot himself through the hand with a stolen gun and panicked so he put a stick in the hole and went to ER. The doctor said it must have been a very fast stick to cauterize the wound on its way in.
Sara Frazer 3 weeks ago (edited)
Hmmm....if you accidentally shoot your hand with a gun (actually, if you do so purposefully, too) that's a good sign you should not have a firearm 👍 ETA I'm in an American city with a very high gun-related crime rate, most of us wish no one had firearms 🫠
As far as why patients withhold information, Dr. Pho says they might be nervous, embarrassed, or might not fully trust the medical system. "Some worry about how we, as doctors, will react to certain disclosures. Others may have concerns about potential consequences, like an official record that could affect their insurance or employment," he added. "These fears can lead them to omit key information, which impacts our ability to provide the best care."
#7
I have a slightly related story, the patient did admit to me but had been lying to other doctors for years.
I was seeing a patient for follow up after a heart attack. This was the patients third heart attack and he had problems from blockages in all his arteries. He had already had a few strokes, stents in his legs, previous bypass from his first heart attack.
I felt a bit bad for the guy, from the medication list he brought in he was on really good medication which should be preventing these things. He had been on them for years and they had been updated and increased over that time. All of which he had records of and could explain. Seemed like a really engaged patient.
Right at the end of the consultation he just out of the blue goes, "I'm going to level with you doc, I don't take any of my pills, I don't think they help, I just tell everyone I take them, I've never taken them". So for years doctors have been increasing his pills and he had never been taking any of them. I just said "How's that working out for you".
Wonderful 3 weeks ago
I have to take a lot of medication for various reasons and sometimes I'll be looking at the lil pile of pills as I'm about to take them and I get the urge to just dump them in the trash and go about my day like I took them. Then reality hits .37 seconds later and tells me to take my meds and stop being ridiculous. I guess it's like the urge to drive off a bridge or steer into traffic that some ppl get randomly.
#8
Before 9/11, I rotated through a Navy ID Clinic at a large medical center. A sailor popped HIV+ and told me that he must have contracted it by backing up onto a door knob while naked in the head on ship. Part of the work up was swabbing urethra, a**s, and throat. The sailor tested positive for GC on all three sites.
He denied any human sexual activity in 2/3 of those orifices, leading one to believe he abused that poor door knob in a ferocious manner.
#9
I worked for an abortion provider in the late 90s/early 2000s. I heard lots of crazy stories, but my favorite is this girl, maybe around 17, came in for a procedure. She was with her mom, and they both kept insisting to us that she was a virgin, even though the ultrasound let us know, she was about eight weeks pregnant. Finally, the girl says something like “Oh! I think I know what happened. One time when we were making out, he came on my leg. There was a fan in the room and the fan must have just blown it it inside of me!”.
Despite this temptation, it's important to always tell medical professionals the truth. "Honesty is critical in a medical setting because it forms the foundation of effective treatment," Dr. Pho shared. "When patients aren’t upfront, it’s like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces—we can miss important diagnoses or misinterpret symptoms."
"For instance, a patient who minimizes their alcohol use might be at risk for certain complications that could otherwise be addressed early. In short, honesty allows us to tailor treatment and avoid unnecessary risks, ultimately protecting the patient’s health," he explained.
#10
Not a doctor, but a nurse. When you come in to the hospital wanting to detox, and I ask you how much you drink, please stop lying to me. Withdrawal from alcohol is NASTY but I can make it a little more bearable. If it’s 2 bottles of vodka a day, TELL ME so I can medicate you accordingly. You’ll thank me later when you aren’t having a seizure.
Mayblater 3 weeks ago
So much shame surrounding addiction. The stigma is so harmful and it needs to change.its easier to ask for help when there is empathy surrounding it instead of disdain. Obviously to medical personnel, it is not relevant but people live outside of hospitals and doctors’ offices. The hospital take on these things exists in a vacuum. Sometimes medical professionals even let that disdain show. We must make this better in our lifetimes.
#11
One of my first on-call shifts as an Anesthesiology resident..a patient came to the OR in the middle of the night for incision and drainage of an abscess in his jaw. The case itself was uneventful but as we’re removing the endotracheal tube, he coughed up a fair amount of blood..not unexpected given the nature of the operation. Some of this blood managed to bypass my facial protective equipment and ended up in my eye (yes, it was disgusting).
In the recovery unit, I asked him all the relevant questions regarding IV d**g use, unprotected sexual activity, and transmissible infections. His response to all of those was, of course, a resounding NO. His bloodwork, however, told a different story when the results came back positive for Hepatitis C.
Suffice it to say, getting “Morgan Lensed” in the emergency department at 4am near the tail end of a 24hr call shift was the closest thing to Chinese waterboarding that I’ve ever had to endure. (For those of you who are wondering, I luckily did not contract Hep C after this incident.).
Feathered Dinosaur 3 weeks ago
What a nightmare. I only pricked myself with a needle I had just used on a patient once, and she was an elderly lady without any blood borne diseases
#12
Woman came into the OB ER in labor. We asked her if she has had any prenatal checks and she says she went to all of them. Asked her if she did an ultrasound and she said yes but left the results at home. We proceeded with vaginal delivery since the baby was already crowning (head already at the opening of the vaginal canal) and once the baby was out, we proceeded with caring for the baby and preparing for the placenta to come out. I put my fingers inside and felt… a foot near the opening. Turns out she was having twins, and the 2nd one was breech (feet as the presenting part). Good thing we managed to deliver the 2nd one vaginally and there were no complications, but soon we found out that the mother lied about having any prenatal checks and ultrasound done. She didn’t even know she was having twins.
Sara Frazer 3 weeks ago
Man reading this reminds me that pregnancy sounds like such a fúcking nightmare 😅 and I say that as someone who birthed a child at 19 as a result of SA. And it was a relatively good pregnancy, and I raised my child for the first 5 years, but I still see them often and am involved in their interests. Not their fault they were born, and I'd never wish upon anyone the childhood I had. I'm a very mentally ill person. But it's been so long and I still feel the horror. All these pregnancy/birth stories give me heebie-jeebies. Don't have kids young/ at all/ if you're not in a good place/ if you're not 200% sure, y'all!!!
"As doctors, we’re here to help, not to judge. Establishing open communication is a two-way street," Dr. Pho added. "I encourage patients to see us as partners in their health—being upfront with us is the best way to get care that truly supports them. And we, as physicians, must foster an environment of trust and empathy so patients feel comfortable sharing openly."
#13
I’m a hospital dietitian. One time I had a patient who always has very high blood sugar and needed tons of insulin to make it go down. This was a daily thing and several specialists even came in to consult to try to figure out why this person wasn’t responding to meds! After a few days a nurse caught the patient EATING CANDY from a bag they had stashed somewhere in the room. This m**********r laid in bed for days eating candy and said NOTHING while all of us were trying to control his glucose! 🤫😂.
Green Tree 3 weeks ago
My mom in the hospital for diverticulitis so bad that she's gone septic and portions of her colon have to be removed. The doctors are all telling her she has to stop eating red meat. She literally argues with them and sends my brother out to get her cheeseburgers. Nuts!
#14
A person came in with issues with her v*gina; soreness, discomfort and discharge. During examination it turned out there was a small rolled up photograph of Cliff Richard stuck inside. She denied any knowledge of it and acted shocked, and even said “how could I m*sturbate with a photo?” completely unprompted. Kind of a pertinent question really haha. Still not sure of the thought process there.
Tucker Cahooter 3 weeks ago
She should have said she slipped and fell on it, just like the guys say happened with bananas etc
#15
Nurse here. Had parents bring their 3 year old son to the emergency department for one month of abdominal pain that kept getting worse. I ask all the routine questions for this complaint, lots of questions about his poop....is it bloody? Diarrhea? Mucous? When was his last bowel movement? Any changes in the stool? They deny any other concerning symptoms but abdominal pain.
We do bloodwork, ultrasound, X-ray. Everything comes back completely normal but the kid is intermittently screaming in pain, curled in a ball.
Over the next 5 hours I continue to repeat the same questions, I asked repeatedly if there was anything else going on that they could think of....nope.
The kid just doesn’t seem well but we have no reason to keep him, we decide to watch him a little longer, let him eat. The kid eats a bunch, a PBJ, apple juice, crackers, popsicle, no pain so we decide to send them home.
I bring in the discharge paperwork and I’m about to start going over instructions and they dad goes “You know.....for the past 3 months he’s had A LOT of worms in his poop”
WORMS. F*****g worms. You spent 6+ hours denying worms. I literally just turned around and walked out of the room without saying a word. I was laughing almost to the point of tears. Could not wait to tell my resident. Deworming medications, a s**t load of wasted time, and they were on their way.
#16
When I was an optician, we had a patient come in that was having trouble with dry eyes. That's okay, it happens. We asked several times if she wore contacts and she swore up and down she didn't (she got contacts from us, which is how we knew), so we went through as normal. Doctor took her back and what do you know, she's wearing contacts. Even after he took them out himself and showed her, she refused to acknowledge those were hers.
As she left she asked for a new contact rx.
David Morgan 3 weeks ago
"These AREN'T your contacts? Oh s**t, I've just pulled your corneas off. You are going to go blind unless you have IMMEDIATE corrective surgery...unless there's any information you want to share that could help prevent it? No? OK then. Medic!"
#17
That they were never pregnant.
Had a case in residency where a woman came in with her family, swore her water broke at home, and she was going into labor. The nurse couldn't find heart times so low key freaking out, call for a bedside US to confirm an intrauterine demise (still birth) . Well, put the ultrasound probe on and there's no baby. Family all at the bedside asking, what's going on? And this lady still wouldn't say anything. We were all looking at each other in this silent stand off...
We just said, sorry there's no baby. And the family was all sorts of confused, what do you mean no baby? Like the baby is dead? She didn't say anything so we left the room and discharged her. Pretty sure we checked and she had a negative pregnancy test too.
Sara Frazer 3 weeks ago (edited)
I-... I wonder what was the full story here, was this one of those women who just, fakes a pregnancy, for..what..??! Pity? Attention? Admiration? Gifts? Financial matters? To try and baby-trap someone? So, so odd.... people are weird, man
#18
Patient with specific eczema that to us looks clearly fillers related, swore to her life she had never had fillers done... Awkward silence when the pathologist could see the material they use in fillers under the microscope..
Kyra Heiker 3 weeks ago
Well then, you have some foreign material here in your face so let's just cut it open and dig that out of there.
#19
My wife does obstetrics. She's had people deny they were sexually active when she can show them an ultrasound of a 15-week foetus.
BravePanda 3 weeks ago
These pregnant but not sexually active stories are heartbreaking, not hilarious. I am sure SOME the individual stories are quite funny but as a group, they represent sad stories potentially caused by 1) ignorance 2) abuse 3) dissociating from SA 4) emotional mistreatment and shame 5) parental control issues ... If someone will lie to a doctor about something that can be scientifically proven, it's often a very messy story that should be approached with compassion.
#20
This one is sad, from my old roommate.
Girl had a very large lump on her breast that she didn't tell the doctors about. She actually went to the hospital for migraines, saying they were getting increasingly bad. When they found the lump, they asked why she didn't say she had that.
She said she knew it was going to k*ll her eventually, but she just wanted to get rid of the migraines because they giving her a lot of pain in her last months.
#21
My wife is an ER doc and has hundreds of stories about people lying about things that are very obviously not true. Countless stories of people swearing they don't do d***s even though she's looking at their blood test results. Or criminals who were bitten by police dogs who were doing nothing wrong and can't understand why the dog would have bitten them.
But my favorite was the guy with a Frank's hot sauce bottle stuck up his butt. It was full of hot sauce. He told her that he had gotten out of the shower and was cutting across the kitchen to go get a towel. He slipped, knocked the bottle off the counter and landed on it. She said, "OK. Now tell me again what happened." She asked him to tell her the story four times and he stuck to it.
I guess their new slogan could be "I put that s**t IN everything."
Donna Peluda 3 weeks ago
A lot of guy getting things stuck up the tunnel of darkness. Censor that BP
#22
There was a guy who came in for a broken bone who failed to tell the people caring for him that there was a Gatorade bottle stuck on his p*nis.
Rahul Pawa 3 weeks ago
I'm imagining he first got the bottle stuck. He knew he needed to go to the ER but wanted a better reason to say so he broke his arm on purpose. 🤣
#23
One thing I noticed a LOT when I worked in allergy was patients lying about taking allergy pills.
First off, if you take an allergy pill before an appointment that's scheduled for allergen testing, CANCEL the appointment. We're testing up to 113 things at once. It takes a long time to set up, and you have to sit for the next 20 minutes and watch for a reaction. It's a colossal waste of time for everyone involved.
You can try and lie all you want, but we know. You think I'm going to set all that s**t up and not have a control? At least one of the sticks is a histamine. YOU WILL react to it. Unless you've taken an allergy pill. No reaction, the test is invalid.
And don't even think about pulling that s**t with your kids. You think I liked setting up all this, listening to the kid scream while they try and fight you off, then cry for the next 20 minutes, only for NOTHING.
It was probably an accident, and sometimes s**t happens. Don't keep the appointment, and if for some reason you do, don't lie about something as mundane as a zyrtec.
Donna Peluda 3 weeks ago
We have a yearly check at work..Blood Urine etc. This year I forgot and had breakfast. Had to cancel
#24
I was a patient in the ER. Woman in the bed next to me could not understand why she was in the ER. The nurse finally said, "You're here because you broke into someone's car and OD'ed. The owner of the car saved your life" I heard the patient then exclaim "I was just really tired and needed a place to nap!"
Sara Frazer 3 weeks ago
😐 well, good on the owner of the vehicle helping this person, I hope all their future vehicles are left alone and wish them the goodest karma!
#25
Not me but my sister is a radiographer. Years ago when she was a student they had someone who came in with an apple stuck up his a**e. His story was that he was locked out of the house and while trying to break in through the kitchen window, he’d slipped and fell on the fruit bowl. It’s my absolute favourite story.
#26
Respiratory here- 50% of people won't admit they smoke. I can smell it on their clothes.
Leoninus Fate 3 weeks ago
or they live with heavy smokers.... just cause they have smoke on them doesn't mean they themselves do it
Jules 3 weeks ago
Whenever we would visit my in-laws we had to wash ALL of our clothes when we returned home because they smelled like smoke and weed.........ugh
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Cecilia Herrera 3 weeks ago
Do smokers really not smell the smoke smell on their clothes? (I ask this as an smoker.)
Nadine Debard 3 weeks ago
Heavy smokers 'kill' their nose, so they don't smell a lot.
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Sarah Jones 3 weeks ago
Before the smoking ban I worked in a bookies for a while…my clothes, skin and hair constantly reeked like a dirty ashtray and my eyes were often sore. I’ve never understood why anyone would voluntarily choose to smoke.
Glen Ellyn 2 weeks ago
It's the "cool" factor. They think they look cool when they do it. I say you can't overcome the power of cool. Think of all the crazy and dangerous things teens do, especially the males. Speeding, underage drinking, smoking p o t, etc. Just trying to show their friends how cool they are.
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Guess Undheit 3 weeks ago
How selfish are ash sole butthead smokers? They smoke inside laundromats, PRIVATE BUSINESSES which have non-smoking signs on them. The air reeks with their filth, meaning people wanting to take their clothes out of a washer or dryer have to wait half an hour after the butthead leaves.
nottheactualphoto 2 weeks ago
Spoken like someone who has never been addicted. You are fortunate.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 2 weeks ago
I work for doctors, I used to smoke. It took one of them four years to discover I did. That said I wasn't smoking during the day unless I left the building, which is how he found out. Was surprised because he had never smelt it on me. Yes, that's because smoking outside, breath mints and hand cream are quite effective at minimising the smell.
Al Padilla 1 week ago
If you absolutely, really, really have to know, you can send a blood or urine sample for cotinine, a metabolite of nicotine. It has a long half-life and hangs around for quite a while. Of course, it would also be positive in vaping or chewing, etc.
Taffy Renee 2 weeks ago
My moronic so-called-dad lies about smoking. We're all like, "Moron, you smell like an ashtray and the doctors can tell easily." I've seen him multiple times with a cig in his mouth and smoke coming from his truck. Doesn't matter. He still denies it.
#27
Adimission H&P. Do you smoke? No. Did you smoke? Yes. When did you quit? When I came to the hospital.
#28
Had a guy come in complaining that he got something in his eyes while at work. Sat him down. Got the microscope. Looked and s**t was moving on the lashed. He had crabs of the eyelashes. Nasty. Told him to be more careful about what he was eating. Workman’s Comp denied. Lol.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 weeks ago (edited)
“A case of eyelash lice is usually caused by ‘extended contact’ with someone who has pubic lice.” We can, at least, assume he’s not a selfish lover!
#29
Nurse, not doctor. Men still constantly lie about their height to us when we're trying to fill out their charts. Even to the male doctors and nurses! I'm pretty tall, so I can tell immediately when the person who's saying they're 5'11 is actually 5'8.
Leoninus Fate 3 weeks ago
lol at this im proud of my hight at 7'4 but my husband is about 4'9 and he trys to say its a 5'0
#30
Woman in gynaecology who suddenly presented with chlamydia. Had been married to her husband for 15 years and never slept with anyone else. On tracing, Husband also tested positive and was plainly evasive. The woman asked where she could have gotten it from, and when told it was an STI proceeded to completely deny that her husband could have given it to her, even though he also needed to be treated and was uncomfortable whenever the source of the infection was brought up. Denial was easier than facing up to the fact he cheated. She proceeded through follow ups afterwards blanking whenever it was mentioned that she had had chlamydia.
#31
Other than all the random things that end up in rectums accidentally?
Drunk electrician with the longest drill bit I've ever seen sticking through both legs and impaling his s*****m in between like a really gross kabob. He was so drunk he thought he broke his hip, denied owning any drill bits or for that matter having been drinking.
#32
Patient came in saying they thought they had a UTI and wanted to be tested. I said okay please provide a urine sample.
They came back out with a urine cup filled with clear liquid. Like... completely clear. Not pale pale yellow, like crystal clear. Like clearly water.
I said - is this water or urine? They just shrugged.
I said, can you please go back in and bring back urine instead?
And they came back with urine. And they had a UTI, and we gave them antibiotics.
Júlia Fortes 3 weeks ago
if you wanted to be tested, why you lie to the doctors??? is not like the doctor asked for the test, or someone is forcing you. The patient came by themselve, without pressure, and then lied?
#33
Dentist here, I can tell you don't brush or floss just admit it, not gonna change my treatment plan.
#34
Med student here, once in Psych appointments I saw patient say (several times) he hadn't touched alcohol for years after a drinking problem, but then we checked the system and he was admited in the ER two weeks prior with alcohol in his blood... but he kept saying it was impossible!
#35
I'm an x-ray tech. I x-rayed a guy's foot that was clearly infected. He told me a very long and elaborate story about surfing in Mexico and scraping his foot against a rock that caused the infection. I believed his story at first. Then he tells me that he was treating the infected foot by wrapping it in Swiffer wet pads and turpentine.. He made other odd statements.
Anyway, after I finished his x-ray I saw in his chart that he shoots up h*roin in his foot and that was the reason for the infection.
#36
NAD, but I was present at the hospital when the patient lied to the doctor and nurse. After the ER visit, I was admitted to the hospital just in time for lunch. There was an elderly lady in the room with me. She finished her lunch and seeing that I hadn't touched mine, she asked if she could eat mine too. A few hours later, a nurse came into the room to check the lady's blood sugar, which was, of course, off the charts. She had received insulin before her meal (and before I arrived so I didn't know about the diabetes), but it didn't cover both meals. The nurse called the doctor because she couldn't understand how her sugar suddenly spiked. The lady persistently denied eating two meals.
Júlia Fortes 3 weeks ago
i dont get it, you go to the hospital to get a treatment but them refuse to help the one that is giving you treatment. Why you just dont go home?
#37
There was one case in ER, where girl (15) was brought with barely consciousness and repeatedly vomiting episodes and on asking parents gave history of vomiting and fever.
So ultimately case was listed has dehydration.
But on further history by medical students they admitted of girl drinking pesticides by mistake.
After that immediately treatment but weird thing was the parents were very chill and were discussing freely how her brother gave her wrong bottle for cough and drank it (they were laughing on same)
Sometimes people think poisoning thing very lightly and they don't give you perfect history and they blame on medical stuff when there is any issue.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 weeks ago
Not perfect English, but a hell of a lot better than I could do in a second language.
#38
I was once in A&E having IV hydration after a bout of food poisoning had left me unable to keep any fluids down for a few days. In the bed opposite mine was a portly, middle-aged chap in a flamboyant dinner jacket admitted with chest pains. He'd been at a dinner party and was upset the hosts had insisted on bringing him to hospital before serving dessert. Well he was adamant he'd been fit as a fiddle up until that point, couldn't *possibly* be heart trouble. Until the nurse points out that his notes state he'd had a pacemaker fitted in the late '90s and a coronary bypass in the mid '00s. Well, apart from *that*, he'd never had any trouble! I had to hold my laughter in for fear of s******g myself with the food poisoning.
#39
One lady came in with a bowel obstruction saying that the only previous surgery she had had was some bowel removal from a previous obstruction. Her abdomen was COVERED in surgical scars but she was insistent that that was the only surgery she’d ever had. Read her notes and came back and got her to admit she’d had her gallbladder, appendix, ovaries AND uterus removed. She was missing basically half of her abdominal contents but refused to admit it?? Patients are weird sometimes.
#40
Not a doctor but well over 20 years ago my uncle lit a bottle rocket, when it didn't go off he stood over it til it hit him in the eye. He went to the hospital and INSISTED he hit himself with a hammer because he couldn't admit how stupid he really was, as if they could tell the difference from a massive burn and an impact wound? Wild what people will lie about.
#41
Patients who deny smoking inside their hospital room. Like your room smells like cigarettes and you have a cup full of burnt cigarette butts … but sure ok. I’m that dumb.
Feathered Dinosaur 3 weeks ago
In Germany smoke detectors would be set off, the firefighters would come and the hospital wing would be evacuated. So they usually drag themselves outside and smoke right in front of the entrance. Often taking their oxygen tanks with them...
#42
Not doctor but work in vet hospital, in a state where weed is legal. People still never wanna admit they have weed in the house and there's always absolutely no way their dog could have gotten into weed- trust me when I say nobody is judging you! At most we poke fun at your dog for being schtoney baloney. Some people get so horrified when the techs ask if there's weed in the house as if they're being accused of lighting up a joint and letting the family dog take a hit lmao.
Sara Frazer 3 weeks ago
No judgement for anyone who uses certain substances, but if you're going to use/store those substances, make sure they're out of the way of innocents. I live in a state where weed has been legal since the beginning (second state to legalize it). But there are MANY horror stories where children accidentally consumed these thc- infused candies, because careless people left them out....(And obviously not only in WA; most were other states)
#43
From a friends 30 years in ER, the one that sticks with me is:
the gentleman who needed help removing the inner tube of a ballpoint pen (the tube with the ink) from his p*nis. Gentleman swore black and blue that he’d slipped and ‘stabbed’ himself by accident. The tone in my friends voice when she said “and to think we all believed him the first time!”.
#44
I had to tell a patient we had to amputate his foot because he had gangrene. The patient wouldn’t even entertain the idea he had a problem. He’d only talk about a BMW he planned to buy. Every time I’d steer the conversation back to his foot, he’d talk about this BMW as if he hadn’t heard a word.
#45
A lot of older male patients "forget" they have a penile prosthesis with pump until it shows up on their imaging.
#46
Not a doc, but I do medical massage and it’s always baffling when people don’t give me very major parts of their health history. I’ve made a habit of asking CRIMPHH questions even after reading through paperwork because people just don’t list really important information.
The one that started it all: one of my patients had a pretty clean health history on paper, nothing listed under surgeries, medications, or cardiovascular issues. Get the massage started, asking follow up questions as I go, and suddenly he remembers that he’s on blood thinners and he’s had a pace maker put in about 2 years ago. Cool, cool. Continue working… oh yeah, and he also had a hip replacement and arthritis in the left knee.
Bartlet for World Domination 3 weeks ago
CRIMPHH had both Google and Bing stumped, but according to Copilot: CRIMPHH is an acronym used in medical anamnesis to help structure patient history taking. It stands for: Complaints: What are the patient's main complaints? Review of systems: A systematic review of different body systems. Immunizations: Information about the patient's immunization history. Medications: Current medications the patient is taking. Past medical history: Previous medical conditions and treatments. Hospitalizations: Any past hospital stays. Habits: Lifestyle habits such as smoking, alcohol consumption, and exercise. This structure helps healthcare professionals gather comprehensive information about a patient's health.
#47
Maybe not that weird but when I was an intern, I had a patient who was admitted because he had a cucumber stuck up his r****m. When I was taking his medical history (I did not ask about the cucumber at all, just general questions about his past medical history), he was overly adamant that he didn't know how the cucumber got there and that it must've been his friends playing some bad prank on him. He said he woke up in the shower and it was there. He then asked me for advice on whether he should sue his friends and have them arrested.
#48
I'm a dentist. And I often encounter patients who clearly did not brush their teeth in ages coming with stains and tar tar. And then telling me that they don't know how they got it. And that they've been brushing their teeth all the time.
Or sometimes patients who smoke. You can clearly tell from some signs that they smoke. And they even smell of cigarettes but they won't admit it at all. I find it weird. Who are you trying to fool man. I just pretend to agree with them because I obviously can't pressure them into admitting something they don't want to. I'm a Dentist not a detective 😔.
Jostanquecla 3 weeks ago
Not so sure about this one. I've had dentists ask me if I'm bulimic or if I take d***s. I tell them no but that I do smoke and I'm pretty sure they don't believe me. Not much I can do if they don't believe me.
#49
That she wasn’t injecting her stool in her picc line…she was…and it happened more than once.
#50
My dermatologist told me once that a woman came into his office saying she had a suspicious mole between her breasts.
She wouldn't remove her bra so he could look at it because it was "embarrassing."
Evidently, it was not the first time she had said something so ridiculous.
He was fed up with her by then and dropped her as a patient.
What do you think ?
Captive 3 weeks ago
A friend of mine is a doctor and worked at ER. Patient came in who got a vibrator pushed in too deep and he couldn't get it out. He was panicking because it belonged to his wife and she was about to leave work and he wanted it out before she comes home. Took them some effort but they got it out on time. He didn't "fall" on it though, admitted it straight lol
DforDory 3 weeks ago
I work at a dental clinic- after already starting treatment on a patient, somehow during a discussion she casually mentioned she had HEP C , but that she's cured - it is curable nowadays, BUT she didn't provide any proof of that and threw a tantrum because we didn't take her for her word. Just how ignorant one has to be??
Roberta Surprenant 3 weeks ago
One would assume a dental practice would already use universal precautions, so chance of HCV being spread is very, very, low. How would I know? I am recovered HCV patient.
Load More Replies...
Anton Swanepoel 3 weeks ago
If I've learned anything from all this, it's two things: 1.) Never wander around the house naked, or some random fruit might jump up and commit surprise buttseks. 2.) Some people deserve to suffer.
Myoviridae 3 weeks ago
Some doctors have sneaky, funny ways to get you to admit things. I was in the prep room for surgery (already freaked out a bit in a gown and with an IV). The anesthesiologist comes in all friendly and says "So you had a big breakfast this morning to be strong for the surgery, right???". I say "Whaaat? I was told not to eat anything for 12 hours beforehand!". He laughed kindly and said "Just checking." Good on him for checking in such a funny way (there could have been very bad consequences if he just asked me and I lied).
Kare Deter 3 weeks ago
Many people will eat when they shouldn't. Doctors need to stop just saying 'fasting' but lay it out ... you will be under anesthesia. If you eat, you WILL VOMIT. YOU WILL aspirate that vomit. What do you think stomach acid and food will do to lung tissue? Not pretty. Not always salvageable under the best circumstances. Some just do not think it through and don't understand cause and effect. It needs to be explained.
Load More Replies... 
Kristiina 3 weeks ago
Why so many weird objects in the back entrance? Because there are toys meant for that.
Alex Boyd 3 weeks ago
If you go and buy something made for that purpose, that means admitting to yourself (and potentially a worker in the sex-toy shop) that you intend to do it. You can put a banana up your back passage while still telling yourself you are just *so* bored, or high, or whatever that you decided to just stick it in there on impulse, but if you engage in a multi-step plan to acquire an appropriate object to stick up there, there's no denying that you have been thinking about this for a while.
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 2 weeks ago
I work in health care. Don't lie to us. It's pointless. We want the truth. Even if it's "I won't take that medicine doc." Fine, I won't waste time writing the script. We aren't bullies. Level with us, we will respect you. Don't level with us, you end up worse off. And on threads like this.
KatSaidWhat 2 weeks ago
We have a patient who is getting scan after scan for swallowed [items] scare and now blaming "wifi burps". It can't belong before she is resectioned.
Anne Nyheim 2 weeks ago
Don't ask trans people about their real gender. What they present _is_ their gender. If you as a medical person needs to know og someone is trans, ask about their biological gender, or what gender their body was born with
Justin Tyme 2 weeks ago
I was a nurse in a hospital. One time we had a patient being treated for. . . I don't remember. But he was also diabetic. His blood glucose level was okay during the day, but in the evening it would go up to about 500, which is dangerously high. He swore he was not consuming any sugar. The doctor tried adjusting his medications, but the same thing kept happening. Finally, we caught his girlfriend bringing a large chocolate milkshake to him, which she had been doing every evening.
CBolt 2 weeks ago (edited)
In the city where I used to live, a loving wife, an elderly woman, nice grandmotherly type, was bringing her hospitalized husband his favorite milkshake every evening (he wasn't there for anything to do with blood sugar). I don't remember what his symptoms were but he kept getting worse & drs had no idea what was wrong. He died - of arsenic poisoning - wifey was putting it in his milkshakes.
Load More Replies... 
Julie S 3 weeks ago
Don't lie to your doctor they are not judging you they just want to treat you.
Be_ Heard 2 weeks ago (edited)
Honestly? If these drs want to know all these things about us, first there should be a universal chart or something we can opt into. And second, tell me *why* u need to know this personal stuff and i might be more willing to tell u. Like why does a msssage therapist need to know if I'm married. They don't. Why do they need to know if i drink occasionally. They don't. I smoke when i drink which is rarely. So they don't need to know. Wtv
Captive 3 weeks ago
A friend of mine is a doctor and worked at ER. Patient came in who got a vibrator pushed in too deep and he couldn't get it out. He was panicking because it belonged to his wife and she was about to leave work and he wanted it out before she comes home. Took them some effort but they got it out on time. He didn't "fall" on it though, admitted it straight lol
DforDory 3 weeks ago
I work at a dental clinic- after already starting treatment on a patient, somehow during a discussion she casually mentioned she had HEP C , but that she's cured - it is curable nowadays, BUT she didn't provide any proof of that and threw a tantrum because we didn't take her for her word. Just how ignorant one has to be??
Roberta Surprenant 3 weeks ago
One would assume a dental practice would already use universal precautions, so chance of HCV being spread is very, very, low. How would I know? I am recovered HCV patient.
Load More Replies... Anton Swanepoel 3 weeks ago
If I've learned anything from all this, it's two things: 1.) Never wander around the house naked, or some random fruit might jump up and commit surprise buttseks. 2.) Some people deserve to suffer.
Myoviridae 3 weeks ago
Some doctors have sneaky, funny ways to get you to admit things. I was in the prep room for surgery (already freaked out a bit in a gown and with an IV). The anesthesiologist comes in all friendly and says "So you had a big breakfast this morning to be strong for the surgery, right???". I say "Whaaat? I was told not to eat anything for 12 hours beforehand!". He laughed kindly and said "Just checking." Good on him for checking in such a funny way (there could have been very bad consequences if he just asked me and I lied).
Kare Deter 3 weeks ago
Many people will eat when they shouldn't. Doctors need to stop just saying 'fasting' but lay it out ... you will be under anesthesia. If you eat, you WILL VOMIT. YOU WILL aspirate that vomit. What do you think stomach acid and food will do to lung tissue? Not pretty. Not always salvageable under the best circumstances. Some just do not think it through and don't understand cause and effect. It needs to be explained.
Load More Replies... Kristiina 3 weeks ago
Why so many weird objects in the back entrance? Because there are toys meant for that.
Alex Boyd 3 weeks ago
If you go and buy something made for that purpose, that means admitting to yourself (and potentially a worker in the sex-toy shop) that you intend to do it. You can put a banana up your back passage while still telling yourself you are just *so* bored, or high, or whatever that you decided to just stick it in there on impulse, but if you engage in a multi-step plan to acquire an appropriate object to stick up there, there's no denying that you have been thinking about this for a while.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 2 weeks ago
I work in health care. Don't lie to us. It's pointless. We want the truth. Even if it's "I won't take that medicine doc." Fine, I won't waste time writing the script. We aren't bullies. Level with us, we will respect you. Don't level with us, you end up worse off. And on threads like this.
KatSaidWhat 2 weeks ago
We have a patient who is getting scan after scan for swallowed [items] scare and now blaming "wifi burps". It can't belong before she is resectioned.
Anne Nyheim 2 weeks ago
Don't ask trans people about their real gender. What they present _is_ their gender. If you as a medical person needs to know og someone is trans, ask about their biological gender, or what gender their body was born with
Justin Tyme 2 weeks ago
I was a nurse in a hospital. One time we had a patient being treated for. . . I don't remember. But he was also diabetic. His blood glucose level was okay during the day, but in the evening it would go up to about 500, which is dangerously high. He swore he was not consuming any sugar. The doctor tried adjusting his medications, but the same thing kept happening. Finally, we caught his girlfriend bringing a large chocolate milkshake to him, which she had been doing every evening.
CBolt 2 weeks ago (edited)
In the city where I used to live, a loving wife, an elderly woman, nice grandmotherly type, was bringing her hospitalized husband his favorite milkshake every evening (he wasn't there for anything to do with blood sugar). I don't remember what his symptoms were but he kept getting worse & drs had no idea what was wrong. He died - of arsenic poisoning - wifey was putting it in his milkshakes.
Load More Replies... Julie S 3 weeks ago
Don't lie to your doctor they are not judging you they just want to treat you.
Be_ Heard 2 weeks ago (edited)
Honestly? If these drs want to know all these things about us, first there should be a universal chart or something we can opt into. And second, tell me *why* u need to know this personal stuff and i might be more willing to tell u. Like why does a msssage therapist need to know if I'm married. They don't. Why do they need to know if i drink occasionally. They don't. I smoke when i drink which is rarely. So they don't need to know. Wtv
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