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Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the author of multiple best-selling books including Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams (Intentional Insights, 2021), The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships (New Harbinger, 2020), and many more, told us that living on autopilot is necessary much of the time. “That's because otherwise, we would become overwhelmed with thinking through every little thing that we do,” he added.

#2

I feed my cat while I make breakfast. One very sleep deprived morning I made cereal in her bowl and put her kibble in my cereal bowl. I didn't realize I f****d up until I shoved a giant spoonful of cat food in my mouth and chewed a few times.

punkterminator Report

Final score:

404points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Should be up higher.

62points

#3

33 weeks pregnant, at work ALL day, super hungry when I got off work. Stopped by the store to pick up some things, water broke in the middle of the aisle so I called my husband to tell him to meet me at the hospital, but then I kept f*****g shopping until I had my very wanted food. Got in my car(labor had started slightly by now), drove home and made my food. Husband called an hour later... suddenly remembered my water had broken at the store, drove myself to the hospital and had our first son. Food was my mission, baby on the way was not getting in the way of those f*****g tacos apparently.

Cantsleep2184 Report

Final score:

404points

POST

Justme 2 years ago

I firmly believe something hormonal/chemical happens in the brain when your water breaks. I’m not a dumb person, but when my water broke, I asked if it was okay for me to go back to work. I had to be repeatedly told by medical staff that yes I actually needed to go to the hospital.

26points

#4

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn't realise until I put the butter in the cage that *oh s**t*

Went to reclaim the rat, she was all "F**k off, the food box is MINE now". Already gotten into the ham.

Taleya , Don DeBold Report

Final score:

365points

POST

Libstak 2 years ago

Lmao

85points

Having said that, Dr. Tsipursky argues that our autopilot system also makes systematic errors that can get us into a lot of trouble. “These errors are called cognitive biases and they are remnants from our evolutionary background. They served our ancestors well in the ancient savanna, but harm us in the modern world.”

“That's why we tend to do things like eating way more than we intend at social events (restraint bias), buying high and selling low in the stock market (loss aversion bias), and sticking with a relationship long past the time when it should end (sunken costs bias),” Dr. Tsipursky explained.

#5

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I cared for a horse for several years.

First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.

One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.

She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.

anon , Hans Splinter Report

Final score:

351points

POST

Chloe Summer 2 years ago

Not now it isnt

71points

#6

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn't open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.

anon , kleuske Report

Final score:

339points

POST

Spider 2 years ago

WOW

75points

#7

Oh man. Okay, I'm late to the party here, but I've got a great answer for this.

I was working as a summer counselor at a college, helping incoming freshmen pick classes and stuff like that. The job was exhausting, but I loved it, so I poured my all into it, making arts and crafts in my off time to make the experience more fun for the kids, writing skits, building sets and costumes, that sort of thing. The result was that I barely slept (3-4 hours per night, for 3 months on end).

One night, around 3 am, just as I was going to bed, I realized that I'd forgotten to tell my kids that tomorrow's meeting was in my office, and not at the outside benches where we'd met the day before. Oops! So I sat down to write a note for each of my students. Here's what I wrote:

Hi (Student Name),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my office
tomorrow at 9 am instead of at the benches.
Thanks,
Kahzgul

Simple, right? i sat down to write out 12 notes and I was dozing off as I did so. Finally got them all done around 4 am and delivered them under each student's dorm room door. Slept for 3 hours!

The next morning at 9 am sharp, the students started filing into my office. As they sat in the chairs, one asked, "Mr. Kahzgul, why didn't I get a funny note like everyone else?"

Um... what? I didn't write any funny notes. I wrote.. Oh God. I had been dozing off... WHAT DID I WRITE???

And here, dear reader, is what the notes said:

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that I see bicycles bicycling.
--Kahzgul

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all crazy everywhere.
You can eat here, enjoy the food.
Thanks,
Kahzguuuuuul

Dear Student (I actually wrote "student" instead of their name),
Student student student. Student.
--Kahzgul

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that office buildings explode.
Love,
Kahzgul

Dear (student),
I don't know why I'm writing this. I see it. Maybe.

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting people all the time
everywhere we go.
Thanks,
Kahzgul (and then I drew a heart with an arrow through it)

Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my room
tomorrow morning at 9 am. SHARP! sharp. *sharp*.
**SHARPPPPP**.
--**KAHZGUL** (sharp)

The other notes were all the intended message. Needless to say, I was freaked the hell out. Thank GOD my students thought this s**t was hilarious, because I do not, to this day, remember writing any of those (but they were definitely in my handwriting).

Kahzgul Report

Final score:

317points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

What. The. Lmao

82points

Fortunately, we can learn about these cognitive biases and retrain our brains to overcome them, Dr. Tsipursky claims. According to him, it will lead us to have much better relationships, professional careers, and personal habits and routines.

#8

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Was at my fiances house for dinner. Had to leave early. Was in a rush. Kissed her dad on the way out.

ferretR*pe , May Gauthier Report

Final score:

300points

POST

Chicken Nugget 2 years ago

Thats one way to make an impression I guess

110points

buttery_shame_cave Report

#9

one time, one of the kids asked for... s**t i don't even remember what. probably asked for a sandwich or something. on autopilot(i was tired and sick) i go into the kitchen, got a bowl out of the cabinet, sliced up a bunch of ham, put that in the bowl, poured in apple juice, stuck a slice of toast and a teabag on top and handed it to him with a steak knife.

kiddo was smart. he watched me do all that, took the bowl and knife, said 'thank you', put it on the table and went and got my wife and said 'daddy's super tired' and showed her what i'd done.

she put me to bed after that.

Final score:

299points

POST

Jaya 2 years ago

It's kind of scary how our brains can malfunction like this, without us noticing it in the moment. You could easily put yourself in danger like accidentally setting the house on fire.

17points

#10

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I tried to put a pacifier in my mother's mouth as opposed to infant she was holding. The best part is that she was nagging the hell out of me.

Msshadow , pfly Report

Final score:

278points

POST

Ange Marsden 2 years ago

Putting the pacifier where it's needed...

141points

“To retrain our brains requires us, first of all, to understand the dangers of living on autopilot: in other words, learn about each of these biases and how they impact us. After learning about these biases, we can take practical and proactive steps to address them in our minds.”

Moreover, “we can retrain our autopilot system to make better decisions in the moment and overcome those dangerous mental blind spots stemming from our evolutionary background,” Dr. Tsipursky concluded.

#11

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f*****g eyebrow.

hotmaleescort , Mr.TinMD Report

Final score:

274points

POST

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago

LOL that’s fantastic

79points

#12

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said "Pete". My name is Tiffani.

tiffaniac , jeanbaptisteparis Report

Final score:

247points

POST

Margaret Hooper 2 years ago

I have to ask - why Pete?

19points

#13

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"

Apparently I looked her in the eye and said "everyone loves a midnight snack."

anon , Marco Verch Report

Final score:

246points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Yes.

68points

#14

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Someone knocked at my door and i knocked back...

anon , Tim Green Report

Final score:

237points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Gold.

67points

#15

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I ordered a meatlong football from subway. I then got upset when the dude had no idea what I wanted.

Then we both laughed.

SalletFriend , Mike Mozart Report

Final score:

232points

POST

Ange Marsden 2 years ago

This should be a menu item

64points

jefferlewpew , Joegoaukfishcurry2 Report

#16

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Spent ages cooking dinner only to pick the plate up and empty it straight into the bin. I was so tired and hungry, I cried

Final score:

229points

POST

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)

☹️ I wanna hug you

127points

#17

My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"

I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen." Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work. As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.

glitterphobia Report

Final score:

228points

POST

Wondering Alice 2 years ago

My friends and I when I was in my late teens always said "you've eaten it' when someone couldn't remember where they had left something. Not funny really, but amused us. One day in work someone came and told me so and so couldn't find her paperwork for the day, I said 'she has eaten it' and went off to print a copy. So and so came in - a rather large overweight girl - really upset 'what are you trying to say'. Luckily, she saw the humour.

84points

#18

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Had been playing a lot of skyrim recently and was walking to the bus stop and saw a patch of clover. Started towards it and thought to myself....i should harvest those, i could use some potion ingredients. Immediately thought to myself, wtf brain, w'ere outside.

rusty_L_shackleford , David J Report

Final score:

221points

POST

Sobeida Avitia 2 years ago

Second time heading to buy a soda I saw a guy on a red motorcycle. I decided I wanted it. And mentally began preparing myself to kick him off the bike and take it. Then I realized I can't even do that I've.

84points

#19

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth

em_hoo , AisforAmy91 Report

Final score:

211points

POST

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)

In my early 20s, I used to spray an old toothbrush with hairspray and comb it over flyaways. It’s been years. The other day, while FaceTiming my mother and blabbing about work, I squirted toothpaste on my toothbrush and started combing it through my hair 😅 didn’t even notice until she was like “what is happening right now….”

104points

#20

*sighs*

It had been a long, rough day at work. Once I got home I really had to pee, I pulled down my pants, sat and started peeing. I forgot a step. Pull down underwear. You read it right everyone, I pissed myself on the toilet.

EDIT - Fun fact, I never shared my embarrassing moment with my husband. I wanted to share some of the funny responses I got and finally just told him. He hasn't stopped laughing yet. (He was having a bad day so I'm glad I shared.)

RedditsInBed2 Report

Final score:

195points

POST

DuchessDegu 2 years ago

I've done it, I was so desperate for a pee!

55points

#21

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn't realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.

JetDrew , grassrootsgroundswell Report

Final score:

192points

POST

Ange Marsden 2 years ago

I got a car after 3 years of bussing around and out of habit started driving everywhere on bus routes - unbelievably inefficient...but better than the times I'd find myself trying to take pedestrian short cuts

52points

#22

When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work). One day I un-wrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.

FiveAgst1 Report

Final score:

187points

POST

Margaret Hooper 2 years ago

Ah. The envy of all your friends, no doubt.

75points

#23

Answered my cell phone
"[911 center] what's the location of your emergency?"

Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f**k out of telemarketers.

12 hr night shifts are a b***h.

SJane3384 Report

Final score:

180points

POST

John Carr 2 years ago

Good afternoon. Thank you for calling Dell Dimension technical support. Said that quite a few times on home phone.

12points

#24

Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping. Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.

hechim Report

Final score:

175points

POST

Jaya 2 years ago

This one makes me so nervous.

7points

#25

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where the f**k I put my cereal.

Aurora320 , mroach Report

Final score:

168points

POST

SheamusFan1987 2 years ago

Mornings, am I right...?

53points

whats_my_username16 , Mikael Stenberg Report

#26

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done When my daughter was first born I would find myself burping the dog

Final score:

157points

POST

Local foodie 2 years ago

This is understandable as they’re both babies

51points

#27

As most males are undoubtedly aware, men's restrooms usually have a fairly standard design: There's a row of sinks, followed by a row of urinals, and then finally a handful of stalls. The accepted etiquette for the men's room is nigh-on universal, but for those who might not know (and there seem to be a fair number of you), it can be described as such:

1. Enter the restroom.
2. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are *not* in use, approach and do your business.
3. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it *are* in use, find another urinal.
4. If no other urinals are available (save for ones with adjacent users), approach, stare straight ahead, and finish as quickly as possible.
5. If there are *no* urinals available, use a stall. Be sure to close and lock the door.
6. If there are no urinals *or* stalls available, stand behind a urinal - keeping as much distance between you and the current occupant as possible - and pretend to be very interested in either the floor or the ceiling.

These rules are in place for the specific purpose of minimizing embarrassment, and they work well if everyone follows them. Unfortunately, while in a caffeine-deprived haze, I managed to accidentally exploit an unfortunate loophole.

I had walked into the restroom, intent on... well, you can guess... and discovered that none of the urinals were available. Fortunately, one of the stall doors was ajar, indicating that it was unoccupied... or so I thought. Upon entering the stall in question, I discovered that it was already in use by someone who had neglected to close the door, and who was midway through their "expulsion of fluids."

Had I been in a sounder state of mind, I would have hurriedly exited and waited for a different section of the facility to become available. As it happened, I decided that the best course of action was to lounge against the wall - still inside of the stall, mind you - and twiddle with my phone until the guy finished his performance. It was only as he was nearing completion that I realized what I was doing, and I rushed to exit the stall before my unwitting co-occupant noticed my presence.

Of course, that was right when someone *else* entered the restroom. They saw me leave the stall, assumed that it was empty, and walked forward... right into the *original* occupant, who was making his own exit.

I decided to hold it in for a while after that.

**TL;DR: There's a party in the men's room, but no-one was invited.**

RamsesThePigeon Report

Final score:

153points

POST

Jaya 2 years ago

That TLDR lol

64points

#28

I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks. Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off. Thank God it was empty.

Generaljester Report

Final score:

146points

POST

Fiona Bell 2 years ago

What do Amazon have you check in the bathroom?

40points

EarlCampbellsMeat , ThoroughlyReviewed Report

#29

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done grabbing my keys, phone, wallet, etc. before work.

why is there a tv remote in my car?

the etc. included the tv remote

Final score:

144points

POST

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)

Ah yes. Brought my tv remote to work once last year while leaving my cell phone on the couch. Alarm went off at 9am and my cats had to live with it until my lunch break. Will never live that one down.

56points

#30

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Accidentally put my phone in the toaster.
Figured it out when I noticed that I was tapping on a piece of bread.

vanzgalla , flrnt Report

Final score:

143points

POST

Bored_Panda 2 years ago

Did it get toasted?

54points

#31

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done When I was little I had 2 bird pets. One day I was holding one with my right hand and playing with the bird. Some time later I got myself a lollipop and was licking on it. Eventually I had been holding both of them at the same time. Now guess what I licked.

Kanden95 , Dave_S Report

Final score:

139points

POST

Jennik 2 years ago

Everyone was surprised

51points

#32

I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.

I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.

TLDR; I steal things.

Final score:

138points

POST

Robert T 2 years ago

A long time ago, I used to work on the checkouts at the local supermarket. I had a lady come to my till with two trolleys. She loads the first onto the belt and I put it all through whilst she packs. She then unloads the second trolley onto the belt and whilst I'm busy putting it through I didn't immediately notice her disappear with the first trolley out to the car. Just caught sight of the back of her heading for the door and yelled for security. Thought she was trying to do a runner. Turned out she had forgotten that she had two trolley loads and thought she had finished. She came back, rather shame-faced and paid for both lots.

11points

#33

I wear a fob watch at work. Pinned to my chest. On my days off I don't half get odd looks if someone asks me the time and I automatically start pawing at my boob.

When my daughter was very young she loved trains. So I'd take her on short trips and the line passed some fields, where I'd point out the animals to her. Got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said "look! Moo cows!" when was on the train by myself.

MogadonMandy Report

Final score:

131points

POST

Jennik 2 years ago

I once grabbed a co-worker's hand to help him across the road when we were out on a company trip. Fortunately we always got on really well! And a few years later, when he had small children, he did exactly the same to me.

100points

#34

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Put toothpaste on my razor and almost went to town on my mouth.

TurboThetard , derek rose Report

Final score:

125points

POST

Spider 2 years ago

HORROR MOVIE!!!

75points

#35

My mother was sitting on the sofa. 7-month-old son was sitting in the highchair, waiting for lunch.

I walked in with his bib in my hand and proceeded to tie it around my mother's neck.

throwforharry Report

Final score:

125points

POST

Tatjana P 2 years ago

Dont know where to put this but its hilarious. My sister lived in a bedsit as a student, and she had a small table and two chairs on each end of it, not matching. Behind one of the chairs is a Tv. Her boyfriend comes over and mentions something about the chairs and she say ‘Well, yes. That one is really comfortable. But sadly, I can watch TV just from that uncomfortable one.’ He looks at her for a few moments, thinking she is joking. When he realizes she isnt, he gets up, swaps the chairs positions, and she is like ‘!!!???? How did I not realize this?’.

6points

#36

Post Duty ER. Was already home and asleep. Mom woke me up for dinner, saying "Food's gonna get cold", thought I heard "code", so I jumped up and shouted "where?" And ran down to the dining area only to realize I was at home.

PM_ARMPITS_GIRLS Report

Final score:

119points

POST

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

When your body's at home but your brain is still at work.

62points

#37

My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.

shiguywhy Report

Final score:

118points

POST

Snorky The Pig 2 years ago

poor baby....😥

34points

#38

Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.

Final score:

116points

POST

Nicole 2 years ago

I cooked my son a “pizza”. I unwrapped his frozen pizza, then threw it away and cooked the cardboard thing that’s under the pizza. About 15 minutes in he asks what the smell was and if his pizza was ready. I told him to open the oven and check it. Then I hear “what is happening right now” followed by laughter. Poor kid was so hungry. I felt so bad. I then ordered him his favorite pizza from Mama Rosa’s pizza!

53points

#39

Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.

Final score:

113points

POST

Marah 2 years ago

One of my coworkers will just randomly take stuff I hand to him, he's so funny 🤣

42points

#40

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Lose my phone in my hand while in the middle of a call.

Thehelpfulshadow , Rawpixel Ltd Report

Final score:

110points

POST

Gionanna 2 years ago

This totally happens to me way more I'd like 🤣

34points

#41

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I used to work in a call center and would answer my personal phone with my call center speech.

CXDFlames , Fairfax County Report

Final score:

106points

POST

Kahlo <3 2 years ago

This!! I was answering phones for an office, and when I got off people I actually knew would call me (we used an online call-routing system, so it was the same phone) and I'd answer for the office. Sometimes people thought I was an answering machine.

31points

#42

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I used to work at the airport while in college, and one day I went to get groceries and drove 30 mins to the airport instead.

Protodeus , ERIC SALARD Report

Final score:

103points

POST

kath morgan 2 years ago

My mum drove my dad to work every day for 30 years, and she will still sometimes just drive there if she is not thinking.

5points

#43

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Put my phone in the fridge to "charge"

Cactus_octopus , Richard Kelland Report

Final score:

98points

POST

Nicola Mawson 2 years ago

Put car keys in fridge once when I was pregnant

34points

anon , U.S. Department of Agriculture Report

#44

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Raising my hand to voice my opinion while in a conversation not at school.

Final score:

96points

POST

Marah 2 years ago

Happens to the best of us

33points

PerpetualDiscovery Report

#45

Patted one of my coworkers on the butt. I was in the habit of walking up behind my husband and patting him on the butt, so it was just automatic. Fortunately, coworker wasn't offended.

Final score:

92points

POST

Gionanna 2 years ago

This once happened to me with a roommate, she was slightly shocked

26points

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#46

In college I had a fair number of all nighters and usually had the tv going to help keep me up and help with concentration.
Once a couple weeks after submitting an essay for a political science class I noticed that the message I sent with it to my professor went something like: "attached is my water for Italian cooking".
My essay was completely fine and had nothing to do with Italy. I guess my brain just turned off as soon as I'd attached the paper and there must have been some cooking related infomercial on tv while I sent it.

sebrahestur Report

Final score:

43points

POST

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

Mama Mia!

12points

#47

I was sitting at my father's wake and my brain was just completely shut off. I was sitting in between my girlfriend (at the time) and my sister. Everyone was extremely devastated by my fathers passing. My girlfriend was pretty torn up and I could hear her crying softly. Not really thinking I put my hand on her thigh and rubbed gently to comfort her.

I can see my sister turn to me in my peripheral. She whispered, "What the f**k are you doing? Snap out of it." My girlfriend begins to giggle as she sees me rubbing my sisters thigh. The giggles and the whisper finally make sense and I snap my hand back and laugh my a*s off. We all had a pretty good laugh. Tears of sadness turn into tears of laughter. My sister and I are super close and she knew I meant to rub my girlfriend's thigh for comfort, not hers. Girlfriend knew I was f*****g spaced in that moment.

ET_X23 Report

Final score:

43points

POST

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

I’m sorry for your loss.

15points

#48

I was eating and reading some stupid s**t here on reddit. While trying to scoop up food with my fork I quickly used the top right part of my phone as a knife to push rice and beans onto my fork. After a second or two, I realized what I just did and kind of just stared at my phone half covered in beans and questioned my existence .

YouNerdAssRetard Report

Final score:

42points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

‘Questioned my existence’

28points

#49

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done probably the time i cracked 3 eggs into the sink. one after another.

tossinthisshit1 , Manav Sharma Report

Final score:

40points

POST

Black Pearl 2 years ago

Once I cracked an egg into the trash and put the egg shell into the cake mix

17points

#50

Typing up a report for work. Coworkers having a conversation near me. I proceed to start transcribing their conversation

Another time after work I got into the passenger seat of my car and waited a good 2 minutes to be driven home before realising I was alone

kill3rm0nkey Report

Final score:

40points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

You’d be even more shocked if you WERE somehow driven home…

26points

rhymes_with_chicken Report

#51

Spent all afternoon making chicken soup with the remains of a whole baked chicken carcass.

After hours of simmering, it tasted great out of the pot...so I walked over to the sink and poured the whole thing through a colander like it was pasta to be strained.

It didn't hit me for a second. I just stood there stupidly looking at the non-fluid portion of the soup in the pot. I felt like such an idiot.

Final score:

38points

POST

Black Pearl 2 years ago (edited)

I would cry

18points

#52

My friend and I were walking home from school. I found a good sized stick, and as any bored sixthgrader would do, I picked it up and started dragging it along with me as I walked, just something I did to keep my focus. As my friends and I were approaching an intersecting street, a small blue pickup crossed in front of us. Normally we didn't have to worry about too many cars as we lived in a smaller town, but it just sort of interested me how it crossed perfectly about 15 feet in front of us. I just saw it and wondered subconsciously, 'I wonder if I could hit it from here.' With the brainpower I normally use for sleeping, I held the stick I was dragging over my head, and threw it like a javelin at the truck. If it were a video game, I would of scored a critical hit. The stick struck the truck directly on the side, creating what I imagined as a deafening noise.

By the time I realized what the f**k I just did, two of my friends ran and hid in the bushes, and the other was pretending to tie his shoe. A tall figure stormed out of the truck, a highschooler. I don't remember what he said, I was in shock, but I can imagine something along the lines of, "What the hell are you doing!" Out of realization of what just happened, I just sorta stuttered,"I uh, wasn't thinking, I, um, I didn't really sleep well," and a few b******t excuses similar to that. "Alright, just don't let it happen again."

I unofficially became that idiot friend everyone has, we never really talked about it after that

BaeWulf007 Report

Final score:

38points

POST

Black Pearl 2 years ago

This is so f*****g funny 🤣

10points

#53

Woke up early Monday morning in a bit of a panic. I had forgot to buy cat food yesterday. The cat must be starving. I hurry and get ready for work. I plan a detour to the store to buy the cat food. On the drive there I'm planning my run into the store and I realize I don't know what isle the food is on. How could I not remember what isle the cat food is on? Then it hits me. I don't have a cat. I haven't had one for several years.

Dewey_Oxberger Report

Final score:

38points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

You used to have a cat?

6points

TheQueenWhoNeverWas Report

#54

Was on the phone with my boss and she was getting really irritated about something, I don't even remember what. The combination of her irritation and my exhaustion made my brain misfire, and I ended the call with "okay bye bye Mom, I love you!".
I was so embarrassed but she thought it was hilarious and started calling me her adopted daughter after that. I mean, she is the same age as my mom so it's not too weird, but I certainly felt like a child around her instead of a colleague until she left the company. I miss her ):

Final score:

37points

POST

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

The amount of times I’ve called my teacher Mom…

13points

#55

I have two:
1) Walking to work on a very straight path through a nature reserve. I fell asleep and sleepwalked for about 10 mins. It was so weird, i blinked and suddenly appeared near the end of my journey.

2) Got into my car with coffee and a newspaper. Carefully held the rolled-up newspaper whilst hurling the coffee onto the passenger seat.

OuterSpiralHarm Report

Final score:

36points

POST

April Caron 2 years ago

Yeah, so on #2… should you have been driving at that point?

13points

#56

Once I was leaving my apt, and decided to bring the garbage out with me. I had to walk to the pharmacy, which was about three city blocks away. When I got to the pharmacy, I walked up to the counter, and plunked the nasty, dripping bag of garbage right into the counter. I guess I had forgot to throw it into the dumpster on the way out and carried it all the way there.

There was an awkward 'wtf' moment between myself and and the pharmacist, and I just kind of turned around and walked out. Couldn't bring myself to go back in, felt too stupid. Especially when I realized that garbage water had been dripping on my leg the whole time.

xombae Report

Final score:

35points

POST

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

That’s such a power move.

16points

#57

I had just woken up and I was still on sleep-auto brain. I wear ear plugs when I sleep but I often tug them out during the night. One was on my chest and I sleepily grabbed it.

My traitor of a brain was like "it's a mini marshmallow: eat it"

So I popped into my mouth and started to chew.

Luckily I realized what I was doing in time, but I also learned it would be very easy to poison me.

aerialRansacker Report

Final score:

34points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

‘Mini marshmallow’

11points

#58

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I have poured my dog a bowl of cereal instead of giving her food multiple times.

the_guy_guy_guy , Tom Ray Report

Final score:

33points

POST

3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago

Same with my cats. They’re not as impressed with Lucky Charms as I am. (Not enough marshmallows, I get it.)

25points

#59

searching for my glasses 5 minutes. I was wearing them and its pretty hard to not notice that i wear my glasses considering how bad my vision gets without them.

darthbane83 Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Jaya 2 years ago

I wonder if there's anyone who has NOT done this, with either normal glasses or sunglasses.

4points

#60

Wake up at 3am, go downstairs, start making breakfast. Bemused SO gently steers me back, as I'm four hours early.
Or, another good one is making instant coffee and taking a sip. No, it's filter coffee and now I have a mouthful of coffee grounds to go with my sleep deprivation.

RSThomason Report

Final score:

32points

POST

#61

I was at the whiteboard in the front of a classroom, between classes. I was supposed to be updating the date/objective/etc for the next class but I was zoning out really badly and ended up just staring at the blank board. While I was out of it, my brain recognized that there was something in my hand (an open dry-erase marker) and decided this thing in my hand must be a lolipop (?????). I brought the marker to my mouth and licked it. By the time I realized my mistake, I had a gross black streak along my tongue.

sunoko Report

Final score:

31points

POST

Display Name 2 years ago

Eww licorice flavor🤣

7points

#62

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I woke up one morning in college, got dressed, left my room and got halfway out of the dorm before I realized I had no pants on.

anon , GoToVan Report

Final score:

30points

POST

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago

At last, i know i wasn't the only One....

4points

#63

Not me but my little brother woke up late for school one day and opened the door wearing his camo rain hoodie and his sneakers and nothing else. I'd only seen that s**t happen in movies it he literally just forgot to put on boxers and pants. My mom ended up letting him stay home and took him to the hospital because she thought he hit his head or something.

ganjagremlent Report

Final score:

30points

POST

Ellen Hsuan 2 years ago

The mom's reaction XD

10points

pyrrhicvictorylap , Olgierd Rudak Report

#64

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Instead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it.

Final score:

29points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Lmao

12points

#65

Locked keys in car then locked car inside house garage.

good times

Final score:

28points

POST

Potty pagan panda 2 years ago

Had visited my sister who lived in another state. I forgot to leave her spare house keys so I went to post them to her and posted my house and car keys as well. Had no idea where ‘I’d lost them’ until she received them

13points

#66

When I was in high school, I was sitting petting my dog. She leant over and gave me a quick lick on the face, so I leant in and returned the favor. I paused for a second and thought "WTF did I just do?"

DishwasherTwig Report

Final score:

28points

POST

April Caron 2 years ago

You said, “Hi, friend!” in doggo speak.

15points

#67

I was in the midst of an 8 hour shift at work. I had to pee for over 2 hours at this point but I was in the middle of working a lunch rush (I worked at a restaurant) so I didn't have time to go. Suddenly things calm down. A-HA! My opportunity! I rejoiced. I run to the bathroom, unbutton my pants, and take a squatting position. In front of a urinal. In a bathroom with roughly six men inside. I am an 18 year old female.

Istherepizza Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

Oh no, things people do when they need to go :(

8points

#68

I tried to put the cat into the tool drawer and then almost put the poor thing into the fridge 30 seconds later.

psychgamer2014 Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

THIS is why humans need sleep.

25points

#69

I went to a high school in the early 90s where smoking in the bathrooms between classes was very, very common, even though it was punishable by an $80 fine. You were required to say "it's cool" when entering the bathroom or kids would assume you were a teacher and put their cigarettes out. Not doing so could get your a*s whooped. Like most kids in my school I became so used to it that it was second nature. I got a job in IT immediately after leaving high school, in a nice office building where I had to wear a tie. I'll never forget walking into the bathroom and loudly saying "it's cool," and the president of the company saying "what's cool?" with a confused look on his face. I just stood there like a dope for a second, and then made up something about it being part of a song. I'm sure he thought I was a weirdo after that.

dr_rock Report

Final score:

27points

POST

nooneimportant 2 years ago

i love everything about this story

5points

#70

Put my infant daughter in her jammies.. upside down and backwards. I then complained to my wife about how poorly they fit her.

She just looked and laughed.

nickhalfasleep Report

Final score:

27points

POST

April Caron 2 years ago (edited)

I would legit put a foster baby I cared for into backwards jammies. At about a year and a half old, she decided unzipping her sleepers and ripping off her diaper… and then painting the wall and her crib with the diaper’s contents would be fun. EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I did not find cleaning it up to be much fun. So, I started buying her sleepers a few sizes too big, which allowed me to put her feet into the sleeper normally, but then twist it around, and put it on backwards… zipping it up behind her. This way, she couldn’t access the zipper, because it was against her back. Much to my relief, but her chagrin… my little Poo Picasso had to give up her artwork.

22points

#71

I got out of work late, drove home. Must have dozed off because last thing I remembered was being on the freeway a couple of exits from home. Woke up in the garage 10 min later, with the car turned off. I got home safely without causing an accident. Scared me still thinking about it.

hoangtudude Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

This is a superpower.

13points

#72

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Woke up three hours early for some reason and didn't check the clock but thought I was running late. Rushed through getting ready for work and hit the road. Think it's a bit darker then usual but it could just be grey clouds before the rain. Roads are bit emptier then I'm expecting, must be lucky today. Finally pull up to work and start opening up the shop before anyone else gets in. Look over at the clock and realize I still have two hours to go before I even wake up. Almost went home but decided to stay and just take off three hours earlier than normal.

PNWCoug42 , whatleydude Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Nicola Roberts 2 years ago

I love the way our brains auto corrects the information we're receiving. I was on my way to work and heard the radio presenters say something about it's Friday. I was convinced it was Thursday and made up a legitimate reason why they had got it wrong. It was lunch time before my brain accepted the mistake which made it into a much better day!

12points

#73

I was woken up at 3:30 in the morning for a random drug test for baseball last semester and after I pissed in the cup, I drank it.

Don't know why, but I did it. Luckily there was still enough in the cup to test.

7-car-pileup Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

What.

18points

#74

Back when we had a landline I was talking on the cordless phone and when I hung up I stuck it in the fridge without even blinking an eye. It was lost for hours and nobody noticed until we got a phone call and the fridge started ringing.

HoboTheDinosaur Report

Final score:

26points

POST

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago

Yea... I called my mother's on the landline and when She picked it up i asked if She was home.... This was 3 days ago...

12points

#75

I frequently start fondling my leg in search of my keys whilst driving my car. The panic sets in as I slowly work my hands around my body for the keys I've lost, only to remember they're in the ignition.

Final score:

25points

POST

Nicola Roberts 2 years ago

A while back I stalled the car, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what to do. I was looking around for a key to restart the car when I eventually remembered it starts with a button. I put it down to the last time I stalled a car must have been 20 years ago!

8points

#76

When I was 18, hanging out with my then girlfriend at her place. Fell asleep for a bit, and when I woke up she said, "you're cute when you sleep." My immediate sleep-brain reply was, "not when seven people end up dead."

helpilostmypants Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Foxxy says goodbye. 2 years ago (edited)

Sounds like a darker ending of Snow White and the seven dwarfs.

9points

#77

Was really tired but too hungry to sleep once.

Went downstairs to make a pb&j. Once I was done, I put the knife in the fridge and held the peanut butter under the sink faucet for a good minute trying to process why something was wrong.

Edit: I put my jelly in the fridge and pb in the pantry. The whole night was a rollercoaster.

infShaner Report

Final score:

23points

POST

#78

Texting my wife while cashing out at the grocery store. She had just done laundry so I wanted to thank her. Rather than typing, I spoke aloud to the cashier saying 'thanks, love you'

VonSchlieffenPlan Report

Final score:

23points

POST

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago

Not the same, but i had a coleague that didn't laugh lol, he would just SAY lol instead of laughing.

10points

#79

The name of the place I work at begins with an "F" and I was chatting with one of my coworkers who was telling me how she runs 10 miles or so every morning as the phone was ringing. what was going through my head was "f**k that" so when I answered the phone I said "F**k this is Travis how can I help you?"

verysadindividual Report

Final score:

23points

POST

Luke T 2 years ago

I can only hope they had a good sense of humor.

7points

#80

When I was sick and feeling feverish, I decided to take some Motrin to try and alleviate the symptoms. Usually I grab the pill bottle and shake out two pills, but instead I grabbed my water bottle first and poured water all over my hand.

phriggenmac Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Display Name 2 years ago

Must wash da hands first lol

4points

#81

My wife and I were dyeing some Easter eggs and drinking wine this past Saturday night and I watched her take a big swig out of orange. There was an egg in the cup and everything.

spicy_mayo Report

Final score:

22points

POST

The leech 2 years ago

I once grabbed my drink and chugged it. Turns out it was soy sauce. Almost choked to death. 😆

11points

#82

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I grabbed my "lunch" on my way out the door for work in the morning.

I kept wondering what that beeping noise was the whole drive there. Couldn't figure it out.

Got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.

anon , Justin Brockie Report

Final score:

21points

POST

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

Eat it still

7points

#83

Was typing up an essay, mind started spacing out, came back around and I had typed a page without any errors. Was strangely proud of myself

sanders88 Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

This. Is. A. Superpower.

17points

#84

Sprayed my hair down with what I thought was hair spray. It was Lysol.

StarfishGoo Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Display Name 2 years ago

On da bright side now it smells like lemons

5points

#85

Vigorously picking my nose while holding a cigarette and driving; crammed lit cigarette up my nose

jarindars Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Ouch.

17points

#86

Been playing a lot of Rimworld, and in it you get the option to set time on normal, sped up, and super sped up.

I was waiting for my sister to do something and looked down trying to find the speed up option, in real life.

Another thing is I use the Adobe suite (Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign etc) a lot, and sometimes when I make a mistake in real life, I try to CTRL-Z it. Or I'll draw something and go to resize it, only to realize it doesn't work that way...

lifesnotperfect Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago

Boy do I wish real life had a CTRL-Z option. Or a save and reload system. Also multiple lives.

15points

forgot_her_password , storebukkebruse Report

#87

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done Put the dinner on and realised I had no carrots.
Decided to drive to the shop to get carrots - ended up driving to work.

Burnt the s**t out of all the pots and had to buy new ones :(

Final score:

18points

POST

Tina Girard 2 years ago

I've done that before. I almost reached the toll plaza before I realized what I was doing.

4points

#88

In high school, I was home by myself, rehearsing an imaginary conversation with a boy I had a crush on. I poured imaginary him a real glass of orange juice.

dysenchantd Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

Hopefully it was a real glass

11points

#89

Spoon into the trash and yogurt cup into the sink.

Then facepalming when hearing the "wrong sound" - the plastic cup instead of metal spoon.

ColoradoSheriff Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Lara Verne 2 years ago

Classic.

2points

#90

I was tutoring another student on geometry (arc and area and whatnot) just after I had finished cramming for and taken a Calc test. About three quarters of the way through the poor kids homework I realized that I had not done any of the problems correctly. Rather, to the students endless confusion, I had been integrating the circumference of the circle between the endpoints of the arc. Once I realized my mistake I redid the work with him and reimbursed the session cost.

I've never seen someone so grateful to find out that they *were* doing their math right and that I was in whatever post apocalyptic math-based dreamscape.

Final score:

18points

POST

#91

Cooked my phone in the oven.

pm_me_ur_pudendum Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

How- what?

12points

#92

Not too weird because it does make sense, I recently moved to the apartment directly above the one I used to live in. My former roommate leaves the door unlocked.

The frequency at which I just storm in and enter my empty old bedroom is staggering.

Manarnar Report

Final score:

18points

POST

#93

I bought a block of cheese for myself last weekend while my fiancé was away in Nashville. Put it in the fridge like a normal person. At some point I had to get something out of the "miscellaneous" drawer in the kitchen (you know, the one that holds pencils/rubber bands/menus). I didn't find what I was looking for in there, but I did find an unopened block of cheese. No idea how I managed to put it there, nor do I remember ever taking it out of the fridge. But it had to be me, right?

the-red-witch Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

No it’s Chucky the ghost doll

6points

pm-me-small-tits-pls Report

#94

I put a lighter in my mouth and try to light it up with my cigarettes

Final score:

18points

POST

OwenHasADHD 2 years ago

Opposite day

5points

#95

shaving my legs
, i'm 20 so have been doing this for 7+ years.
go to clean hair out of the razor blades between strokes: the usual way to do this is just swirl the razor in water/wipe with a flannel etc.
for some reason i just ran my finger along the blades to get the hair out, instantly realised i had been a f*****g idiot and was in massive pain

TaylorGenery Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago (edited)

This is making me 😖

7points

#96

45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They've Done I kissed a teacher on the cheek, she told someone "I can't hear you" while tapping her fingers on her cheek and I thought she wanted a kiss...

gargola24 , Paula Satijn Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

😨

3points

#97

I went to deposit cash at a Bank of America ATM. It was time to deposit the cash($500 in $20 bills) but the deposit slip area was too skinny for all my bills to fit.

I kept trying to forcibly cram it in there and when I finally got it through and the cash left my fingertips, I knew I f****d up.

Turns out that it wasn't the deposit area and it was just a space in the ATM where it leads to basically nothing. I had to run into the BoA and tell the nearest CSR how stupid I am and to help my a*s.

Context: I got no sleep the previous day and the ATM back then wasn't as updated as they are now where the deposit slip like open and lights up like they do now.

AgentUpvote Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

If you take the second paragraph out of context (I’m sorry, I’m also sleep deprived)

6points

#98

When I was a kid, I was having breakfast, pancakes and apple juice. Somehow, I poured myself a glass of maple syrup and took a slug, expecting apple juice. Spit it across the room.

rdeisenhauer Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Adam Zad 2 years ago

Had a 7am class back in college, when I was a teenager. Got some leftover pancakes out of the fridge, heated them up, and sat down with the fixin's. Reached for the syrup and poured some milk on my pancakes. Caught myself before it was too bad, but then refilled the cup from the syrup bottle.

4points

#99

Said "nice to meet you" to a friend.

leahlo Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Rocket ship 2 years ago

I once said "Pleasure to make your acquaintance" to a random lady on the street.

5points

ponyothepumpkinking Report

#100

I often have the urge to say "ok, love you, bye", when ending a work call.

swissarmyturtle Report

Final score:

17points

POST

#101

I asked a customer to let me know if we were out of something and I would grab it for them and instead of saying "come yell at me" I said "come at me". Also at different job told a customer "goodnight yourself"

wordsdear Report

Final score:

17points

POST

#102

Throwing away trash while also talking on phone.

Slam iPhone in trash and hold empty coffee container up to ear.

Also accidentally say "ponyothepumpkinking, how can I help you?" Into the comcast remote all the time, instead of what I'm trying to watch.

Final score:

15points

POST

#103

Once brushed my teeth with a sink plug.

To this day I don't know how I was so much of a zombie that I did that.

Final score:

15points

POST

Wondering Alice 2 years ago

I'm dyslexic and have a blood condition which causes brain fog and I only function on plenty of sleep, so I stories like these make up most of my life. A while ago, I drove over an hour to work at a schools off site facility, first I went to the school to pick up lunch - my fob wouldn't let me in, but I got buzzed. Went to work, everyone was weirdly happy to see me and I had a lovely morning. Lunch time, boss drives over bringing me a coffee. She had seen me try to buzz in earlier and phoned my actual boss - I had changed jobs 6 months before so I only had a 10 minute drive instead of over an hour. My old school had been short staffed that day, and my new boss had agreed I really should not drive back an hour up the moterway, so she could keep me. Somehow, I still managed to deliver the days lessons. Bit embarrassed people knew me well enough not to think it was weird.

20points