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40 Bizarre And Out Of Touch Things People Have Casually Said As If They’re Normal
Interview
Words are incredibly powerful. With only a brief description, you can feel the soft quilt your grandmother knitted for you as a child or smell the delicious scent of fresh cinnamon buns baking in the oven. Or if you hear something strange, you might suddenly freeze and have to do a double take to ensure you heard what you think you did.
Reddit users have recently been sharing some of the most bizarre and out of touch things they’ve heard other people say, so we’ve gathered the wildest responses below. Enjoy reading through this list that might make you question some people’s sanity, and be sure to upvote the answers that leave you with your jaw on the floor!
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#1
I was talking to my friend Molly in 4th grade and I asked her why she was still wearing flip flops now that it was cold and she told me those were her only shoes- I was horrified! She also had no coat, and we lived in WNC where it got COLD- this was early 70’s when nobody seemed to notice or care about these kids. I gave her my coat and my mom didn’t get mad, she just told me that was nice and got me a new coat. Ever since then I can’t enjoy having nice things when people around me don’t, so I try to share as much as possible, because it’s not right that some have to suffer with nothing, and I taught my daughter (and now my grandkids) that if every single person did ONE kind thing every day the world would be an immensely better place. ❤️🩹
Sinclair13 1 year ago
I seriously live by the rule to "do one nice thing a day "t's the only thing that has kept me sane. It helps with my depression so much to make somebody else happy.
#2
A homophobic guy I know: "Being gay is a choice."
I said something like - ok, choose to be gay for a day, an hour, a single minute if you can.
Guy - That's easy, I'm attracted to men all the time, I just choose to only like girls because I'm not gay.
Me - Ummm...
#3
I was chatting to a woman in the grocery checkout line and she commented that she'd lost a lot of weight (it was on topic). Since I need to lose weight I asked her how she did it. She said her husband (now ex ) has poisoned her with antifreeze over a period of time. She barely survived. I wasn't sure what to say, so I said that I didn't think I'd try that method of weight loss. She laughed.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
I knew a guy who was quite large, and years later I bumped into a skinny guy at the supermarket and didn't recognise him at all. His secret to weight loss was a near terminal illness, poor bastard.
To find out how this conversation started, we reached out to Reddit user AlexanderKeef, who posed the question, "What’s the weirdest thing someone casually told you as if it were totally normal?" The OP explained that he's a case worker and recently had a conversation with a client that inspired him to start this thread.
After being asked how he was doing, the client told AlexanderKeef that he was "planning on putting someone in the hospital" right after their meeting. "I’m gonna go murder this fool. He won’t leave me alone," the client told the OP.
"Obviously, I was taken aback, as anyone would be!" AlexanderKeef shared. "I would say this is the catalyst for the post. People don’t do things for no reason however, and it’s clear this client felt like they were in a burning building on the 10th floor and had 2 choices of escape: jump out the window or run into the fire. The client is in a safe place now, for the record."
#4
A story from a friend - in Colorado, someone once asked, "Could you watch my wolves, I can pay you in weed."
There's a lot to unpack in that question!
That One Weird Lesbian 1 year ago
Not on topic at all but I LOVE your username
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Pieter LeGrande 1 year ago
What exactly is meant by "watch"? Look at, take them for walks, bathe them, train them, intervene in fights, feed them live deer, cuddle them at night if they have nightmares, defend them against the neighbour's larger wolf pack? Very complex, that word "watch".
Marcellus II 1 year ago
"Look at them wolves eating the granny next door! Why are they in the bed now? Maybe the girl with the basket and red cape that arrives will know. Let's keep watching!"
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
Safety tip. Watch the wolves and smoke the weed - but not at the same time.
Couragetcd 1 year ago
Do I have to share the weed with the wolves? Can I provide a voiceover of high wolves in their natural habitat and post it online?
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
While watching, you must do your best Richard Attenborough imitation at all times.
Merrill N. Munro 1 year ago
As much as I love wolves, it would require me to smoke a lot of weed prior to watching them.
the harbinger of doom (she/he) 1 year ago
....................................................................what
#5
Husband (30) and I were pushing our shopping cart out of the grocery store when a random man (who honestly looked like dumbledore) looked at my husband and said "take my hat, you're gonna need it, you'll be bald very soon". Obviously my husband didn't take it. It was super odd of him to say because my husband had a FULL head of hair.
Three months later, my husband was diagnosed with a condition that made him lose all of his hair. Weird coincidence.
#6
When I worked retail, a girl I worked with, maybe early 20s at that point, was telling me about her good friend who had just gotten pregnant because she passed out at a party and woke up with a guy on top of her. The girl was now faced with dealing with pregnancy basically completely on her own with no money. My friend/coworker told me this story with a tone of "can you believe this a*****e," but in a resigned way, at the level you might tell a story about someone not holding an elevator, or not tipping on a large bill. When I asked if the girl had called the police, she looked at me like I had two heads. I said, "...because that's r**e?" And she gasped and said "oh yeahhhh!" It was clearly the first time it had occurred to her that it was an actual crime that could be reported and not just something a******s do sometimes that you just have to deal with, so I'm guessing her friend didn't think of it either. That was a depressing day.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
But, if she hadn't gone to the party, he wouldn't have raped her, so she deserved it. She dressed in revealing clothes, so she was leading him on. Sure she said no, but no means yes. Ok, did I miss any? I was just thinking about this the other day. How many women were declared saints by the Catholic Church, because they killed themselves in order to avoid being raped, or killed themselves after, to avoid living as an impure woman? (For anyone who doesn't get it, the first part was EXTREME sarcasm!)
AlexanderKeef also shared that, being a case manager, people say strange things to him all the time. But he says it's important to always treat them with empathy, regardless of what they say.
"Judgments only serve as fuel for motivated reasoning and belief perseverance," he explained. "For instance, if I had challenged the client and told them how terrible their motives were, the client would likely rationalize me as just another cog in the system trying to make their life more miserable– to take control away from [them]– because, as [they] may reason, I didn’t actually care about why they felt the way they did. I’d just be following policy like a machine, and machines aren’t human and therefore possess no humanity."
"Why would [they] work or trust with someone without humanity? For [them], their statement wasn’t weird," the OP added. "For [them], doing anything else was weird, because they’ve tried, and probably had bad experiences. So [they] developed learned helplessness and associated those other options we may consider to be reasonable as maladaptive instead. In this sense, the 'weird' things the clients tell me aren’t really weird (meaning objective aberrations of/in thought), but rather what they’ve reasoned to be the most efficient way to get their needs met."
#7
I was at a fancy dinner in a country where meat is a central part of the diet. One man, however, was a vegetarian. As this was uncommon in the area, I asked what got him interested in vegetarianism.
He explained that he was once forced to eat other human beings, and has not been able to eat meat since.
It was an unfortunately true story of how he’d been stopped by terrorists in some African country when he was chaperoning a bus full of children on some trip.
Granted, he knew it wasn’t “normal”, but he dropped it so casually as if it were as banal as any other reason to become vegetarian.
#8
I drew smiley faces on the wooden spoons my mum used to hit us with, she got so angry that she broke every single one on me before she backhanded me into the fridge so hard I lost consciousness.
My husband, relaying a hilarious childhood story. Looked up to see the horrified looks on everyone’s faces and was genuinely baffled about our attitudes.
#9
“I’ve had 12 DUI’s, 8 concussions and have died twice! Can’t wait til I can drive again. This time I’ll take life more seriously, once I get this ankle bracelet off and my license back.” Idk what was the most alarming part of the sentence.
The OP went on to note that he has no shortage of examples of bizarre things people have told him. "I know there’s a congeries of ridiculous things I’ve said or done sequestered somewhere in my brain, but what’s interesting, and connects with what I’ve mentioned prior, is that what might be considered weird requires reflection," he told Bored Panda.
"In this way, 'weird' things are cognitive blind spots. We don’t think (unless it’s for comedic effect) what I’m about to say is weird; I’m going to say it. Instead, it works the opposite, we say something we don’t consider 'weird.' We (or more likely, others) reflect on what we’ve said, and then deem it weird," he explained.
#10
His wife was pregnant and he said: "my wife looks like a fat pig." All of us just stopped talking to him.
AlexanderKeef also shared a personal experience from when he was about 15 years old and visited his brother and his brother's fiancé in California. "I was a very edgy teen, probably the coolest and deepest kid in the Midwest," he noted. "His fiancé had said something to the affect of, 'I’m glad I was able to make it and meet you!' I wanted to be funny and quick-witted (of which I am neither), so I blurted out, 'I’m glad. Now I can close my legs.'"
"To this day, I have no clue what I meant by that, and it haunts me nightly," the OP admitted. "I felt immediately foolish; anxiety expanded in my chest like a balloon, and I wanted to bury my head in the hardwood. This was weird, sure, but I was a kid, and I was suffering from social anxiety stemming from parental abuse. So it makes sense my social acumen was severely lacking (it still is in many ways). Through this perspective, what I said wasn’t really weird, but a dollop of my struggling development."
#11
I'm standing on a corner in the middle of the city writing a text message. I hear this woman start ranting and raving, I don't take notice until I hear her say "Ya f*****g Jewboy". I look up, and she starts singing "Jewboy, Jewboy" and pointing at me like a kindergarten bully. I'm confused for several reasons - firstly she's well dressed in a business suit and nice hair and shoes, secondly I'm not even Jewish.
Thee8thsense 1 year ago (edited)
To which an appropriate reply would have been "f#@k off, c&+t".
#12
That they were doing building work at their home and dug up a human skeleton. They, and their builder, decided it was old and didn’t need any investigation so they tossed it in the dumpster.
#13
I was discussing a Jeffrey Dahmer documentary with my brother and my dad just nonchalantly commented on how he grew up with Dahmer and played with him as a kid. Turns out my dad's cousin was neighbors with Dahmer and they used to play together when he went and stayed with his cousins.
Another one regarding my dad was when I was watching some TV mystery show and they were talking about near death experiences and the light at the end of the tunnel thing my dad just casually butted in that he had one of those. He got a severe fever as a kid and almost died and seen the light and everything.
Ample Aardvark 1 year ago
David Paterson, I wouldn't call Dahmer a celebrity, more like a, you know, serial killer?
As far as what the OP thought of the replies to his post, he shared that he was shocked by many of them. "I did enjoy reading them though," he noted. "They were very eye-opening, and reinforced what I mentioned above."
"One response that stood out was a classmate of the poster in training to be an FBI agent," AlexanderKeef said. "During class, they were shooting the shit with other trainees and the instructor who was an agent. He admitted to committing a felony (I think it was a robbery) like he was retelling a story about a time he burned a batch of hot dogs during a BBQ picnic. He was subsequently arrested. He obviously didn’t think it was weird, or he wouldn’t have brought it up. It was lingering in his cognitive blind spot, and for whatever reason (probably the environment he grew up in), this was a normal part of life, and nobody had exposed the event as inappropriate until it was too late."
#14
I went into a Sally Beauty supply a few months ago looking for nail polish. This very normal looking woman who looked like she was in her 50s, but actually in her 30s..casually asks how my day is going, I said it's great, yours? She does the big sigh while blowing a raspberry...
"So my boyfriend and I are fighting. I just had my birthday last week, turned 32 and he was supposed to take me to get Sushi but he had to take his mom to do her laundry but then after he went to buy drugs I guess so he ran from the cops and wrecked my car into a telephone pole. He's paralyzed and in the hospital. They said he won't walk again and he's been calling and texting crying wanting me to take care of him but I dumped him. I mean, it's over? You're paralyzed and your d**k won't work. Plus you totaled my car and it was impounded and I found out my insurance lapsed and he stole my food stamps. I'm just at a loss. I've got 7 kids with 3 great guys and I have to raise my kids. I can't raise these kids and a cripple man too. I'm like, look I'm a young attractive woman and I've got a good job at sally making almost $10 an hour and they're saying I could be management by the 4th of July. That's big for someone like me. So anyway, I'm just going through it and no one understands. You're really a nice person. You're so easy to talk to with such kind eyes. You're probably tired of hearing me talk about this. "
I just stood there..dazed.
"Do you need help finding something?"
I grabbed a random bottle of nail polish, I didn't even want it but just wanted out of there so bad. I'm only buying nail polish online for awhile.
#15
You should get a thinner waist. And breast implants too, your breast are ugly. Also I’d like to sleep with other girls while you watch.
- my then boyfriend of 2yrs
#16
Many years ago I was a college student taking Psychology classes. I participated in a group discussion thing at a mental hospital, where they were attempting to prepare patients for interacting with the world when they got out. It was kind of unsettling because everyone wore normal clothes and you couldn't tell who were the patients and who were the counselors or visitors. One guy was very pleasant and authoritative and I assumed he was one of the staff. He was sitting right next to me the day we were discussing dealing with our parents, and he said, very calmly, "It was far more upsetting to me when I k****d my mother than when I k****d my father." I was so stunned I just froze.
David Paterson 1 year ago
Appearances are always deceptive. Welcome to "interacting with the world".
The OP also wanted to discuss the psychological concept of Fundamental Attribution Error. "An FAE is when someone is more likely to assume and judge one’s disposition versus their environment in any given event," he explained. "We all do this. Think of when you’re driving, and someone cuts you off. We feel anger first, and then reason why being angry in that moment is appropriate. We might see this as a personal attack, and reason why this person is a menagerie of expletives. But how do we know this person isn’t driving a loved one to the hospital to save their life?"
#17
That they have 6 kids, all with different dads & each dad is in prison.
"Given this environmental context, we might be less inclined to assume their disposition in the pejorative, and more likely to express understanding for reckless actions," AlexanderKeef continued. "It’s easy to assume their stupidity because it inconveniences us, even though it’s very likely we are being hypocritical. Suddenly, their actions don’t seem weird, but reasonable, even if dangerous."
"The sirens of an ambulance exist to give context to other drivers that the ambulance may be driving 'recklessly,' and it will be less dangerous if we as drivers move out of the way. The siren makes the reckless driving not weird," he explained. "As a note, people tend to commit FAEs against themselves when they reflect on the past (like the cringe accompanying my statement to my sister-in-law) because they see their past selves as a different person. But negative thinking about our past selves still affects how we feel about ourselves in the present, regardless of any temporal variable."
#18
My ex girlfriend, who I genuinely believe is a clinical sociopath, told me once about breaking the nose of a neighborhood girl who was developmentally disabled when she was 10 because she was bored and the girl was annoying her. She told the story like she understood it was wrong but I got the sense that she knew she was supposed to tell it that way, not that she agreed.
WindySwede 1 year ago
When you regret beeing on a stock photo used for this article... also wtf
#19
Someone was telling me I have nice eyes and they wished they could cut them out to keep them.
#20
"It's easier to bang chicks who used to be fat because they're hotter now but still have low self esteem." Oh yeah, and I lost 130 lbs. So that went over smoothly with me.
Milady Blue 1 year ago
Really? I can lose ANOTHER (insert weight of dude here) in 20 seconds when I walk away from you.
"I’d also like to say that I love artists who excel in exposing what’s 'weird' as completely normal," AlexanderKeef told Bored Panda. "For instance, SZA released a song not too long ago about killing her ex and his new girlfriend, emphasizing she’d do this of her own volition and didn’t need any encouragement from items such as drugs or alcohol to do so, making salient her metacognition in the event, or awareness that some may see her reasoning as irrational. But she still believes in her motivated reasoning despite reflection from others. She ends the song with 'I’d rather be in hell than be alone.' This sounds a lot like jumping out of the building versus running into the fire."
#21
A guy once told me how he loved the feeling of wearing casts, so he'd put casts on himself- for days or weeks on end. Even if it meant he couldn't drive and would be stuck at home the entire time. He'd use vacation time just to wear full leg & arm casts.
#22
"You seem sad"
My mother to my sister, at her husband's funeral.
#23
"My son and I monitor each other's p**n habit."
Diana Lucas 1 year ago
That was said by current Speaker of the House Republican Mike Johnson. His son is 17 years old.
"Pierce the Veil has a song called 'I Don’t Care if You’re Contagious.' The lead singer wrote it about a fan who lost her boyfriend in a car accident," the OP added. "He writes it from the boyfriend’s perspective, and it’s of course supposed to be romantic, but turned up to 11 where love bleeds into obsession."
"Some of my favorite lines are 'I don’t care if you’re contagious, I’d kiss you even if you were dead' and 'Would someone make me blind for the rest of my life? Cause I’d do anything to hold your hand.' I absolutely love PTV and SZA for songs like these because our first reaction is to reflect on how weird it is to want to murder someone out of jealousy, or kiss a corpse, but I think these feelings are some of the most human things we can experience," AlexanderKeef shared. "Maybe you can add this to one of the weirdest things you’ve heard/read."
#24
My co-worker wasn't feeling well and proceeded to tell in detail about her v*****l discharge. She seemed slightly miffed when I politely told her I was sorry she wasn't well, but that level of person detail was not appropriate. Why would you want your co-worker to have those images in their head? WHY?!!
Auntriarch 1 year ago
There are people you can share that kind of detail with, and people you can't.
#25
In high school I had a boyfriend (from a different school) who was a pathological liar. Some lies were more obvious than others. The best was when we were talking on the phone and he casually told me that the other day in shop class a car fell on his hand. The other students knew to put air in his hand (?) and when he got to the hospital they gave him a robotic arm. He went into detail about it too, like they put microchips in his brain and put a computer mouse in his hand and the microchips were too strong so he crushed the mouse so they had to adjust it. I was just kind of like...uh huh.
He then told me that the doctors offered to make his entire body robotic (mind you this was like 1999) since insurance covered it which meant he wouldn't age, but he declined because he wanted to grow old with me. We had been dating for about two weeks.
Javelina Poppers 1 year ago
Even pathological liars know where to draw the line, this guy must have skipped that class?
#26
Bragging about being a 36 year old grandmother with 4 grandkids. The daughter is 21 and pregnant with her 4th child.
#27
I know a guy, we don't talk often but due to business we cross paths on occasion. More or less every time we talk he asks if I'm ready for the total societal collapse coming next week, or *Tuesday*, or at the end of the month.. and so on.
I just tell him that it's not gonna happen; he usually then asks about my "crystal ball" so I remind him that I've been right every time.
#28
A few weeks ago my sister and I met a guy, went out with him as friends. He knew we both are dating someone else. Third time we met him he said absolutely casual, that if we won't have sex with him, he does not see a reason to meet or talk to us ever again. Like.. no need to talk to women, if they won't have sex with him. I was too shocked to slap him. 😂
#29
During the pandemic, I worked in one of those coffee shops some larger grocery stores have inside them. There was an older guy who worked in the meat department that would come by every day. A bit rugged and didn't usually talk much, but nice enough.
Then one day we were talking about Covid, and he casually told me, in complete seriousness, the disease was manufactured in a Chinese lab to drop the world's population below 500,000 to make it easier to institute the New World Order. And it's all written in the Georgia Guidestones.
I have never made a vanilla latte faster
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
8 billion people down to under 500k? that's a near-extinction level event. a virus with that kind of mortality rate would probably be impossible to contain or ensure the survival of anyone at all :)
#30
Once, an older woman came up to me on the street, took hold of my wrists and simply said “they ripped out my afterbirth”, and then carried on walking.
#31
As a kid I used to casually tell people my stepdad liked to go in the garage and film himself getting high and then dressing up in women’s clothes and putting makeup on (poorly). My mom hated that.
#32
I was walking to work one day and a random older lady across the street waved me over, the gamer in me felt a side quest coming, no
She waved me over to tell me that her son had just died but, her words "he was a s**t head so it's not a total loss"
Honestly, it made my day but I still felt bad
#33
I was leaving the grocery store when one of the employees came up to me and said, "You remind me so much of that guy in Colorado that k****d his wife and kids" Me: "Umm, well, that's pretty disturbing." Her: "Do you know who I'm talking about?" Me: "Not right off hand." Her: "You should google it. You look a lot like him. I'm always following true crime shows, and I finally got summoned for jury duty. It's very exciting!" Me: "Ok, yea, uhh, that's great. Have a nice day." Hasty exit followed.
WindySwede 1 year ago
Heard somewhere online that some have a sexual atraction to criminals etc (wiki: Hybristophilia). Sounds sort of this here?? (Think I heard it on YT about Bonnie and Clyde).
#34
A cashier at Target told me her bestie was uninvited to her wedding for calling CPS on her, for leaving a gun out where her toddler might get it. But it’s Okay because there weren’t bullets in it.
#35
'Oh, my parents fight every day and my father left in a rage this morning saying he was going to jump in front of a train. I hope he comes back before I get home; he did before.'
Natalie Bohrteller 1 year ago (edited)
Sometimes I seriously wonder why or how parents have the right to raise their children themselves.
#36
“I don’t know why people get big mortgages. Just save up for a few months and pay cash for a starter home!”
Milady Blue 1 year ago
Fitting into a dollhouse if you are bigger than a doll is kind of tricky, though.
#37
When I was in high school, I was sitting next to a friend on the school bus. Mid conversation, he spit his gum into a wrapper, and put a new piece of gum in his mouth. When I asked him why, he said that his tooth fell out in the gum but he didn't want to interrupt the conversation so he just nonchalantly switched out the pieces.
#38
"You are an absolute smoke show. You look just like my youngest daughter"
#39
I had a college professor on the first day of class say that she is obsessed with Q-tips and cleaning her ears and that her family has to limit her to 3 a day-
#40
Former friend of mine kept all of his used rubbers in a plastic bag for years
What do you think ?
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
Friend of mine: "We'd go to the abandoned house and play in the dry snow in the attic until we got itchy." Me: "Itchy snow?" Friend: "My older sister called it, 'best snows.'" Me: "Asbestos?"
Pie 1 year ago
I worked in a hotel. After breakfast I was cleaning up and a woman comes up and asks me for a sharp knife to take up to her room to make guacamole. I don't want to give her a sharp kitchen knife for a hundred reasons but I wanted to be helpful so I told her I would get a knife and a cutting board and she could make her guacamole in the empty restaurant. My excuse was "that way if you cut off your finger or something I'll be right here to help." It was a lame excuse but she laughs, holds up her hand to show me four fingers, and says "that would suck! If be down to three!" She got me so good. I was so taken aback that I just sputtered randomly at her and ran away to get the cutting board. That woman wins and I will never forget her.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
hopefully there wasn't someone in her room who was going to BE the guacamole.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 1 year ago
hmm. I guess humans do dodgy stuff. Anyway, here's mine. I was standing outside work one day about to go get lunch and some guy comes up with his CV to hand in to our office. I show him the CV box. He says he's unemployed, I said sure, that's why you're handing in a CV. He adds, "because I just got out of jail, so I am looking for work..." so I am now curious and say "oh what for?" he casually says "Murder", like it was jaywalking or pickpocketing or something. I say, "Ok well good luck", and scoot off as quickly as I can.
Appalachian Panda 1 year ago
Okay, here's mine: a friend at work's father had recently died (this isn't the weird part) and he mentioned that he wasn't really feeling too terribly upset because his dad was kind of a jerk and had mostly been absent from his life. Cue this 60-ish good ol' country boy type we work with sometimes who told us that, "Yeah, my old man was a real prick, too. He used to beat up on my mom and I was too small to do anything to stop him, so I went outside and killed all his chickens and a couple of the cows," as if it were the most reasonable thing in the world.
Your fav(?) nerd (they/any) 1 year ago
Me “oh yeah in my dream last night you stabbed me and so did *friend* and *exgf?* and i drowned in my blood and then i was in the ocean and a shark ate me and the acid dissolved me and when i came to i was back to the flashback of my uncle raping me and u and *friend* and *exgf?* laughed at me then went to go get ice cream and when i actually woke up i decided not to sleep the rest of the night” “what” I have a habit of accidentally trauma dumping super casually I’m working on it lol
Tobias Reaper 1 year ago
when working for a previous job at a holiday company i had a guy call up to make sure there were separate rooms in the hotel room so he could have and i quote "a bit of nookie with the wife" without disturbing the kids
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
Friend of mine: "We'd go to the abandoned house and play in the dry snow in the attic until we got itchy." Me: "Itchy snow?" Friend: "My older sister called it, 'best snows.'" Me: "Asbestos?"
Pie 1 year ago
I worked in a hotel. After breakfast I was cleaning up and a woman comes up and asks me for a sharp knife to take up to her room to make guacamole. I don't want to give her a sharp kitchen knife for a hundred reasons but I wanted to be helpful so I told her I would get a knife and a cutting board and she could make her guacamole in the empty restaurant. My excuse was "that way if you cut off your finger or something I'll be right here to help." It was a lame excuse but she laughs, holds up her hand to show me four fingers, and says "that would suck! If be down to three!" She got me so good. I was so taken aback that I just sputtered randomly at her and ran away to get the cutting board. That woman wins and I will never forget her.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
hopefully there wasn't someone in her room who was going to BE the guacamole.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 1 year ago
hmm. I guess humans do dodgy stuff. Anyway, here's mine. I was standing outside work one day about to go get lunch and some guy comes up with his CV to hand in to our office. I show him the CV box. He says he's unemployed, I said sure, that's why you're handing in a CV. He adds, "because I just got out of jail, so I am looking for work..." so I am now curious and say "oh what for?" he casually says "Murder", like it was jaywalking or pickpocketing or something. I say, "Ok well good luck", and scoot off as quickly as I can.
Appalachian Panda 1 year ago
Okay, here's mine: a friend at work's father had recently died (this isn't the weird part) and he mentioned that he wasn't really feeling too terribly upset because his dad was kind of a jerk and had mostly been absent from his life. Cue this 60-ish good ol' country boy type we work with sometimes who told us that, "Yeah, my old man was a real prick, too. He used to beat up on my mom and I was too small to do anything to stop him, so I went outside and killed all his chickens and a couple of the cows," as if it were the most reasonable thing in the world.
Your fav(?) nerd (they/any) 1 year ago
Me “oh yeah in my dream last night you stabbed me and so did *friend* and *exgf?* and i drowned in my blood and then i was in the ocean and a shark ate me and the acid dissolved me and when i came to i was back to the flashback of my uncle raping me and u and *friend* and *exgf?* laughed at me then went to go get ice cream and when i actually woke up i decided not to sleep the rest of the night” “what” I have a habit of accidentally trauma dumping super casually I’m working on it lol
Tobias Reaper 1 year ago
when working for a previous job at a holiday company i had a guy call up to make sure there were separate rooms in the hotel room so he could have and i quote "a bit of nookie with the wife" without disturbing the kids
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