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45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They’ve Done

Interview

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Sometimes our mind just wanders off in the weirdest ways. It may happen when driving yourself home without realizing, pouring juice instead of milk into your coffee, or getting frustrated with a door that doesn’t unlock because it’s the neighbor's door.

These little mishaps occur due to a brain mode known as autopilot, which enables us to carry on doing tasks without consciously being aware of them. What’s more, we can perform tasks pretty reasonably, and it’s somewhat of a superhuman power we all share.

Other times, however, our autopilot brain takes us to more uncharted terrains. So we do things so weird and funny that you wonder how on earth they just happened. Read on for some of the funniest and weirdest stories from people who have been there and done that, as shared in response to this Ask Reddit thread.

Also, be sure to scroll down for Bored Panda’s interview with Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the best-selling author and CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts who shared some interesting insights about our brain’s autopilot.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Someone knocked on the bathroom stall door to check if it was available. I said come in.

IAmMrsnowballs , Ben Schumin Report

Final score:

416points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Must. Stop. Scrolling. Lmao

94points

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Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the author of multiple best-selling books including Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams (Intentional Insights, 2021), The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships (New Harbinger, 2020), and many more, told us that living on autopilot is necessary much of the time. “That's because otherwise, we would become overwhelmed with thinking through every little thing that we do,” he added.

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#2

I feed my cat while I make breakfast. One very sleep deprived morning I made cereal in her bowl and put her kibble in my cereal bowl. I didn't realize I f****d up until I shoved a giant spoonful of cat food in my mouth and chewed a few times.

punkterminator Report

Final score:

404points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Should be up higher.

62points

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#3

33 weeks pregnant, at work ALL day, super hungry when I got off work. Stopped by the store to pick up some things, water broke in the middle of the aisle so I called my husband to tell him to meet me at the hospital, but then I kept f*****g shopping until I had my very wanted food. Got in my car(labor had started slightly by now), drove home and made my food. Husband called an hour later... suddenly remembered my water had broken at the store, drove myself to the hospital and had our first son. Food was my mission, baby on the way was not getting in the way of those f*****g tacos apparently.

Cantsleep2184 Report

Final score:

404points

Justme 2 years ago

I firmly believe something hormonal/chemical happens in the brain when your water breaks. I’m not a dumb person, but when my water broke, I asked if it was okay for me to go back to work. I had to be repeatedly told by medical staff that yes I actually needed to go to the hospital.

26points

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#4

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn't realise until I put the butter in the cage that *oh s**t*

Went to reclaim the rat, she was all "F**k off, the food box is MINE now". Already gotten into the ham.

Taleya , Don DeBold Report

Final score:

365points

Libstak 2 years ago

Lmao

85points

Lady Cadaver 2 years ago

"F**k off, the food box is MINE now" :-)

38points

Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago

I can't let my boss hear me laughing but oh my gosh, that's hilarious to picture. The rat was like "it's a little chilly in here but oh my god, look at this feast!!!"

20points

Lara Verne 2 years ago

Lol at least nothing bad happened to your rat :D

15points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

Lol, you have to give up that ham now, it’s hers

15points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

Aww, big ratty yawn! Good thing they're well adapted to the cold!

12points

Celesta 2 years ago

I don't think that is a yawn. There is something stuck in his little finger

0points

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Helen X 2 years ago

That is hilarious!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

9points

Elle 2 years ago

😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😀😀

7points

Curry on... 2 years ago

I bet she couldn't believe her luck.

5points

debrina blackmoon 2 years ago (edited)

Yeah, really keep that butter contained; it's very unpredictable and should never be left to wander unsupervised, all sneaky and aggressive so often, feral or not!

3points

Ansi 2 years ago

I bet that rat thought it was their birthday or something. Food jackpot! 🥳🥳

2points

Sandy Parker 2 years ago

I'm sure the rat was pissed you moved it. They are smart!

1point

LongCoolWomanInABlackDress 1 year ago

Rat paradise :) my mom always let my pet rat sit with her when cooking, he got to taste everything. Happy fella.

0points

Puzzykhat Fatcat 1 year ago

rats make great pets and they are quite intelligent too <3

0points

G'ma B 2 years ago

OMG! That's SO funny!!!

0points

Celesta 2 years ago

Is that a thorn stuck in his little finger? Poor baby

0points

Janet Miller 2 years ago

This made me LLO L

0points

Cookie 2 years ago

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Boredpandahatesme 2 years ago

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Catherine Graffham 2 years ago

Rats are actually some of the cleanest pets. They self groom and wash, like cats do, but rats do it more often than cats. Obviously a non pet rat who lives in an unhygienic place, like a sewer or gutter, would be a bit gross, despite their best attempts at cleaning themselves, but a pet rat in a house where there’s not much to make them dirty, are incredibly clean.

32points

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Having said that, Dr. Tsipursky argues that our autopilot system also makes systematic errors that can get us into a lot of trouble. “These errors are called cognitive biases and they are remnants from our evolutionary background. They served our ancestors well in the ancient savanna, but harm us in the modern world.”

“That's why we tend to do things like eating way more than we intend at social events (restraint bias), buying high and selling low in the stock market (loss aversion bias), and sticking with a relationship long past the time when it should end (sunken costs bias),” Dr. Tsipursky explained.

#5

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I cared for a horse for several years.

First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.

One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.

She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.

anon , Hans Splinter Report

Final score:

351points

Chloe Summer 2 years ago

Not now it isnt

71points

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#6

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn't open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.

anon , kleuske Report

Final score:

339points

Spider 2 years ago

WOW

75points

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#7

Oh man. Okay, I'm late to the party here, but I've got a great answer for this.

I was working as a summer counselor at a college, helping incoming freshmen pick classes and stuff like that. The job was exhausting, but I loved it, so I poured my all into it, making arts and crafts in my off time to make the experience more fun for the kids, writing skits, building sets and costumes, that sort of thing. The result was that I barely slept (3-4 hours per night, for 3 months on end).

One night, around 3 am, just as I was going to bed, I realized that I'd forgotten to tell my kids that tomorrow's meeting was in my office, and not at the outside benches where we'd met the day before. Oops! So I sat down to write a note for each of my students. Here's what I wrote:

Hi (Student Name),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my office
tomorrow at 9 am instead of at the benches.
Thanks,
Kahzgul

Simple, right? i sat down to write out 12 notes and I was dozing off as I did so. Finally got them all done around 4 am and delivered them under each student's dorm room door. Slept for 3 hours!

The next morning at 9 am sharp, the students started filing into my office. As they sat in the chairs, one asked, "Mr. Kahzgul, why didn't I get a funny note like everyone else?"

Um... what? I didn't write any funny notes. I wrote.. Oh God. I had been dozing off... WHAT DID I WRITE???

And here, dear reader, is what the notes said:

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that I see bicycles bicycling.
--Kahzgul

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all crazy everywhere.
You can eat here, enjoy the food.
Thanks,
Kahzguuuuuul

Dear Student (I actually wrote "student" instead of their name),
Student student student. Student.
--Kahzgul

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that office buildings explode.
Love,
Kahzgul

Dear (student),
I don't know why I'm writing this. I see it. Maybe.

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting people all the time
everywhere we go.
Thanks,
Kahzgul (and then I drew a heart with an arrow through it)

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my room
tomorrow morning at 9 am. SHARP! sharp. *sharp*.
**SHARPPPPP**.
--**KAHZGUL** (sharp)

The other notes were all the intended message. Needless to say, I was freaked the hell out. Thank GOD my students thought this s**t was hilarious, because I do not, to this day, remember writing any of those (but they were definitely in my handwriting).

Final score:

317points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

What. The. Lmao

82points

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Fortunately, we can learn about these cognitive biases and retrain our brains to overcome them, Dr. Tsipursky claims. According to him, it will lead us to have much better relationships, professional careers, and personal habits and routines.

#8

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Was at my fiances house for dinner. Had to leave early. Was in a rush. Kissed her dad on the way out.

ferretR*pe , May Gauthier Report

Final score:

300points

Chicken Nugget 2 years ago

Thats one way to make an impression I guess

110points

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#9

one time, one of the kids asked for... s**t i don't even remember what. probably asked for a sandwich or something. on autopilot(i was tired and sick) i go into the kitchen, got a bowl out of the cabinet, sliced up a bunch of ham, put that in the bowl, poured in apple juice, stuck a slice of toast and a teabag on top and handed it to him with a steak knife.

kiddo was smart. he watched me do all that, took the bowl and knife, said 'thank you', put it on the table and went and got my wife and said 'daddy's super tired' and showed her what i'd done.

she put me to bed after that.

buttery_shame_cave Report

Final score:

299points

Jaya 2 years ago

It's kind of scary how our brains can malfunction like this, without us noticing it in the moment. You could easily put yourself in danger like accidentally setting the house on fire.

17points

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#10

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I tried to put a pacifier in my mother's mouth as opposed to infant she was holding. The best part is that she was nagging the hell out of me.

Msshadow , pfly Report

Final score:

278points

Ange Marsden 2 years ago

Putting the pacifier where it's needed...

141points

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“To retrain our brains requires us, first of all, to understand the dangers of living on autopilot: in other words, learn about each of these biases and how they impact us. After learning about these biases, we can take practical and proactive steps to address them in our minds.”

Moreover, “we can retrain our autopilot system to make better decisions in the moment and overcome those dangerous mental blind spots stemming from our evolutionary background,” Dr. Tsipursky concluded.

#11

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f*****g eyebrow.

hotmaleescort , Mr.TinMD Report

Final score:

274points

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago

LOL that’s fantastic

79points

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#12

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said "Pete". My name is Tiffani.

tiffaniac , jeanbaptisteparis Report

Final score:

247points

Margaret Hooper 2 years ago

I have to ask - why Pete?

19points

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#13

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"

Apparently I looked her in the eye and said "everyone loves a midnight snack."

anon , Marco Verch Report

Final score:

246points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Yes.

68points

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#14

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Someone knocked at my door and i knocked back...

anon , Tim Green Report

Final score:

237points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Gold.

67points

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#15

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I ordered a meatlong football from subway. I then got upset when the dude had no idea what I wanted.

Then we both laughed.

SalletFriend , Mike Mozart Report

Final score:

232points

Ange Marsden 2 years ago

This should be a menu item

64points

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#16

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Spent ages cooking dinner only to pick the plate up and empty it straight into the bin. I was so tired and hungry, I cried

jefferlewpew , Joegoaukfishcurry2 Report

Final score:

229points

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)

☹️ I wanna hug you

127points

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#17

My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"

I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen." Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work. As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.

glitterphobia Report

Final score:

228points

Wondering Alice 2 years ago

My friends and I when I was in my late teens always said "you've eaten it' when someone couldn't remember where they had left something. Not funny really, but amused us. One day in work someone came and told me so and so couldn't find her paperwork for the day, I said 'she has eaten it' and went off to print a copy. So and so came in - a rather large overweight girl - really upset 'what are you trying to say'. Luckily, she saw the humour.

84points

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#18

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Had been playing a lot of skyrim recently and was walking to the bus stop and saw a patch of clover. Started towards it and thought to myself....i should harvest those, i could use some potion ingredients. Immediately thought to myself, wtf brain, w'ere outside.

rusty_L_shackleford , David J Report

Final score:

221points

Sobeida Avitia 2 years ago

Second time heading to buy a soda I saw a guy on a red motorcycle. I decided I wanted it. And mentally began preparing myself to kick him off the bike and take it. Then I realized I can't even do that I've.

84points

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#19

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth

em_hoo , AisforAmy91 Report

Final score:

211points

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)

In my early 20s, I used to spray an old toothbrush with hairspray and comb it over flyaways. It’s been years. The other day, while FaceTiming my mother and blabbing about work, I squirted toothpaste on my toothbrush and started combing it through my hair 😅 didn’t even notice until she was like “what is happening right now….”

104points

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#20

*sighs*

It had been a long, rough day at work. Once I got home I really had to pee, I pulled down my pants, sat and started peeing. I forgot a step. Pull down underwear. You read it right everyone, I pissed myself on the toilet.

EDIT - Fun fact, I never shared my embarrassing moment with my husband. I wanted to share some of the funny responses I got and finally just told him. He hasn't stopped laughing yet. (He was having a bad day so I'm glad I shared.)

RedditsInBed2 Report

Final score:

195points

DuchessDegu 2 years ago

I've done it, I was so desperate for a pee!

55points

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#21

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn't realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.

JetDrew , grassrootsgroundswell Report

Final score:

192points

Ange Marsden 2 years ago

I got a car after 3 years of bussing around and out of habit started driving everywhere on bus routes - unbelievably inefficient...but better than the times I'd find myself trying to take pedestrian short cuts

52points

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#22

When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work). One day I un-wrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.

FiveAgst1 Report

Final score:

187points

Margaret Hooper 2 years ago

Ah. The envy of all your friends, no doubt.

75points

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#23

Answered my cell phone
"[911 center] what's the location of your emergency?"

Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f**k out of telemarketers.

12 hr night shifts are a b***h.

SJane3384 Report

Final score:

180points

John Carr 2 years ago

Good afternoon. Thank you for calling Dell Dimension technical support. Said that quite a few times on home phone.

12points

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#24

Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping. Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.

Final score:

175points

Jaya 2 years ago

This one makes me so nervous.

7points

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#25

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where the f**k I put my cereal.

Aurora320 , mroach Report

Final score:

168points

SheamusFan1987 2 years ago

Mornings, am I right...?

53points

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#26

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done When my daughter was first born I would find myself burping the dog

whats_my_username16 , Mikael Stenberg Report

Final score:

157points

Local foodie 2 years ago

This is understandable as they’re both babies

51points

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#27

As most males are undoubtedly aware, men's restrooms usually have a fairly standard design: There's a row of sinks, followed by a row of urinals, and then finally a handful of stalls. The accepted etiquette for the men's room is nigh-on universal, but for those who might not know (and there seem to be a fair number of you), it can be described as such:

1. Enter the restroom.
2. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are *not* in use, approach and do your business.
3. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it *are* in use, find another urinal.
4. If no other urinals are available (save for ones with adjacent users), approach, stare straight ahead, and finish as quickly as possible.
5. If there are *no* urinals available, use a stall. Be sure to close and lock the door.
6. If there are no urinals *or* stalls available, stand behind a urinal - keeping as much distance between you and the current occupant as possible - and pretend to be very interested in either the floor or the ceiling.

These rules are in place for the specific purpose of minimizing embarrassment, and they work well if everyone follows them. Unfortunately, while in a caffeine-deprived haze, I managed to accidentally exploit an unfortunate loophole.

I had walked into the restroom, intent on... well, you can guess... and discovered that none of the urinals were available. Fortunately, one of the stall doors was ajar, indicating that it was unoccupied... or so I thought. Upon entering the stall in question, I discovered that it was already in use by someone who had neglected to close the door, and who was midway through their "expulsion of fluids."

Had I been in a sounder state of mind, I would have hurriedly exited and waited for a different section of the facility to become available. As it happened, I decided that the best course of action was to lounge against the wall - still inside of the stall, mind you - and twiddle with my phone until the guy finished his performance. It was only as he was nearing completion that I realized what I was doing, and I rushed to exit the stall before my unwitting co-occupant noticed my presence.

Of course, that was right when someone *else* entered the restroom. They saw me leave the stall, assumed that it was empty, and walked forward... right into the *original* occupant, who was making his own exit.

I decided to hold it in for a while after that.

**TL;DR: There's a party in the men's room, but no-one was invited.**

RamsesThePigeon Report

Final score:

153points

Jaya 2 years ago

That TLDR lol

65points

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#28

I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks. Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off. Thank God it was empty.

Generaljester Report

Final score:

146points

Fiona Bell 2 years ago

What do Amazon have you check in the bathroom?

40points

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#29

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done grabbing my keys, phone, wallet, etc. before work.

why is there a tv remote in my car?

the etc. included the tv remote

EarlCampbellsMeat , ThoroughlyReviewed Report

Final score:

144points

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)

Ah yes. Brought my tv remote to work once last year while leaving my cell phone on the couch. Alarm went off at 9am and my cats had to live with it until my lunch break. Will never live that one down.

56points

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#30

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Accidentally put my phone in the toaster.
Figured it out when I noticed that I was tapping on a piece of bread.

vanzgalla , flrnt Report

Final score:

143points

Bored_Panda 2 years ago

Did it get toasted?

54points

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#31

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done When I was little I had 2 bird pets. One day I was holding one with my right hand and playing with the bird. Some time later I got myself a lollipop and was licking on it. Eventually I had been holding both of them at the same time. Now guess what I licked.

Kanden95 , Dave_S Report

Final score:

139points

Jennik 2 years ago

Everyone was surprised

51points

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#32

I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.

I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.

TLDR; I steal things.

Final score:

138points

Robert T 2 years ago

A long time ago, I used to work on the checkouts at the local supermarket. I had a lady come to my till with two trolleys. She loads the first onto the belt and I put it all through whilst she packs. She then unloads the second trolley onto the belt and whilst I'm busy putting it through I didn't immediately notice her disappear with the first trolley out to the car. Just caught sight of the back of her heading for the door and yelled for security. Thought she was trying to do a runner. Turned out she had forgotten that she had two trolley loads and thought she had finished. She came back, rather shame-faced and paid for both lots.

11points

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#33

I wear a fob watch at work. Pinned to my chest. On my days off I don't half get odd looks if someone asks me the time and I automatically start pawing at my boob.

When my daughter was very young she loved trains. So I'd take her on short trips and the line passed some fields, where I'd point out the animals to her. Got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said "look! Moo cows!" when was on the train by myself.

MogadonMandy Report

Final score:

131points

Jennik 2 years ago

I once grabbed a co-worker's hand to help him across the road when we were out on a company trip. Fortunately we always got on really well! And a few years later, when he had small children, he did exactly the same to me.

100points

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#34

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Put toothpaste on my razor and almost went to town on my mouth.

TurboThetard , derek rose Report

Final score:

125points

Spider 2 years ago

HORROR MOVIE!!!

76points

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#35

My mother was sitting on the sofa. 7-month-old son was sitting in the highchair, waiting for lunch.

I walked in with his bib in my hand and proceeded to tie it around my mother's neck.

throwforharry Report

Final score:

125points

Tatjana P 2 years ago

Dont know where to put this but its hilarious. My sister lived in a bedsit as a student, and she had a small table and two chairs on each end of it, not matching. Behind one of the chairs is a Tv. Her boyfriend comes over and mentions something about the chairs and she say ‘Well, yes. That one is really comfortable. But sadly, I can watch TV just from that uncomfortable one.’ He looks at her for a few moments, thinking she is joking. When he realizes she isnt, he gets up, swaps the chairs positions, and she is like ‘!!!???? How did I not realize this?’.

6points

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#36

Post Duty ER. Was already home and asleep. Mom woke me up for dinner, saying "Food's gonna get cold", thought I heard "code", so I jumped up and shouted "where?" And ran down to the dining area only to realize I was at home.

PM_ARMPITS_GIRLS Report

Final score:

119points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

When your body's at home but your brain is still at work.

62points

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#37

My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.

shiguywhy Report

Final score:

118points

Snorky The Pig 2 years ago

poor baby....😥

34points

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#38

Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.

Final score:

116points

Nicole 2 years ago

I cooked my son a “pizza”. I unwrapped his frozen pizza, then threw it away and cooked the cardboard thing that’s under the pizza. About 15 minutes in he asks what the smell was and if his pizza was ready. I told him to open the oven and check it. Then I hear “what is happening right now” followed by laughter. Poor kid was so hungry. I felt so bad. I then ordered him his favorite pizza from Mama Rosa’s pizza!

53points

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#39

Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.

Final score:

113points

Marah 2 years ago

One of my coworkers will just randomly take stuff I hand to him, he's so funny 🤣

42points

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#40

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Lose my phone in my hand while in the middle of a call.

Thehelpfulshadow , Rawpixel Ltd Report

Final score:

110points

Gionanna 2 years ago

This totally happens to me way more I'd like 🤣

34points

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#41

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I used to work in a call center and would answer my personal phone with my call center speech.

CXDFlames , Fairfax County Report

Final score:

106points

Kahlo <3 2 years ago

This!! I was answering phones for an office, and when I got off people I actually knew would call me (we used an online call-routing system, so it was the same phone) and I'd answer for the office. Sometimes people thought I was an answering machine.

31points

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#42

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I used to work at the airport while in college, and one day I went to get groceries and drove 30 mins to the airport instead.

Protodeus , ERIC SALARD Report

Final score:

103points

kath morgan 2 years ago

My mum drove my dad to work every day for 30 years, and she will still sometimes just drive there if she is not thinking.

5points

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#43

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Put my phone in the fridge to "charge"

Cactus_octopus , Richard Kelland Report

Final score:

98points

Nicola Mawson 2 years ago

Put car keys in fridge once when I was pregnant

34points

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#44

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Raising my hand to voice my opinion while in a conversation not at school.

anon , U.S. Department of Agriculture Report

Final score:

96points

Marah 2 years ago

Happens to the best of us

33points

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#45

Patted one of my coworkers on the butt. I was in the habit of walking up behind my husband and patting him on the butt, so it was just automatic. Fortunately, coworker wasn't offended.

PerpetualDiscovery Report

Final score:

92points

Gionanna 2 years ago

This once happened to me with a roommate, she was slightly shocked

26points

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#46

In college I had a fair number of all nighters and usually had the tv going to help keep me up and help with concentration.
Once a couple weeks after submitting an essay for a political science class I noticed that the message I sent with it to my professor went something like: "attached is my water for Italian cooking".
My essay was completely fine and had nothing to do with Italy. I guess my brain just turned off as soon as I'd attached the paper and there must have been some cooking related infomercial on tv while I sent it.

sebrahestur Report

Final score:

43points

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

Mama Mia!

12points

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#47

I was sitting at my father's wake and my brain was just completely shut off. I was sitting in between my girlfriend (at the time) and my sister. Everyone was extremely devastated by my fathers passing. My girlfriend was pretty torn up and I could hear her crying softly. Not really thinking I put my hand on her thigh and rubbed gently to comfort her.

I can see my sister turn to me in my peripheral. She whispered, "What the f**k are you doing? Snap out of it." My girlfriend begins to giggle as she sees me rubbing my sisters thigh. The giggles and the whisper finally make sense and I snap my hand back and laugh my a*s off. We all had a pretty good laugh. Tears of sadness turn into tears of laughter. My sister and I are super close and she knew I meant to rub my girlfriend's thigh for comfort, not hers. Girlfriend knew I was f*****g spaced in that moment.

Final score:

43points

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

I’m sorry for your loss.

15points

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#48

I was eating and reading some stupid s**t here on reddit. While trying to scoop up food with my fork I quickly used the top right part of my phone as a knife to push rice and beans onto my fork. After a second or two, I realized what I just did and kind of just stared at my phone half covered in beans and questioned my existence .

YouNerdAssRetard Report

Final score:

42points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

‘Questioned my existence’

28points

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#49

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done probably the time i cracked 3 eggs into the sink. one after another.

tossinthisshit1 , Manav Sharma Report

Final score:

40points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

Once I cracked an egg into the trash and put the egg shell into the cake mix

17points

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#50

Typing up a report for work. Coworkers having a conversation near me. I proceed to start transcribing their conversation

Another time after work I got into the passenger seat of my car and waited a good 2 minutes to be driven home before realising I was alone

kill3rm0nkey Report

Final score:

40points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

You’d be even more shocked if you WERE somehow driven home…

26points

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#51

Spent all afternoon making chicken soup with the remains of a whole baked chicken carcass.

After hours of simmering, it tasted great out of the pot...so I walked over to the sink and poured the whole thing through a colander like it was pasta to be strained.

It didn't hit me for a second. I just stood there stupidly looking at the non-fluid portion of the soup in the pot. I felt like such an idiot.

rhymes_with_chicken Report

Final score:

38points

Black Pearl 2 years ago (edited)

I would cry

18points

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#52

My friend and I were walking home from school. I found a good sized stick, and as any bored sixthgrader would do, I picked it up and started dragging it along with me as I walked, just something I did to keep my focus. As my friends and I were approaching an intersecting street, a small blue pickup crossed in front of us. Normally we didn't have to worry about too many cars as we lived in a smaller town, but it just sort of interested me how it crossed perfectly about 15 feet in front of us. I just saw it and wondered subconsciously, 'I wonder if I could hit it from here.' With the brainpower I normally use for sleeping, I held the stick I was dragging over my head, and threw it like a javelin at the truck. If it were a video game, I would of scored a critical hit. The stick struck the truck directly on the side, creating what I imagined as a deafening noise.

By the time I realized what the f**k I just did, two of my friends ran and hid in the bushes, and the other was pretending to tie his shoe. A tall figure stormed out of the truck, a highschooler. I don't remember what he said, I was in shock, but I can imagine something along the lines of, "What the hell are you doing!" Out of realization of what just happened, I just sorta stuttered,"I uh, wasn't thinking, I, um, I didn't really sleep well," and a few b******t excuses similar to that. "Alright, just don't let it happen again."

I unofficially became that idiot friend everyone has, we never really talked about it after that

BaeWulf007 Report

Final score:

38points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

This is so f*****g funny 🤣

10points

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#53

Woke up early Monday morning in a bit of a panic. I had forgot to buy cat food yesterday. The cat must be starving. I hurry and get ready for work. I plan a detour to the store to buy the cat food. On the drive there I'm planning my run into the store and I realize I don't know what isle the food is on. How could I not remember what isle the cat food is on? Then it hits me. I don't have a cat. I haven't had one for several years.

Dewey_Oxberger Report

Final score:

38points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

You used to have a cat?

6points

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#54

Was on the phone with my boss and she was getting really irritated about something, I don't even remember what. The combination of her irritation and my exhaustion made my brain misfire, and I ended the call with "okay bye bye Mom, I love you!".
I was so embarrassed but she thought it was hilarious and started calling me her adopted daughter after that. I mean, she is the same age as my mom so it's not too weird, but I certainly felt like a child around her instead of a colleague until she left the company. I miss her ):

TheQueenWhoNeverWas Report

Final score:

37points

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

The amount of times I’ve called my teacher Mom…

13points

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Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

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#55

I have two:
1) Walking to work on a very straight path through a nature reserve. I fell asleep and sleepwalked for about 10 mins. It was so weird, i blinked and suddenly appeared near the end of my journey.

2) Got into my car with coffee and a newspaper. Carefully held the rolled-up newspaper whilst hurling the coffee onto the passenger seat.

OuterSpiralHarm Report

Final score:

36points

April Caron 2 years ago

Yeah, so on #2… should you have been driving at that point?

13points

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#56

Once I was leaving my apt, and decided to bring the garbage out with me. I had to walk to the pharmacy, which was about three city blocks away. When I got to the pharmacy, I walked up to the counter, and plunked the nasty, dripping bag of garbage right into the counter. I guess I had forgot to throw it into the dumpster on the way out and carried it all the way there.

There was an awkward 'wtf' moment between myself and and the pharmacist, and I just kind of turned around and walked out. Couldn't bring myself to go back in, felt too stupid. Especially when I realized that garbage water had been dripping on my leg the whole time.

Final score:

35points

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

That’s such a power move.

16points

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

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#57

I had just woken up and I was still on sleep-auto brain. I wear ear plugs when I sleep but I often tug them out during the night. One was on my chest and I sleepily grabbed it.

My traitor of a brain was like "it's a mini marshmallow: eat it"

So I popped into my mouth and started to chew.

Luckily I realized what I was doing in time, but I also learned it would be very easy to poison me.

aerialRansacker Report

Final score:

34points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

‘Mini marshmallow’

11points

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#58

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I have poured my dog a bowl of cereal instead of giving her food multiple times.

the_guy_guy_guy , Tom Ray Report

Final score:

33points

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago

Same with my cats. They’re not as impressed with Lucky Charms as I am. (Not enough marshmallows, I get it.)

25points

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#59

searching for my glasses 5 minutes. I was wearing them and its pretty hard to not notice that i wear my glasses considering how bad my vision gets without them.

darthbane83 Report

Final score:

33points

Jaya 2 years ago

I wonder if there's anyone who has NOT done this, with either normal glasses or sunglasses.

4points

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#60

Wake up at 3am, go downstairs, start making breakfast. Bemused SO gently steers me back, as I'm four hours early.
Or, another good one is making instant coffee and taking a sip. No, it's filter coffee and now I have a mouthful of coffee grounds to go with my sleep deprivation.

RSThomason Report

Final score:

32points

#61

I was at the whiteboard in the front of a classroom, between classes. I was supposed to be updating the date/objective/etc for the next class but I was zoning out really badly and ended up just staring at the blank board. While I was out of it, my brain recognized that there was something in my hand (an open dry-erase marker) and decided this thing in my hand must be a lolipop (?????). I brought the marker to my mouth and licked it. By the time I realized my mistake, I had a gross black streak along my tongue.

Final score:

31points

Display Name 2 years ago

Eww licorice flavor🤣

7points

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Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

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#62

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I woke up one morning in college, got dressed, left my room and got halfway out of the dorm before I realized I had no pants on.

anon , GoToVan Report

Final score:

30points

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago

At last, i know i wasn't the only One....

4points

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#63

Not me but my little brother woke up late for school one day and opened the door wearing his camo rain hoodie and his sneakers and nothing else. I'd only seen that s**t happen in movies it he literally just forgot to put on boxers and pants. My mom ended up letting him stay home and took him to the hospital because she thought he hit his head or something.

ganjagremlent Report

Final score:

30points

Ellen Hsuan 2 years ago

The mom's reaction XD

10points

#64

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Instead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it.

pyrrhicvictorylap , Olgierd Rudak Report

Final score:

29points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Lmao

12points

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#65

Locked keys in car then locked car inside house garage.

good times

Final score:

28points

Potty pagan panda 2 years ago

Had visited my sister who lived in another state. I forgot to leave her spare house keys so I went to post them to her and posted my house and car keys as well. Had no idea where ‘I’d lost them’ until she received them

13points

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

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#66

When I was in high school, I was sitting petting my dog. She leant over and gave me a quick lick on the face, so I leant in and returned the favor. I paused for a second and thought "WTF did I just do?"

DishwasherTwig Report

Final score:

28points

April Caron 2 years ago

You said, “Hi, friend!” in doggo speak.

15points

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#67

I was in the midst of an 8 hour shift at work. I had to pee for over 2 hours at this point but I was in the middle of working a lunch rush (I worked at a restaurant) so I didn't have time to go. Suddenly things calm down. A-HA! My opportunity! I rejoiced. I run to the bathroom, unbutton my pants, and take a squatting position. In front of a urinal. In a bathroom with roughly six men inside. I am an 18 year old female.

Istherepizza Report

Final score:

27points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

Oh no, things people do when they need to go :(

8points

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#68

I tried to put the cat into the tool drawer and then almost put the poor thing into the fridge 30 seconds later.

psychgamer2014 Report

Final score:

27points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

THIS is why humans need sleep.

25points

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#69

I went to a high school in the early 90s where smoking in the bathrooms between classes was very, very common, even though it was punishable by an $80 fine. You were required to say "it's cool" when entering the bathroom or kids would assume you were a teacher and put their cigarettes out. Not doing so could get your a*s whooped. Like most kids in my school I became so used to it that it was second nature. I got a job in IT immediately after leaving high school, in a nice office building where I had to wear a tie. I'll never forget walking into the bathroom and loudly saying "it's cool," and the president of the company saying "what's cool?" with a confused look on his face. I just stood there like a dope for a second, and then made up something about it being part of a song. I'm sure he thought I was a weirdo after that.

Final score:

27points

nooneimportant 2 years ago

i love everything about this story

5points

#70

Put my infant daughter in her jammies.. upside down and backwards. I then complained to my wife about how poorly they fit her.

She just looked and laughed.

nickhalfasleep Report

Final score:

27points

April Caron 2 years ago (edited)

I would legit put a foster baby I cared for into backwards jammies. At about a year and a half old, she decided unzipping her sleepers and ripping off her diaper… and then painting the wall and her crib with the diaper’s contents would be fun. EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I did not find cleaning it up to be much fun. So, I started buying her sleepers a few sizes too big, which allowed me to put her feet into the sleeper normally, but then twist it around, and put it on backwards… zipping it up behind her. This way, she couldn’t access the zipper, because it was against her back. Much to my relief, but her chagrin… my little Poo Picasso had to give up her artwork.

22points

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

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#71

I got out of work late, drove home. Must have dozed off because last thing I remembered was being on the freeway a couple of exits from home. Woke up in the garage 10 min later, with the car turned off. I got home safely without causing an accident. Scared me still thinking about it.

hoangtudude Report

Final score:

26points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

This is a superpower.

13points

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#72

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Woke up three hours early for some reason and didn't check the clock but thought I was running late. Rushed through getting ready for work and hit the road. Think it's a bit darker then usual but it could just be grey clouds before the rain. Roads are bit emptier then I'm expecting, must be lucky today. Finally pull up to work and start opening up the shop before anyone else gets in. Look over at the clock and realize I still have two hours to go before I even wake up. Almost went home but decided to stay and just take off three hours earlier than normal.

PNWCoug42 , whatleydude Report

Final score:

26points

Nicola Roberts 2 years ago

I love the way our brains auto corrects the information we're receiving. I was on my way to work and heard the radio presenters say something about it's Friday. I was convinced it was Thursday and made up a legitimate reason why they had got it wrong. It was lunch time before my brain accepted the mistake which made it into a much better day!

12points

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#73

I was woken up at 3:30 in the morning for a random drug test for baseball last semester and after I pissed in the cup, I drank it.

Don't know why, but I did it. Luckily there was still enough in the cup to test.

7-car-pileup Report

Final score:

26points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

What.

18points

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#74

Back when we had a landline I was talking on the cordless phone and when I hung up I stuck it in the fridge without even blinking an eye. It was lost for hours and nobody noticed until we got a phone call and the fridge started ringing.

HoboTheDinosaur Report

Final score:

26points

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago

Yea... I called my mother's on the landline and when She picked it up i asked if She was home.... This was 3 days ago...

12points

#75

I frequently start fondling my leg in search of my keys whilst driving my car. The panic sets in as I slowly work my hands around my body for the keys I've lost, only to remember they're in the ignition.

Final score:

25points

Nicola Roberts 2 years ago

A while back I stalled the car, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what to do. I was looking around for a key to restart the car when I eventually remembered it starts with a button. I put it down to the last time I stalled a car must have been 20 years ago!

8points

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#76

When I was 18, hanging out with my then girlfriend at her place. Fell asleep for a bit, and when I woke up she said, "you're cute when you sleep." My immediate sleep-brain reply was, "not when seven people end up dead."

helpilostmypants Report

Final score:

24points

Foxxy says goodbye. 2 years ago (edited)

Sounds like a darker ending of Snow White and the seven dwarfs.

9points

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#77

Was really tired but too hungry to sleep once.

Went downstairs to make a pb&j. Once I was done, I put the knife in the fridge and held the peanut butter under the sink faucet for a good minute trying to process why something was wrong.

Edit: I put my jelly in the fridge and pb in the pantry. The whole night was a rollercoaster.

infShaner Report

Final score:

23points

#78

Texting my wife while cashing out at the grocery store. She had just done laundry so I wanted to thank her. Rather than typing, I spoke aloud to the cashier saying 'thanks, love you'

VonSchlieffenPlan Report

Final score:

23points

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago

Not the same, but i had a coleague that didn't laugh lol, he would just SAY lol instead of laughing.

10points

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#79

The name of the place I work at begins with an "F" and I was chatting with one of my coworkers who was telling me how she runs 10 miles or so every morning as the phone was ringing. what was going through my head was "f**k that" so when I answered the phone I said "F**k this is Travis how can I help you?"

verysadindividual Report

Final score:

23points

Luke T 2 years ago

I can only hope they had a good sense of humor.

7points

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#80

When I was sick and feeling feverish, I decided to take some Motrin to try and alleviate the symptoms. Usually I grab the pill bottle and shake out two pills, but instead I grabbed my water bottle first and poured water all over my hand.

phriggenmac Report

Final score:

22points

Display Name 2 years ago

Must wash da hands first lol

4points

#81

My wife and I were dyeing some Easter eggs and drinking wine this past Saturday night and I watched her take a big swig out of orange. There was an egg in the cup and everything.

spicy_mayo Report

Final score:

22points

The leech 2 years ago

I once grabbed my drink and chugged it. Turns out it was soy sauce. Almost choked to death. 😆

11points

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#82

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I grabbed my "lunch" on my way out the door for work in the morning.

I kept wondering what that beeping noise was the whole drive there. Couldn't figure it out.

Got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.

anon , Justin Brockie Report

Final score:

21points

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

Eat it still

7points

#83

Was typing up an essay, mind started spacing out, came back around and I had typed a page without any errors. Was strangely proud of myself

sanders88 Report

Final score:

20points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

This. Is. A. Superpower.

17points

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#84

Sprayed my hair down with what I thought was hair spray. It was Lysol.

StarfishGoo Report

Final score:

20points

Display Name 2 years ago

On da bright side now it smells like lemons

5points

#85

Vigorously picking my nose while holding a cigarette and driving; crammed lit cigarette up my nose

jarindars Report

Final score:

19points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Ouch.

17points

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#86

Been playing a lot of Rimworld, and in it you get the option to set time on normal, sped up, and super sped up.

I was waiting for my sister to do something and looked down trying to find the speed up option, in real life.

Another thing is I use the Adobe suite (Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign etc) a lot, and sometimes when I make a mistake in real life, I try to CTRL-Z it. Or I'll draw something and go to resize it, only to realize it doesn't work that way...

lifesnotperfect Report

Final score:

19points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

Boy do I wish real life had a CTRL-Z option. Or a save and reload system. Also multiple lives.

15points

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#87

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Put the dinner on and realised I had no carrots.
Decided to drive to the shop to get carrots - ended up driving to work.

Burnt the s**t out of all the pots and had to buy new ones :(

forgot_her_password , storebukkebruse Report

Final score:

18points

Tina Girard 2 years ago

I've done that before. I almost reached the toll plaza before I realized what I was doing.

4points

#88

In high school, I was home by myself, rehearsing an imaginary conversation with a boy I had a crush on. I poured imaginary him a real glass of orange juice.

dysenchantd Report

Final score:

18points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

Hopefully it was a real glass

11points

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#89

Spoon into the trash and yogurt cup into the sink.

Then facepalming when hearing the "wrong sound" - the plastic cup instead of metal spoon.

ColoradoSheriff Report

Final score:

18points

Lara Verne 2 years ago

Classic.

2points

#90

I was tutoring another student on geometry (arc and area and whatnot) just after I had finished cramming for and taken a Calc test. About three quarters of the way through the poor kids homework I realized that I had not done any of the problems correctly. Rather, to the students endless confusion, I had been integrating the circumference of the circle between the endpoints of the arc. Once I realized my mistake I redid the work with him and reimbursed the session cost.

I've never seen someone so grateful to find out that they *were* doing their math right and that I was in whatever post apocalyptic math-based dreamscape.

Final score:

18points

#91

Cooked my phone in the oven.

pm_me_ur_pudendum Report

Final score:

18points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

How- what?

12points

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#92

Not too weird because it does make sense, I recently moved to the apartment directly above the one I used to live in. My former roommate leaves the door unlocked.

The frequency at which I just storm in and enter my empty old bedroom is staggering.

Manarnar Report

Final score:

18points

#93

I bought a block of cheese for myself last weekend while my fiancé was away in Nashville. Put it in the fridge like a normal person. At some point I had to get something out of the "miscellaneous" drawer in the kitchen (you know, the one that holds pencils/rubber bands/menus). I didn't find what I was looking for in there, but I did find an unopened block of cheese. No idea how I managed to put it there, nor do I remember ever taking it out of the fridge. But it had to be me, right?

the-red-witch Report

Final score:

18points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

No it’s Chucky the ghost doll

6points

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#94

I put a lighter in my mouth and try to light it up with my cigarettes

pm-me-small-tits-pls Report

Final score:

18points

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

Opposite day

5points

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#95

shaving my legs
, i'm 20 so have been doing this for 7+ years.
go to clean hair out of the razor blades between strokes: the usual way to do this is just swirl the razor in water/wipe with a flannel etc.
for some reason i just ran my finger along the blades to get the hair out, instantly realised i had been a f*****g idiot and was in massive pain

TaylorGenery Report

Final score:

18points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago (edited)

This is making me 😖

7points

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#96

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I kissed a teacher on the cheek, she told someone "I can't hear you" while tapping her fingers on her cheek and I thought she wanted a kiss...

gargola24 , Paula Satijn Report

Final score:

18points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

😨

3points

#97

I went to deposit cash at a Bank of America ATM. It was time to deposit the cash($500 in $20 bills) but the deposit slip area was too skinny for all my bills to fit.

I kept trying to forcibly cram it in there and when I finally got it through and the cash left my fingertips, I knew I f****d up.

Turns out that it wasn't the deposit area and it was just a space in the ATM where it leads to basically nothing. I had to run into the BoA and tell the nearest CSR how stupid I am and to help my a*s.

Context: I got no sleep the previous day and the ATM back then wasn't as updated as they are now where the deposit slip like open and lights up like they do now.

AgentUpvote Report

Final score:

18points

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

If you take the second paragraph out of context (I’m sorry, I’m also sleep deprived)

6points

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#98

When I was a kid, I was having breakfast, pancakes and apple juice. Somehow, I poured myself a glass of maple syrup and took a slug, expecting apple juice. Spit it across the room.

rdeisenhauer Report

Final score:

18points

Adam Zad 2 years ago

Had a 7am class back in college, when I was a teenager. Got some leftover pancakes out of the fridge, heated them up, and sat down with the fixin's. Reached for the syrup and poured some milk on my pancakes. Caught myself before it was too bad, but then refilled the cup from the syrup bottle.

4points

#99

Said "nice to meet you" to a friend.

Final score:

18points

Rocket ship 2 years ago

I once said "Pleasure to make your acquaintance" to a random lady on the street.

5points

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#100

I often have the urge to say "ok, love you, bye", when ending a work call.

swissarmyturtle Report

Final score:

17points

#101

I asked a customer to let me know if we were out of something and I would grab it for them and instead of saying "come yell at me" I said "come at me". Also at different job told a customer "goodnight yourself"

wordsdear Report

Final score:

17points

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#102

Throwing away trash while also talking on phone.

Slam iPhone in trash and hold empty coffee container up to ear.

Also accidentally say "ponyothepumpkinking, how can I help you?" Into the comcast remote all the time, instead of what I'm trying to watch.

ponyothepumpkinking Report

Final score:

15points

#103

Once brushed my teeth with a sink plug.

To this day I don't know how I was so much of a zombie that I did that.

Final score:

15points

Wondering Alice 2 years ago

I'm dyslexic and have a blood condition which causes brain fog and I only function on plenty of sleep, so I stories like these make up most of my life. A while ago, I drove over an hour to work at a schools off site facility, first I went to the school to pick up lunch - my fob wouldn't let me in, but I got buzzed. Went to work, everyone was weirdly happy to see me and I had a lovely morning. Lunch time, boss drives over bringing me a coffee. She had seen me try to buzz in earlier and phoned my actual boss - I had changed jobs 6 months before so I only had a 10 minute drive instead of over an hour. My old school had been short staffed that day, and my new boss had agreed I really should not drive back an hour up the moterway, so she could keep me. Somehow, I still managed to deliver the days lessons. Bit embarrassed people knew me well enough not to think it was weird.

20points

#104

I used to work for Subway, so I was very used to "pizza sub" meaning pepperoni. One day I went to a pizza place on my break and repeatedly told them I wanted a pizza pizza, and got very annoyed that they kept asking what kind of pizza I wanted.

Kartafla Report

Final score:

14points

#105

I had recently moved, so driving home from work one day I had gotten all the way to my old street before I snapped out of it. 10 minute drive turned into a 30 minute drive.

yomandenver Report

Final score:

14points

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Liucija Adomaite

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

Ilona Baliūnaitė

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

What do you think ?

Lucky Panda 2 years ago

Worst brain moment: I once tightly hugged a friend and said "I could hug you to death." We were at a funeral... She was the widow 😳🤦‍♀️

23points

Dixie Lee 2 years ago

At the funeral of good friend. Widow came to speak with me. I answered generic how are you with "Not dead yet!"

5points

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Monsieur Joey 2 years ago

Fetch eggs from the chicken coop, open the nest box door, be surprised by a hen laying eggs, say "OH SORRY !" and close the door...

19points

glowworm2 2 years ago

That’s adorable!

3points

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Disgruntled Panda 2 years ago

I'm so sorry but these gave me a serious case of the giggles 😂🤭

19points

DuchessDegu 2 years ago

Making coffee in a drip machine. Pour the water, turn it on - forgot to put the ground coffee so I brewed hot water. Second time, made absolutely sure I added the ground coffee to the filter, forgot the water - almost ruined the machine. Third time, concentrating hard, pour the water, added ground coffee to filter, check everything again, turn the machine on. Forgot the coffee pot and coffee dripped all over counter (non-drip device my bum!)

12points

James016 2 years ago

Many years ago I made a quick dinner popping something in the oven from the freezer. I was very hungry so when the timer beeped, I was happy. I opened the oven and it was empty. I just stood there confused for a few moments wondering where my dinner had gone. I had also boiled the kettle so I could make a tea, when I opened the fridge to get the milk, lo and behold, there was the oven tray with my dinner on it.

10points

elsieairhead 2 years ago

Cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard is my best hahaha

1point

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Amanda Powers 2 years ago

When my daughter was first born, I was utterly exhausted. I drove her to a doctor appt, and while I'm driving, I had a panic attack because I didn't know where my keys were. I called my husband in hysterics. He thought I called him to joke. He asked me where I was: "I'm driving to the doctor." Then said, "But you don't know where your keys are?" And I got so upset that he was not helping that I hung up on him. It wasn't until I pulled in to the doctor's office, crying (new keys are so expensive! How am I going to get home?), with a baby in the back seat, that I realized I had my keys the entire time. 🤦🏼‍♀️

7points

Lynn Dougherty Quin 2 years ago

That sounds exactly lije something I would do!

1point

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carlita 2 years ago

If you howl, my dog will howl with you and sometimes I do it randomly when Im with him. One day at school I let out a random howl and everyone gave me weird looks.

7points

Foxxy says goodbye. 2 years ago

These gave me a really good laugh. I've had many moments like these, here are two. 1. I planned on making a slow cooked goulash. After a few hours I went to give it a stir and realised I hadn't even turned the slow cooker on. 2. I had an x-ray appt and needed to bus it there. I got off at the wrong bus stop and started walking to another specialist centre. I realised my mistake and only had 12 minutes until my appt. No time to catch a bus. Called a taxi and literally made on the dot.

7points

Alicia Gee 2 years ago

Why are you saying goodbye?

4points

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Dandelion Girl 2 years ago

One time my brother and I were at a store and we asked one of the employees for something because we couldn't find it. He goes through the usual motions, "We might have that in the back, I'll check for you, may I recommend ____ as an alternative?" Then just out of the blue he goes, "I won't be back" and runs off. Brother and I are both like ??? Then he comes back laughing with the aforementioned product in his hand. Apparently he tried to say "I won't be long" and "I'll be right back" at the same time and his brain mashed them together. Still gives us quite a few laughs lmaooo

6points

Cowws 2 years ago

Who hasn't called their teacher 'Mum' or 'Dad' at least once; happened to a girl in my class just today

6points

elsieairhead 2 years ago

I've walked into a lamppost and apologised to it. I've also waited for someone to leave the petrol garage (lockdown, one in one out) only to realise it was my own reflection in the door. We're all mad here.

5points

Kate Abernathy 2 years ago

LOL I used to work at a Dairy Queen and took drive thru orders all day...On my day off I called in a pizza order and after telling the person what I wanted I asked him "anything else?" in my customer service voice. Thankfully I don't think he noticed (or at least he didn't comment!) but I felt pretty dumb

5points

Christine 2 years ago

I find it hard to not fall into server mode when in restaurants or when handing somebody something: "need anything else?" or when eating with someone asking them how it is even if it's something like cereal or mac & cheese. I know how it is, I just need to confirm.

0points

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FloC 2 years ago

Once I was bringing my cat the the vet and when I put the carrier at the back of the car I found a tic tac. I had been to a wedding with some colleagues a few months before and one had a pack of tic tac, one must have fallen on the seat. And then I suddenly felt the taste of mint in my mouth.

4points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

Hands down, pouring orange juice into a glass.... that already had milk in it. Oh yeah. Brain said OJ goes in glass. Brain did not check glass first!

4points

FlickeringLight 2 years ago

I'm an RN, and after a long week of night shifts, I was at the shops, and when the cashier finished checking me out and said goodbye, I said "Not a problem, make sure to buzz me if you need anything, I'll be back to check on you later". She laughed and told me to go home and get to bed.

3points

Lene 2 years ago

I was about 7 years old, going to visit my grandma and her husband. I ring the door bell, grandma's husband gets on the speaker saying "hello?" And I was standing out there on the street replying "hi! Come on in!" Makes me laugh still... it's over 30 years ago!!! Lol. Or the time when my mom had this machine that I don't recall the English name for... it shows the number of whomever called your landline phone. Anyways, my mom's at work whrn I come home from school. I notice that someone has called and I see the number on the display. I know that I know the number. I call my mom to let her know that someone with *that and that* phone number called and I find the number very familiar but can't figure out who it may be. She also can't figure it out. We talk back and forth a bit.... then it dawns on me: it was MY number. I had called home on my way home from school and forgot that she had a long work-day that day. I had spent ca. 15min trying to remember who had that number. It was me!!!

3points

Anya 2 years ago

Used to volunteer in distress hotline and we would sometimes get people calling just to mastrubate while talking to us. You could tell by the heavy breathing so we would usually call them out “sir, are you mastrubating right now?” One night after a very tiring day I’m talking to a friend on the phone. The said friend and walking somewhere and breathing heavily, without thinking I call her out “Name, are you mastrubating right now?” Great times

3points

Christine 2 years ago

Oh my god, that's hilarious!

0points

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glowworm2 2 years ago

I accidentally put hot dog relish on my cheese sandwich instead of mustard. The mustard in question was a honey one that came in a glass jar and was on the side door of the fridge. The same went for the hot dog relish. I didn’t even realize my mistake until I started wondering why I tasted pickles in my sandwich. It actually tasted pretty good.

3points

Monika Lachova 2 years ago

Regularly tried to unlock office door with gate chip and then tried to unlock block gate with the office badge even wondering why it is not working.

3points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

When I'm home alone I like to make random, loud noises for no reason other than I want to, but I never really do it in public because obviously I would get weird looks. Well, one time I was in class when it was quiet and I just made one of my noises suddenly without thinking and everyone turned to look at me and honestly I just really wanted to die. Also, I've thrown away dishes and napkins and such and put food in the sink.

3points

Colin Matthews 2 years ago

Got a good one. After our first child was born we were bottle feeding her through the night. I was working long days and getting up every 2-3 hours at night as my wife was exhausted from birth. After roughly 6 months of this we went to a new parents group where we all had to introduce ourselves. I stood up and said "Hi everyone-this is my wife --------- and our daughter---------" I was so sleep deprived I had genuinely forgotten my wife and daughters names. A couple of sympathetic nods from other folk in the place too though.

2points

Michael Rowe 2 years ago

Waited too long to get lunch. Cute young sandwhich artist comments "this looks good, I might just eat it". The words hit my ears in slow motion as my mouth actually says "I'm pretty hungry, I might just eat you". Nobody in the whole place says a word as I pay and leave. I didn't return to that location for at least six months. I hope she wasn't too traumatized.

2points

MediumPimpin 2 years ago

At the gas station, getting coffee. Pour sugar packet into trash and toss empty packet into coffee. I've done this too many times.

2points

John Dilligaf 2 years ago

I graduated high school. That fall on the first day of the new school year I got up , got dressed and was pulling into the school parking lot before I remembered that I had, in fact , graduated.

2points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

-Frantically looking around for my phone. Which was in my hand. -My mum told me how she'd been to a place on the far side of town for lunch. Told her I was going to a party that evening and she said how was I going to get all the way there in time? I said oh I'll just take my bicycle, and she was like ??? and it turns out I had absent-mindedly told her the party was in the same suburb where she'd had lunch when in reality it was the next block over! I still have no memory of saying it.

2points

Heather Wolmarans 2 years ago (edited)

Before cellphones we all had landlines. Sitting in my flat one day, thinking 'I really should call Alistair'. Phone rings. I pick up, and say 'Hi, please can I speak to Alistair'. Dead silence for a moment, then the caller said 'Sorry, he's not here', and we said goodbye. Laughed 'til I almost peed when I realised what I'd done.

1point

Squirrel Girl 2 years ago

one time i was in the shower and decided to shave my beard. i did not have a beard. i was 11 and a girl. i cut beneath my nose and had a mustache scar for a month

1point

Aisling Raye 2 years ago

Literally this morning - made cottage cheese with sliced peaches. Went to the table to eat. Realize I have nothing. Cottage cheese container is in fridge (okay makes sense) peach pit is in cottage cheese container (little weird but okay) bowl with my food in it has been placed back in the cupboard with the rest of the dishes, knife is in the trash. I really need to get more sleep. OH, I just realized that I forgot about yesterday - went to the store to buy the things I ate for breakfast this am. Sitting in car, i checked to make sure my grocery list was in my wallet. Close wallet, throw over my shoulder into the back seat. Can't wrap my head around that one.

1point

Bob La Capra 2 years ago

1) Coin op laundry in my apartment. Took clothes from the washer, tossed them in the dryer. Tossed the softener sheet in the dryer. Tossed the quarters in the dryer. 2) Noticed that I didn't have any clean dinner plates. Found them in the oven. 3) Spray cleaner was not in the cupboard where it should be. Found in the refrigerator. 4) Put food in the microwave. Set the time for 1:30. Cursed having to buy a new microwave because it apparently no longer words. Pressed Start, all good.

1point

kim morris 2 years ago

I'm VERY PISSED I missed adding to this list. Went to Ikea to get a pillow, ended up ordering a new sofa! So out of character, and excited for this decision, I gave them the wrong address. Had it delivered to a house I hadn't lived in for 30 years. My dad's house. It was delivered, with no one there. He called me swearing up a storm for 10 minutes before I could even figure out what he was yelling at me for. Then I had to call Ikea delivery and get them to re-deliver it to the correct address because they left it at his house 4 hours earlier than promised, when no one was home. So no one to check off on the delivery. A total s**t-show. Because I had a brain fart because I was so excited about getting a new sofa. Now when I sit on it, I have PTSD of my father swearing up a storm at me, and I can't enjoy it.

1point

elsieairhead 2 years ago

Pressing my car key fob for a good 5 seconds to unlock my front door as well - that's a regular one for me.

1point

Lara Verne 2 years ago

Went home from work, make myself dinner. And couldn't find my phone anywhere. I thought I left it at work. Then my fridge started ringing. My phone was in the fridge, right next to milk. No idea how it got inside.

1point

Lady Fos-Boss 2 years ago

I usually answer something like "Have a great day" with something along the lines o "Don't tell me what to do" when I'm with friends and family. Walking to school one day, and my brain on auto piolet mode, a teacher or parent volunteer was directing traffic, and as I crossed the Drop-off/pick-up lane they said "Have a great day!" To which I automatically replied "Don't tell me what to do" And continued walking

0points

Patrick Schussler 2 years ago

There have been times I have been looking for my glasses while they are on my face. I go all throughout the house and it takes someone to stop me and say "What are you looking for?" At that moment I knew I messed up badly.

0points

Marvelous Rex 2 years ago

Note: I had recently found that the switch that shuts my dryer off when I open the door, quit working. So when it was running, you could open the door and it just keeps on running. I was in my wash room, listening to a music app on my phone while I was getting clothes out of the washer. Finished putting clothes in the dryer and picked up my phone to change songs, which was sitting on top of the dryer. When I picked up my phone, I realized I had dropped a sock. I was still scrolling through songs in my left hand while I reached down to pick up the sock with my right. I reached up and opened the dryer door, also with my right, and absentmindedly tossed my phone into the dryer. In retrospect, I could have just turned the k**b until it ended the cycle, but at the time I didn't think of it. So instead, was about a minute of me trying to catch my phone as it bounced off the inside of the dryer. Amazingly, the phone still works fine and all it did was crack a piece of the protective case .

0points

AllZall 2 years ago (edited)

I once brought my home phone to work and wondered why I don't have a signal. * When my brother had his finals he forgot to take the calculator with him. He called home, only getting our disabled granddad and told him he needs a calculator but he's going to call our mother on the mobile phone. 40 Minutes later, granddad showed up at school. He brought the calculator in last minute. Problem was, that it was his TVs remote control.. (I loved him so much for doing this, he got a leg that barely can stand and he was already around 80, he made the trip to the school mostly hill up, had to walk back home, which happens to also be up hill).* I'm a nurse and some days i just knocked on the door of a room I was leaving lol I was sleeping in pregnancy, all good. Until my husband woke me up and asked me why the heck I was eating toast laying down in bed. The other week he cought me before the fridge, binging on chocolate cake, topped with salami

0points

Pam 2 years ago

I feel so much better after reading these, as funny as they are, I know I’m not the only person who has done crazy embarrassing things! Thank you.

0points

Omiyaru 2 years ago (edited)

This did not disapoint, I laffed so hard that the change in pressure caused a nosebleed. I've fostered cats through y life, and apparently I have picked up some mannerisms from them. Like the head bumps and hissing While I was having a conversation, my friend was going to place he lunch down. And moved my phone I promptly hissed at her... I realized what I did and my face flushed.

0points

Alex MacNeil 2 years ago

I've done this several times. Whilst driving, when the lights change, I stop. Regardless whether it's gone green to red or red to green, my amygdala sees a change and is like "BRAKE!"

0points

WildHoneyPie 2 years ago

Back in the day when you'd check books out for people instead of having them use a self check out machine, I handed a woman her change for something and told her it'd be due in three weeks.

0points

Cass Malone 2 years ago

On my way to work, had to take the interstate. I ended up missing my exit to go to the exit for my bfs work exit. Had to call n tell them I was gonna be late cuz I was going to pick up my man instead of going to work

0points

NotTodaySatan!! 2 years ago

I've had my share, but I'm sharing with you one of my mom's moments because it is the most amusing as far as I'm concerned. So my mom was an ER Dr and worked 12 hr shifts that often ran over. It was around Christmas and everyone was going home to mom's. We (mom and I) drove 1.5 hrs to pick up my sister at the airport. The entire way, we discussed Christmas, but mostly funny ideas for our family dirty Santa game gifts. We pick up my sister who joins the conversation the 1.5 hrs home. We decided to go look for our gifts rather than going straight to the house. So we are still talking, arrive at Walmart, walking in there was a display of six packs of beer. My sister interrupted my mom, who was saying another idea for a gift she had, to say, "hey! What about a 6 pack and get an ice chest??". My mom instantly comes back with, "for what?". The more we carried on asking if she was serious and what did she *think* it was for the more confusion there was. I finally said, "the game mom!" While r

0points

NotTodaySatan!! 2 years ago

While rolling my eyes. To which she asks, "what game". She was far too tired to be doing any shopping and I was then just thanking God she managed to get us to Tulsa to the airport and back in one piece. Hahaha! She was a tremendously smart woman. Book smart. But wasn't loaded with common sense, so we had these moments quite often.

0points

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Destinee Davis 2 years ago

I bumped into a maniquin in a store looked back and said "oh sorry" looked forward, a few seconds later look back again and say "oh I thought you were alive" and laughed before realizing I was still talking to plastic.

0points

Hollie Marie 2 years ago

I used to work in a supermarket and used a safety knife, after I left that job and got a new one it took me months to stop patting myself down looking for the knife when I saw a cardboard box xD

0points

The Starsong Princess 2 years ago

I have an unfortunate tendency to drive on autopilot. Went to pick up my grandmother to bring her to my house for Sunday dinner. I drove in the opposite direction to my office and parked. I was half to the elevators before I realized I was in the wrong place.

0points

Kylee Bartlett 2 years ago

loll thats funny

0points

Lucky Panda 2 years ago

Worst brain moment: I once tightly hugged a friend and said "I could hug you to death." We were at a funeral... She was the widow 😳🤦‍♀️

23points

Dixie Lee 2 years ago

At the funeral of good friend. Widow came to speak with me. I answered generic how are you with "Not dead yet!"

5points

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Monsieur Joey 2 years ago

Fetch eggs from the chicken coop, open the nest box door, be surprised by a hen laying eggs, say "OH SORRY !" and close the door...

19points

glowworm2 2 years ago

That’s adorable!

3points

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Disgruntled Panda 2 years ago

I'm so sorry but these gave me a serious case of the giggles 😂🤭

19points

DuchessDegu 2 years ago

Making coffee in a drip machine. Pour the water, turn it on - forgot to put the ground coffee so I brewed hot water. Second time, made absolutely sure I added the ground coffee to the filter, forgot the water - almost ruined the machine. Third time, concentrating hard, pour the water, added ground coffee to filter, check everything again, turn the machine on. Forgot the coffee pot and coffee dripped all over counter (non-drip device my bum!)

12points

James016 2 years ago

Many years ago I made a quick dinner popping something in the oven from the freezer. I was very hungry so when the timer beeped, I was happy. I opened the oven and it was empty. I just stood there confused for a few moments wondering where my dinner had gone. I had also boiled the kettle so I could make a tea, when I opened the fridge to get the milk, lo and behold, there was the oven tray with my dinner on it.

10points

elsieairhead 2 years ago

Cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard is my best hahaha

1point

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Amanda Powers 2 years ago

When my daughter was first born, I was utterly exhausted. I drove her to a doctor appt, and while I'm driving, I had a panic attack because I didn't know where my keys were. I called my husband in hysterics. He thought I called him to joke. He asked me where I was: "I'm driving to the doctor." Then said, "But you don't know where your keys are?" And I got so upset that he was not helping that I hung up on him. It wasn't until I pulled in to the doctor's office, crying (new keys are so expensive! How am I going to get home?), with a baby in the back seat, that I realized I had my keys the entire time. 🤦🏼‍♀️

7points

Lynn Dougherty Quin 2 years ago

That sounds exactly lije something I would do!

1point

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carlita 2 years ago

If you howl, my dog will howl with you and sometimes I do it randomly when Im with him. One day at school I let out a random howl and everyone gave me weird looks.

7points

Foxxy says goodbye. 2 years ago

These gave me a really good laugh. I've had many moments like these, here are two. 1. I planned on making a slow cooked goulash. After a few hours I went to give it a stir and realised I hadn't even turned the slow cooker on. 2. I had an x-ray appt and needed to bus it there. I got off at the wrong bus stop and started walking to another specialist centre. I realised my mistake and only had 12 minutes until my appt. No time to catch a bus. Called a taxi and literally made on the dot.

7points

Alicia Gee 2 years ago

Why are you saying goodbye?

4points

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Dandelion Girl 2 years ago

One time my brother and I were at a store and we asked one of the employees for something because we couldn't find it. He goes through the usual motions, "We might have that in the back, I'll check for you, may I recommend ____ as an alternative?" Then just out of the blue he goes, "I won't be back" and runs off. Brother and I are both like ??? Then he comes back laughing with the aforementioned product in his hand. Apparently he tried to say "I won't be long" and "I'll be right back" at the same time and his brain mashed them together. Still gives us quite a few laughs lmaooo

6points

Cowws 2 years ago

Who hasn't called their teacher 'Mum' or 'Dad' at least once; happened to a girl in my class just today

6points

elsieairhead 2 years ago

I've walked into a lamppost and apologised to it. I've also waited for someone to leave the petrol garage (lockdown, one in one out) only to realise it was my own reflection in the door. We're all mad here.

5points

Kate Abernathy 2 years ago

LOL I used to work at a Dairy Queen and took drive thru orders all day...On my day off I called in a pizza order and after telling the person what I wanted I asked him "anything else?" in my customer service voice. Thankfully I don't think he noticed (or at least he didn't comment!) but I felt pretty dumb

5points

Christine 2 years ago

I find it hard to not fall into server mode when in restaurants or when handing somebody something: "need anything else?" or when eating with someone asking them how it is even if it's something like cereal or mac & cheese. I know how it is, I just need to confirm.

0points

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FloC 2 years ago

Once I was bringing my cat the the vet and when I put the carrier at the back of the car I found a tic tac. I had been to a wedding with some colleagues a few months before and one had a pack of tic tac, one must have fallen on the seat. And then I suddenly felt the taste of mint in my mouth.

4points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

Hands down, pouring orange juice into a glass.... that already had milk in it. Oh yeah. Brain said OJ goes in glass. Brain did not check glass first!

4points

FlickeringLight 2 years ago

I'm an RN, and after a long week of night shifts, I was at the shops, and when the cashier finished checking me out and said goodbye, I said "Not a problem, make sure to buzz me if you need anything, I'll be back to check on you later". She laughed and told me to go home and get to bed.

3points

Lene 2 years ago

I was about 7 years old, going to visit my grandma and her husband. I ring the door bell, grandma's husband gets on the speaker saying "hello?" And I was standing out there on the street replying "hi! Come on in!" Makes me laugh still... it's over 30 years ago!!! Lol. Or the time when my mom had this machine that I don't recall the English name for... it shows the number of whomever called your landline phone. Anyways, my mom's at work whrn I come home from school. I notice that someone has called and I see the number on the display. I know that I know the number. I call my mom to let her know that someone with *that and that* phone number called and I find the number very familiar but can't figure out who it may be. She also can't figure it out. We talk back and forth a bit.... then it dawns on me: it was MY number. I had called home on my way home from school and forgot that she had a long work-day that day. I had spent ca. 15min trying to remember who had that number. It was me!!!

3points

Anya 2 years ago

Used to volunteer in distress hotline and we would sometimes get people calling just to mastrubate while talking to us. You could tell by the heavy breathing so we would usually call them out “sir, are you mastrubating right now?” One night after a very tiring day I’m talking to a friend on the phone. The said friend and walking somewhere and breathing heavily, without thinking I call her out “Name, are you mastrubating right now?” Great times

3points

Christine 2 years ago

Oh my god, that's hilarious!

0points

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glowworm2 2 years ago

I accidentally put hot dog relish on my cheese sandwich instead of mustard. The mustard in question was a honey one that came in a glass jar and was on the side door of the fridge. The same went for the hot dog relish. I didn’t even realize my mistake until I started wondering why I tasted pickles in my sandwich. It actually tasted pretty good.

3points

Monika Lachova 2 years ago

Regularly tried to unlock office door with gate chip and then tried to unlock block gate with the office badge even wondering why it is not working.

3points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

When I'm home alone I like to make random, loud noises for no reason other than I want to, but I never really do it in public because obviously I would get weird looks. Well, one time I was in class when it was quiet and I just made one of my noises suddenly without thinking and everyone turned to look at me and honestly I just really wanted to die. Also, I've thrown away dishes and napkins and such and put food in the sink.

3points

Colin Matthews 2 years ago

Got a good one. After our first child was born we were bottle feeding her through the night. I was working long days and getting up every 2-3 hours at night as my wife was exhausted from birth. After roughly 6 months of this we went to a new parents group where we all had to introduce ourselves. I stood up and said "Hi everyone-this is my wife --------- and our daughter---------" I was so sleep deprived I had genuinely forgotten my wife and daughters names. A couple of sympathetic nods from other folk in the place too though.

2points

Michael Rowe 2 years ago

Waited too long to get lunch. Cute young sandwhich artist comments "this looks good, I might just eat it". The words hit my ears in slow motion as my mouth actually says "I'm pretty hungry, I might just eat you". Nobody in the whole place says a word as I pay and leave. I didn't return to that location for at least six months. I hope she wasn't too traumatized.

2points

MediumPimpin 2 years ago

At the gas station, getting coffee. Pour sugar packet into trash and toss empty packet into coffee. I've done this too many times.

2points

John Dilligaf 2 years ago

I graduated high school. That fall on the first day of the new school year I got up , got dressed and was pulling into the school parking lot before I remembered that I had, in fact , graduated.

2points

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

-Frantically looking around for my phone. Which was in my hand. -My mum told me how she'd been to a place on the far side of town for lunch. Told her I was going to a party that evening and she said how was I going to get all the way there in time? I said oh I'll just take my bicycle, and she was like ??? and it turns out I had absent-mindedly told her the party was in the same suburb where she'd had lunch when in reality it was the next block over! I still have no memory of saying it.

2points

Heather Wolmarans 2 years ago (edited)

Before cellphones we all had landlines. Sitting in my flat one day, thinking 'I really should call Alistair'. Phone rings. I pick up, and say 'Hi, please can I speak to Alistair'. Dead silence for a moment, then the caller said 'Sorry, he's not here', and we said goodbye. Laughed 'til I almost peed when I realised what I'd done.

1point

Squirrel Girl 2 years ago

one time i was in the shower and decided to shave my beard. i did not have a beard. i was 11 and a girl. i cut beneath my nose and had a mustache scar for a month

1point

Aisling Raye 2 years ago

Literally this morning - made cottage cheese with sliced peaches. Went to the table to eat. Realize I have nothing. Cottage cheese container is in fridge (okay makes sense) peach pit is in cottage cheese container (little weird but okay) bowl with my food in it has been placed back in the cupboard with the rest of the dishes, knife is in the trash. I really need to get more sleep. OH, I just realized that I forgot about yesterday - went to the store to buy the things I ate for breakfast this am. Sitting in car, i checked to make sure my grocery list was in my wallet. Close wallet, throw over my shoulder into the back seat. Can't wrap my head around that one.

1point

Bob La Capra 2 years ago

1) Coin op laundry in my apartment. Took clothes from the washer, tossed them in the dryer. Tossed the softener sheet in the dryer. Tossed the quarters in the dryer. 2) Noticed that I didn't have any clean dinner plates. Found them in the oven. 3) Spray cleaner was not in the cupboard where it should be. Found in the refrigerator. 4) Put food in the microwave. Set the time for 1:30. Cursed having to buy a new microwave because it apparently no longer words. Pressed Start, all good.

1point

kim morris 2 years ago

I'm VERY PISSED I missed adding to this list. Went to Ikea to get a pillow, ended up ordering a new sofa! So out of character, and excited for this decision, I gave them the wrong address. Had it delivered to a house I hadn't lived in for 30 years. My dad's house. It was delivered, with no one there. He called me swearing up a storm for 10 minutes before I could even figure out what he was yelling at me for. Then I had to call Ikea delivery and get them to re-deliver it to the correct address because they left it at his house 4 hours earlier than promised, when no one was home. So no one to check off on the delivery. A total s**t-show. Because I had a brain fart because I was so excited about getting a new sofa. Now when I sit on it, I have PTSD of my father swearing up a storm at me, and I can't enjoy it.

1point

elsieairhead 2 years ago

Pressing my car key fob for a good 5 seconds to unlock my front door as well - that's a regular one for me.

1point

Lara Verne 2 years ago

Went home from work, make myself dinner. And couldn't find my phone anywhere. I thought I left it at work. Then my fridge started ringing. My phone was in the fridge, right next to milk. No idea how it got inside.

1point

Lady Fos-Boss 2 years ago

I usually answer something like "Have a great day" with something along the lines o "Don't tell me what to do" when I'm with friends and family. Walking to school one day, and my brain on auto piolet mode, a teacher or parent volunteer was directing traffic, and as I crossed the Drop-off/pick-up lane they said "Have a great day!" To which I automatically replied "Don't tell me what to do" And continued walking

0points

Patrick Schussler 2 years ago

There have been times I have been looking for my glasses while they are on my face. I go all throughout the house and it takes someone to stop me and say "What are you looking for?" At that moment I knew I messed up badly.

0points

Marvelous Rex 2 years ago

Note: I had recently found that the switch that shuts my dryer off when I open the door, quit working. So when it was running, you could open the door and it just keeps on running. I was in my wash room, listening to a music app on my phone while I was getting clothes out of the washer. Finished putting clothes in the dryer and picked up my phone to change songs, which was sitting on top of the dryer. When I picked up my phone, I realized I had dropped a sock. I was still scrolling through songs in my left hand while I reached down to pick up the sock with my right. I reached up and opened the dryer door, also with my right, and absentmindedly tossed my phone into the dryer. In retrospect, I could have just turned the k**b until it ended the cycle, but at the time I didn't think of it. So instead, was about a minute of me trying to catch my phone as it bounced off the inside of the dryer. Amazingly, the phone still works fine and all it did was crack a piece of the protective case .

0points

AllZall 2 years ago (edited)

I once brought my home phone to work and wondered why I don't have a signal. * When my brother had his finals he forgot to take the calculator with him. He called home, only getting our disabled granddad and told him he needs a calculator but he's going to call our mother on the mobile phone. 40 Minutes later, granddad showed up at school. He brought the calculator in last minute. Problem was, that it was his TVs remote control.. (I loved him so much for doing this, he got a leg that barely can stand and he was already around 80, he made the trip to the school mostly hill up, had to walk back home, which happens to also be up hill).* I'm a nurse and some days i just knocked on the door of a room I was leaving lol I was sleeping in pregnancy, all good. Until my husband woke me up and asked me why the heck I was eating toast laying down in bed. The other week he cought me before the fridge, binging on chocolate cake, topped with salami

0points

Pam 2 years ago

I feel so much better after reading these, as funny as they are, I know I’m not the only person who has done crazy embarrassing things! Thank you.

0points

Omiyaru 2 years ago (edited)

This did not disapoint, I laffed so hard that the change in pressure caused a nosebleed. I've fostered cats through y life, and apparently I have picked up some mannerisms from them. Like the head bumps and hissing While I was having a conversation, my friend was going to place he lunch down. And moved my phone I promptly hissed at her... I realized what I did and my face flushed.

0points

Alex MacNeil 2 years ago

I've done this several times. Whilst driving, when the lights change, I stop. Regardless whether it's gone green to red or red to green, my amygdala sees a change and is like "BRAKE!"

0points

WildHoneyPie 2 years ago

Back in the day when you'd check books out for people instead of having them use a self check out machine, I handed a woman her change for something and told her it'd be due in three weeks.

0points

Cass Malone 2 years ago

On my way to work, had to take the interstate. I ended up missing my exit to go to the exit for my bfs work exit. Had to call n tell them I was gonna be late cuz I was going to pick up my man instead of going to work

0points

NotTodaySatan!! 2 years ago

I've had my share, but I'm sharing with you one of my mom's moments because it is the most amusing as far as I'm concerned. So my mom was an ER Dr and worked 12 hr shifts that often ran over. It was around Christmas and everyone was going home to mom's. We (mom and I) drove 1.5 hrs to pick up my sister at the airport. The entire way, we discussed Christmas, but mostly funny ideas for our family dirty Santa game gifts. We pick up my sister who joins the conversation the 1.5 hrs home. We decided to go look for our gifts rather than going straight to the house. So we are still talking, arrive at Walmart, walking in there was a display of six packs of beer. My sister interrupted my mom, who was saying another idea for a gift she had, to say, "hey! What about a 6 pack and get an ice chest??". My mom instantly comes back with, "for what?". The more we carried on asking if she was serious and what did she *think* it was for the more confusion there was. I finally said, "the game mom!" While r

0points

NotTodaySatan!! 2 years ago

While rolling my eyes. To which she asks, "what game". She was far too tired to be doing any shopping and I was then just thanking God she managed to get us to Tulsa to the airport and back in one piece. Hahaha! She was a tremendously smart woman. Book smart. But wasn't loaded with common sense, so we had these moments quite often.

0points

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Destinee Davis 2 years ago

I bumped into a maniquin in a store looked back and said "oh sorry" looked forward, a few seconds later look back again and say "oh I thought you were alive" and laughed before realizing I was still talking to plastic.

0points

Hollie Marie 2 years ago

I used to work in a supermarket and used a safety knife, after I left that job and got a new one it took me months to stop patting myself down looking for the knife when I saw a cardboard box xD

0points

The Starsong Princess 2 years ago

I have an unfortunate tendency to drive on autopilot. Went to pick up my grandmother to bring her to my house for Sunday dinner. I drove in the opposite direction to my office and parked. I was half to the elevators before I realized I was in the wrong place.

0points

Kylee Bartlett 2 years ago

loll thats funny

0points

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