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“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My grandfather with dementia at my grandma funeral yelled out "what the f**k was that all about" when the minister/ pastor finished his speech.

Not too weird, but it was hilarious at the time. Miss that ol guy a lot.

anon , Alena Darmel/pexels Report

Final score:

190points

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parmadillo 1 month ago

Hopefully someone carried on the tradition at grandpa’s funeral.

109points

Ok-Excuse-4461 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My good friend’s dad was an alcoholic. He shot himself after shooting his girlfriend in a drunken argument. My friend was to give the eulogy. “All my dad taught me was how to open a beer with a lighter” and walked away.

Final score:

182points

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Mike F 1 month ago

Sometimes you just need to be honest, especially when it's all you've got.

129points

justmyusername47 , Ron Lach/pexels Report

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals "We all know he isn't going g to Heaven, he didn't go to church "
As a believer of Christ I would never say this at a funeral. It's not our place to question or judge others.

Final score:

168points

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WindySwede 1 month ago

And yet so many happily does!?

50points

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals “Ah she makes a lovely corpse”
Gotta love old Irish women.

anon , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

Final score:

161points

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Mike F 1 month ago

"...she was the happiest corpse I've ever seen." - Liza Minelli, Cabaret

66points

The minister decided to preach to us about how being gay is a sin that leads to hell. This was at my 83 year old, totally not gay, great aunts funeral. He mentioned all sorts of sins that lead to hell but didn't mention a single time how my great aunt was a devout Christian and literally nothing he said applied to her. Guy forgot it was a funeral and went right into his insane bigoted Christian b******t.

SarenTenet914 Report

Final score:

160points

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eric p 1 month ago

The only good religion is no religion

130points

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Not said but felt really out of place when someone handed me popcorn..

My great uncle was an author who worked with Ripleys and covered alot of odd and spooky history. But his favorite subject was the circus so they hung old circus banners and handed out popcorn to everyone.

Hands down an amazing funeral full of laughs and interesting people.

The popcorn was the equivalent of Phoebe on Friends handing out 3D glasses at her grandmother's funeral.

PinkRawks , Gustavo Fring/pexels Report

Final score:

160points

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Lyoness 1 month ago

Great uncle sounds cool.

58points

floridianreader , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Preacher was talking about my mom (the deceased) and how she was a woman of God, a God-fearing woman, and one who walked with Jesus in her heart and all of this religious stuff. The only time my mom set foot in a church was when she was getting married. She might have burst into flames if she was ever forced to go to a church service. She took my Grandma to church when Grandma was unable to drive and was happy sitting in a cold car in the parking lot rather than coming inside.

Me, my husband and my daughter had to suppress a case of the giggles when the preacher said that. We couldn't look at each other bc we definitely would have started laughing.

Final score:

149points

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Lyoness 1 month ago

The bursting into flames made me snort out loud. I think we're related.

70points

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I used to play in a brass band that was booked for a lot of funerals. At one funeral when I was about 13 the mistress of the dead bloke came in wailing. His wife came in with an English mastiff (think big scary looking dog) and sang ding dong the b***h is dead and then left. According to the son of the dead man his dad was awful and he only came to dance on his grave and enjoy the inheritance money, why he was telling a teenager this, i have no idea. It was a f*****g weird one. We also had to play you give love a bad name and the theme from titanic.

anon , Dolores Reyes/pexels Report

Final score:

140points

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Ria C. 1 month ago

English Mastiffs aren't scary imo. Slobber machine yes!

76points

Independent-Course87 Report

#10

We put a can of beer in my father's casket. We're pretty sure we heard it pop open at the cemetery, before he went into the ground.

Final score:

129points

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cadena kuhn 1 month ago

One for the road

65points

#11

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Not so much weird but funny. When my grandmother passed, the priest sat with the family and asked for some fun stories about her to share at the service. My dad mentioned she “worked the polls,” referring to her working at the county during election season. The priest took “polls” to mean “poles”….

BowRange , Ron Lach /pexels Report

Final score:

127points

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eric p 1 month ago

Maybe she did both. Her civic duty and seductive duty

58points

#12

My best friend died 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was a fun-loving guy who always said “go forth, do cool s**t.” And that became the theme of his funeral. The pastor during the service was a bit uncomfortable saying it and when he did, he stammered a bit and nervously giggled which offered a slight laugh from all who were in attendance.

Jalopy_Junkie Report

Final score:

124points

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WindySwede 1 month ago

Sound like decent advise?

54points

#13

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I think the lady giving the eulogy was trying to say that even though the mother passed away her love is still with us, or something like that. But she started that section of the eulogy with

"Now that you are officially orphans..."

I couldn't believe it.

pignewton , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

Final score:

120points

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J K 1 month ago

Could have been a mistake. Hopefully when the pain dulls enough with time they can laugh about it.

17points

Captain McSmoot 1 month ago

Yeah. The "officially orphans" thing can only be used by the deceased actual children and no one else.

4points

Shrek 1 month ago

Oh my god that is incredibly rude to say! Especially at a funeral! Even if that woman meant no harm and just a silly joke it was not an appropriate time! It’s most likely never an appropriate time to make a joke like that!

2points

Vivi Pettiss 1 month ago

? I didn't think it was a joke, it's true, they are officially orphans? Sorry, I'm bad at picking up humor sometimes. I just thought this was the woman stating a fact?

1point

Catharina Geerts 1 month ago

Not at the funeral, but some time after my mother went, we (sisters) said okay, so now we are orphans... I think my mother would have smiled upon that

1point

geezeronthehill 1 month ago

Gosh, I guess I've been an orphan for about 20 years, now.

1point

David Green 1 month ago

So what is an unofficial orphan?

1point

#14

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Priest: “the day (child’s name) died was the best day of my life”

He was trying to make a point about how god was teaching him a lesson through the child’s death but holy s**t what a way to phrase it. You could feel the oxygen sucked out of the room as everyone gasped at the same time.

stuntmike , Samuel Peter /pexels Report

Final score:

114points

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Earthquake903 Premium 1 month ago

I really hate religion. How can you try to spin a child's death into a wonderful lesson from God? I tell you this, when my baby brother died, NO ONE WAS THANKING GOD!

181points

#15

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals "Down I go!" a lady who was about to faint from the heat loudly exclaiming. Then THUD.

samit2heck , Jawm Ling/pexels Report

Final score:

112points

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WindySwede 1 month ago

If you gotta go, you gotta go.

41points

jacobr1020 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#16

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals A woman kicked her husband's coffin and spat on it, all while screaming that she hoped he was rotting in hell.

He [took his own life] and left her with five children to raise all by herself.

Final score:

111points

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Lyoness 1 month ago

That's sad on so many levels.

112points

FlannerysPeacock , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#17

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The priest kept referring to the deceased as “Nanette”, but her name was “Ann”. Then went further, mentioning how unfair it was that she died at 20, but it was an open casket for a 94 year old woman.

Final score:

110points

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justagirl 1 month ago

whoops! got the obituaries mixed up! hold on...

41points

#18

My parents told me about a funeral they attended where the man had [taken his own life]. The song the funeral home chose to play was Frank Sinatra's I Did It My Way.

Talk about awkward.

natemadsen Report

Final score:

108points

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eric p 1 month ago

It's not wrong... morbid but not wrong

63points

cat-clowder , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

#19

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals At the end of her eulogy, the wife of the deceased introduced the girlfriend of the deceased, who then gave her own eulogy.

Final score:

105points

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Lyoness 1 month ago

It'll sound ironic but that's actually classy, the wife being a big enough person to allow the GF to speak at the funeral.

93points

#20

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My BIL was a beloved redneck and Civil War Reenactor. At his funeral he had a Confederate flag and honor guard. My wife is black. Knowing what was coming I begged her not to go, but she gritted her teeth and suffered through it for my sister’s sake. As the service concluded they were going to play “Dixie” but luckily (for me) they couldn’t get the music to work. I thought I had dodged a bullet when some a-hole in the back stood up and yelled, “Come on folks, you know the words!”. Everyone in funeral stood up and sang “Dixie” in the church, even the pastor. We sat quiet and arms crossed on the front row. My wife and I laugh about it now but I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life!

4everGM , Pavel Danilyuk /pexels Report

Final score:

99points

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Lyoness 1 month ago

Not downvoting, but I'd imagine the offensive part was that it was the rallying cry of the Confederacy. You know, the guys fighting to keep slavery legal. Sarcasm aside, it's not the lyrics or melody that bothers people, it's that it was the hymn of the south during the civil war.

78points

#21

Not me, but my father. When he was 16, his best friend drowned. The canoe they were in tipped over when one guy they invited decided to goof off and stand up. My father's friend couldn't swim and ended up drowning about 15 feet from the shore.

At the funeral, the jerk that stood up in the boat showed up. The first thing he did was approach the mother, father and sister of the deceased friend and ask them if he could have his vinyl collection.

TheBoomExpress Report

Final score:

90points

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Lyoness 1 month ago

Clearly the wrong person drowned.

129points

#22

At my grandfathers funeral, when the rabbis had to come to us to tell us that they brought the wrong body.

suugakusha Report

Final score:

88points

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Mike F 1 month ago

Awkward.

28points

MrLanesLament , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#23

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The thud of someone collapsing and dying.

A lady had a sudden heart attack and died at my grandma’s funeral.

Final score:

84points

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whodunnitfan2013 1 month ago

Death at a funeral

37points

#24

So, my uncle Joe passed recently, and in the haste of putting together a ceremony, a random officiant was hired off Craigslist. Think Carol Baskins from Tiger King with a sing-song voice and woo-woo-crystal vibes. Initially, the ceremony seemed to be going really well - a series of community members shared really lovely and heartfelt eulogies honoring my uncle, I'm crying, we're all loving on this guy, and then.

Apropos of nothing, having literally zero connection to my uncle or the family, frickin Carol Baskins takes back the mic and decides that as officiant, she also needed to say her piece, to professionally set our grieving hearts at ease.

What follows was the most absurd ten minutes of my life - hot on the tail of lovely testimonies from people who actually knew and loved my uncle, Carol proceeds to describe what she imagined he might have been like. Namely, she strongly felt that he probably lived in the present moment, much as one does when they are walking down the stairs with a cup of coffee and they trip and fall (her exact words).

In that moment, she says, (rising into a tone of triumphant revelation) there is no time for anger, or fear, there is only joy and acceptance, because you are living in the present moment, just as she felt my uncle definitely probably did.

You see, she says, it's sort of like one of her spiritual adherents once told her - they had been driving down the interstate in Wyoming, and they hit a slick patch at 70 mph. Wait, was it slick, or was it slippery? Nono, she thinks it was slick. And so the SUV - it's an SUV, by the way - starts rolling, and in that moment time slows down, and her spiritual adherent feels a sense of serene calm come over them, and they have the presence of mind to stop their head from smashing into the windshield, and they pull their leg back into the SUV before - ah that's right, the window was down, so it must have been slippery - pull their leg back into the SUV before it was snapped off as the car rolled.

"And you see, that's what Joe's life was like, she thinks. Just a beautiful, extended SUV rollover crash where he lived persistently, stubbornly, in the present moment."

Now, all through this dada-esque scree, my partner and I are sitting on the hard wooden pew, our grief short-circuited into utter bemusement, and we are literally shaking with mirth at how surreal and inappropriate it was for this stranger to hijack a nice ceremony with her weird woo-woo worldview, and how inappropriate it was for us to be responding this way. And the thing about the wooden pews is they perfectly convey the vibration from the other person's repressed laughter, and so we sat hunched over for the entire presentation, trapped in this cycle of inappropriate laughter reverberating back and forth between us, trying to quietly gasp for breath and thinking of anything that wasn't this insane experience. At one point, we have to mask our gasping laughter as a quiet sob, which is equally inappropriate.

She proceeds, "I would have really liked to know Joe, and if I did, I think I would have thought of him as a comet, always moving forward, leaving bits of himself wherever he went. Dim the lights, please."

This is the part where we pretty much black out from lack of oxygen.

The lights dim, the haunting melodies of Enya fill the small chapel, and up on the projector screen, the slideshow images of my uncle's face are replaced with a four-minute montage of spiraling galaxies and nebulae and a single comet image, straight out of a mid-90s Bowl-a-Rama. This is clearly a video of her own design, she chose it for this occasion over her other greatest consolatory hits (waterfall.wav, sunlitmeadow.wav, SUVrollover.wav), and it means a great deal to her - she stands watching it intently for the full four minutes, and then turns to us with great gravity as the lights rise, and says, "To Joe, our shining comet. We miss you."

The ceremony ends at this point, and my partner and I absolutely hustle out of the chapel, making no eye contact, and Quasimodo-ing away with our heads down to go scream-laugh in the back alley behind the funeral home.

Later, we apologized to my aggrieved uncles/aunts/cousins at the reception (horror of horrors, we had been sitting right behind them the entire time), and everyone assured us it was one of the more bizarre performances they'd ever seen. But dammit, Joe would have liked it, beautiful rollover crash/comet that he was.

To this date that funeral is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. It was hilarious, but holy hell.

axolotlfarmer Report

Final score:

84points

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Brenda 1 month ago

OMG! That's terrible and freaking hilarious all at the same time! Why didn't anyone stop her!?!

47points

EllJayEss140988 , Mario Wallner/pexels Report

#25

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Is there any food in the box over there? An old lady who pointed to the coffin.

Final score:

79points

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Jo Maxwell 1 month ago

Yes

65points

#26

My grandfather had a whole secret family show up to his funeral. Myself, and my Dad, and uncle all know about the secret family.......the rest of the family did not.

The only saving grace was the my family speaks English and doesn't know much Spanish. Grandads secret family was mainly Spanish speakers.

I will never forget comforting my grandmother that day. She was so confused as to who these other people were and why were they so sad and upset.

It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

workaholic007 Report

Final score:

76points

POST

Kinak 1 month ago

how does one have a secret family (im not suspicious wdym)

10points

#27

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My dads funeral. My younger sister’s friend stood up and said that when she was a teenager she used to stay at our house JUST to see my dad and then went off on how they used to drink downstairs when everyone was asleep.

anon , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

Final score:

74points

POST

WindySwede 1 month ago

😬?

37points

#28

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My ex mother in law got up at her dad's funeral and did a speech almost entirely about her own horse.

Soopercow Report

Final score:

71points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

Priorities, I guess.

30points

#29

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals It's not really weird, but it got me to laugh, and i still laugh

"STOP ARGUING, THIS IS MY HUSBAND'S LAST FUNERAL"

And another on the same day by the same woman

YOU LIAR, YOU PROMISED ME 50 YEARS AND ONLY GAVE ME 48

and to add, i had some clothes i thought looked nice, but i guess they were not because she was pacing back and forth before finally saying

"Come here, you are not wearing that to my husband's funeral."

Then she gave me one of his old suits to wear XD.

ElGuero93 , Esma Atak/pexels Report

Final score:

68points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

Last funeral...the other seven, he maneged to make his way out of the coffin..

41points

#30

Kinda tame by the standards here, but at my uncles funeral, his ex wife (who had walked out on him to go off partying. Leaving him to raise two teenage boys alone) started taking on the role of grieving widow.

“I can’t believe he’s gone. He meant so much to me. Blah blah blah.”

While she was there with the guy she was living with who supported her through her tears.

Funny thing is she’s our actual blood relation, but we kept him in the family. Called him Uncle but just used her name when talking to her.

algy888 Report

Final score:

68points

POST

Wolf princess quinn 1 month ago

We always wanted my bil to replace our sister!

16points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

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#31

Had an uncle go on a extended racist diatribe about "those people". I was expecting the person who was in the coffin to come back and beat the s**t out of him because that is the last thing they ever wanted to hear.

grody10 Report

Final score:

64points

POST

Chonky Panda 1 month ago

Why don't anyone stop these people when they begin their rant??

45points

#32

My X wife’s family were the faith-healing type and some of them were convinced they were going to pray the recently deceased up out of the casket. People throwing themselves on the ground, weeping, having to be removed, slowly realizing he wasn’t going to wake up and actively experiencing the finality of death in real time. It was awful.

ceci_mcgrane Report

Final score:

63points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

Part of their way of mourning maybe?

12points

#33

"Hello.

I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on.

Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years.

And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.

Lester was alive for 78 years. But no more. Now he is dead.

Lester's wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.".

anon Report

Final score:

63points

POST

eric p 1 month ago

How do you do fellow humans

66points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#34

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals At my granny’s funeral, the pastor that was leading her service, was giving his little speech about her life and all that. Keep in mind, this man had known my granny just about his whole life, decided to go on a tangent about people dying with MS and Cystic Fibrosis. He barely spoke a word about her life or her accomplishments etc. My granny died in her sleep and other than having a few strokes years prior, was in decent enough health. It completely ruined the funeral for me.

Averagedadof8 , cottonbro studio /pexels Report

Final score:

62points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

At all the funerals I've attended, the priest had spoken with a member of the family and would make that the basis of his account of the deceased's life. Sometimes even refering to that conversation, like: " as you (widow) told me".

27points

InternationalRent626 Report

#35

I recently went to a memorial service at a rock church kinda place and was absolutely shocked at how they twisted the narrative of this dead man to be a super manipulative recruitment fair for their church. It was shameless. A phrase they repeated often throughout was “the best thing about NAME was his deep love for god” and at the end they asked people to come up and be saved. Wtf?!

Final score:

61points

POST

WindySwede 1 month ago

Gotta get em moneys!

27points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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#36

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The widow accidentally confirmed what many had suspected for years; she had cheated on her first husband with her now deceased husband. She talked about how they met and going down to visit him in another country for several years; you could literally see people doing the math in their heads.

blackpugstudios , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

Final score:

59points

POST

P R 1 month ago

Not the time nor place to talk about that

14points

#37

Old woman saying "how is your father? I haven't seen him for a long time. " to the son who lost his father.

cacosomola Report

Final score:

58points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

Early stages of dementia?

44points

#38

In college, my girlfriend’s friend (Samantha) had been dating this guy (Pete) for a while. Pete was a depressed guy who was regularly drunk. He ended up hanging himself and was found by Samantha. In his suicide note he apparently had detailed some things he would like to be done at his funeral.

Everything was relatively normal about the funeral until the pastor noted that Pete left some instructions for the following songs to be played at the funeral. Cue Clay Walker’s version of Holding Her and Loving You being faded in over the speakers. For those that don’t know it’s a song about a guy who is with one woman while loving another. This song provided an awkward contrast to the room of sniffles and tears as basically everyone learned how their deceased loved one was cheating on Samantha. After that song was over Free Bird started playing. Yes it was the full version and yes the preacher abruptly stopped it halfway through the eight minute guitar solo.

Found out later that not only was the other mystery girl in attendance at the funeral but that Samantha had known about her and Pete the entire time. She was fine with it.

anon Report

Final score:

57points

POST

Marat Singh Farout 1 month ago

Did everyone hold up their lighters

25points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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#39

In my dad's eulogy for his father, he told everybody that grandpa tried to [end] him by allowing a tractor to tip over on him.

Oddly enough, a friend of the family had died when a tractor he was riding tipped over and pinned him to the ground.

It's pretty weird.

Neuromantic85 Report

Final score:

54points

POST

nicole ツ 1 month ago

That might not be a coincidence

23points

chapchapchapchapchap Report

#40

At Glenn’s funeral the priest said reluctantly, “And now we will recite the Lord’s Prayer…with edits by Glenn.”

There was also a prerecorded message from Glenn.

Final score:

52points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

So what were Glenn's edits?

45points

Quazeroigma_5610 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#41

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals A random dude approached us and said "My bad." Then f*****g left the ceremony.

Final score:

51points

POST

Captain McSmoot 1 month ago

"' I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' mean the same thing... unless you're at a funeral." Demetri Martin

36points

#42

I wouldn't say weirdest, but definitely most "unspoken truth." My dad's extended side of the family is more well-off and as a result, pretty distant from us common folk, so we never see them, except for at funerals because a lot of them just can't be bothered with any other attempt at a family event.

Back in 2009-2014, we had a series of deaths, starting with a great uncle and ending with (sadly) my grandmother. A couple months before my grandmother passed, my dad's oldest sister lost the battle to ovarian cancer. I remember after the service, one of my dad's brothers was leaving and just kinda held up his hand and said, "welp! See yall at the next one!" and left.

The next one was his mom. Wonder if he felt bad about it or even remembered that he said that. I should ask him when I see him at a funeral in two weeks.

krigsgaldrr Report

Final score:

49points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

At a Roman Catholic funeral: "now let us pray for the deceased and for all of us who assembled here today, and especially for the one of us who is to die next." Felt like, OK, have the deceased throw the bouquet now...

57points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#43

My gran. 96 years old. All that could be said about her life was summed up (to the ten people in attendance) by the vicar as "she kept a clean house". That's it. And that was a lie. I hope hell is fun Gran!

QueenEris Report

Final score:

49points

POST

whodunnitfan2013 1 month ago

My grandmother wasn't a good person, either. I just skipped her funeral, despite my parents trying to manipulate me into going (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...).

25points

#44

"God needed him more than we did" - some priest.

KronosMaximus Report

Final score:

48points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

WTF? Like, if you believe in God, a person can't be close to God when alive?!?

22points

#45

"Sorry for your loss. Move on.".

fh3131 Report

Final score:

47points

POST

eric p 1 month ago

Nothing to see here

20points

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#46

The ill-informed priest consistently calling the deceased Julie

Her name was Julia.

snow_michael Report

Final score:

24points

POST

eric p 1 month ago

I went to a wedding where the grooms father kept talking about how much they loved having Allison in their family. Her name was Alyssa

8points

Giant_Disappointment Report

#47

"would you like a signed copy of my book on sales?"
-my uncle to each guest at his mother's funeral.

Final score:

24points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

Book title: "How to be the biggest jerk possible"

12points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

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#48

At my grandma's funeral they had a new pastor who hadn't really known her at all. A day or two before he had asked my dad what sort of things she liked, and my dad (who was obviously dealing with a lot at the time) had just said something about how she liked bird watching and had enjoyed a trip to the mountains once.

Well the pastor made the entire sermon about birds and mountains, and what they symbolized, and how important they were to her. Birds and mountains. He must have repeated that phrase in a super dramatic tone a dozen times. That's the only thing I even remember about the funeral now, and I was a pallbearer!

We laugh about it now, but I think everyone was a little sad that the ceremony was basically reduced to two words that honestly were little more than a footnote in her actual life.

Th3_Admiral Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Enuya 1 month ago

It was a nice gesture from the pastor though. He took his time to ask the family and then created a "personalized" eulogy. It's not his fault that he got wrong data.

30points

#49

At my uncle’s funeral, my cousin stood up and did a speech… About herself.

strawberrypops Report

Final score:

23points

POST

Lyoness 1 month ago

Well, everyone knows funerals are for the living, so...

12points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

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#50

I watched family members fighting at there mothers funeral about who gets f*****g what.

Weird to me.

Dangerous_Safety1296 Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago

Watched my FIL and some of the siblings argue over the "loot" at their Mom's funeral, I mean pushing each other and everything. My wife was SO embarrassed.

4points

#51

My BIL died and his side were very evangelical. They started waving their arms in the air and singing and responding “amen” to every line the preacher said. It was awkward and embarrassing.

anon Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Rachel Pelz 1 month ago

"He hated that bigottery of exclaiming amen! all the time." - "Amen!"

13points

#52

At my mom's funeral. Someome from highschool (i wouldn't call friend) said "happy birthday" knowing damn well my birthday had passed 6 months already.

turkoman304 Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Enuya 1 month ago

Maybe a bad case of tied tongue? Like when waiter says "Enjoy your meal" and you answer "You too"?

9points

#53

I my wife's grandmother funeral my SILs new boyfriend wore a bright orange crush shirt and cargo shorts.

ZonaBogie Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Kinak 1 month ago

no, car go road

4points

#54

I know a couple of people were joking at a funeral to make sure the casket was level. The deceased was a builder and a stickler for detail.

I have seen an argument devolve into a fistfight over one of the 20 watches the deceased had.

Luckily not my family, I was delovering ti that crematorium and watched it happen from the kitchen.

DutchJediKnight Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Kristiina Männiste 1 month ago

Actually joking about the casket being level for a builder is kind of sweet.

32points

#55

A kid I knew as a teen died in a motorcycle accident. He had a gf and child. His mother took a moment to state that people didn’t think the kid and his gf were supposed to be together but they loved each other. Then proceeded to play Don’t Matter by Akon in its entirety.

boosterkeaton Report

Final score:

16points

POST

WindySwede 1 month ago

I had to Google "Nobody wanna see us together but it don't matter no (Cause I got you babe)" part of the lyrics.

8points

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

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I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

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What do you think ?

POST

arthbach 1 month ago

The best I've heard at a funeral was, "Well... how can we describe Joe? ... It's a tendency to describe the deceased as a saint, but that wasn't really Joe's style. He was a grumpy, cantankerous man, who um... had his particular ways of doing things." The family gave a huge sigh of relief that they weren't going to hear a string of platitudes.

16points

BrunoVI 1 month ago

My mother sang funerals. She came back exasperated that once again, someone had asked her to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic funeral. She said, "When I die, please don't let anyone sing from the Wizard of Oz" We had to hug her and tell her how much we loved her, because my sister and I couldn't help laughing and signing on perfect cue, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead."

12points

Skadi Lifdis 1 month ago

"HEY!! HE'S KINDA SQUISHY!!" my 6 year old cousin shouted to the church before and after she poked his cheek. I was dying trying to keep from laughing while everyone else sobbed and our older cousin rushed up to move her from the open casket. First off, Grandpa was green because the mortician was not so skilled with the makeup. But also, they had told my younger cousin grandpa was sleeping. She asked when he was going to die because, duh, funeral. Our older cousin told her he had died, she started crying and walked up to the open casket. And proceeded to poke him in the cheek. Twice. Good times.

11points

Sarah 1 month ago

My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.

3points

UKGrandad 1 month ago

The funniest I heard was as the attendees were filing out of the crematorium after the service. The deceased's family were by the doors saying a few words to everybody as they left. The widow thanked the couple in front of me for coming then said that she couldn't quite place them and asked how they'd known her husband. The woman replied "To be absolutely honest, we didn't know him. We were supposed to be at the funeral in the other room but we arrived late and walked into the wrong room, and it just felt wrong to turn around and walk back out".

7points

Vinnie 1 month ago (edited)

My sister-in-law started life as the daughter of a well-off lawyer in an upper-crust neighbourhood. She is now a middle-class prosecutor in a middle-class neighbourhood. What changed? As a teenager, she attended a funeral for someone who died young. Before going in, her rich friends were gossiping about what other people wore. My SIL was so upset at their lack of concern for the deceased and mourners that she went to cry somewhere. She's a lovely person and never wanted to associate again with such shallow people. (Prosecutors aren't poor, but corporate lawyers make a lot more money - and she specializes in prosecuting sex offenders, which caused burn-out at one point)

6points

IamMe 1 month ago

After my grandfather's funeral, a son nobody but his brothers knew about showed up at his house for the reception. Unfortunately, my grandma was the one to get the door, and told the man to go away. She didn't mention it to my dad, or his siblings for years. By then, their uncles had also died, so they had no way to get in contact with their newly found, older brother. The reason she kept it secret, was because it would uncover other secrets. You see, the son was from Korea. My grandpa had apparently had a relationship with his mother the whole time he was serving there in the 1950s. Meanwhile, my grandma was home doing her own thing, and had my eldest uncle. They were not dating during the war, my grandpa knew the oldest wasn't his, and another uncle the same age, from another country would let everyone else know, too. The math wouldn't math. Maybe, someday we'll be able to find my Korean uncle, or a cousin, but we don't even know his name. My grandma burned all the letters.

5points

lla 1 month ago

At the crematorium for my mother, I was alone, nobody came, no family, no relatives no friends. When the MC asked me for a few words, I turned to the empty seats and said " Thank you to all of you for being here".

5points

PattyK 1 month ago

My cousin was married to a marine but was never in any armed service herself. At her funeral the military chaplin kept going on and on that she was a warrior for god and served her country well. She was not religious and earned a military funeral only as the spouse of someone in the service.

5points

Lee Gilliland 1 month ago

My older sister, a legend in the family, came out at our mother's funeral. She tried to upstage my dead mother! I appeared, dressed as a nun in our llocal gay bar, singing "My Sweet Lord" and it wound up being passed around the internet. My sister called me to inform me I didn't belong in gay bars if I, myself, am not gay.

5points

Tempest 1 month ago

Not so much as said but happened. When I was in primary school one of my classmate’s dad passed away and our school decided to let our class of around 26 students attend the funeral viewing along with two teachers. We were really young so we just followed the teachers. It was at a massive parlour which had several halls with funerals happening at the same time. Anyway once our school bus dropped us off our teachers shepherded us into the hall right at the entrance and instructed us to walk in line and bow at the coffin and come out. Halfway through this we were all suddenly ushered outside with no explanation. Turns out we visited the wrong hall! The people in there must have been so confused as to why a whole bunch of kids in their school uniforms just walked in and started paying homage to their deceased. My friend’s dad’s funeral was at the hall next to what we visited. We were too young to be embarrassed but the two teachers were mortified.

4points

Papa 1 month ago

I was at a funeral a few years ago for a young man who died in a car wreck, leaving behind a wife and three small children. One of her uncles asked her (again, at the funeral) if he had been texting her when the accident happened. Why would you ask anyone that?

4points

Blaze Onyx 1 month ago

Not so much weird, but I felt the oxygen leave the room when it happened. We had a catholic funeral for my Great Grandmother, who lived next to the church and went consistently. As the priest was swinging the incense thing around her casket, (IDK what it's called- I'm not religious) he HIT THE CASKET. The gasp let out by my entire family and the sheer silence right after was insane.

4points

A girl 1 month ago

I believe it's called a censor or sensor

1point

BookFanatic 1 month ago

My cousins and I (all adults) were the reason our grandfather's funeral was awkward. We all got the giggles right before we had to bring the communion offering up to the priest. My mother was glaring daggers at us the whole time, which of course made it even funnier. Pretty sure Grandfather was chuckling along with us.

3points

Erin Lazzarini 1 month ago

Catholic church, funeral for a friend's father. "For all you believers, know that he is with the lord. For all of you atheists, I got nothin" So that was cool

2points

Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 month ago

I attended a funeral that has been brought forward by about a week. I asked the widow about it and she said the crematorium had originally been booked up, but had called to offer her an earlier appointment as they had a cancellation. Who cancels a funeral?! "Oh, sorry, we were a bit previous booking the crematorium. Great Aunt Nelly got better after all." 🤷🏼‍♀️

2points

Mike F 1 month ago

Some folks are just weird.

1point

Be_ Heard 1 month ago

Me and my brother at our grandmothers funeral. We both have tears down our faces. His wife looks at both of us, rolls her eyes, and says "oh my god you guys are bunch or babies!" And gives an annoyed sigh. I've never forgiven her for that s**t.

0points

Sarah 1 month ago

I MIGHT keep this in a playlist to watch when I need to laugh. It makes me cackle like a witch every time. https://youtube.com/shorts/UfBHAj2fQms?si=B59JkmWHxucQDyMH

0points

Roberta Surprenant 1 month ago

My grandmother's surname was Heath, rhymes with death. At her funeral, the officiant started talking about her using the pronunciation of "heeeth", we all expected her to burst out of the coffin to correct him.

0points

Damned_Cat 1 month ago

When my ex's grandfather died and his son, who had not been seen for many years, showed up. His adult niece took the opportunity to loudly confront him in front of everyone about how he had molested her as a child and how the perceived "scandal" caused her parents to treat her like a pariah all her life.

0points

Penny Hernandez 1 month ago

At my great-grandfather's funeral (he died at 96), my mother's uncle, a Lutheran minister. mentioned during his eulogy that my great-grandfather had been a smoker for 88 years (true) and hadn't died of lung cancer. This was a dig at his wife who made him smoke his cigars only in his study.

0points

J K 1 month ago

Don't take being able to go to your direct family members funerals for granted. Depending on where people live and what's going on in their lives at the time it might not always be possible.

0points

Cee Cee 1 month ago

Loathed my mother for years. Flatly refused to go to her funeral.

0points

POST

arthbach 1 month ago

16points

BrunoVI 1 month ago

12points

Skadi Lifdis 1 month ago

11points

Sarah 1 month ago

My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.

3points

UKGrandad 1 month ago

7points

Vinnie 1 month ago (edited)

6points

IamMe 1 month ago

5points

lla 1 month ago

5points

PattyK 1 month ago

5points

Lee Gilliland 1 month ago

5points

Tempest 1 month ago

4points

Papa 1 month ago

4points

Blaze Onyx 1 month ago

4points

A girl 1 month ago

I believe it's called a censor or sensor

1point